3 Things: 2 Married Single Mother Stories and a Woman Speaking on Women Talking about Terrible BFs

[@childfreechick2980]

He did not want kids...he wanted a “legacy” for himself and an anchor for her.

[@OnewBiased]

The only legacy he left will be resentment and spite from the kid(s). Maybe even hatred

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

Except that children are not a legacy they're your lineage. Legacy is what you teach your kids, the wealth you leave them and the education you give them on how to build wealth, grow and retain wealth, the views about life you give them to guide them through their own.

[@inprogress5210]

I'm glad you said this. Men baby trap women all the time and weaponize their salary against women.

[@misslola007]

They only like the image of being a "responsible man", not even a legacy.

[@childfreechick2980]

@@VeeKayGreenerGrassI know this but that’s what men say they want children for, so that’s why I used the word

[@missinterpretation4984]

That’s why it’s such a lie when the divorced dads say women are keeping the kids from their dads. Fool, you were an absent father when they lived with you. No one is buying it.

[@reneedennis2011]

Good point.

[@kayshawnsimmons5585]

Exactly! It's gaslighting BS

[@louhortonsculpture]

It’s like they couldn’t wait for the divorce so they could virtue signal about what a great dad they are while dating…meanwhile, why do they have so much time for dating?

[@08Davis2]

When men say "I want kids", all I hear is "I want to BE the kid." They want to be fed and taken care of like a child.

[@kayshawnsimmons5585]

And them saying they want kids is a trap to sit the woman down in Misery, especially if the woman is vibrante and living her best life free.

[@trichmomma]

Do not let men gaslight you into thinking absentee, uninvolved fathers are being mistepresented by their wives/partners. Part of being a parent is raising the offspring. As an adult you will work regardless. Parent comes with added duties, you will do more than work as a parent. The group telling women they cant have it all are realizing that they have it all because of women. And guess who is mad.🤦🏾‍♀️

[@nmorto2013]

Truth

[@dianaprince3176]

That last part

[@queeniequeen949]

All of this. 💯💯💯💯💯💯

[@AL-ALady]

This.

[@danedee6563]

I am sick and tired of men assuming that their children don’t like them because they are being misguided by the MOTHER. Children are human beings with eyes and ears they use to observe reality around them. Children witness their fathers doing the bare minimum or nothing around the house and learned that they can only rely on their mothers because she’s the one that’s protecting and nurturing them. I am also annoyed that Father’s consistently reduced their role to a paycheck, but then get upset when the court acknowledges them as a paycheck via child support.

[@AIBot929]

No child looks back on their childhood and explicity remembers their parents paying bills. That is not something they will remember. They will remember the time that you do or don't spend with them.

[@thickthickly]

It's exactly what I remember from my father. The only thing in fact. I don't think he ever even had one conversation with me not ever. I didn't know him, he didn't know me...when he passed away, I didn't even know what I was supposed to feel because he was like a stranger that would walk right past me everyday. It's a terrible way to raise your kids.

[@nmorto2013]

Idk kids who had shit turned off understand not paying vs paying bills. But yeah time matters most.

[@caseyjude5472]

I remember it. I think most poor people have some memories about money. It is, of course, not the only memory I have. But I definitely remember watching my parents do budgeting & pay bills. I would sneak money into the envelopes sometimes.

[@unicorn73212]

I actually do remember my parents paying bills actually they would cuss each other out right in front of me when the light bill didn't get paid I had my first job at 14 in like 1998 they make children feel like this huge inconvenience boomer parents were terribly embarrassing and they aged a lot faster then my generation. It forced me to grow up to quickly they didn't make me pay bills but it still felt I was supporting them.

[@dianaprince3176]

Children remember when their parents *don’t* pay bills, especially child support.

[@joylastname3035]

Like someone said on Twitter: "Do not underestimate the ability of a man to defend another man he doesn't know as long as there's a woman on the other end." It's what that person is doing in the comments of the first reddit post. Women work, women come home and take care of kids, ask about homework, remind kids to bathe and brush, follow up with reminders, make and keep doctor's appointments. A man works the same office hours, comes home, and feels he shouldn't be required to do anything else or interact with his family ever, even on weekends cos "he's tired." Pls!

[@no_peace]

They defend imaginary/hypothetical men lol

[@crestfire8008]

I always say this: males defend eachother's crimes. They actually always think women are at fault

[@aysyaw6038]

I'm convinced they would defend another man with their last dying breath. EVEN if the man doing the defending is a good guy on paper and way more mature than the man/bum he defending. They will always have the audacity, split hairs and stay on code with other men just to prove women wrong.

[@EmyN]

Exactly, as if women don’t work just as hard if not more because they have to even do household chores, take the kids to appointments, etc etc

[@EmyN]

@@no_peaceLOL 😂

[@Princetonian4eva]

When a 6 year old tells you about yourself you need to take a long hard look in the mirror - not “hate” the child because they told the truth.

[@sydlaw2941]

How is it that all men have energy for is to work, but women are forced to have energy for the child care, husband care, working, managing the home, and everything else. A woman can be a mother, and entrepreneur, be heavily involved with her family, be a homemaker, and so much more. A man can only focus on one thing or the other. I don't understand this. (And I am not going to stretch "not all". If it don't apply let it fly).

[@queeniequeen949]

They want the privilege but NONE of the responsibilities. That’s why I don’t want kids if I have to raise them MYSELF even if the man was there.

[@sydlaw2941]

@@queeniequeen949 Same, I am child-free as well. Everyday I am appreciative of my decision because I truly don't get how men need so much "tunnel vision" to focus on their careers when women do it plus more and still have time to dedicate to a relationship. Like wtf. I have yet to see an increase in businesses and resources from men with them needing all this time to not be bothered so they can focus on work.

[@sydlaw2941]

@StarryWaters-gq1oj RIGHT!! I know a mixture of men who work hard labor and men who literally have work from home jobs and they both are just sooooo exhausted from work and need "peace". But a woman can work the same of either job and don't know how to sit her a$$ down because she has to delegate the remainder of her energy to everything else, whether hobbies or necessity. I'm going to ask some of my male friends their thoughts of this because I don't get it.

[@dianaprince3176]

Males always seem to have plenty of time and energy to pursue getting laid. They’re only too tired to do chores and housework, but they’re never too tired to f*ck.

[@sg5720]

Is is how men are biologically.b they ain’t good at multi tasking like women. So when these me scream “I the leader cause I am a male” yes, give them the side of eye, cause from what I see out here- women are the ones taking care of EVERYTHING 🤷🏽‍♀️😌

[@txspacemom765]

The lady not even missing her soon to be ex- yep! Mine went away for 2 weeks, out of state. It was the most peaceful time of my life- house stayed clean, I slept uninterrupted, my son and I would take walks, no one was there just being in the way and not doing anything but breathing, scrolling and sleeping. My bathroom is CLEAN! And I had food that was not eaten within 2 days of being bought. Oh- and now- he always blamed me for not having money. In the 2 years since I walked away- I have saved $50K and I don't make that much. Imagine that!

[@jdeux3677]

Wow, good stuff.

[@lucindabreeding]

I hear and read this a lot. A wife divorced after agonizing over how hard it will be as a single mom, and discovering that her house stays cleaner, kids do fine with her, AND she saves money.

[@AL-ALady]

I love that for you 😍

[@Indyghurl]

That's what amazed me too, the amount of money you save. Crazy

[@nikicarrie4071]

Its projection. They spend the money, and they financially abuse you( the woman)

[@hardcandy71287]

men just want the title of father but not the actual responsibility. being a father gives men a level of clout that childless men don't have.

[@queeniequeen949]

This. 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

[@kayshawnsimmons5585]

That's exactly what they do. 😡😡😡😡

[@AndyyWithAY]

In 2023/24 a man wanting kids should be treated as a huge red flag. Men's lives are not at inherent risk during and after delivery. Men are not the defacto parent. In many cases their lives barely change after fatherhood other than praise from society. Of course they want kids. Of course good fathers exist and this can be a green flag That XY caping hard for the deadbeat dad 😮 Is that his alt account? And to all the women on the fence about kids-- it's better to regret NOT having them than regret having them. Don't be pushed into having children. Children are not dolls. They're living beings with feelings and at the bare minimum they deserve love and safety

[@morighani]

women should treat men who want kids the same way we treat little children who want puppies. You know ALL the responsibility will fall on you. They’ll be all oooh! and ahhh! for the first couple months and then forget about it once the novelty wears off. Now you’re the one stuck picking up the poop off the floor while the one who begged for it is on their ipad lol… most men are never forced to grow up or mature out of a selfish toddler mentality.

[@electron-Volt]

Exactly - if later in life you realize you do want a family, you can adopt or be a foster parent. The world is full of children in need of a good home. Never have a child "just in case"!

[@gardnerhill9073]

I can see why so many subpar men love the idea of "being a father." The woman endures 9 months of risk, hours of agony and more risk to her life and health - and THEN starts 20 years of nonstop drudgery... while the man has one happy ending at the very beginning and says he did 50% of the work.

[@txspacemom765]

My best friend in middle school had a dad who works a lot of shift work but he ALWAYS came home, hugged his kids and loved them and showed up. When I was over there, he would come home and bbq or play a quick board game and those kids adored him. I was once stuck at my friends how because of a bad snowstorm. This man came home, brought in firewood, helped the Mom with dinner, played video games with us and then went to bed. He had to get up in 10 hours for work. Show up, be present, even if it's for 20 minutes. Kids pay attention to how you treat their mama's. My son said to me one day, just out of the blue, I don't want to see you upset anymore. He was 15 and that was all I needed to go get a divorce. Kids know and men who try to manipulate them, y'all are gonna end up alone and bitter, with no cats, because you don't even like animals. Please believe kids understand what is going on, even the younger ones.

[@Fingerscrossedout]

What a wonderful son you have that cares so much about your well-being! I told my mom the same thing unfortunately she didn't listen and she told me she regrets it ...

[@nmorto2013]

This. My son has anger issues bc if hopelessness he felt watching my ex be an asshole. I left him then too.

[@kellharris2491]

See there are good men. These brothers are just lazy and selfish.

[@kecym.4808]

❤

[@aysyaw6038]

​@@nmorto2013 Ooooweee this is a conversation that we really need to have. I have this same issue with my mom, I feel she stayec to long. I do understand that she wanted us to have a family etc. I just told her not to long ago that eventhough I was in the relationship with her and my father, I indirectly experienced it all. As a child, not being able to change something, say something or do anything --- it's like watching a train wreck. Although that conversation went no where with her it was good put it out there.

[@shanicecoleman4525]

The fact that the Six year old can call the dad out for his bullshit but not the grown ass adult commenters in the reddit post is perplexing as hell. Stop defending dead beat dads.

[@minecraftingmum5574]

Second story is me. My husband of 35 years has decided that there is a new woman in his future and he has left. He is living in his van. We have 4 kids, 3 adult, still living at home because of the economy and not being able to afford a place of their own. I expected there to be more if a 'hole', a gap where he used to be. But there isn't. We closed ranks, picked up the slack and moved on. I've realized since he left that a), there was no slack, to pick up because we did everything b) its far more peaceful, c) I'm doing less work d) the stress is gone. I no longer have him disturbing my sleep or giving me lists of things to do while he ignores us and helps everyone else. Its been 6 months and I wish I'd done it sooner. #No regrets.

[@sharonharris9782]

GOOD FOR YOU!!

[@tvdavis]

I seriously think that XYs don’t believe that women at office jobs work as hard or harder than they do at the office. I work in a male-dominated field (tech/cyber/law) and I can tell you that the dudes working office/desk jobs are NOT working any harder than anyone else, so for them to come home “exhausted”, but the wife who also works outside the home has to somehow find the energy to do the daily, never-ending tasks of running a household, is wild. They see us as little more than domestic labor that they “pay” for by working. The fact that we work outside of the home as well means little, because they think we’re doing just as little in the office or even less than they are. Ladies, please stop having kids with these man-babies. You’re just signing yourself up for MORE work, aggravation, weaponized incompetence, and then your exhaustion after having to do 90% of the daily chores will be used as an excuse to cheat on you. “She isn’t FUN anymore! She doesn’t care about her appearance & doesn’t get all dressed up in those sexy outfits I liked. She’s gained weight (after giving birth to the kids he claimed he wanted)! My side chick is my PEACE & comfort (yeah, because she’s not washing the stains out of your shorts & putting up with your lack of contribution around the house)!”

[@LightSage89]

It's incredible how some men think that taking out the trash is doing 40% of the housework. Dude: You do about 60% of the work. OP after dude leaves: The only new chore I have is taking out the trash.

[@sg5720]

🤦🏽🤣🤣ridiculous. These men boi. 🤦🏽

[@no_peace]

Let's trade then!

[@nikicarrie4071]

Yes

[@nikicarrie4071]

​@@no_peace no need bc we've always done this. Lol you don't do anything worth while. You add burdens thats it. Thats why women are free after they leave you

[@BNicoleJackson]

Men will get online and write elaborate fanfiction to prove a point to STRANGERS instead of being an involved parent and it's WILD.

[@kayshawnsimmons5585]

All talk No Action is the motto of the XY's😒😑

[@aysyaw6038]

😂😂😂 Lol! It's CULT FAN FICTION at that.

[@ButterflyBree]

I love when small children call out their dust mite sperm donors for not being active parents. Children have no filter but this doesn't encourage them to be active parents. Women who try to paint their husbands or partners as the "good guy" are trying to convince themselves. Deep down they know their partners ain't shit and they're likely in an abusive relationship.

[@levelupgoddess9289]

EVERY SINGLE TIME I hear women say that their male spouses “really wanted kids and really wanted to be a father”, ALWAYS end up with the male being an absent father or a lazy father.🤨🤨🤨🤨 PS, as far as the second story is concerned, by the second sentence I knew they were talking about Becky and her KANG.

[@lakaperse6995]

I swear !! Maybe it is a red flag.

[@queeniequeen949]

Exactly!!!

[@DianaPrinceitiswhatitis]

The outcome is always the same with Kangs.

[@BellaBarossa]

My kids' biological father "wanted kids". His ex-wife couldn't have kids, and all he could talk about when we got together was having children. Our first child was a boy, and he was elated. But SURPRISE! His idea of fatherhood was to 'provide', and I don't think he even so much as changed a nappy (diaper), let alone spent any quality time with his son. By the time our daughter was born only 15 months later, I knew I would be raising both of them alone. Then my ex lost his job, and couldn't get another one, so I got a job while he stayed at home with our two toddlers. After three weeks of coming home from work to find the house a mess and the children still in their pyjamas and in soaked nappies, I decided I had to leave. I was doing it all myself anyway. Of course, he told all his friends and family that I was keeping him from his children, which was just pure BS. My two babies are now 30 and 32, and neither of them has seen their biological father in years. Ladies: don't ever have children because he says he wants them. Have them only if YOU want them. There are some wonderful fathers out there, but you won't find out if he will be one of them or not until you've already made the parenting commitment.

[@sharonharris9782]

I will be 51 in April. I never wanted children. Was told that I'd regret it. Nope. Not once have I regretted it. I have nieces and nephews. Thats enough for me. In fact, my divorce was over having kids. He knew I didnt want them. He agreed we wouldn't have any. Ten years into the marriage he had changed his mind. I told him that I hadn't. I then wished him well and gave him my blessing to go snd find the right woman for him. This was over a decade ago, and to my knowledge, he never got married again nor had a child. But i still wish him luck if thats what he still wants.

[@carlahaiduk1878]

So he didn't want to have a child. He wanted to control you and to make you change your mind.

[@ogolden8315]

Hmmmm… the fact he still doesn’t have kids makes me wonder if there was something going on btw you two that made him want to anchor you? Like were you beginning to make more money that him, higher promotions, made lost weight and a makeover, etc. Or maybe he wanted out of the rlsp and knew the kid thing would be the dealbreaker? I’m just hypothesizing bcos why if it was really about kids he hasn’t had any yet.

[@swvolleyball9137]

Yeah, he knew he wasn’t willing to be the husband you deserved so he sought to tether you in place. I’m so happy you saw through that. The fact that he didn’t run out and find another womb tells me he didn’t want a child, he just wanted a guarantee that you’d be by his side no matter what.

[@sharonharris9782]

​@@swvolleyball9137thank you! I think he thought being a dad was what he should do, not what he really wanted to do. We had nieces and nephews whom he didn't even want to interact with. I kept asking him why would you want a kid if you don't even like being around kids? You know what his answer was? Because it will be different with mine. NOPE! It sure won't and we will have them for the rest of our lives. I escaped that one and I couldn't be happier!

[@sharonharris9782]

​@@ogolden8315I don't know honestly. He begged me for one. I mean begged and that's just not me to give in on such an important decision. I forgot to mention that he didn't even really like kids. He never interacted with our nieces and nephews. I always encouraged him to come and hang out with us ( when I would get together with family) and he always seemed disinterested. That's what was kind of shocking to me. When I asked him why he would want a child when he doesn't even care too much for them, his reply was that it would be different since it would be his own. I noped out on that one very quickly because I know of men who've pulled that and then were either non-existent fathers, or asked for a divorce. Whatever the reason was, I'm thrilled that I stood my ground. I'm at peace right now, and have the best companionship in my Yorkie!

[@inprogress5210]

Not him getting mad when his kid was being honest with him. These bums are allergic to the truth.

[@aysyaw6038]

And one thing about a child is they have the ability to speak the truth soo effortlessly, nonchalantly and bluntly. I definitely didn't like hearing that now all of a sudden he doesn't like his child, instead he could have had a legit conversation with him but nooo.

[@hippie1252]

For the first story, promises are just words. Do not make LIFE ALTERING DECISIONS based on a promise. People lie! Don't get played for a fool!

[@nmorto2013]

Yes

[@sg5720]

Yes, actions always speak louder than words.

[@kayshawnsimmons5585]

Especially when the promises coming from the mouth of a XY 😒😑

[@no_peace]

It's weird how they only want to contribute money but don't want to pay child support

[@purpleness64]

Bingo

[@TheReader19]

That's because child support means that they are not in the home benefiting from the money they are contributing or being taken care of by the woman

[@kayshawnsimmons5585]

YES! that is Insane and true

[@kayshawnsimmons5585]

​@@TheReader19This right here💯💯

[@kayshawnsimmons5585]

Kids are honest at that age

[@Gore_Lore]

Why ask for a trad wife or traditional marriage just to throw it back in the wife face. “I provide for y’all” LIKE DUH that’s what you’re supposed to do. Doesn’t mean you get to be an absent father because yOu PaY BiLls. Then they wanna act “blindsided” when they get served divorce papers. It’s comical really. 😭 1:21

[@no_peace]

I think that's why they ask for it. I know what you mean though it's ridiculous

[@Gore_Lore]

@@no_peace they ask for it because 1. They want a servant/bangmaid 2.They know working is sooo much easier than handling an entire household plus kids(and a manchild🤣) smh

[@itsspringtime]

From my experience, having a dad that provides financially but is otherwise just not interested in you is EXTREMELY confusing and it led me to accept relationships where I was invisible and lonely but kept hanging on simply because some nice things were provided every now and again. That is simply not enough to emotionally nourish a person. We need more than just basic needs provided for. Emotional needs matter too.

[@brittanyb8997]

💯💯💯

[@seabreeze4559]

neglect

[@aysyaw6038]

This is definitely an attachment style. I think this is one of the real parental issues that need to be examined.

[@sistergoodstuff]

All my father did was ‘provide’ . He was a ghost who would just suck the air out of the house over weekends and make us feel scared or guilty for either wanting to go anywhere or have friends over. I loved him but I didn’t know him. He hated being a father and it was SO obvious :-edit- I must must must add that I’m grateful for his ‘sacrifice’ (that’s what it felt like). He was a good man. According to ‘standards’. But I was always scared of him and he always seemed angry and miserable

[@aysyaw6038]

Men don't understand how their presence sets a tone. Good or bad. Moms do too but it's completely different. A man can shift an entire room's atmosphere with his anger or even just his seriousness.

[@hubabaloop]

All she’s saying is she wants her children’s father to participate in their lives. The people in those comments are doing BACKBENDS trying to defend the father.

[@reneedennis2011]

Yup.

[@vanell3532]

Thank you for talking about these things and giving women a platform. What you're talking about is one of the major reasons why I decided not to have kids. As I've gotten older, I realized just how little the men in my mom's, grandma's, aunts, etc. lives have done for the kids. The number of my friends who were single mothers while married or in relationships with the fathers is astonishing. The majority of them have said that their lives have gotten easier after leaving. I've also had several men from my past attempt to coerce me into having a child with them. Thank you for calling it what it is: Anchoring women to them.

[@queeniequeen949]

Amen!!!!! Same with me!!!!! 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯 #childfreeforever #singlebychoice

[@Kontroversial84]

Isn't it convenient that men have decided that all they have to do is go to work; and women have to do EVERYTHING else, including going to work to pick up his slack?

[@aysyaw6038]

It's the trick of the devil because they're demons 😂😂😂 juuuust kidding 😏😏😏

[@attitudeproblem6462]

Imagine being called on your shyt by your child, and instead of taking that as an opportunity for much needed self reflection, you instead decide your child is the problem.😒😒😒 If you need to be called to the carpet by a 6-yr-old, you better batten down the hatches, sir, b/c everybody knows little kids ain’t got no filter.

[@sharonharris9782]

Is anyone else addicted to this channel? 😂 I'm do thankful I found you guys!

[@cryptoqueen981]

This channel is my Jam!

[@Gore_Lore]

I be tuned in every video honey! ❤

[@sharonharris9782]

​@@Gore_Loreme too! Each and every one. Glad to know I'm not the only one.

[@sg5720]

I am. The host is happily married but understands what many women are going through. More married women need to step out their bubble and just understand that not every woman is having a good marriage like you. Acknowledging your fellow women and just being supportive is good. Too many married women who refuse to see out their bubble and then shocked when something goes wrong. If you learn it created better understanding even for your amazing man that you already have. I like this channel. ☺️

[@alyssawoodman]

Word ❤

[@Xena395]

Burb off topic: Not really,because it’s in line with what you’re shedding light on here on your channel. I took an Uber to work today, the driver was a male Chinese. As soon as I got on there was a radio show on air discussing relationships about a a woman who wrote a comment, it instantly captured my attention and I’m listening closely. She asked what she should do because the man she’s dating doesn’t want to put a title on their relationship, the man claim he’s taking slow and it’s been over a year. After that conversation a month later they met up with some mutual friends who are couples themselves, the friend tells the woman she got engaged. The groom proceeded to ask the man if they were thinking about marriage, he responds by saying maybe in the future. So the radio host is giving her input saying that he’s just stringing along, he’s waiting for someone better, she should move on. Guess what the driver did? He changed it to another station, the truth about them was too much for him to handle I guess 😂. That’s when I knew men know what they’re doing to women, they just want to have the option to use you for a moment, a placeholder, until they find the woman they want to claim.

[@livethatlife1830]

I get so damn tired of people making excuses for men! A lot of men just have children to fit in to be able to say they got kids. Children aren't ornaments to make you look good. If you're not going to be involved in the raising of kids, don't have them.

[@theanimator85]

The last post was right. If you're playing down your partner's misogynist/racism, you're one yourself. The only reason he's not abusing you is because you're a preference and on good terms, not because he's a good person. That's why women are so surprised when men go crazy upon separation or divorce. No, he didn't "flip", he was always a shitty person and showed you the signs, but you didn't care because his abuse wasn't directed at you at that time.

[@DaryleBrown]

There are a lot of men who want kids for various reasons: ensure their "legacy', that feeling of having a sliver of immortality, getting their partner more heavily invested and less likely to leave, etc. There are far fewer who actually want to be fathers. That's work.

[@aysyaw6038]

This makes me think of a married man looking better on paper in terms of his career. Like having a wife literally is beneficial to a man because other men take him more seriously. Now that I think of it, having kids takes it to another level. Now as a man, they have a "complete" family which gives thee impression of wisdom/experience. When in all actuality it's part status quo, part a societal smoke screen that hides the man they really are. If a man is good all around it's great but if not now both women and children are tethered to this energy that.....nevermind I don't have the mental space to go down this rabbit whole right now. This gives centering men a whole new meaning😮

[@janelwestmoreland1230]

Men haven't been the sole providers in the home in decades they need to stop using it as an excuse. When my mom died when my little brother was 13 he soon relealized all of what she did and never looked at his dad the same again. Women are expected to work and be 100% involved with the kids with no help from the other parent as if his work is oh so hard and stressful

[@Rose0004]

This video makes me SO RELIEVED I didn't get married to or have kids by my ex. He constantly waxed poetic about how badly he wanted kids and how he'd be a good father, etc, and when I told him I didn't think I was mother material, he'd insist I'd make a great mom and that we should start a family. Mind you, by this time, he'd gone months without work, started sleeping all day, and refused to clean the litter box because it's "gross." I asked him, "If you can't clean a litter box, what will you do when it's time to change a diaper?" He just stared at me, no answer at all. He clearly couldn't handle even just being a decent fiance, so there was no way on God's green earth he could handle the much more challenging responsibility of being a husband and dad. I'm back to being single again, and I will NEVER again risk losing this peace for anyone!

[@peacefreedom4930]

One thing that irks me is men thinking women tell their children what to think. Kids aren’t stupid. They can see what’s going on in the house. They feel emotions. They are around their parents everyday. They eventually put 2 and 2 together and make their own conclusions. My child shocked me with some of the things she said starting around 3 years old. The things she said were true but shocking because I didn’t know little kids had the ability to think on that level. It stunned me. But men act like women are telling their children to say these things, or feel how they feel.

[@morighani]

my dad was a dusty even though he raised me for some of my childhood. He went through all the work to steal me from my mother and leave the country with me without her knowing and leaving her stranded penniless. Used her money to build a house for us and his whole family lied to me about how worthless and bad she was and made me hate her. He struggled really hard to keep a job and I had to be handed off to other family members and strangers to take care of me because he sunk into depression and alcoholism. He couldn’t take care of a single child for more than a couple years before finally shipping me off to my mother who is supposedly evil incarnate. That whole time she worked, got remarried, and got a home. My wonderful step dad took great care of me and I was raised having everything provided for. Men have no idea what raising children entails and I find it funny how they all complain about custody when they don’t even know their kid’s birthdays or middle names lol. Stop giving these dusties kids!!! please!

[@sb.632]

The reason you have a child should never be because your husband/boyfriend wanted them. This almost always ends in disaster - I know from experience. If you don't want kids don't have them until you're good and ready to have them.

[@reneedennis2011]

Exactly.

[@mobranch3678]

Im in my 50s and both of my parents worked and parented. I believe my father was a better parent than spouse. These guys have no excuse as kids are happy with a pbj sandwich and a conversation with their dad.

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

They are two very different relationships after all 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@jungersrules]

Who is the man and who is the child? His child called him out for being lazy, and he now hates HIM?! Expect them to shower mom with love as they get older, and barely pay attention to dad. Ladies take notes! A man who begged to have children. No matter what, if you don't feel like it, don't do it! Their words mean NOTHING. If you don't want to deal with a child of any age, your best bet is to stay single and unattached.

[@LBellatrix]

I lived in Iowa for 8 years (attended, graduated from, then worked for a major university) and never before or since have I experienced anything close to the kind of open hostility BM there had for BW. It wasn’t enough to be light-skinned either…BM only talked to/sexed/dated/married women who didn’t have ANY physical characteristics that might identify them as black. That dynamic described in the last story was common. The one thing that made me sad was knowing that they would have children who’d also grow up bigoted against BW and possibly all black people in general. I had to deal with some of those too, now that I recall…

[@Jujubean9795]

What’s sad is when these men still produce brown skin daughters. Not all mixed kids have yt/fare skin.

[@Vanessa-ii7cc]

So sad that for the racism story my first thought was" he's black". There are latino, white, native and asian men out there, but i went straight forward to the black option, and this said a lot. As a latina, i can't understad this at all. Latino men have a lot of problema with us, and with the raise of podcast bro's they're being a bit more insufferable, but even with that I just don't see this kind of behavior. Sorry for my english. This is my daily attempt to write in english without using the translator

[@AndyCroat-v6d]

You're doing good with your English! 💙

[@Vanessa-ii7cc]

@@AndyCroat-v6d thank you! 🥰

[@chazthomas123]

You explained yourself just fine!!Good job forcing yourself to do it on your own. And it is very sad that even people in other groups can see the hatred black men have for black women.

[@Vanessa-ii7cc]

@@chazthomas123 thanks!!❤️❤️❤️ And well, I follow many channels of black women from different countries (mainly the US) and I also usually follow news about the US since everything that happens there affects the world for better or worse. It's hard not to see the pattern, and it's even worse to see the comments from men on the videos.

[@Nopington]

Do men just not remember being children? For the first 5-6 years of a child's life they have nothing to do but observe and absorb everything that is done and said around them. No one had to plant the idea in me that my dad was an ahole. My mom tried to hide it for him even after a divorce, but I saw his actions, or lack their of, with my own eyes. I remember how it made me feel when he would just leave me in front of a tv and hide in his mancave or try to dump me on any woman he could find when he was supposed to be spending time with me. I may not have had all the words to express myself yet, but I vividly remember the day he went from superhero to enemy no 1 when I was 4 years old. What I felt then shaped our whole relationship and how I viewed men in general for 20+ years. People need to stop underestimating their children. Spreading your seed around and not really caring about your offspring makes you a monster, not a man.

[@MoonBunny69]

Although I have been "proposed" to... I have never been married because I ask 1 question... "(In your prefect world...)What does marriage look like to you?" And they can't answer it beyond "Go to work and come home."😅 I will now be applying this to asking for kids. I have 2 already, but I would like 2 more, but this time with the right man. Unlike my current 2's father. So will be asking both "What does marriage look like to you?" & "What does being a father look like to you?" Thank you❤

[@Zara_Luna]

❤

[@evergreenforestwitch]

Just an FYI, audhd means autism and adhd and is pronounced aww-dhd. Also means that kid has zero filter and is probably blunt as well as extremely observant.

[@jessikajane4967]

And that's what the father doesn't like. The lack of a filter means he constantly makes spot on observations about his dad.

[@evergreenforestwitch]

@@jessikajane4967 exactly.

[@RamenNoodle1985]

Omg I love the 6yo straight up calling him lazy 💀

[@zk6019]

my favourite thing to say to woman who talk smack about their partner but won’t leave - “wow. he sounds really attractive…” then watch her do a 180 and defend him.

[@zk6019]

ps, if she’s trying to leave but struggling i get it. but defending garbage men just because he picked you?? 🤢🤢

[@tiffyq7794]

Interracial couple is definitely a black man and white woman, I’ve dated the rainbow and I’ve never heard another group of men have disdain for their own women even if they were done dirty by one but I’ve dated black men who didn’t like black women

[@moreni2nd405]

Stop letting them convince you to have kids, if you don't want kids. They ALWAYS switch up after they get what they want.🥤👀✨✨

[@reneedennis2011]

True.

[@swvolleyball9137]

So this guy is seriously saying the other parent should gaslight their kids to preserve a faulty image of the incompetent parent? Seriously? My dad worked a lot. My mom worked part time and took on 95% of the housework and child rearing. All I remember my dad doing was watching television and doling out corporal punishment…in his off time he cheated on my mom over 30 times. She never spoke an ill word about him; she didn’t have to, I had eyes. In fact, she did try to gaslight us about what we were perceiving and it took years for me to get over the resentment I felt towards her for doing that. When I finally healed, I changed how I chose men to date and my husband found me. I’ve been in a 30 year marriage to a man who has been very involved with his children (now grown) and I’m at peace. My sister held onto the image of my dad and has known nothing but strife, turmoil and abuse in her relationships all of her adult life. We are estranged because I sought healing and she sought the fairytale my mother fed her. It’s sad, but it is what it is.

[@MIAKIM-d3j]

My sister travels all over the world for work, but still somehow manages to make appointments, online grocery shops (shopping), home meal delivery ( in case he doesnt cook), and somehow still make it home for basketball and football games.....and her husband....😑. She said when the children go to college, she is done with the whole marrige "thing" and that its overrated and wont miss it at all

[@BurbNBougie]

Thanks for sharing!!

[@the.masked.one.studio4899]

Audhd is Autistic & ADHD. We can be brutally honest, unintentionally. It’s a serious disability, so this is VERY hard to do alone. Both my daughter and I have this ❤️

[@txspacemom765]

I have a lot to say today! LOL The "He such a good person." thing. All I heard from his family and childhood friends was how good of a man he is. Yes, I bought into that bs- I was in a very different place at the time and I have learned a lot. When I walked away, they all propped him up as a good person, even though he is selfish, racist, rude and just plain mean- oh wait, so are they! HMMMMM! Birds of a feather.

[@cb9825]

Story 1 husband "works evenings". I think it is not a coincidence. He chose to work evenings so he doesn't have to be around the kids and do any parenting. He has the peace and quiet all day because they are at school and the wife is working. Then he leaves for work, returns home when everybody is asleep, and sleeps in the morning when the kids and wife get ready and might need help. This way he avoids interaction with his family and they can't ask him to do something with/for them.

[@thepoliticalcat]

NEVER, EVER have a baby "for a man." Once you've got the baby, he can do what he wants, because he damn well knows you will not leave your child.

[@queeniequeen949]

Whenever I see content like this I know it’s gonna juicy like a steak. It’s the ultimate birth control that I need every day. Thank You Jesus that I’m single and child free!!!!! 🥰🙌🏾💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

[@alli5078]

I don’t understand these parents who have children knowing very well that they will feel “too busy” to spend time with or raise the child. That’s on you. I made it very clear with my partner that he either needs to find a new job where he doesn’t travel or suck it up and learn to work in being a father (when we are ready). There will be no valid non life threatening excuses for not spending any time or putting in emotional labor with your child

[@queeniequeen949]

All of this. ALL of it!!!!!!!! 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

[@stardustborn9000]

These are the men that complain about being the atm of the family. That their family only goes to them for money. That's the role they want, that's the role they get. They make it clear to not expect anything else for them. Do more for your family to be thought as more than the human atm

[@no_peace]

Exactly. They cultivate the role and guard it, they fight for it. Then they play victim about it

[@aysyaw6038]

They want to play victim and be the hero at the same time and it don't work that way.

[@rn2787]

If he uses talking bad about other women to "complement" you, it isn't a complement. He just hates other women. One day, he will go in on you and either @buse you or hate you and use you to do the same to the next woman. You aren't the exception he's just a horrible person.

[@mnight30]

I live by this motto:" A promise is a comfort to a fool"

[@SubconsciouslyConsciouscarrot]

Off topic, just wanted to say red is definitely your power color! Really highlights your beauty ❤

[@BurbNBougie]

Oh thank you!

[@anabelsama]

My father is a wallet dad, that's his only contribution to my childhood, I barely have any memories with him. He knows nothing about me. He never put in the effort. He is from Spain. The dust is everywhere

[@AndyCroat-v6d]

'You are the company you keep.' Truth! Idk how she looks in the mirror everyday and doesn't see a racist reflected back at her.

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

All my memories of my parents are interractions we had together; reading, storytelling, playing, singing, travelling, outings and learning specific things from them.

[@laurenrobinson9257]

Kids speak the truth!!!

[@BB-gd7ez]

The last story is problematic, because he is of the race that his daughter will come out as at least partially. And the way genetics work any future babies can come out looking a variety of ways

[@b_melly]

I wish someone would have asked the guy in the comments to explain why the dad can’t just continue to lay around the house but when he does it, talk to the kids, watch a movie with them, or color with them while relaxing. Why isn’t that an pity for the the OP husband?

[@lacheregriffin-denton9946]

What gives me is that men don't consider the fact that women work as well and yet they still have to devote time to their children. So the fact that you said he works hard means what like the mother doesn't work hard? I'm not these men don't consider raising and rearing children is hard work! I don't care if that's her only job. She shouldn't be doing it alone. She didn't make the children alone so she shouldn't have to care for their emotional physical welfare alone

[@reneedennis2011]

Exactly.

[@ccannon1]

I wish I would have a child with a dude and he thinks he’s not going to take care of the child. Guess who’s about to get full custody

[@aysyaw6038]

I get the sentiment but I honestly feel like women should be getting split custody, contingent upon the man be mentally stable and mature enough to take care of his children. I think these men should understand what it's like 24/7. I also think they shouldn't be able to pawn the kids off on the grandmother, auntie, sister or whatever woman will put up with his bs if it's not strictly for work.

[@ShalomDove]

The married single mom stories fascinate me. How can so many men have been raised with no domestic skills? Of course, the answer is “boy moms”, but it’s still amazing to watch.

[@helletenbrix9614]

The first woman should learn from Iceland and turn the power game around. Find a job and leave the parenting and household to the husband for the next six years. After that they can negotiate how to move on, whether it's for six years or less.

[@sg5720]

How come these women never see who he is from dating stage? It is like the man gets married and. She expects him to change over night and be the perfect husband she always wanted? Women definitely need to change their mindset, cause men NEVER will. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@er6730]

But the point is, she doesn't want the kids to be raised in a "go watch your show and don't bother me" way. With an uninterested or overwhelmed parent who will feed them and keep them alive but mostly just try to lull them with screen time, the kids will survive, but it's not good for them! It would be crazy to leave your children to that sort of parenting for six years, it's a huge chunk of their childhood!

[@PlayerTenji95]

@@er6730yeah that’s true. The quality of the parenting would have to be upped for something like that to be feasible.

[@helletenbrix9614]

@@er6730 The point is: she was on the fence, it was he who wanted those kids. Let him take responsibility. And a vasectomy.

[@redsunflower8999]

My question is for the women who continue to have more children with the men even after noticing that the man isn’t participating in raising the first child….why!? Why have more kids that are gonna be neglected with that man? Why add more stress to your life!? Why?😏

[@silverbluemonsoon]

I know a lady like that. She is over 50 now. Wonderful, kind, cute woman who built a career and life for herself. But she came from a family where her mother doesn't love her. She is used to accommodating people, so it shifts your expectations of what is normal. Anyway, she was miserable with him and knew it by the time the first one was born. But by then she felt trapped. She went on to have 3 more because, to her, they were the silver linings of her marriage. She didn't feel like she could leave, so she created a purpose for herself. Then she still had to flee in the middle of the night with nothing but the kids' bedding when he started getting violent.

[@KaylakayXx]

Gurrrrllll… when I have I have been there and done ALL of this…. Got the t-shirt👚& the hat!!!! 👒 Lawd have mercy! I love us GenX woman for changing the paradigm and teaching our sons 👦🏽 + daughters 👧🏽 an evolved, enlightened perspective! Sigh Xx, wishing you all blessings & abundance! ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@LessIsMoreXOXOXOXOX]

@BurbNBougie OMG did you say "paper plate" and "Ash Guardian"?. You just gave me two new terms to add to our coded language. I swear I laughed for at least five minutes with tears. You are the best!

[@BurbNBougie]

Lol 😂

[@TheePrincessBrat]

The child reading his dad like that was on point. Reminds me of the time I was expecting something my dad had gotten my hopes up for. Then it wasn’t there and I was like “you’re a liar 😶”. He said not to say that lol but he didn’t say I was wrong 💀. Still lyin to this day smh That guy in comments smh. A hit dog will holler. He was either raised that way and he doesn’t want to question his belief and/or he acts like that himself. Oh wait..you just read the part where he said it’s normal in his country. There you go 🙄 This is why I will not have a child unless it’s something I am 110% sure I want, without factoring in a partner

[@TheePrincessBrat]

Social media is validating women’s experience. Men will convince you that you’re crazy and it’s just you. But you see that It’s not AND you can do something about it

[@TheePrincessBrat]

Last post: They (the preferences) try to lie like they don’t feel good about being elevated above WOC. A lot do and it’ll really come out whenever they see a WOC that triggers their insecurities and who could be a romantic rival. I think this is also a product of society always pushing women to give men a chance and not be seen as mean/judgmental/bitter.

[@remnant1018]

For the Reddit where the kid said his father was lazy… remove the wife from the picture and the part where the kid said “you’re usually lazy”. How would you feel about this “dad”? Go with that. For the Reddit where it was an interracial couple… remove the chick from the picture and assess the guy’s behavior towards the women of his race? How do you feel about that? Go with that. What I’m noticing muddles up the whole thing is people being too close to the situation. Take a step back and look again. Or simplify the situation and look again. As they say, sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees. Commenter in that first story couldn’t see what the women were saying because he was looking at it from the dad’s perspective. Step back from the picture and what do you see? A dad who avoids engaging his own children. That’s not parenting; that’s just producing and then sponsoring. His kid might not’ve had the right terminology, but he drew attention to the fact that his dad usually is not involved and the dad didn’t like it. Another angle is this: a lot of people will tell bully or abuse victims to imagine an innocent receiving the same treatment. Sometimes that jolts the person out of their fog because they would never want their pet, child, sibling, or friend to be treated the same way. “He’s a good person but..” but your closeness is getting in the way of you seeing things clearly.

[@jltdqw]

Paying the bills, doesn’t absolve you from being an involved parent. Sr, you are paying the bills on the house you live in. So when mom works is she absolve from parenting? No, why is that? Why the expectation from women is always harder? Men, put a plate away and expect a parade.

[@happygolucky9004]

I think the woman saying "he's a good person" is really her trying to convince herself. I don't think it's always that they enjoy feeling superior to other women. It could be that most women have internalized dismissing their own feelings. They have been taught to question their own thoughts as well. So I think she's dealing with cognitive dissonance.

[@EmyN]

Not that comment defending that deadbeat dad to death 💀

[@Holisticallycarol]

Regardless, when home, Dad, get off the phone and parent, working is one thing, your time at home is for the family. you know, those kids he wanted.

[@vanaphill2454]

The kid doesn't see Dad work so that's lazy to him. Dad does nothing at home.

[@FireSilver25]

My father rarely worked AND neglected the hell out of us kids. He wanted to pass on his genes and have someone to take his stress out on but didn’t spend quality time with us. Even after the divorce he’d dump us off in front of a TV and hang out with his friend somewhere for HOURS. We just weren’t a priority for him. But I’ve heard so many stories of fathers who worked hard AND made sure their kids knew they were a priority. Ladies, pay attention to where a man’s attention is actually directed. Talk is cheap.

[@ET.Montana]

Where you go from here is..... Divorce!!!! Run girl run 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️💨💨💨

[@Caram3l_Bombsh3ll]

Providing for your family is not a reason to not be present and involved. Single parents have to work to provide AND still be a parent. It’s unfortunate how some people will literally beg for kids but when they get here, they don’t care for them.

[@Niccy26]

Yes I picked up the same vibes as you for the interracial couple. It's sad how much some people hate themselves

[@boparks3204]

If someone treats their children with less care and attention than their job, they are only saying they dont care about their children. If they are okay not making their a children a priority, children should never make you a priority either.

[@Pinkapotomus]

My husband works hard, full time job, and 2-3 part time jobs to provide for us and still is an involved dad. He works a paper route overnight once a week and it was our daughters first school game that night- he did his route, came home and slept for a few hours then we drove an hour and a half to watch her and back home. She would have completely understood him being too tired to make it, she would have not thought twice about it. But she KNOWS, her daddy shows up and is interested in her and supports her. That first dad, needs to get a clue or he’s going to have kids that don’t like him soon.

[@TheReader19]

I just hope the krusty kang in the second second story leaves that woman at work alone 😔

[@cierrajohnson1006]

For the last story- how can he be a feminst but hate certain women??!!!! And then they have kids, and then she will be complaining about how he hates his daughter because she looks like him 😂 make it make sense? And yes I definitely think he is an ash guardian!

[@Indyghurl]

I relate to how the OP in story 2 felt. Life was so much easier, the weight was lifted from me, i literally physically felt lighter when i left

[@LisaSoulLevelHealing]

This is why when my father passed away. I TRULY did not care..i had more of a relationship with my neighbor than him. Neanderthal. 2nd story - well, I like divorced coparenting way better than married parenting 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@comkver]

That should definitely be a question we ask when they say they want children. I know that they can lie but they don't really know what that looks like. I know that that my mom would just toss us onto my dad while he was asleep from working nights. She would make him get involved: she'd beg him to take one of us. She could handle one of us but not two. He'd get the hint and take both of us. Sometimes, he'd take one of us to visit his family and let us play with our cousins. The care that my father would give us was not the same.

[@Userinterfaceexperience]

12:46 I read this story the other day

[@vonnii1013]

I had to lmao at his person trying to help that dad.....if my son said that to me i would tighten up...ie make conscious effort to hang out and get to know my child..but this dad got mad lol foh...this is DEFINITELY THE F AROUND N FIND OUT AGE OF AQUARIUS.....lol so here for it

[@the.masked.one.studio4899]

For some reason I can’t edit, but I also wanted to say that there are a lot of undiagnosed autistic fathers. It’s genetic and is nearly always passed from a parent. He could be going through autistic burn out (that’s what it sounds like). If this is the case he needs serious help! But he is the only one who can change his life. Not to excuse it. My daughters father basically disappeared and I was too flexible for too long because of his trauma and disabilities. I had to choose my daughter as a priority over him. It’s important to have grace for us with disabilities, but there has to be a limit.

[@lacheregriffin-denton9946]

I don't necessarily agree with not blaming the women because through your actions you are condoning their behavior and even if the guy is lazy and the mama's boy and he doesn't know how to clean up after himself, is he willing to learn or is he so stubborn that he feels like he's not going to do it? I mean because if you were with someone that you can't compromise with and that refuses to learn how to elevate themselves, then yeah I would say divorce worthy. I'm not going to stay with someone who's going to drag me down who was going to wear me down to the point where I have now health issues and everything else because he doesn't want to get off his lazy butt and help with the chores. Some of these women have been so conditioned to think this way. That is really sad.😢

[@Kat-h6s]

It's the old belief that as long as they're providing men don't have to do anything else. The people in your life need more than just your money.!!

[@zk6019]

when i gave my brother the chore of wheeling the trash out once a week, he didn’t do it at all. i even told him to set an alarm for that day every week. well he didn’t. when i told him our trash wasn’t collected he yelled at me that i djdn’t remind him… and my sister agreed 💁🏻‍♀️ but he was a silly teen, not my adult husband.