12 Cynical Thoughts Narcissists Carry Into Social Gatherings

At a family gathering, a holiday party, or a special occasion, have you ever had the feeling that the narcissist was just biding time? Dr. Les Carter exposes how, in their arrogance, they can cling to all sorts of cynical thoughts that ooze out in such episodes. As your awareness is keen, you can just roll your eyes and move on.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his KZbin channel, his videos have received more than 100 million views.
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[@openeyes46]

Narcs will always mess up Christmas ,easter ,your birthdays or any other gatherings ,it's a given fact .

[@caroleminke6116]

Yup

[@demondogmom7221]

Yup... the best part of divorcing mine was I actually got to enjoy holidays! Christmas without his drama was the first one...yay!

[@mr.vargas5648]

Narcs are people driven by negative emotion and they love bringing you with them in their negativity.

[@fred.k9875]

Narcissist cynicism is classic projection.

[@istateyourname4710]

'I'm the smartest person in the room, no one even TRY to steal my thunder!!'🌩....(thought the narcissist!)

[@Chavacandraw]

OMG!!!! That’s one of her phrases! I hated that woman (mother)!

[@joshsmith2071]

thats them exactly

[@sallyb4871]

I rehearse Dr. Carter’s line often for such situations: “You may have whatever interpretation of me that you like.”

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Next Monday's video will give you even more lines!!

[@quatore-5886]

"What people think of me is none of my business."

[@michellephoenix9377]

​@@quatore-5886That's one of my favorites! Thanks for reminding me!😊

[@elizabethdean0187]

Me, too. Professor-Elizabeth

[@BarbzSA]

I was wondering if there's anyone who's done infographics of these videos!

[@fred.k9875]

Truth is the most powerful force in the universe!

[@bongofury333]

And love?

[@randy_cbc8811]

@@bongofury333 They go together, truth and love ..

[@angeldust7591]

Double edged sword unfortunately. :(

[@j.b.4340]

My narcissist likes to say, “why are you trying to start a fight?” ,any time my opinion differs. She’s always done that.

[@schizorap]

I always get the term “you are ranting” when I calmly point out the lies and distinctions

[@jimlong2469]

j.b.b4340 - - ... oh boy ..... YUP .. 😡

[@melodysanquist4834]

Getting stuck at a large table with these narcissists is a nightmare! And when they have an enabler on both sides of them they are even more horrible! Ruins everything for everyone else

[@mrmoshpotato]

I really enjoyed chilling in my sister's basement with my nieces and nephews at Thanksgiving. Totally avoided my whiny, narcissistic aunt, but could still do some mingling with other family upstairs and escape back to the basement.

[@roxymovie3938]

Exactly 🎯

[@joshsmith2071]

Thats why I am 43 and sit at the kids table with my 2 nephews there 5 and 7.

[@mday3821]

I can't help but think how narcissists don't like people that are different from them. It is like if you threw a pot luck dinner and everyone brought the same dish...how boring would that dinner be? Just my goofy way at looking at things.

[@caroleminke6116]

Most narcs would love that potluck but it would have to be their favorite dish made just like mom used to make it for them 😂

[@mday3821]

@@caroleminke6116 LOL😂

[@charleneamit1307]

Great point! Variety is the spice of life.

[@mday3821]

@@charleneamit1307 Thank you.

[@1cpascal]

It's best not to go to holiday gatherings where narcissists are going to be if you can avoid it. I say that as someone who has had quiet holidays alone for many years. You're much better off spending holidays by yourself, and doing things that you enjoy, than spending the holidays dealing with narcissists, their enablers, their drama and abuse.

[@roxymovie3938]

I am doing it like you since years. I prefer staying alone or with friends instead of family gatherings where you can never avoid the drama. I like quiet peace 💛🕊

[@openeyes46]

Things between us are done , so i blocked him because i know he will try to mess up my Christmas and New years .

[@joshsmith2071]

I am a loner. Sometimes I get a little lonley and go be around people and it reminds me why I am a loner. HAHA thats life you just deal with it the best you can.

[@roxymovie3938]

@@joshsmith2071 I understand you for I am also a loner 😉. Having peace and space is worth it.

[@deniseatcheson2846]

​@joshsmith2071 I thought I was wierd, so good to hear someone else who is just the same. This is exactly how I feel.

[@ginnywalker184]

Sadly, family gatherings don't happen often in my family due to my 2 sisters and their attitude that they either know everything or they're in charge even when it's not at their home, and make gatherings uncomfortable for others. Holidays are a solitary occasion for me and I prefer that to the put downs and bad behavior that so often occur. I can feel the tension "leave the room" once they leave the gathering; it's like being able to breathe again.

[@carolhill8917]

Can relate. I used to stay a few more days longer after my at my parents after my sisters left though one was local.

[@carolhill8917]

From experience with my older sisters, especially 2 of them, I ve learned that it's no use to say much in the conversations as I get cut down no matter what I say. Wonder if that is why I hardly spoke in my kindergarten class.

[@ginnywalker184]

@@carolhill8917 I can identify. I stand back and watch as they try to "impress" others with all their knowledge and let them make a fool of themselves because 99.9% of the time they do not know what they're talking about. I have found it best to let them show others who they are and observe. The last family gathering I attended was well over a year ago and my youngest sister never said one word to me, acted like she was the hostess even though it was not in her house and when she left you could feel the tension leave the room. I can identify with being being shy in kindergarten; I was the same and found it served me well. Take care!

[@fred.k9875]

Narcissist seek comfort to hide their true character we seek peace, yet only in the time of infliction and adversity that our true character is put to the test and we can claim our peace and victory.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

Well said.

[@adorablerepurposals6745]

Wow! Nailed it. I was in a situation, this week that I failed in. I was reactive to the insults and negativity and wish I would’ve just walked away, as usual. Reactivity is NOT the way to go with narcissists.

[@youtubeposter3814]

I think the punctuation is off in your post… I’m sure how to read it correctly. Is it just me?

[@fred.k9875]

@@youtubeposter3814 thanks, I consider your feedback 😊.

[@surlif]

I detect competition all over the place at these gatherings. I noticed for several years that my brother and his wife liked to passively/aggressively put me and my children down and brag on themselves in a "by the way" manner. Goodness, come to find out my sis-in-law was envious of some silly beauty pageants I won and cheerleader awards I got way back in high school! Not long after graduating from high school, I felt silly about even being in such shallow things and had no idea that anyone would even remember. But a few years ago, after my husband retired from the military we moved back to the small town and found in several different ways that people saw me as the high school beauty queen. Not just families can get sick. Whole little communities can develop very unhealthy ways of interacting. Goodness, I have had heartbreaking hardships (sudden loss of a child), gained a lot of weight, and the narc in my life didn't want me to buy new clothes or wear jewelry. I am aging rapidly. And the folks here still want to bring me down and put me in my place. My gosh, cant they see that LIFE did that to me??!!?

[@M_SC]

I’m sorry you are surrounded by a culture of nastiness

[@cherylnathanodette]

Ooh ignore them all, you be you abd bugger the rest of the haters. Honestly I can't be bothered with people putting others down. Everyone has life events that make it hard without people trying to make life harder.

[@snowbear1877]

After my marriage broke up, my brother in law said to me that "things had been going very well for me up till now". I suddenly realised that my sister and brother in law had been envious of me. Yet, all we were doing was what any young couple did: buy a house, graduate from uni, get a job, etc. It was as though they didn't grant me this success, and showed Schadenfreude when my marriage collapsed. They had no idea of my internal struggles. They were just competitive with me. So sad. It was as though he implied that I deserved a bad thing to happen to me.

[@springerworks002]

😆 🤣 😂 😹 It only gets worse. People dogpile someone who is down.

[@richardstevens7547]

​@@snowbear1877 same here. I didn't know there was a competition and damn straight everyone piled on when I was down. It was difficult to admit to myself that family wished for my downfall.

[@Andromeda_M31]

My covert narc ex would give me the silent treatment all of the time. Right before i left, he was giving me the silent treatment. I was demanding a response, he refused to, so i threw a bucket of water in his face. Not my finest moment but I got a response. If someone gives me the silent treatment now, I make it a permanent choice for them and go no contact.

[@openeyes46]

Good for you , your were past the expirer date and let them know .

[@lynnebucher6537]

After I convinced my then husband to stop for breakfast at a small country diner, I realized he was visibly nervous about being around working class people, as if lower income was catching. That was a wake up call that he was classist and a snob and insecure.

[@caroleminke6116]

Yup

[@pamwhitehouse5961]

Great point, but what the heck do they feel insecure about around us working class folk? They have so much more than we do. Is it their paranoia, thinking that someone is going to rip them off? Perhaps I said something unnecessary, but usually don't they just get all uppity and judgemental anyway, and insult people who are different from them? Love & blessings.

[@acolley2891]

They expect everyone to stop what they are doing and acknowledge them, serve their food first, etc. or they sulk like a petulant child.... and they love to be late so everyone is there to witness their entrance. its utterly ridiculous

[@MarianMurphy-rz8ej]

People switched up real quick. Disappointed in human beings. I have no reason to socialise anymore if people have 0 integrity and practise lies and ignorance…

[@oxigenarian9763]

When I think back to gatherings I've attended, I'm reminded of how prevalent these attitudes really are...

[@surlif]

YES! What have we all done to each other????

[@t_nels]

The biggest heartfelt Thanks to Dr Carter @Surviving Narcissism and Team Healthy. I never thought I could handle what I have this week without you all. I appreciate everyone. ❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Keep leaning forward!

[@t_nels]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Will do 🌹

[@aaronkwolfe]

You’re stronger than you realize.

[@t_nels]

@@aaronkwolfe Thank you! 🌹You have been a great support.

[@roxymovie3938]

​@@t_nels I agree with Aaron 👍 Teresa, you are much more stronger than you think you are. And look at all your children. They are "fruit of the Lord", aren't they? 😉 You are in many ways very blessed 🙏💛🙏 and you've got so much resilience ❤

[@user-qv9nw1dq2f]

We should avoid narcissistic as much as possible. Thank you dr Carter❤

[@mr.vargas5648]

Sometimes you cant avoid them.

[@melodysanquist4834]

I agree but it helps a lot to be able to identify their enablers. The frontman of the narcissist, the one who brings everyone else’s guard down, who helps the narcissist hide their true face whenever the fake mask slips

[@Misslotusification]

In rare cases, yes. In most, we can, but it's easier that way. In any case, if we choose to stay around, they become our teachers in how to relate in a healthy way. That's the challenge.@@mr.vargas5648

[@julianmcculloch3235]

They might be your boss, sibling, colleague etc 😳

[@wendybond2848]

My ex hated Christmas, having to buy everyone presents. I love the opportunity to choose gifts that will bring people pleasure. Also, Christmas is not about them alone and they are not interested in other people so for them it’s a chore.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You make sense

[@princessangerloo5905]

I would literally be in tears at some point during EVERY. SINGLE. trip or gathering my “husband” and I attended because he would find a way to completely sabotage it

[@warriormom5843]

My husband literally sacrificed me like a piece of meat to a hungry lion (his mother) EVERY SINGLE TIME we’d go to her house-and I was bullied to go there weekly, and when my son was little, THE ENTIRE WEEKEND!! A complete NARC CULT SADISTIC “FAMILY!” Hello, my name is “Sacrificial Lamb!”

[@Hatbox948]

Been there, done that. My ex narc would also pretend he didn't know me and never introduced me. It made for some very awkward, uncomfortable moments.

[@denicehaley9902]

@@Hatbox948my “husband” did that, too. He, also, would walk right past me and look beyond as if I didn’t even exist! How heartless and cold!

[@darinsmith2458]

I look at it this way... On one side there is mental illness and on the other side is mental toughness.. I want to be around mentally tough people..

[@nicoledburns82]

I'm getting good at the word no. No to family gatherings where it would just be tension or drama. No to just letting narcissistic people do whatever they want with no repercussions. No to keeping my mouth shut or being the bigger person...I'm too short to be any bigger hahaha. No to just sweeping things under the rug or letting people do and say whatever they want just because we share dna. No is my word of the year.

[@elvissgrandma3215]

Narcissists bring their own agenda to ANY situation. They judge and find you wanting. I love the way you use the word 'haughty' Dr Les! In my part of the world we call it 'bloody-mindedness' :D

[@roxymovie3938]

I remember my youngest half-brother when he was about 3 years old, he would already say in such an arrogant and convincing way, "When I am old, I will become the boss and I will have my own chauffeur!" I was really shocked when I heard him saying this already at such a young age. And moreover he developed into the boss of the family, his friends. I often told my father and my stephmother (I was only a guest for I was never living with them) that they should not favour him over my older half-brother but they would not listen to me and they were totally unaware that they nurtured him as the golden child. The result is that nothing is good enough for him and his anger is always lying beyond his surface, just waiting to find a way out. There hasn't been any Christmas in harmony with him for he uses special occasions to create humiliation and rage with his mother infront of all guests. I remember one Christmas that my stephmother after such a scene also got into a rage and threw us all out. My daughter and I do not go there anymore on such occasions for we do not like all of this tension.

[@aleafox1675]

You know there comes a time you just have to break the chain. It's sad, but it is the only way to sanity. Merry Christmas to you and your daughter.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Hmm. The wicked stepmother!!! 🫂❤️

[@johntracey4196]

WOW 😳

[@MEL2theJ]

Good for you 💪 You and your daughter do not have to be subjected to such madness. Proud of you for making that decision

[@henrykujawa4427]

One more example of how I WISH TO GOD I knew about narcissism decades earlier. My DAD-- the long-gone bane of my entire life-- used to create extreme tension and explosive anger situations ON CHRISTMAS DAY. Even as a little kid, I wondered... WTF??? We stopped celebrating holidays entirely by the time I was in my mid-teens.

[@AnnePerkins-po5jo]

And then there are people who don't like social situations because they dread the antics of the narcissistic folks. Whatever it is you do, there's a narc opportunity to find fault with it and in front of an audience, well, the put down is on steroids! Social settings are also great for the narcissist to cultivate new supply, get an audience to air their superior knowledge and enjoy the gourmet snacks and drinks without the need to contribute.

[@MarianMurphy-rz8ej]

They’ve had their day surely. When you see their true colours. They’re peeping toms and see all kinds of inappropriate things.

[@michellehill718]

Ah, the phony baloneys of the world, Dr. C! Lol 🙃Indeed, there ae so many of them! ✅

[@craigmerkey8518]

I stopped expecting reciprocal conversations when I was in middle school!

[@harmonizedigital.]

My grandmother was like this back when she was alive. She would come up to me and say at social events "I think you wasted your time in high school". Like why even say that when I am already in college.

[@BaraSchmidt]

Good Morning Team Healthy!!

[@marmaladesunrise]

Just passing time, accurate.

[@jenniferlockhart2659]

My WORD! That is my ex TO A T! Watching these videos really help me understand I'm not the crazy one. On the other hand it angers me to listen to the narcissist behaviors because it brings up many, many memories I don't want to re-live. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and simple understanding. It's been a little over 2 years now, I'm pretty much at peace but there are triggers that bring me back. Thankfully they are becoming far and few between 😊

[@MarianneCatherine]

I know what you mean about triggers from the videos. 😢 Sometimes Dr C is talking about things that are my situation TO A T and I start having anxiety. But, I continue to watch and learn and ride out the anxiety. Thanks to Dr C I'm growing stronger all the time!😊❤ What a blessing he is!!!❤

[@thuurmichels763]

My narc sis wants to see me and my mother for christmas. I'm not interested, since A) I assume she asks it because she has nothing else going on, B) the last times we were together she flat out ignored us, C) she will make sure mom and I are annoyed to the max... Just have to find a way to pawn her off. 🤞

[@roxymovie3938]

A Narcissist's interest is to bring down the mood of the group. The cynicism is already in them before they show up: 1. The Categorizer "I am watching for people on my bad list." 2. The Stink-bomb "If you differ from me, you are stupid." 3. The Edgyness "I am on in telling people they are wrong." 4. The Grading system "I am uncomfortable being around incompetent people." 5. The Condescending attitude "You are not worthy of my attention." 6. The Take over "It would be better if you would do it my way." 7. The Thinking away "I can think of other places where I would be beter off." 8. The Shallowness "Why should I bother knowing others better?" 9. The King "I wish people would understand how important...I am." 10. The Ignorant "I wish people would understand how unimportant they are." 11. The Pretender "I have an image I want to maintain." 12. The Furious "If you want to argue, bring it on..." 》These thoughts are a manifestation of their unresolved anger 》It reflects a form of paranoia 》It's not about you but their own pain 》They don't know the nature of love Dr Carter 👨‍🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks again, Roxy!

[@roxymovie3938]

@@SurvivingNarcissism You are quite welcome, Dr Carter.

[@yukio_saito]

Thank you for taking notes. 📓✍ I would get out of a social gathering when someone acts like that. 🏃💨💨

[@roxymovie3938]

@@yukio_saito You are very welcome, Yukio. 🙏💛🙏 Yes, it's much more peaceful to just stay away from such social gatherings, like in my case family unfortunately.

[@yukio_saito]

@@roxymovie3938 6. "It would be better if you would do it my way." It's so annoying to deal with unsolicited advice givers. I cut ties with such toxic friends.　✂🔪🗡

[@pirateheart21]

After 21 years I finally been granted a divorce from my N-ex-spouce.. We have one minor child the other children are older it's so hard to watch the anxiety she goes through having to go to his place every other weekend she honestly has panic attacks.. If by chance you see this are there any tips you can give for helping children who now have to go spend time with these people unchaperoned 😢

[@angelacahill9460]

I have dealt with this obnoxious mindset and attitude so much in my life, both in my own family, circle of "friends", and in the workplace. So tired of it.

[@charleneamit1307]

Dr. C., l love your facial expressions when imitating a Narcissist. They are bang on. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience with team healthy.

[@valerieannrumpf4151]

You described one of my narcissist neighbors to a T.

[@sheilajac]

"these people are so [insert projection here - eg boring, stupid, naiive, beneath me, "have so many issues"]. I have an uncle i haven't seen in decades who i suspect has some things in common with me and who i suspect a narc family member will be seeing at some point over the holidays. It might be enlightening to one of them. I'm not going to say who or how because the narc stalks me, or used to - in the comments section of your videos. If he sees this: "HI stalker!"

[@duromusabc]

You just described my in laws to the T ! That’s why I’m avoiding them on Christmas Day Grinches and scrooges all of them- baaa humbug !

[@joshua255860]

Dr. Carter, One week before Christmas, and I am reminded that going to see my narcissist mother is a total unpleasant experience for me and my husband. We leave her home and my first thought is always that this was a terrible day for us. She operates in all the ways you just described.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Strengthen yourself from the inside out. She's free to be who she is...but so are you. Be you and don't let her set your pace.

[@Greenawareness188]

Dr. Carter , Glad to see you are a little better . Kiss Gus on his fuzzy head . ❤

[@Ray-vq2jc]

I find it shocking that Narcissist that I have known who are so disgusting live so long ,because there are a lot people who are ill tempered that will actually shoot or stab people like this . Personally I try to avoid them. But if you have a job and a Narcissist is a coworker and you complain to the boss and he or she refuses to address the problem it is the most difficult situations to be in. Great video .

[@joshsmith2071]

yes I been there

[@Ray-vq2jc]

@@joshsmith2071 Thanks for your reply.

[@themicrobusinessrenegadepo6338]

For me, to have meaningful relationships in my family means to see each family member one at time....no more family gatherings because they always end in a vicious fight. Its like a contest to see who has been the most slighted. I can still stay in their Iives visiting occaisionally one at a time and have a good time with them without all the crossfire.

[@youtubeguy8796]

This video is so healing!

[@MeeLii2024]

My narc just ruined the holidays for his child that I love. He decided I was causing him discomfort and therefore I am now a bad person and must be discarded. Where he could have been having a nice vacation over the holidays in Florida with me taking care of his child, he chose a cold holiday destroying his child's self esteem. SMH....the only one getting hurt here is the child, I could care less if I never hear another one of his lies

[@prophet1782]

Excellent. I've experienced all twelve with narcs. most in my family. One narc sis openly says i'm a genius. Narc mum is high and Mightiest. Royal. One lady said behind her back. "We are chicken in front of her" she heard it. One aunty with old age effect openly said ," we were chicken s____ to her".

[@valerieshy8749]

Perfect list! So on point and true. I can remember the narc in my life show up to a going away party and this person sat in the middle of the living room reading a book. No interest in meeting anyone and all the other points you made. Think he moved when people started showing up, but I ignored him after that and had a FAB time. Thank you, Dr. Carter for another great video.

[@aaronkwolfe]

My (N-ex) wife noted that a nearby town was so vain, that when 2 women were passing each other on the sidewalk, they BOTH knew which one was hotter. I found that somewhat disturbing to hear. Now that I think back, she never walked on that town’s sidewalk.

[@roxymovie3938]

Aaron, this is not only disturbing but also so very crazy. But at the same time it's also somehow funny for you are describing it in such a soberly manner 😅

[@aaronkwolfe]

@@roxymovie3938 I was astounded to hear her explanation of “the way things were” in this town. So matter-of-factly. I certainly couldn’t argue with someone so right all of the time.

[@roxymovie3938]

@@aaronkwolfe I now get the film "Pretty Woman" into my head 🤣 yes, you cannot argue with s.o. who is always "right" and her explanation would have also baffled me😅

[@t_nels]

​@@aaronkwolfeOh gosh, I think my mother did this. Made for effect reasons not to trust or go out.

[@mariaawake4502]

That is so ridiculous , but sounds like coming from the mindset of a female narcissist. I do not know any female narcissists up close, only males and they are odd too.... Avoiding better looking women, you can only shake your head, not normal.

[@surlif]

Lately, its getting weird at family gatherings because my family (I never thought of my family as narcs. The narcissists I had to deal with has always been my husband and his family ... not my sisters!) is becoming fanatical like about politics. I wish it was just ONE of them!. While I voted for the person they hero worship, I pointed out some of his shortcomings and the group came down on me like I said I like Nazism. I am not going to name any politicians and didn't bring this up for any debate. I am just depressed. Am I the narcissist??? I am the one that upset the gathering. Well, for sure I have a lot of leaning and growing to do. The narc in my life is a highly trained (West Point, Airborne Army Ranger, Lt. Colonel combat veteran ...among other things).I do know I am not nearly healed from all that happened with the narcissist in my life and his family. I was "conquered and controlled" for decades by someone who is an expert. I am messed up. But meanwhile, I want to hide out because I no longer know how to interact socially. I feel like I am that ONE person who upsets social gatherings and I don't even know what said that wrong. Maybe I have Asperger's syndrome~~~ sigh

[@talkingmongo0se]

If you agree on 99%of things they will still do everything they can to argue that 1% out of you. If they enjoy looking for “debates” as a reason to get publicly angry in a more “socially acceptable” manner look out.

[@PplsChampion]

my good friend has similar politics to your family but he only gave me about 1 minute of grief when i shared my own [differing but not fanatical] politics, it was no problem. i found most ppl were the same way, most ppl dont act like kids on social media. you do not sound like you were being toxic.

[@julianmcculloch3235]

That first half was me when I was younger 🥺. I've learnt alot since, having a parent with narcissistic traits was hard, especially when you had no idea. Reading the room is key.

[@babycakes8434]

I had that one uncle, who came to a birthday party, din't say hello, and didn't say a word all evening and left. All that because he was angry at my parents. He never forgave my momm, and will take that spite and anger to the grave probably. Oh well, he won't be the first one, nor the last one....

[@cymbolichuman433]

We always want to be the best person, some of are critical of others, we don't have love for humankind whatever, we are better than anyone else so why don't others realize that? We are right and everyone else is wrong.

[@margiestephens7281]

I am so thankful for you, Dr. Carter, for your lifelong dedication to helping people to understand narcissistic behavior. I have been free from any & ALL this evil interaction for a few years now. It’s rough going all the way back to my childhood, looking at what made me such a prime target in the first place but these years of disconnecting, soul searching, journaling have given me my life back. Words can’t express my gratitude to you for what you do

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yes. They are VERY cynical.

[@jeankipper6954]

Wasband hit every single point! And a few more. Like, wanting to be a musician, but completely unwilling to practice, anything. Even though watching me practice, daily. Sneered at my incompetence, at needing the practice. Holding others accountable for things that they had no responsibility for, such as a plumber, for a product they sold to him AT HIS DIRECTION, rather than the manufacturer. I could go on, 20 years worth. In all that time, he was never at fault in any way, as he so often would say. That emperor has no clothes on!!!

[@melb2734]

LOL to him thinking practice is a bad thing. That's how people learn and get good at things. Those medal winning Olympic athletes...yeah, they practiced A LOT. Even child prodigies watch and go over things in their mind.

[@mareeamor3596]

Oh such good advice at this time of year when I cannot avoid the narcissist as you describe. I will be on tenterhooks on Christmas Day which should be a time to share love, but sadly will be a stage for the narcissist to display all twelve points you made. With your continued advice and strategies, my family and I will deal with this as best we can. Bless you and have a happy Festive Season. Peace, indeed!

[@Generichjm]

Thank you for your work, i appreciate it!

[@Alice-fr1ef]

Hi Dr. Carter, Gus and the Team Healthy Community and may you all have a Wonderful Merry Christmas and Holiday Season.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks so much, Alice!

[@Brian-zl6ib]

I'm dealing with a narcissist neighbor at present. These videos have been very useful. There's been conflicts and I've got him threatening me on camera. He thinks he perfectly entitled to do this and there's some legal exception for him. He's after one upmanship. I just want him evicted. I'll forget about him in a week and he somehow knows this and hates how I can move on.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

We are probably not the problem ...... they will never believe it.... 🙁🙁😕😕🙁🙁

[@roxymovie3938]

Robbie, they will always think we are the problem...because they have to "look good" and make us small wherever they can...It's sad and very exhausting. 🫂❤

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

@@roxymovie3938 🍏🍏🍎🍎🍏🍏

[@kat-75]

They go to social gatherings?

[@caroleminke6116]

Only if they can get supply 😅

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I think I can probably guess, but Im betting that I've inadvertently heard a lot of them. This will be very interesting. I won't make the premiere today as myself and my eldest son's girlfriend are off to an arty craft shop whilst the lads are seeing 'father' 🙄 I look forward to watching later but will miss my team healthy family/pals in the chat. Take care 🫂 ❤️ 🙏

[@roxymovie3938]

Hi Amanda, hope you will have some fun together with the girlfriend of your son. Sounds like you are in the role of "mother-in-law" today 🙃. Could be joy if you both have some shared interests and enjoying "men-free-time", haha. Of course, not so much fun for you that your sons are seeing "father" today. But perhaps you will hear some "cynical thoughts" afterwards that you can share with us 😉. Thinking of you and see you later 🫂❤

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

Saw you made it. 🫂🫂

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

Hey there roxy ...🌹🌹 @@roxymovie3938

[@Gardenwitch1954]

Thank you again Dr. C🐶

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I was glad I just about made the premiere. Dr.'s videos always resonate! And it was awesome to make a brief appearance on the chat. The day seemed to go well all round! The lads had a day with their father and stepmother (both miserable and moany) but no fisticuffs this time 👍 I took my son's girlfriend to hobbycraft, bought some bits and pieces (like children in a candy shop), and had lunch in Subway. I bought a headband making kit for my granddaughter. The early hours of the morning, my son and his girlfriend went on holiday till Christmas Eve! Meanwhile, my youngest son and I have to look after his dog! The stress leading up to all these events takes its toll and taking on everyone else's stresses for not such a big family just wiped me out yesterday 🙃 I'm ever so tired but getting there 😴

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

My covert ex shunned my whole family. They admired him and helped him financially. He couldn't be bothered to be with them. I am choosy but I do tolerate most even the ones whose cyncism. I have got plenty if my own but I rarely don't argue any more. 😂

[@MEL2theJ]

Thank you again Dr. C 👍

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Always welcome!

[@stalphonsusliguori33]

As soon as ppl did not agree or share same values, opinions, ideas as my ex husband , my ex mother/sister in law, My ex mother in law and sister in law used to say about ppl behind their backs in my presence “ppl with no university degree act like peasants”. I for one do not have a university degree, nor did my ex at that time. There you have it, degrading and making them better than anyone else. I am blessed I left this demonic trio. There were lots involved, she and her daughter bossing around in my home, her son abused (choking and pushing was his specialty) me and when I told on him she said; “ you provoked him” (she enabled his bad behaviour every time), other time when I called my in-laws she answered and she heard I cried and asked to talk to my ex father-in-law and she hang up the phone on me (because her husband threatened his son to beat the shit out of him if his son abused me.)

[@mrknoklene]

Try telling narcissists with university degrees that the earth is flat 😅I did, do you think they listened?

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

Thank you, Thank you!!!

[@snowbear1877]

My family accuses me of not 'deigning", to interact with certain people (my brother in law) but it's not that, it's because he is abusive and mentally cruel so I stay away him.

[@bradmcewen]

This should have triggered the crap out of me. Yet time and others wisdom has been absorbed. If someone appears to be appealing, yet in their fifties still "available", here is your brilliant red flag. Your guess prior to being put into coercive control will be right. Certain occupations are playgrounds for body collectors. My experience was with a realtor. The only reason i call that out is the vlog here from Dr. C.spelled it out verbatim. Every personal and business interaction was transactional. Hmmm, well with business that seems logic...yet that bargained for deal extends way, way further than that. The delay between signing the agreement and sale....or lack of sale is the manipulatives playground. I saw where the space in between was much more profitable than a quick sale. Then you got it, the discard of supply run dry. Holy crap. Compulsive repetition with zero reciprocity. I mean zero. Now that thats out of my system for the hundredth time. Buyer, seller, reputable agents, closers, Beware. Then afterwards you hears this....oh everyone knows that....Holy crap....Naivete is bliss, until you meet a narctriss.

[@monaj33]

Actually being a 50 plus single might be a little red flag, but being a real estate agent is a VERY big flag...they will go to any extreme and even sleep with people to make the sell ..they have lying silver tongues...😊

[@bradmcewen]

@monaj33 I see you've been there, seen that. Let me get more specific..over fifty, literally dozens and dozens of "targets" its a huge red flag, respectively countered. But this history awareness doesn't come till mid to end stage relationshit. It's funny...what no rush to judgements for all the designer external validation is now also a red flag. You'll be right 99 % of the time.

[@ingrid3578]

My narcissistic father who ruled with an iron fist was like that. Anyone who was remotely different from him was judged harshly and badmouthed behind their back. He taught us that nobody can be trusted, that everyone should be held under suspicion automatically even if evidence to the contrary had emerged later on. He looked down on people. His brand of humour was sarcasm and backhanded compliments. The way he looked at others was with a sly grin, like a “I know what you’re up to” look. He was definitely a paranoid person and assumed people wanted to trick him. He spoke highly of nobody except Bill Gates lol because he was rich and educated and a computer guy like him. Never once had he told us to be like someone who was kind, loving, loyal, passionate, etc. His measuring stick for success was purely how rich someone was and what kind of prestigious career they had. He was so full of shit and had no right to judge anyone when his own life was a disaster.

[@williamdillard8330]

I had a cousin who wouldn't look at or speak to me at a family gathering BECAUSE I didn't take his advice which came across as a directive when he told I should move back home. He was the oldest family member at the time and he thought people should defer to him on account of that. Mind you his 'hero' was Charlie Sheen who was going through that " tiger blood " period if you can remember that. Now my cousin would have been considered to have NPD of the covert style. He managed to keep it hidden to many people except for his own father who warned me specifically about this son of his who had a negative attitude towards me. Actually he said, " He don't want no good to come to you." I did not believe my uncle and boy was I wrong! But it wasn't until he retired that his narcissistic meanness started popping outwardly in a noticeable manner. When I told him I didn't vote for his preferred political party he went off even threw a newspaper across the room. He started doing other nasty things by doing the dogwhistle that narcissists sometimes do or outright criticism of things I was involved in that were praised by other people including my family. Mind you I didn't know what a narcissist was and because of the family dynamic I would have had a very hard time with him had I known what a narcissist is. But going back to him telling me where I ought to live I mean to tell you I was shocked and more, so a week or two later when he was drunk as a sailor and in a matter of speaking he implied I wasn't (You know the word)!

[@michelekurlan2580]

Hope this vid means your laryngitis is gone! Probably different "flavors" of the Debbie Downers, however, my mom could get like jow you are depicting. She'd mope. Esp as she aged. Now that she is gone, and I have acquired a better understanding of narc spectrum, I feel sad for her and wish I had understood and been less reactive,even more supportive of her, because she struggled with a comorbid mix of mental health issues, at least all my life. Hard to imagine her own family of origin's dynamic...was mostly a secret, only to be revealed thru her own behavior. The rest was left to speculation. Your teaching here allows me to continue pushing thru the part of me that grieves the tyoe of mom~daighter relationship we did not have...we could not have. Thx Dr. C Another" keeper" shirt. Jennifer, pick some of em up for ya? You take good care

[@hugmc]

Trying to have a relationship with a narcissist is like trying to control a dog with rabies 😂❤

[@Hatbox948]

Very good analogy.

[@deborahcaldwell9775]

Good one!

[@meatwax]

Avoid Narccicissts...ok...explains why I have very few friends and Avoid the public. Pretty much everyone is a Narccicisst.

[@victoryamartin9773]

There's this man at my Bible Study who reminds us that he's the elder of our church because he's 71 years old, and that gives him the responsibility to tell us our perspectives on the Scriptures we're discussing are wrong and to preach the "real truth" to us. Every time we read that the author wants us to be like-minded or of the same mind or heart, he goes into a sermon on how we have to all hold to the same doctrine that he believes. I make sarcastic remarks about how we all need to adhere to the gospel according to ***!, the rest laugh, and ***! continues preaching without skipping a beat, or he'll say, "No, it's not my gospel, it's God's word, the true gospel." The group seems to be getting tired of my confronting ***! because it's going nowhere, and I feel like I'm losing support. The rest of the group likes sharing ideas and discussing how the Scriptures speak to them, but ***!'s influence is quite stultifying, and no one else has been willing to confront him. I just don't see how we can grow as a group with his overshadowing censureship and sermonizing. I think there's something I need to change about my involvement in the group, but I'm not sure what that is. Any ideas?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

First, that just makes me roll his eyes. Isn't humility a primary tenet of Christianity? Clearly correctness (his version) is more important to him than love. Guys like that are so convinced they should have been one of the 12 apostles that they virtually never change. That being the case, the adjustment will have to come on your end. BTW, I'm 69 and minored in religion in college. Would he still be my elder too? Make sure you see the video, How Religious Narcissists Will Gaslight You. Dr. C

[@victoryamartin9773]

Yep, he's your elder too, lol. Thanks for the response. 😊

[@Hatbox948]

Find another church. Many today are guilty of not teaching "truth".

[@denicehaley9902]

Is there other groups within your church, or outreach ministries of your interest in your area where you can grow and thrive?

[@jimlong2469]

"at social gatherings" ........... YUP ..... my wife to a "T"

[@henrykujawa4427]

"Where'd you ever get an idea like THAT?" My (NOW-EX!!!) home care clients were always ready to argue about everything (especially the younger one, who was the older guy's "flying monkey"). I'm reminded of one particularly stupid & trivial example: I happened to mention that when I get a hoagie or a SALAD, I'll pop it into the microwave to get it up to room temperature. "YOU HEAT UP A SALAD?????" --asked as if I was strangling little baby kittens (to quote from a very old Bill Cosby stand-up routine). STAY AWAY from people like this! They can screw up your mind, and make it VERY difficult to THINK straight, or ACT logically. (I'm dealing with some fallout from that right now.)

[@pipnipipa7627mimmahappunchaol]

Their sorry is never true and backward out of touch it is about group think nonsense and souless types. Really they make me sick for such a superficial never mutual ways. They live to call the Devil. I stay away avoid such types

[@ianjohnston7469]

cynic means you believe others are motivated for selfish means. a common mistake.

[@123raven4]

I don't associate with narcissists at the workplace unless I absolutely have to! I avoid them and ignore them! I see it as a boundary. Am I wrong? From what I can from their side is victim playing and smear campaign begins but I keep my mouth shut! I don't believe defending myself is going to get me anywhere. Am I doing the wrong thing or does that make narcissistic? I just don't want to be around their superiority attitude because it is furthest from the truth! Also other people will jump on the bandwagon with her believing her lies.. monkeys but I don't let it bother me!

[@RichardChave-xl9yw]

Personally, as a self aware psychopath I CAN be guilty of all these things should I choose to descend to these levels. Conversely, why would I waste all the effort in to controlling others when I can focus it into attaining my goals? Love isan addiction. Why should I need to be addicted? Surely a wise man controls his addictions?

[@snowbear1877]

What is wrong with being cynical? I would have thought that would be a healthy ingredient: to question things.

[@Cod12Osc]

Some environments people just get together, they want to be popular, and be around all their drinking buddies. Bottom line, it's about SELF....these are not healthy environments.... I also think there are variables to this as well for some folks in these situations....one of the variables, if things are not right within the household, things keep getting unresolved, if there is no regard for feelings of your spouse about where to go for the holidays etc , something will be off at social gatherings, also some people don't really care gatherings, and if mental and emotional abuse has occurred within your own household and you know there is no concern for where you go or environment, you are going to feel reserved or not have much to say.... My husband sure didn't give silent treatment at these gatherings, but I didn't notice him doing all the talking either???? He definitely didn't want to look vad either. He wants to look good, be known as the nice party guy, surface conversation at these parties....he wants people to think he's the nice guy with nice looks.... I tell you assess what kind of environment you are going to be in, is it a healthy environment or an unhealthy environment?

[@joshsmith2071]

good advice

[@user-uq4hh1xh3y]

Their sorry is never true and backward out of touch it is about group think nonsense and souless types. Really they make me sick for such a superficial never mutual ways. They live to call God the Devil. I stay away avoid such types

[@Misslotusification]

4:22

[@nicolebalmain8076]

💯🙏💓🙌💓🙏💯

[@secondhorizon]

Anyone claiming they are not *On-The-Make* ("out to get something") is a Liar.

[@t_nels]

Too true!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

By saying that that are not after anything, they are after a huge amount of praise and a huge pat on the back!!!

[@aaronkwolfe]

I’m suspicious of the person demanding “Trust me!”

[@secondhorizon]

@@aaronkwolfe A narcissist typically triangulates (or accuses) Someone-Else of being *On-The-Make* in social situations. This target person hasn't initiated a "You can Trust-Me!" scenario. But, it seems as if they did ~ because the narcissist has set-them-up.

[@pamelamoore6239]

My ex told me something very similar to this when we were just married..."No one does anything unless there is something in it for themselves". I didn't believe he really thought that way. I was young and naive. He was telling me about himself.

[@davidmann4533]

More proof the human race is an alien experiment gone awry 😂

[@pennypothoneypot634mimmahappun]

Their sorry is never true and backward out of touch it is about group think nonsense and souless types. Really they make me sick for such a superficial never mutual ways. They live to call God the Devil. I stay away avoid such types