3 things NOT to say to someone in a wheelchair...and what to say instead

I know you think you're being nice. I really do. But please stop saying these things to people with disabilities.
Don't worry...I'll let you know what to say instead!
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[@edl5731]

This advice can be applied more broadly than just people in a wheelchair, but for anyone who have challenges.

[@EmpoweredPara]

yeah it's really for anyone with a disability or challenge that is visible.

[@realemonful]

Yep, 100%! This woman is being very selfish!!!!!

[@EmpoweredPara]

@realemonful I was speaking for myself in this video because it's not right to assume other people like/dislike the same things as me. I believe many people can relate to what I'm saying if they have other forms of disability but I can't speak FOR them. I would think it's more selfish to assume what others feel than to simply speak about what I know to be true for myself. BTW, I was the one that made the comment that you were replying to acknowledgimg that my video applies to others with disabilities. Just in case you didn't catch that 😉.

[@crazydavec3861]

​@@EmpoweredPara I like to call these things "individual landmines" - we can guess based on prior knowledge what's going to be the wrong thing to say (e.g. by being informed from watching a video 😉) - be it concerning disability, race, gender, sexuality etc. these are standard landmines we should really know about. After that there are individual landmines, the only way to find those is to go over them! - e.g. the one wheelchair user I have known well had a particular attitude to money that created a situation (an individual landmine) - smoother next time as I knew it was there! 👍 Beyond that on account of my appearance I've had a very specific phrase thrown at me on three separate occasions "Why don't you cut your hair off so little girls with cancer can have wigs?" some folks are always gonna find them and set them off... repeatedly! If someone is making a reasonable effort not to be offensive it's a good idea to make a reasonable effort not to be offended by them I find - which I'm sure you do! 👍

[@mauricioliscano847]

I hate the "you're so brave!" Bravery is about choice. Nothing motivates me more than being told I can't do something.

[@sofigrace5055]

I hate it too, when people say I am such an inspiration. That is especially bad if it is not a total stranger. Being an inspiration to someone is a responsibility. If they then see, and your not being inspirational...then you feel like you let them down.

[@Crappler1989]

One of my favorites is "you must not want it enough, or didn't try hard enough".

[@nygirlinancworld1628]

My brother told me that. I told him that he doesn't understand spinal cord injuries and isn't a doctor. He shut up after that,

[@Jack-pu4rf]

You may be in a wheelchair but you cope really well with your disability, I know that you have no choice but you are helping others to cope with life who happen to be in a similar position, you are straight forward and I like you for that.

[@EmpoweredPara]

Thanks! Gotta keep truckin'

[@ghughghugh]

Your delivery is perfect! Right to the point, but totally fair and understanding while educating some of us who have delivered some of these, albeit with good intentions. I'm definitely guilty of the "inspiration" line in general! 😬 It makes sense how you describe it comes across from your perspective. So, I love how you use your mindset and voice to make better people out of us. That's awesome.

[@EmpoweredPara]

thanks for keeping an open mind!

[@michellegreen5312]

Your videos are very interesting & fun to watch….. so many other channels are boring when I thought they wouldn’t be. But….. your channel is fun content

[@scottdelong1]

Total agreement. I've gotten the same thing from oblivious able bodied people. Especially annoying is when when they drag their god into it. The implication is that my life is not worth living because I am paralyzed. People with no knowledge of spinal cord injuries tell me all I need is prayer and faith. "Never give up hope." Yikes! I have tried to enlighten them but they just don't get it. And please forgive me and I hope I'm not being inappropriate but I can't help it. You have the most incredible eyes I've ever seen.

[@marvinbenjamin234]

I totally agree about the eyes, and I also love her perspective. Her husband is a very fortunate man, along with being a kind and gentle assistant.

[@melissaz6778]

Yep. I've been told all I need to do is pray, or I'm disabled because I don't go to church (funny how that works since I was born disabled, not became disabled later...)

[@noemidemelo8959]

@@melissaz6778 I'm sorry that you had to deal with such horrible people. I hope that you're living your best life and not giving a thought to those religious bigots. Much love and care from Spain 😍😘

[@cynthialewis2096]

I can't imagine!! I hate that .. i couldn't have imagined it 5 years ago either, but i never would have said that. It makes me feel so alone and hopeless when someone says that to me

[@westiepower2020]

Interesting video. As an A-B, I had to think and I hope I’ve never said anything close to these. My wife is disabled, and while I’ve never heard her face these statements, I also know by some of the looks we get, that some people have thought about saying the 3rd one to her. I love that you explained each of them, and then also gave suggestions on what is a better thing to say.

[@endtimeawakening5557]

Good points, Brittany. What do we tell a person in their 90's with a body that's completely worn out with age... hang in there, they'll find a cure to this aging thing any day now? We're all guilty of saying the wrong thing because words are more powerful than we really know. What we say comes from the Heart [Subconscious Mind]. "Out of the mouth, the Heart speaketh." I love your honesty and straightforward approach, Brittany! Have a wonderful day, sweetheart! ❤️

[@EmpoweredPara]

lol yeah saying that to a 90 year old might not go over well. Just say aging sucks and that all the wear and tear is a sign that they've made it this far without dying haha.

[@sinjon]

You nailed my top three pet peeves. The big one is telling me I’m inspirational. I agree that it’s better if it’s said like I admire this or that about you, or you did that really well.(never follow that up with “for someone in a wheelchair”) I also despise the word crippled

[@EmpoweredPara]

Inspiration is the easiest compliment for people to think of I guess. Sounds pretty weird to say "I admire you for being in a wheelchair" lol. I so badly want to freak someone out someday and say I'm a drug dealer or something lol. See if they still find me inspiring haha

[@edl5731]

@@EmpoweredPara I am pretty sure most of them are saying, "I admire you for not giving up and overcoming your disability" *I* don't admire you for being in a wheelchair, but *I* do admire you for the positive message of this channel. Why would I admire you for something that isn't your choice? I don't admire Victor Frankle for being a victim of Nazi anti-Semitism, I admire him for his book "Man's Search for Meaning"

[@sinjon]

@@EmpoweredPara hahaha I love that. Please do. I’d love to know their response.

[@EmpoweredPara]

@ed l I know lol. I'm mostly just being facetious!

[@virginiamoss7045]

This is just great! I wish the internet and folks like Empowered Para were around long ago when the Americans with Disabilities Act was finally passed back in 1990. I am a retired commercial space planner and the act made major changes to the building codes that I had to learn and that just made so much sense to me. Unfortunately, there was major push-back and grumbling at the bother and cost of ramps, larger restrooms, clearances at doors, etc., etc., etc. that made office space higher in square footage (higher in rent) or simply more costly to build. I designed office space primarily and with nearly every job I had to explain and defend why all these things had to be done and why. I learned that most people are selfish, especially men who would get really angry and try every way around the requirements; I can't remember any women business owners who objected. Educating the public is essential and "E.P." is doing just that.

[@EmpoweredPara]

Yes! Finding ways to make people like you so that they actually want you as a customer is my strategy lol. We also have to find ways to relate to people so that they don't feel that we are different than they are. Disability can happen to anyone so helping someone understand that the accessibility affects everyone is important.

[@westiepower2020]

There was lots of good advice in this video, and I saw the good in people up close yesterday. A woman using a scooter and with a visible AFO, was arriving back to her car to unload a full order of groceries. I was 2 cars past her so I quietly and politely asked her if she needed any assistance. She said she did not need help, then 2 more people right after me also asked her. Sometimes I’m surprised at how you say most people are so kind, but yesterday proved what you say. Thanks Brittney!

[@heatherscott2988]

Well said!!! In my experience, having an invisible disability is way worse than being healthy and not being able to walk. We can't hide our disability and therefore people feel all sympathetic as though not walking is the worst thing ever, but many of us are healthier than a lot of the people we meet in public, and they don't get people running across a store to open the door for them. They don't get to cut the line. We've kinda got it good in my opinion. It's all about perspective!

[@EmpoweredPara]

Totally agree, there are so many reasons that having a disability is a blessing. I'll take good parking, kind people (even if they say the wrong thing sometimes), and forced resourcefulness!

[@colleenchapman8652]

Recently was cruising in the Caribbean and I had a woman say “wow you are so strong” and it struck a cord because I have heard the same things as you over the last 30 years! It was so refreshing and appreciated.

[@Neppy22]

I have chronic migraines (currently multiple a week. It's awesome really) and had to reschedule lunch with a couple of family cos migraine misery. So of course my migraines came up during lunch and I had to shatter MIL with having already tried the uncommon treatment of botox (worked alright but cost was was not worth it) and my brother said if he was in that level of pain as often as I am he'd have already killed himself. Thanks brother that makes me feel great! At least they both recognise that I have an actual illness that is serious and not curable just treatable at this stage unlike folks telling me to drink more water to fix it...

[@EmpoweredPara]

Yeah I'll never understand why someone thinks it's helpful to tell us they'd kill themselves. Way to validate that our life is hard and not worth living 😕

[@billgrabbe9992]

You are not alone. My wife has has had chronic daily migraines (in addition to other stuff) for 20+ years, and the struggle is VERY real. She can't work, or even leave the house except for doctors visits and to get her head shaved. And it weighs on family as well as her. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me, "Has she tried xxx?" or "Does she know about xxx?" or "Is she doing any better?" I'd have to rent a storage bin like Walter White did in Breaking Bad. Fortunately, she can still laugh and take joy the accomplishments of our sons. Plus, they've learned to be very supporting life partners, and some of our friends find inspiration (oops. . . ) in how we manage to stay together and find ways to enjoy life together despite her challenges. I find myself having to constantly remind her that she has served a worthy purpose in this world, despite seeing herself as pretty helpless. I wish you much joy and purpose.

[@jhors7777]

Thank you for posting this helpful video Brittney. You are a fabulous communicator and have interesting videos.

[@medic13601]

You are inspirational just living your life, you could have just given up and not even try to live your life. One part of your life you don't have anymore but that does not make you less than a person. You have your mind, heart still able to give of yourself.

[@EmpoweredPara]

100%!

[@wheelerdave]

I get #2 so often, ive really just tuned it out; not saying i dont hear it i just let it go in one ear and out the other. When i get it in stores(grocery mostly) 6 times out of 10 it involves me being given money for being an inspiration. Few years ago i was in Walmart I was with a family friends sister, my friends daughter, and the sisters baby pushing a cart and an older woman(i was in my mid 30's and i suck at guessing ages, so older then me) walked up and started talking directly to me(completely ignoring the 2 AB young women and baby with me). She'd been following us for a while, you know how you just feel you're be watched a lot. Anyway she comes right and literally says that im an inspiration for 1) pushing my own cart from a wheelchair, and 2) for having a "normal" family{i can only assume she was talking about the 1 wheelchair and 2 walking people}. Before she leaves she palms me a $100 bill and says "God bless people like you", i just sat there for a minuet totally deer in the headlights; trying to comprehend what had occurred. She was gone before i could even acknowledge the money, so we used it for the groceries we had planned to buy anyway. Sorry didnt intend for it to be that long, but once i start its hard to find the brakes.

[@melissaz6778]

You get money? I get rosary beads lol

[@AndrewSchulz-jg2hr]

Spot on! I can't tell you how many times I have said "my life isn't any better or worse, It's just different".

[@NoyPi6step]

I have been a wheelchair user for a year and a half now. I just recently dove into the disability side of social media and i'm glad i came across your channel. You have been so transparent which I have struggled with since I am new to being in the wheelchair. I am still continuing PT and OT , and on top of that seeing a mental health counselor to address my trauma and anger towards what happened to me. Being a human is so interesting, crazy, and I am just taking it day by day. Thank you for what you do. In my opinion, I have gained a ton of perspective and being nice to people is easy. I am with you with the inconvenience of daily living, BUT, it doesn't mean I am not happy,.

[@EmpoweredPara]

This life is definitely hard at times, but so beautiful too if you allow yourself to let go of the anger:) Give yourself time. It's get easier!

[@charlymoses]

thanks for your explanations; it's helped me to understand that shouldn't be any reason that justifies abortion for malformations.

[@gerrymasterman5766]

When I say that you are inspiration it is meant to be the biggest compliment that I can bestow upon you. You inspire people to NOT wallow in their own self pity like so many people do

[@EmpoweredPara]

Thank you! You did it the right way and told me WHY you find me inspiring!

[@krammet]

you NAILED it!!! I hate being called an "inspiration". I have even been THANKED for going to a concert....by an audience member.

[@EmpoweredPara]

omg lol. That person would fit in well with the people that ask to pray for us haha.

[@samfish4007]

My life sucked for several years before I got a wheelchair, almost killed myself before being stuck in bed in pain. Just got my first active lightweight wheelchair and feel free again no pain and not struggling to walk. It's been one week since I have my wheelchair it feels easy after years of struggling a new lease on life and am very happy, no more pain no more wanting to kill myself.

[@EmpoweredPara]

What a great perspective. Your wheelchair restored your freedom, instead of taking it away which is what so many people feel.

[@user-bk4kp8bo5s]

I’m so proud of you. I love the way you’re bringing up your children every time you see them they are smiling and enjoying heaven and they love being with you. Have a great day.

[@EmpoweredPara]

Thank you 😊. I'm not a perfect mom buy I try to be a good one!

[@Lost_and_found85]

Thanks for the video Britt, very helpful

[@davidz6490]

Thank you for your video. People need to learn how to properly say things to people with challenging disabilities! From having a blind cousin and knowing people in a wheelchair and knowing people who are mentally challenged, I have learned that they are able to make the best of it because they are very resourceful! You are a very strong young lady who is making a difference by your channel! God bless!

[@Ringmaster101]

Being in my chair is normal & I love normal - most folks have hidden problems, mine are about wet pants in public or the bus passing me by in the wet weather- people are people & not always that thoughtful at times ❤ educating them one person at a time is my mission ❤ it will take all of us in chairs to help them

[@FreddotheWheelchairGuy]

Although it’s hugely relatable, I have made peace with the things people say and I think it’s more practical to have some canned responses to things that annoy you, than to wish others communicate differently. Maybe we can discuss this on the podcast 😊

[@EmpoweredPara]

It's definitely more practical on a day to day basis to just have responses ready. I'm not launching into a lecture with people that stop me in the grocery store and call me I inspirational about what they should say instead lol. But that's the beauty of a platform. If people happen to click on my video and learn something then they'll think twice next time they go to say these things maybe. I think this is a great conversation to have!

[@FreddotheWheelchairGuy]

@@EmpoweredPara couldn’t agree more 😊👍

[@DennisRichardH]

Right on, ride on!

[@EmpoweredPara]

Love that phrase!

[@jadeybabes33]

I am able bodied but I find your videos so fascinating and your open personality is so refreshing! Your vids help me be a better friend and support person for those around me with disabilities and I learn so much! Thank you. You're just a gem!

[@mickokeefe9592]

I really understand this commentary, I used to be & do athletic things and after my injury I never will again. I get the "sympathy" comments' which are form of disguised pity. I have struggled hard to get where I can function pretty well and I'm proud of it! So congratulations' are much more empowering than the some of other comments! Keep posting it really helps in let more ways than you think 😘

[@stevemone7318]

Hi Brittany this is Steve in Glen Burnie. I've had CP my whole life. I was married for 22 years and my wife divorced me. And now no one wants to touch me because I'm disabled. The girl for a date and she said I just want to be friends. Thanks love your content.

[@EmpoweredPara]

Awe that's hard. Stay in the game though. I think that's the only way to play. And remember that theor rejection isn't a reflection of your self worth!

[@satanmessenger361]

NEVER GIVE UP KEEP GOING BEING IN A WHEELCHAIR IS NOT A BAD THING IT WILL GET BETTER AS TIME GOES ON

[@ChrisDoyle2112]

Well stated. Thanks, that was helpful.

[@jools1001]

Really useful informative video. Thankyou for sharing your tips and ideas.

[@EmpoweredPara]

You're welcome! thanks for watching!

[@marylightfoot4817]

So enjoy ur videos. So glad I found ur channel. You are so well spoken. Thank you.🙂

[@EmpoweredPara]

Glad you like them! Thanks for watching!

[@westiepower2020]

This was such a good constructive video! My wife and I loved it!! Hope you make more of these!

[@fredricjulien8738]

Thanks for the advice, Brit. I think it's cool how you express what annoys you, and what you like to hear. I don't go on the Tic Toc. Too much negativity.

[@EmpoweredPara]

It's literally the wild west of social media. Never know what you're gonna get on TiKTok!

[@blackbelt721]

I agree completely!!!

[@jr49022]

Thank you. I've always had a hard time dealing with things like this -- I for some reason get told I'm a "hero" for getting my wheelchair in and out of my car. Not heroic. And there was no heroism involved in why I'm in a chair. I love those people, but it does sometimes bother me.

[@EmpoweredPara]

Yeah it's almost patronizing to be told we're inspirational or heroic for doing mundane things .

[@cargopilotguy305]

You’re very pretty.

[@yurizhivago4848]

I find the way you live and adapt to your life situation inspiring. However we live in a world of 4 word Tweets and texts and people have lost the art of communication or never had it in the first place. That and very few people are inspiring so I would take their comment with a grain of salt and be glad they even think that way.

[@EmpoweredPara]

I try my best:) I'd rather someone think I'm inspiring than thunk I'm awful lol.

[@GAINZonWHEELS]

🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻 so true, hope is a illusion, illusion, is not real, not real are fairytales… life today and enjoy the day that’s a fact, that’s the only true, tomorrow is a surprise and wil maybe never come.. big Hugh from Holland..

[@Tony_Ca.]

The one I get from able-bodied people is "Just looking at you makes all my troubles go away."... I'm sure they mean it in a nice way as in they could be worse off... My reply is "Well, my job is done here."... Good info! All the best.

[@EmpoweredPara]

Yep we are their comparison and reminder of what they have. Job done just for being us haha

[@anismebtouche7108]

It's really a helpful video I find it positive for the practical advices that we non disabled people can be provided with For the purpose of motivating disabled people and motivating each other generally regardless of our outward differences

[@arsolblanes5058]

Totally agree with you, I add an expression that I have had to hear "I couldn't be in a wheelchair, I am a very active person" as if the reason why wheelchair users continue is because they have been inactive people before ending up using the chair🤬, once I couldn't be as diplomatic as usual and I answered "well, I'm currently more active than you so imagine before!" the truth we learn to be patient but how difficult they make it for you sometimes! great of you to substitute inspiration for inclusion or universal accessibility, I'll use that, thanks ♿👌👏

[@EmpoweredPara]

I am so much more active than most of the able bodied people I know. I often think to myself that many of those people would adjust to life in a chair pretty easily because they're always sitting around anyway lol.

[@arsolblanes5058]

@@EmpoweredPara Yes, I am also more active now than before using a chair, I continue to do the same but with the extra effort, that is what I was referring to, it is difficult to explain the nuances with my level of English, the person who found himself unable to use a chair because She is a person who could not stop doing things, very similar to the expression "if it happened to me, she would kill me." My answer was that when I am in a chair I am more active than her, because even doing the same activity, the preparation and effort is older, I don't know if I have explained myself better now 😅 I resumed the sport, I returned to be Sensei in the Dojo, I use adapted techniques, I work in a legal defense institution for people with disabilities, I currently collaborate in the radio section, I have participated in a series, I take care of my family, I help in animal shelters, cyclically I have to slow down a lot for a while, but I have done things that I would never have had the opportunity to do, a hug to Margaret I hope she is better 🤗♿ I'm not going to write ibir long texts when translated lose meaning 😅, best Egyptian hieroglyphics of the SXXIII 👌👏👏👍😂😂

[@monkeychicken27]

YES YES YES! Inspirational grocery shopping! Why do we get this? The person isn’t going up to AB’s saying this. Saying this to perk me up…but the only logical sense I can make of why I’d be getting this as a chair-user is that this person thinks of me as lesser. If I was thought of as an equal, there’d be no reason to say anything., like all the other people also buying food. What I really want an explanation to is why I’m looked at as the rude one for a snarky comeback like, “great. You go be inspired and quit bothering people.” Complete separate rant: can we please stop saying this about the “guy born with no arms that paints amazing scenes with his feet.” (Adapt the specifics) This guy was born this way, he doesn’t know any different, so yeah, he’s just painting . Y’all think it’s IMPRESSIVE, say that. The painting is good. It is impressive. But if the canvas looked like a preschooler’s sloppy mess…? A painter doesn’t paint with her hands…she just paints. You use what you train. There’s a case to say this guy is puzzled why AB’s have stupid feet that can’t do anything dexterous. Am I the only one? Is it me? It might be me. I’m okay if it’s me.

[@brin57]

How about this one - "I hurt my back and was in a wheelchair once. I know how you feel" !! . Maybe people could just resist the urge to go up to a stranger and give you some comment of how they see you. That's just not a normal thing to do. Hey, if you see me looking at the high shelf in the supermarket, you could ask if I needed anything got down. I'll always appreciate that. Apart from that, don't say anything you wouldn't to any other stranger.

[@johnvelas70]

About 5 or 6 years ago I was sitting in a wheelchair ( the only thing available) & a flatlander told his friend "how sad, I am lacing up boots I'll not walk in." 3 mental coin tosses later I decided not to uncork a left.

[@TeethToothman]

I love this and I love your channel!! ❤❤❤

[@theresapittman205]

0:45 this triggered a memory of Molly Burks video about the medical model of disability versus the social model of disability. Before watching that video, it annoyed me that my Hulu defaulted to closed captioning being always on. After watching that, I happily adjust the setting for my family’s needs. I’d love to see your take on the medical model versus the social model. Mostly because I’d like more people who don’t live with disabilities to understand that if we make the world more accessible to everyone, then people with disabilities are ABLE. ( people who comment after less than a minute of the content, right?)

[@donnalichtfuss7527]

How about you do some videos on how to make the world more inclusive? What things can we do to help?

[@susietopspin]

Amen sister. Just know that mostly these comments, when said come from a caring place which I know you know. Great video.

[@michaelganzer3684]

Thank you, Brittney! You've just reminded me of training my rhetoric skillset and the art of persuasion more often. Nicely delivered! :) Time for me to dig up the Tools Appendix in 'Thank You for Arguing' from Jay Heinrichs. On the other hand I think there is enough confirming evidence to say that your experience with those persons matches perfectly with 'The Basic Laws of Human Stupidity'. Self-centered thinking and comparison lead to many lose-lose or win-lose situations. So stay strong and happy with any new Social Media excursions. :)

[@karenbailey9778]

Thanks heaps for doing this. I sometimes cringe at things people say! BTW you do your makeup so well.. you should do a tutorial on that ! Seriously! 😊

[@EmpoweredPara]

Lol, I literally just fill in my eyebrows with a bit of shadow and then put mascara on. Not really tutorial worthy haha.

[@karenbailey9778]

Lol looks real pro though ! 😊

[@MichelleH_]

Great video!! (All of your videos are great btw 😊) But I loved that you not only talked about the issues…but you gave solutions.

[@EmpoweredPara]

Nothing worse than being told not to do something without being told how to fix it lol! I thought I better have solutions for people if I'm gonna correct them.

[@davegoodridge8352]

Good advice, Thank you

[@Ozzie4Para]

It seems like the older I'm getting the more sympathy I'm receiving from people when I'm out in public. Mainly from when I'm getting my wheelchair out of my car when I'm out and about. People always asking me if I need help unloading and loading my chair. I always tell them, "No thanks, I'm good".

[@morgancalvi6675]

I find it to be just the opposite. It's all about money today. Karma. Let them help you.

[@threewins3]

I don’t think people who ask you if you need help are being sympathetic or even feeling sorry for you. I believe good people just want to offer help. I feel good when people offer to help me, it makes me feel good about mankind. 😊

[@morgancalvi6675]

@@threewins3 I think those who use a wheelchair sometimes go over board with the 'I don't need help'...some of them get down right mad. Why? If people want to be good...let them be good. It beats all the crime in the world today.

[@threewins3]

I feel seen when people offer to help. It is very difficult for me to open doors. I feel good when people recognize I’m having difficulty and help.

[@morgancalvi6675]

Same here...I always try to help others...I figure do unto others as you would have others do unto you....

[@grant4176]

Great points! Thanks for taking the time to educate. We all need to realize we are all differently able in one way or another. Wording matters! 🌻

[@EmpoweredPara]

They do! People rarely think about how their words make people feel. They think about their own intention behind the words but often not how they might be interpreted!

[@grant4176]

@@EmpoweredPara I agree! Yep!

[@paulthornton893]

Thank you! Well said! You’ve helped me a lot dealing with things! 👍🇦🇺

[@ChaiLatte13]

Thank you for this. Able bodied people don't know what to say because all they know is ableism. I have a chronic illness and still I don't know what to say to myself and others who are struggling, so this was helpful.

[@Jeriann-027]

This was informative, and super helpful Thanks!

[@ThisNameWasTooLon]

Genuinely honest question here... if you were out in public and were having a hard time doing something.. maybe you dropped something and it was slightly out of reach (or whatever the case).. do you prefer if people just let you figure it out/do it yourself (even if it was like 20x faster for me to just pick it up for you), or would you prefer if someone asked if you needed help, or would you prefer if someone passing by just sorta picked it up for you without making a deal about it (sort of casually.. like.. even if a non-para dropped a pen or whatever.. usually a first reaction is to just pick it up for them). Im curious what your preference is, and what makes you feel most comfortable, and NOT feeling like other ppl see u as being less able or whatever? Same question for other things like holding doors etc. I want to be helpful, but I dont want to intrude on your independence... and i never know what option is better.

[@rileywc8069]

OMG I absolutely loved this video!!!!!! Keep these messages coming!!!!

[@EmpoweredPara]

Thank you! Will do!

[@klasandersson7522]

I do not think these questions can count as peeves to annoy you, and why? : Because they are bloody stupid things to say to annyone! I am generally a happy person, I laugh a lot and enjoy life as much as possibly from my powerchair, BUT: There are times when it is mentally dark, I have had the thought to off myself and I do get frustrated and annoyed at the situation every now and then, what I do not need are comments like those from people who seems utterly contempt at going thru life without actually thinking a bit before they open their mouths! That is my big peeve I get supe annoyed at people who are stupid without being unintelligent... 😉 But heck, I still look forward to the next laugh. the next good pizza, a nice roll by the water, sunshine on my face and a lot of other things, I´m not done yet, I still have lots of things on my bucket list! Thank you for being you, you are a nice ambassador for a lot of people who do not have the strength, courage or will to go public like you do, and we love you for that!

[@joezabel-es6xi]

Why my wife hates it when people tell me I'm an inspiration. I love it because I know I'm about to see her do a huge eye roll. She want to tell them "I'm the one that held everything together while he just laid there!" (I spent 5 months in the hospital)

[@EmpoweredPara]

Haha I think the same thing when people compliment my husband ! It's a girl thing lol

[@CinkSVideo]

Yes…these things. People do need to hear this. Good grief…reporters definitely need to hear this. The tragedy trope is so overdone these days. I think I’ve aged into a lower tolerance for this form of ignorance. It’s not enough to “mean well” and the the recipient of your insensitive comments has to be okay with it. Do better. It’s just not that hard. It is literally the same (probably less) energy as being insensitive.

[@maxsundberg5818]

It’s good to learn what not to say to a disabled person ..this applies to everyone though. Everyone has different challenges but not everyone is treated the same or acts the same. Personal narratives are subjective although it’s good to be confident with who you are not everyone feels the same way. My question is why are there a ton of people with disabilities posting similar experiences but they feel empowered to change people. Yes I have been disabled since birth and have stretches of good and bad days but being empowered is more about how I want to feel not what others think of me.

[@EmpoweredPara]

I couldn't agree more. I think confidence has more to do with your beliefs about yourself than what others think of you. However, part of confidence is advocating for yourself and others. I believe part of my purpose is to educate others about life with a disability and that's what this video is about. Whether someone changes because they've watched my video is up to them.

[@maxsundberg5818]

@@EmpoweredPara as someone with a disability from birth it’s very different than an accident. People relate more to someone who was in a wreck or had a bad fall because they are more familiar with it. Not to say it’s a bad thing to share but it’s easier to relate to someone if they said I was in a car accident vs I was born with a birth defect. With most KZbin channels the more views and subscribers you have there is money involved which is an incentive to make as many videos as possible regardless of content. Lastly a handful of people really care about struggles or myths about another person . So the empowerment is more on the individual sharing not the viewer whose watching.

[@brianlowther5929]

well said girl. x

[@EmpoweredPara]

thanks!

[@carolarnold1016]

Question..for anyone in a wheelchair. Does it bother you when you are out in public and someone asks if you need any help? Like when you are getting yourself in or out of a car or needing something from a high shelf or taking your groceries out to the car. Is that a bad thing to ask? I would never want it to sound like I am implying that you can't do it by yourself. What would be the best way to approach and ask, if they need help.?Thank you

[@danacandek5767]

Hi, Personally, it doesn't bother me when people ask me if I need help. What does bother me is people not listening to me when I tell them I don’t. Thanks for asking.

[@tom_2ndlife]

Brittany I really think you should watch the part 10 I made... I know you had your injury super young. I was 41 and with that life experience I was able to recovery to the point of walking. I remember one video you said you didn't excercise for like 19 years? Well I excercised pretty much every single day since being paralysed.

[@billziegler9634]

Don't blindly use the words "suffers" or "suffering" Yes I have a disability, do I suffer from it? ...no

[@EmpoweredPara]

Amen!

[@joemyers5302]

"You're so inspirational" is inspiration porn, which is an actual thing with a wiki page. Last time I heard it I went out to town and was eating my lunch, that's all. Apparently my not staying home and going out to do something was enough to be called inspirational.

[@EmpoweredPara]

I know haha. Leaving the house is inspiration I guess lol. That's why I think if people actually had to think about what is inspiring them they'd have a harder time saying it out loud. "I admire you for being in a wheelchair and eating your lunch" sounds dumb out loud lol.

[@rollwiththepunches5932]

Who cares what people say, I've heard everything and I couldn't care less they are just words.... We are the most resilient and emotionally strong humans on the planet 💪 🧑‍🦼

[@EmpoweredPara]

true! I've learned to let most things just roll (lol) off my back!

[@theresapittman205]

What if I’m inspired by you courage to put your opinions out to the public, because I’m building up my courage to do likewise… oh, that’s a reason. Never mind. It’s almost like I asked the question as an excuse to say you’re inspiring.

[@caz3895]

Brave or inspirational are my two pet peeves. I know people mean well, so I don't say anything but still

[@ChrisChaquay]

What if after 10 years of SCI I still haven't gotten over that hump and everyday still feels bad and hopeless all the time

[@cpr58]

I am still very new to being in a wheelchair. Yes, life is hard right now. But things are slowly getting easier. in the last 48 hrs, I have heard just about all of these except the kill myself one. Two of them were said by Medical personal working with me.

[@waderegan6168]

I'm 41 & I was born with my disability & I have been getting those comments (among others) my entire life. I usually have a comeback for these comments. LOL The only one I don't know what to say to is that I'm an inspiration.

[@EmpoweredPara]

Yeah we can only really say thank you in those situations unless we want to look like an asshole lol

[@waderegan6168]

@EmpoweredPara I feel weird every time I say thank you to that. Don't get me wrong, I do say thank you every single time, but I say it so awkwardly because I feel weird getting praised for my everyday life. I had one bad experience at the gym who had good intentions, but his words were bad, say to me, " Seeing you here is inspiring. If you can do it, I have no excuses." I didn't know what to say to that, so I just said "cool", put my earbuds back in & continued my workout.

[@EmpoweredPara]

@waderegan6168 Yeah it is weird getting attention for doing everyday things. All we can do is try to be polite I guess. We should go up to random people and say they're an inspiration lol and see how they react.

[@mariethedicedragon5977]

Ok so like, I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user, and getting my first one that is mine. Just having the trial chair around for the couple weeks since I got it, I've gotten the "you must have been faking needing a chair yesterday because you're walking today" -_- for context it has felt like I'm walking on Legos since 2015 and my knees & hips like to dislocate... And I'm just getting my first wheelchair and listening to my body screaming as of October. I'm not borrowing a chair because once my chair is ordered my insurance won't cover a rental so honestly, I've become one with the Lego feeling over the years, and don't want to get completely used to not being in as much pain & then not have that while my chair is being ordered... So I only brought the trial chair to work like once... And the back is too tall, and we kind of made an 18 inch deep seat work when I'll probably need a 16 or 17, so the wheels are way off from where they should be... So not ideal for everyday use, but proof of concept is there.

[@crippletr0n477]

My most hated. "you're so brave"

[@EmpoweredPara]

I know lol, me too.

[@Ken_1957]

Try being told, I feel sorry for you. I've been doing this since 1985. I've heard it all. The pitty is what sets me off. I was told once I shouldn't be in public, that was in 1985, shortly after I left the hospital.

[@melissaz6778]

I get that one as well. I just reply with "Why? I'm not dying"

[@scottsteeves]

Why say anything other than what you would say to anyone else?

[@brin57]

Exactly - Top comment 👏👏👏

[@charles_wipman]

When i meet or are intruduced to someone witha dissability.. i say 'hi'; and i never reply to things that i wasn't asked, if you want my opinion..!? ask me, otherwise you'll get silence or everyday conversation. Have a good women's day

[@pwk22]

Here's one I've wondered. If a stranger in a chair is going the same place as you, or if a stranger in a chair is having trouble negotiating a curb or a ramp, is if offensive to offer to push them? No offense is intended, obviously.

[@EmpoweredPara]

I think it's awesome to offer to help no matter what the situation. I can't understand why anyone would get offended when someone is trying to look out for them! You'll run into the odd person that does get offended, but the majority of us are happy to be helped!

[@pwk22]

@@EmpoweredPara Good to know. Thanks.

[@matt67524]

If I approched you in a public setting I would say this. I would be like yo brit... wanna go out on a date... then you would be like.. no sorry I'm married... then ide be like... damn

[@MrOGREATWISEONE]

If I saw you in a supermarket here in Australia Britt, I would say “Can I support you by reaching for those nicer looking bananas at the back of the shelf?” 🤗 🐨 🦘🦘 💖

[@EmpoweredPara]

lol see someone knows how to speak to people in wheelchairs! Are you giving lessons lol?

[@MrOGREATWISEONE]

@@EmpoweredPara I’m just a learner Britt, you are the teacher. lol 😁 🐨 🦘🦘

[@antonleimbach648]

If someone wants to help a person in a wheelchair they should spend a week using a wheelchair.

[@gardiniaworld]

I hate the word disability and other ajectives like that.

[@keyup2626]

I just love being patted on the head. No I’m not an inspiration, Nor am I “Timmy” the poster boy for disability. It’s hard to bite your tongue at times, and you don’t want to come off as an asshol$ to people who say those things to you. I know most people do this without thought. Thank you Brittney for tackling this subject, it’s one that needs to be talked about.

[@zerofox1551]

"For pity's a crime, it ain't worth a dime To a person who's really in need Just treat 'em the same as you would your own name Next time that your heart starts to bleed"- John Prine, "Billy the Bum"

[@sisterrose6836]

A lot of wheelchair users hate to be called disabled also. Wheelchair-bound and confined to a wheelchair are two other sayings.

[@sisterrose6836]

Also using the term in a wheelchair is sometimes offensive also because when we are in bed or in the shower we are not in our wheelchair. I think that in a wheelchair implies that we cannot get out of it. Just my opinion.

[@westiepower2020]

The terms “wheelchair-bound” and “confined to a wheelchair” seem so wrong to me! A chair is freedom, it is independence!!

[@EmpoweredPara]

I guess wheelchair user is most accurate.

[@EmpoweredPara]

I hate the term wheelchair bound!

[@careshare3620]

We just need to appreciate the little things that we have instead of focusing on things that we do not have. This is how your life will turn into positivity and happiness. Always try to follow the half glass full attitude strategy: 1. Set your intention. 2. Perform an act of courage. 3. Reframe a challenge into an opportunity. 4. Avoid energy drainers. 5. Carry yourself like an optimist. 6. Lighten up. 7. Exercise.

[@chuckeelhart1746]

People are incredibly ignorant

[@sisterrose6836]

Why do people have to mention anything at all? Why do we have to be treated differently anyway? Why can't we have just a normal conversation and to not even talk about the wheelchair? Besides, you don't say anything like that when you see a person walking with a cane, so why would you say it with anything else?

[@pipesurfer3922]

Your such an inspiration

[@Crappler1989]

To me, why do people feel the need to say something yo us? Just say hi, or say nothing.

[@sammael8472]

Is it just the camera angle or are those doors kinda narrow for a chair accessible home?

[@EmpoweredPara]

My house sucks lol. It's not chair accessible at all. I make it work but it's not ideal. Door jams are so banged up

[@sammael8472]

​@@EmpoweredPara offset door hinges could give you a bit more space in doorways if you don't have them already. And yeah, anything "wheel-level" in the house is basically doomed to perpetual scuffing on doors, baseboards, etc. >⁠.⁠

[@GumbyPW]

@@sammael8472 I have removed all doors inside my home, except the guest bathroom door. But I'm old & live alone