100k: My Experience As An Anxious Autistic Creator

[@BluVapour]

As someone who's also autistic and is getting into content creation, this video means the world to me.

[@emeravods]

Same but I’ve even struggled to commit to it, it seems so overwhelming. Have not watched it yet but I am now

[@justaadhdgamerwesley6244]

Same brother!

[@merastring]

​@@emeravods you seem familiar... Hmmm...

[@TB_Corey]

Same, i always have a hard time trying to communicating with others since i’m not that good at socializing

[@MocoBroJosh]

This is absolutely a short comment that also fits me as well, I’m glad you was able to take the words out of my mouth

[@davidmason9720]

My son is autistic and also suffers from anxiety and depression. He was moved by your content and brought me to this video to listen. Keep doing what your doing. The internet is full of trolls that enjoy hurting people, but don't let them stop you from reaching those that are inspired by you.

[@ProCharaVodDump]

Im glad he enjoys it, thank you for the positive words

[@young_G_glitch]

im autistic

[@BlackHoleQueen]

same..

[@awhxsaturnz]

your married? aren't you like.. 5 years old?

[@awhxsaturnz]

but im not autistic

[@adpheexd4763]

I did not know people dislike Chara's voice. His voice is like amongst top three things I love about his content.

[@calyx8808]

Yeah yeah yeah, same.

[@kodakthewaffle]

Bro me too

[@13_cmi]

I don’t like his voice but the autism explains a lot about the way he talks. The stating the obvious while he’s playing splatoon always drove me crazy. I do that exact same thing so I have no clue why it annoys me so much. And I’ve come to dislike higher voices after listening to old recordings of my own voice. It’s not a prochara problem it’s really just a me problem.

[@torra9979]

‪Hey, Chara, I hope you know you’ve made a very safe space for other autistics in this community. Your content being so easy to process, and it being so accessible, means the world to a lot of autistic splatoon players (or in general those who are neurodivergent). Thank you‬ Also, congrats on 100K! It is heavily deserved

[@pixal1250]

50th like :)

[@curechihiro]

agreed!!

[@_sykick]

Well said man

[@Klotzy4433]

Splatoon beeing so chaotic and Flashy is just perfect for adhd, autism etc.

[@Umbreon_932]

Omg yes thank you

[@EldritchErik94]

I am autistic as well, so it’s amazing to see someone with autism succeed and get a huge following.

[@novinovi-]

As another autistic person this filled me with so much joy.

[@alexisroux2448]

me too

[@BlackHoleQueen]

me too!!

[@torchybeacon245]

Same here

[@kipsiiy]

i don't have autism but i do have severe anxiety disorder and i just wanted to tell you you're doing great. it's really inspiring of you to have worked past so much mentally and be where you're at in content creation and the competitive community. /gen

[@RavensSoTired]

Agree. I have anxiety also except I count and add things

[@Vicvillon]

As an anxiety haver, I’d love to not get stuck in random cycles of apologizing. sometimes I feel like I have to check in, make sure I’m doing things right, or even just apologize to people when I’m doing my job of moderating my own chat, lol. And then once I’ve apologized a couple times it’s easy to wonder if I’ve disturbed the flow of chat or been annoying which is definitely NOT the case but brain says it might be so ooooOoOOo Streaming a lot is 99% of the time GREAT for the mental. It fills my need for an extroverted output of my energy and excitement for my silly, hyper ping-pong-ball brain!! But the lil brain voice is always something that I gotta combat in case I’m being “too annoying” or not giving the people what my head thinks is necessary to make the stream “good”. I absolutely agree that exposure to the things that cause you issue is one of the best ways to get better. There’s never been an event that I’ve been excited for that I’ve also thought, on the days coming up to the event, oh man. maybe I shouldn’t go. but those thoughts feel so silly when I go and have a wonderful time and make good memories. Ideally going over and over helps your brain realize the anxiety isn’t needed at all (easier said than done of course!!) Yt has been great for helping a lot of people learn how to cope and grow with themselves, and I hope even as you grow that continues to be the case, nightmare situation it may be at times as you said!! Thank you for being so open. I’m sure other people will feel at ease knowing they are seen. You’ve done a great job for the community these last few years :)

[@SpookiBabi]

Yeah I've noticed in some of your streams I've caught the occasional person being inappropriate/weird and the discomfort it's given you but you apologizing at the same time for confronting the person being a source of discomfort. As someone who has GAD I can see it a mile away and it made me so sad to see you in that uncomfortable position.

[@an-ei]

Oh God, I sympathize with this SO much, especially the "apology cycles." I get caught in those super often and end up feeling even worse after apologizing.

[@elijahdevin6183]

this relates to me a lot and I like when people open up to make Shure i am not alone

[@Nat20_]

I get in these apology cycles too. I always feel like, somehow, everything is at least partially my fault

[@ProCharaVodDump]

Thanks for the kind words Vic

[@CJ_Hyperfresh]

I've mentioned this before, but I'm also autistic and really appreciate you opening up about this kind of thing. It's nice know that there are other people out there like me, and that being a sucessful content creator is not this far-fetched dream that I have. People experience autism in many different ways, neurodivergency is like that, but it's nice to know you're not alone. Congratulations on hitting 100k, that's such an amazing accomplishment, and we're all rooting for you to continue to grow and do what you love!

[@ProCharaVodDump]

thank you so much

[@MaybeNotARobot]

Finding out that a competitive player who I look up to is autistic and has anxiety like I do... it means a lot to me. A _whole_ lot. I feel so seen by this video, and it's given me encouragement as a player to try and pick up the game again. If someone who struggles with the same issues as I do can become a top player, I can get good at the game too!

[@calyx8808]

Yeah, same.

[@strawberry-squid6511]

as an autistic person with anxiety, seeing a creator i admire talk about autism so openly really means a lot to me. it's kinda rare to see people talk about autism online, so it's really wonderful to hear someone else's experiences with it. tysm for posting this, it reminds me that i'm not alone :,)

[@Vyloka]

Its alil funny since the entire splatoon community is wearing the autistic badge so often that its an inside joke. Especially in the salmon run community. Even all the plaza posts are 50/50 Im gay and or autistic. Like this game attracts the most hyperfocusing individuals who wanna be engaged deeply with something

[@dan_da_man7928]

Hello Chara, if you don’t mind I would like to write a few words about you. 1) Something I appreciate about your content is that it is a perfect combination of laughter, seriousness, respect, and appreciation. Your videos have a unique feel that makes you stand out, and I hope that you can continue to grow and enjoy your content throughout the coming years. 2) Your videos have been a massive inspiration for me. I started watching your content just before the Ukrainian war in 2021. Having heritage from there, it was a very sad period of my life, and it was so serious that my parents had to put down many suicidal thoughts. Your videos have helped me realize the value of life, and how anything is possible. My biggest motivational quote came from one of your scrims. (Excuse me if I stated it incorrectly) “I’m a college student, have a job, and additionally play competitive splatoon. It’s all about time management.” Without watching your channel, I’m not sure where I would have been right now. 3) while malicious people have existed, will exist, and will continue to exist on the internet, just know that many in this community will continue to support you, and only want the best for their leader. I apologize for any harsh comments I may have published during your streams, videos, etc. I am quite new to this social networking community, and I do hope that you and everyone who reads this comment have a blessed day, and go on to live a successful life. Thank you, for everything ❤

[@misshontz7538]

Nice to see you sorry for the things you've been going through stay cheerful ;D

[@ProCharaVodDump]

Thanks for the kind words and im sorry to hear about your situation, I hope things get better for you and your family.

[@ohadyogev8168]

Thank you Chara for providing entertainment to 100k people! ♥

[@toastman6420]

As someone who also has autism this means a lot to me. I’ve been playing splatoon for five years and I’ve been trying to get into content creation for a while, but my anxiety has always pushed me away and I end up not doing anything. This video has encouraged me to finally start trying. Thank you for everything you do to this community Chara!

[@cooperelt1299]

I don’t understand how people could not like this man’s voice, I swear watching this mans videos are so easy to listen, there’s just something about his voice that’s makes you pay attention and stay interested. W Chara

[@RavensSoTired]

Agree, he sounds great.

[@DapperPenguim9172]

Congratulations for 100K!!! I’m autistic myself and understand what you’re going through. No idea people made fun of your voice and look is just cruel. To me, your voice is very calm and easy to understand, whenever you explain things it’s always easy to follow. Like tons of people have said already, don’t let the negativity get you down, it’s not worth it when there is so much more positivity aimed your way.

[@bigflx2754]

Chara, everyone hates their own voice, you’re not alone. I personally love your voice and your content, hope you can improve on your anxiety when it comes to making videos, you’re doing great

[@The_Gamer1567]

I agree

[@alsolii]

the bit about him hating his voice made me chuckle as a trans man lol

[@calyx8808]

same

[@sabestyslays]

This is so real. I hate my voice, I’m a girl yet I have a deeper voice than normal and as a captain it can get tough trying to confront other teams without them laughing at my voice…

[@Flow-Fi-]

I’ve never thought of his voice as unpleasant or nice, to me it just *is*. I’ve never thought about rating it or anything, but it definitely is one that stands out a lot to me (in a good way, the kind you can instantly identify who the speaker is when you hear it)

[@only8035]

This is better than a montage, You have really grown a community that you can be comfortable around and that's amazing. Keep up the great work Chara.

[@goodtimesupreme]

I think it's pretty badass that you're constantly growing and finding ways to improve how your communication comes across. Frankly you don't deserve even a fraction of the negative feedback or rude comments you've received, it just seems to be guaranteed on the internet if youre in any way a publicly known figure. You are a great player, youtuber and streamer and I hope things have been moving more smoothly for you. I appreciate that you never apologize for who you are, you just keep striving to be better and find ways to move past your difficulties that come along with a larger following. Some of the issues that come with autism (social anxiety/missed social cues, loudness and tone of your speech, etc) aren't your fault and these are things that I commend you for working on. Keep it up Chara, you are great and I hope you keep doing what's best for you!

[@akshatambekar1076]

I can’t know what this is possibly like but I just wanted to let you know that I’ve never had a problem with your voice or with you, and even when you sound harsh it’s still funny so I never noticed any of this until you’ve pointed it out. Your doing great!

[@nddennis1]

Agreed, I enjoy the tone of Chara's videos

[@joshuagabrielcatindig7607]

Have also seen how he looks irl, he's average at least. Looks even like his s3 octo.

[@katyschubert6736]

i agree

[@RA_0645]

Congratulations! I also have autism and anxiety, and I also like playing Splatoon.

[@dd0669]

Relatable

[@mystic5175]

Same

[@hannnieeeehae]

same

[@pufrmel]

Same

[@SPACEBRAlN]

just like me fr

[@JoltikEnjoyer]

i really resonated with that “quiet guy in the corner”. I feel the same way, and it’s nice to know that someone like me is doing all this cool shit! Like this gives me some hope chara. Hope ur day is amazing!

[@gimme_eliter4k720]

Anyone else find charas voice really relaxing

[@gurdemandboi3002]

If you feel anxious/mentally worse with a bigger channel, please take a break if you feel like it, your mental health takes priority. Love your content and streams : )

[@suudsuu]

Lot of people showing a lot of love, but I think this perspective needs a boost. We only want Chara to do what he needs to do, grateful for what we get but w/o any assumptions or demands.

[@reuben6483]

As someone who as Autism this video helps me so much, I'm in Middle School currently and I've been having A lot of anxiety. So thanks for making this video.

[@ultramelon723]

I never knew you had all these problems to overcome, and it makes me respect you so much more knowing all the struggles you’ve gone through just to entertain us

[@The_Gamer1567]

I agree

[@salt-e]

ditto!

[@Velocity_6410]

This is a bit of a off hand comment, but I was surprised when he said people dislike his voice, I always found his voice soothing, does anyone else think that or am I just really weird?

[@luna.lu.lils.]

omg me too!!

[@agentblackbird9435]

As someone who has autism and social anxiety, the part where you said “I didn’t know that what I did was wrong because I had no idea” really hit me, because I have had to correct so many things from not realizing I’m hurting someone, angering someone, etc

[@trashpandatwtch]

Chara, you have genuinely done so much for the splatoon community. If you ever need to take a break for any reason, you’ve earned it. Congrats on 100k, you’re an incredible person.

[@yusha5807]

This is pleasantly surprising and way more interesting than a montage could ever get. You talking about this shows your comfort and trust in your community, which is great to see. Keep producing great videos and streams! 🎉 Congratulations for 100K!

[@meggy1162]

As a fellow autistic competitive player, it makes me so happy to see another autistic person in the scene. I don't fully understand the struggles you deal with but knowing that you're out there and that you deal with struggles not unlike my own is inspiring. You've come incredibly far and you've done incredible things; your presence in this community is in itself incredible. You're one of the people who inspired me to play competitively and I hope that one day me and my team will be skilled enough to face you in a tournament. Nonetheless, your transparency is amazing and I wish you the best with your struggles

[@tintage7233]

At 3:48 I thought I was the only person who went through this, I thought I was going crazy because I kept on having those kind of nightmare scenarios but hearing someone else talk about really put me ease about having those thoughts

[@neliara7]

As a neurodivergent Splatoon player who suspects I have anxiety, I sympathise so so much with what you were saying, and I’m glad you're raising awareness about these sorts of things :) 💙

[@halleycat]

As someone with social anxiety - that concept of "you can only get better at it by going out and doing it even though it's scary and uncomfortable" is SO much harder than i think some people realize. I know i'm just another internet stranger, but massive kudos to you for continuing to push forward through those situations.

[@MegaGameXtreme]

I think it's really respectful that you're talking so openly about the struggles you've faced like this. I love your content, and I've found it inspiring and encouraging to enter the comp scene. No matter what any of your haters say, keep up the great work man. 👍

[@geet9830]

13:04 this part struck a chord with me. i have pretty bad anxiety and am neurodivergent (unsure if adhd or autism), along with other issues. finding out that the way i feel/experience a lot of things is not normal, and that i have no basis for what is "normal", was really disconcerting.

[@ImMadHD]

As someone with ADHD and trying to dab into the competitive scene, you really serve as an inspiration! Thank you for this and please keep going with the content! It's lovely!

[@misshontz7538]

I've never been diagnosed with ADHD but I have a lot of ADHD tendencies. Hope your day goes well ;D

[@ImMadHD]

@@misshontz7538 it's a very tough process to go under! But living your life with undiagnosed ADHD can even harder on the long run! I can't recommend enough doing it!

[@fragzz]

I also have anxiety around content creation and it makes me feel happy to know that I'm not alone with some of the things I feel. Social anxiety is also something major of mine so it's really comforting having someone like you in such a good position. you're a great content creator and have done great things for people. ily man

[@ElieDGames]

Loved this video Chara! Thank you for your vulnerability. Congratulations on all of your success. It is very much deserved! 💜

[@1nviz]

ik you!

[@kvn4745]

People who are brave are not fearless They are people who do the things they do despite fear Thank you for being someone brave enough to hold the mantle of being a major figurehead within this community, for being a role model for those who are also socially anxious and have autism For proving that people like us can make it despite the challenges we face Thank you Chara, for all that you’ve done

[@BlueyLouisTV]

Dude I am autistic too and I do struggle to find my desired path of content creation. Proud of you reaching 100K! Literally anything is possible after all! ❤

[@EclipseGamin_]

I'm not Autistic, but I have severe severe anxiety and depression, and I really want to try to get into content creation. You are my favorite KZbinr, so I look up to you.

[@antipyresis]

I'm autistic with really bad social anxiety as well, and honestly your place in the community with the following you have is something I've thought about quite a lot, and the things you talk about here are absolutely horrifying inevitable things. It makes me glad that you feel like you should and can be open to a bunch of strangers on the internet about these things and I know it means a lot to the rest of us to hear it. Relationships like this with growing audiences on the internet is something not even the most well-adjusted people can handle properly and its frightening and unequal but I am glad you have the passion to trudge through it anyway. It may get harder, but hopefully people listening and understanding and seeing you as human like this can help make some of that easier for you. I am sure it will be worth it!

[@apile0fb0nes36]

I got anxiety and adhd, and recently I've been wanting to get into the competitive scene. And this honestly means a lot to me. It's cool to see other people with similar things. You honestly are my favorite competitive player, and I personally don't have a problem with the tone of your voice.

[@matt2027]

Never been diagnosed with autism or anxiety disorder, but I can appreciate your experience with anxiety. When I was on the swim team in high school I went through a period where I would get so nervous I would throw up in the bathroom ahead of every race. Also, there's nothing wrong with the sound of your voice, or how you look. I hate that people would say those kinds of things about you

[@drydragonfruit]

As someone who's autistic and has gotten comments on my voice in the past (hasn't really bothered me) it's great that you've been able to overcome that and become a big influence in the splatoon community, congrats on 100k, you deserve it!

[@synthwavesun2450]

As an autistic person myself I can relate to this so much. In the end if you love doing content, by all means continue. You're one of the best Splatubers out there and a positive influence on a lot of people.

[@pompompiepie]

ive been feeling rlly insecure about my autism and anxiety due to others and this was so cool to see

[@AceTrainerNova]

I watched this a while ago but wrote it off as a video that wasn't directed to me. I came back and rewatched it and realized just how much anxiety I have. This video is so helpful to me because I was never able to voice my "problems" to other people, probably including therapists. Now that this video has taught me how, I'm going to try and get counselling for my anxiety. Thank you so much, this video helped me to change my life

[@HellaJordan]

I relate to this a lot. I'm autistic myself, and the way I got over the bulk of my social anxiety was working my first retail job. It was horrendous at first, but the more I interacted with people, the more I realized that, even if I fuck up a social situation, there's no huge negative consequence waiting for me beyond some awkwardness. I call this time of my life "beating the social anxiety out of myself" because that's really what it felt like. There was probably a kinder, gentler way I could have overcome, but hey, it worked. Also, I want to point out that there is value to the blunt, honest style of communication we autistic people have. It's not appropriate for every situation, but there are times where it's needed and we're often the first ones to actually deliver the harsh, but necessary to point out, reality of the situation. Not every autistic thing you do is something that needs to be corrected- I don't think that's what you were implying, I just wanna make sure you know that :) And I like your voice! I find it very soothing actually. It's wonderful, just like your content.

[@chimes93]

honestly this video was so real for me. im also autistic and have had extreme anxiety ever since i started school so this video really hits close to home. thank you so much for the amazing content and congratulations on 100k :D.

[@thatsnotroro]

Hey Chara! I'm just here to say that this video emotionally affected me. I don't have the words and enough vocabulary to explain why. Everyone has their own "problems" and this might help a lot of people to feel better and less alone than they could think. Even if their "problems" aren't exactly the same as others'. So thanks to open up yourself about this. Thanks for who you are. Thanks for your content. Maybe you're not thinking about it when you can feel anxiety but your content really helps some of us a lot to change our minds, to make our days better and to be part of the community that is the Splatoon's one. Just keep in mind that we love you the way you are. And maybe I'm not someone that count that much to you (since I'm just a random guy from the internet) but also keep in mind that I'm proud of you for everything you've had been going through to make it to there. And I really think I'm not the only one. I wish you great things and to get as far as you want in your life. Thanks again Chara. 🧡🦑🐙

[@sunobi_]

This video means is much to me. I’ve slowly gotten into competitive e-sports during my life and, also being an autistic person with severe anxiety, it takes so much effort and grit, so much more than any neurotypical person. I’m so glad that people like us are able to step up and show that even though we’re held back so much, people can still preserve. Thanks, Chara!

[@shenny255]

Hearing about your anxiety really means a lot to me. I'm in a similar situation I throw up frequently and had to drop out of school. Meeting people in the community has really helped me and I'm so thankful for the welcoming community you helped create. ❤

[@Finkley_]

I don’t have autism but I have ADHD and I can relate to some of this things. You have been doing great keep on goin man. I’m trying to be a competitive play and am decent at splatoon so watching you is awesome to learn how you play. Good job Chara

[@gionami7985]

as someone who has ocd that happens to have a lot of symptoms that overlap with autism and adhd symptoms, it's really nice to hear you talk about these things so openly. i don't think im at a place with myself that i want to openly put things like my voice on the internet (especially since i have pronunciation issues that mean i literally can't say certain words correctly), but id like to someday and it's cool to hear you talk honestly about your struggles, since a lot of your fears line up with thoughts ive had about it in the past, and it can be easy for some people (who often mean well) to just tell you that these things will never happen to you and to not worry even when you know your fears are very real. it's comforting to me to know that someone who has similar experiences to me can go through these things and still be (imo) a very successful content creator and still enjoy being on the internet and actively participating in a community even with the negatives.

[@glyncoakley9819]

Thank you for not just being open about your neurodivergence and struggles with it, but for making the huge and sustained effort to try and grapple with those struggles and grow. I'm close to someone who is very deeply involved with a lot of people who have developmental disabilities, and a major thing we run into is people and their caregivers who have just accepted where they're at skills and comfort-wise as beyond changing. It's such a huge deal to be able to show people, not just that their diagnoses are not impenetrable walls they can never move, but what that effort looks like and that someone like them really is capable of doing it. Even if they decide the result isn't worth the effort, it can make a huge difference in how they understand themselves and their lives for it to be a choice they have made to be content with where they are, rather than a box they or their caregivers have put them in. Take care of yourself. There's no right way to be a content creator, let alone a neurodivergent one. Take brakes when you need them, and learn one mistake at a time.

[@courier2353]

Congratulations on the milestone! Hope the rest of your journey is better.

[@Tashegranate]

I have autism and social anxiety and I've have been trying to be more a part of the Splatoon community but my lack of understanding of tone and general stress while playing with a team cause me to be hypercritical of myself. I create scenarios in my head that I'm holding back my team and it would be better if I left so someone else could replace me. No matter how realistic those thoughts are. Its just really nice to know that someone I have really been looking up to in the community has had similar problems and I now want to try harder to be a part of the community. TLDR: Thank you for this video it means the world to me /gen

[@LilithKitty]

I have ADHD and I struggle with social cues and anxiety on a daily. After I got a job I started opening up more and finding people who were like me in a way. Being able to interact with people who understand me and don't make me try to be "normal" makes me happy. Knowing people like me for me and I don't have to conform to how others want me to be.

[@Kit_splat]

I’m also very anxious, I’m getting into comp Splatoon soon. I’m happy you got 100K Chara :)) let’s get 200K by the end of the year.

[@starryfae]

it’s not something that goes away, but you do get better at handling it and knowing your abilities and your restrictions. you know how to control it and how it can affect you. as someone else who’s autistic, it’s definitely difficult and it’s nice to see someone talking about their experience. hope you’re doing okay!! i don’t have nearly as big of a following, but being slightly big on twitter i can get a bit of it, and it’s intense. it’s really cool to see you be open about this though :3

[@starryfae]

also congrats omg!

[@appreciatereciprocate5748]

Fae are cool

[@mex_playzswitchmex6615]

I have adhd but ngl idk if I’m autistic or not I also have issues with speech and stuff like that even to this day and I still struggle socializing and honestly if you need a break go for it because that would be helpful and gives you time to relax and enjoy the good part of life.

[@NeverEverWatchThis]

As a victim of anxiety and OCD, I cannot live with myself during anything. I always wonder, “But what if it isn’t good enough?” It is such a horrible combination. I actually once had a horrible accident involving threatening because of my OCD. And in school, don’t even get started on my social status with these rich brats barely getting passing grades and paying off teachers. You are not alone. There is someone in the world who likes what you like. Someone who has the same struggles as you. KZbin is an amazing platform for expressing yourself. If you have one loyal fan, you could get so much support. Let alone 100k subscribers which more than half of love you! Another thing is that some people don’t like hearing negative things, and thats not what this platform is really what they think it is. KZbin is where you can do what you like, and have other people like it. I love your content and think that your voice is really relaxing. I also think that your octoling should clothing would probably look very good on you. I hope you continue doing content and know that we love you!

[@Not.Kirbo31]

Dont sweat it man You have inspired me to start taking comp splatoon and content creation seriously I am very introverted and I'm the only person I know irl who plays splatoon so I haven't found my people yet I also have ADHD, anxiety, and a high voice despite my age but I'm still pushing myself to be like the people I admire, you being one of them chara. I cant believe how stressful it would be going to an event and trying to make a good first impression on pro players and the comp community I know this is an old video I am commenting on but I just wanted to show my support Keep on pushing Chara and a lot of people will continue to support you like fellow content creators, your editors and your fans ❤😊

[@an-ei]

I haven't been diagnosed, so I don't have a name for my issues, but the way you described your struggles and anxiety almost perfectly describes my issues. I haven't been doing so well in the competitive community, mostly due to my severe anxiety, but I've learned a bit about how to interact with others from watching you. I hope I can one day get to a level of management similar to you. So thank you, your content has helped me.

[@Mario-119]

I'm also autistic and was a former competitive e-sports player and I can relate with many things you've said in this video. Social connections IRL are hard enough, but having to communicate with my team members and the TOs (along with TOing myself on occasion) was pretty rough. There were a lot of social misunderstandings because I couldn't properly express myself. That, and I too have anxiety disorder and having to practice every day for months on end to compete and be on top really ate at me. It's comforting to know that there's other people out there that have gone (and are going through) the same experiences as I did, and it genuinely gives me hope for the future. Not sure if you're going to read this or not, but keep up the good work man. I'm rooting for ya 👌

[@dispenser05]

I’m so happy to hear more from you about this subject! Generally I don’t think autism is well understood, especially from a content creation standpoint. You articulated so many of the struggles of neurodivergence perfectly here. I truly look up to you, especially as an autistic person myself.

[@hannnieeeehae]

this makes me so sad to hear this because due to my autism and social anxiety, I am often called “ungrateful” or “disrespectful” or “mean” and “selfish” and that’s just something that hurts me alot and makes me cry alot, because I really try my best but I can’t try so hard because I would feel bad and start getting myself in horrid stuff like tearing paper, mumble, etc. I just feel so bad for you, you’re fine just the way you are. we are proud of you. 💖

[@BagelBTime]

8:36 faith in humanity has left the chat

[@Flow-Fi-]

The thing about being unpleasant to be around when you were younger resonates a ton with me. I started playing Splatoon 2 with some friends I met on KZbin during late 2020/2021 and at that time, I was younger and way less mature than I am now (I would not say I’m very mature now but when compared to younger me, absolutely), I did and said a lot of annoying and inappropriate things for attention (this even still happens now). Since KZbin doesn’t have as many options for easily communicating like a chatroom site, my behavior was… contained? I guess I’d say I wasn’t able to do as much with it. So, it stayed at a certain level. I was still downright insufferable though. One time, after I had uploaded several videos of traces I did of Genshin characters, I uploaded a video that was basically me putting myself up against my artist friend (she was and is still way better at art than me) with the caption of “Who’s the better artist, me or (friend name)?” I had expected many of my friends to say me, but most said they didn’t want to choose because they didn’t want to put their friends up against each other. And I’m so glad they didn’t choose, cause either way it would’ve been bad. I would’ve been either super shattered and depressed had they said her or my ego would’ve inflated even more than it already was. Anyways, that was just one example of me essentially being a bully on KZbin. It got even worse when I downloaded discord, which gave me much easier access to being able to put myself out there. Long story short, many, *many* (close friends and people I just met alike) people told me that I was disrespectful, did not know when to stop, couldn’t follow rules, was inappropriate (I made far too many s€xual jokes), etc. And they were right. My behavior was just downright rude and reckless, it was the reason why I got banned from several servers (including Chara’s 💀) and almost cut out from my friend group. At the time, I tried to hold onto the subconscious belief I had that I could do no wrong, or that any wrong I did was excusable. But later on, as I grew and just saw more things in general, I gradually began to get better and better with knowing when to stop, how to apologize without being sarcastic/insincere, and accepting that it’s very well possible for me to be a dick. All of these I still struggle with sometimes, but it’s getting better. I still slip up and end up saying something ridiculous, I still unintentionally go too far in a joke, I still find it hard to own up to my mistakes sometimes, but I believe I’m improving. This may seem unrelated too, but I have a pretty poor view of myself. It’s probably part of why I can be so critical of myself in the present and past. I need to recognize that younger me was just being a dumb immature kid who, at the core, just wanted to be funny and get attention (not excusing what I did, but I wasn’t a full grown adult doing it yk), cause I’ll hate on him a bit too much sometimes when reminiscing with friends 😭 TLDR: I relate to the point about being unpleasant when younger because I was super immature and had a big superiority complex (which actually came from insecurity likely). Edit: I also wanna clarify I’m not autistic, but this entire comment still describes a part of me. I’m also hoping it was understandable, or someone enjoyed reading it. I struggle a lot with making paragraphs too wordy, too all over the place, too hard to understand. I’ll write three paragraphs about something that can easily be summed up in a few sentences. It’s another part of me that feels so, SO awful because it makes expressing myself, my views and my wishes a literal battle. “Was I accurate enough? Did I accidentally subconsciously twist what I was writing about into something else? Is my tone right? Am I being annoying with this? Will anyone even read it? Will anyone understand how I’m thinking? *Will what I say be misinterpreted and result in them getting upset at me?” stuff like that

[@MosesX-Labs]

I’m glad we have you Chara. You’re such a cool guy and you’re one of the first Splatoon players I found out about when Splatoon 3 came out. I feel bad that you have to deal with anxiety and people online being harsh, but I’m glad you’re here anyway. If you ever need to take breaks then go ahead, I’m sure your viewers will understand.

[@bathilra5364]

I as a person in the same situation with many others know that the comments will be flooded with one of us one of us

[@bathilra5364]

Also you definitely deserve this and hearing your experience has helped me with my anxiety over content creation

[@solfegesc]

Thanks so much for this dude. I recently found your channel and also have autism/deal with social anxiety, and I really want to get into competitive splatoon myself. Your transparency and encouragement is SUPER appreciated, thank you so much.

[@luna.lu.lils.]

hi! i know this video is old but i am just seeing it now! honestly this video is really helpful hearing! i’m also autistic and have extreme anxiety your definitely one of my favorite creators and i always thought my experience was strange but after watching this i honestly relate to your experience and i’m sorry about the things you have gone through! i got fixated on splatoon about a year ago and literally since i’ve gotten into the fandom you have been my favorite splatoon youtuber! so thank you! :D

[@Icewater003]

Socially I absolutely struggle due to my severe anxiety which has made me severely introverted. Seeing you come so far with content creation and doing whatever you like despite your personal struggles is so admirable. I can hear your negative tone and can relate. In my eyes, you rock Chara!

[@FuzzyMH]

Me who also has Autism and struggles with anxiety: “He’s just like me for real.”

[@eunit08]

Just reading a bunch of the comments, this was way better and more wholesome than a montage. I have a daughter who is about to turn 3 years old who is diagnosed with autism and after learning that u have autism and thinking about your accomplishments from past trials and tribulations, I can feel better about my daughter's future. Thanks and congrats to 100k and 1mil before this is all over.

[@TheBlueWizzrobe]

Thanks for making this video, it definitely resonated with me as someone with autism myself. But I'm honestly quite surprised that people have made fun of your voice, I've always really enjoyed listening to it! And remember that the only reason you have so many eyes on you is because you're really good at this. You make great videos man, keep it up :)

[@QuantumGravy]

Oh man I can’t believe people picked on your voice, you’ve always had an incredibly clear way of speaking that just makes me hold more respect and hold onto each word, not to mention a positive energy you carry across constantly!! You genuinely have one of the most enjoyable to listen to splatoon vids (in my personal opinion!), sometimes I use some of your videos as background noise or to get my mind off of things!

[@sherbertshortkake6649]

8:45 "but, it's a bit different when it goes from, y'know, a few people in a classroom to..." "THAT MUCH!?" That dumb inDrive ad played at just the right time and I totally had a double take.

[@KIIROCORE]

i have an adblocker so idk what youre talking about but like .. on such a personal video too why youtube,,,/lh

[@polygawn]

I download this video and listened to it in class because I literally couldn’t wait til I got home to watch it. It was worth it tbh

[@copyrightstrike6949]

Chara I hope you know we love and appreciate you! I personally think you are a wonderful player and creator. You are a huge inspiration to be as both a competitive player and as a person. Keep shining!

[@davidflores5907]

Holy shit I’m really happy when people are open about their autism. That’s definitely something I struggle with when meeting new people.

[@wellbesnapjb5957]

Men you’re such an exemple for everyone, thank you so much you’re amazing 👏

[@squidkid419]

Hey chara, I can personally relate, as I’m sure so many other people can. Yes, you play splatoon, and yes, you’re super good at it, but that aside, you have become such an amazing role model for ANYBODY to follow. You are such an amazing person and you’ve gotten so much further in life than those people that can’t do anything nice and have to use bullying in one way or another to get anywhere, but that doesn’t get them anywhere in the end. You on the other hand, have have gained so many fans and followers, have given so many positive messages, and have shown that even though there are set backs, you aren’t going to let autism or anxiety crush you and bring you down for too long, and that’s what makes you such an amazing role model, even though people try to bash your skull in because they’re idiots, you still get back up, dust yourself off, and keep going, and that’s special. Thank you Chara, for making this channel, for being you, for playing splatoon, and for giving us everything you have. You’re an amazing person, and just remember that. Thank you Chara.

[@pixal1250]

I can agree, Chara. Being in a tournament is very stressful, and I understand the feeling of letting down your teammates and / or people you look up to. When I booked my first lesson with you, my legs would NOT stop shaking. I was so nervous that someone I really looked up to was reviewing my gameplay, and that was very stressful. I'm currently booking another lesson, and I'm going to try to be less stressed. Overall, I really appreciate your willingness to open up and talk about what made / makes your life difficult. I would have been so stressed and embarrassed if I'd gone through the same things you'd gone through! Thank you so much for your content, you are one of my favorite KZbinrs, and it's cool to see how you cope with this. I honestly didn't notice a thing!

[@averyfunnypun5529]

As someone who also has a severe anxiety disorder, autism, and chronic depression this lets me know that nothing should keep you from reaching your goal, no matter big or small. I got into your channel when Splatoon 3 released and I’ve been enjoying your content eversince, everytime you post a new video I try my best to view it when I’m able and your content has helped me enjoy playing Splatoon more and improving my skills. Thank you so much Chara, and congrats on 100K ❤️

[@antusFireNova]

This video felt sooo relatable, I have Asperger sindrome, and hearing others' experience with autism makes me feel less alone and more hopeful

[@antusFireNova]

Thank you for this, it might be one of my favorites subscribers milestone special

[@Eggmancan]

Good luck, buddy. The more you grow, the more you'll be subjected to criticism/hate, but you're growing because you make good content and it'd be a shame to see you disappear because of this struggle. Stay strong.

[@xakariii]

as a fellow autistic person, I appreciate how you're willing to share your experiences and struggles. it can't be easy to be a somewhat public figure on the internet, but the work you're doing is amazing, and I'm looking forward to what you do next. keep doing what you love, Chara

[@RealDudeFortitude]

Prochara, you are a beacon in Splatoon. I have autism as well as anxiety. You are amazing. Never give up.

[@Princeton_Spl]

I am a small content creator so this really motivated me, thanks for making this video as an autistic person it kinda means a lot and I hope you get better. Thanks Chara and give it all you got!❤

[@nimroddafny7125]

Truth be told since finding out there's a community in my country and getting to experience VC for the first time I've considered getting into competitive and as another autistic person seeing how far you got and knowing how far you'll get if you keep going makes me really happy. I still think back to Dude's tweet about competitive content being nonexistent on KZbin and it's crazy how much it seemed to motivate you.

[@silvesta5027]

Prochara and Larry Lurr getting 100k at basically the same time. Very based and cool

[@poppy-spades]

I'm proud of you, Chara. I myself am autistic and have OCD, so I completely relate to the things you described on a personal (not so much content creator) level. You've always been fun for me to watch and I just love hearing your thoughts on different things, and after listening to this I have to say I really admire your adaptability and strength. You've been through tough situations, you accept that they can keep happening but you keep moving, and you learn from them when you can, and you don't give up. And I think that makes you really strong. I know your anxiety might be saying one thing, but from an outside perspective I can tell you, someone who keeps on going, trying, improving the way you do no matter what happens? That is real courage. Take care of yourself, Chara! You said you've been doing worse mentally as your following grows, and I don't want you to get burnt out or break down over it. Don't be afraid to figure out what you need to help yourself, and do it! (And if you already have, well you're doing great! 😊)

[@MicahCallari]

being autistic myself, I'm really glad you opened up this discussion here. it's a really important conversation not a lot of people have, so it absolutely needs to be normalized to talk about. thank you, and congrats on 100k subs!!!

[@nausix1670]

Chara, you aren’t much different from anybody else. Everyone feels the things that you are feeling, it might just be more overwhelming for you but you really don’t need to worry. I look up to you as well as so many others. You’ve inspired me to do things I wouldn’t have done if I hadn’t found you. You got me into the competitive scene, you got me to pick up brella, I talk about the meta regularly, I have my own team now. I watch every single one of your videos. You have done a lot for this community and it has put a lot of weight on you to preform up to standard, and make the best content. We don’t think lesser of you, I talk about you like you’re a god. Don’t ever tell yourself that you’re not capable, that you aren’t normal, that everyone is out to get you and hate you for who you are. If everything becomes really overwhelming for you, I recommend you go see a therapist to sort out your emotions. Remember, you’re only human and you have still done so much to go above and beyond. Can’t wait for your next video!

[@imtherealfool3993]

you had no idea how much i needed to hear this. through out my entire life ive always had terrible anxiety and depression and i also have autism too and was diagnosed , like the bunch of comments here. i was always judged by so many people throughout my life because i always sounded so mean and being rude when i dont mean to at the very slightest. i remember i was being called a manipulator, liar etc. and because of so much stuff happening i deleted my previous account because how anxiety got to me and how everything just went wrong that day. i wanted to play competitive splatoon for years now and i still cant find the right team to do it with, mainly because i always struggled to talk and communicate on what i say and i stutter so much because of it. because of that experience i had that day, im always super hesitant to join any discord server because of it, let alone interact w/ any person i see. it just scares me because i dont wanna go through with it again. i even remembering people to kms because on how i talked and interacted w/ others even tho i never meant to harm anyone. i also remember when i had a huge instagram page for a different community as well, when it was quickly growing on there but i just didnt like it because how much my mind was racing through stuff about it so i stopped after doing 190 posts i think. through this video it made me cry because i had very similar experiences except the top player discord server part because on how that i was affected by it and it kinda emotionally scarred me if you know what i mean. i was always lonely as a kid and still am now, and all i ever hangout w/ is my partner and my best friend and thats just kinda it. you are a blessed person chara, know that many people love you who the way you are. at the end of the day, its still you

[@appreciatereciprocate5748]

Ur loved and you didn't deserve to be shut off from other people. Talking to other autistic people online to eventually meet in person is the majority way I networked. It's hard bc you've gotta single out the nice people from the often toxic group dynamics.

[@JaysoMK]

You've came such a long way and done so many things for this community despite what you have went through and how've you gotten better at handling the social problems, I may not be autistic and I wouldn't call my anxiety severe but this can inspire so many other people who can struggle with the same things. Thank you for providing all you've done for 100k people❤

[@diegold4914]

I really like your voice and tone, in the videos at least. It really matches with your content, Ánimo 💪

[@corn2454]

I felt a lot of what was said here I'm also Autistic, my symptoms are so intense I cannot hold a normal job, I tried to for awhile and it broke me. Hearing someone with so many of the same social issues I face, in a way overcoming them is inspiring to me. I have issues with tone, I have low empathy and struggle to understand others, I also have issues rambling and talking about stuff I love but nobody else cares about, my stream of consciousness is a constant mess of as many things as my brain can juggle at once. I love socializing and sharing my passions with others, but other people also terrify me, and being judged at all triggers a fight or flight response that I can barely handle sometimes. Surprisingly Splatoon 3 has helped me a bit with these issues too, alongside FFXIV, since interactions in these games rarely feel cruel, even if that fear still eats at me. But I do kinda wanna take after what you did in this video and push myself a bit more and improve at dealing with these scenarios. I hope this isn't too long, I just always feel seen when I see others on the spectrum, not even to make it all about me. I just think it's important for these struggles to be known.