15 Best Questions To Ask On A First Date

[@RobinJohnstonphotography]

‘Any history of Nazism in the family?’ ‘Who’s your favourite serial killer?’ ‘Do you know much about knives?’

[@gir3009]

My personal favorite question is asking my date if they know the starting year of significant wars the United States was involved in.

[@JuanMoreno-wo5yb]

@@gir3009 In other words, you’ve never had a second date!! RIGHT 😂

[@RobinJohnstonphotography]

@@gir3009’Did you know the US fought a war with Spain? You don’t? Let me tell you all about it!’

[@cniht]

When you hear the word Yandere what do you think of?

[@TheWhisperCorner]

Have you ever been to Amsterdam with your dad?

[@DanTuber]

The best way to get to know someone is not asking questions. But seeing how they react to things. Activity dates tells you a lot more.

[@drudude7093]

Exactly, don't ask how people handle conflict, after you get to know them maybe politely disagree when appropriate and see how they handle it

[@Coolman1985]

I agree def, but then again going thru this route might uncover some things too late, when you could have asked before, just a thought

[@crimestoppers1877]

Activity dates like the gym, swimming, mountain climbing, visit the beach when it is hot! ( swim suit time).

[@verb0ze]

Yeah I find it cringe if I'm being asked or have to ask that many questions on a date. Rather, share stories, see how they can relate, and these questions will naturally be answered. Also, agree with activities. I'm an active person, if I suggest a second/third date that includes an activity and she's not down, that could be reveal things

[@John-78]

Exactly. One of the best things you can do is say no to a woman very early on and see how she handles it. You can eliminate a lot of women who would make your life miserable right off the bat.

[@DanE-ew1yt]

Holy cow. I didn't realize how unready for a relationship I am until I thought about having to answer these questions.

[@LG-bv5op]

I don’t know what to do with myself anymore I just want to be 😊WWWWWWWWWWWWWW

[@LG-bv5op]

A

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

I don’t want to ask or answer any of these questions

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

I hate most of these questions. These are great thing to find out, but asking the questions are often not the best way to find out. I think it might be better to make a list that you leave at home of what you want to know and then, go, observe and have conversations and then make notes when you come home. I don’t want to ask someone how they handle conflict. I’d rather just wait and see how they handle conflict… like for example, if he orders mashed potato’s and they say they are out of mashed and he needs to substitute a side, how does he respond. Don’t agree with everything he says and you’ll find out! Etc. how does he act if the parking lot is full.. etc.

[@watchdog6619]

Yeah same, this made me literally from an incel to a vocel. Dating feels so strange, like a job interview, kinda unnatural, how do someone fall in love with someone, without having a crush at first at all. Duck, my touch starvation is gonna my bane 😖

[@amitten]

The problem I have with some of this is the questions are being formulated by experts, who haven't been on a first date in probably 20 years.

[@lightryu33]

Spot on

[@darinsyverson9177]

Great ideology

[@BWater-yq3jx]

Or ever.

[@damienbell3155]

lol,lol. 😂. We think alike bro

[@Muhluri]

Damn

[@10oneluv10]

I think the first date should be fun...no pressure, just have a good time. There were a couple of fun questions on this list, and those are the only ones I would ask. Save the judgy questions for the second date. It's important to show them that a good and fun time is a possibility with you.

[@leisiyox]

That feeling when you don't get 2nd dates at all 😢

[@daniellehotsky1776]

That feeling when you don't get any first dates 🫡🤢🤧🍺🤦

[@oneminutedaily6394]

what are the fun ones?

[@smithn.wesson495]

Wow....wow....wow......Ok, two questions really stand out. "When you think of current political events, is there something that stands out to you?" and "What is something in past relationships you needed to work on?" If this is a true, first time, first meeting first date.....you are really playing with fire bringing up politics and her ex-boyfriend. Everyone knows it's a cardinal sin to talk about your ex or last relationship on a first date. Then, and with how hot politics is, how separated out society is becoming and how divided our world is right now, I would rather ask her "How often do you douche?" on a first date.

[@tavrincallas3218]

@@smithn.wesson495 so would you rather find out later if she and you have radically different political views that would make it hard for you to be in a happy relationship? Why waste both people's time and wait until a second date? First date: *goes very well* Second date: One of the two people: "I've been voting for the people who want to bring Mussolini back to life and give him control of the world my whole life" I would rather know something like that beforehand

[@khukri_wielderxxx1962]

1) 3:19 What made you interested in going out with me? 2) 4:27 What are you looking for? 3) 6:32 What matters to you? 4) 8:31 When you think of current political events, is there something that stands out to you? 5) 10:22 What does your work-life balance look like? 6) 13:51 What would you do if you had a week off? 7) 14:54 When you spend time with people, how often are you the one making the plans? 8) 16:46 How well do you feel like you compromise with others? 9) 18:35 What do you think is important for a healthy relationship? 11) 22:50 What is something in past relationships you needed to work on? 12) 24:29 Who is the person you talk to the most? 13) 25:26 What is the best gift you've ever received? 14) 26:58 What was your first impression of me? 15) 28:03 What made you most excited about going on a date with me?

[@sullybully]

Thank you for that sacrifice 💀

[@khukri_wielderxxx1962]

@@sullybully I do it for the people! :)

[@smithn.wesson495]

Wow....wow....wow......Ok, two questions really stand out. "When you think of current political events, is there something that stands out to you?" and "What is something in past relationships you needed to work on?" If this is a true, first time, first meeting first date.....you are really playing with fire bringing up politics and her ex-boyfriend. Everyone knows it's a cardinal sin to talk about your ex or last relationship on a first date. Then, and with how hot politics is, how separated out society is becoming and how divided our world is right now, I would rather ask her "How often do you douche?" on a first date.

[@games4us132]

This should be pinned

[@games4us132]

Also you forgot 10) 20:11 How do you handle conflicts?

[@edricleclercq5008]

I went on a date with a girl a few days ago and I had no idea what to ask her, for whatever reason could not get into the flow of the conversation and we ended up talking about menial things like school and rent. Safe to say, I completely blew it and she ended up leaving mid-convo to "get back home". Honestly, my ego took a pretty big hit 🥲 This video is a good jumping-off point I think, and hopefully I'll run into less blockage during future date conversations 😅

[@Ace-tu2is]

I would not be too hard on yourself. I used to beat myself up for stuff like that but perhaps they are the ones that blew it. They walked away from you and I.

[@edricleclercq5008]

@@Ace-tu2is Thanks for the kind words. I suppose you do also bring up a good point. It takes "two to tango" and you can't accept responsibility for everything. I sure hope it was a case of incompatibility at the end of the day but I did feel bummed out that I messed up this seemingly amazing opportunity to get to know this girl. But hey... trial and error. I'll get it right next time :)

[@superfark5914]

Remember conversation has to ebb and flow...seems to me she wasn't giving you much to ebb back to her.

[@Spike2276]

Stick to simple questions, but not questions that can be answered with "yes" or "no". But honestly, if my dating experience is anything to go by then you probably didn't blow it, because women nowadays seem averse to giving open answers that lead to interesting conversations. And it's not your sole responsability to make conversation flow. You can't talk to a brick wall.

[@franzelias5368]

If I have to carry the convo by myself I'm simply the unpaid entertainiment. No thanks. Be happy you dodged a bullet.

[@banginbadger75]

The best gift question is an easy one for me. When I was a senior in highschool I dated this girl for a brief period, about 4 months. On Valentines day I took her to dinner & she ended up giving me a great gift. It was a blanket that she knitted specifically for me. I'm 6'3 so she knitted it for a tall skinny guy. She even knitted in a "made with love" badge onto it. I loved it & I think she really liked the fact that I liked it so much myself. I still have it, it's one of my most valuable possesions. I personally struggle with low emotional intelligence & social anxiety and some antisocial behavior tendecies, but that blanket that my highschool girlfriend made for me acts as a reminder of how good I can really make someone feel despite all of my shortcomings. It motivates me to fix my problems & become a better person so that I can one day have something like that again & make someone feel that good again.

[@APiccolo]

Reading your thing reminds me of this relationship I had almost 10 years ago when I was 18. The relationship itself was a spectacular trainwreck, but there was this one "gift" that really hit home and remembering it still feels good. So, she liked to draw all kinds of stuff on her iPad. One day she sent me this drawing of us two hugging, with hearts around us and her writing saying how she felt so comfortable with me. It felt like such a pure demonstration of care and love. I deleted the file for the sake of my sanity but I still remember how it looks. It was definitely one of the most awesome gestures I ever got from someone who wasn't my parents

[@appie776]

Bruh. Its just a blanket.

[@dietlindvonhohenwald448]

@@appie776 😢 Do you know how long it takes to Knit a big blanket like that? Month! It’s also made with love one stitch at a time. Handmade gifts are the best, because the love and care and emotion went into it with the material. If you have ever made anything at all by hand from scratch you would know that. The blanket is”not just a blanket” - it is a piece of art that was made with love.

[@ericmorris5912]

How come you didn’t marry her dude?

[@brandonleibel9348]

I really haven't been on to dates, but when the date is going well one of my favorite questions is "what is your most embarrassing moment." It typically ends with everyone laughing, and you can learn so much about a person based on how they answer it. How they deal with conflict, abit about there past, alot of times it can even lead to the things that they are very interested in.

[@ejays99]

Totally agree on the conflict question. Asking someone "How do you handle conflict?" most times they're going to give an inaccurate representation of what they actually do in conflict.

[@ejays99]

I used to ask the "What are you looking for?" question but it backfired a few times, made the girl think I was too intense on a first date. Men are very direct and think questions like this are fine, but a lot of women are not wired that way.

[@davellii6309]

I personally think asking the question with potential answers is easier and less loaded, for example "Are you in a stage of life right now where you're looking for something longterm or are you just going with the flow, and meeting new people?"

[@Chococat_Ariana]

That last sentence: chef's kiss 🤌🏻

[@ErikPierreR]

Doing things alone! After a major relationship ended years ago, I decided to learn how to be happy on my own before any serious dating. Knowing I’d be happy in any case was a totally different mindset. The confidence that came from this was LIFE CHANGING. Thanks again Courtney!

[@ClellBiggs]

I know first dates are basically job interviews but you don't want to make it feel that way. Be careful what questions you ask, how you ask them, and how many. I'd pick 4 or 5 that are most important and work them into the conversation organically so it doesn't feel like an interrogation.

[@toraso842]

But how do u do this I suck at conversations with someone I don’t know

[@ClellBiggs]

@@toraso842 Unfortunately it takes practice. Every person that's good at conversation got there by having conversations.

[@DarkVeghetta]

@@toraso842 The easiest path would be to find some common interests and work from there. It's incredibly easy for me to talk to WoW veterans, for example, and gamers in general. These days I could burn the midnight oil with a lot of topics, as my interests have expanded as I've gotten older.

[@ronaldoalberto3510]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who found some of these questions odd Thank you for expanding on them and reframing them to sound more natural

[@antoinedesjardins9605]

Hi Courtney, A lot of the healthiest relationships among my friends are from people that knew each other for months or years before starting to date. So for me, a big problem with online dating is that I feel that girls are looking for a really fast fusional connection that is really hard to get from 3-4 dates and if you don’t, it’s friendzone. I know that you already did, but would like to see videos on how to create really flirting dates to create that quick spark to not be friendzoned. You videos helped me a lot in the last 2 years, ty!!!

[@potatogirlcultist19]

Best advice I can give is just start hanging out with ladies more. Not for dates, but just as friends. That way you will be able to see what their character is like. I would never, ever go out on a date with someone I've just met. It's just way too abrupt. The worst thing that can possibly happen is that you end up living with someone you despise for the rest of your life.

[@JuanMoreno-wo5yb]

@@potatogirlcultist19 What is an example of hanging out (sorry but I get the idea of being on a date if I am hanging out). ❤. I would love to have a real casual date (hanging out, but I don’t have a clue what I would do besides taking a walk and talking maybe?) 😊

[@potatogirlcultist19]

@@JuanMoreno-wo5yb Well, a lot of people see a woman who attracts them to the eye and immediately come to the conclusion that they want a relationship with her. This is a terrible mistake, as having someone who you can connect to on an emotional level as well as a physical one is arguably way more important. Don't get me wrong, physical attractiveness is valuable. But it is extremely overrated and some guys (and girls even) might not bother to try and get to know them better because "They're not my type" or "they don't have (feature) I'm looking for". When I say hang out, I mean the end goal is not to start a relationship with them but to bond with them and spend quality time with them, like you would with a guy friend (be aware that women do have a different approach and mentality to males). It can take many months or maybe even years to decide if this person is for you or not. If you think a woman would add value to your life and be as a faithful, loving and compassionate person as you are, then think about starting a relationship with them.

[@englandhall5316]

These women only friendzone guys they are not attracted to

[@x-man5056]

@@JuanMoreno-wo5yb A walk is not a bad idea most of the time. A shoreline, or nice park walk can be an outstanding first date BUT, only if she's open to it. Some women would really be comfortable with that (providing not isolated), some may think you are going cheap. If you know a place to take her for lunch that has a nice view may be a good plan "B". Then maybe a walk if it goes well. But here is your real dilemma: " I would never, ever go out on a date with someone I've just met. It's just way too abrupt." I don't know why you think this, but this notion will do nothing but hold you back. Sorry Juan, that's a fact. The way you state it so adamantly, makes it "stink'n think'n". It makes the way forward for you much more difficult. It's a literal road block you placed in your own way.

[@shadowblaster124]

Asking about politics on the first date is the worst possible idea. Discussing politics is actually difficult because people use the same words but with different meanings. There is no way two strangers are going to understand each other so well that they can discuss a topic where the very same words have utterly different connotations and meanings. So, before you discuss that, you need to ensure you can speak the same language as the other person. That takes getting to know them. You won't have that on a first date.

[@pabloramos369]

As "best gift"... the first and likely the only that came to mind is "my whole education" ... from my parents. They paid for the best school and college they could afford , and supported me through my whole career (doctor in medicine). Hard to beat that.

[@НиколайГенчев-ж4в]

I think, that the the first thing you need to do is to guide the conversation into the direction of the question you want to ask, so it feels natural asking that question. I often start with I like to do X in my time or If i want to relax I do Y, then ask "How about you?". In this way you reveal part of you and the person who you are talking to will be more inclined to answer this question knowing that you've already answered the same question a second ago. Equally important is to not over do it. If you ask all the questions in this way, on the second or third question your date will see the pattern and this will surely annoy him/her. Ask a question, try to keep the conversation on this topic for a few minutes, then jump to the next topic/question. There's an app called Big Talk, which has a million open ended questions which are great conversation starters and the greatest part is that those questions are divided by categories. Keep in mind that the most important thing is to have fun with your date, because if you both have fun, there's a great chance that there will be a next date. I would be happy if this helps someone. Happy hunting ;)

[@Leo-yn5fx]

The problem for a lot of people is they can't maintain an optimal ration of questions to statements so they just stick to whats safe and not risky.

[@danielizquierdo113]

Ty for the app suggestion

[@janisvaro4949]

I agree with you on so many of these questions--it feels VERY much like a job interview. All my best first dates were just FUN! Just be curious about the other person. Don't be so heavy.

[@Drikkerbadevand]

exactly lol.. This is too crazy I don't think I would ever ask any of these questions especially out of context lol.. Maybe the gift one if the subject happens to come up... Just talk about each other and what you do in your free time.. If someone is bored by talking about what they literally do in their pastime they're not worth it in the first place :)

[@Ezilla82]

"How do you handle conflict?" My answer is, "Well we'll talk about it to find solutions to what cause this situation and find compromise that both of us will be happy with." Still I'm looking forward to Courtney's take on this question. Now, these questions were interesting, but some were kind of repeating themselves a bit. Well the questions I will ask will be more fun and not you're in a interrogation room.

[@shantideva30]

much more important than what you ask is "how" you ask things. imo. my goal is not to collect massive amount of data, it is to create connection. so keep it playful and friendly.

[@TurnOntheBrightLights.]

Correct! 💯

[@redsox4life]

I think some of these questions are worth asking. And, some of these questions are worth waiting until later to ask or not ask at all. I would avoid politics on a first date. Now, asking them what they would do if they had a week off would be a fun question to ask.

[@JuanMoreno-wo5yb]

God, by all means stay away from politics in all relationships for this year it is going to be crazy!! 😮

[@redsox4life]

@@JuanMoreno-wo5yb , I agree with you, unless you already know that they're on the same side you're on.

[@TheFishdoctor1952]

I've never been in a relationship where politics made a difference in whether I liked them or not. Nor religion.

[@Leonardo_No_Cardio]

The quality of your consulting in your videos is beyond my expectations 🎉 bravo Courtney

[@gao2737]

those questions just make me feel like I am having an interview.

[@jamesrangelov8774]

Same dont do this.. so boring my god. 🤣…

[@hannahberlinpetry450]

I think keeping it pretty casual on the first date is best, no need to dig into personal topics if you don’t even get a good vibe being in the same room as them for an hour 😂

[@BWater-yq3jx]

Yeah these folks need to relax.

[@danielracovitan9779]

absolutely, people swallow all sorts of Cosmopolitan-like BS and machine-gun their date with heavy questions in the very first date

[@bellgrand]

I actually think these are mostly second date questions. First date should be much lower stakes. Try to have a natural conversation about FORD (family, occupation, recreation, dreams), with recreation probably being the least important. If you can vibe with one another for an hour or so, then you want to make sure you're both aligned in terms what sort of relationship you are looking for. The second date is about the deeper questions where things can go wrong. The goal is to build up to a third or fourth date where you can openly discuss potential dealbreakers; the struggles you have gone through in the past; your baggage and weaknesses.

[@Windmill360]

These are mostly job interview questions and rather intense for a first date. Might be good for finding a "match" but not necessarily for getting a second date, which is the real struggle for guys. I would scatter these type of questions across several dates if anything, and just focus on fun questions for the first date or two integrated into

[@frenchfan3368]

Excellent video as always Courtney! On another note, I would avoid overusing the verb "to like" with attraction and dating. Rather than saying "Do you like this person?" or "Does this person like you?," I would personally be more clear with expressions like "I am interested in this person" or "I find this person attractive." I "like" a lot of women in my life but there are only a few that I am interested in dating.

[@elvishuff1267]

Watching Courtney’s initial reaction to these questions was a great barometer to see how women are going to react to these. Thanks Courtney!

[@TheFishdoctor1952]

I do enjoy her eyes and facial expressions.

[@ajtaylor8750]

#2 is a question that really isn't that effective because people aren't always 100% sure or honest about what they're looking for when dating. They'll say they're only looking for something short-term or casual, but in reality they actually want a long-term relationship and end up hurting themselves for not being truthful.

[@johnsnow04]

I think, for example, that a lot of women get duped by men who are outright lying about what they want. Almost no men is going to tell them that they are only looking for sex. They would always say how they are looking for a relationship, have sex and dump them after. Hence why the question isnt really effective and could be replaced by "Where do you see yourself in x time". As it gives a better look at wishes of somebody and you would need to date for some time to see if they want long term commitment or just casual.

[@badrequest5596]

Or say something very vague like "we'll see where it goes"

[@SpoonHurler]

So, I shouldn't answer it with "if I knew what I wanted I should've found it by now." 😂

[@elijahschnake3863]

Those people should consider telling the truth

[@BWater-yq3jx]

Ever bought a car? 'What are you looking for?' is the first question a salesman will ask. Do you like car salesmen? Are people cars? Is this a good date question? No.

[@VeganHorseman]

Best gift is easy for me. My deep and abiding friendship with my best friend from college. He was always there for me no matter what the situation. He loved me for who I was as a person and the feeling was mutual. Unfortunately he passed away from liver cancer in 1995 and it was a great loss for the world since he was such an outgoing and loving individual who everyone saw as an asset to society. We met the first day of college in 1972 when we were people watching together sitting on a wall at the student union building. It was a blessing that was meant to be. His love and friendship for the next 23 years transformed my life and it was a tragic loss for me personally as well as for the world at large. It was a once in a lifetime gift that I reflect on regularly knowing what a true friendship looks like.

[@smoothlyrough512]

The way you dress matters. I went with the Ronald McDonald look once, her grandma magically got into a skydiving accident with a horse and she had to cut the date short. Still waiting on her to call back though. Don't know how the horse is doing.

[@Spike2276]

One of my favorite questions to ask my dates (although usually for 2nd or 3rd dates) is along the lines of: "what is your unrealistic dream?" In a playful manner, and usually giving examples of stuff such as going to space, or meeting dead celebrities or historical figures. It usually gets a nice conversation rolling by sparking an interest in something that person deeply likes.

[@x-man5056]

Skip the standard questions/answers game. This list is as good as any but not really avoiding the interview. You want the 1st date to be FUN!, not a survey. Not a mundane psychological exercise. First dates purpose is to create an idea in her head that you are fun to be with. You must produce 'energy'. Humor is good, but excitement is even better. The first thing I want to know is if she's 'merry go round' or 'extreme roller coaster'. You want to know what sort of fire resides inside her, not how many brothers and sisters she has and how old (it's not harmful, but not now). The best question ever, to produce an energetic discussion, create automatic back and forth, make laughter and adrenaline is: "Tell me of a super scary, weird, funny, uber extraordinary thing that you've seen or where part of." Have a few of your own ready. Tell her you'll go first if she's hesitant. Then in an animated way, tell your weird, funny or scary story. Car wreak, seen a UFO (I have), other supernatural phenomena, was in a tornado, almost drown. Any story that is scary, weird, funny or exciting. Everyone has had WTF moments. When you first meet you concentrate on FUN, not mundane. Plenty of time to share metrics, they have almost no importance at all on the first date, but that's where people go...yawn. " I", would NEVER ask the question "what made you want to go out with me?". What if I don't like the answer to a question I don't really care about? Your purpose is NOT to put your date on the spot. It isn't an inquisition and that's not fun.

[@destinationdopamine7869]

What’s your KZbin channel so I can subscribe? Well Done!

[@x-man5056]

@@destinationdopamine7869 x-man5056 If you open playlists, that is the only content I have but Thanks.

[@petepinal8415]

Hi there, Thank you for a great topic. About #8, How do you feel about compromising, or how often do you compromise? That “does” sound like too much of a “job interview” question. How about, “How often do you go with the flow, or Do you usually go with what’s suggested, or Do you like to share “inputs?”

[@sebastienporsenna8616]

You could always start by telling a story. I know we all have a story about buying something and either being excited to read the instructions on how to assemble it or just start by not reading and trying to assemble. Then you could ask are you somebody that reads instructions on things or just start trying to figure it out. And you can sure proceed with asking her to share an experience she can remember 😉.

[@JuanMoreno-wo5yb]

Nope!! You are falling into a trap of judging her! You are setting the stage to judge her if you know it or not, it’s going to backfire!

[@SilkyJohnson7]

I'm an incredibly open person and more afraid to answer any question thrown at me But some fun questions I like to ask are: What kind of fruit would you be and why? If you found a genie, what would your 1 wish be? And it can't be for more wishes!! Lol If you could pick a superpower, what would it be and why? If you could snap your fingers and end 1 problem in the world, what would it be? All these questions are light and can be playful while getting to know the other person more

[@1zen1ben]

Love your content. I've been recommending you to friends because you're videos are just full gems for dating etc. thanks.

[@robindaryn3404]

These questions are so helpful, real, and refreshing. Thank you.

[@popofilipo7114]

If I go on a first date with somebody I won't bring up any questions to make her feel uncomfortable like it's an interview I don't want her to feel like I'm being judging her. Just wanted to have a good time with her enjoying the scenery having great conversations about anything but not making her questioning herself in any form of ways. 2nd date same thing ain't bring up any questions like I'm doing an investigation. On the 3rd date. That tells me she's still interested that's were I'm asking my favorite question of all time. What are you seeking for in a relationship and what are your plans, goals for the future? So by that time she's already felt comfortable with me answering those questions truthfully. Reveal there true self// What is my favorite gift someone gave me? My answer to that comes from my heart, is being there with me in good time and bad. That's all it matters to me, sharing those magical moments that I call it real friendship real love.Those memories I will never forget till I die. Yes that's my answer to that question ( real friendship) Off course no one is perfect but we 10:57 need to keep those memories alive. Those moments are special.

[@briansykes2806]

I have never asked any woman any of these questions. Just relax and let your character come out. The answers to these issues will become apparent as you talk. Quite honestly many of these questions seem to be for 16 -18 year olds.

[@bumberrr_off]

I think its the complete opposite! I think they're for for like 40 year old freshly divorced people😂

[@JohnnyinCLE]

Courtney, you hit the nail on the head, regarding success and workload. My better half is fine with my workload, but she's also a workaholic. I've dated women who liked what I made, but hated my lack of free time. There is an opportunity cost to everything.

[@seth_piano]

These videos about "best questions" have given me clarity on myself. I feel like a lot of people are looking for a "spark" on a first date and they want the date to ignite some kind of passionate chemistry and that's just...not. what I'm looking for. And it's not what I feel like I bring to the table either. I think that what I'm looking for in someone else, and also what I bring to the table best, is a sense of calm, comfort, warmth, safety - what other people seem to think is boring seems to be right up my alley. I'd rather go in that direction and lead with my best foot forward than try to play a character that I'm not. I think that's why all of these questions seem appealing to me, even the more interview-ish ones or the more farfetched. Something that helps get right into opening up is something that I'm going to value. Every question that makes me go "ooh I love that" is a question that makes Courtney's eyes bug out of her head. And that's okay :)

[@juliaskagfjord6207]

Hahaha. Well Courtenay says she isnt one for confrontation. Personally I find the life juice in confronting stuff, and then weighing things out against what comes up, like an exploration. Not to pin someone and hang them out to dry for their answer. It should be more fun and lighthearted, but my style is direct on dates which sometimes leads to blank faced looks, and an inability to respond much at all to my what should be thought provoking questions. So we are all different. I also agree with you on the spark thing...besides that research apparently says it should be showing up by the 5th date. We live in a time where for most its online dating and a one and done mentality...

[@seth_piano]

@@juliaskagfjord6207 I love this response :) I think it's great to ask big thought-provoking questions, and I also think it's fine if the other person just doesn't have an answer at the moment. I wish we had an easier time stumbling through the process of getting to know the other person - because the question we want to ask says something about ourselves too. But so many people are looking for red flags about EVERYTHING ("he asked me [insert off-kilter unusual question] , how dare he!"). For theoretical purposes only: What's a question YOU'd like to ask on a first date, but doesn't get the positive response you wish it did?

[@SmokeyThemadscientist]

There are different ways to handle conflict and one way I know is this tell them this mantra. " I'm sorry I have cause you pain, which made me suffer but I am here for you."

[@rjmamula]

These are never questions I would have imagined asking on a first date. Or honestly questions I will want asked. To me they all sound like job interview questions.

[@siullkallig9757]

A lot of these questions really reinforce that experience is where you find wisdom and not a PhD. Your insight, as always, is greatly valued, Courtney! Thank you.

[@joekrozel6137]

Argggh! These questions are so transactional in nature they'll just drain all the fun out of a date! How about this approach: "Hi, very nice to meet you. More than anything else I just wanted to come out tonight and have a really good time and for YOU to have a really good time too. So, for the first couple of hours, why don't we try to have a nice meal, in good company, with fun conversation. So, if you'd like to talk about hobbies, travel excursions, amusing stories about family and friends, I'd really love to hear about all that! There'll be plenty of time for more serious questions later, but for the first two hours why don't we see if we can both just relax and have some fun?"

[@simontmn]

Good attitude but I wouldn't say all that in one take 😅

[@TheBanjoShowOfficial]

I've had more casual conversation with my bank teller. What is this, a job interview for a fortune 500?

[@qasimwarsi3]

@@TheBanjoShowOfficial For real, I talk to my boss with more fun than these date questions

[@ivantheteribul]

One question I've thought of that can gauge someone's interests/desires: "If you could eat dinner with any three famous people, living or dead, who would they be and why?"

[@TheFishdoctor1952]

That is a good question. Hopefully I would have some idea as to who they were, lol.

[@sennaxisanselin3569]

I like the "what are you looking for?" question, but that's about it. I mean I can completely understand trying to learn more about your date, but you need to be mindful of how you come across too, and it's definitely not like a fun person to be around if you ask all these questions. Plus with a lot of these it feels like you're almost trying to look for what could go wrong instead of focussing on what's right or unique about the person you're with.

[@StevenKeipert]

My question would be "How big of a role does social media play in your life".

[@TheFishdoctor1952]

That or does your world revolve around your phone?

[@drummercam1]

One I like to ask: If you didn’t have to work for a living… what would you do with your time?

[@JuanMoreno-wo5yb]

If you get an honest answer is will sound like this: Eat, sleep, watch tv, tictok and some KZbinrs and not shower everyday. ❤

[@drummercam1]

@@JuanMoreno-wo5yb Well, my answer is I would play music every day, make art, and travel the world. But if somebody gave me your answer I would know they aren’t the one for me.

[@soichirohonda267]

Only one of Beethoven's sonatas (especially later ones) is enough for years to work on. Or to prepare complete Das Wohltemperierte Klavier...whole life!

[@josephstevens9888]

I agree completely... BELIEVE someone when they state what they are looking for!

[@NunyaBeezwax-xn2rj]

I love asking hypothetical questions which strike at the values of a person. One of my favorites is "what would you do if there were a giant meteor careening toward earth and you had 72 hours left?" Most of the time I find out what is really important to the woman. Does she want to party it up and drink and screw till the end? Does she want to visit her family and friends and say her goodbyes? Is she perfectly content at peace, ready to face her fate? It's a fun way to gain insight.

[@budabk]

The best gift I have received was an institution size can of pork and beans. This was from my college roommate'sfiancé who also gave me the second and third best gifts -- embroidery scissors for fine trimming of my beard and an antique Burgie Man bottle opener. After 40 years, I still have the 2nd and 3rd. She lost her marriage after 23 years.

[@ayeshak6822]

She lost her marriage? Are you saying that she's with you now?

[@budabk]

@@ayeshak6822, No. They divorced, he remarried the woman with whom he was cheating, The wife was unmarried for several years, then remarried with a maintenance worker at the university where she was a professor of math. I continue to be S/NM.

[@TheProtonSpinner]

My grandfather once told me that first dates are a "tiptoe through the tulips", a military euphemism for walking through a minefield; one wrong step, and there will be consequences. 😅

[@davidstein9129]

Courtney is probably the best overall dating question on KZbin.

[@Razear]

"Do you like me?" is a socially heedless question for a myriad of obvious reasons. If a girl is going out with you, she probably does have at least a surface-level interest since she decided to spend time with you unless it was a blind date. And the whole purpose of a first date is to get to know the other person, so the answer might not be clear until the end of the date. I can understand why you would want to gauge a potential partner's political/religious views on a first date to determine if you share similar values, but I feel like this can cause a lot of unnecessary tension and ruin the vibe because discussing contentious topics can rapidly escalate and cause the dynamic to become incredibly awkward.

[@kinglygaurav]

Thank you Courtney for saying what you did at 11:20-12:30. It is mind blowing how few people understand that! Like its crazy and jarring sometimes 😂

[@dougmccampbell1525]

I cherish my education as the most valuable gift I have ever received. It provided me with the freedom to explore my interests, entertain my talents and define my ambitions through nine years of college, Biology/Economics B.A. Econ. and Pharm.D. in Clinical Pharmacy, without a financial burden.

[@jonathanrose456]

It’s not what you ask. It’s how you ask!

[@jaredmeyers1662]

I think the best questions are ones with verifiable answers. Most of these questions you can't tell if they are being honest or not, and they may not know the answers themselves. If you ask what book has had the biggest impact on them, you can read the book in a few days and discuss it with them. If they have a good grasp of the themes of the book then you know they really read it and you learn a lot about them by the types of books they like. Hypotheticals like "what would you do with a week off" don't seem useful unless they have a week off coming up. 1. they can lie and you wouldn't know 2. they may not know They really can't think about that question very long on the date or the pause would be awkward. And if they don't have a week off in the near future, they may not have spent much time planning it. So their 30 second off the cuff answer probably doesn't isn't what they would really do when they take time to plan a real week off.

[@TheFishdoctor1952]

Yes, I could let her read my last Bassmaster Magazine and we could discuss the latest trends in electronic equipment. Even ask her to bring a picture of her boat.

[@goldenwarrior5664]

Divorced. Dated 40 years ago Your channel helps alot . THANKS

[@NickDrinksWater]

One of my go to first questions, is if the person likes drinking water.

[@NickDrinksWater]

These bots really like me lol

[@maryf5337]

"How do you handle conflict?" and eluding to political interests are probably the single best predictors of relationship satisfaction.

[@kevinstonerock3158]

I’d be interested in learning what makes her face just light up as she talks to me. Being willing to share her interests as well as sharing them with me would be a great start to a relationship.

[@bittersweetindustryexecutive]

Maybe a better way to go about asking 'How do you handle conflict?' - and most of the 'formal' questions on this list - is to simply give your own perspective first and then bounce the ball back to them. Like, "I'm the type of guy who would throw a tantrum over you even suggesting something that I absolutely don't like., like what ice cream I should try, for example." "If you were to suggest a certain flavour and I DON'T like it, I would totally lose it." Then say, "Just kidding". And then continue by saying, "but seriously though, have you ever experienced a man behave like this?" "And how would you react if I were to really do this?" This a way more casual and fun way of 'adressing' the same topic. Cheers!✌

[@renemontenegro6143]

Everytime I see Ryan's video I thank god I live overseas and live like a king! I feel bad for all them western males so sorry guys

[@ArthursAtman]

the best gift I've ever gotten was a book: these people knew me so well they sent me home after a dinner party with an incredible book--absolute gems these folks. The only gifts I received from girlfriends were clothes that made me look more presentable, for HER to stand next to...really had nothing to do with me per se

[@alexviolett]

These are all good and reasonable questions, but they should definitely be spread over several dates. I think the purpose of the first date is to understand whether you would like to go on a second date, and a good question to ask yourself would be "how much information from this person can I handle, supposed we might never see each other again?" I think the conversation on the first date should really revolve just around the person in front of you, what they are doing at the moment, what are their hobbies, what is their education. Questions about family and their relationships with other could really be saved for later dates

[@ArthursAtman]

You are very kind Courtney, thanks for your thoughts--they are helpful to this poor bastard of a man who needs such advice

[@vargasgaming1112]

I think instead of asking if they can compromise a better question would be to ask if they have siblings and see how they react if they do. How well someone gets along with their siblings can tell you everything you need to know about how well they compromise

[@danielizquierdo113]

This is good advice

[@steveh.7664]

Ask about what fun activities they do when with friends or family, or questions like this, keep it light-hearted. Generally questions like this, has given me the red flag moments without directly asking some of the questions listed above in video. Some of these questions are too formal and may turn off a potential great partner who just wants a relaxing conversation.

[@mixedmattaphors]

1. "So, who's paying?" 2. "Can anyone get some good service, around here?" 3. "Do you have to leave a tip?" 4. "Who do you think the hottest waitress is?" 5. "Hey, how old are you?" 6. "Did you hear about any jobs, in the area?" 7. "How many friends do you have, so we can match them up with all my friends?" 8. "Have you ever smelled how bad it Smells, in Foot Locker?" 9. "How many times have you seen the new Marvel movie, yet?" 10. "Would you be my for-real, girlfriend?"

[@abkeener81]

Hi, Courtney! Andrew Keener here. The best gift I ever got ... likely when my brother (only sibling), sister-in-law (in-law for documentation only), niece, and nephew came to visit me the day before Father's Day (in the United States) 2021. My sister-in-law, niece, and nephew brought chalk (there's a chalkboard placard outside each apartment in the building where I live. They drew on it. I still have that artwork up. Not really a gift, but. I also probably call my Momma and Dad a lot. So, likely talk to them for sure. I also have a Filipina aunt (widow of one of my Momma's brothers) in Indiana. She and I text and talk sometimes. My Momma's remaining brother (retired California Highway Patrol) and I text and talk sometimes too. I also text my brother and sister-in-law too. But definitely my parents. My brother and I share the same parents. Momma and Dad are still married to each other. Since May of 1980. If that makes me a momma's boy ... I'm cool with it. When was on dating apps ... sometimes I would ask tell me something about you that I wouldn't be able to find out by looking at your profile.

[@mason3297]

These questions will get you ghosted and you will never get a second date. Don’t ever ask about politics or about another relationship you had. If the girl is talking about her ex a lot just move on she’s still in love with him.

[@ChrisRobbins1231]

5 of my go to questions on a hypothetical date: 1- What was your favorite class in school? This can be a really good jumping off point (do you still like it now, what did you like about it, etc.) but also in itself say quite a bit about them too. If they say Gym class, they’re probably into physical activity and/or fitness, if they say Drama class they’re probably really into Theater, etc. 2- Where is one place you would most like to visit in your lifetime? Firstly this can be a great question for a long term relationship and if your memory is great it can give you an early idea for a honeymoon or holiday vacation trip, etc., but also it could say a lot about the things they value too. If they say New York City maybe they value Theater and Broadway, or if they say Florida maybe they care about warm weather and enjoy the summer time, or if they say Paris or Rome they may value Culture and Cuisine/Food, if they say something like Russia I might get a little bit concerned since despite my love of learning and being inquisitive (sometimes to a fault) I’m not overly into the whole daring and mysterious vibe. I like adventurous, but there’s a little bit of a line for me. 3- What is one thing that you love about yourself? I feel like for me, this is a great question to help them feel a bit more confident and secure if they’re feeling nervous, gives them the chance to talk themselves up, but also may show what they might be looking for in me as a partner. If they say my favorite thing about myself is my Intelligence, then that may signal they’re looking to see if I’m intelligent enough for them. It also gives you an insight into what they may like to be complimented on. If they say their favorite thing about themselves is that they’re a hard worker, it’s more meaningful to compliment them on how well they performed at work, for example. And MOST importantly, it’s also a little bit of an ego and vibe check. If they say their favorite thing about themselves is that they’re sneaky or mischievous or something like that- probably not a fit for me. Or if they’re like Oh my god I love how humble I am and how I’m never egotistical and self centered and I never act like I’m the best and I hate talking about myself and I just hate people who are egocentric and everything because I’m totally not like that, etc. you can get a feeling for how they actually are too. 4- What is one thing you learned this week? One thing that personally matters to me in my life a LOT is a love and hunger for learning and personal growth. I always strive to be trying to learn something new, even if it’s a minute, minuscule, small detail. It can really say a lot about our personal fit together for me personally how much she shares that passion, but also could be a sign of intelligence more generally. Most importantly though, I think it’s a sign of humility. One of my life mottos is that it’s really important to know how much you don’t know. So if she comes out with an answer like Nothing (for either reason either because she did literally nothing to learn anything all week or she’s a know it all) it’s not gonna work. Or if she says 5 billion things, then that’s probably a sign that MIGHT point towards lacking that intelligence previously on the worst side of things or on the better side of things is she may be just trying to impress me and just feels like she needs to do that which may indicate a level of insecurity there. 5- What is an animal that you see part of yourself in? For one, this can be a great way to judge what someone thinks of their personality in a more indirect way than Question 3 in the sense that this leaves things a bit more broad and you’re not pigeon-holing them into talking about their one favorite thing they like the most and forcing that decision making process to click. It’s also a little bit more light hearted and allows for a more fun conversation topic, but a negative answer could also be telling. For example, if someone says they think they’re like a jungle cat (like a Tiger or something) that can be a bit intimidating and daunting in some ways depending on how they explain the answer, while if someone says a Dove or Swan, that could be almost the opposite and be like the first thing you think of yourself being is peaceful? That seems a bit of an oversell at best and at worst is a downright lie.

[@ChrisRobbins1231]

My short answers (without explanations) to these just for fun: 1- History 2- Paris, France 3- My Passion for Learning 4- Andrew Johnson was 1 vote shy of being removed from office after his impeachment. 5- Cardinals.

[@lindsayk40]

It my greatest fear to be asked these general “could you be in a reality show” questions. I am not boring but if I get, what is your favorite band, book, secret talent….they will get a “next question” from me. I enjoyed your advice.

[@quinceywynn-mitchell6085]

These questions were very helpful and opened up ideas for my own questions. Thank you.🌺

[@svtben]

Yeah, a lot of these questions are too job-interview-like. My best question to ask is about their travels. Where they've been, the farthest they've been to, their last destination, their favorite places, etc. There's always stories behind people's travels and sweet spot moments to share.

[@Dseated]

Best present: bristolboard presentation of our dates over the last year and all the things my partner appreciates about me.

[@stephenmantovani8789]

Given me a lot of background knowledge. Many thanks.

[@abstract-thoughts]

Many of these questions are ridiculous for a first date lol. Politics? Handling conflict? relationship compatibility questions? Best to observe actions rather than going off their answers. These could change the date mood quickly for the worse. I like to keep things light, playful, and ask get to know you questions, but not controversial or relationship type questions.

[@Lucasbreed]

Fr I was searching for this comment

[@iamjuan6762]

Well I can’t really tell if some people are lying these days because they’re so good at it. So it’s better to hire your friends and make up a situation to test them.

[@JohnnyinCLE]

Sad, but true... Interviewing sets a template, but you won't know much about a person, unless you get a second opinion, it seems...

[@deanthroop8054]

Instead of playing games with a potential partner, why not hire your friends to help you practice conversation, or after the first date plan a double date to get a second opinion?

[@englandhall5316]

😂😂 dam that’s sad because it’s actually true

[@danielsantiago8146]

You can only lie for 30 minutes. If the conversation goes longer for atleaste two hours they expose themselves. I give women one date, if I dislike what they have to say then I pay the bill and never have to see them again.

[@wrongplanet1957]

They have always lied, I've dated since 4th grade. She was sweat but never said a word, next one 6th grade steady, 5th. She never said a word, but we walked to classes next to each other each break, , 7th, grade, gf, lies n secrets. Then on all lies and secrets, tho shalt not judge, none of us are perfect, you gotta kick some tires n some will go flat right then on top of your foot, n others you'll bounce off off notice and firm, risk it , it's not if it's when, no reason to lie they just , have soooo many reasons to lie

[@LightsCameraJake]

"How long do you plan on staying at this company, I mean with me?" "Do you plan on leaving me if you make more money than me to find a man that out earns you?" These are very important questions to ask for motive on if she likes you for you or your dollar amount.

[@Summer-in8cs]

Wtf this is an awful question to ask 💀

[@gooseberristic]

I'm not sure... to me many of these questions are quite heavy for the first date. Or they still feel like a job interview. There are some good ones (e.g. if you had a week off - how would you spend it etc.) but on the whole.... I would spread these questions across 2-3 dates + added a few more light-hearted ones.

[@gfrerking]

Several questions I've asked recently that were fun - and I intentionally asked them in a playful manner - things that were contrasty and controversial - "iPhone or Android"... "toilet paper over or under"... with my most recent (and current) date, we agreed on these, but I was ready to tease and banter a bit if we didn't. I asked her how many pumpkin spice products were in her house right now (it's that time of year) - again, a question that can spur on a ton of fun conversation no matter how she answers... and I asked her (this was mid-October) "do you have ANY Christmas decorations up yet?" (she didn't) - again, fun stuff that could be the basis of ongoing banter and/or a private "inside joke" between the two of us that could continue for weeks, months or even years. She caught on to what I was doing and came back to me with a "OK... here's one... and this could seriously be a deal breaker... does pineapple belong on pizza?" - and I responded "I don't know if I'd use the word 'belong' but I can tell you that I've had some damn good pizza with pineapple on it"... and she teasingly made a big deal out of it (so she's anti-pineapple)... so I responded with "well, look at it this way, that gives you a free pass to like something that I don't... like pickles... you probably like pickles, don't you? you are free to have my pickle any time" (honestly this was *not* a pre-planned double entendre, but we both laughed and it worked). Great conversation, and we're off to a great start.

[@nonenone3089]

Wow this sounds more like an interview than a first date. With all these questions on a first date will send a man running. First date is about having fun together and do you have a good vibe. The second date or future talks will be the time for all these questions.

[@brettiansmith1758]

The best gift was from God, my son. 💙

[@robdaly3915]

The question: how do you handle conflict?--- is an important one; but more important is that "I don't know" does not always lead us to think that they cant handle it-- just that they may recognise that not every conflict demand a particular response. in other words, not every conflict require the same measured response.

[@larsf.4756]

I would use these questions sparingly, as they are deep questions, and you will need to counterbalance them with small-talk. For example, the question of what matters to a person requires some degree of self-awareness. I could go on for 10 minutes as to why certain things matter to me, and how my priorities have changed over the years. While this is meaningful, it may not be a particularly fun exercise.

[@JuanMoreno-wo5yb]

Let the other person dominate the conversation; ask good questions and follow up questions without saying much only listening and making eye contact. Your follow up questions can be based on something the other person said so they will know you are listening. ❤

[@larsf.4756]

@@JuanMoreno-wo5yb This is tricky balance. You can be too good of a listener, and your date just dumps on you. If you don't take care of the lighthearted and fun aspects during the date, being a good listener can be a path straight into the friendzone.

[@Donisgood4]

1st date have zero expectations and you can’t be disappointed

[@rjmamula]

Not much dating experience but I would think on a first date let the conversation go where it goes.

[@TedGriffiths-d1u]

Absolutely not....get bank statements....credit score...and if possible medical and any court records

[@Jasemathison]

I asked all of them throughout a date or over multiple dates. The questions should reflect what you are looking for in someone. As for changing them don't try, no matter how long in a relationship if she originally said she doesn't want a relationship and you do walk away.

[@jedibusiness66]

Doesn’t matter if you get ghosted after the second date.

[@danielracovitan9779]

and getting ghosted after a machine-gunning with such heavy questions is almost certain

[@Ace-tu2is]

I am going to have all these questions on index cards and ask in rapid fire succession within a five minute speed dating period. Whomever can answer the most questions "correctly" wins.

[@BWater-yq3jx]

What are you looking for? I HATE that question. Car salesmen ask this. People are not cars. If I meet a lovely girl for a cup of coffee or whatever, I'm taking things as they come. Maybe we just have an enjoyable chat, maybe we find there's something more there. But don't try and pin me down so you can categorise where my interest should go. And in any case, women will say they're looking for one thing and then do the opposite. Worse than a waste of time, this question.

[@artsifam2761]

One thing that worked well… our first dates, I would ask a set of 36 questions we both had to answer. 3 dates later, a particular beautiful woman and I talked for 8 hours going through John Gottman’s “36 Questions That Can Lead to Love”. Fast forward 3 years and I am still with the love of my life. We married in October 23rd, 2023! Disclaimer: If you are not prepared to be vulnerable enough to answer the 36 questions honestly, you probably are not ready to date with the purpose of long term partnership. If can be vulnerable enough though, there is a strong likelihood that these questions will either help you quickly decide you are’t right for each other, or you will QUICKLY fall in love.

[@brianthesnail3815]

The every best job interview I had was being asked to tell my life story from birth. Every detail. Its impossible to make up or fake your life story. It so easy to do and it prompts easy natural questions on the way. I got the job. I am 40 years beyond dating but I got to know my wife and she got to know me in that level of detail before we even went on a date.

[@JuanMoreno-wo5yb]

Sorry but there is not enough time left in my life to tell my life story in detail! That would be boring for most anyone with a conscious and I wouldn’t want to make anyone suffer! I would rather just make something up which is short and interesting! ❤

[@svtben]

HAHAHA!! Really? I would just say, "Buy my memoir in Barnes and Noble. I'll let you know when it's out." ;)

[@ilyafilru]

Thanks, Courtney. I went on a first date today. It was better than I thought. I'm a skydiving instructor, so I took her on a skydive.

[@pacmanfanable]

Just went on a first date last week. I’ll add some of these to the second date soon!