$30k Mahr - How Much is Too Much?

In this video, Ameen discusses the concept of Mahr, a payment made by a husband to his wife during a Muslim marriage. Ameen discusses the common misconceptions surrounding Maher, such as viewing it as a representation of a woman's worth or as a burden on men. He emphasizes that the most important aspect of marriage is choosing the right partner and advises men to prioritize that over the amount of Mahr they pay. Ameen also advises men to view Mahr as a gift rather than a payment, and to approach spending on their wife with an attitude of expecting a reward for their love and generosity.
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WHO AM I?
I'm Ameen. I help Muslim men to become action takers, earn the respect of those around them and succeed in the dunya AND akhirah.
I make videos on Islamic masculinity, online business, confidence, marriage, hijrah and mental health.
MY STORY
I did Ok in my studies but lacked confidence, was isolated, and was terrified of getting stuck in the 9-5 corporate slave lifestyle when I finished uni. I really couldn't believe how I would ever make money or get married.
Now I'm married with kids alhamdulilah and have been running my own online business for the last 5 years.
I wrote a book on Islamic masculinity called "The Shepherd's Way" and since then have started a new project completely focused on helping young men with the challenges of today.
MIND HEIST
I also run a podcast called Mind Heist, sharing perspectives you probably haven't heard elsewhere alongside my co-host Mohamed. We discuss marriage, family life, technology, mental health, personal finance and more. We're on episode 183 and counting.
• Mind Heist Podcast - www.mindheistpodcast.com/
LINKS
► Get my book, The Shepherd's Way for free (Just pay shipping): www.theshepherdswaybook.com
► Watch my Free "Action-taker" training on how to do what you say you'll do: go.jointhefrontrow.com/action
#ReclaimOurPlace

[@aqil199]

My mahr was around $30, Alhamdulilah, i'm indonesian.... And alhamdulilah, we are good, it's been 5 years since i married, alhamdulilah i have built my own house, even it is not finished yet... But Alhamdulilah....

[@YellowSubCaptain]

Imagine paying for love 💀 a whole scam. Giving someone 30k THEN taking care of them for life. A scam.

[@JEAGERlST]

Are you a muslim? Btw almost every country and culture have this concept whether it's about a diamond ring, stock of animal or anything.

[@YellowSubCaptain]

@@JEAGERlST a ring for maybe $5k is different than giving someone $30,000 cash .

[@theonlygisma]

thank you. jazakallah khairan wa assalamualaikom

[@abdullahahmad9300]

Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/194: Whoever thinks of increasing his daughter’s mahr and asking for more than the daughters of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) were given - when they were the best women in this world in all aspects - is an ignorant fool. The same applies to asking for more than the Mothers of the Believers were given. This applies even if one is well off and can afford it. With regard to one who is poor, he should not give a mahr greater than he can afford to pay without any hardship.

[@raftai665]

It amazes me how few Muslims have even heard about Mahr Fatimi. The prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasallam said: “The best of mahrs is the simplest (or most affordable).” Narrated by al-Haakim and al-Bayhaqi, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3279.

[@ozzieone16]

Mahr Fatimi is reasonable and simple in the UK it is equivalent to just over £1,000 the Prophet SAW said make it simple not cheap and unreasonable like £1, £10, £100

[@uraharasshop3547]

I think it’s women who have the least to offer in terms of personality who often feel more entitled regarding your example of 5 pounds vs 30k. I think a percentage range is a good way of getting what’s needed. I’d like to know your thoughts. My thing is it’s a gift, I’m not buying her, my money will primarily be spent on her anyway so what’s the 30k for.

[@ameenomar__]

Yeah maybe but parents have big input into the amount too so it's hard to tell. For me, a good girl will always ask for a reasonable mahr. BUT sometimes her parents/social circles will cause it to inflate. That's what we're dealing with.

[@ahmedalmahdi9254]

Wouldn't a 'good woman' naturally make it easy for her to-be husband? It's a bit paradoxical because a good woman wouldn't make a lot of demands, but the common narrative is that a good woman deserves more, so it would be the man offering to pay more, not her or her family demanding more. Nonetheless some good points made contrary to the popular rhetoric that women are out to get you and rinse you for everything lol

[@ameenomar__]

Yeah the ideal woman would make it easy. But there's also the factor of parents and society and women are less likely than men to stand up to pressure and norms like that

[@coolswordmaster2216]

yes hence the prophet saw advice to marry the religious woman. If i paraphrase the hadith: 'the best joy in this life is a pious wife and the worst joy is a un pious wife'

[@donyasoliman6105]

Salaam brother Omar, I do a weekly radio show and it would be great to have you in as a guest to discuss this topic amongst others... Please let me know the best way to get in touch to send you all the details and hopefully arrange this. Thanks, Donya

[@user-xd6nc6rg7b]

I made it easy for my husband. He treated me like a bargain bin wife. There are drawbacks either way.

[@COStoics]

Really women can take easy advantage out of this, I get it that either sides of the party can do so, but in the end of the day its the character then the "gift" which yes should be reasonable not extravagant as said in a hadith that extravagant mahr leads to difficult marriage. So instead of making life hell as we already are living in hell might as well make things easier.

[@ameenomar__]

Take advantage of what ?

[@COStoics]

@@ameenomar__ The monetary aspect.

[@LalaArtwork]

2:54 wow 😂

[@ameenomar__]

😬

[@afnandridi9595]

Some valid points- what is reasonable is somewhat relative. I think it's worth mentioning also that women may propose a ridiculous amount when they are uninterested and want to indirectly put off the guy...

[@ameenomar__]

Good point

[@raudahrosli7035]

At least in my country Malaysia. I heard a lot about 30k mahar growing up. So when I pursue my degree I am a bit excited because they said college girl can have 30k mahar🤣. Through out my study, some of my friends are engaged and married. So I ask them how much is the mahar? I am so shock that most of them said a few hundred, some said just 100. I ask about 30k, and they said that no one ask that many. I remember that even my mother just have a gold ring for her mahar. But hey, It's just my experience. For me, mahar is completely negotiable. It's her private money. Be honest with your financial situation and maybe she will consider it.

[@HamzaKhan-xj1mi]

Gold rings are more than a hundred dollars.

[@ameenomar__]

Great alhamdulilah

[@Matt-jc2ml]

But a woman's education doesn't mean anything to a man. A man wouldn't pay more just because a woman has a degree. For some reason women think men are attracted to the same things they are

[@JamalHossain]

In Saudi Arabia the mahr is set by the sister's father, and figure are crazy. In 1998 when I was in Saudi Arabia I was told the mahr was equivalent to $20,000 US dollars. Allah knows how much it now in Saudi Arabia. I never got married in Saudi Arabia instead I got married elsewhere.

[@bmva8263]

Bs

[@user-gl4fk8dk9w]

My single Saudi teacher said her tribe has a usual Mahr of about 30k sar which is nearly 10k usd. She said some tribes have much more but there is always a leeway. The women here are single and just want a decent husband!

[@MethDeliveryGuy]

2k maximum

[@Oooooooo797]

5k seems reasonable

[@Matt-jc2ml]

​@@Oooooooo797simp

[@abdaalahmad5483]

anything more than 15% of what you make in a year is not good.

[@ameenomar__]

Depends on many factors though

[@abdaalahmad5483]

@@ameenomar__ of course thank you for telling me about the" my daughter is worth as much as any other" factor to me, as always learning something useful from you.

[@ameenomar__]

Allah bless you

[@abdullahahmad9300]

@@ameenomar__ Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/194: Whoever thinks of increasing his daughter’s mahr and asking for more than the daughters of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) were given - when they were the best women in this world in all aspects - is an ignorant fool. The same applies to asking for more than the Mothers of the Believers were given. This applies even if one is well off and can afford it. With regard to one who is poor, he should not give a mahr greater than he can afford to pay without any hardship.

[@ameenomar__]

@@abdullahahmad9300 I see you bro! Jazak Allah kheir for the quote. This should be shared with fathers and future fathers to change the culture over time. It depends what perspective you're coming from. From the perspective of the man looking to marry, this is nice but he is not in a position to implement it until he is a father. So what does he do? He needs to deal with the reality. It's up to him in the end and he will face the consequences of his agreeing or not agreeing to pay a certain mahr. Why should he refuse to pay a mahr that puts him into any kind of hardship exactly? and how do you define hardship.

[@thedarkknight7038]

Although I agree with all that's he's saying, but brothers... It's 2024, these women will not marry you unless you have a bag. Lifestyle requirements are only possible for top earning men. Marriage rates are low & most women are waiting for top same 1% of men.

[@ameenomar__]

This is the type of info that is spread around without proof. It depends what type of woman you’re talking to and where she was raised.

[@extremisttotheextremeantid7554]

I got asked for over $30K marriage costs. So I’ve just been seeing E$corts for $150 for 30 minutes several times over the years. Much better alternative to marriage especially in the west where you can lose half your assets.

[@ameenomar__]

Not better when it comes with the punishment of Allah. Be very careful

[@akatsukigang6024]

Oh bro so Sorry for your soul, I feel pity for you and hope you will find the right path