10 Tactics Female Covert Narcissist Use to Keep You HOOKED

[@ELanguageGeneration]

You can't save her by staying, but you can save yourself by leaving.

[@iangoodman4148]

I wish I had seen this back in 1973. I finally got completely away in 2017.

[@petemorton8403]

By leaving all your labor,luck & planning, most is handed over to her. Plus many other things. She knows this & it's why this happens. No downside for her. But leave and face reality you're screwed.

[@urrywest]

@@petemorton8403 There was no downside for me when she left. I was lucky... I had some emotional owies that I got over. We arn't on speaking terms because when I went over to her house one time she told me not to come back.

[@christopherboudreau6328]

That’s the truth

[@Ashkoren]

@@iangoodman4148 that's a marathon

[@licmir3663]

Once you learn about narcissism (lack of empathy, manipulation, gaslighting, future faking, silence treatment etc.), it becomes ridiculously easy to spot a narcissist or someone with narcissistic traits. The major issue is that we all become victims of narcissistic abuse BEFORE we learn about the personality disorder.

[@slav7319]

It's not easy.

[@TRXST.ISSUES]

What is future faking?

[@mramces3716]

​@@TRXST.ISSUESfor instant : " just picture us in 10 years , we will have children together everything will be ok , i will wash your feet whenever you get back home , the dinner is ready on the table and our home is ...." But irl she is inconsistent af, not taking care of u when you are sick , not consistent in intimacy and so on and so forth, many npd and bpd mofos do this just to cut you off from the harsh reality of them . Hope it helps

[@Samantha-bq8bo]

So true .. when you know you know .. this should be something we teach our kids like we do about all abuse

[@chris9527]

@@TRXST.ISSUESin the beginning of the relationship I book two tickets for us to go to a concert or for a cruise then last minute refuse to take you and take someone else instead just to twist the knife a little.

[@garyharris4366]

The thing I've never understood is how they'll show you through their behavior that they really don't like you, but the moment you move on and start creating a life that doesn't revolve around them, they become vindictive; they'll change the narrative of what really happened between you and them.

[@P1345-d9p]

Ur a supply to them aka source of energy that they hate cuz they need to break u mentally and they hate u cuz they know they need u as food (energy supply for them to regulate their emotions) because they are disconnected with themselves cuz they have a disconnected sense of self

[@danielruiz6875]

Reframing reality and confabulation. Oh man, that hurts.

[@gtown03boy]

This right here makes me crazy!!! Push pull… confusion

[@jjberg83]

Yup! Mine actually told me the lies she spread via verbal digs at me after we tried again to date each other. That I was cheap (we went half on bills and rent). Which is definitely coming from her TikTok garbage because that's the thing over there. But it hurt because the amount I spent on dates and groceries threw me into debt. She literally just forgot everything i did for her. I spent a ton! Never again...

[@fahimshahriyar2494]

She Used to act like leaving me & when I used to get balnaced she again came like nothing happened which made me almost lose sanity

[@canadianbacon587]

I married a female covert narcissist and, although there were signs, nothing alarming before marriage. After marriage, the mask came off 48 hours after the ceremony. The push/pull was so intense. She knew I would do anything to fix her perceived problems so, she created more problems. I was losing myself daily. The damage was so extensive, it took me 10 months of therapy and grieving and I’m STILL not completely through it. The toxic bond was just that strong. She smeared me online 2 months after marriage and it devastated me. Get out if you feel even the slightest amount of manipulation! You will save yourself from unimaginable pain.

[@squiretaylor51]

Omg spot on same here after marriage the mask came off

[@supportthejerseymob]

Same here, for 6 years it was an emotional roller coaster, she finally discarded me for the new supply, it’s got me messed up

[@afd3206]

It takes around 3 years to get totally over it, but finally you do get over them. Zero contact, full blockage of any possible contact, even block email address. Do not erase your whatsapp or similar messages, if she used to manipulate you using it. It will help you to SEE it, to see how she was doing it even in times you did not know at the time. But dont worry, you will get over it. All this videos help a lot to recognise the thimgs she did to you too.

[@Bat_Boy]

She can't "get you addicted to her validation", as this video suggests. Ultimately, everyone owns their mental / emotional state of mind. A better point: what is it about you that makes you so vulnerable to manipulation?

[@jefflehti7954]

Well said, don’t ever go back!! I hope you are doing well now…

[@mariomarcosalbuquerque1921]

17 years of marriage. 1.000 problems to solve, exploitation, lies, financial abuse, cheating, STD, passive-agressive behaviour, coldness mixed with moments (crumbs) of happiness, debts... The list goes on and on. It took 1 year and a half to escape this, due to the trauma bond. Now, i am 45 years old and no wife or kids. She was the biggest mistake of my life, hands down.

[@dontassumemyfender9866]

Or the best lesson you will ever have.

[@DK-eu2op]

God is near the brokenhearted!❤ Be glad you dont have kids with her!!

[@mikenevermind2727]

Same boat for me. Was married 5 years got attached to her kids. My step kids. Busted my ass daily for her and the kids and it all turned out to be a waste of time. Decided to finally cut ties completely with her and the kids unfortunately I was told I will eventually be Hoovered

[@vincentboersma9227]

take your time to heal. like she said you probably did not know she/he had an disorder. be kind to yourself

[@miauwington]

Same. 27 years together. Now I am 45 as well. We divorced 2-3 years ago. Took me a while but I feel happier than ever. Give it time and love your self. We are who we are now because of our experiences. Only Now matters. If you focus on healing yourself first, good things will happen. Good luck.

[@CJ74U2NV]

Good Lord, it's like you were living with me and my ex-wife, taking notes to make this video. I used to think that people overused the term narcissist and gas lighting because they wanted to blame others for things that went wrong. Thank God I actually decided to see a therapist who showed me that these are not just buzzwords but there are really people out there that do this. It literally saved my life.

[@theguynextdoor4978]

The thing is that, when people say: I want back the person they were when I met them, is very misleading. This translates to: I want back the illusion of what they THOUGHT I wanted in the beginning. Narcissists sell people illusions, and mirror people to mimic a perfect soul mate.

[@BarkingForBroccoliBG]

Yep

[@sreach93]

I'm so glad this is coming from a woman. There seems to be channels on this subject clearly insinuating that narcissism is a male problem. Thanks for balancing the ledger 🙏

[@LairdSquared]

One night asleep, I had my arm cuddling my narcissistic girlfriend, and I woke up to her peeling my arm off her, and dropping it like she absolutely hated me touching her. I don't think she realised I was awake, but this showed me what she REALLY felt about me... And along with the gaslighting, habitual lying, and emotional manipulation, it was sooo obvious looking back ☹️

[@airbear69]

My ex would hold me while we were awake but kick me and push me away while she was asleep. She would intentionally wake me up if I feel asleep before her. It hurt so bad to realize what was happening.

[@maxstrike3022]

​@@airbear69why do they hate when u sleep before them?

[@omerlikos2549]

you cant spot it while beeing wirh a narcissist. they always talk you out of it. she is like: i love you but you cant see it. She is telling you that the problem is your perception not her lies. She doesnt love you, she just needs you. she loves no one. She never felt it.

[@LairdSquared]

​@@omerlikos2549 You're 100% right, and I always kicked myself that when I tried to discuss my feelings about her behaviour, she managed to flip it... EVERY time. It almost feels like a survival instinct that runs soooo deep inside them, that they don't even realise what they're doing half the time. Even now, I'm not sure I'd deal with it correctly... I needed 2 minutes between every one of her sentences to even figure out WTF was going on. Crazy-making, poisonous and incredibly evil and damaged people. When I ended things (and before she tried hoovering me back up, which I kicked back, and then she denied even doing LMAO. She said "You read into it what you wanted to". Gaslighting YET AGAIN) but she told me a huge list of thing that I do: She said: "You're ALWAYS the victim" "You're deluded" "You're single, never married, no kids, you'll be alone and bitter forever" "You're mean and a nasty piece of work" (when I told her some home truths about being a pathological liar with zero empathy... which she told me she wasn't pathological lying, because she knew exactly when she lied LMAO) "You're emotions are so up and down" "Are you sure you're ready to be in a relationship?" "You don't know how to respect people's boundaries do you?" All of her comments are projecting herself and her horrific behaviours onto me, and many of her other comments (which I remember vividly, when I don't normally remember conversational stuff) all appear to have been confessions. Bitching about her ex being a narcissist, how abusive he was It baffles me how all these NPD 'sufferers' (i put that in inverted commas because it's never them that suffers) follow the EXACT same techniques. I'm also shocked how anyone can last longer than a few months with these women, the red flags with my ex were abundantly clear after 2 months, but I forgave them because she was love-bombing me and it felt nice and she worked for the NHS here in the UK. After watching a few documentaries it seems quite clear that these people, along with other Cluster B mental health illnesses, are attracted to careers in the NHS because of the praise and attention they get for saving people.

[@JPeter-l1k]

I dated my narcissist for five years on and off. The pain has lasted 35 years. I loved someone who did not have the capacity to love me back.

[@SoulShinobi777]

I watch these a year on with a clear mind. It is so obvious now but when you are in it you are thinking it is you that is bringing the chaos.

[@krs227]

Yeah it can really rob you of which way is up.

[@tyrefryer6884]

I call it , The Fog. Once , The Fog clears, we can clearly see the patterns and are hardwired to remove ourselves from anyone that acts that way 🙏🏼

[@Mattheus217]

Yes; I noticed as I read, watched, counseled, discussed, did workshops that things were wrong for many years, I couldn't exactly figure it out. When I started writing down specific things she said, the ways she talked to me, the use of shame, insults, guilt, need to be right, brainwashing / changing the past, emotional baiting, induced conversation, lack of compromise or negotiation, micromanagement, withholding of sex, affection, intimacy, it got super clear. It can be easy to be tricked into thinking you are imagining it, it's not that bad, maybe they had a bad day, maybe they will change back to the good woman you dated, on and on. But even now, after divorce, when I look back on notes and letters I wrote down, I see it super clear. When you read what you wrote, or you re-read hostile text messages and see the bashing and fighting, these are observable facts, data, clear. I had a counselor look at a text string where I was trying to fix a problem, she kept hammering on me, not letting up. He read them, then said, "I think it is clear who is doing the 'abusing' here...." When he said that, I felt validation of some of the crazy I heard, saw, felt for over 18 yrs. I very much appreciate your videos here, as well as others by Ross Rosenberg, Michele Nieves, Lisa Romano, Rebecca Zung, Meadow Devor, and more. This is a huge problem, and on videos like this when you read through the comments, you see many men who have had similar experiences, so you know your;re not 'crazy' as the toxic woman keeps telling you...

[@omerlikos2549]

yes!!!

[@megaace361]

I hear you

[@Mikelk71]

This was my life for the last four years. Breaking up and coming back together over and over again. Not until I took ownership and accountability of my part of this relationship was I able to finally break the cycle. It was and still is painful and will be for a while. I am about three months without contact with her. This has and is the hardest thing I have done. It was easier to leave my 25 year marriage then what I am dealing with now. I am starting to understand. My brain is still really foggy and I am still having flashbacks and many interjections. I have a support group that is so important healing from all this. Then also healing my childhood trauma also. I am grateful and thankful today but tomorrow might be different so I stay present and as conscious as I can be. Sorry for the long writing but I needed to ❤

[@ChrisPTY507]

You can retain your empathy and compassion while also preserving yourself. Your job on this Earth is not to rescue another capable adult. Never feel compelled to be responsible for someone else's mental health. Navigating your own challenges is hard enough; trying to do it for someone else will sink both ships. The farther you go into a bad relationship, the more entangled it will get. Better to see the writings on the wall early and break all ties so you can move on. You'll never be enough for the wrong person.

[@moemoleta3410]

After dealing with my 1st narcissistic woman, it's amazing how they act the way they act, the recovery from the trauma bond is soooooooo hard, the abusive cycle is relentless towards your own mind, the damage they actually do is incredible, the long term effects are real, it's a struggle recovering from the abuse

[@franksimmons9242]

@moemoleta3410 so true and trying but there seems to be no other ways to get to know who we really are. And it's worth it.

[@franksimmons9242]

It starts with tiny criticisms and disagreements early on. The micro arguments turn into trauma bonds and those seeds grow.

[@derekazyan9942]

💯

[@nyptblueone7734]

Very well put!

[@franksimmons9242]

@@nyptblueone7734 I'll just call it a three-card Molly mental game.

[@williamsannuto8239]

Great comments !

[@BarkingForBroccoliBG]

Weird thing is how they tear apart your traits thstcin love bombing they "pretended to like so much

[@ebuddha5]

That's what happened to me. You are absolutely spot on. Mine used ALL OF THEM. This is the most profound explanation I've heard.

[@LiseLeblanc]

I'm so glad this video resonated with you, and that it provided the clarity you were looking for.

[@johnwhite6312]

"ALL of them" That is what sets this evil apart from all others.

[@nyptblueone7734]

Your videos have helped me tremendously! I can be the poster boy for narcissistic victim. I’m 72 years old fool who betrayed my wife of 30 years in pursuit of a relationship with a woman 25 years younger. Now into the 10th year of this relationship and there is no way out! Not only have health issues manifested but I live in a foreign country in which I don’t speak the language. I am totally dependent on this person, who possesses not just narcissistic characteristics but BPD as well. My daily life is a rollercoaster. I lost my friends and family as result of my stupidity. With that said, I find the information posted on this channel helpful in understanding and coping . Thank you.

[@9ckr716]

The fact that you can openly admit to your mistakes and own it is honorable. I hope things get better for you

[@Scfriendly]

You are so humbly honest, it's beautiful that you acknowledge your wrongs and see things clearly, we do pay for our mistakes. But there is grace and love in the Lord Jesus, seek Him and you may have peace and joy even in your everyday struggles. GBY

[@jamesmcginn8874]

@@Scfriendlyso true--thanks

[@mashedheadball8435]

I"m in a very bad and similar spot, but you got me beat. Hang in there buddy, I hope you can find a way out and that things get better. I'm only hanging around now because I love my dogs

[@fivespeed3026]

Dude, you’ve lived there for 10 years and you haven’t bothered to learn the language, what is wrong with you? You’ve had 10 years, no wonder she’s mad at you.

[@LetsGoforDabash]

Thank you so much for speaking about female narcissists For some odd reason people don't want to talk about female narcissists

[@stevejette2329]

Lets - This country and it's "legal system" is SO VERY GEARED FOR THE WOMAN !!! Women use the man, marriage and the courts as tools to achieve their ends. Women are seen as saints, victims and men are seen as dogs and perps.

[@zgr2777]

for example? What strange reasons?

[@LetsGoforDabash]

@zgr2777 the " men bad women good" narrative, believe all women narrative and assumption of men r the only aggressor narrative 🤔 if u don't want to accept these narrative exists then I don't know what to tell u 🧐

[@stevejette2329]

@@zgr2777 I wish I knew. It's is cultural I guess. The legal system doesn't want to admit that women have flaws. IDK

[@Ashkoren]

​@@zgr2777he meant 'society' and 'narrative'. People are suffering all the same

[@bogenl12]

I dated a covert narc female for one month. Only ended about a month ago. I work at the same place with her. She’s popular and has many female friends, and male admirers. It’s confusing to hear that she checks off every box on the list, the persona is so convincing. Currently she’s breadcrumbing me with one or two word texts or emojis, and playing victim. It’s like a spirit that has a deadly formula to take men down, to get us in a stuck place. I put my faith in God to see me through to the light at the end of the tunnel.

[@Ashkoren]

That is a profound way of saying it. Indeed, it feels like a spirit. There were moments in the conversation with my ex where her normal persona comes back, but then that SPIRIT that insists on destroying can clearly be seen taking over.

[@whatdidujustsay2094]

They call it Jezebel spirit I believe.

[@LivingMilano]

Very good therapist - 5:34 marker you did a good job using sense of putting the viewer in a trance with sound and vision. The exact verbiage, the mono tone/straight forward/tough love response with the frame of reference putting you as the center point with intention of driving the point home was very intelligent.

[@DJ-jf8ts]

What's hard to grasp is much of this can take place non-verbally. They are masters of manipulation via body language, facial expressions, etc. It's very clever.

[@emointel321]

They can manipulate without uttering a single word. I lived it, horrible

[@redefinedliving5974]

passive aggression yes

[@derekhamel2991]

Plausible deniability

[@waynepires88]

9 out of 10.... nearly 8 months later and I have better clarity of what was going on then when I was living it. Thank you for being a calm voice of reason to help people who are in or have experienced a narcissistic relationship.

[@BuryTheLight-yp4mc]

She don't only isolate you from friends/family. She also do everything she can to impair you at your work, up to the point of making you lose it. That way she can gain more control over you by making you lose your financial stability. This is a big part in her isolation strategy as you may end up being financialy dependant on her. It did happen to me, she made me lose 3 different jobs one of which was a career.

[@mukesh.dhimar]

I really hope you're doing better now..

[@BuryTheLight-yp4mc]

​@@mukesh.dhimar sort of, we have a child together so the matter is complicated, we parted after I found another guy in my bed, now our son is her main tool to be an absolute idiot but I am focusing on other things too. Inb4 you ask, yeah Child/Family Court got involvedand as expected neither of them care.

[@KudaKuda-q9m]

Yup

[@matthewingham7806]

Hi can you help mw My wife made me lose my shit on holiday infront of everyone Had all those sly digs all ourarried life 12 years She told me i need to go to therapy becasue i had trauma when i was younnger and shes diagnosed me as the narcassist Ive had the shittest 5 months of my life but my therspy is making me stronger Turns out my trauma from childgood was spoken about maybe 3 times The other 15 sessions have been about her

[@MrCutFolks7]

Omg Thankyou so so much‼️ so much makes sense ‼️ I am in a horribly abusive relationship with a female narcissist. It's so bad I constantly feel like my head is spinning. Building me up and shooting me down. All I ever wanted to do is love and protect this woman and she is ruining me on a soul level. I feel so trapped. I need to get away from her, she had separated me from my family. Your videos helped me see so much. I can't Thankyou enough I am going to escape this nightmare. I thought for so long it was me and something I wasn't doing or giving her. She's been manipulating me this entire time. I feel like such a fool ‼️ Thankyou so very much

[@morizsenft3772]

Jeeez I can just repeat myself: you you are sooooooo right. Almost uncanny how precise your explanations fit!

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

At the beginning you can do nothing wrong, she acts like she adores you. Months down the rd that same women is constantly irritated and angry and you can do nothing right to please her!

[@Ashkoren]

A friend of mine once told me: if it seems too good to be true, time to run. You're being baited.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

@Ashkoren definitely. Next time I'm running.

[@travelrockstar]

Please do a video on Narcissist Parents and how they treat their children!

[@viviandevilliers1101]

Thank you Lise. I’m in the throes of early recovery from Narcissistic abuse and my relationship with the narcissist followed the pattern exactly as you described, even in the order that you numbered it although also moving up and down the order as time went by. At the end of it I felt lost and confused and an emotional wreck, and the fear of the ending of the relationship was intense, I even told her that my greatest fear was that our relationship would end, and she just looked at me in a dismissive way and said something along the lines that I was just angry. I was distressed and at the same time astonished that my feelings were totally invalidated and that she felt she was in a better position to tell me what my feelings were, and I recognised the pattern. Over the previous number of months I started to realise that our relationship was toxic and ending and her disputing what I felt and in fact telling me what I was feeling from her point of view was another confirmatory moment, associated with many other signs. When I said goodbye to her at the airport when she was going away for a couple of weeks it felt to me like a final goodbye and very painful. And it was. After that when she delayed her return I told her by phone that I came to the conclusion that she was a narcissist and all hell broke loose, flying monkeys, smear campaign, etc. And at times I still feel that I could have done more. Your points 8 and 9. It’s like being in a Stockholm syndrome or more, and it feels like detoxing from an intense addiction. Thank you very much for your KZbin videos. I’m finding it really helpful and hopeful.

[@Ashkoren]

We are seen as slaves, as extensions of them. They are not mentally healthy, and are breaking our health

[@robbehr8806]

Great video! To avoid YT automatic demotion and censorship, I'm coding some of my demographics - I'm a 69-year-old, autistic, w1te ma1e. As an autistic, I don't have the ability to communicate using facial expressions, nor tone-of-voice. My disability carries a double-edge sword: Edge 1) I have areas of vulnerability; Edge 2) People can't read my reactions, since most of that would be non-verbal. Autistics are a favorite target for narcissists and I've learned a few lessons: 1) Avoid letting the narc know they have been detected, since that will just make their game more interesting and they will change their angle of attack; 2) A narc's attempts at gaslighting, infliction of dysphoria, and discreditation usually involve lies, often a networked pattern of lies. I tend to find ways to make the lies obvious to others, without drawing the narc's attention, so the narc becomes self-discrediting.

[@DOGFOODACTUAL8541]

I'd like to share. My X of 20ish years of on and off, entire cycles of hoovering me back, sometimes after a couple years, just ended her life recently. When I reached out to ask if I could attend the remembrance, it was sobering to hear reluctance and that there are many like me. I wasn't told no. However, I wasn't assured the, "off course you can attend".... At that point, it all made sense again. I had a different vision of what I really was to her and also what she conveyed to others about me. It was as if a bunch of her close friends and family were looking around at each other saying, oh no.... he doesn't know.... I'll say my goodbyes in my own way. It's a blessing to have that knowledge now, so my other perceptions didn't follow me into my future.

[@Ashkoren]

That is horrifying

[@FREESTYLEKINGZTV]

@@Ashkorenvery

[@SirHenryMaximo]

I'm grateful for Lise Leblanc, a few other psychologists on the web, and of course my own therapist, for the guidance. As a man recovering from a relationship with a NPD, I see the framing of narcissistic abuse as something only women experience is very real. Professionals speaking for recovering men are few and far between, but so valuable.

[@guddocta]

Wow, thanks Lisa. I thought I was developing dementia (47y old) and thought there was something wrong with me as I have poor memory, constant brain fog and exhaustion. You described what I'm experiencing exactly.

[@pufopc8749]

Good summary. The number one thing to do, before you go to meet her crazier twin is to look at yourself. There is a reason you fall for all those things, maybe many reasons. The most important of them, in my case, was wishful thinking. And a bit of stupidity thinking I was special. Special was that guy who took the time to see her for who she was and decided to go home alone that evening.

[@franksimmons9242]

Yeah. There is alone, and there's lonely. Easy to confuse, but neither one is perfect. Not all of us have the same problem of being in these kinds of relationships anymore. We see it coming. Not lonely but alone.

[@stevejette2329]

@@franksimmons9242 I was NEVER so lonely as when I was married.

[@Ashkoren]

Haha nicely said

[@mitch28894]

I had no clue about this at all when I married a FCN. Since then. I've read and learned extensively about it. It was almost comical when we ran into each other and I had a completely different understanding of her manipulation tactics, even in that brief (well, hours as we caught up, which was very healing for me since I understood things differently) exchange. Great job Lise! Thanks for all the right work you do for a group of guys that isn't often acknowledged as having a struggle to deal with.

[@wesleyscott5637]

Holy s***, it's like you wrote the manual for her. She checked every one of those boxes.

[@Smittay-Sr.]

It come down to darn if you do, and darn if you don't.

[@astrotrain3332]

You are saving lives with your videos. Thank you.

[@covidoff]

My ex did all those things and even though I had no clue about Narcissistic behavioral patterns, I knew something wasn't right with her. She would keep moving the goal post everytime I'd try do the right thing and so I began questioning her every word and action trying to make sense of her behavior, slowly drawing away my trust and my resources. Eventually I put 1 and 2 together and came across personality disorders and it blew my world, it was like Neo waking up from the matrix. The entire relationship I was in was explained by a random person on KZbin, I was so shocked that I couldn't wait another minute being in our shared apartment with her. I felt duped, conned, betrayed as the girl I knew and loved never truly existed, it was all her mirroring me and me projecting the rest, an immaculate illusion in which I participated in my own betrayal without even being conscious of it 😂 what a mess... Dating and relationships should be taught in school from grade 1 through 12 as a core subject, it's literally one of the most important if not the most important aspects of our existence yet we are all running blind with scissors...

[@derekazyan9942]

I’m severely trauma bonded. My ex gf dumped me 2 months ago. seemingly because I was trying to enforce boundaries, cause i sensed her starting to devalue me again. I think she’s was into someone else, so this gave her the excuse to dump me. I haven’t heard a peep from her in 45 days… I can barely work it takes over your mind almost completely. Most breakups in the past I wasn’t like this….

[@JesseBila]

It took me almost 50days to recover In my case i left her in november 4. Forget about it. It's way better aĺone in your aura than in that circumstance. With no appropriate treatment forget it...

[@Xenophanes198]

They literally hijack your mind. It's torture. The trauma bond is basically an addiction and we have to detox from them. Keep educating yourself while also doing things to occupy your thoughts the best you can. The intensity reduces in time but it's hell. Hang in there. And refrain from the temptation to respond to any hoover attempts if she does reach out. While that may seem to provide temporary relief, it only elongates the trauma bond. Good luck. You got this 👊

[@wiltrvl4evr]

No rejection,,,,,,,,just redirection,,,,,,,stay the course bro💪🙏

[@maragirl1658]

Thank you for not romanticizing their behavior. Some people (yes even mental health professionals) believe they didn’t choose to be this way. Even if true it doesn’t change the damage they inflict to your heart and mind.

[@lorishu48103]

Best description ever

[@gregthompson-y9f]

have really learned so much ..... thx so much ... your service to people is inspiring ... just saying .. peace Lise

[@Samantha-bq8bo]

My son is in this right now .. he can’t see it .. idk when he will.. he even stopped talking to me which he never ever would .. the mind manipulation is unbelievable- this is how I know my initial gut feeling was right.. My heart is broken. He thinks my warnings are unsupportive. I also studied narcissism after being with one - it all makes sense looking back. I hope she makes mistakes and he notices. I think all parents should teach their kids about this. I honestly think female narcissists are worse because they are better at manipulating and often covert. Male narcissists are more obvious. I really feel for men that have gone through this because men aren’t as intuitive so it takes them longer to see it.

[@TravelGirl-b6b]

My son met the same kind of woman. I knew nothing about covert narcissism until I started looking for answers and ran across Lise's videos. She described my son to a T with her PHIL acronym. We are 4 years in and I have not seen or heard from since the night before his wedding. He cut off all of our family and his friends, he moved next to her family. She has isolate him from his support all the while playing the victim and he got to be her knight. I never knew what we were up against until it was too late.

[@Samantha-bq8bo]

@@TravelGirl-b6bz I feel so bad for you .. I can’t imagine 4 years .. I’m 2 months blocked and my heart is broken.. my gut feeling when she came in the picture was like sirens in my heart - I felt I was going to lose my son .. now it seems real . These rules are impossible to follow .. pretend you like the person that is ruining your sons mind and character . I was a young single Mom , my son’s Dad died , he was my first love. This is my only child . I wake up thinking this is a bad dream . I cry everyday. It makes no sense how my sons heart isn’t tugging him to break this insanity. I raised him with strong moral character. At 4 years it must feel like he died to you.. because I feel this now .. ( 7 month relationship for my son) As you say this video describes it to a T. We know what we would like to happen to the narcissist- how do you push down your motherly instinct. I think I will get tired of the pain which is exhausting and just surrender it to the universe . I’m not sure what to do .. nothing has worked .. these videos calm my nervous system because you doubt yourself even though it’s obvious and just evil .

[@passerby6168]

@@Samantha-bq8bo Sam, men can be just as intuitive. They are also way more forgiving and hopeful. They are willing to suffer more. A woman is more pragmatic in that sense.

[@wavesbnice1]

Men are more intuitive then women. And women are more susceptible to being attracted to narcissism. That's y women only want the top tier guys and are often attracted to the same guy. Narcissism at its core is emotional manipulation. And women are emotional. A real man is able to compartmentalize their emotions, but that takes time and experience and a lot of failure and hard lessons. Men out there with a scarcity mindset and childlike mentality are usually susceptible to a female narcissist. That is where the advantage lies with them.

[@richardhahn7618]

I think we are intuitive but we are not thought to listen to that feeling. For me it was wishful thinking. I didn’t listen to that gut feeling. As men we are taught to think it through instead of trusting the feeling. And of course being love bombed in the beginning is like kriptonite

[@lilliansteivang2302]

This is just like hearing about my husband! So this goes both ways seriously!!

[@BarkingForBroccoliBG]

The way that I came to understand it is in lovebobming phase she gets you addicted to a "drug" thst she gives to you I abundance to get you "hooked" then when it flips one day you are taken by such a confusion . I remember the very first time she turned a 180 and I was confused and I recall her saying in a way like she had done this all before she said "you are panicking now because you think you are losing me etc etc" it was so cold and calculated hdr words and was like on the equalizer" movie when Denzel Washibgton character had stabbed the Russian gang leader thrn is calm explaining to him how he is losing blood at a certain rate and in 30 seconds blah blah will happen thfn . I remember thinking like damn she sounds like a playbook or script thst she already has memorized or something when I wascjust a doofus "in love" with a mirage

[@kestrya]

Thank you Lisa, this will be extremely helpful for my patients, to further aid them in breaking free 💪☯️🍹🖖

[@jamedchamakese-netmaker8890]

That last part made me cry

[@pavanatanaya]

In my case, my health started to decline. Prior to the slow drip of abuse, I had been generally healthy. It took a while to regain stable good health since

[@johnhamilton4677]

My wife fits the description of a female covert narcissist to a T!!!! We've been together for 12 years now and I noticed these symptoms--although I didn't know that her behavior had a name--over the years. On Mother's Day of 2022 she had her fourth stroke, after having had brain surgery relative to an aneurysm, and my life has been hell ever since. The last stroke affected the Frontal Lobe of her brain and that seemed to really exacerbate her narcissistic behavior. I knew nothing of where the damage was or the behavior changes that it could cause, and just thought that she was being meaner and nastier than usual. So, I had determined that I wasn't going to play her game anymore and she up and left to go live with her daughter--exactly what I should have expected from someone who has this personality disorder. Now I am torn between trying to honor my vows regarding "better or worse" or cutting and running while the getting is good. Before the last stroke, she could be really sweet and caring, but now not so much--and, of course, everything is my fault. As a matter of fact, she has always said that she can't be nice to me unless I'm nice first or her actions depend solely on how I treat her--and she doesn't see a problem with that at all!!!! Anyway, at 50 years of age she is perfectly happy to be considered disabled, with absolutely no responsibility or wish to be active and normal. She has been very lucky in that the strokes have not impaired her worse than they could have. Well, I've vented enough, but I really do appreciate your videos, I have learned a lot from them.

[@nyptblueone7734]

Sorry for your pain.

[@johnhamilton4677]

@nyptblueone7734 Thank you, brother! I'm actually living with less stress, but I do worry about what she may become. Her daughter isn't going to put up with her forever and she's gonna end up in some assisted living facility--alone or with some loser.

[@Lazyjackx]

I'm loosing myself to my ex. She is destroying my hope of humanity.

[@Z.H.72]

I was in 3 difficult relationship with women with Problem and I ended almost sick. I am single now and certainly I feel so much better and peaceful now. I dedicated this 5 yesrs alone to explore myself extreme deeply, my own psyche and to know myself as I am. As I learned we the most use mask and to think we are real is a lie an illusions because from a fragmented psyche in disorder, even if one think one is controlled by the will of Thoughts (it's the same disorder) then is to see from a perspective of fragmentation. It means the Counciousness is the base where we act and that base is a disorder, that's clear and you can see it clearly at the moment when you think one thing and say another. Or the constant "mental cinema " running all the time. One can deceive oneself believing one is sane, but unless one have not see oneself deeply and know one self then we live in a self deception. One can see oneself in relationship with all (father, friends, animals, boss, etc.) How one reacts, the behaviour according the circunstances without judgement, just observe. That capacity to observe without judgement (being the judge the same as Thoughts = Ego) is almost lost. And that's very important to get again.

[@davidwarburton1453]

2 1/2 years out and while I’m fine in most ways, she still pops up in my head daily. Over the holidays I was still alone and was actually hoping she’d make contact. 2 1/2 years out. The toxic relationship was only 14 months. Jeez. And, I stayed single after and underwent serious childhood trauma therapy as well, as Lise always recommends. I’m pretty sure if I would have found another relationship by now I wouldn’t even give a crap about the narcissistic ex-fiancée. But, I’ve chosen to fully heal on my own all the way back to childhood, so yay me I guess. I can say I don’t even care of I date or not so I know I’ve healed tremendously. But - she still pops up in my head almost daily, that’s how strong trauma bonds can be. Thank you Lise your channel helped me immeasurably. I rarely need a new narc video as a reminder, but still come back here when there’s a new vid just to see how accurate Lise always is! 🎉

[@azsuehayes]

A vulnerable narcissistic man can also drive a loving empathic women to check out of a relationship. It's complicated for sure. Thank you

[@trinab7762]

As adults, we know how terrible this is. Imagine how a child feels???

[@chuckwagner76]

My friend is married to a nightmare covert narc , ive put up with her for him for over 20 years , her familiarity with me finally came to a head when she blew up into a boiling rage and screamed the house down at me in frontbof her children and the neighbours children and my buddy , he stood there and said nothing , i havent seen him since last march , ill never visit him ever again , what a pathetic sucker he is

[@zxsavagexz4502]

@@chuckwagner76 you do realise that's her way of separating him from any outside support network and you habe just fed him to the wolves right? I don't disagree with your stance as long as you understand that you are sacrificing your friend for your own peace instead of sticking by him and trying to get him out of it. Of course until he breaks he probably wouldn't listen to you anyway. Good luck to both of you. I hope you can still be there if and when he needs someone to scrape him off the floor.

[@musyclover]

He fed himself

[@chuckwagner76]

@zxsavagexz4502 I've tried for over 20 years , I told him to leave her when he was 19 , she's the most abusive , manipulative , chronically miserable women ever , he's totally co dependent and thinks it's normal , I lost all self respect going to visit him I've had enough , I'm not married to her , he is

[@OrangeBroccoli-r5r]

I don't disagree with you, but would like to expand on your points in so far as to say, hopefully the OP setting a boundary about their friends partners behaviour, and the cost of tolerating it on their other friendships, may serve as a point of reflection and growth. I got separated from many of my friendships and family, and when I prioritised mending and nurturing them over the relationship with the BPDN, the BPDN did the usual instadrop but the rest were so happy to have me back, and are happy that the old me is back to being the person they have always loved and wanted.

[@chuckwagner76]

@OrangeBroccoli-r5r I've more time behind me than I do in front of me , I'm not giving them a single second more , my time on earth is very precious I won't waste another day or second , you've no idea how toxic and miserable this woman is , stay happy stay single lol god bless

[@DwyaneWadeCounty]

I have bee dealing with this abuse from three women all my life, my mother, grandmother and sister. And now a fourth one, my "gf". When I ignored her calls and texts because she has been disrespecting me and my dead dog, apparently she got angry and smash her own iPhone... and then she says that I am the narcissist...

[@Nonexistanthuman]

Im sorry to hear that bro

[@DwyaneWadeCounty]

@Nonexistanthuman hopefully something positive can come this.

[@edheldude]

You gotta forgive your mother and heal yourself of your codependent narcissism.

[@DwyaneWadeCounty]

@edheldude I don't think that Eminem or Quinton Tarantino ever forgave their mothers.

[@jfalc394]

I also just got blamed for someone smashing their phone. wasn’t even present.

[@H.R.6688]

One major hurtle with men dealing with this, is her female friends that see themselves as their friends relationships managers, and no matter how much you physically prove to them she is like this, tgey still take her side and you as tge man, are the enemy.

[@whatdidujustsay2094]

This is scary and sad at the same time.

[@wocapko]

So nicely, clearly and precisely described! 🔥👊

[@jacksavage279]

Thank you very much for your content and invaluable information. This video will save a man's life one day. If hasn't done that already.

[@yoshizimmerman3950]

It's scary how accurate this is to how I am feeling about my last relationship. I still don't want to believe it. I don't think it was intentional.

[@nyptblueone7734]

It’s not intentional, it’s just how they’re wired.

[@a-gthibault8329]

Alternative reality ​@@nyptblueone7734

[@jcows77]

Thanks!

[@firsttbone]

This video is my old relationship to a T! She had covert narcissist playbook and ran it step by step!

[@michaellogan7507]

Thank you, Lise.

[@AlexB_yolo]

Thanks Lisa! This is one of your best videos!

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you for your positive feedback!

[@chidanandgaddi8482]

Love you for the information..

[@stevejette2329]

I sure could have used this information in 1983 - 1991. I divorced the ex in 1991. Her FIFTH marriage just failed. I learned my lesson and never re-married.

[@a.figueiraroxa9859]

When i meet her she said 1000 times "am afraid of commitment " for a whole year in every sentence she spoke there was the being afraid of commitment inside Then after 1 year she said out of the blue "am commitment to my ex boyfriend & said that she NEVER said that she was afraid of commitment Then i directly knew that i was dealing with a nutcase

[@morticiadeville1]

As a she who's dealing with a male narcissist. He turned away from me sexually early on them become a drug addict

[@ma3alimezo82]

Watch out for those ambiguous court orders. She will reread and twist those orders and history. Trust yourself

[@gohantanaka]

She has frequently accused me of having an affair with a colleague, yet over the last 18 months, she still demands intimacy.

[@racerx2348]

shes projecting, ANYTHING they accuse you of they are currently doing...

[@ai_hime1707]

My cognitive dissonance was so extreme I prefered to fall into the illusion it was just anxious-avoidant dynamic going on to excuse the abuse. The difference is that its intentionally done out of malice for narcissists. If ONLY my mother wasn't all the same, so isolating from them is actually helpful

[@pearpo]

Excellent video. Thank you.

[@omerlikos2549]

She/ He blames you for every possibility of action. You dont. That makes them feel more capable as a human. You have to start noticing that. Dont feel sorry for anything before getting valid proof for it. if he or she doesnt talk about it by sharing his or her feeling with you about the mistake youve done, they have no point. It all logic. No one is inferior in evaluating something for being effective or destructive in life. Its your life. And if you interfere with other lifes with your being and action ask yourself the same question: do i harm anyone, do i harm anyone really! have a nice and innocent day 😊

[@atomisum6445]

Good advice. Never say sorry for something you didn't do

[@freemandavy9868]

Your material is so helpful in helping a person reclaim their identity and independence . Wish I'd found this a year ago Thank you

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you for your kind words!

[@Dividendking2023]

Oh mam it’s ruff going through this crap day to day, i unfortunately have 4 children with her… 😢

[@edheldude]

Don't. Leave, and take the kids.

[@8888-9]

I identified with my mother more than with anyone. I was an only child. Decades of pain I could not understand . I had to realise how deeply I took on, her behaviours. My good fortune lay in The God of Israel, reaching out to me, at that young age . Though I forgot Him. HE did not forget me. HE is the Healthy alternative. I was conditional with my daughter. Over Time HE taught me, what consistent genuine Love, is. Bad character will corrupt good character. But God transforms when we are on The Path to meet Him.

[@passerby6168]

I see Lise. I like. You are doing God's work.

[@TDKMist]

Currently live with my ex until the lease is over. This video pointed out a lot of behavioral patterns I could put my finger on untill now

[@megaace361]

Thanks Dr, really appreciate this

[@Karmaisreal2024]

I need some advice……. I was in a on off relationship with a woman I firmly believe is a covert narc. She’s a few years older,professional,no children. 6/7 months ago she told both my sisters she had terminal cancer when I was on the verge of breaking up with her. Turned up at my gym acting unhinged. I luckily thought it was wise to record this without her knowing. Came out the gym she’s in her car,being hostile. I then decide to go to the local police station and tell the officer look im getting this off this woman I was then arrested for alleged assault?….. was released no further action. Stupidly got back with her. In the last month her behaviour seems pretty much transparent etc so I ended it. She then turned up my address i recorded you can hear me saying why are you blackmailing me please leave me alone and my address etc? She went off ranting few hours later arrested. She alleged i strangled her stalked and bitten her. The alleged bite mark looked like a razor cut currently on bail. Hacked my social media,messaged women etc. stupidly got in contact over Xmas after seeing her statuses aimed at me. Cut a long story short she got me arrested for breach of bail. The stalking charge already been dropped. She lives 0.3miles away. I have not much fight left in me. She’s very calculating and persistent. I do not love her but feel attached to her. This has gone on 21 months.

[@stevesither7270]

Thanks ..you hit her perfectly...Never admitting anything....never! Had me fooled ...when she couldn't control me...she discarded. Good riddance...though I cared ( about the early version...lol...)

[@rayo1883]

This is the most precise description of my experience. We always thought she was BPD. Are the traits in this video conclusively covert narcissism or can it also describe BPD?

[@LeoLeclerc-1985]

Yes i was married to a wife with BPD "covert narsist"

[@m.nielsen9050]

That was 10 for 10 on my ex-wife. Were you following me for nearly 25 years? I didn't fully realize what a difference a good spouse meant to my overall happiness till I remarried.

[@Sleepyracoon58]

Thank you for this.

[@abhilash7381]

Thanks Lis, could you also do a video on how to manage a excessive narcissist spouse

[@cbillon]

Oh Lisa I am still lost in horrible rumination and cognitive dissonance amidst the echoing silence of the discard where it’s only me talking to a fantasy funny mirror. I’d do anything to scrub the memories from my brain. Thanks for being a voice and a reminder I’m not crazy. Or if I am I wasn’t in this case lol trying to find humor and playfulness and sexiness again is very difficult. Idk how I can have sex again after the bombing she did to me and subsequent verbal physical and psychological emotional abuse. Then one day poof gone forever, leaving all her belongings and family heirlooms and is now pregnant with someone else . Sigh

[@aquavoroffshore7951]

Your the luckiest man alive my friend. Feel worse for the poor slob who knocked her up. Count your blessings. You are free.

[@bcreed9348]

33 years later and I still don't pick up after myself in a way she approves of. Or I don't clean up after dinner appropriately. Its never good enough-and it never will be.

[@healing2gether]

Great video, very valuable insight. Something I’ve always wondered does the female narcissist know that this is how they are treating you? Are they aware of it, like is it intentional treatment?

[@musyclover]

Don’t try to fix her. I was in a relationship with a Narc and when I ended the relationship she said “I thought we’d be together for ever “ No Thanks

[@fahimshahriyar2494]

Yeah She's right at the beginning, I'm not bragging but I've been extremely calculated & practical but after involving with a cov. narc for 2years I've seen a damaged me Which no one can even imagine. Her tactical manipulation made a strong man like me weak & I never Thought in my wildest dream that I wud surrender to a girl with a pathetic way cz the way she was making things, spend money on me, always respectful acting Which made me Thought she may have same faults but all good qualities she posses are hard to find & this made me stuck more. Constant lying, breaking all the promises,rejecting all feelings twice & returning again,push pull, promising of marriage and then running again giving weird reasons like AVOIDANT. Now I'm moving on & trying to bounce back , sometimes I get dizzy & physically weak for what she did, please pray for me brothers & sisters so that I get Justice From Almighty

[@fahimshahriyar2494]

Used to act like leaving me & when I used to get balnaced she again came like nothing happened which made me almost lose sanity

[@Tulsaistalking]

Yeah, this is great and all, but lack of self awareness is a problem on both sides.. My experience with females who seem to be bpd types.. definitely have some of these characteristics..

[@carlosvera2807]

Have you heard of radiant empathy? I am sure is not for everyone. But it is definitely a different way to deal with people with personality disorders. I found it refreshing. Rather than feeling constantly victimized. Thoughts?

[@Mattheus217]

You have to identify a problem before you can fix it. You can start out as a victim, but the key is to not STAY a victim. You take action to change things. There is a time to analyse how this type of toxic person harms you and others, then you learn about you, what you can do differently, and work out of the situation. Typically your empathy is abused and manipulated by them, since they don't have actual empathy. When you are in danger, in survival or trauma response, you have to get some safety / emergency help first. It is hard to do higher-level thinking or platitudes. You can have empathy or sadness that they are this way, a hard childhood or whatever, but the fact remains that they are draining and harming you, no sugar coating, this can't continue if you are to have a healthy life and self. If you have not lived with a woman like this, for a significant time, there is no way to grasp the stress ,pain, discouragement, drain, etc. from it. It is real, and it is bad.

[@carlosvera2807]

@Mattheus217 thank you for your reply. I understand how difficult this can be. I am not advocating for everyone to practice radiant empathy, however, when you put yourself in that position, you are above all those attempts to control you emotionally and psychologically. Not saying that the other person will change but there might be a way to have a "relationship" with someone with lots of trauma behavior in them.

[@neilcooper287]

I find that it roughly takes about 6 months on average to get figured out. Usually things start to change after about the 3rd month. That’s usually when the supply starts noticing that the fantasy world the narcissist built up doesn’t seem so prestine anymore. This is one of the reasons that narcissists jump from partner to partner so often. They need a constant supply because at some point they get figured out and lose that one. They need to make sure they always have people around to pet their ego and feed their cravings. The narcissist always wants to be the one doing the breaking up. They don’t like to be left by their partner. Therefore, they will often try to beat you to the punch and move on to the next person long before you even have the chance to leave. I know I did. If I even suspected any type of emotional distancing from my partner, I would begin getting ready for the next person. A narcissist is a master of manipulation mainly because they are masters of understanding human behavior. Narcissists may not be good at expressing emotion but what they are good at is understanding other people’s thoughts and emotions. They play on others’ emotions therefore, their understanding of it is profound. They may not understand why you feel a certain way (such as mad at them, hurt by them, etc). However, they do understand that you will feel a certain way because often they understand certain traits about you better than you understand yourself. For instance, they know that if they hurt you, you will forgive them like you always do They know that getting your best friend to vouch for them is a good way to win back your trust, etc. They know exactly what buttons to push and when to push them because they know what your reaction will generally be. Therefore, if you are acting differently than you normally would, they will notice. If they sense any kind of distancing, they will leave fast before you are able to hurt them. They will try to regain ground by trying to win back your loyalty only to rub in your face that their next partner is better and makes them happier. It’s all a mind game they are playing. They must win at all costs. If you ever have an advantage in that mind game, expect them to try to close that door fast. Additionally, If you need to uncover the truth about a cheating narcissist, send your request to *[e-mail]* for discreet and effective assistance.

[@kryssis69]

I think your narcissism is having another fantasy moment. Narcissists are incredibly easy to spot. They are so immature and childish and their manipulations so unsophisticated it is laughable. Their perceptions are do delusional that they totally misinterpret their victims emotions constantly. The only people that will fall for their primitive manipulations are broken co-dependents with childhood trauma. A narcissist is so childish and rigid that they can’t even be accountable or apologize even though they know it gives them away every single time 😂. Your shame core that you absolutely cannot control gives you away every time… but keep thinking you are a mastermind 😂.

[@BarkingForBroccoliBG]

I've been divorced a year now and I still think WTF was thst sh@$t

[@GregNice718]

11:50 Wow 🤯🤯🤯🤯

[@walterwhiteboy4257]

I feel like at this point I’d be this close to going back with her if she game me the opportunity because I miss her so much but I know she’s toxic but I miss her.

[@FaithfulandTrue777]

He is doing this to me im crushed

[@edheldude]

Leave. You are choosing this for yourself.

[@racerx2348]

my gf had all these hallmarks. do they know what they are doing?

[@a.figueiraroxa9859]

I've asked more then once Am i allowed to be happy?

[@Nonexistanthuman]

Yes you are allowed to be happy

[@a.figueiraroxa9859]

She never answered my question Only came with more drama

[@edheldude]

Yes by leaving.