4chan Stories: The War

[@mnitzah4459]

He is a Tard War veteran.... bless his soul

[@jackvergis2358]

marco polo2263 amen

[@vengeful1695]

War...war never changes

[@ichangedmyname2231]

Edge Lord I'm sure this war is weirder than any of the shit The Courier scene

[@bagmanbitter6921]

War... has changed. It's no longer about nations, ideologies, or ethnicity. It's an endless series of proxy battles fought by mercenaries and machines. War, and its consumption of life, has become a well-oiled machine. War has changed. ID-tagged soldiers carry ID-tagged weapons, use ID-tagged gear. Nano-machines inside their bodies enhance and regulate their abilities. Genetic control, information control, emotion control... battlefield control. Everything is monitored and kept under control. War - has changed. The age of deterrence has become the age of control. All in the name of averting catastrophe from Weapons of Mass Destruction. And he who controls the battlefield, controls history. War has changed... When the battlefield is under total control, war becomes routine

[@jaclenthegreat4790]

Only Tards through the halls they walk

[@leefart9690]

+Logan Farley stfu

[@alecmakesandeatsfood4546]

Bum BUUUMMM BUUUUUUM

[@billybobthorton3378]

I want these 4chan stories to be turned into actual movies. They would be perfect

[@BlackRoseVelvet]

Imagine you are a highly decorated veteran riot officer. You’ve seen some shit, been in riots where guns were involved and even got shot once or twice. You and your team get a call to go to this school. You’re thinking it’s probably just some football game gone bad. You arrive at the scene, your plate carrier, helmet, and other gear your only protection. You get out of the van and see what must be thousands of kids beating the shit out of each other. Baffled, you get into formation with what must be ten or so other teams. Some downy looking kids start charging, flinging shit at your shield. You roll a high constitution and don’t vomit in your helmet. You look around, seeing the heat of battle. Tards are interspersed throughout, attacking each other. Normal kids are fighting normal kids, most sticking in friend groups. Horror dawns on your face as you get the order to toss in tear gas. Teenagers or children should not have to suffer such a thing. You comply anyway, hearing the screams and cries of the afflicted. For the rest of your life those screams and cries haunt your nightmares as you remember the Second Great Tard War.

[@kamenridernephilim]

Sounds like an average day at a liberal arts college or anti Trump protest.

[@playlistmaker5169]

Sounds Like A 2016 School War In Indonesia Times 3.

[@arianmoore4474]

I was a federal prison guard on a riot team called in to the May 2020 riots in DC 2020. I still remember the sounds of virtue signaling white liberal arts college girls getting OC'd. Quite fondly of I'm being honest

[@dragodx8238]

Indonesian school gameplay vs Indonesian school lore. Surprised I haven't gotten into a tawuran yet. Can't tell if good thing or bad thing.

[@duceawj5009]

Stalin reads his report to the Party Congress. Suddenly someone sneezes. "Who sneezed?" Silence. "First row! On your feet! Shoot them!" They are shot, and he asks again, "Who sneezed, Comrades?" No answer. "Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!" They are shot too. "Well, who sneezed?" At last a sobbing cry resounds in the Congress Hall, "It was me! Me!" Stalin says, "Bless you, Comrade!"

[@JohnBrown-ox7sy]

Not Hitler I thought u were hitler but turns out u not

[@Scaphism_]

Guess your just some random.German trying to make jokes hmmmm u look familiar

[@duceawj5009]

Joseph Stalin Who told you I was Hitler?

[@indefenceofmarxism-leninis671]

Stupid fucking joke.

[@damienfinnegan8272]

Now go to gulag.

[@trexthriving]

10/10 we need a full-length feature film of this

[@politicsfordummies3265]

Yes.

[@jamessider7949]

Dat lotr music in the background killed me

[@karolkwiecjasz9356]

I died at the Deus Ex one at the end.

[@robertcorbell1006]

Try imagining "Terry Crews" as his President Camacho character from "Idiocracy" going all Samson or Hercules on the enemy tards and eventually the cops to the "Ride of the Roharrim" music from the Battle of Pelennor Fields scene (the music you mentioned that you and I both loved). XD

[@robertcorbell1006]

Also, make the other tards those troll berserkers from "Shadow of War" that look the way they do in the movie version of "Fellowship" while for some reason acting and sounding like Sloth from "The Goonies". Plus Mr. "Pink Dick Good" Gilbert can be a more slobbering moron version of the guy in the picture from the part describing and introducing him. LMAO

[@mohawkmohican8611]

some of it reminded me of fallout 3

[@robertcorbell1006]

Also imagine the tard wranglers as the Viking-like Dundleling overseers with their whips, the kids from both schools are the Men of the East with the exceptions of the main guy and his friend who are Frodo and Sam trying to escape the chaos after an Uruk-hai commander of the lesser orc regiment they get drafted into gets into it with the humans also under Sauron. Another musical option for if he does an audio-book of these that's royalty-free is the "Battle of Pelennor Fields" from the Bo Hansson concept album for Lord of the Rings that many a stoner and book fan listened to while reading the books before the movie came along in tandem with the 78' animated soundtrack and other pieces inspired by it done by numerous folk artists.

[@squiddle5193]

The LotR music really got me hyped. Legenday tier greentext too, gj

[@oliverhendrych]

Infinity War

[@Ike_of_pyke]

Stealth Creations and we saw how that went

[@nexusmeepster7810]

Holy shit.

[@robertcorbell1006]

Dimfinity War, World War T, 800: Rise of Crews, and Battle of the Brainless are all very good candidates for this one. :)

[@aidanedwardsmith8033]

Infinity war is the most ambitious crosso.....

[@thewildcard8167]

Too many iron men

[@BreMue]

The LOTR soundtrack in the background really made this 11/10

[@Toyota--Camry]

If this is real, this story is the most comparable to an actual war

[@Appel2Juice3]

How the battle of Troy started

[@rogueflintlock44]

Just imagine half way through the battle you just finished a normie, and then look around you almost as if in slow motion. The screaming of tards, and normies alike, watching tards drag away men you called friends as they kicked and screamed. You see a home-grown tard beating some rival normie's face on the ground. It's like either, that one world war 1 movie when they got into close quarters, or that one for honor trailer where everyone on the battlefield had 1 person they were fighting against, then would find someone new if they won their own fight. Better example, The battle of the bastards from game of thrones when the cavalry got decimated and it was a mix of friends and foes in to one big horrific mosh pit of bodies.

[@bigboyjimbo5468]

The beginning from the "through mod and blood" story in battlefield 1

[@thedukeduck4613]

5:56 that phrase paired with the music is the fucking funniest shit I ever heard.

[@Amnesia1998]

"Whoop whoop sound of the police" That caught me so off guard cause it comes outta nowhere and it just feels so emotionless when its spoken rather than sang. I was laughing a good bit.

[@noahbarrett3390]

that lord of the rings music made this way more epic than it should have been

[@professorbaelus627]

I wanted one tard to just play eurobeat on the field

[@StabbySabby]

KaputElephant56 ! howbout Metalica - For whom the bell tolls

[@professorbaelus627]

M3RKPH4NT0M NO, ONLY EUROBEAT

[@StabbySabby]

KaputElephant56 ! only hardbass!

[@professorbaelus627]

M3RKPH4NT0M then check out 10s by Pantera, real metal, none of that sissy shit

[@stanleystriker7065]

KaputElephant56 ! Dammit. Now i have to break out my Pantera collection. Thanks 😎

[@niko7877]

Anon knows how to start a story. 1 minute in and we can already feel the high af tension between the two schools

[@winngedhussarmalaka7685]

Nick Yolo in Cork (Ireland) there is one school everyone hates. Fucking rich parents are the only reason Thier school gets good stuff. Everyone join together to bring down their school. I was part of the nerd robotics team to beat them. Other teams were sabotaging whenever they could. They are probably the most hated school in the country. Those from Cork will know what school I am on about

[@Ironbattlemace]

War, war has really fucking changed.

[@CheeseDudInTheOven]

Tards are like those fallout characters that have 0 intelligence and their strength is at max along with luck

[@idonhaveanyideawhattocallm1472]

4chan greetexts are modern hearth fire stories

[@samuelcox9656]

4:30 it's sad that I recognise this as the ride of the Rohirrim from lotr

[@doctorplays-ox1qg]

Honestly expected this to turn into a warhammer40K "I-am-a-guardsman" scenario where they were viciously murdered and turn by turn more ridiculous forces entered the field.

[@tayoramirez5006]

*WOOP WOOP IT'S DA SOUND OF THE POLICE*

[@TheoGaming756]

I have always loved the LoTR Soundtrack and it is oddly fitting here.

[@MsLeighton41]

*in king aurthers voice* JESUS CHRIST

[@robertcorbell1006]

Fitting, given the setting of the story as indicated by certain words and terms for things. lol

[@connor48880]

‘Allo, monsieur Arthur-King!”

[@madtrapper1312]

War war never changes

[@brandonvelde5774]

*Fallout theme plays*

[@alphonser272]

*war has changed*

[@shrimp_on_internet]

Vault dweller noises

[@cyrillic4]

>It took 5 riot shields to pin Terry Cruz down Holy fucking shit. You could probably release an entire LMG magazine into him and he wouldn't even fucking flinch

[@Fiercedeity02]

I lost it at the LotR music

[@justsomeguyhidinginthecomm8167]

This was the best last day of school ever

[@PuppetMasteronVHS]

When two schools have a rivalry with one another and they need an excuse to brawl... UNLEASH THE TARDS!

[@JingleJoe]

one of your best readings yet, not the story but the quality of your diction, keep up the good work :)

[@compatriot852]

Somebody needs to seriously animate this green text

[@embroideredragdoll]

In the U.K. we call this “mong strength”.

[@andro9074]

I want an animated version of this.

[@SaintBrokenDay316]

I herd the lotr music and i thought “tards=orcs”

[@robertcorbell1006]

Imagine the shrieking and howling orc berserkers and troll tanks from "Shadow of War" as the armies of King Tardus, a.k.a "Terry Crews". XD

[@aethelwyrnblack7016]

...They have a cave troll

[@robertcorbell1006]

Got to love those cave trolls that act and sound like Sloth from "The Goonies" in both "Fellowship" and the SoW game. Perfect doppelgangers for some of these tater warriors. lol

[@cheekybird6560]

This is beautiful 😂

[@percivalthemimicknight2733]

hanz_64 _ agreed.

[@RUSTYCHEVYTRUCK]

hanz_64 _ boy shut your sensitive ass up

[@RUSTYCHEVYTRUCK]

hanz_64 _ Nevermind I just cried

[@williamlydon2554]

I have not laughed this hard in years. Your a fucking saint.

[@redultra4324]

You always know it’s 100% fake when the narrator gets involved

[@m0m02k]

Ok, that first image gives me feels. I used to watch that show when I was little, I loved it.

[@connor48880]

What show is it?

[@connor48880]

Do you remember yet?

[@kodyspicer41]

That was possibly the greatest shit i ever heard

[@noahhollomon7316]

Then everyone clapped

[@LifeOfFox]

I can't get enough of these stories lmao

[@HappyFlapps]

Gilbert The Tard - Thank you for your service.

[@frankk9152]

This is the best one yet we need more like this .

[@Cjskcusoejsla]

When you only upgrade your player’s strength and nothing else

[@qwertyPROairsoft]

Best greentxt narrator going

[@travishorton8290]

That LOTR music makes this fucking epic

[@erebys21]

I wish something like this could happen at my school. I would fucking love it.

[@ilosttehlegs4517]

the most emotional story about war.

[@1145223bena]

.-. Scarier thought, 3 way battle, Neil, Terry Crews and Timmy the Destroyer

[@thramagen]

"got hit a couple of times, but thankfully they were only hits from normies" XD

[@bloodraven1190]

"It was like Jon Snow at hardhome"

[@Andersrifbjerg]

Thank you for your service in the Tard war anon!

[@RAMZAVFX]

The moment I recognized the lord of the rings music I fucking DIED!

[@scootza1]

I had to pause at 4:29 and collect myself, the mere thought of the chaos that would ensue was making me bust a gut EDIT; holy shit, I fell out of my fucking chair. Too good to be true!!!

[@brokenteethalbumreviews5388]

I'd pay money to see this

[@danieldeak9141]

I am convinced that tards are our worlds Orks. They are dumb As shit, but have overpowering strength, extreme endurance and immense pain resistance. Plus if you knock one down, three more come back in the first ones place.

[@pepsi-chan]

COD Black Ops 4 Script confirmed

[@godzilla_fan_13]

Terry Cruz "Now I am become Death, The Destroyer of Worlds..."

[@BrettCarrollTV]

I couldn’t stop laughing throughout math class

[@robw2772]

Literally the best thing I’ve ever heard

[@msbae]

This could have made for an EXCELLENT hack'n'slash video game.

[@RealSwampPanther]

These are like well made creepypastas but less creeping

[@JLPicard1648]

I was expecting it to turn into the Trojan War. Gilbert is Paris, Terry Cruz is Menelaus, his girl is Helen, the normies are the Trojan and Macedonian soldiers

[@kevinDMC12]

we need a "tard war veteran" cap

[@russianbot8423]

Truly this was an epic tale of Tardemic battle.

[@zorken123]

The fucking LoTR music as the battle commences. Brilliant stuff, my man.

[@M1ABRIMSvsPANZER]

I was not expecting the helmsdeep music. I was out getting takeout and started cracking up. The looks I got lol.

[@Kronkinator]

War... War never changes

[@RAMZAVFX]

Now I roam the wasteland...

[@microaggressions]

The Lord of the rings return of the King epic classical battle music playing around 4 minutes 35 seconds is what made me finally break and start laughing

[@TheManeymon]

You feel it too don't you? We're gonna make them give back our green texts. All for Lulz.

[@FinalFroggie]

Good stuff Dovah, I like these!

[@TheCrazyhusky]

Would make a decent movie. or an ending to one

[@marcoaureliofernandezreyes1413]

Hilarious story and excellent narration.

[@youknowho7834]

6:57 I swear I thought you were going to have one of those song punchline jokes like the lochness monster one OPEN THE DOOR GET ON THE FLOOR EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR

[@meganchristopher4464]

When the FEV virus mutates and gives you 10 charism and 10 strength.

[@shrimp_on_internet]

It means you are Tabitha from new vegas.

[@meganchristopher4464]

Max what do you see with your true eyes?

[@kratakat]

I would pay good money to see the glory unfold

[@roflchiefmcjoflchief1791]

I want this shit to never end

[@emperorcharlemagne369]

This is the only green text story i have ever heard deserving of its own film.

[@bakugou5912]

I remember the war we sending our own jelly black giant it was unstoppable still have Vietnam flashbacks p

[@slayer19978]

this is glorious we must prepare ourselves

[@julius9943]

god i wish this was real

[@winngedhussarmalaka7685]

Skyking probably waz

[@julius9943]

nothing in green text is true

[@slettdawg7842]

That honestly sounds fuckin sick. Wish I was in the middle of it.

[@danieldeak9141]

This should go down in history. luckily it is forever preserved within the net.

[@acolyte_nova_7_146]

yo someone needs to animate this

[@negativepositive5263]

Preston _ 8 minutes and 24 seconds of hell.

[@Kaleii08]

Gilbert hecking savage

[@cas4400]

God damned the LOTR music really got me into it hahaha, I could see Gandalf leading his tard army.

[@lordadorable7362]

"Heard something about a brawl on the pitch. Kind of interested, friends and I hope to see something similar but didn't expect it to." And then it happend.jpg

[@madsclausen4028]

Omg, I fucking lost it when I realized the background music was the battle of the pelennor fields theme.

[@mathieuleader8601]

Gilbert He had ten thousand men; He marched them up to the top of the hill, And he marched them down again. And when they were up, they were up, And when they were down, they were down, And when they were only half-way up, They were neither up nor down

[@PunishedCreepswork4]

a shitposter is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

[@mathieuleader8601]

EXACTLY

[@hastomarakunotendenshi3159]

Ah yes, I remember my first time battleing a tard 1 v1 I was/am slightly autistic so yeah. I lost that fight, I was completly and utterly decimated. I was in a hospital for days, weeks. So when I was released I reilized the frail body of a aussy that I had. So I trained, I trained my body so it could defeat even tards, I went in sewage tunnels to become immune to the horribel smell of piss and shit that I would inevently have to face if I were to defeat my rival, the tard Timmy. Here's the kicker, unlike a tard I had my brain but a weak body, that last part was taken care of. So I did boxing and Judo, and once two years had passed I was ready to face Timmy once more. But in those two years he became a behemoth of death and destruction, the tard wrangler's and even his fellow tards were terrified of him. Even the normie students wouldn't tease him, he was far to powerful for that. I may have been autistic but I understood the normies and decided to become their champion. They didn't want to do anything....that is until Timmy decided to rip the bra's off of some of the popular kids girlfriend's. He wasn't punished. Now they wern't asshole popular, they were likeable, awesome, and hard to *NOT* be friends with popular. So the pretty much the entire student body decided to fight back against the behemoth known as Timmy. So we came up with a plan. We got a girl to tell Timmy that she liked him and to meet her by himself in a nearby park in a very secluded area. Student's hung out there often so when Timmy went nothing looked out of place as many student's we're nearby the area, not a single adult close by to hear a fight. He went to the clearing and instead of seeing the girl he saw me with my shirt off. He stared at me and asked where the girl was, I tell him that the girl lied to him and he was just here so I could fight him. He get's aangry and is about to leave, but out of nowhere lot's of kids come and taunt him into fighting me. This is the first time his rule has been challened in a year. He gets anget and accepts because there were some tards there, but only tthae calm one's. He takes his shirt off as well. We are 10 feet apart him standing a good head taller than me. We charge, it was a glorious battle kid's watching, recording cheering and booing. He and I attacked eeach other with the ferocity of two giraffes trying to kill one another. The fight was a good 15 minutes but then out of nowhere he struck me in the face. The acient rules are no face punching so everyone was shocked, I stumbeled back a bit stunned, he charged me and I regained my bearings right when he was upon me I judo flipped him and he hit the ground hard and went out cold. It was silent the only sounds heard were of bugs, and then cheering, I won I defeated the Tard king. The next week the tards saw me as their new leader. That was the reason why a few tards were allowed to watch the fight in order to tell their brethren of the new king, Me.

[@braincell1899]

We know this isn't real but it is damn good story telling

[@voidtoxins]

brought tears to my eyes. Bootiful

[@connorkoelling8594]

we need someone to animate this

[@jkethsnke3640]

Fucking glorious I want to be there with a foam nerf sword

[@whiteboy7thstsfanboy]

The music makes this even better.

[@batteryboi2967]

Terry Cruz dies in infinity war

[@chrise7180]

Nice touch with the LOTR music, Creeps. You done good on this one.

[@WelloBello]

The music is pure fucking gold.