15 Men Reveal Their Biggest Struggles With Dating & Relationships

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[@chaosblade5906]

Dating for women is like shopping, dating for men is like job interviewing.

[@user-cz5lj2vx1f]

ZING! Heartbreaking to hear--but, probably more true than I realized.

[@chenugent]

Even getting an offer for an interview is near impossible, its like applying for 100s of jobs and getting ignored by everyone

[@mattlericain]

People who say "you'll find someone" are just people who are already in relationships and don't have much help to offer

[@M.C.ThomasReviews]

I’m so glad you addressed point #3. The amount of times you hear “you’ll find someone!” or “she’s out there!” is so aggravating. It’s always a well-intentioned statement, but it’s like going to a homeless person and saying, “don’t worry, there’s food out there!”

[@AnonymousProPublicaHakr]

It’s a microaggression statement from the victims themselves. They don’t actually want that for you. They are afraid to say the truth.

[@novaseline4u]

The old "There's someone for everyone".BZZZZZZT! Wrong! There is someone for most, but not everyone. That is a BS statement, usually said to try to make an unattractive person feel better.

[@retro_crasher]

She's out there! Totally, when I work in a manufacturing plant where the only women is the wife of the manager, go to school online, and don't go to the bar.

[@MikeyP109]

The "every pot has a lid" fallacy. I dare anyone to check their cupboard. I bet you have an extra pot.

[@jameslebeau7078]

If someone tells you this and they get cancer one day, tell them "don't worry, I'm sure they'll find a cure any day now!"

[@Spider-Ranger2000]

My biggest struggle is I don’t have a lot of experience. I can’t even get a girl to like me, much less find a girl who’s single.

[@Johnwickslittlebrother]

Don't give up! Keep moving forward and staying positive. You will find the right lady for you. Peace be with you and have a nice day! 🙂

[@drip369]

Well you could definitely use some refreshing mindset changes like instead of saying you can't get a girl to like you you should say you can't find a girl that likes you because using the word get implies you are working for it and you shouldn't have to work for it because it will never work. You have to choose those who choose you and invest in those who invest in you and there might even be some out there that like you but you have no idea what to look for while still thinking you have to go out and earn her desire instead of letting it be natural. Does that make sense?

[@drip369]

@@Johnwickslittlebrother 5:48

[@Spider-Ranger2000]

@@drip369 you’re right. I related to Courtney’s 5th point. Sometimes I feel like everything I say is self-sabotaging. I struggle with communication and it’s just a character flaw I’ve always had. Plus, I don’t have very many friends and don’t get out much.

[@theadmiral4625]

What girl is gonna want a man-child who identifies as a Power Ranger? After Courtney, go watch Wes Watson, do some burpees, and watch your balls drop. Hit puberty harder than it hit you………

[@lohi172]

Thanks for acknowledging that the woman needs to contribute to the conversation. I’m cool with making plans, paying, holding the door open, etc but I can’t stand when she barely asks me any questions about my life and I have to lead the entire conversation.

[@brianthesnail3815]

Conversation should flow naturally. I encourage anyone to meet people through friends and family and get to know someone first before a date even happens. Also avoid nightclubs and dating sites. They are just a pretty horrible cattle market.

[@poeticeclipse]

This is just a sign someone isn’t interested and that you have to move on. That person isn’t worth dating anyway. It’s not even a loss because they’d be hard to date.

[@abbyxiong3931]

Yeah. It usually is someone that doesn't have a lot of interest in you. I mean if there is someone they find interesting they will talk.

[@obbzerver]

There's a high likelihood it's because she doesn't have anything to contribute, isn't a fundamentally interesting person. She might have concluded you're a hard "no" within a minute of meeting you and all you are to her is a free dinner - there are lots of women who do that. Dating is a diversion that comes with a meal plan. Eventually she'll meet some guy to become her lifetime of free dinners.

[@iBuyBitcoin]

If you have to force the convo, she’s not the one, drop that hoe

[@richardthomas598]

When I was younger, the single largest challenge -- and one I failed to overcome -- was the way our culture programs women to believe the grass is always greener. I was always disposable. This is something that was later confirmed for me by some of those women, in some frank heart to hearts that came once we were all divorced and middle aged. I don't imagine that has changed much. Listening to things, it may have gotten worse. It seems to be a widespread problem among young women, and some never grow out of it.

[@foxtrotunit1269]

Dating Apps make women think they have greater options (they can be reached by more top males). What most of those top males want to do is use them in hookups and dump them. The women don't know that the first few times (they think they screwed up somehow) - so they keep ignoring the "lesser" offers from the other 90% of men.

[@MisterMunkki]

It is pretty bad because it's not just culture, it's a really deep biological drive, the male really is just more expandable, that's just how it is; but cultures that don't actively discourage seeing people like this tend to become unbearable for a lot of people caught in it :(

[@electrifyingct4303]

​@MisterMunkki Men are instructed and expected and lectured to monitor, master, and control their deep biological drive.... why are women not instructed, expected, or lectured to monitor, master, and control their deep biological drive?

[@therealstunbmun]

Unfortunately, this is just how Human Biology has wired females. As much as it sucks (and Good Grief! It does!), it's one of the huge reasons why Humans, as a species, have been so successful. That stated. Dating apps and social media have created a very socially unhealthy environment for female hypergamy to run wild. It's growing into an unhealthy dynamic in actual society, where the future is more polygamous with Men most asymmetrically affected by it. It's happening now and Men have grown passively resentful. What happens when the young men left out become actively resentful? It's not good for society and it Women will be the once most asymmetrically affected then

[@AnonymousProPublicaHakr]

it’s because these people are chronically online. Also, they get sucked down the rabbit hole by feminist propaganda that isn’t real that just makes everybody angry.

[@ajtaylor8750]

The first one couldn't be more true. The mind games that some women play in the dating arena is just too much, and unless I was Professor X from the X-Men I can't read a woman's mind. A woman will like you, but is "afraid" for you to know or for someone else to know and that to me is just dumb.

[@CourtneyRyan]

😂 the greatest superpower of all lol

[@Fenrir190]

Ran into my share of that on the market. Best thing you can do is not waste time on them. If someone isn't willing to be upfront with their feelings for you, don't bother developing any for them. Keep doing you. Because if I had my pick of superpowers, I'd much rather be Franklin Richards aka Powerhouse. Telekinesis seems too boring to me

[@tehlaziness]

Im pretty sure if Xavier tried to read a modern western woman's mind, his brain would explode from the immediate deluge of sheer madness

[@CatGamer-wc2ij]

I know women. Tell them what I know. Doesn't matter, because even though they can't adjust themselves and I am right, it doesn't matter at all.

[@mooseyman74]

Look like Wolverine and you won't have to care

[@matthewroth1]

Many of these struggles seem to stem from men trying to act more traditionally because that is what society and women generally expect of them, only to be met with a modern woman who is seemingly the antithesis of this. This leads to male fears of being labeled toxic, having an "ick," being too pushy, not being pushy enough (not taking "the lead" or having low confidence), and not opening up (but when we do it's used against us), and so on and so forth. As men, we are confused, so rather than play the game and try to figure it out, we back out and focus on ourselves instead. Yes, it's sad, you can consider it a defeatist mentality, but a heart/mind can only be thrown around so many times before it just says, "No, for my health, I'm done." That's why #3 is the sneakiest big one; because by every metric we've observed, what is there to be optimistic about?

[@JACQUEZJOHNSON23]

Perfectly said

[@JimCastleberry]

Bingo! Feminism has poisoned women and modern western culture, producing toxic, entitled self-absorbed narcissists. Of course, there are enough feminized, betas willing to simp these narcs, but it doesn't bode well for the survival of western civ.

[@yigitalrich583]

You really nailed it.

[@poeticeclipse]

I’m curious what defines a modern woman and are you meeting 30 women a year to say “every woman is a modern woman?” I inquire because while I absolutely would say I’m a feminist, I’m not an extremist. I date men who believe in feminism. They still hold doors open for me, pay on dates sometimes, and take the lead to plan dates. Just because I’d like equal pay doesn’t mean I don’t want a gentleman, and I think most women these days would say the same thing.

[@gmoneymac23]

@@poeticeclipse Then, you're not a feminist. And, you do make equal, if not more, pay FOR THE SAME JOB. Otherwise, every company would fire men and only hire women. You think Ford or Google or hospitals are saying, "Team, let's pay our male engineers/surgeons MORE when we could, instead, find QUALIFIED women and pay them much LESS. That sounds like a great strategy for our operating expenses and shareholders. Time for a coffee break. See all you misogynists in 15 minutes." 🤦‍♂

[@aloharover5980]

I laughed at the "I am 35 and starting over". Almost 60 and just had a 30 year marriage end. Talk about a new world.

[@user-cz5lj2vx1f]

Me, too--and I am a woman who's as horrified as men are by what dating is like now

[@dubplatenate]

9. Women in Europe are far more amicable when it comes to dating. They make an effort. North American women expect a magician, comedian and philanthropist to be at the date.

[@jameslebeau7078]

Modern dating is like going on several job interviews that cost a lot of money as well as time planning, and if you're successful and get married you get a coin toss at losing half your wealth.

[@admirbarucija2018]

I think my biggest struggles with dating are lack of genuine opportunities to meet women and the challenges of approaching. I worry about not upsetting people and sometimes don’t end up even making an effort

[@valentingartner3793]

I had the same problem because I always wanted to be see as a nice gentleman type guy. You have to learn to overcome your fear of upsetting other people. Here’s an exercise for you, worked wonders for me: Approach a girl and actively try to get rejected. Go out of your way to get a bad response. It’s harder than you think, but you have to go though with it.

[@jie386]

I find #8 extremely easy to relate to, not only is it difficult to find places where single women frequent but likewise, having an opening is extremely rare. There seems to be no "dropped handkerchief" moment anymore, a wealth of girls either have a permanent frown on their face and look occupied, are engaged in an activity where it would be rude to interject or are literally in a circle with their friends to ward off men in social settings. Irrespective of how much I focus on my life, work, health and home, having minimal opportunities present themselves is difficult when it comes to meeting people organically off apps 😓

[@Kashban]

I found supermarkts to be a great place to talk to women, as there is always a way to comment on her groceries (compared to yours f.e.) or any other comment about stuff that is around you. I get my best results by being kinda ironic about who got the more healthy groceries at the checkout. When covid hit, women became very bold themselves to hit on guys to cope with their loneliness, one followed me around and placed herself besides me fiddling with goods, so it was obvious she wanted to be talked too. Another one intentionally bumped into me three times with her cart to start a conversation.

[@evan12697]

PREACH like theres never just one and not looking busy its always a gaggle and its not like you can sideline just one or walk up to a group and go "you" its just dead out there. And every single place is a goddamn sausagefest

[@Fenrir190]

The toxic positivity bit is the major issue for me. Usually when phrases like "finding the one" are used, it's meant as finding one person who will check every single box. This creates an environment where people are quick to leave over the dumbest of things. Conflict resolution and communication skills are practically non existent as a result. It's more realistic to find someone that compliments you and y'all can work on covering each other's weaknesses. My gf hates cooking but loves cleaning to point of it being fun. I'm the exact opposite. Cooking is peaceful to me. I'm glad more balanced content like this exists to actually help men get the results they actually want.

[@VideoGameRoom32]

Most men have the slightest clue when a woman gives him hints that she likes him. She communicates indirectly and just assumes a man will get it. Where us men will be direct about it and let her know we like her.

[@BrianWaller-qe7gr]

No we get it but because we were wrong the last 9 times were aren’t going to get fooled again.

[@Cee_Eff]

I got so used to seeing the "stinky eye" /"don't get anywhere closer look" that I have completely lost sight of a "come hither look" . The few times I did get a "come hither look", it was a false signals/prank.

[@user-og2wt3le4j]

Number 8: Figuring out where to meet someone. The best advice is to get off social media and online dating sites. I have found some unusual places to meet people. Volunteering is a good place to meet people who have empathy towards others. If someone gives time to causes it shows the person has some good qualities. I have also met people through public lectures. My local university hosts public lectures once per month on various topics. There is a social afterwards where you can chat. I have attended Toastmasters clubs in the past too. There you can learn about public speaking skills but will meet people you would never have met otherwise. And depending on the club there can be a lot of singles. Another suggestion would be book clubs. Most book clubs are dominated by women, many of them single.

[@user-cz5lj2vx1f]

Great advice! (For men & women).

[@Techjunkie51]

That one person in her video said they only get a date about every 3-6 months… I haven’t had one in over two years 😂

[@TywinLannister0]

fucking depressing.

[@TheLordNikon]

My "meeting style" for women I may be interested in is to get to know them first...to understand how I might feel about them, this often puts me in a friend zone and they lose interest or I then come off as weird when I try to move things towards relationships. I rarely find someone I just vibe with right away and more often than not, the people I don't take my time with, don't end up staying in my life.

[@swellendamtwitcher2769]

You're being to feminine. Women like to pull that trick so they can get male orbiters. What you need to do is hookup and have fun, over time you will discover if the rest of the connection is genuine. You're volunteering to be friendzoned if you do it your way (i've been down that path myself)

[@evan12697]

same

[@marcuss7617]

My biggest pain is falling in love with a close friend who was going through a divorce. I expressed my feelings only to be told that she doesn’t plan on dating or getting into a relationship after getting a divorce. Days later….she on dating apps. Biggest hit to my self esteem ever that I’m still working through.

[@stevethomas74]

Oh man, the ole' "I just can't see myself dating anyone' only to then go and do EXACTLY that. Been there, friend AND with someone that I truly felt a lot for too. It doth suck.

[@smoadia85]

Have you told her how contradicting she is to the point it could be construed as lying? I can see this is gonna create a big rift in your friendship with her, and probably for the better for you.

[@bretbuckley704]

This is something I had to learn the hard way after my first relationship ended several years ago, and with a handful of other women I was interested in in the past. Anytime a woman says "I'm too busy and don't have time for a relationship/ I want to stay single for a while and focus on myself" they are LYING. Women are ALWAYS looking for the next guy, even if they say they're not. Every last woman I knew that played that line ended up with another guy within a few weeks to a month after saying it. Every time without fail. Once they meet these other guys all of a sudden their "super busy" schedule conveniently frees up and they *now* they "have time" for a relationship...yeah, no. It's basically a bullshitty round-about way of them saying they want to date, but not with you. Unless their idea of "staying single for a while" is a laughably short amount of time. To me staying intentionally single for "a while" is like a year or so. Not 3 weeks to a month. 9.9/10 times, women are never genuine about wanting to being single for extended periods of time.

[@marcuss7617]

@@smoadia85 i did. Alot went down. we are no longer friends.

[@daniellehotsky1776]

I had a friend who I really liked, beatiful girl. We even kissed one evening, but she told me that she wants to be alone right now. Which I had to respect of course. After next two weeks I found out she is already in long more less serious realtionship with another guy. My already low self esteem went way belong under zero then. Women just tell the complete BS sometimes only to avoid accounatbility and they don't care how you feel at all and are even capable accusing you from situation. Crazy b*tches. (not all of them)

[@bones1active]

Legit had a girl told me “if she likes me you’ll know” and I still don’t know and I’ve had times where her actions scream she likes me and told me no so I REALLY AM NOT AURE

[@TywinLannister0]

Tell the women to be direct and that you can't read a women's mind. Stop playing mind games and being childish AND BE DIRECT. No one will understand the indirect ques to knowing if someone likes you right. So Telling them directly is better long term.

[@stevenwallace773]

That's the thing. Dating isn't fun at all. It's time consuming, expensive, emotionally taxing, and generally just a loathsome burden. Granted it's a necessary burden if you want an eventual relationship, but the dating part is certainly not "fun" in the slightest.

[@NutritionIan]

I disagree, I think if you can’t have fun on a date with someone than you probably won’t have much fun in a relationship with them either.

[@chaddaniel254]

@@NutritionIan This will depend on a large part to your personality. I am a rather reserved person and on the introverted side. I love to hang out with people I am comfortable with. But the actual dating part, getting to know them, trying to figure out how they will respond to you, that part is no fun at all.

[@moleahy6880]

@@NutritionIan I think you're talking about a date itself rather than the process. Dating for most women is quite easy but very burdensome for men. We're the ones expected to do all of the asking, all of the courting, all of the planning, and all of the paying. The only reason to endure that drudgery is for a pot of gold to be waiting for you at the end of it. And by pot of gold I mean a loyal loving high quality relationship worthy woman you are seriously vetting for marriage. If you haven't found that or you have no interest in marrying, then you've just been wasting your time, energy, and money.

[@AnonymousProPublicaHakr]

on a date when you get asked what your political view and your astrology sign is no matter what you say it won’t be good enough. Back before the feminist propaganda was pushed the questions were what are your hobbies where do you like to travel what kind of music you listen to and then they could relate.

[@moleahy6880]

@@AnonymousProPublicaHakr You shouldn't be dating either a Feminist or a Progressive so screen those out before you waste your time going on that date.

[@TheDSasterX]

Was at the club the other day wallflowering so as to keep a respectful distance and not be creepy, even though there were way more women than men there. At one point someone who I assumed to be maybe a gay crossdresser/trans man (no judgement, I just didn't know them prior) started talking me up and they were the only one I talked to that whole night and it was so nice. It was candid, relaxing, and we complimented each other a bit and tbh in the moment, I kinda wished that I was into him. Afterwards I just thanked him for giving me the light of day and went home only a little bit less sad and lonely than I would have otherwise been.

[@valentingartner3793]

Same with me but with a gay dude.

[@insubordinateandchurlish_]

Ask all the chicks to dance

[@TheDSasterX]

@@insubordinateandchurlish_ See now, aside from my obviously stellar-sick dance moves, I don't think I could bear to be so presumptuous as to assume they'd want to. Giving a dozen girls the ick before finding one who was receptive just feels sooo... gawd idk narcissistic? I know I know, girls love someone with confidence and someone who takes charge, but they also hate people who are cocky and being approached by people they don't want attention from and until I'm sufficiently drunk to not care, I'm probably not going to put myself before them...

[@joelhensley9083]

I dated a lot & had a lot of fun dating in my teenage years & 20's. Then I got into a serious relationship that lasted 7 years, ending in 2010. A shame, but that's life. I had started my 30's by then, & I'd say the 2 biggest problems that I've had dating are 1) There are no women out there (I know, everyone is going to disagree with me, but still can't seem to show me the ladies), & 2) Dating stopped being fun, but became a job interview & work. And let me just say that when I was 30, so from about 28 (still in a relationship) until about 35, I was in the best shape of my life & the most successful I'd ever been before. Most people say to work on yourself right? At my best, there was no one around, which further proves my first point. Anyway, like I said, no longer fun. And I started wondering if maybe dating is fun when your young & gets progressively not fun the older you get. I decided that it was a culture thing. We're just no longer fun as a society. Anyway, I woke up one morning & decided that I didn't have to go through this any more. I had a choice. To keep banging my head against the wall, or go my own way. So, I retired from dating around 30, & it's probably been the best decision I've ever made. You have to look at your life & find what benefits you & keep it, & find what doesn't benefit you & get rid of it.

[@Kashban]

I hear you... Funny thing about this is: Once you become indifferent to women, they pile up like moths around a bright light.

[@joelhensley9083]

Yeah, all the undesirable ones. Or that may just be my curse.

[@samcotten2416]

So exhausted of trying to figure out how to play a game that I already know in advance is rigged against me

[@JACQUEZJOHNSON23]

perfectly said

[@Harikejn]

Important things: 1:23 First Thing - Not Being Able To Figure Out What The Other Person Is Thinking; 3:10 Second Thing - Finding The Energy To Date Again After A Breakup; 5:31 Third Thing - Dealing With Optimists; 6:43 Fourth Thing - Keeping It From Feeling Repetitive; 8:28 Fifth Thing - Making An Effort And Getting Little In Return; 10:43 Sixth Thing - Trying To Meet Nice People; 11:43 Seventh Thing - Having To Open Up All Over Again; 13:46 Eight Thing - Figuring Out Where To Meet Someone; 15:25 Ninth Thing - Finding In Difficult To Take The Lead; 17:40 Tenth Thing - Being Ghosted; 18:16 Eleventh Thing - Being Emotionally Vulnerable; 20:24 Twelfth Thing - Finding The Time; 22:28 Thirteenth Thing - Figuring Out If It's Love Or Friendship; 24:16 Fourteenth Thing - Being Short; 26:23 Fifteenth Thing - Meeting The Right One; and 28:04 to summarize all the told here. The additional thing can be also this one. And that is Sixteenth Thing - Accepting The Person The Way They Are. We all have our faults, and virtues that we possess (we do some other things good, some bad, etc). But the most important is that we aligned with crucial life things, and also life goals as well. Of course in relationships when we work together, the faults might even vanish (believe it or not). When I was listening to you Courtney I remembered few quotes that I have reed somewhere. And they go like this: 1. Robin Williams once told this thing: "It's not the worst thing when you are alone. The worst thing is when you're in society that makes you feel lonely." 2. Vladeta Jerotić once told this thing: "Those people who love solitude are those people who have paid dearly for someone's presence in society." 3. Žarko Laušević (one actor who passed away a couple of days. R.I.P. legend. Thank you for all legend) once told this thing: "If you are going through a difficult period in your life, and you wonder where God is now..... Remember that the teacher is silent during the test." 4. Nebojša Glogovac once told this thing: "No matter how hard you try around people, it's simply not enough for some people." 5. Patriarch Paul once told this thing: "Everyone is wondering how to be special, but no one is wondering how to be an ordinary person. And being an ordinary person is achieved only by special people". 6. Patriarch Paul also once told this thing: "It will be better, when we are feeling better."

[@Bloodcurling]

Do you like attention?

[@Harikejn]

@@Bloodcurling Do you like attention? Since you're already giving it as well (either you write hate comments, or support comments). And you should study that algorithm to know how it works.

[@MessageInABottle869]

”Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they are never weakness.” - Dr. Brene Brown

[@brianthesnail3815]

My two young adult sons say the biggest problem is the laundry list young women bring with them and being a princess. My eldest has now found a young woman who is highly educated, no issues, professional career and brings a solid half to the relationship. Very compatible My youngest son totally struggling to find anyone to be interested in dating him and he is intelligent, great professional career ahead of him, educated, cultured, very fit and well toned, nice looking, interesting and a good man to be with and talk to, cooks, cleans, 5' 10'. He has so much going for him. One woman did ask him out to dinner, split the bill, good evening and then ghosted him. Weird.

[@onethree123d]

If she did all of that which most women won't do meaning she was really interested then the problem is probably him

[@kevinc1593]

Happy Thanksgiving Courtney, I’m thankful for all you do for us.

[@CourtneyRyan]

The feeling is mutual! Thank you my friend! 🥰 happy Thanksgiving!

[@JDoomhauer87]

36 year old single dad (no Co-parent) :Finding childcare and also a woman that understands when I can’t find childcare. That’s my biggest dating struggle.

[@jans724]

Single dad as well and therefore I'm done with dating. When I realised that it was actually liberating.

[@swalesdevices8876]

@@jans724I don't mean this as some kind of "gotcha", but I'm interested more as a social phenomenon. Why do you think that you (and a lot of other people who feel the same way as you do) watch dating/sex/relationships videos? Is dating so prevalent in the culture that you can't let go?

[@jans724]

@@swalesdevices8876 I can't speak for others but I often watch youtube videos when I am alone and eat. It's instead of tv. A few times I have watched this Courtney Ryan and I think she has interesting and good observations. It's about life and social life really. Doesn't mean I want to date. I'm a single dad with a daughter so the dating days are over.

[@Pikawarps]

@@SecondChance972’initial talking, decide if you like them, talking stages (days or weeks of talking), going on a first date, judging if it went well, going on next date, did this date fix any concerns? If yes: become boyfriend/girlfriend’. Is very formulaic and broken compared to what relationships are supposed to be

[@thelegendarycamel]

I think as guys, we miss like.very obvious signs at times. I had an amazing interaction with a girl at the gym and she literally TOLD me she was single and it took me at least 5 minutes longer than it should have to register. --- we are now dating for coming up on a year

[@jazzyjake99]

Glad to hear you found someone.

[@drip369]

You don't have to put your guard down to open up to somebody, just don't share every single detail about your life with them. Give them something to learn about you over time.

[@RedX32]

Finding a woman I'm compatible with and attracted to with enough shared values is my biggest problem.

[@Vergil14]

For number 13, I spoke on this on another video, but I’ll do it again here. Sometimes it’s not always an issue of a an interpreting something wrong. Sometimes, a woman does an action that gives off a certain idea, and when she’s called on it, she’ll say “oh I’m like that with everyone!”, knowing damn well that those actions give a very different idea. Some women even know they do it, get called out on it, and still do it anyway. So gentlemen, if you’re getting mixed signals, stay away.

[@Catalonia]

I have the same "can't get a date problem". It's agonizingly frustrating...

[@antoniobrasse7157]

So I've watched the whole video. What these guys need is to actually do some ontological personal development work and/or hire an ontological/life coach to help with opening their awareness and how to correctly practice vulnerability. If these guys tackle the ontological aspect in their lives, not only will they see their dating lives improve, they'll see everything improve. I've constantly said most guys that are in the comments complaining about women and dating really need a life coach, not a dating or relationship coach. They often have various issues going on showing up in multiple areas of their lives that are going unattended to.

[@highlanderknight]

#9 - Taking the lead (or are you just being used) equal conversation aside, you can lead, pay, make plans, do basically everything even when you are both talking, but it can begin to feel like you are putting 90% of the effort waiting for her to decide if she likes you, or even seeing how much you you'll do to impress her over multiple dates before she even reciprocates. No guy wants to end up being a chump.

[@innocentrage1]

My biggest struggle is finding a girl to talk to in general. I work from home, gave up on online dating after never getting matches, and it doesn't seem like anyone goes out anymore. It also sucks that the only thing my friends want to do is go out to the bar. Like dude you are gonna be dead by 50 cuz you drink so much. Lets go bowling or ice skating or something diffrent.

[@universal3024]

I’m in the same position, but, why don’t you just go to the bar yourself. Order something to eat there at the bar and eat and drink at the bar and go from there ..

[@emmadkamara4004]

I want to warn you and warn other guys - DO NOT come from a place of ‘want’ because that says ‘I don’t have a gf’ or ‘I don’t have experience’ or any of those limiting beliefs and this state puts anyone in a state of lack. Want means lack and you’re telling the universe ‘I don’t have it!’ This is super true and it’s coming from the LOA

[@mIKE.TURNup]

Starting all over again is mine. I was married for a little over 20 years our kids are grown so getting out there on the dating scene is tough. It’s a totally different scene . My tolerance is low . I also like living alone more than I thought I did. Sadly I compare anything to my ex wife . Example I would say to myself i never had to deal with this with my ex so why would I with her. Also it seems that you gotta make 100k to date according to women . I make good for myself but I’m not raising a whole woman.

[@slickgossip6893]

Mine is when you're trying to hold a conversation with a woman on a dating app and the only replies you get back are either one word answers, an emoji or even worse just "lol". Soon as that happens I'm done 😂

[@CourtneyRyan]

😵‍💫 this is so annoying! I don’t blame you, I’d be done with a conversation like that too lol

[@stevenmartin7053]

Exposing oneself as a romantic amateur, especially as one ages...gets really difficult to want to expose as opposed to just enjoying my life. I hate feeling like an idiot. I feel like I'm only attractive when I'm not trying. But it also means I'm not paying attention. I'll get home from Home Depot and sit down. And I'll replay how the cashier was laughing at my jokes and followed me all the way out the parking lot to keep talking to me. And then I place both palms to my face and rub my eyes and go, "Steve...you ***ing idiot...". Yes, women...at least one man really is that blind. It's not you.

[@fletchergull4825]

I feel like women dating coaches always say "if she likes you, you'll know. If she's not engaging it means she's not into you". While male coaches say "ofcourse she doesnt like you, she doesn't even know you yet! It's up to you to put yourself infront of her, display value, and win her over through the interaction" I can't tell if these perspectives are congruent or if they are contradictory?

[@chrisandsneaky2453]

The women are actually telling the truth this time. I'm nearly 50 years old; I've been observing female behavior longer than most of the guys commenting here have been alive. The fact is that a woman will move mountains for a guy she wants. I've seen women do truly despicable things like throwing away their kids because a guy they wanted didn't want the kids around. If a woman shows you no interest, she has none. Do not waste time or money trying to change that. You can't. If she acts interested but seems to constantly throw up roadblocks, she does not want you; she's using you. She will move mountains for you if she wanted you.

[@raymondmasullo3386]

The toxic positivity is the one that gets me. Well meaning clichés are still clichés. I got off the apps a few weeks ago. My mental health has already improved. I've also adopted the mindset that if it happens, great. If not, oh well. I'll live. That's also helped.

[@timothydiehl8520]

11:24 Courtney, you should read “Self Made Man” by Norah Vincent from 2006. She impersonated living as a man, including dating. One of (many) revelations was how mean women were in dating. Times and social media are very different now, but it s worth a read.

[@rookooful]

I don't read non fiction but I read that and it was really good. Everyone should read it

[@Kashban]

Very worthwile.... unfortunately she killed herself a few years because she got into a deep depression after this experience.

[@lewisb85]

Biggest one is when they move the goalposts or "get a better offer", had an experience lately where she was really into me was pushing forward then suddenly her "priorities had changed", crushing but Im guessing she felt like she had a better offer.

[@johndoe1274]

Attract people who don't expect you to be at an auction in order to get with them. I've never met a person like this in my life.

[@ryanmills892]

My biggest hurdle in meeting women is just the approach; i don't know what to say once the introduction is made, just recently i watched a guy approach two women and walked away with BOTH of their phone numbers, i felt flabbergasted by his success when i fail at every attempt i muster up the courage and brave the risk to make an approach.

[@michaelespeland]

A very difficult part about this is knowing if you're coming on too strong, or not direct enough, so you're stuck in this place where if you engage too much - or you think you do - the other person is gonna feel you're too desperate. This again leads to a more passive approach, and there is no way of telling if it's the right or wrong way to go. It's like a loop of uncertainty, which can totally derail a possible connection with someone.

[@Skyler827]

I think the solution to this is to just announce what you're thinking, what you intend to do, allow her to correct you if you're wrong, and just do it. For example, casual conversation, talking to a cute girl about an event you're at; "If I see you again, I might ask you if you're single, since you're pretty cute." But not actually asking if she's single then and there, but asking next time. It does require that you disclose your level of interest, but it also allows you to communicate your restraint as well. Or, when trying to link up and schedule a date, send a text like "That's fine that you want to reschedule. I will text you at [x time] with my availability for next week". This shows reliability, consideration, follow up, but also that you're not desperate enough to prioritize her over everything else, which makes you valuable. Or, after you're on a date, something like "I think you should come to my place and bang. But I'm open to suggestions." Then, operate as if she's going to say yes without forcing her to say anything too early. Of course always accept if/when she says no and meet her where she is. Women are much more forgiving of an unacceptable request when it is presented as a negotiable suggestion or proposition rather than a demand. But they do require a battery of propositions to get the ball rolling, and the propositions generally need to be negotiated.

[@cs8712]

protip: stop caring what women think and just do what feels right

[@SystematicMechanic]

Tell them you don't read minds so you just ask.

[@michaelespeland]

This is not a problem just when it comes to women, but all people in general actually. Making new friends is also a challenge sometimes due to this way of thinking

[@godncountry8323]

Let’s be honest, guys!!! For most of us, women aren’t going to be throwing themselves at us!!! Unless we’re worth six figures or more, or if we’ve got movie star good looks, maybe!!!

[@philmccloskey1013]

My biggest problem is meeting a girl. I’m at work or the gym a lot (2 places that aren’t good for getting women). I’ve been forced to use dating apps so it’s very hard for me to get her off the app because my text game sucks

[@kcassidy90]

Same for me on all this

[@user-cz5lj2vx1f]

GET INVOLVED in other interests (other than the gym)!!! The dating apps seem so destructive. Volunteer. Take a class. Go to cultural sites. Something besides swiping. Even if on any particular day you don't meet a woman, you'll still have PARTICIPATED in something that you enjoy!

[@catwalkcool]

I am currently in the best relationship I’ve ever been in. I’m 28, she’s 41. Not only is it the smoothest, but the quality of our dates & time together has raised the bar tremendously. It is almost everything I could ask for, except, we know this is only temporary. She knows I want to marry & have children with a woman who is closer (and younger) than my age. The problem is dating women my age.

[@nobodysperfect06]

I assume you had to be the one to ask her out and hit on her, my guess is you had plenty of girlfriends before her

[@jazzyjake99]

@@nobodysperfect06That’s a stupid thing to assume. Maybe he’s never had a relationship before this.

[@asims1988]

My biggest struggle is having nowhere to go. I only ever went to the gym after work, but during the covid lockdown in 2020 I went all in on a home gym. I can never go back to a commercial gym. I tried, but waiting for equipment you have at home is brutal. Also, in my experience, people are at the gym to workout and not socialize, myself included. Other than my weekly grocery store runs that have yielded 0 results that's it. I've never had any luck online dating. It's been 3 years single with no end in sight.

[@OpLanters08]

That positive mindset has changed a lot for me recently and I hope with me saying that, passes on to the next person. The power of being positive can definitely change a lot of outcomes you would have thought differently. Well said Courtney. Oh also I noticed something that has benefited me years ago. I realized that not only do I have a certain type of woman but that certain type of woman likes me to. So maybe step outside your boundaries and date woman from a different cultural. Obviously try to get to know her but I really enjoy dating the women that are polar opposite of me.

[@genix5700]

Courtney, Just wanted to say that you are beautiful and thank you for helping us out through the years! Happy Thanksgiving!

[@MartirosMardoyan301AD]

One of my biggest struggles is not being social aware because of my mental disorder. I don’t know how to read people or their body language. Which contributes to my struggle in dating.

[@jakepointer5494]

I will say that the advice 'watch actions more than words' is sound, I've been doing that more lately and it helps a lot. I had it recently where a girl kept saying she wanted to meet up again and then either not pinning down a day/time or flat out not replying. We did not meet in the end despite what she kept saying i.e. her actions spoke louder than her words!

[@foxtrotunit1269]

My biggest problem: Don't have any women in my social circle. Dating apps, everyone seems to agree, are useless for men unless they're top 3%. I'll be honest, I'm decently attractive, confident and what not - but not top 3% are you kidding me lol Also, "Go out and find more ppl" is basically just words without meaning. Like, if you too.

[@Danny328DT]

I'm gonna be honest, I never went out of my way to find my partner. I found my girlfriend just being myself and doing what I like. It always started as friendships, and sometimes feelings will be more visible. I've noticed it's a lot tedious if you actually try to manually find one as you're basically interviewing the perfect women in your eyes. It's difficult, which is why I recommend just putting yourself out there, talk to men and women, look for the signs if a woman likes you, and just don't think about it all that much. For me, I never put so much emphasis on doing XYZ to get a girlfriend.

[@SystematicMechanic]

You literally have to go out looking for girls. It is what it is.

[@foxtrotunit1269]

@@Danny328DT That's would be pretty good way actually. 👍 *Major caveat* is if you like doing *male things* and have *male interests* - you end up meeting men: - I study at a technical university - my class has 8 women --> all in relation ships (except 1 who showed interest, but then went for a taller dude) - I attend IPSC sports shooting competitions almost weekly. 30-40men --> 1 woman, married. - I joined a hunting club 6mo ago. 25 hunters +30 from a neighboring hunting club --> 3 women, all married - I had a summer job working in analytics laboratory.15 ppl in my circle, 10 of which were women (Yes!)...buuut... they're all 35-45yrs old and married (I was 22, now 25) - I played airsoft a few times, 12-15 dudes, and 1 girl (already taken by 1 one the guys there) ....but thanks.

[@PoorlySoup]

Dating is about filtering. If it doesn't work out with someone (hopefully earlier than later), then good! Means you didn't waste any more time with a mismatch. If we hope that the next date works out regardless of compatibility, then we can end up in a bad relationship, which can do more damage than a series of early rejections from people we wouldn't ultimately have wanted to be with anyway.

[@TywinLannister0]

i could care less about a women's personality and Most women i doubt would want to date me. But if i had power i would put all those women in prison for refusing to date me. The question is why should a Women have the power to refuse to date me? and the bad Relationship you say? the most important thing about a women is her ass or booty and i could care less about how bad the relationship is and how nice of a ass she has is the most important factor of a good women.

[@Andrew--S]

Only women and the top 5% of men get to filter

[@user-cz5lj2vx1f]

WISDOM. Thanks!

[@dirtydan9457]

Its so so so refreshing when a woman shows interest or asks about me. I can count the times on one hand that ive had girls ask about me

[@zuleimazarate9712]

Thank you for your videos Courtney I enjoy learning from them , for instance asking myself how I could be a better partner? Figuring that out and mowing what I can do better I know will help me in dating.

[@jeremyferguson5588]

Being 5'5 I understand that i will be single forever based on my height..but that just means i have more money and free time to build my life my Money and my health...i can still try to live a beautiful life..i can still travel i can still work hard i can still make more money i can still drive nice cars i can still live in beautiful homes.. women don't want me based on my height and thats ok..

[@jeremyferguson5588]

I'm glad I saw this video it gave me confirmation to give on dating...

[@TywinLannister0]

Don't fucking give up. You can try to see Escorts as an option or do the Passport Bros Idea. if i was the President of the united states i would order you to keep trying to look for a women or you would get 75 years in prison and i would find you a women overseas for you to date.

[@michaelstein7510]

I’m 5’5 myself. Dating is certainly harder for us, especially online dating, where we often get filtered out before women can even view our profiles. It’s frustrating, but dating isn’t impossible for us. It’s just harder. I’ve dated a couple good-looking women that were our height or even a bit taller than me. You and I can still be successful with women, but we have to put in more work than taller men, and we’re more likely to impress a woman in person than online.

[@MH15501]

For me the biggest problem in dating is getting dates in the first place. Tried asking for dates in real life back when I was in highschool/college and was always rejected. I have always despised bars/clubs/festivals or anything loud and with a large crowd so I won't meet anyone there. Right now in the latter half of my 20's I feel like I can only meet women through dating apps, but after having used those for a couple of years I have still never had a date. Also no viable partners my age at my job, but I don't want to date anyone from work anyway because there is just too much at risk if things go south someway. I just feel like I am stuck in an infinite loop of rejection and have honestly kind of given up on ever meeting someone (for now atleast).

[@chengliu872]

Which apps have you used?

[@CathDaddy]

What about focusing inwards? Bettering yourself, or exemplifying your positive traits. For example, why would you want to date you if you were a woman? And capitalize on those strengths

[@AlexanderSkinnerVids]

@@CathDaddy And you don’t think he’s already doing that? 🙄

[@dgwaters]

I know exactly what you are going through. I’ve been on a dating website for seven years. It was a tough decision but I decided to stop using it. It just wasn’t working for me and didn’t want to waste anymore money on it.

[@chrisandsneaky2453]

@@CathDaddy keep giving that advice: "Improve yourself." Its bullshit. I know so many men who are highly educated, successful in their careers, making a LOT of money, who have interesting hobbies, and are good human beings...and no woman will touch them because they're not covered in tattoos, they don't drink or do drugs, they work within respectable society rather than rejecting it. Women are the problem; no society can sustain itself when its women reject the men who are the backbone of that society in favor of worthless degenerates.

[@gottrekk5798]

Great advices like always on top of the confidence, appearance (including clothing, haircut, shoes) and... flirting skills.

[@alexmccann1066]

Your channel is amazing, these are literally the most useful videos ever. I’ve had a difficult relationship with a woman in my life for the last few years now, we’ve argued etc but are still working on things. Watching these videos is like getting help with all the questions I’ve mulled over repeatedly for a long time now - thank you!

[@anthonybrown3125]

As a man you can't have standards because you are lucky to get 1 date or 2 a year and if you want a none smoker or no kids or 1 with a job you might not find 1 or none a year. Then most women looking for a guy that Buys them lots of stuff or they just move on to the next guy because some guy will pay there bills

[@dieseldan5189]

women cannot comprehend, including this presenter, how much energy a man has to expend to court a women. Women don’t have to expend hardly any energy. “Oh just put yourself back out there and make new connections….” Easy for a women to say.

[@jtgmail459]

Way to go Courtney !! Keep the cohesive info coming.... sometimes common sense is not easy to see until binoculars are used...

[@Kadsistency]

For my biggest issues are: Time - I work full time at a normal job but also part time on a KZbin channel of my own that I’m working to monetize. Between those and hobbies there doesn’t feel like there’s room for dates and relationships. Introversion - I’m an introvert so it’s already tough to get close to anyone much less someone I find attractive but I also have an element of social anxiety so I have to fight through my projections of negative thoughts onto others. Inexperience - I’ve only been in one relationship back in college and every other attempt has been unsuccessful for various reasons. Point being it makes me feel like I don’t know what I’m doing but the older I get, the more I feel like I should know.

[@kinnymonster]

Guys, join the rest of us in the bleachers. I went through this years ago. Nothing's changed. Chix have only gotten worse. They're not gonna get back in line when u keep playin the game by their rules. You'll save yourself a lot of time, pain, & money. If u die alone so be it. Better to die alone than play their game. Live life, be happy. If u stumble across a good woman along the way, great. But, til then, put yourself first & live.

[@dufflebagg]

#9 is a sticky one for me. Although I've definitely become more comfortable over time with taking the lead in dating, both because I am well aware it is considered "manly and attractive" and also sometimes just out of necessity, since the other person clearly wasn't going to, my temperament and to an extent my way of enjoying life is to be pretty laid back and to mostly go with the flow so that I can have a broad range of experiences and I don't get tired of just doing the same things I already know I like. I absolutely LOVE it when someone else has a plan or idea for something to do and just wants me to come along for the ride, since I don't have to think about what we're doing and I may get to have an experience I would not have had otherwise. In that regard I actually feel like something that I can (and do) offer in relationships is to be a person who is always "up for" basically anything, even when I typically don't prefer to be the one to take the lead. I understand that there needs to be compromise in all things, so never taking the lead or planning anything at all wouldn't be fair of me either, and like I said, I definitely can and will do that when appropriate, but I won't lie that I usually feel miscast in the role of the person who always has to take charge and I guess I bristle at the idea that this is even a gendered role to play. I don't think I'm a particularly "feminine" man and I don't feel that any of the women I dated were overly "masculine" at all, so anecdotally I think it relates more strongly to a person's disposition than anything else and I worry that this is a case where trying to adhere too closely to traditional gender roles may result in men pretending to be something they're not and coming off disingenuous or women feeling steamrolled when they would have actually preferred to go on dates they came up with, etc., and it just pours more confusion and frustration into the dating mix. Just something to consider.

[@nobodysperfect06]

I think a lot of men feel this way because I think it's a normal part of human nature or just a human instinct to not feel like one person should have to do everything

[@arckocsog253]

I understand you, but in the courting stage you need to pull yourself together and organise the date, otherwise the girl is going to think you are not interested / low effort. If you don’t do it, someone else will.

[@krunkologist]

I have dealt with every one of these. I have had limited success and lots of learning experiences. I'm hopeful that my match isn't far away.

[@kahldris1228]

As someone who is somewhat recently divorced from a women who was much younger and didn't know what she was doing at the end and I finally said I'm done. Online dating is not the way to go. Granted I'm into different forms of dancing so that helps. However I can tell when a women is doing online dating or not. Like Courtney says actions speaks very loud, I am lucky where even when I was young if a girl doesn't make me feel like she's into me I'm out. Guys don't waste time on a app trying to convince a women your worth it. Go out and do things and find. A women who is worth your time.

[@mooseyman74]

Agreed. You will take a number and get inline while she works through the candidates

[@blainehamlett2054]

As a man who went from rock bottom(by no choice of my own) to a very high chance of having a good future(career etc). Itd be nice to tell all to young men and other men who struggle in dating. Unfortunately thats such tricky waters to navigate. Its hard to put information out there without drawing unwanted attention or being put into "manospheres" of kinds when doing that. Ive just been benefiting by myself, unjudged, cloutless, and at the utmost peace because of that.

[@FrankM]

Concerning the topic of leaving your house, doing things you enjoy, in hopes of finding someone, it's actually not that easy. Many women have a wall up and bury their faces in their mobile device, have ear phones/headphones on tuning, out the world. So it is challenging and disconcerting to approach such women, because they are signaling they aren't open to a conversation. And the few women that are open to conversations, are well-rounded, more often than not, are in a relationship.

[@AK-American]

Yup, the good ones are taken brother

[@takethesquid]

That's a huge issue, whenever i develop interest in someone that is sane and reasonable, only to find out they're already being happy in a healthy stable relationship for years at that point

[@BryJovi17]

35 and having to start all over again! Gosh what a position that would feel like to be in, when I turned 35 this year and have never even started a relationship with any woman 💀🔫 22 odd years of liking the opposite sex and no girlfriends or sex, now that sucks

[@deanthroop8054]

Thank you, Courtney. Positive thoughts for a wonderful and beautiful Thanksgiving for your family and you.

[@CourtneyRyan]

You too my friend 🥰

[@alaincote6684]

So sharp and well articulated directions, suggestions. Thank you

[@Jazzmaster1992]

As far as the point about "leading", I've sort of come to the conclusion that it's not bad advice to take initiative in your dating life, but because it's something you want to do. You being responsible for your happiness and feeling an obligation to go after what you want in life feels like a much better reason to pursue something than feeling like it's your "job". If you're not showing up and "leading", it could be a lack of motivation to try at all, or it could be that the woman you're wanting to court hasn't done much to earn that effort from you just yet. Not to mention the fact that if she really wanted you, there's no reason for her not to at least make that known. I've had women walk up to me and make the first move in the past, so it's not like they're entirely incapable of doing it. I wouldn't tell guys to wait for every woman to make the move, I just feel like it shouldn't matter who does.

[@johndoe1274]

tl;dr Give and receive. Don't take and keep.

[@vikingfarmer3498]

I'm a 53 year old single dad of a 7 year old. Nobody wants anything to do with me.

[@TywinLannister0]

Why don't you try doing the passport bros idea? or find single moms who also have children and see how that goes. You need to find a women who is willing to accept you and your kid who loves children. You need to Wed her, Bed her and as they say in the movies Hasta la vista, baby

[@BALHAM69]

Happy Wednesday Courtney. i have a mini job interview for a waiter role in an hour :) Hopefully this goes well. Happy thanksgiving for Sunday 💜 “Thanksdicking” as the young girls 18 to 28 say 😅 For real though, you been very busy this holiday season already.☺️💕 Less than three months until Valentine’s Day too. Have to plan and prepare for this.💝 It’s sweet you try to understand men in the dating world scene such as this!

[@CourtneyRyan]

Good luck at your interview! 🥰

[@BALHAM69]

@@CourtneyRyan because you like to understand men Which is sweet Perhaps you should make a dating profile and match with guys for one day To see what responses they give ? What are red flags and what are green flags ? What are dating apps like ? Should a guy ever pay for dating apps? Do girls pay for dating apps ? Of course you are married and this is only a suggestion Thank you Amiga Friend i think i got the job Which is ideal in my life

[@orlandoosorio1554]

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family Courtney.

[@CourtneyRyan]

You too my friend! 🥰

[@joenoonan9406]

The best times I've had at bars were at gay bars. It is seriously nice to be able to not have all the girls tell you to fuck off and the other guys just be either indifferent or competition. So nice for moral to just have somebody try to pick you up even if you have zero interest. I tell the gay guys uo front I'm straight, but just being desired every once in a long while is nice.

[@josesantana770]

However, at the end You might have to deal with balls. No fun.

[@delawarehistory1675]

Courtney tells us to ignore the fact that its way easier for women to date; but what she doesn't seem to realize is, that directly effects us. If she had a zillion options and we have none, who has the upper hand? She can have 1000 expectations she can put on guys and simply move to the next one when you make the smallest mistake.

[@mysticbazuso36]

That's called leverage. It sucks. What can you do? Become the best version of yourself.

[@user-zt4gn8hs5w]

Very true.

[@delawarehistory1675]

@@mysticbazuso36 Totally agree with becoming the best version of yourself. But that should have nothing to do with women. If you think improving yourself will attract more women; you are likely going to be very disappointed. I am 6ft tall, thin, decent looking, make over 6 figures a year, own a house. Guess how many women I get? ZERO.

[@user-ee6dz3rd9g]

She would like you to feel she has the upper hand. Don't let her fool you. For them it is not the same. Her worth goes down each time she moves on to the next one. For you as a man it is the opposite.

[@daniellehotsky1776]

@@delawarehistory1675 So you are tall and financialy stable, and? Maybe you are an a**hole. What do we know? 🤷‍♂Too pushy, too clingy, it can be anything and combination of many things. You have to be brutally honest to yourself. That's the only way. You cannot change other people. That's waste of time.

[@BLynn]

So... I am around @15:00 in & am reflecting on something I heard a speaker say long ago. He stated, "You need to find something you think is important & volunteer in that 'thing' forgetting about dating or finding a mate & just take care of those in that volunteering. After some time, while you are continuing to help, you will most likely notice someone else who has similar ideas about this 'thing'. While focusing on the work, you will also see if they are willing to be paired up with you or have a tendency to pair up with someone else. This could be a good person for you to try to build a relationship with." The 'thing' was volunteering at a food pantry, a pet shelter or other 'thing' you find important to impact. He also stated if you show up for that 'thing' looking for someone to complete you, you will never devote yourself enough to that 'thing' to make a good impact or show who you truly are to that individual you want to see you, so take a breath, focus on the reason you are there & not the hope you have for the future.

[@nolaflyr9619]

Hi Courtney, do you have any videos or advice on text messaging with someone during the initial phases of a relationship? When to text, what to text, how much and how often, etc. Thanks!

[@The-Vitruvian-Man]

It's difficult finding a woman who is kind to others, humble, feminine, healthy, does sweet things for her man, and can hold and start interesting conversations. A vast majority of women are at least a couple of the following--sassy or over dramatic, very overweight or obese, does drugs, boring to talk with, and expects to be treated like a queen without spoiling her man in return. American culture, in particular, has left many women undesirable and it's difficult connecting with the minority of women who are good catches.

[@AK-American]

Amen brother

[@tehlaziness]

There's the other catch that is finding those good women when they're ACTUALLY single

[@stevethomas74]

Agreed and don't think it's any better on this side of the pond here in the UK either. And how many times have you spotted these buzzwords on a dating profile "Fluent in sarcasm/very sarcastic", "Very blunt", "A lot to handle", "Swipe left if you're right wing/voted Brexit *insert anything else*" and/or just generally made their profile sound so obnoxious, Narcissistic and off-putting that you can't swipe past quick enough?

[@onethree123d]

​@@stevethomas74There is a male equivalent to this unfortunately most people seem to be emotionally jaded and need therapy before starting to date they make it seem bleak for the rest if ur healthy then your equivalent is out there don't mind those women because they're on the level of hurt men like them and that's not for you to worry about

[@stevethomas74]

Agreed also@jaded. It pours out of their profile descriptions @@onethree123d

[@stevenplaysbone8791]

The biggest struggle for me is just finding someone who can get past how ugly I am. I'm on all the dating apps, and I get NO FUCKING MATCHES. Everyone I know who's at least somewhat attractive gets matches every day or every week. I get my haircut regularly. I shave every day. I wash my face. I shower every day. I brush my teeth twice a day. I do all the stuff to take care of myself, but I just wasn't blessed with good looks.

[@dgwaters]

Dude, I know what you are going through. I’ve been on a dating website for seven years and have had only two responses. Neither lead to anything.

[@martin61812]

Hi, just commenting here to thank you for your fashion advice. It´s been very useful

[@TheBatman327]

Happy Thanksgiving Courtney!!

[@andrewcoffey6072]

I’ve come into a recent struggle with my dating life that I’m not sure if I’ve ever really heard be discussed, and that is at what point to start to bring the talk/dynamic/situation to a romantic/intimate level. It varies for every woman, but every woman has a point at which if it’s too quick, you’re a thirsty creep of sorts and if you take too long, you’re a p***y who won’t make a move etc etc. would be curious of your thoughts Courtney.

[@Swearengen1980]

You don't talk about it, it just happens. If you can't figure it out by her body language, look, etc., that's on you. I've never once been accused of moving too quick or waiting too long. If you have good instincts, you just know. And in reality, even the Bible thumping Christians will sleep with you within 5 dates. The self proclaimed "modern" women will sleep with you on date 2 if she finds you attractive and you know what you're doing. I'd say date 3 is the average I've slept with every woman and this has been at every age (I'm 43 now).

[@johndoe1274]

If a woman thinks im a pussy for not rushing things, then I don't need her. Why would I, in my security, be affected by what she thinks of me and how I cultivate relationships? If she doesn't like it then BYE 😙No insults required to leave

[@CS-ru4xd]

I can agree with this. My ex girlfriend (from about 3 years ago) came from the "old school" mentality where there was no guessing whether she liked me or not. I could tell from our first date that she was into me and and it was actually a little scary. She looked at me with stars in her eyes and always was as near to me as she could get..like when a cat wants your attention. I mean, she came on strong...lol. It DID feel good that someone was so into me that , even though I kept a bit of distance for a while, I eventually felt ok to open myself up to her and embrace her "love bombing". But eventually she started to systematically dismantling the relationship by subtracting little things here and there and started putting me on an "attractive scale" where if I did or said something she didn't like, my "attractive" level would go down, according to her, and if I did something she approved of, it would go back up! This didn't sit right with me and eventually I didn't feel settled in our relationship anymore. It's weird how most guys can accept their partners shortcomings and their weird quirks and mannerisms but they can't accept or are less tolerant of ours. These are some of the things that make me feel like the juice just isn't worth the squeeze anymore! It's like trying to find a good car in a junkyard. And yea...it's hard no know whether or not we're moving too fast or not fast enough because of the recent dating and social mentality.

[@sanitary103]

You need to adapt to each woman accordingly. If the date is going extremely well, then a small kiss on the cheek minimum isn’t creepy. Even the lips as well. If the gal seems ultra shy but you think she’s into you, a peck on the cheek and nice warm hug at the conclusion of the date will suffice. If you end up misreading her, so be it. If she really likes you, she’ll simply say she wants to take things slower. Always look at her actions more than her words. It will give you all the information needed.

[@Kashban]

It depends... you need to develop the skills to detect their signs and with time you will be able to tell if she's into you for more than friendship (which I do not recomment, never befriend a woman you have romantic interests in). There are many vids and reddits out there on how women signal interest and how to check whether she's in for more, so I don't go into detail here. Trust me, if you rack up more and more experience, you'll feel it in your gutt and also will see it with your rationality.

[@TheDSasterX]

One date every 3-6 months? Those are some rookie numbers. I get like 1 convo on dating apps per 3-6 months of committed swiping. It's just the worst feeling when you hit the end of the match list and start seeing repeats or people way outside your preferences/sexuality lmao. I've been trying out speed dating lately and it's kinda fun, even if nothing comes of it and it forces you to at least acknowledge the existence of people you might otherwise swipe left on. I feel like a creep approaching women at bars/clubs because of how sexually charged the environment can feel and it just seems to obvious that you're approaching on shallow grounds, so I'd need a wingman, her to approach, or some other way to spark up a convo (maybe outside where you can actually talk) -- but it's still outside my comfort zone and a struggle to try and channel my inner bro 😅.

[@williamhopkins2876]

Great content Cortney! I have been in this space for awhile now and I am curious on your thoughts on polyamorous people. Personally I am polyamorous, Atheist, center left, MGTOW so I imagine I have a unique perspective. I would love to know your thoughts on non traditional living. Keep up the great work!

[@cinemalights2625]

My issue is that I’ve been perpetually afraid of flirting. All my life I thought I wasn’t good enough, and it wasn’t until this year that I realized I was and that women actually do enjoy my company. It’s just that I never took the lead and showed interest, so how could they possibly like me back?

[@chrisandrew6633]

"You got to get out of the house." I'd say in a month i don't leave the house maybe one or two days. The issue is, out in the world women avoid noticing guys around them. (And we can feel it.) But then, when women are forced to interact w me (bc of their job) we have a genuinely nice connection. I think women need to tell each other more often that their closed-off demeanor is ruining their chances of finding someone.

[@josephsheehan1852]

Exactly what it is. Girls these days are try and boring. Getting them to talk is like pulling teeth; gives me Bobbi Althoff vibes. Trying to be nice and courteous, giving them the benefit of the doubt. It is still difficult because to me it says that they aren't able to communicate nor that sociable.

[@FrostedSeagull]

This is the current observation by many of the 'Batchelor sites' these past few weeks. Key Subject: lost art of conversation Women have little or nothing to say and that's why they want males to lead the conversation and want their male date to ask them a lot of questions. By the man asking them lots of questions they in turn can judge and reject the make first to hide the fact they have no interest other than gossiping and making judgemental comments. This is the main reason women are suddenly 29, 35, 42 and my age 56 and it's all over by this age. I'm a Monk now so I don't care. Brutal Observation The women are so obsessed with Vanity that they have no interests or hobbies. This is the catalyst that leads to the question: What do you bring to the Table? This has now been weaponosed, and it's just about money. People who ask this particular question have no interests or hobbies.

[@ryansmith7592]

Thanks for the awesome content as always. A question I've started to ask on dates is, in a hypothetical world, would you date yourself? My reasoning is because I pay attention to body language, how long it takes them to answer, and how they answer. Also a fun way to put them on the spot.

[@daniellehotsky1776]

I would date myself definitely. I am a very good listener, have sense of humor and from the start I maybe look like a shy and closed, but after some time everyone find out that I am graate person to be around with.

[@flowerfarmerscott]

It's hard to hear about "struggling" with dating. Disappointment is ALWAYS tied to expectation. Conversely, the key to satisfaction is keeping your expectations reasonable. If you go in with the goal of finding somebody to spend a long time with, chances are you'll be disappointed. If you go in wanting to get to know more about somebody, you're going to "succeed" every single time.

[@user-cz5lj2vx1f]

WISDOM

[@SolitarySoldier]

I was out last night at hooters, made a good connection with the girl. Thought she was really in my frame noticed that she was always coming over to me and asking me questions and was insinuating she wanted to hang outside the restaurant. Left her my number tipped her fairly, nothing came of it. If only headgames were eliminated in dating smh

[@oscarma15]

This has to be a joke

[@SolitarySoldier]

@@oscarma15 negative

[@AnonymousProPublicaHakr]

when they ask me what I’m doing For the rest of my night after I’ve had a meal and as I’m paying… I look at them with honesty and integrity in my eyes and say we both know you don’t care what I’m doing for the rest of my night.. I then say.. in order to get a real tip from people like me you need to do better and be more honest with yourself. The look on their face is like somebody just stole their cat

[@SolitarySoldier]

@@AnonymousProPublicaHakr 😂😂

[@TywinLannister0]

@@AnonymousProPublicaHakri thought you would have asked her to hang out at your house for sex.

[@spacelinx]

As a man who isn’t that muscular, I feel like the biggest struggle for dating is the high standard women have for looks. I understand that looks can matter, but I feel like women will only accept the dude who looks like Momoa or something. Even men who I know look better than me muscles-wise struggle too, because they don’t meet the ridiculous standards of modern women. Hence the popular manosphere mantra of 1 percent of men are dating the other 80 percent of women on the dating apps.

[@highlanderknight]

Most of those women are being used by the top percent when they think they are in a healthy relationship. Then, when they get dumped they have the "all men are AHs" attitude. But because of that attention they begin to see most men as beneath them. Not all women of course but too many.

[@jericoba]

Good to see you acknowledge that many of those points have to do with how men are and their faults. Men can't just blame it all on women and society, we have to change and improve ourselves too.

[@-Tele-gram_RealCourtneyRyan]

L̳E̳T̳’̳S̳ ̳D̳I̳S̳C̳U̳S̳S̳ ̳A̳B̳O̳V̳E̳🤦‍♂️🌝🤷‍♀️,

[@evansmith8824]

My biggest thing is experience i havnt dated much and i am so unexperienced i told my first date i had in a while this and i knew it wouldnt be a serious date after that lol. Gotta get dates in and i think maybe my biggest challenge is getting more of them. I dont get out much dont have much time to. Its like everything else gotta practice learn and have fun with it.