10 Red Flags of Abuse

[@AleTitan]

"If you leave me, I'll kill myself" is so incredibly common, unfortunately.

[@kittymewmewziscute4459]

Ale Titan TWILIGHT LOL

[@jannyestremos682]

Agreed....

[@sleepyote]

Someones told me this before. It's scary and terrible.

[@sayounara1232]

Doggoroo leave them you rather not be with a jerk like that

[@sleepyote]

sayounara1232 I did that was years ago

[@MasculineMan]

It's crazy how common abuse is, I use to coach tennis and one of the FIRST things that we learned was about abuse, and how to recognize it. It was really scary how common it was. Love how much quality content you guys put out, keep it up!

[@buttersddragon]

Masculine Man wh what does abuse have to do with tennis

[@MasculineMan]

I coached kids tennis!

[@Psych2go]

Thanks man! You do a lot haha. Chat with you more through email!

[@kaylaglazz]

What in the hell did it do with tennis I'm so intrigued and confused

[@cheesecakelasagna]

Elaborate pls

[@Thefoxthatbecameawolf]

What if the abuser is one of your parents? I mean you somehow need their help a littlebit at least

[@IqraKhan-vc7lo]

wildfoxn95 my father is like that

[@IqraKhan-vc7lo]

SUPER BRONZE BOY it easy to say but when you're Asian and have set standards and familial responbilities it's difficult to escape

[@IqraKhan-vc7lo]

SUPER BRONZE BOY Thank you for your advice, I wish it was that easy for me. I have a younger brother and a mother. I'm extroverted and have depression and it sucks cause I can't do anything as my father is the financial head of the household and pays my tuition and I only work once a week because I'm a biogenrtics major

[@Volkbrecht]

wildfoxn95 Question is, is that really abuse or just responsible parent behaviour to supervise and protect a minor?

[@Thefoxthatbecameawolf]

@Iqra Khan My mother is like that, I personally believe that when you have an abusive parent you need to do sacrifices in order to escape them, for example stop studying or working on what you like in order to get a job that allows you to live on your own, or stop seeing friends, taking classes or doing things that you like in order to save money... At least that's what I try to do, it sucks, but I know I'm heading in the right direction to finally get my own house and live by myself and when that happens, I will be able to live free and do whatever I want! The problem is that during that path I sometimes need her financial help (My father is Homeless sadly). Also spend money on one thing that you really need and enjoy (I personally allow myself to pay Therapy with a Psychologist). That's the best advice I can give to you but I know is not easy at all, that's why people like us, need to be willing to sacrifice more things in order to survive and raise up.

[@tylerhillman6446]

Most people are lucky to be able to even get away from the abuser. Some of us can't get away from them because we are forced to live with them, Like a sibling.

[@fhamdani99]

Tyler Hillman or parent

[@serenj7705]

AverageKZbinr17 THIS

[@randomsubscriber3578]

Or a child

[@grapesofwrath361]

So true!! It also brings and extra guilt card on the table

[@Forever-iz2dv]

Im the ypungest of three siblings and my two older sisters are very abusives

[@Psych2go]

Happy Sunday everyone! Today's videos is to help you recognize the signs of abuse!

[@ionrael]

Psych2Go great! Let's watch the video

[@nathantheman5572]

Psych2Go didn't you do this 6 months ago

[@ionrael]

Oh, I've watched the video and I noticed that I'm suffering one type of abuse from a group of.my classmates: humiliation. That's really get me down I don't know what to do. That's my problem, I don't know how to deal with that people, if I fight, i am complaining him, they want to make me angry. If i don't fight, humiliation don't stop. If i talk to the teacher, uffff, they don't know how to do too, they don't care. What are the options?. But well, I've started taekwondo and that's give me more self esteem.

[@nathanblackman6072]

VisraCraft I know you didn't necessarily ask ME but I used to have to deal with a similar situation. What you can do is keep up with your martial arts and anytime they touch you floor them and don't warn them. After that if they keep troubling you verbally which is often the case learn how to play mind games and psych them out of bullying you. And you should always have witty comebacks but I find it best to deliver an awesome comeback when they're trying to embarrass you in front of their friends. Disclaimer: Don't use mind games for the wrong reasons I. E. Anything other than getting them not to trouble you without a word. And pick your moments wisely. Hope at least a bit of this helps you and. Become a version of you that you're proud of so that nothing they say can really offend you because you know who you are. And I'm not saying to bully them back. I'm saying just discourage them from bullying you. That's it.

[@ionrael]

Nathan Blackman yes! Thanks! That is what i am trying, but I think I am so patient. Once, twice, three times, a lot of times i forgive the person before stopping him, and it's because i don't feel really good when i have to get hard with someone. I used to believe that with LOVE, PATIENT, RESPECT AND Fairy dust, everything will change, people will see that I am a good person and they will feedback me with the same Treatment, But it does not always work. I know, i have to be harder, but I don't like to do it

[@VELO_ALEX]

funny how my ex thought i was abusive when she did all of these things to me

[@LolLol-yn8uv]

Alexander A oh my.. I feel so sorry for you! But you're not with her anymore.. So that's good

[@starmaree]

Maybe you both were

[@blakebelladonna9075]

Marie eee not necessarily. One trait of abusive people, commonly sociopaths, project their own traits onto others.

[@kdalessandro9895]

Maybe your ex was a narcissist.

[@eggchomp]

Kenny Collier You're pregnant? Congrats! It's not with your ex is out?

[@nightsky3768]

Unfortunately, this sounds like my mother :(

[@wondergirl34281]

Night Sky same

[@djudjux8374]

Can relate

[@michelled1914]

Same

[@Mickey-os2my]

In my case , my father . Score. 8 out of 10.

[@nyakorii]

For me,it's both my parents and my younger sister ;"(

[@smollillith4799]

This is really eye opening for me. I just thought my grandma was mean but, she does over half of the things on this list.

[@chronicidiocracy]

Smol Lillith yeah my grandma does most of the things on the list too

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

I think the examples for "guilt trip are a bit vague". A statement beginning with "if you loved me, you wouldn't do this", isn't always abuse. For example, "if you loved me, you wouldn't beat me.", "if you loved me, you wouldn't belittle and bully me". I agree, it is a common tactic used by abusers, but it is too broad to say that abusive statements start with it.

[@themifer6677]

Yeah, I had a couple issues with how broad and lacking context some of these things were

[@avehcado6097]

But I feel like we all have common sense to differentiate “if you love me you would stop doing crack” to “if you love me you would let me do this to you”

[@carnuatus]

There are many reasons to have ultimatums. They CAN be a sign of abuse, but not necessarily. They did pinpoint abusive ways of using ultimatums but I think there's more to it.

[@andrewwilson7939]

If you loved me you wouldn't go out with your friends

[@emilyrasputin]

I think the idea was to keep the video from getting too dark or graphic by including the example of "if you loved me you'd let me have sex with you whenever I want to" etc. But you're right, it's sort of a gut feeling thing and the example was very vague

[@avgonyma1]

Abuse can be: phisical, emotional, mental. 10 red flags of abuse (not complete): 1. Controling behaviour 2. Humiliates you (often in front of other people). 3. Guilt trips 4. Forces you to take responsibilty for their feelings (meant to push the victim to keep the abuser happy at all times) 5. Ultimatums 6. Physical violence 7. A bad temper (short fuse) 8. Forces you to do things you don't want to do 9. Constantly checks up on you 10. Picking a fight

[@tsubasa1885]

I have lost my best friend because she is in an abusive relationship right now. This video only proves how bad her love interest is for her. My best friend has a depression because of the relationship and she has lost a lot of weight. I wanted to help her by telling her that she has to break up with her lover but she didn't listen to me because her lover talked about commiting suicide and stuff like that. Her "lover" told her that I (and other friends) were the "bad guys". Her partner created fake evidences to show how horrible I am and now my best friend won't even talk to me anymore. I can't do anything and I feel so helpless... I wrote her a "goodbye letter" where I talked about all the things that happened to her. I told her how important she was to me in the past and why her relationship is bad for her and that I hope that she will have a better future. After two long years of fighting for her and listening to all of her problems... that's all I could do in the end. And I hate it because we were friends for seven years and never got in an argument before. And I will never forgive her partner for destroying her.

[@Shakabrassiere]

Reach out to her parents

[@tsubasa1885]

My best friend is bi and her partner is a girl. But yeah... pretty much controlling her. I mean my friend shows this typical behaviour of a victim and is all like "It's not my partners fault. She loves me! She doesn't want to hurt me and I just want to safe her!". But she risks her life and doesn't understand how bad this girl is for her.

[@tsubasa1885]

I would reach out for her parents but they already know whats going on. My best friend doesn't really like her parents anymore because they didn't accepted her partner and... well, since my friend is an adult, her parents can't really do anything either...

[@Shakabrassiere]

Just Tsubasa that's terrible! I hope things work out in your friend's favor because it's hard to lose a good friend...

[@prnsxsa]

Sit both of them down and talk; don't let anyone leave so easily. Call out the abuser for everything she's done. Don't hesitate; shove in their faces everything that is wrong with that abusing scum. If your friend's partner's fake evidence is truly fake, there's bound to be a loophole somewhere. Nobody is diabolical enough to create flawless fabrications. Present all the facts, and I mean ALL of them; let your friend think, then let her do what she will knowing everything. It's very likely at this point that your friend knows what's going on with her abuser but keeps going anyway because she's in denial and expects things to get better THIS time around. In my honest-to-goodness opinion, nobody should care if her partner kills herself. People like her deserve a fate worse than death, but I can't decide on one out of myriads so death it can only be. I wish I could help you help your friend, but I don't know half of what's happening, so this is all I can say. I feel so horrible for you and your best friend. It's hard losing somebody who was and probably still is very important to you. Keep trying though, don't give up on your friend; she's in a very bad place and if nobody's going to help her, who the fuck will? Seek help in all the places you can, various hotlines, probably the police, don't stop. I really, really want to help you both, but considering my lack of information, I don't think I can. If there's something I can do for you, tell me and I'd gladly do it.

[@paradox9369]

I just want to put this out here after reading some comments. These are NOT 100% signs of abuse. Everything shown here is highly dependent on the context, as some of these actions could be harmless to the other party. However, I do not disregard that these actions could be triggers, or red flags as stated, for people to be careful about and act upon it needed. A small recommendation to the team: try using more specific examples/scenarios so people won't misinterpret. Thank you for your work.

[@purpleb3106]

Paradox파라독스 I found their broadness annoying as well.

[@blakebelladonna9075]

But the context is already established...

[@paradox9369]

Diana Moon The examples used are often not specific enough to portray the proper cases. That's all.

[@blakebelladonna9075]

And I'm disagreeing since the context is already established. I mean, abusive relationships have way more than just one red flag, and I think the wording they use is an attempt to not stir up negative emotions or emotional/psychological trauma from examples that'd be more... harsh.

[@paradox9369]

Diana Moon Of course, you are entitled to your own opinion on this and I do not wish to argue with it since our experiences are not the same. Indeed, using more specific examples can wake some dark feelings and memories in some people, but for others that are rather inexperienced in the field of relationship abuse, it can be a little confusing and they might react harshy even if it's not the case. All in all, I can see your point, I hope you also see mine. Have a good day/evening/night!

[@s.l.chakmakjianphillips9296]

Why are most of these my parents?? 😂

[@clairecollins4863]

Dot Katherine Granger that's what I thought

[@beefy9467]

Same

[@saga_db]

Dot Katherine Granger same

[@Edgypoo]

sadly true

[@yettispaghetti6784]

Dot Katherine Granger Same here.

[@kRVRKV]

There already has been a video like this before. With a different title, as far as I recall.

[@Schokokuchenherz]

It's the "10 Relationship Red Flags of Abuse" video. It's almost the exact same script too...

[@stormhorse588]

yes, they've been remaking videos with the same script and I think a new animator. I like it tbh, the animation is very nice

[@larenssx2710]

i play gomputer I miss the old art style

[@marvelouslymelrose3518]

I have experienced this all forms of it starting with both my parents through to ex friends ex partner wonder why im weary of people. Not a trusting.

[@pikachulove5468]

The only person you can really truly trust is yourself.

[@octopus1182]

@@timber3110 maybe something happened in your early life?

[@galacticcultivator]

The only problem is as long as they don't hurt you. The police won't do anything. An in some cases where it's your parents they can hit you and it's called "parental discipline"

[@galacticcultivator]

Timber :3 I'm not talking about one hit

[@galacticcultivator]

Timber :3 I don't know about others places but where I used to live it didn't count as abuse unless it was a mark to stay on their body for more then 24 hours. Mental abuse didn't count.

[@emilyrasputin]

Morgan Friedman Not sure if it's the law, but I always heard that myself growing up, as well.

[@galacticcultivator]

Emily Rasputin well that's was what the cops said. But I don't know if it was just where I lived or not

[@emilyrasputin]

Well, that's the word on the street in the suburban Midwest, anyway. My mom is a teacher and they have a very tough time getting enough evidence to even involve the police, nevermind succeed at helping the kid get out of that situation, so I'm sure you have to cross some serious lines to get in trouble for it.

[@shannont7723]

Could you make a video about jealousy? These videos have helped me understand mental illness and help others in ways I couldn't before, and jealousy is something that I see in myself that makes it harder to help those around me. I would love to have a better understanding of it and explanation for it. Thank you so much for making these videos.

[@Psych2go]

Sure thing! If you email in [e-mail] with your request and why you want an article on it, she'd be more than happy to send you over resources!

[@huytranxuan9013]

What if that i have all 10 of those red flag sign, and even worse, they came from my closest of what i've known: my parents? And the end result.... i constantly on the edge, always see thing with negativity in it, always plans for the worst case scenario, and slowy have a mental break down that to the point, i almost only see thing through the scope of logic & order, not even care less on emotional aspect? I seriously broken down right now. I do sometime want to suicide... And i'm an introvert, but my parents want to seize control of every moment of my life. They blame me for not having any friend, yet they try to control my relationship around their way, which the way it head to NEVER end up well for me. When i want some peace in my life, they jump in and drag me around like somekind of... The only time i have my peace is when they left me alone and go out somewhere for more than 2 hrs without any care and ensure that either i have to follow them or sit home like a watchdog. They are dictative, sarcastic, Imposing and FORCE me do thing in their way. And at the end, when i fail or they fail, they all blame that on my head and use me as their stress relive... ... I swear if they find my comment here on KZbin, my life is over. Please, help...

[@undefinederror40404]

I agree with what Timber said, try to find a help line on the internet using incognito mode. When I open the internet there is a settings option where you can turn incognito mode on, hope it works the same way with your phone! Also I'm really sorry that this is happening to you... Your parents don't seem to care that you are your own person and that this is your life, not theirs. It's probably very hard, but hold on to the hope that you could one day escape from your parents when you feel suicidal... Remember that regardless of what they say, they are wrong. They are the bad people, you are the innocent one. It's not your fault, you're not worthless or stupid, they are mean and don't deserve to have you around. Try to get away from them, but don't just trust any stranger. Sadly, there are lots of people who would take advantage from someone who fled from their family. I don't want you to go from one terrible situation to the other, you deserve a save home and loving friends. Getting help from an organisation is usually the savest option, but some organisations are really bad at their job.... Do some research if you can.

[@КатеринаКотик-п8ф]

You are brave enough to admit your problem and seek for help. I admire that treat in you. If you are willing to listen, I would like to give you a piece of advice: 1) read more materials on practical psychology. The key word here is practical. Not those theories by Freud, no, no, no. Practical. The one which gives advice about real life situations. There are a lot of books written on the subject, like Dale Carnegie's. They really helped me a lot with my anxiety problems. But you can try other ones, just remember about the practical part. I also recommend the so-called self-help books. Not everything in them may apply to your situation, but it's ok. Try various options, described in them, to change your life to see which one suits you. Why do you need to read such books? Because it is easier to recognise manipulation if you have been warned about how it looks like. For example, don't open the door to the strangers or you might get robbed or killed. The same thing about abuse. Recognise the red flags beforefand. You need to know exactly what techniques your parents are using against you so that not to be manipulated. I'll give you a link to free online books on the matter. I strongly advise you to finish reading them within the next six month: www.holistickamedicina.sk/kniznica/Dale%20Carnegie%20-%20How%20To%20Stop%20Worrying%20And%20Start%20Living%20.pdf images.kw.com/docs/2/1/2/212345/1285134779158_htwfaip.pdf 2) Educate yourself If you cannot earn a living for yourself, your parents may manipulate you with financial support. Try hard at school, if it is possible, go to university. With a degree you have better chances to find a job. Why does having a job matter? You will earn money and money = independence. Wish you luck and patience.

[@sophiesometimessews]

Huy Trần Xuân talk to someone at school or at an after school activity. Most likely these people care about you, and will help you. I wish you the best of luck and stay strong.

[@saritaevans3723]

Do not commit suicide!! And get out of there, do not be afraid to call the police

[@Snow-sx5ev]

Huy Trần Xuân please don't do it, please, PLEASE DON'T COMMIT SUICIDE... trust me, I've tried, I've cut, just don't... Find a friend, call a helpline or child services, please don't be dead

[@xomirna]

my mom does all of these things

[@danimaru9714]

Same

[@alienking3427]

yoongi's wife I'm sorry you have to deal with her, you don't deserve to be treated like that. I bet your an amazing person. Let her be an example of what not to be. I hope someday you surround yourself with people who love you and support you. I believe in you, everything's going to be okay❤

[@xomirna]

Alien King thank you💖

[@hankwilliams431]

Relatable

[@sariahjames8331]

dumb bitch wow really your so being abused 😂 you really don’t know what real abuse is

[@emilys.467]

I just realized I'm being emotionally and mentally abused by peers and family...

[@black-rose4014]

That One Midnight Gamer Yeah same

[@sleepycryptid8275]

Same. Three of these things my little brother does to me.

[@telayajackson2.023]

Same. No wonder I seek approval. Now, I feel indifferent towards myself and hate my mom and my sister for ignoring my feelings.

[@emilys.467]

Pizza Freak I'm sorry to hear that. I'm like that with almost everyone I meet.

[@deniseseminoff6847]

Same for me and my parents :(

[@samscrimecorner457]

I love these videos. Its helped me get through a lot. Thank you

[@Psych2go]

Glad to hear Sam!

[@kjtamf]

Sam Sherman 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@tigerx36]

Controlling is one of the best words to describe my dad. My mom suffered for years and I wasn't targeted most of the time. We knew he wouldn't take responsibility for his actions. Yeah, violence was one of the key factors. A bad temper just came with it. He only picked a fight with me one time when I unintentionally refused to give him control. I got really messed up. Years after that, he still tried to check in on us. But we're in a better position.

[@smStarryNite]

I thought these behaviors were sort of normal, but after more knowledge of what abuse is, I found that it was too late to fight because my step-father knows people. He manipulated people and blackmails them into doing what he wants. He’s a sociopath, from my opinion and observation, but he does show the qualities because he can be charming to outsiders and evil behind closed doors. Since I was 2 years old, I’ve been mentally, emotionally, and physically abused by him. Starting from burning my ring finger with a lighter to making me go down in a squat form, toes up, and arms up for hours. It still haunts me up to today(4 years after moving away)... My mother is still in a custody battle that seems like it’s never ending. A “bible belt state”, the lawyers say. Because it’s a bible belt state, the judge won’t help the kids because they believe both parents deserve to be parents. They don’t seem like they care about the children. My siblings want out. My used-to-step-dad says they can leave to their mom, but he’ll fight for them... he doesn’t care how they feel. He just wants to hurt my mother. He doesn’t even watch or hang out with his kids. What’s the point in relying in the government when they won’t help defend those who can’t?! I wish I had a way out when I was younger. I wish I knew it was wrong. I wish I knew I had a choice to tell someone. But, he guilt tripped me. Made me think he loved me as his own, but also humiliating me to my siblings, his brothers and sisters, and to his friends. I was a joke to them. They called me donkey because of my thighs. I wasn’t even unhealthy looking to be called that. I was actually below weight and the doctor tried to help us by coming to court. But, nothing worked because it’s a bible belt state. I wish I could do something to protect my siblings and help them. I hate not helping and knowing that they want out, but can’t get out...

[@jamesmcintosh2354]

SMStarryNite in this state minor emancipation can begin by age sixteen. Or used to be able. Laws may have changed.

[@jasmineyoungblood]

Thank you for referring to the abused as "the victim". I'm so tired of people normalizing and romanticizing these toxic behaviors.

[@michellechristineday]

I was in an abusive room mate situation and its crazy how easy to stay in it and think you can handle it and shake it off but it really stays with you and damages you more than you think.

[@PorgWitch]

My ex wouldn't let me leave a store until I tried on a dress I didn't want to wear, regardless of how uncomfortable I said he made me feel. When I did something he wasn't used to he would tell me it was weird and bring others into it saying "hey tell her this is weird! Look at this!" I'm a stay in kind of person, he would try to teach me how to do more outdoorsy things because he said he "wanted to make me an outdoor girl." This got to the point where I almost drowned after falling off a jet ski (I can't swim). Even though I was horrified, later that day he kept trying to make me go back into the lake so I could learn how to swim. I'm very glad emotional abuse gets acknowledged. I get worried that because I have not been physically threatened, I have no business speaking about my experiences.

[@AlastorTheNPDemon]

Penny Dreadful Too real, especially with the lack of clear and present physical danger. My brother is the same way - writes off concerns as "bellyaching" and tells me his anger problems are my fault. Even better, he tells me "not to listen to that voice in [my] head that says [he's] the problem, because it's defeatist and letting [my] misery take over." I hope he ends up in prison and gets that attitude slapped out of his mouth.

[@LoLitaChatte13]

What to do if you are the abuser but not consciously? I love my partner more that anything and support him and give him many love and security most of the times. But sometimes I find myself using some of these techniques on him. Usually bc I am not confident enough in myself.

[@itaraaah]

I think it's really great that your now concious of what you're doing. The best advice I can give us to try talking to your partner and ask if he's been having any issues with your relationship.

[@enbyintheback]

Oh thank Jesus! I do some of these sometimes too amd reading these comments was making me feel like literal trash. Thank you.

[@aenor-llelo]

sit down with your partner and have an open, long talk about your behavior. make sure you dont blow up if they say something negative about you and make sure they know that their words wont mean retribution from you in the future. encourage them to be open if they feel you are pushing their boundaries or being overly controlling. its good you have the self awareness to see these potential patterns in your behavior and that is the biggest factor to improving.

[@graquinn4058]

No you are not an abuser. Just talk with him like a healthy adult and don't immediately jump to assuming that either of you are the 100% black and white abuser, no shades of gray, no nothing. I did that after my toxic ex-best friend REPEATEDLY abused and hurt me (with ways that were NOT mentioned in the video, by the way), and I ended up saying things like "if you really loved me, you wouldn't do these things on purpose knowing it would hurt me" and "please stop doing this it hurts me" and giving her ultimatums because she kept absolutely REFUSING to talk and hear me out like a normal adult; she'd always leave and then block me and any attempts at trying to figure out the situation normally. And then she called ME toxic and abusive, and I believed her. Just talk to them normally. We're all trash sometimes. Doesn't mean we're sociopathic abusers. It probably just means we're hurting and were never taught how to handle these emotions right.

[@taylorcooper9885]

I wish I would have seen this when I was being abused. I started to develop abusive tendencies after that period of my life and I'm trying so hard to make it stop. This resource is really amazing for victims, thank you. This would have helped me so much

[@sherenifernando97]

Wow relatable especially when I’m going through it right now. And it’s my own mother

[@jamie91995]

Same, except the police sided with my mother and treated me like shit and led to a suicide attempt

[@sherenifernando97]

The Jeffrey 27 I’m so sorry to hear that, you’ll get through it, I know we all can. Stay strong and don’t hurt yourself.❤️

[@jamie91995]

Shereni Fernando I’m already hurting myself mentally

[@sherenifernando97]

The Jeffrey 27 I know nothing helps when you’re stuck in this loophole. I’m going through the exact same thing. All we can do is to be with each other, even if it’s online. All I can say is to stay strong and not give up. AND DO NOT HURT YOURSELF PHYSICALLY!!! You can hurt your mind and it can be healed! ❤️

[@jamie91995]

Shereni Fernando no, I’m far beyond saving, do u have an Instagram so we can talk there?

[@cailynvries1788]

My friend did most of these things. She was one year older then me. She made me feel so terrible and she was manipulative. Our friendship is now needed and I’m kinda glad it did because she made me feel like I was lost without her.

[@emma.sakowicz]

7/10 of these from my last partner... this is so important educationally! it's way too common not to be talked about... it's also good to try and check yourself if you feel like you're doing any of these and talk to your partner about a healthy solution

[@kimsmith819]

I definitely have one of these in my life. Its always my job to fix whatever is wrong with our relationship, but he has the anger and manipulative issues. Id instantly confess if I were in the wrong. Im not afraid to admit my wrongs

[@haroldmoonwalkerharold3586]

I didn’t know that some of these behaviors were abusive back then. Now I see why my ex broke up with me. I thought that having a bad temper, expressing your anger with words, telling her everything you think without prudence, checking up on your girlfriend, feeling jealousy and forcing other people to do things to get them out of their comfort zone, and kissing your loved one without warning; I thought those were normal behaviors in relationships. It’s hurts to admit that I was an abusive person, without meaning to. But now I know better and I have improved my beliefs about relationships, love and people.

[@D.O.R.E.I]

Been through everything in this video both irl and online.. Wish I've had seen these videos many many years ago.

[@devin8367]

DOREI I'm so sorry, is everything better now?

[@D.O.R.E.I]

No, stuff like this leaves traumatic marks..

[@devin8367]

DOREI Yes I know, but I meant are you still going through the abuse, if so you need to find a way to get away from them

[@vicksterinig9169]

The scars from abuse can last a long time. Mid 40s and still struggling! Massive fear of abandonment. Insecure, anxious, depressed. My dad still finds ways to make sure he causes havoc in our families. I hold a lot of guilt for not being able to fix it. It’s a cycle! When he dies, we will all be able to breathe easy!

[@Platymapuss]

I just got out of an abusive 8 year relationship... I wish I had recognized a lot of red flags in the beginning. It's amazing how skilled abusers are at psychologically destroying their victims. Even though I have a restraining order he still finds a way to get messages to me that he's going to kill me and himself if he don't come back. Usually through family members or friends...sometimes he uses a text now number. Alternately guilt tripping and threatening. And the sad thing is, I feel like I need to help him because he can't help himself... I don't know. I'm not the person I once was... I miss that girl.

[@qj2003fall]

Don't help him. It's not your responsibility.

[@FunkelMausie]

Everytime I watch these videos I realise more and more about my past and start to really feel awfull again. Maybe you should do a video on how to deal with things from your past that still haunt you? Letting go and stuff? That would be awesome!

[@Francisco-j1e]

I agree with all but still I won't take all of those signals literally every day. If I had someone telling me they would kill themselves I wouldn't abandon them right away even if I recognize that attitude as manipulation. George Carlin said: "between no freedom and total freedom I choose total freedom" well I rather have total equilibrium. Sometimes I feel obligated to help someone notice their own faults. Also we live in a economic system were so many people are abused constantly and nobody cares...I care and I choose what I tolerate from other people. Society will "rightfully" and "lawfully" ungodly mistreat some people just because they are poor for example. I think honestly if we recognize ever single of these signals as abuse and immediately proceed to abandon that person I'd say it's outright selfish. There are many degrees of abuse. Some people do not intend to abuse but they have no experience on expression or had insufficient parents so got a messed up personality. I think it's an asshole move to just abandon people that need help developing themselves. I agree with this video and I can recognize most signals, but I plan act on them by making the other person understand and not by demonizing without explain the reason.

[@KyranisaurusRex]

This was my life for 3 hellish years. I didn't even realize how bad it was until I was able to escape my abuser and I didn't even realize it was abuse until I watched this video. I had all 10 of these things happen to me on a daily basis for 3 years. But I'm very thankful that it is over. I wish I realized how bad it was and got help. It probably would have ended sooner. I hope people who are going through an abusive relationship but aren't aware that it's abuse watch this video so they can get help. It would have helped me a lot if I saw it ealier.

[@LiterallyUnperfect]

Wow, it took me two years to realize that I was in an abusive relationship. I'm so thankful I'm out of it now!

[@shanforshort8713]

I got abused but I’ve changed so much . I’m so strong headed and self assured when it comes to the way people should treat me .

[@rosenvitae]

I started watching trying to compare how unsupportive my upbringing had been, only to realize that I actually identify with the abuser on part 3 and 4. I'm glad that I'm now aware of it so I can make improvements.

[@moniquesmeadow]

I always love the animations on your posts! They are a great way to communicate the ideas in a memorable and engaging way, especially for emotionally difficult subjects.

[@avengedsvfdrcks]

My gf does a lot of these things. We’ve been on and off for 5 years because of it. Earlier this year she started taking medication for her mental illnesses and she was back to her loving self. However, she hasn’t taken her meds and things are getting bad again. It doesn’t matter what I say or do. It sucks because I wanna marry her and have kids and grow old but dealing with her constant ups and downs(even though it is just mental illness) is exhausting. I don’t know what to do

[@Asigedge]

Just another introverted kid either she gets back on her med or you leave. Im bipolar and I will say mental illness is no excuse to subject people to abuse of any form

[@avengedsvfdrcks]

Asigedge thank you. I agree. It’s a really touchy subject though so how do I bring it up without offending her?

[@purpleb3106]

Look at the goal of what you truly want from a partner and see if she meets that. Also if you want children take into account that she has had this behaviour for 5 years on and off, think if you would want your children to grow up with such a volatile parent. Also some mental illnesses are biologically passed on, so think if you would be able to deal with your children possibly being similar to her.

[@avengedsvfdrcks]

Sabie XXX I never thought about it like that. Thank you for that.

[@RubyRobbins88]

Been in two abusive relationships...it sucks. Im a recovering co-dependant which has a lot to do with how I grew up with an extremely co-dependant/controlling parent. I'm doing so much better now. I've gone to therapy and gained healthy friendships. I can enjoy my life without thinking everything wrong with the world and other people is my fault or responsibility. I'm much much happier now.

[@shakahbrah7934]

Why does this sound like the type of parenting I see/have 24/7

[@riverdeep399]

This needs to be taught in schools to help teens prevent being stuck in this cycle. Very informative, thank you. :)

[@amen_thol]

I just realized my "friend" does almost all of these...

[@gaelvain]

Jeon Taekook 95 get away then! I know it's hard but you'll be much happier I promise..

[@kilcitykitty]

Every time i watch any of these, they are always on point to the T and paints the pictures of my everyday current life...I watch them to show myself its not me..

[@geoffreylynnegambrelljr.4132]

I've been guilty of some of these actions and didn't know until afterwards it was abusive. One namely, checking in on a girlfriend, I did have suspicions they were cheating on me and lied about where they were though. Unfortunately, I was right. However, any thoughts on how to decerne between good and bad relationships? So one doesn't become an abuser in the first place?

[@MackenziiRivers]

in general, if any side is lying this isnt good. good communication is ky, giving some breathing space, but always ask if there is an issue, but if they lye, and you find out the truth descuss why they lyed. if they carry this on, they may be a compulsive lyer and talking to a therapist will help, or let them go.

[@clarissarivera1472]

I've been through these red signs myself. my mother used to do this to me, and all I've ever had fault was being a kid and just growing up. unfortunately given I have a mental illness that involves depression and anxiety and I've ended up doing some of these things to a 4 year old relationship I had. I always felt bad about and I always came back to my partner, trying to apologize and make up for it. but given I'm trapped to a seeming never ending cycle, I just end up repeating the same mistakes again. and it would just get worse everytime it happened. to a certain point no matter how hard I tried to change it, i always came back to it. I was hurting so bad just as much as I was hurting my partner. I forced myself to break the relationship and I had to wait in the worst possible moment to attach myself to another person. only for the same things to happen again, only this time around I got repercussions and I'm still hurting to this day and I still hate this aspect of myself so freaking much. but as of lately I've just been accepting the fact that I'm just human, like everyone else is. you're bound to mess up big time. we just gotta draw the line to avoid further long-term damage and just shake ourselves from it

[@geoffreylynnegambrelljr.4132]

Clarissa Rivera, I hear you, it's hard not to make someone the source of one's own self worth. I think you are on the right track with accepting where you are in your process. Consider that you are awesome for realizing that you can make mistakes and it be ok because, you'll learn from it. That attitude will give you the self worth you need to break your cycle, if that's what you define as being your problem. I prey you are successful. Thanks for sharing.

[@kdrfjvehgrkegotf4912]

It isn't abuse if you make it a not daily or weekly routine. Once a month or something would be good and if that is the type then you did nothing wrong with it. You has the right to be curious and you found the truth. In that case your partner was the one in the wrong

[@clarissarivera1472]

Geoffrey G thank you so much for those words dude. You made my whole day

[@missmarjum]

I was about to get into such relationship. But thanks to God I picked the first two signs mentioned here quite early and ended it right away. There is no need to waste time with such people. On the other hand, I pray to God to give him some understanding about his wrong behaviours.

[@gertrude137]

I was in a bad friendship. They'd get mad when I slept instead of talking to them even though I had class the next day. They'd talk shit behind my back when mad at me and then tell me what they said, and the specific insults. When I was mad, they didn't try to help anything they just called me names and even telling me that this is why my parents didn't love me (a fear that I had shared with them). After that they continued to use personal stuff I shared with them against me. Even my eating disorder. They'd pick at little things and then call me abusive for getting upset at that. I told them I was done with them and they threatened to kill themselves and blew up my number and social medias. It was terrible. Worst thing is I miss them. Not saying that to be edgy or whatever it's just. You become dependant on someone for so long. Centre your world around them and it's just empty feeling now that they're gone. at the end of the day I'm glad I left though.

[@cherylduckworth8185]

Hope you're doing better now. I think that's called trauma Bond I had the same thing

[@janina1347]

Many of these are exactly like my brother. I'm glad he will move out in a few years

[@theREALblackfeatherfox]

The part about the cops always makes me cringe. I called and begged them to send me someone to take me to a shelter after having been choked and having my life threatened only moments before. When the cops got there, they arrested ME instead! Maybe it's because it was in a predominantly white neighborhood and my skin is brown while his is white. Or, maybe it was because he was waiting for them outside and gave them his lie of a sob story. Most likely, it was all of the above. Either way, depending on the situation and demographics involved - I would avoid calling the cops. Instead, I would do whatever it takes to get up, get out on your own two feet (literally) and just run. Run until you're someplace safe with your wallet and your phone and THEN call someplace for help. And think hard about whether or not calling the cops immidiately is going to do you any good. I do suggest that once you are safely far away from your abuser that you file for a restraining order if need be.

[@Alo-gp7mk]

I wish I knew these signs sooner, but thank you for helping me realize the abusive friendship I was in.

[@jailinecornejo3629]

I fight back!!!!!!! I'm tired of being in am un happy toxic relationship.

[@natthebratster]

Breaking, ruining or even killing things the victim loves or cares about is a big one that needs mentioning

[@adityapradhan2965]

The new art style is great!

[@rachelhardy2957]

I hate guilt tripping. SO MUCH. I used to have a friend who did that to me when I'd hang out with other friends instead, or when I tried to set up boundaries. He'd also get me things to hang over my head if I ever did anything to piss him off. Needless to say, I'm not friends with him anymore. It's important to know that it's not JUST romantic relationships that can be toxic. Your friends and family can be toxic and abusive too, in these exact ways.

[@Samilord755]

"Please don't make any sudden moves, you don't know the half of the abuse."

[@jamesmcintosh2354]

I adore that song. Going to try and write more verses with more upside.

[@Samilord755]

Timber :3 I listen to type o negative version by ten second songs it's amazingly haunting

[@excusemewhatthefuck386]

Sulfuric Acid TØP

[@mg_makintosh]

I used to be in an abusive relationship, and he did all of these things to me. But now I'm okay, I'm out of that relationship and with someone who really cares, and who would never think of hurting me. I'm so glad I got out of my old relationship.

[@FranticPixel]

Also there’s no links in the description except buy a bracelet.

[@Edgypoo]

thats all you need to get help-

[@FranticPixel]

Miles Edgeworth.Copy magic go go gadget bracelet where I push a button and Deadpool comes and kicks the person’s butt. Got it

[@Psych2go]

What are you looking for?

[@FranticPixel]

Psych2Go in the video it mentioned that they would be links to resources in the video description for places to get help. And there are none.

[@_elenaio_]

You're right. I was just about to comment it as well

[@hew2936]

I used to suffer from emotional abuse from a friend. I knew the friendship was toxic, and I don't talk with them anymore, but I never knew it was _abuse._ I never imagined that I would say "I used to suffer from abuse" at any point in my life. It's shocking. It explains my current behavior with friendships, my low self-esteem, it explains everything.

[@nevaehhamilton3493]

Friendships are overrated. Being lonely is better

[@septemberwilson9989]

I get that these are symptoms of abuse but a few of them are also linked with mental disorders. Like the one where the abuser checks up on the victim, that could just be a girl worried about her friend. Same thing with the abuser wanting to know where the victim is a lot. I understand that these can be flags for abuse, but a few people might begin to think they’re being abused, when they’re actually just getting worried or thought about a lot. Just a thought. 😊

[@blakebelladonna9075]

Well, contextually, the examples make sense.

[@lore9446]

And it was really nice from you to help people with it!

[@theartsynerd3979]

So..... parents?

[@pjdougherty6442]

A majority of these apply to someone I used to be friends with. He has a history of being abusive to his girlfriends, most of which end up cheating on him and leaving him, and he would always tell me about it and frame himself in a somewhat sympathetic light. It wasn’t until recently that I realized just how controlling and abusive he was, not just to his girlfriends, but to me as well. I’m honestly glad I stopped talking to him.

[@marstin315]

Do these count for parents? ‘cause my parents do like half of these things.

[@Psych2go]

Of course. They are signs of abuse that applies to relationships of any sorts :)

[@marstin315]

Psych2Go then what do I do?

[@marmar6_688]

Psych2Go but the "making you do something you don't want to do" part doesn't count for parents because sometimes they have to do that for our well

[@iidentifyasyourhighness9294]

If you're underage, get a job and secretly save up for your own place. I HIGHLY recommend putting away your tax returns and take some money out of every paycheck and use all that money to get your own place when you turn 18. They can't keep you from leaving when you're 18. If you feel like they might hold you hostage, call a constable. They're supposed to keep the peace while you're moving out of there.

[@Mango-td8yw]

i like this style and the voice my friend was being abused a few months back where this internet guy did some stuff and i think if she didn’t get help she’d be dead but she’s better now thank yoooou i love this channel

[@mynamejehhff1608]

Thank you

[@noriaraya1415]

I just got out of a toxic relationship, they were always blaming all there negative emotions on me and bringing me down. They also didn’t like when I hung out with my friend and got upset when I left her alone to do something. I finally ended our relationship, but she tried one last time texting me if “we could still talk” I just said something like “ I’m trying to get rid of negativity in my life to be happier” she got super mad and was interrogating me through texting and guilt tripping while doing so. I’m much happier now that I’m not with her, and I can finally have fun with my friends

[@parsafakhar]

don't say call 911 they are too many narcissists and idiots who are watching this and get delusional that they are being abused!!

[@stuffz4040]

They aren’t really delusional it’s just these guidelines are vague asf

[@draoidh6479]

yep

[@leizylromero]

Sounds like something an abuser would say

[@zabelinextreme927]

But the ones in real danger never think about asking for help... sooooo to you is ok that somebody may put in risk his life if that helps you to keep "those narcissistic morons" quiet?

[@trishwright986]

Great point! 911/999 are for EMERGENCIES ONLY. learn the phone# of your local non-emergency police dispatch. ONLY call 911/999 in life threatening, urgent, or emergency situations where one needs assistance RIGHT AWAY. there's another helpful # in the U.S., *211,* which is "first call for help". It will point one in the direction of assistance in an abusive situation.

[@chathurasandakelum7641]

Im in an abusive relationship for last three years, I tried so hard to get out of it, but I couldn't. I wish I have someone to talk to, someone to help me through this, someone who would listen to me... Thanks you for these vids it helps me a lot at least to understand what im going through

[@lauragadille3384]

My ex was an emotional and sexual abuser. Glad I left him.

[@Itszanni]

Every single thing, besides physical abuse, was my ex best friend who was also my roommate. I didn’t realize it for so long and it got out of hand. I’m glad that I finally realized and had a good support system because idk what would’ve happened if I stayed.

[@jovanaletic6077]

My "father": **slaps me** Me: **tries to slap him back** My grandmother: **protects him from me**

[@praisethesun69]

this new intro is 1000x better. super cute and no more scary slashies :D great work as always

[@Psych2go]

knight solaire we're glad you're enjoying the new intro! We love it too!

[@euniro]

I love the intro!

[@Psych2go]

Glad you like it! Credit goes to Surey!

[@docorwho1212]

Thank you for this. Honestly this came at the time I need it most

[@nonameneededd]

Happy Mental Awareness Month

[@Lexi-hy4nr]

I had a best friend who did this to me for 3-4 years. I went into the friendship with my own personaility, always willing to stand up for myself and walked out of it feeling guilty, high-strung, worn down, and like i had no voice. I finally stood up for myself and confronted him for his controlling ways and he, of course, got angry, wouldn't be held accountable for anything he had done to me. I blocked him, and he, of course, tried to get to me in every way possible, by texting me off of his sisters phone to call him asap, turned my other friend against me, and reached out to every single family member asking if IM ok, of course trying to play the innocent hero. People like that are vampires and will suck the life, confidence, and energy right out of you. It has been a year since I cut him out of my life, and I still suffer from the back lash of it all. I am slowly, but surely finding myself and my confidence again. Mental and emotional abuse can be just as severe as physical. Be careful who you let into your life.

[@johnnyforeigner1009]

But by this definition almost everyone I've ever known is abusive... and yet I haven't called the police.

[@huajie666liu8]

People should stop being too nice to each other. When you are unhappy but try to be nice, the result is only one. You either hurt yourself or hurt others because of pending up anger and unhappiness.

[@beefstroganoff1774]

Perfect timing :))))

[@tiannawataah]

That’s sad that people can resort to being abusive like that.

[@davidcastro4329]

I don't care about myself.

[@RoyalKingA73]

David Castro, try to because nobody else will. I have the same problem. It's hard to care about yourself when other people think your being selfish when you're not. Try to start caring for yourself. I'm trying to do the same.

[@darickaf2587]

well maybe we can try to find a way, how about that? no matter who you are, what your story is, you're here, it means you exist, even if you don't feel like you do, so you matter, you just don't know it yet

[@devin8367]

David Castro Well, other people care for you, even if it doesn't seem like it. The people who care may be ones you don't suspect of caring for you

[@Francisco-j1e]

I care. I don't know why people are so focused in creating a selfish society.

[@devin8367]

F. Teixeira This worlds a bad place these days

[@hunter11220]

Problem with videos like this is you'll start to see abuse everywhere even if its not. Humans are complicated creatures and can't be boiled down in a simple 10 point list. It's important to know possible signs but its also important to know the difference between abuse and disagreements. I see and know too many people who cry abuse constantly as a means of control itself

[@LordOSalt]

"If you leave me, I'll kill myself" Somehow I highly doubt that

[@mayagraphicart7077]

This is very helpful, thank you, my friend would really need this video.

[@Psych2go]

Maya Graphicart glad we could help :)

[@ariallaguing6524]

my childhood

[@Alexandra-th7hm]

The content is good yet the way it’s explained I have an issue with. The terminology used like victim and abuser makes it sound like one person is evil and the other a victim when in reality it’s all about being in a defensive position so the one who is “abusing “ the “victim “ doesn’t feel shame or bad about anything and is deflecting and blaming in order to keep control. The control is about fear. Being vulnerable is to scary so being abusive is how they stay safe. A lot of times this is all unconscious and not an evil attempt to hurt the other but a reaction from feeling defensive. If you’re wanting to help people truly heal them addressing this fact will help both people in this unhealthy situation learn how they can take full responsibility and become aware of how they are reacting unconsciously . Becoming conscious and learning that being vulnerable is the way towards peace is key 🧡✨

[@jermainehammer7672]

Top 3 comments?

[@allmight9646]

Things like this caused me to always have random angry outbursts. If you have it too, meditate and go do something you love.

[@olivia.__.perez12]

Hi!

[@Psych2go]

Hey there :)

[@mmymmy315]

This honestly hits home when it comes to my parents...

[@memesupreme905]

Don't blane OUR Red flag!!!

[@honeybee1256]

As much as I love my dad, he does these things to my mom . Mainly guilt tripping, calling my mom delusional, loud, and over emotional. He has a bad temper sometimes and makes everything her problem. This usually happens only when he’s off his anti-depressants. I worry for my brother because my dad’s been a huge jerk to him. Calling him worthless and not “man” enough.

[@richardking3680]

I told my ex that if she loved me, she wouldn't be cheating on me. She continued to cheat causing me to become insecure, paranoid, controlling, manipulative, eventually leading to a mental breakdown and constantly being angry and abusive... But I'm the one in the wrong, right(?) This video is absolute nonsense, with no real thinking into what causes people to become "abusive". Oh, and typical. It's a woman behind these videos. There's absolutely no baised mentality behind this, is there(?)

[@yakubbi]

Crazy how horrible people can be..

[@sarakrause4287]

So I'm abused but I don't care anyway

[@darickaf2587]

Sa ra you should because your well being matters, you deserve to be treated with respect, it's your right

[@sarakrause4287]

chlo edits Thank you but I don't, I deserve to be abused, it's my fault

[@darickaf2587]

Sa ra trust me i know how you feel but let me tell you one thing : no matter who you are or what your story is, you're here, that means you exist, even if you don't feel like you do, so you matter, you just don't know it yet, besides, no one deserves to be abused in any way, maybe you hurt people in the past or did wrong in your life but honestly, who didn't? and guess what? even if you were the shittiest person ever (and you're not) it still doesn't make abuse okay, guilt is just the continuity of it so now what? well, i don't think me or my words are relevant enough to make a difference, but if you feel like you could use someone to talk to, that would be my pleasure!! i wish you the best for what's coming, you deserve to get better, remember that

[@sarakrause4287]

chlo edits Thank you so much !! That's so kind of you :) ♡