4 Hard Truths We’ve Experienced in The Netherlands

This week, we traveled to Wassenaar to discuss four hard truths we’ve had to cope with since we moved to The Netherlands. We’re talking about friends and family that come to visit (or not,) guilt for missing major life events in the USA, learning a new language, and making friends as an adult foreigner. At the end of the video, we take you to our favorite Expat grocery store and talk about questions we get asked frequently.
Expats watching from afar video: • What it's Like For Exp...
Our latest video on learning Dutch: • 4 Reasons Why Expats i...
Why We Moved to The Netherlands: • Why we chose to leave ...
00:00 Welcome to Wassenaar!
2:14 No one’s coming to visit you
04:34 Guilt for missing major events
07:20 Lentevreugd
08:15 Learning Dutch as an adult
10:29 Making Friends as a foreigner
12:08 Questions we get asked frequently
14:20 Kelly’s Expat Store
15:05 Close
If you like our video please subscribe for more food, travel, and life as an expat! / tandtgodutch
We're Tracey and Travis, an American couple who just moved with our Miniature Husky, Tabasco, from our home in Houston, Texas to the city of Leiden, The Netherlands. Our goal is to be interesting people, which is reflected in our channel. We appreciate all of your support on this crazy awesome journey!
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[@EMGoudsmit]

Many Dutch don’t hug. My family didn’t. No idea why.

[@mariadebake5483]

My family doesn't either

[@miran4471]

My family doesn't either 😬🤔🙂

[@markuserikssen]

Not here either, haha. I've introduced them to hugging when I came back from Sweden, where hugging is quite normal.

[@henriettebrouwer8193]

@@markuserikssen en Covid heeft knuffelen niet bevorderd, zelfs handen geven is minder geworden.

[@Aviopic]

Not even my brother and sisters, certainly not with friends. It doesn't say anything about our feelings for one another though.

[@Peacefrogg]

‘Why are you here?’ Does not mean ‘go away’. It means how did you happen to settle here? What is your story? It’s opening the conversation. At least, that’s how i would take it.

[@AnneSpeeFrickus]

Making friends as adults IS difficult, even if you speak the language. My experience is that you make friends at school, work and, when you have children (continuing to root for you!), you make friends with their parents through them. So at locations where you repeatedly see the same people. Hope it works out for you ❤.

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Thank you, Anne! We appreciate you continuing to root for us.

[@DenUitvreter]

The Dutch also set the bar pretty high for whet they call friends. You win some and you lose some, but a friend is kind of expected to be a friend for life, someone to rely on. So it's a quite a big thing and therefore you have to give them time and opportunity to check eachother out basically while having just nice 'friendly' contact. So to have a 'reason' to get to know eachother better, like a sport or a hobby, helps a lot. Another complication is that you are in need of friends more than people who didn't move there recently. That imbalance might make it harder, in the senst that they would become you're only friend at first while you would be one of many friends. But there are of course also Dutch people who moved there recently and need to make friends there. Basically for me as an adult I was just having fun and doing fun stuff with people, and than something not fun at all happened as it does in life, and at that moment and because of the reaction to it you know you have a real friendship there.

[@freightdog1941]

I’m Dutch We live in Canada And we got the same I will never hold my breath when they say I will come over We lost a lot of let say friends 🤣🤣

[@Iamsanni]

I do thinks it's easier in the east part of the country and in smaller towns..and yes covid has made people more distant, even now it's over. Maybe you could try to get into some volonteering or (sports)club. That will help. Or meet other dog owners ;)

[@henriettebrouwer8193]

Ik ben verhuisd van NL naar B en ook ik heb de ervaring dat vrienden en familie zeiden "wij komen op bezoek", ik wacht al 15 jaar. En ik praat niet dan niet over een redelijk lange vliegreis maar over een aantal uurtjes in de auto. Je raakt een flink aantal contacten kwijt door immigreren. Overigens klinkt expat voor mij als iemand die niet van plan is te blijven en immigrant als iemand die dat wel wil.

[@geertstroy]

Een expat is meestal een engelstalige narcist die via een bedrijf is relocated , en inderdaad geen immigrant is want de deur staat altijd op een kier naar ergens waar meer te halen valt . Omgekeerd zul je in die engelstalige landen nooit de appreciatie vinden voor jouw europese opleiding of ervaring terwijl ze zelf het woord restaurant nog verkracht uitspreken. De reden is vaak diepe jaloesie en eigenlijke diepe verachting , voorbeeld het xenofobe brexit debacel , ze zoeken slecht herbevestiging van hun matige engelse prutsstandaard onder elkaar , ik ben uit N. Zeeland weggerend , nooit zo blij geweest , weggegooide tijd , shit winderig kaal eiland vol ingebeelde boeren met gummilaarzen. Zwitserland was verademing , Zweden idem . En zo kom ik in mijn idee tot de slotsom dat je BLIJ mag zijn met je EU kansen en vrijheden . Zo , dat was dat , ook veel geluk in het gezellige Belgie , en vergeet die flutfamille , heerlijk , good riddance .

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Vijftien jaar? Wauw! We waarderen het dat je de tijd hebt genomen om te reageren, bedankt!

[@deborahmartin9238]

My arms are ready to give you tons of hugs Tracey, my beautiful daughter when I see you in 14 days. Going to treasure making precious memories with you while you are with us. Love and hugs. Mom ❤❤

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Counting down the days!! Love you!

[@ageoflove1980]

I dont think making friends as a foreigner is hard, I think its hard for everybody. I had a pretty nasty breakup with an ex-girlfriend a long time ago. Our group of friends was really completely intertwined. When it became clear that she was cheating for a while with one of those friends and everybody seemed to know that before me, I understandably wanted a clean break and a fresh start. That was surprisingly hard. I really had to go out of my way to be more "social" if you like at work, make more effort to meet up with people, spend more time on my hobbies like participating in a monthly chess tournament, things like that. I mean when your social life just disappears from one moment to the next its really feels like being left out in the cold and its hard work to get some of it back.

[@SabreRyan]

I'm a bald, bearded, ginger American who moved to Den Haag four months ago. Let me know if you guys ever want to hang out; seems like we could have our own red-headed American expat club. :D

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Oh wow, we'd love that. We are in Den Haag quite often!

[@geertstroy]

You mean immigrant club.

[@SabreRyan]

@@TAndTGoDutch Right on! Just let me know when you plan to be here next; I can easily walk to and meet you at Den Haag Central.

[@jiskamemelink]

missing friends and family must be so hard. I hope you have an awesome time visiting your home town and spending time with loved ones.

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Thank you Jiska, we are very much looking forward to our trip!

[@jolandamens9768]

I am dutch and we hug all the time.

[@caskoevoets8713]

I emigrated from Nederland to Canada and understand the family connection missing all that happens back home my mom was able to visit before she passed and told me she was happy I found a new country I was not able to go to the funeral visited her a month prior it was hard she told me she would watch over me I've lived in canada for 50 years now and still go back every 5 years always enjoy my time with family in eindhoven planning for that 5 year vacation is awesome good luck to you both

[@MichelBaek]

Great video. Have fun in the U.S. Don’t forget to come back because you are the nicest expats in NL. ❤️🇺🇸🇳🇱❤️

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Thank you so much, Michel! We appreciate you!

[@blueskygal255]

You guys look really good today - rested and refreshed!

[@douweevenhuis9812]

Heyoooo, I am from Leiden and it's awesome to see you guys go through these changes. Hope everything works out with you guys, secretly hope I can spot you guys once and say hello but untill then. Cheers Douwe

[@vanderquast]

Joining some kind of (sport or hobby) clubs on the base of common interest is the best way of making new friends in The Netherlands. Even when you move 100 km within The Netherlands as a Dutch person you can get this outsider feeling in your new town if you don’t join some clubs. Could also be a religious community or charety organisation 😊

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Such a great idea! Travis is looking at taking fencing classes, and I'm looking into yoga!

[@Woekkie]

@@TAndTGoDutch If you want to go fencing you will have to be willing to travel there's not many fencing clubs but than many things have changed over the past 30 years so maybe there are more now.

[@shawk1132]

I vote for a cooking club 😋 🥰

[@auag19]

I have been here for 10 years, living in The Hague now. I grew up speaking English in Aruba, and even I can relate to points you've made. I've recently joined the girl gone international group pn Facebook, and even though I have not been able to go to many of the events, it has been nice to meet other women who are on the same boat 😊

[@SoultoSoulTravels]

Awww, thank you for the shout out, Tracey and Travis! We agree with you - no one is coming to visit….😢

[@stuartlittle5016]

Start off with love your content ,I can relate to all your hard truths some upset me deep down I've lost family and friends while I've been here , even though I class this as home its far from home and I've been here 20+ years, making true friends is extremely difficult I know a lot of ppl and the respect is there but a true best buddy or group isn't there . I'm not big on coincidence but I was going to message you to let you know about Kelly's and boom there it is in your video .. You have each other which is a big plus I came over here on a 6 month contract and forgot to take the flight back haha . Keep the content going and don't let been away get you down too much x

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Thank you for sharing your experience with us! There are so many challenges, but so many rewards, too. We appreciate you watching our content!

[@skippynoah]

In the place where I live having a dog makes a huge difference in social life. I got to know very kind people who are walking their dog in the same forrest as where I walk my dog. From just small talk this has grown into babysitting each others dog when necessary and from there to having dinner and now even spending New Years Eve in Texel together. So having a dog can give you new friends. Thank you for your nice video’s.

[@TAndTGoDutch]

That’s so lovely to hear! We appreciate you watching, thank you!

[@sorehmilchtein3360]

I promise that it gets easier. Been here almost 4 years and have an amazing group of friends. They all hug (not Dutch obviously 😂). But I didn’t start building those connections until around 1 1/2 or two years of being here. Just don’t give up because it’s worth it. As time goes on and you put in the effort, you’ll start feeling at home.

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Thank you, Soreh! That’s very encouraging to hear. ☺️

[@ageoflove1980]

I have a feeling a lot of Americans really dont understand Europe that well unfortunately. Had a chat with a guy who worked at my hotel in New York City a couple of months ago. He really wanted to know how we were doing when I told him I was from The Netherlands. I was like, how do you mean? And he explained... well with the war going on and everything! Really had to explain to him that that was 1000's of miles away and didnt really affect where I was from at all (ok except perhaps the energy bills). Maybe when that conflict is finally resolved, and with Covid of course hopefully a thing of the past, more people will come and visit!

[@chrispnw2547]

Ha!!!! If only American families were forced to travel more outside of our country, our global perspective would be stronger.

[@y.v.l.]

A belated reaction. First of all I allways enjoy your videos, you are so enterprising checking everything out! About making friends: Yes it is difficult as an adult, but through animals - like walking the dog at the same time in the neighbourhood or a dogclub or church you can meet people. Otherwise I would recommend joining sports and/or hobbyclubs, there you get to meet the locals. It will take time, but that goes for everybody even the locals who move to another town.

[@CaethesFaron]

I was in the middle of taking a drink of water when you made the "dump a body" comment and choked! LOL Love your videos.

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Oh gosh! We’re so sorry lol! Thanks so much for watching, we appreciate you.

[@eefaaf]

@@TAndTGoDutch Yeah, that had me in a chuckle as well and made me stop and wonder what you've been reading lately.

[@marceljanssens5935]

Joining a club , een vereniging, either sports, art, music or any other hobby is also a great way to mingle with us Dutchees and build friendships. I have an expat couple in my cycling club and they are awesome. So good luck with that!

[@02naufi]

❤🎉🎉Awesome .....loves your blogs

[@shawk1132]

So glad to see so many supportive comments. All my friends who moved to Europe have told me they do not have strong friendships 😔 i truly feel that a large part is due to being an adult. Think about how long it took to form friends before you relocated and how often you were able to see those friends. As for promising to visit... oh I'm guilty of this one. My friend in Nante has visited every year (except during Covid) and i have never visited her. It truly is finances and vacation time. Her cost of living is lower and she is able to save for her visit. She also has the ability to visit for over a month. It took us 5 years to save enough to visit Europe and get time off (4 people). As an adult in the U.S., I honestly have not made friends in years. As much as I would like, I just don't have time. I literally have friends who live in my same city and I don't see them until we both travel out of state to a convention 🙃 Btw... the "hide the bodies" comment had me laughing so hard. 😆 Tracy, You're so multifaceted! Love it

[@TAndTGoDutch]

We're guilty of saying we'll visit too! Life absolutely just gets in the way. I'm glad you caught that comment, lol!

[@Shaunssupersounds]

I liked the video, a lot of what you guys said were super familiar to me. Don't know if I've got this right but did I understand you live in the Leiden area? If so, how come you ain't doing a Leiden video now of all times!! The whole city is gonna go nuts today and tomorrow for the Leids Ontzet.. best party of the year in Leiden!

[@TAndTGoDutch]

We do! We’ve been filming for the past two days, and will film tomorrow, too. It’ll be our video for next Sunday. we just require a bit of time for editing and such to get it uploaded.

[@Shaunssupersounds]

@@TAndTGoDutch Yeah thinking about it now, of course you're not livestreaming.. sorry! Can't wait to see that video sunday and to hear from you guys on how you experienced it. Hope you got your herring and white bread and are having fun!

[@jackvandersluis1723]

Yes, I think missing your loved ones is one of the cons of living abroad, but living here is not so bad ( cost wise it is getting worse every month) still we, you will survive! 🙏👍

[@LindaCasey]

Jack van der Sluis .. in MY day, we onIy had handwritten Ietters avaiIabIe to us .. these kids today have chat videos gaIore

[@markuserikssen]

That was an interesting video to watch. I can understand how you are feeling about most things and I would say that they are quite accurate. One thing though: Dutch people in general don't hug that much and we are not so touchy either, at least not here in the North. Some people definitely do, many others don't, or very rarely. When I moved to Sweden before, I basically learned how to hug strangers and friends. Sounds funny, right? When I came back to The Netherlands for visits, some people found it a bit uncomfortable when I started hugging, haha! But I didn't care. There's also this Dutch expression "Kat uit de boom kijken", not sure if you've heard this before. It basically means that you observe things from a distance to see if it's "okay", or to see how things work out. Once you get past that stage, people are usually more open and welcoming. It takes time, but don't give up! 😀

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. It's absolutely a cultural thing, but something that's clicked recently for us. So interesting about Sweden, we would have never thought that.

[@wimschoenmakers5463]

Don't be hard on yourself. You both are doing fine here in the Netherlands. And.... if nobody comes to visit....... just invited your new YT friends. They come a long way for a good cup of coffee and a cookie ! 🤣

[@LindaCasey]

Ja, vooraI voor 't kaki 🤣

[@annalieb.9493]

Yes, I will even give you hugs🤗

[@TAndTGoDutch]

That's so sweet! I do make very yummy chocolate chip cookies. Perfect with a cup of coffee!

[@user-bq3sq7xq8u]

Guys, just hang in there; it really takes time. You have the benefit of being together, to support each other and go through everything together. On the other hand, since you’re both from abroad, you don’t have a Dutch partner to ease you into society/culture and circle of friends. Pro’s and cons I guess. Keep positive as much as you can. One thing that helps as you already realised, is trying to speak the language. Eventually you will have deep meaningful friendships because you’ll be able to express yourself better and connect on another level. Also the hugs will surely come!!! Missing your family will remain although in time when you have a broader social life, you may not think about it as much as at this moment. Just wanted to “een hart onder de riem steken” Houd vol !!!

[@robertblokdijk901]

Goed gezegt 👍

[@carl7368]

Leuke vlog , gaan jullie ook een keertje een vlog doen in het Nederlands als jullie de taal wat meer door hebben ? keep up the good stuff :)

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Ja, dat vinden wij! Het zal wel wat meer tijd kosten!

[@carl7368]

@@TAndTGoDutch komt wel goed

[@thomasbarchen]

Don't give up! It takes a long time to really get living in a foreign country especially if the language is not English. After many years you guys will most likely be so very happy that you stuck in out and stayed in Europe. Good things take time.

[@blueskygal255]

That was my experience too when I moved from Mass to AZ.

[@cccccc202.]

Thank you for continuing to vote!!! ✅

[@FreddyEnergizer]

Quit nice - My wedding pictures where taken at that exact same spot where your video starts. I work(ed) at Eko Plaza Wassenaar - I am just back from the USA it is gonna be tuff wen you get back there.

[@angelavm84]

Every time I hear you guys talk about the difficulties moving here I just want to cook you an Indonesian rice-table & welcome you with open arms! 🤗 It sounds like you've given all of the aspects of life here a lot of thought though. I think you can liken it to cutting an umbilical cord: it has to happen because keeping one foot here and one foot there will 'cause stress and anxiety due to everything you've already mentioned. I moved back to my old stomping grounds (Deventer) after living in the Randstad for 20 years. Left all my friends, job and house behind & started anew. Yes, friends can visit from the Randstad, but it still diminishes because of the distance: two are left. Not even a different country! 😅The Dutch are strange like that... Still, you want ppl nearby for the simple issues in life. So, I totally get where you're coming from: it's hard making new friends. It does depend on what you're looking for. Dinner friends, once a month friends, friends for life (the deep connection). That last one will be harder to find, I totally agree (and we hug all the time! Dutch like that do exist!). Covid made it hard for me in my little village & I'll wager that is part of your feelings of isolation as well. After moving here in 2019 I'm still struggling building a new circle of friends. I think you just need to be lucky. Meet that one in a million person who loves the same things as you & is willing to open their hearts. I know they're out there. Keep the faith!💪 People said Dutch is easy?😨I can firmly say that is bull! However, don't stress! Take it slow and you will get there whether it is 1 or 5 years. In the meantime, just hustle with English sprinkled with Dutch. 🙃 Have a wonderful week!

[@superliegebeest544]

As a dutchman moved to central america I am dealing with exactly the same.issues. thats the downside of moving away. But one step at a time everyday is a new day and another step forward.

[@RichardRenes]

Wassenaar is the posh suburban town to the Hague.. While the embassies are in the Hague (including the US embassy, but it IS on the border with Wassenaar), almost all the ambassadors live in Wassenaar in nice big houses I might add. And you were that close to Duinrell, a small amusement park in Wassenaar. Wassenaar is also home to a lot of rich people.

[@dennisd9875]

Wassenaar is similar to the Chevy Chase, MD town in the USA in terms of its reputation

[@TAndTGoDutch]

We absolutely got that vibe even just from walking around. Lots of fancy butchers, cheese shops, and clothing stores. Huge houses too!

[@arjanpetersen]

Yeah also home to royal family

[@maddy3562]

OMG! Also an expat living in the Netherlands and i can totally relate! So glad to have found your channel. BTW Dutch is definitely not easy, even the Dutch admit it is not an easy language to learn because of all the nuances and Dutch people are not very into hugs I har experienced. Lol

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Yay! Welcome, we’re so glad you’re here! Thank you so much for watching.

[@woodenseagull1899]

To learn Dutch. If you have a Lisp ; you are half way there!

[@susannehansler7279]

I am not a big hugger BUT , if i ever have the change to meet you, i wil give you both a big hug. Great video guys. If you ever need a friend to talk to , just DM😘 Have a great trip to America, stay safe

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Thank you Susanne, we appreciate you so much!

[@elsiengale3125]

Please don't take this the wrong way. I regularly watch Soul to Soul on KZbin and am really impressed with how they have managed to integrate into Dutch, Rotterdam society. They seem very happy in The Netherlands, whereas I feel you two are remaining very American and often a bit homesick. I grew up in The Netherlands, still have a Dutch passport, but spent most of my life in UK, have British children and lived and worked in a bunch of other countries, now in southern France. The trick is to immerse yourself: language, culture, food, customs, everything. I get kisses in France, but never in China, sometimes in Britain, sometimes in the Netherlands. I have friends from wherever I have lived, because I enjoyed whatever I was given for breakfast, lunch or dinner, enjoyed local shops, entertainment (even Chinese opera), watched local news, telly (French TV is a bit of a chore, mind). Whenever I go back to see my Mum in The Netherlands I enjoy bitterballen and Hertog Jan, my friends get me a herring, my sister cooks me snert or stamppot or we order in nassi or we go out for rijsttafel, but when I am in France I love my croissant or pain au chocolat with large mug of cafe au lait or petit cafe. I keep up with Dutch, British, French and American politics. You may have to try harder to be more Dutch and less American...

[@TAndTGoDutch]

We’re actively taking Dutch classes to improve our language skills (please give us some grace as this video was months ago.) We’re currently taking a level 2 Dutch class. We have also filmed numerous videos trying to immerse ourselves in many of the Dutch cities, including extensive research on the history, art, and architecture. We’ve spotlighted many of these cities on our channel. We aren’t Soul to Soul Travels, we’re our own people, sharing our unique experience, and that includes homesickness. We’re not trying to sugarcoat our experience here. Please keep in mind that what you see from our videos is a fraction of what our lives are here. There’s a lot behind the scenes that we keep private. We appreciate your feedback, but also understand if our content isn’t for you.

[@elsiengale3125]

@@TAndTGoDutch I understand and appreciate that. Well done for learning Dutch and yes, I did see that you are visiting places in The Netherlands, I will have a look at some of those. I do realise you are your own people and share your own experiences and feelings. I look forward to see your videos and am confident you'll become fully integrated Dutchies!

[@dennisd9875]

I experienced virtually all the same things when I moved from NL to the USA over 20 years ago. As far as making closer connections, I think this is partly due to you both still being in the phase of exploring and figuring out where you will end up. No doubt the people around you that you made connections with see this too, and it will take time and the evolution of your journey there to really build those closer connections. This will happen however, if you stay for a long period of time. It is definitely harder as you get older to immigrate, but you guys are still plenty young to build those strong friendships. For example, if you had a child this would immediately change just because of how important family life and family community are over there. Also, I deal with sick elderly parents and that has been hard, but with the proliferation of working from home and Travis' ability to do that in his job I think you'll find that work would be understanding if you had to juggle a longer trip. Very funny comment about upstate NY. Whenever I leave the city and go to Catskills or the Hudson Valley I would send pictures to Dutch people showing them woodsy New York and everyone was always confused. They don't know the beauty of NY mountains they are missing!

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Thank you so much for your comments! We appreciate hearing your perspective. The Catskills are so gorgeous, especially this time of year. I think most Americans don’t realize there’s more than just NYC, either, to be fair. So glad you’ve explored all upstate has to offer.

[@cyclingchantal]

14:30 I am going to drop a not so popular opinion here and when I first heard it, it opened my eyes (even as a Dutchie) Someone (American who moved to The Netherlands) posted it on TikTok: The term "expat" appears to be privileged. Why? Because they had a group on Facebook with "expat" in the name, where they got a lot of members until they changed the name with "immigrants" in it. The number of new members dropped immediately. I think we should just ban the term "expat" and use "immigrant" in stead of it. Doesn't matter where you come from. If you move to a different country, you are an immigrant. Opinions?

[@arthurhagen3826]

Many expats are not immigrants. They are here for a specific job for a specific company. With no intention to stay indefinately.

[@ebryan1990]

Als Amerikaan die geïnteresseerd is om naar Nederland te verhuizen, ben ik het met je eens. Expat klinkt als iets dat sommige mensen zichzelf willen noemen uit schaamte voor de term 'immigrant'. Bijna alsof expats een keuze hebben en immigranten niet.

[@conniemendeszoon9789]

Absolutely right, and there is nothing wrong with the word Immigrant

[@louiseleite3866]

Sounds woke to me.

[@geertstroy]

Je hebt gelijk , een expat is een aanstellerige angelsax die aan jou onmogelijke eisen stelt en zelf nog nooit een immigratieprocedure heeft doorlopen omdat ze gingen " moven" dwz of overstayen of via een bedrijf. Expat is aanstellerij en van voorbijgaande aard.Angelsaxische zever, brengt niets op , ben er met top opleiding 3x in getrapt. Zou ze zo een mega draai om die scheve angelsaxische aanstellerige bekwerken willen geven , and I mean it

[@wich1]

Hoi Travis, Tracy, kan me helemaal vinden in jullie lijstje. Heb ook een tijd in het buitenland gewoond en dan moet je dit soort dingen inderdaad gewoon accepteren. Wat betreft het leren van de taal, mijn mening is dat de leeftijd wel een rol speelt, maar op zichzelf niet het grootste effect is. Wat volgens mij veel belangrijker is, is de tijd die je er in kunt/wilt steken. Als kind of puber heb je niet de verplichtingen van een baan of een gezin of dergelijke en kun je makkelijk 10 a 15 uur in de week steken in het leren van een taal. In het geval van je moedertaal zelfs nog heel veel meer. Wanneer je dat als volwassene gaat doen is het al moeilijk genoeg om een paar uurtjes in de week vrij te maken om je met de taal bezig te houden. Zelf heb ik ook als volwassene een andere taal (totaal ongerelateerd aan mijn moedertaal) geleerd toen ik in het buitenland woonde en hoewel ik bij lange na nog niet op het niveau ben waar ik zou willen zitten, was de grootste factor in beter worden de hoeveelheid tijd die ik er in stak. Nou wil ik niet meteen zeggen dat je dan dus maar 3 uur per dag aan je Nederlands moet werken, maar het is denk ik gewoon een onderdeel van de "hard truth" dat je taalvaardigheid proportioneel is aan hoeveel tijd je erin steekt en dus een keuze is die je zelf moet maken. Een ding wat ik wel ten zeerste kan aanraden; zorg voor zoveel mogelijk "input." Het is heel verleidelijk om 'savonds lekker naar je favoriete en bekende Amerikaanse/Britse of andere Engelstalige TV programma's, youtube kanalen, whatever te kijken, maar zet vooral Nederlandse TV en youtube kanalen of dergelijke op. (Kennen jullie het youtube kanaal Eten met Nick?) Ook al krijg je maar een fractie van wat er gezegd wordt mee, dit is veel belangrijker dan je denkt voor je taalontwikkeling. Je oor(hersenen) moeten gewend raken aan de klanken en patronen en hoe meer je luistert hoe sneller dat dat gaat en hoe meer je gaat herkennen. Op verloop van tijd ga je dan ook steeds meer zinsconstructies en zegswijzen herkennen en kunnen gebruiken. Voor veel taalgebruik heb je niet alleen de grammatica regeltjes en de woordjes nodig, maar ook vooral een gevoel van hoe je die nou moet gebruiken. Dat gevoel komt mijns inziens vooral van veel luisteren en naderhand ook lezen. Voor het vinden van vrienden, ook heel bekend, in je eigen land leun je toch erg veel op de vrienden en kennissenkringen die je tijdens je kinder en schooltijd opgebouwd hebt en alle vriendschappen die daar gaandeweg uit voortgekomen zijn, dus ook de mensen die je via-via ontmoet hebt omdat je eenmaal met een clubje vrienden optrekt en er bij een feeste of activiteit iemand aansluit die jij nog niet kent. Wanneer je alleen of als koppel naar een ander land vertrekt heb je die basis niet om vanuit te gaan bouwen, dus zeker in het begin gaat dat heel langzaam. Mijn tip zou zijn, ga deelnemen in hobby- of sportclubs, of vrijwilligers werk, dan heb je een soort kunstmatig gecreëerde omgeving waarin je "geforceerde" regelmatige interactie en gedeelde tijd met anderen hebt, dan is het alleen maar wachten/zoeken naar mensen met wie je een klik hebt. Een andere tactiek is regelmatig naar hetzelfde café gaan en aan de bar gaan zitten, (in plaats van aan een tafeltje.) Niet zo'n café/bar dus waar de hele avond de muziek zo hard staat dat je niemand kan verstaan, maar meer een bruin/buurt café of een English/Irish pub. Hoe kleiner het café hoe beter. Daar ga je ook vaker dezelfde mensen tegenkomen en is het veel makkelijker om een gesprek aan te gaan. Goed, ik hoop dat jullie je een beetje door het Nederlands heen hebben kunnen worstelen. ;) En heel veel success verder! En denk er aan, het is vooral nu zo na een jaar ongeveer dat de "honeymoon phase" van het expat leventje ten einde loopt en dan is het heel natuurlijk om een dip te hebben en dat er wat meer dingen je tegen gaan staan. Houd vooral de moed erin en dan wordt het vanzelf weer beter!

[@eefaaf]

We have done a lot of on-line shopping at Kelly's, like Dille pickles, but things have been out off stock often lately. And we think that one of the workers there has (had) a packaging fetish (it seems a bit less extreme the last few times) as there were usually several layers of bubble wrap, tape, newspapers, Styrofoam beans, and whatnot. Sometimes it wasn't even possible to put the packaging material back into the same box it came in AFTER taking the produce out :) (I may be exaggerating a bit)

[@Lisa-yt8gv]

Hello, are you moving back to the States or just going back for a visit? I am an American (from Texas) living in the Netherlands since December 1999, so more than 20 years. I'm also now having dual-citizenship. I have to agree with you on the things you've said in this video, which I think my Dutch husband sent to me because he sees me struggling in my own life with much of what you've said. The things you have touched on are less difficult if you have only been here a short while but can become very troubling if you are here for a longer period. In fact in this time in my life after the pandemic it has hit me rather hard the lack of affection and emotion in my life. My Dutch in-laws never show emotion or love, or speak of feelings. When they see emotion on TV they say something (translated in English) like "Don't act so crazy". In my work life people of course ask where am I from or do I have brothers or sisters.. but that's it. They never ask deeper... never try to know me. In the more than 20 years only 1 coworker has tried to know me, or ask about my family or me on a more meaningful level. Mainly people ask me through the years about (every president who has been in office since I've lived here, guns in America, shootings in America, why don't all Americans have healthcare, to how great it must be that all Americans have healthcare [not understanding that's a complex problem and that many Americans now have a 10,000 dollar own risk]). In the end you feel like a novelty and the lack of emotion and feelings and meaningful knowing each other is hard to deal with. On the topic of family from home not visiting, spot on... except not sure if you have it too but I get asked often "when is your family coming to visit" or "why does nobody come to visit you" and you end up not knowing what to say and feeling like everyone thinks your family and friends don't love you. I have wonderful relationship with my husband, a great job here and have purchased a lovely home, I have one close friend so I don't want to make it sound all bad. However, as I get older the lack of showing of love and care and human emotion is hard... and after the pandemic I notice that when I'm back in the office and we're having all sorts of superficial talks about weather, politics and what not I am painfully lonely inside wishing we could all get to know each other better and find myself sometimes getting emotional on the way home in the car, and then you can't talk about that with your Dutch family because they might think you're crazy or something. If you stay too long you will wonder where do you belong. Not sure what city you live in but please reach out if you want to meet and talk to another Texan, would be really nice and of course hugging is really encouraged here. 😀

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Lisa, I'm an American who lived in NL and Northern Belgium. The thing to understand about the locals is that they are very comfortable. They never loaded up a Uhaul to move 1000 miles and most have never lived on another continent. They like to drop negative things about America because they'll never understand it and they love their little cocoon. Also, they aren't exactly Latinos or Filipinos as far as emotions. It's a grey drizzly climate much of the year and they get long vacations so they won't go completely mental, but in fairness, after a few drinks they can be fun. I met a lot of cool people there but you have to accept them for who they are. Plus, America is not as touchy-feely as you might remember. People are stressed, polarized, and glued to their phones here.

[@jennybertenshaw7694]

I can absolutely empathise with you on this Lisa I'm a Brit who spent over 30 yrs in NL because of my husbands job....Visitors came once in that time Family members or friends.I got asked regularly 'when are you going home'? Otherwise not at all interested in me My neighbour in our first rented house did teach me Dutch She was a school teacher and I became her project No contact after we moved In 30 yrs I had one Dutch friend and she dropped me when my husbands company went bankrupt. HARD HARD people I was glad to retire to Portugal where the people are as warm as their sun

[@jsb7975]

@@jennybertenshaw7694 my God I pray to thee, save us from the terrible Dutch people who are so miserable to ruin the lives of people who are foreign to your cold, cold way of behaving. a Whole country without showing any hospitality to strangers. Why did you have to invent us Dutch ! There's only hate for us. But anyway I'm glad that I could spow on a nation that truely disgust me, for I feel only guilt to be a Dutchman. Thanks for the topic.

[@Galgensteeg]

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on Dutch social habits and superficial contacts. Gives a lot to think about. The more you move to the east and north of Europe, the more difficult it is to have casual conversations and new contacts. It just seems to be true. But to fight this, just talk and say hat you think and people sometimes turn out to be more open and sympathetic than you expected them to be.

[@frankteunissen6118]

I think COVID has put a bit of a spanner in the works where visits from friends and relatives from home are concerned. My experience from the past is that, once they know where to find you and word gets around, you get a steady flow of visitors.

[@ronaldderooij1774]

Hugging is not common in the Netherlands. In our culture we respect personal space a lot. Probably because our houses are very small and tightly built together. And oh, learning a language as a child is indeed "automatic" but not quick. Children need also 15 years to master their native language. Just as long as it would take adults. So, that adults learn slower is a myth.

[@junipermeisje6300]

Have you worked with kids? I had a seven year old American expat kid in my group… except I only found out after I met his parents. He had been in the Netherlands a total of four months…

[@wich1]

@@junipermeisje6300 The difference is that the kid had 4 months to work on their language skills, basically all day, every day, they are even practicing all the time while doing other stuff like playing games, watching TV, playing with friends, etc. While as an adult, you have to take time out for work, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, your partner/family, etc. It's just much harder as an adult to invest the time required to learn a language. For anyone who is in that boat, if you can at all afford to do so, go to a closed school, even something like a boarding school, where you can focus full time on learning a language. Even if you can only do so for a month or something, you won't believe what kind of a kick-start such a thing can give you in learning a new language.

[@Ozymandias1]

In the Netherlands Wassenaar is mainly known as a place where many rich people live. Sort of like Hollywood and The Hamptons.

[@cloggy010]

all the best best home!

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Bedankt!

[@cloggy010]

@@TAndTGoDutch graag gedaan :) (my pleasure )

[@aislingbooks]

I'm coming to this video of yours 5 months later, but I've lived in the Netherlands a long time and still struggle with the friend issue. I married a Dutchman, so most of my friends have been made through him, as well as a few colleagues at work. But when measuring it against all the friends I've had growing up in America it's a paltry few. Also, you're right on about friends saying that they're coming to visit you. None of mine have, though whenever I return to the States they always talk about wanting to come visit , especially in their fantasies of going on a cruise and dropping off in Amsterdam for the day. Well, like your NY adage, Amsterdam to me isn't around the corner. And as I age fewer and fewer have stayed connected, going on with their lives connected with friends closer by, and some have even passed on along the way. Yet, if I had an old friend visiting, if possible, I'd meet them in Amsterdam or wherever. What do I miss from America? Not much, except Mexican food and Margaritas, which is why I got excited about your find in Haarlem. If I have an American style pancake craving I can find the McKennedy brand at the Lidl, and it's okay. Oh yes, and good bread is hard to find too. The Dutch prefer their own soft versions, which I don't like. Occasionally at bakeries you can find some good versions, but they grow hard after a few days. I even found a version of rye once at AH. Oh, and I never liked PBJs, which I find disgusting...hahaha. I also laud your efforts in attempting to speak Dutch right away. Local libraries are now offering 'taal cafés, and if you have one near you I'd suggest looking into it, as they're both great and helpful to join.

[@TAndTGoDutch]

There's a great facebook group to check out for more Mexican food: Mexican, Tex-Mex, and Mexicali food in The Netherlands. We just found it recently, and there are some serious gems on there.

[@aislingbooks]

Thank you!

[@dicknr1]

Making friends is a kind of a art here. Basically you got to find someone to hang out with. even just 1 is enough. With that person you go somewhere for fun, doesnt matter what, any bar or such is fine. You chill out and enjoy yourself, sometimes people around you will speak about something, when something they say interest you you hook into the subject. Talk along, make friends in a way you are connected by a subject, from there enjoy the night together, Ask them if they wanna chill out another time, swap phone nr. Repeat until you're satisfied, you dont need a friend to go to a bar, but its boring alone so thats why the example. you can also bring your girl or man. People generally dont really mind to chill out in settings of peace and fun. So make use of that opportunity when people are enjoying themselves somewhere out. Those opportunities are gold. Anyway im fine to have longer chats about stuff you bother about. For example guilt for not seeing family; they chosen they life how they want it, they also respect your choice. Just because you're far away doesnt mean someone means less if you really care for them. And visa versa ofcourse for them. if you make them feel that you still care for them a lot, thats all you have to do, being there at moments is the same as a present for a birthday. Presents are nice but people make a party. if you receive only presents and nobody came your day feels terrible. So presents or being somewhere is nice but its a gesture. When people know you care for them it doesnt matter if you are there. What does matter is how you make someone understand you love them. I cant always help people around me either, feels shit too when you see loved ones struggling and you cant be there for them. But talking to them, making them know you care and think alongside them is what gives courage and confidence, thats what creates bonds and love. So dont feel guilty, if you feel guilty it means you shouldnt be, because you clearly show that it matters to you. All they need to know is that you care for them. They may see this video and that will tell them how you care even if far away. That is more powerful to someone than attending something. I have attended plenty of things I didnt like, But i always express what I think and feel in truth or I say nothing. So which is more valuable?

[@BlueStarDragon]

Learning the language will make it easier. I am dutch and with my friends I can have very deep conversations. Or silly ones. And we definitely hug. If someone is sad or as we say goodbye to each other. But hugging a stranger?? Definitely not

[@Lars_erik]

Even when you’re born in the Netherlands, but move to another town - that’s to far away to visit a friend for a coffee - you’ll experience that you’ll have to put some serious effort into building a new social circle. I’m not sure if that’s necessarily just a Dutch thing, part of it might also have a lot to do with age; people have settled down, gotten kids and stay more in and around the house. What others already said, the easiest way to make new friends is by finding something to do that you like, where you can find people with similar interests/personality traits to get to know new people 🙂 What worked for me in the past was getting a volunteers job. But it can be anything. Since you also own a dog; in many towns you’ll be able to find a group of people that walk their dog together. I would want to give you the advice to look for friendships with Dutch people. I often see that ‘expats’ or ‘immigrants’ or whatever you would like to call them (although I understand expat as someone who wants to stay here for a few years to work and go back to their country of origin) tend to seek for friendships with people that have their origin in the same country (which makes sense since people always look for friends in people that are somewhat alike). But in the long run, that could also prevent you from fully integrating in this country and never really feeling at home here/continue to feel like an outsider. Dus even door de zure appel heen bijten en jezelf in het diepe gooien! 😉 It will take time to build deep connections with new people you meet, but once you have some good friends (and not just acquaintances) you’ll notice that they’ll last 😊 And about the hugging thing; it really depends on how close you are to someone. I do hug my friends, but I usually don’t hug people I don’t know very well.

[@arnold9861]

Leuk om te volgen, praten jullie al nederlands?

[@mathman274]

I did it "the other way around", born raised in the NLs and moved to the US when I was 35, a good while ago, 20+ years. On language; even though I had English in school, I started watching shows like Letterman/Jay Lenno a year before I got here (One also could sign up with the US Embassy, to receive a monthly magazine, about stuff next month). When here (US) I only could speak English and it took a year before I started speaking it fluently, and started getting the jokes and puns. So that takes a little work/effort and "abstinence" from English. Trust me, it's hard but fun too. You'll know you're getting there when you're thinking in the other language. Constantly translating stuff is exhausting and won't work. On the hugs; I am still not used to that "why are these strange women grabbing me?" Work/social is different too, I was once "taken aside for a talk" by a manager that said that I should be more social at work. Confused because I thought I was hired to actually work, I asked "how?". "Well ask about their wife, kids, small talk"... I was like .. so I should ask a guy I don't really know and ask about their wife and/or kids???? (that was really weird for me). On buying stuff from back home, yeah I gave up on that, too much work and WAY too expensive ($30 for a pound of real dutch 'drop' is a little stiff). It think it is fun getting used to living in a new country, it's a constant adventure and constantly adjusting your comfort level. (Oh and making friends, that's more of an age thing then a cultural thing I think, I agree with someone that said that), but hobbies and clubs can change that too.

[@corryhelms9649]

I would love to meet you guys and have talks . You seem to be a nice couple! Love sent from Hengelooo.

[@erwinmulder1338]

Dutch people usually don't have many people they call 'friends'. If you made it to that classification, it is pretty much for life. Most people are some relation 'neighbor', 'colleague' or simply 'een kennis' (acquaintance). We don't expect hugging or 100% guarantees from these people. It can take years of interaction and reciprocal favors to make it to the 'friend' label.

[@chrispnw2547]

Many of us subconsciously bring the cultural norms we know with us and never question them. I was taught as a child you will many acquaintances and few true friends. As a child I was taught the difference. Most of us operate on stereotypes based on what we see and hear on popular television/media. America is great at exposing their movies, television programming, and music globally as English is spoken quite a bit outside of Great Britain, Canada, and the United States. When I stayed in Amsterdam, little-to-no Netherland programming comes to America. We are fortunate to get English versions of France/24 and Deutsche Welle in the States. When I live abroad my eyes are wider and ears are more open as there are so many subtle cultural cues to recognize and reflect upon. North Americans (in large part) can operate independent/isolated in our own little bubble BUT that is changing and a good thing in my opinion.

[@nfboogaard]

Leuke vlog T&T, hoe gaat het met Tobasco?

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Met hem gaat het goed! Hij komt in onze volgende video!

[@nfboogaard]

@@TAndTGoDutch Ha leuk! Ik wacht jullie video af. Geniet van de herfst en ga lekker het bos in met hem, Tabasco mag ook weer het strand op tot april!

[@ingridwatsup9671]

Deep friendships take time; you just haven’t been here long enough! Dutch people need to be invited; except maybe neighbors. As for hugging: not very Dutch; besides who wants that close contact in Covid times. As for learning the language: watch films with dutch subtitles and read those; look up repeating words and maybe go to evening school once a week to learn it. I am 🇳🇱 and speak 5 languages; about your age I learnt Greek (the spoken). So fuel up on good intentions and you’ll get there! Good luck 🍀

[@TAndTGoDutch]

5 languages! Wow! Thank you for the lovely advice. We appreciate you taking the time to comment.

[@sannie081]

Making friends is difficult. My experience is that you have friends you met at school and you have new friends you met at work, with volunteer work, sporting groups and others who you see frequently and you can build a relationship with. Dutch are open and interested but we can't call you a friend without knowing you better and knowing you for a longer time. As an expat it is more difficult because you don't have family events where you met other people and you mis your childhood friends. You must work on a new social network and that's hard work to do.

[@Peacefrogg]

It’s not bc you’re outsiders. The dutch take their time to make friends. Also, we don’t have a hugging culture. Really good friends do 3 kisses, sometimes a hug. It’s changing among young ppl i think. Getting to know your neighbours and having coffee or meals with them is really important bc they are the ones you need when you lost your key, need to borrow a tool, watch over your house when you’re away, etc. Most dutch ppl make friends in high school and stick with them, but yeah you can make friends as an adult, as long as you’re open and put in the time. Sports and hobbies are a good way in, as well as work and volunteer work, the street barbecue, the buurthuis or wijkcentrum, walking the dog ( i know of a group of ppl who became friends after just walking the dog, same time, same route everyday).

[@rutger1963]

Mijn kommentaar doe ik in het Nederland's,kunnen jullie gelijk Google translate testen. Allereerst de Amerikaanse ambasade is verhuist naar Wassenaar omdat de oude ambasade niet goed meer te beveiligen was in het centrum van Den Haag. Verder merk ik dat jullie mentaal en lichamelijk beter zijn geworden...en denk ook gelukkiger. Tuurlijk hebben jullie soms heimwee,logisch toch? Ik geniet van jullie video's,ga zo door! Groeten Rutger

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Bedankt, Rutger! We waarderen je!

[@Dutchbelg3]

Hey my friends, I hug you from a distance :-) I do not have any days off any more so we have to get together in a weekend with Eric and Tammy! Maybe (very Dutch) we have to pencil a weekend in our agendas!? I am pretty sure I can fit 4 people in my car :-) And Tracy: Most Dutchies don't know that NYC is only most southern tip is of a very big state reaching up to Canada! In October I will be in Massachusetts near Boston for a week.

[@TAndTGoDutch]

We would love that, Hans! Most Americans don’t realize that there’s more to New York than the city, either! 😂 Enjoy Massachusetts! So beautiful in the fall.

[@cloggy010]

totally right its just life

[@resi3794]

About the visit, the time now is not realy good to travel in the last 2,5 years do to covid so maybe that has a lot to do with it, then when you move away you find new frends and so are the people who you left behind. Its called live and moving on. Were not realy a hugging people kind of, but if you have interest like sport or other things find a club with people who related to that, then you quick find new frends. Wising you a great holliday in the states and hope you catch up with frends there.

[@rebekkavandenbrink8273]

Thank you for another great video! I just want to say that whoever told you learning Dutch is easy is WRONG. I'm a native and Dutch is so unlogical compared to French or Spanish. So you're doing such an amazing job learning it! And I'm sorry to hear it's hard to make new friendships. When I moved to Rotterdam from the east of the country I experienced the same. But it takes a few years to create real and existential friendships. It will come for you, I'm sure ❤️

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Aww, thank you Rebekka. We appreciate your kind words. Thank you so much for watching!

[@davidben8426]

hehe yea I'm native born here and still struggling with De Het en Een, if you don't figure out what one you need get the 'Die' card..

[@Draeber]

its hard to make friends in general, especially as an adult. I live in the netherlands as well. Are you into gaming, foodmaking or woodworking then let me know! regardless, enjoy the Netherlands. Its a nice place to live.

[@MotoSnax]

When a Dutch woman friend moved to the USA me and my wife have visited her multiple times over the years. She also moved multiple times in Florida but also once to Oregon. Back to Florida now because of a job her husband got, unfortunately Ian struck near their home so they have to deal with damages. The difference between us and your friends in the USA is that we have more days off. I had 40 days a year off a few years back at my old job so it was no problem to visit he USA 3 weeks at a time. I think in the US this is about 10 days for most Americans? Then again, most people say something but they do different. I think that is human nature. But last time we saw her and her family is also 5 years ago (2017). After 2019 I haven't been to the USA, now I am not allowed to enter for the time being. But we now also have a son of 2 years old and a daughter underway in a couple weeks so I will wait until they get a little bit older before we go back again if allowed at that time. Don't want to make those travels with small kids. Flying to Tenerife and Gran Canaria (Canary Islands) is just 4 hours but entertaining my son all those hours while he is sitting on my lap is not easy. So I'm not looking forward doing that for 10-16 hours. 😁

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Oh gosh, we’re so sorry to hear about your friends home. That’s a good point about time off, actually. Completely understand not wanting to do long travels like that with kids!

[@MotoSnax]

@@TAndTGoDutch Thanks! Well at least their home is still standing. Partially flooded but it could have been worse. People closer to the coast have lost entire homes. But it will take months to fix everything for them and most Floridians that live near the gulf coast. But about visiting friends abroad, we are one of the few that visited her in the USA so even with more days off it is still a long trip for people to take and probably outside their comfort zone. Or perhaps too expensive. But that is also for visiting from the US to Europe. Since the inflation prices go up and ppl have to make choices. When we started visiting the USA I could get $1.60 for €1. Those days are gone and that is probably for the better as it was not good for the US economy.

[@nataslived7029]

We have Kelly’s expat shop in Den Haag too

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Oh yes! We’ve been.

[@pammorton7448]

You just have to accept Dutch culture. They are not as open and friendly (or as positive) as Americans, but acceptance is the way. And you're right about the language - you will be more included if you speak Dutch.

[@cloggy010]

making friends esp in the Netherlands is hard for most expats is a dutch thing greatly

[@dn5239]

😂😂😂 I lived in two larger homes and always a a special room for that special quest that never came, than we decided to move to a flat as we are getting older. Not as big and not that special room and then boom, everyone wanted to come and see us. 😂😂😂😂 My parents did come once and I was so proud to show them my life here😊

[@sk.n.9302]

Some perspective. As a single parent (husband passed), I moved to Texas from Germany 10 yrs ago. Over there, I was accepted, made friends & was included. Here, people are polite, but never inclusive. There's a stygma against single parents.

[@deetgeluid]

I learned Dutch, English, French and German in school. French dissapeared though…

[@dutchyjhome]

Yeah hugging to me is something you just don't do....except maybe with the dear friends you have (the ones from within the inner circle). If you would want to make friends: become a member of a club at your choice. Probably a club of something you have as a hobby. Even a shooting club is possible in the area of Leiden. The Dutch really are not known to call someone their "Friend" just like that. Becoming a Friend takes time. You will have to grow from just another person, into just another person I have talked to, into a person I have talked to several times, into an acquaintance, so they'll know you by name, they may even know where you live, into a acquaintance I see al lot, turning in to a friend; some one you've shared a lot with an knows a lot about you, potentially growing into an inner circle friend: basically a friend for life, the both of you really know each other in and out and you've shared really everything with this inner circle friend. And since you've gotta start somewhere I'd say start at a club, this is, among other reasons, why clubs are there to begin with...

[@nicolimmen2206]

Many viewers already suggested sensible solutions to your dilemma(s). However you have to realise that, with the exemption of very close family/friends in the US, the decision to move to another continent implies that your life is not in sync anymore with your other friends in the US. Your common interest will fade. Over time you have to accept that some people will not be part anymore of your life and the (spare) conversations mainly will reflect about your (old) history together. That is good for only 30 minutes of conversation.

[@kkemp221]

I think these issues are not only for americans but for everyone who is moving to another country. You have to get used to another culture and a different way of life in the mean while dealing with homesickness. It will take some time but you are going to get there.

[@Dija-says-freePalestine]

We do eat P&J but we eat it jam instead of jelly. We don't have jelly unless you go to a store like you showed in this video. Personally I don't like jelly, it looks like gelatine with artificial coloring and flavours. I saw it when I was in the US and I didn't try it because everything that looks like gelatine makes me barf. So I honestly can't say if it tastes good. But I can imagine that's why people are questioning the US P&J because of the jelly.

[@koevoetje]

My huisband is born there!!

[@fredvankempen2177]

Languages: when I was in school I had to learn Dutch, English, German and French.. later added Italian, Japanese and Polynesian ;-) Hugs: Ditch people hug if the situation calls for it, AND if they mean it. So, your hugging neighbors in the US... how real are those? I went the other way (Dutchie to the U.S.), and I find most of the PDA here is, well, not real.

[@sk.n.9302]

I lived in Germany for 20 yrs & lots of people visited.

[@karina8705]

wassenaar is where the rich people live which also shows off in their attitude. dutch overall are friendly and say what they think. americans are so different😂 we actually think americans are always exaggerating. we don‘t hug much and say i love you every single day haha.

[@mkthom1791]

I think covid is still making it harder for people to come over. It's like for 2+ years no one could travel anywhere so now my friends & family are making up with missed visits to folks in the US, then maybe plan to come here. It's like they have a backlog of people to visit who live closer & on the same side of the ocean. Most of them _want_ to come, but they just can't for one reason or another.

[@ashortone]

2:30 if you are going to live somewhere you are new you introduce yourself to the neighbors the neighbors and local residents do not come to you

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Of course, we’ve certainly done that. We’re actually very close with our neighbors. Thanks for the tip!

[@alegnalavieenrose8120]

Dutch is one of the hardest languages to learn apparently due to our throatiness and we have consonants that are pronounced different ways according to the vowels around them. It’s been researched and Dutch is he hardest to learn as a foreigner it seems, so don’t blame yourself for not learning it quickly enough. Just try to speak it at often as you can, we’ll help you. We appreciate everyone that tries.

[@alegnalavieenrose8120]

Dutch translation of my comment above: Nederlands is kennelijk een van de moeilijkste talen om te leren, omdat we veel keelklanken hebben en we hebben medeklinkers die verschillend worden uitgesproken afhankelijk van de klinkers eromheen. Dit is onderzocht en schijnbaar is Nederlands voor volwassen een van de moeilijkste talen om te leren voor buitenlanders, dus maak je niet druk dat je niet snel genoeg leert. Probeer het zo vaak mogelijk te spreken , wij helpen je! We waarderen iedereen die het probeert!

[@jsb7975]

@@alegnalavieenrose8120 Nederlandse stamwoorden zijn vrijwel identiek aan de Engelse. Van alle talen staat het Nederlands het dichtst bij het Engels. 't is wat het is. 't is what it is. Daar is 'n opening. There is an opening. Het helpt

[@MichaiGatlen]

Dat klopt niet helemaal. 1) Voor Engelstaligen is Nederlands niet de moeilijkste taal om te leren. 2) Aanpassing van medeklinkers aan de omgeving is een van de meer wijdverbreide klankprocessen in talen in het algemeen en niet iets wat het Nederlands bijzonder maakt. 3) Het aantal keelklanken valt mee: het Nederlands heeft er technisch gezien maar eentje, namelijk de ‘h’. Als je klanken achter in de mond, om precies te zijn, bij de huig, voor het gemak meerekent, dan heb je daarnaast nog de ‘g’ (tenminste, als de spreker geen zachte ‘g’ heeft) en bij sommige sprekers de ‘r’ (de brouw-‘r’). Valt reuze mee! Niet dat ik daarmee wil zeggen dat Nederlands leren spreken makkelijk is. Een nieuwe taal leren blijft een enorme opgave.

[@danamarcotteseiler7423]

@@MichaiGatlen Chinese is harder than Dutch

[@SonOfBaraki359]

is it different that if you moved to france ? or italy ? or germany ? Or brazil ? or japan ?

[@TAndTGoDutch]

We’re not sure. We haven’t lived any of those other places. Certainly there would be similarities. We’re just sharing our experience here.

[@SonOfBaraki359]

​@@TAndTGoDutch i just meant that it applies to all migrants, all over the world Being far, missing things, don't speak the language, having trouble to "connect" with local people. It's not just you and/or the netherlands.

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Sure, that makes sense.

[@chubbymoth5810]

Small scale events with some topic you like are an easy way to make friends is my experience. But I'm fairly outgoing and speak multiple languages, so never had a lack in that regard. Many people here make friends in clubs and societies. So if you have any hobbies or fringe interest, chances are there is some club for it. You two somehow seem like people that would enjoy LARP. And Dutch is relatively easy for English speakers as it is in the same language family, has very similar grammar and the same word order. We also use the same writing system. Try a tonal language like Chinese for fun. When it comes to learning a language I strongly advise watching Dutch children's TV series. They have strong picture and context relation when it comes to what is said and are often very funny for adults as well. Same with comics for kids. Don't push yourselves too much, make sure you get the basics and slowly build on that. It takes Dutch kids several years to start speaking sense, so don't expect to be that much faster. Take small steps at first, so you don't get too stressed and at some point you'll recognise new words even if you didn't know them from context. In general some day the quarter drops and all the sudden it makes sense. And yes,.. that is dubbel double Dutch. Try reading without using a dictionary for every word, but guess from context and how you'd think the word would sound. Ig at some point the story really doesn't make sense anymore, that's the time to look things up and have that Aha! moment. When you'd read a scientific article chances are you would gloss over words you don't know as well. It doesn't matter all that much to know what a transformative turboflux is to enjoy the story of some sci-fi series either and that is the same with any language.

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Thank you so much for your comment, super insightful. We'll try out some of your tips. We appreciate you watching!

[@ffqm]

Dutch is considered one of the most difficult languages in Europe to learn, so don't worry about it. You'll get there. 😊 Greetings from a Dutch language teacher. Also Dutch of foreign descend do tend to hug a lot more and are more touchy feely. Feel free to contact me if you ever need some tips and a hug in Utrecht. 😊

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Aww, you’re so sweet. Thank you for the encouragement and kindness!

[@robertcuminale1212]

Once you learn to make the sounds used in pronunciation It's a matter of picking up vocabulary and sentence structure. English is a much harder language because it borrows so much from other languages. I lived in a Spanish country for four years and the people were so amazed that the same letters could have different sounds. Try them on ough as in through, though, rough, bought. English speakers slaughter foreign words especially surnames. There are over 20 variations of van Schaijk. My mother's maiden name Demarest was originally de Marest and has 7 variations.

[@ffqm]

@@robertcuminale1212 I don't think you realize how many words Dutch loans from other languages. Way more than English. It probably depends on your background and starting situation.

[@jimijames9792]

I'll gladly come drink beers with you guys.

[@fiskurtjorn7530]

* Funny thing about Wassenaar. It sounds like "was ze naar" and this translates to "was she evil?" or "was she bad?". Ross & Iba made a song about this kzbin.info/www/bejne/qXi3d4OvqJ56nM0 * A few elephant hops across the road of the embassy, there is the "Louwman Museum". Even if you don't like cars, like me, it is fun to visit. You can encounter a museum car in the wild on the road as they need a spin from time to time. * Making friends among natives is hard. I have family who moved abroad. When I visited them all their friends were immigrants too and among them they spoke dutch what made it hard for them to speak a decent English. * Dutch do not hug. In American sitcoms, it seems the slightest thing is a reason to hug. Which feels weird to a nation where a hug is an intimate expression reserved for close family and very close friends. Dutch also do not wave very expressively. You can see someone wave by only extending the fingers, not moving the (fore) arm at al. Or wave by only moving the eyebrows up and moving the nose ever so slightly up and down quickly.

[@charleneakse5606]

Sadly the Dutch aren't the hugging people, but maybe if you kind of introduce it or say you would love to hug your friend, you probably get one!

[@arjanpetersen]

@7:00 no one ever in Netherlands would put that as a priority 😅

[@gnagtegaal]

Als jullie nog eens in Tilburg komen laat ons het maar even weten. Dan komen wij jullie wel een knuffel geven.

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Dat is erg aardig! We komen graag snel nog een keer langs!

[@louwnajoubert4352]

Did you go to the US to visit or did you move back to the US?

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Just a visit.

[@LindaCasey]

🤣🤣 Omg, give it time!!!! Because Amsterdam is one of the most frequented stop over Iocations is Europe, you'II soon have peopIe you bareIy remember from high schooI wanting a free pIace to stay when they go on their European tour. 🤣🤣 If your friendships are reaI, you can go for years and years without even speaking a word and when you DO get back together, it's Iike no time has passed. 💞 I DID get those phone caIIs where a famiy member died and I had to go home for their funeraI, BUT, I made sure that I had gone home every other year and had those Ioving heart to heart taIks with them so that nothing wouId have gone unsaid by the time it came for me to return unexpectedIy.😥 YES, definiteIy vote October 9!🎃 You're so right about the Dutch Ianguage (and Greek in my case), it takes a Iot of effort to Iearn the Iogic behind it, but if you Iearn to conjugate the verbs first (begin with past, present and future), you'II have conquered haIf of the Ianguage right there.🥴 I'II admit that I made most of my Dutch friends (when I was your age) through my work pIace. I seIdom (if ever) mingIed with Americans, though Iater on in my Iife I did have an EngIish speaking 'cIub' of sorts that was open to everybody. I worked for a temporary agency at first untiI I dared to appIy for more jobs appropriate to my fieId, which was hiIarious because I couId speak better medicaI terminoIogy than Dutch at that time.🤪 So gIad you found KeIIy's Expat, my favorite things are French vaniIIa creamer and diet Dr. Pepper and Root Beer. EEEgads, making me drooI again. 😂 Hang in there guys ... it takes about three years before you actuaIIy stop comparing the U.S. (back home) to what they DON'T have over here. When you go back to the States, you'II start to notice that your Iist of things to bring back gets shorter and shorter. I'm so gIad you have each other for those much needed hugs and that you're both young enough to be abIe to adapt much easier in due time, I gotta admit though, that the onIy time I ever got homesick was when I went back to the States to Iive. I pined for HoIIand. 🌹🌹🌹🌹 P.S. I can give you a stuffing recipe so you don't have to spend an arma and a Ieg at KeIIy's for it. 💞

[@mariadebake5483]

I am Dutch and we never hug in our family.

[@louiseleite3866]

You don't know what you're missing out.

[@mariadebake5483]

@@louiseleite3866 I do. I don't like my privacy disturbed.

[@louiseleite3866]

@@mariadebake5483 nothing to do with privacy, just a normal human thing but then.... You're Dutch 😂

[@michavandam]

Concerning your struggle with learning Dutch, I've got another hard truth for you guys: it's not "The Hague" and "EMsterdem", but "Den Haag" and "AhmsterDAHM".

[@TAndTGoDutch]

Thanks so much! Appreciate you adding to our list.

[@jochem86]

Wassenaar is one of the most expensive cities... most rich people live here, multi million dollar houses.

[@Paul_C]

The moment you move to the Netherlands please do not move to a small village. Basically you get shunned because they expect people to speak Dutch. It is far easier to acclimatise in, what most Americans still would see as a village, city of around 125.000 people and up. Small villages and tiny towns are basically a closed community, even most of the Dutch themselves recognise that.

[@TAndTGoDutch]

We’ve lived in Leiden for almost a year now, and are very happy with our decision.