Do narcissists ever join up consciously as a team, I think I saw this, and also a particular penchant to go after empathy

Thank you so much ❤

I really like the distinction between grief and guilt. For me, it's my SIL who controls access to my brother and has for many years. I'm finally cutting way back on contact after decades of snide remarks to me and outright nasty arguments for me not going 100% along with what she believes or wants to do. We were at a restaurant with other people I'd brought along so her behaviour would be better, but at one point she was shouting about something in a book written 30 years ago that none of us cared about. I can grieve not being closer to a family member, but I don't need to feel guilty for no longer being willing to be treated badly.

Very good

👍

Merry Christmas from Denmark 🎉❤

no contact is your way to healing,also stay close to God, he will fight your battles for you

your life is being sucked out of you,getting angry is a natural reaction, sometimes not always the best but there has to be a release,its either that or you just go no contact, and slowly but surely move on with your life

True

ugh, the list of things you said about responsible people made me wince. I have no problem taking responsiblity for my BS and ive been in therapy for ten years but i also can be emotionally erratic and defensive around shame, but i never ever try to convince the other person that my shame or my mess up is THEIR problem in any way. My point is, I can't tell if I have become an irresponsible person because Im dealing with a covert narc partner and the anxiety i cant quite pin point and the betrayal i feel but cant say anything to him about is just breakinh me down as a person, OR, I am a covert narcissist. If anyone has ANY insight, please, please, please help

I’m depending on karma. I’ve got a lot of em in my past…. I used to think it was me…..

They are the Golden Child and wingman to a dictator parent..in my experience. They do know right from wrong. My family narcs ganged up on me, firstly because I was the baby, then I was the youngest, then the youngest and the less valuable one as I moved away to study, lastly..I was the youngest, least valuable, not married (because nobody wanted me, apparently), useless and stupid one.....kept getting worse and worse.

Ok ill be the problem. Now ill go. But they even have a problem with that.

🙏

I am walking away completely quiet. There's nothing to say. Because they just project n round n round n round. Better to just dissappear like they do.

Merry Christmas Dr. C So Grateful for your knowledge ❤

When everything fell apart because of my narcissists (ex boyfriend, my family, his family) but I still didn't know anything about narcissism > Absolutely and without comparison with any other condition, ‌the deepest damage I had to face for many years, every single day, ... it was *the absolute lack of confidence in myself and in my ability to recognize reliable people from unreliable ones* . Plus, the lack of self-confidence for normal daily decisions. I considered myself an idiot and incapable. Even when, after a few years, on an intellectual level I managed to "rationalize" and see a lot of facts linked to evident actual responsibilities of certain people in doing so many damages and abuses and (for me inexplicable) ignoble behaviors and injustices... On the emotional and profound level I still could not trust anyone *because I didn't trust myself* . Basically... Thank Heaven (meaning _really_ Thank Heaven) I had already achieved a minimal dose, very little, of self-confidence when I listened to my first lifesaver, dr Ramani for the first time on youtube. It has been like she pulled me out of a hole and she gave me an intravenous of confidence in myself, the validation of what I had always seen and felt, but I was unable to understand the bigger picture of the narcissism. Dr. C is the second one, but not less important for my path. The third (again > not less important) is Jerry Wise. And then a long list of many other amazing people. At this moment, much work to do for me to recover the normal and healthy self-trust. Edit. And now, after writing all the above, I can see the devastating conflict...between being highly empathetic and... all the rest 🥴 Really, I have had the insight right now. What a mess 😳 ▶️ post scriptum. The beginning of my comment: what fell apart? That's a very long story, too long. And anyway, actually there have always been many facts with small or big disasters in my narcissistic family system. Chaos is the narcissistic rule. we know it well.

Unfortunately called a liar by a narcissist as I was being removed from a DV situation of 50 years So evil Then feed’s narrative that I’m controlling

Today the USA and even the whole world is having to deal with the most famous narcissist in the world today: Donald Trump.

When o listened to this it totally described what I lived with in a marriage of 42 years.

When they realize it...all hell REALLY breaks loose

Psychological incompetence. Brilliant ❤❤❤❤

the n°rc°ss°st has a right to defend himself. 😇

I've had zero "luck" with betterhelp. They keep "matching" me with therapists that do not line up with what I indicated on the sign-up. :(

They are the king of tne castle your the dirty rascal.

As you most likely know, DrC, I am looking forward to this one. Holidays are rough.

I won't try. My door is open. That's it. I have another child that she can't even reach out to despite his special needs. I give up my time with him so she can see him, like yesterday, I let my son go see her and her father for her birthday, yet I don't even have a phone number for her and she's 15. Her father has revised history, but I have seen him do it so many times that I know eventually, she will witness him do it to her, and he will get sick of her being a "user" as he has called her, which he likes because it makes him feel useful. Go on, I say. I did not get crazy by dealing with healthy people. I did as much as I could, so I am almost certain this alienation occurred because I won't let my daughter get away with everything she wants, so that is just fine with me.

yup. that's isr°°l.

Psalm 1:1

my brother is a narcissist, and people often forget about sibling abuse. i trauma bonded to him because we had a pretty rough childhood and he was the only "good" thing about it. every conversation with him would be an argument he HAD to win and he was fond of playing the devil's advocate (red flag in itself). he used to be really nice when we were younger and then around 16 he got involved with 4chan (anonymous site) where lots of unhealthy and socially deprived people lurk. it's not a very nice place. i remember him telling me about someone posting a video of throwing a foetus at a wall and asking for people's opinions on what to do with it. i laughed along because that's what i'd been taught to do to avoid conflict but my gut was turned and i had no idea why at the time, i only knew that i felt really uncomfortable and wrote it off as being "too sensitive". say what you will, i'm not exactly precious about a group of cells that has no consciousness, but it was the meaning behind it all. that if this COULD be a person, they would treat it so unkindly. agreeing with him on everything was the only way to stay in his good books, so i always agreed. he was the only role model i had growing up and i wasn't aware back then of how miserable it was making me. i was hateful, bitter and spiteful, all under his direction. i've had to unlearn so much ever since i cut ties but unfortunately still have to see him at family events. i've been so much happier since i cut him off

Narcissist are demons and demons are beyond redemption

Ugly is alienated from my grandsons for 8 years now.

Les, are you a multimillionaire?

This is very timely. I actually had to block my own son today. It's hard to comprehend the depth of deception and contempt they can have for someone who has knocked myself out showing them love and acceptance. I released them to live their own lives. Somehow I feel unburdened.

I think "hate" and "resent" is more like it.

I've seen this. From a few people. Like watching cirque de soleil. stunning.

I think it's something different. Sadism isn't cold.

yeah they do. that's why they target you.

Thank you Dr. Carter! All I can say is that your description of “the dark side” just brought me instant relief. I will always appreciate your insight and your help!

Like, a plane ride away.

They’re shameless. They run from exposure

Being a good person. And a touch psychic. "Bio fam."

One thing I'm finding really annoying about all this need for me to understand narcissism is I assumed life would be easier than this. I didn't think I would be walking on thin ice every time I'm around other people. I know there are some people I need to walk on thin ice around because they're psychopaths, but I didn't expect there to be narcissists around every corner all of my life.

Sorry for length, I’m using something for pain which is pretty strong and a verbal stimulant… (I really need a pain pump, sigh: OMG! I am so sorry you brought this guy on. I still have his ‘Rethinking’ book somewhere because it’s really hard for me to throw out a book, but I also wouldn’t want anyone naive to psychology and/or without solid knowledge of logic to read it and think Malkin’s glib misrepresentations are valid. So, it remains hidden somewhere in my apartment, and I couldn’t find it to provide some direct quotes tonight. The amount of spurious reasoning in this rather small book is daunting, rendering it a veritable Pandora’s book of unfounded allegations, based on altering what has been the common understanding of well-founded terminology for several decades. The core one, which allowed him to resemble a ground breaker and pitch his book as offering something different from the competition, was reframing what has been defined for years by the mainstream professionals as the characteristics of “healthy self-esteem” particularly in contrast to narcissism, but Malkin has misrepresented that those are actually what has been considered as ‘narcissism’ by the therapeutic fields-the opposite of reality-and he alone is now here to stand up for these behaviors as healthy and the positive side of narcissism- which anyone paying attention knows is bs. However, his target market was not those with a solid background in this subject. His market was expanded by this neat little trick to include those accused of being narcissists, and provided the basis for them to retort, when finally confronted, with ‘What I have, per this psychologist, is ‘healthy self-esteem’ despite the reality that healthy self-esteem can never be confused with narcissism, as he alleges, as the main premise of his book. There are very clear distinctions, but the victim of the narcissist now has one less support in their effort to disengage from what are already persons far more adept at manipulation and deception than the best of their victims. My immediate reaction was that he either is genuinely confused in his understanding of the topic, or he thought he had found a gimmick to ‘separate him from the pack’. He has been the only person to take this tack, because it has absolutely no legitimacy. What Mr. Malkin has done is either due to a failure of knowledge or logic-which is possible, or due to a rather ruthless manipulation in order to self a book and further his credentials, despite that it misrepresents the research and understanding of Narcissism to this point, thus leaving victims possibly even less equipped to extricate themselves from the Narcissist and their lies. As per his unfailing civility and other honorable traits, Dr. C has been his usual genial self as host, and I hope I haven’t been too out of bounds, but this is one of the handful of books that push a lot of my buttons, as the only way narcissism could be represented as having positives, was to distort and disguise its actual nature, which is purely predatory in a society only recently learning its nature and its own vulnerability. FTR, My opinion on narcissism: The only positive aspects of narcissism are those enjoyed by narcissists themselves. The kind of artistry or inventiveness that has gifted society over the centuries has never been driven by a person motivated to‘be better’ than their peers. That 2-Dimensional approach never wins. Nor has healthy self-esteem ever been mistaken for narcissism, or vice versa, except to sell books. (I’ll try to remember to come back to edit this,,,)

The narc roommate steal's food, then put's it back on a daily basis. He took my candy bar out of my room and just put it back! He tried to fight me last night. I went into the hallway and he charged at me like a raging bull! He'll get his karma! I was fixing my hair, and he say's where are you going? Does the malignant enjoy physical fight's too?

This was pure gold DR Le's, Keep shining light on the darkness, Thank you so much for this, You're a great bloke and a treasure to humanity, This speaks volumes, Merry Christmas to you Gus and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory praise and smiles to the most high :-) :-) :-)

You are their "surrogate." Not their spouse, partner, family member or friend. You are their "Host" as in the movie trilogy, "Aliens."

Thank-you, Dr. Carter. It's so painful that my ex-husband had absolutely no regard for me along with the constant lying about who he was and lying just about everything else. Blaming me for things i had no control over snd the gaslighting! The worst was the vindictive cruelty.

This was my father who adopted me. I was a 1 year old with special needs, the magistrate said to him that he had to be aware of this. He made himself out to be a saint. After a short while, he stopped my medical reconstructive care and said, "Nothing will ever change or help, and I'd better just focus on being smart instead..." He said I was just feeling sorry for myself. My mum allowed this. I have told the many mental health therapists that he used my disability for instant sainthood. All I know in my heart/soul is, being a father is for life, not just when you can't be bothered anymore. I'm not a dog/cat you can just dump at the pound. But... he's a devout, born again Catholic, always willing to help people in need..

😁Dr C, I am so thankful for your videos. God showed me a lantern I’m my thoughts. He is the light and we r the glass that allows His light to shine through us. If the Light within us is Light, how great is that light. But, if the light within us is darkness, how great is that darkness. I love the way u take spiritual truths and convey them in a way that can be heard by all…like CS Lewis and Narnia. Thank u and God bless u.