5 Lessons Learned After 5 Years of Montessori Parenting

[@DezziQ]

I agree with all of this. I have followed your for 4 years now. my youngest daughter was my intro to Monte life. I didn't get a toddler tower, we used an Ikea kitchen chair and supervision. I didn't get a fancy floor bed. I used the bottom of her crib and her crib mattress until an Ikea jr. Bed was a good size. I packed away alot of the wooden puzzles and toys at 3 years old. I stopped doing toy rotations around 3 years old and just made sure every toy had a place and was visible, same with books. Made sure her hooks were low enough for her to hang her own jackets and backpacks. You can do it without spending a million dollars

[@AnestheticsForAna]

I used to watch all your videos for a couple years but then stopped for a while because of my own issues with how Montessori parenting is presented online and of course the comparison thing. This video is the first I’ve watched of anything Montessori for a while and honestly was a breath of fresh air and very self-aware of the erroneous thinking we parents can fall into when trying to implement Montessori principles into our daily lives. Thank you. I will now hide back in my corner of the world 😅

[@jessicagaige7952]

I have a lot of the same feelings. The comparison trap and expectations are just overwhelming.

[@hspurr5922]

Same. "Montessori" just became a label to sell things or brag about a lifestyle instead of focusing on the core principles of a child interacting in real, practical life! The watered-down attitude is toxic and makes it so hard to actually research and talk about the main idea

[@CheerSeeds]

To help our children to “cultivate a personal stewardship towards the earth.” This is so beautifully put - of course the core reason why we are all raising our children to be the best they can be is so that each one of them can reach their full potentials and hopefully leave the earth a better place than when they were born into it, because that’s how we can advance as a society, as a species, as an earthling! Thank you soo much for bringing it back to this and giving us a gentle reminder ❤

[@MariaandMontessori]

To add to that first point, Practical Life is also the starting point of the class! Not only from the progression of materials and presentations, but also what we see kids first gravitate towards when the enter Montessori class! Because for those who weren't in a Montessori preschool prior or a Montessori style home, it's often the first time they're getting to do these basic day to day activities they've seen adults doing, all on their own! Some kids spend weeks or even months fully immersed in the Practical Life area just soaking it all in! And from the perspective of the class, so much of what is needed "academically", regardless of Montessori class or not, is found in the Practical Life activities. Sequencing, following directions, problem solving, fine motor and gross motor development, counting and measuring, prediction, setting up and putting away an activity, language development... I always say one of the best ways to see if a school is a GREAT Montessori school is to ask "what happens if my child is only interested in the Practical Life area?" because that should give them the opportunity to show just how well rounded and central that area IS!

[@HapaFamily]

YES! Mia’s self-reported favorite activity ALL YEAR thus far has been “polishing”. 😂👏

[@MariaandMontessori]

@Hapa Family Stella agrees. Silver polishing has been her absolute favorite and Joonyoung's absolute nightmare 🤣🤣

[@JL14858]

Thanks for this. Especially the part about all children being different. It's easy to lose sight of. Instead of a learning tower we got a $10 plastic step stool from the hardware store. It's light weight so the kids can move it easily, is just the right height, and doesn't take up much space. Works well for us.

[@sumits8848]

Hey Ashley , can you do a video on managing emotions when a child goes to school for the first time. What to say to the child and how to help make this transition easy. Being consistent and gentle and acknowledging feelings is there but if the child is constantly crying and asking not to go to school initially it’s hard and feels forceful to make them go. What does Montessori say about that?

[@stephgreis705]

Thank you so much for this! I'd been thinking about whether I "should" try to get little one (27 months) to do more shelf work, but we try to be outside so much that most of our time at home is spent doing practical life (cooking, tidying, normal life stuff), reading or playing with open-ended toys (we just got the train tracks out and she loves them!!). This video has been really reassuring! :)

[@Daymickey]

Sounds like you’re doing great and she’s spending her time just right! 😊

[@hillg7524]

I agree with focusing on where you child is at developmentally wise but personally don’t agree with not introducing alphabet or math until age 3. My daughter has been very interested in letters since she started talking at 13 months old. By 2 years old she was able to name all of her letters, in both lower and upper case, and the sound they make/a word that starts with that letter. She has magnetic letters for the refrigerator that she loves and carries them around naming them and coming up with words that start with that letter. She comes to me and begs me to “make letters” she will tell me what letter/ sound she wants and wants me to write the letter. I cannot even imagine waiting another year to even introduce her to the alphabet. We never pushed it on her just made it fun and read alphabet books and played with letters and flash cards and point letters out as we read. She has taken to it wonderfully. Now I show her how I sound words out with each letter and she actually seems to be starting to understand how the letters go together to make words. I know not every child is the same but I’m glad I introduced them early and didn’t wait until the age for her to hit the “sensitive period” to start teaching her at 3 years old!

[@user-fc2xk3uv8y]

ofc if your child is ready for it its ok to introduce it earlier. reminder these are guidelines and suggestions and there are always exceptions to the rule

[@MariaandMontessori]

"My child only wants to do X, how do I get them to do the shelf activities" is SUCH a common question. And yes there's some things to consider for that as well, often it is as simple as just letting the child explore what theyre interested in! They're playing with cars all day? Great! That' cause & effect, motion, friction, speed...physics! They're drawing all day? That's creativity, colors, maybe shapes, and strengthening their hand. It also seems the shelf and activity ideas often get misinterpreted as almost a curriculum, rather than just that-ideas! Ideas set out based on OUR unique child's interests that COULD be of interest to another child if they have the same interest or could absolutely not be of interest at all! They're set up as an invitation to explore a concept we notice an interest in, but, especially in toddlerhood, that's not the main part of their day. Even in the toddler class, that work cycle would be such a short part of the day and STILL contain practical life! Yes, we have some strong interest in counting literally everything so yeah there's a couple counting activities on the shelf. That get used every other day for maybe 5 minutes max. Most of the day is dolls, cars, reading, building, running, climbing, drawing, and being outside!

[@HapaFamily]

💯 I love the notion of thinking about the shelf work as “invitations”-reallly helps to keep things in perspective!

[@sagetaluy7800]

Yesss getting outside is key!! Montessori at its simplest and finest!

[@RoutinenReich]

I was so frustrated when my daughter wouldn't play with all the Montessori toys on her shelf in the "right" way when she was a toddler, and I got so mad because I had that expectation from seeing all the beautiful set ups on social media, and it totally distracted me from the fact that she is a super creative kid that comes up with so many games of her own. When I was finally able to let go of all the Montessori toys we had I could finally appreciate her and her imagination, and it also gave us so much more time (I wasn't chasing around all the little toy parts around the house). Social media has us thinking it's all about the shelves - when it really isn't. (It was actually a video of Ashley's, I can't remember which one, that first helped me understand that it is normal for some children to not play with the Montessori toys in the "appropriate" way and that that isn't a reason to worry)

[@MariaandMontessori]

It's totally normal and welcomed for the Montessori activities to not be used "correctly"! As long as it's safe and respectful, it's welcomed! Especially in a home setting where we are rotating toys and kids dont have access to ALL types of activities at once, it is more than likely going to happen. That's a beautiful way to see what the child IS interested in and see how we can further support them in their current journey 🫶

[@thesweetspot26]

My child is developmentally delayed due to having a developmental and intellectual disability. Although, she is within a special education program within a public school, I find it hard sometimes not to feel overwhelmed with the academic expectations of her grade and age. I wonder how I can be patient and wait until she is ready knowing that it may take her more time that what is "expected" for her age and academic year. I find life activities and outdoors really enjoyable and we do it often. They are like a relief for me because theses activities for some reason do not lead me to think about expectations or comparisons like the ones in the academics. By the way my child is 5.5 years old. Thank you for your video. It is a reminder to be patient and respect my precious and unique child.

[@feliciaweese9663]

I needed this video today 💛 Lesson 4 really spoke to me. Thanks for your positive outlook and compassion for us parents. Hope your family is doing well these days 🙏🏼

[@AmmaraSHAH773377]

I have been thinking about this a lot and in need of some of these reminders. I know one thing that has happened in the past 7 months of the pregnancy is that i have become more relaxed on my expectations for both myself and my toddler. I just learnt to enjoy the alone time we have had even though i found it difficult. One thing which helped me to not depend so much on the prepared environment was that i couldn't get the energy to prepare it to the level i wanted to. But i did rely on practical life and gross motor opportunities and pretend play a lot more. And even when i had low energy one thing which helped me was to be honest with her. The positive discipline techniques in this way of parenting and just being respectful enough to be honest and have her involved in this big part of my life day to day without expectations from her somehow she suprised me with how much she is capable of in understanding what is going on and how she can adjust to it. I trust that she will adapt and am ready to guide her through it with the same amount of respect for her once the baby is with us. A lot of these points are what i learnt from being put in a situation where i had to live them. I had to learn to be okay with her not liking the activities i prepared bevause i didn't have much else i could offer and then also learning to DIY or buy items from charity shops because i had to save up and reduce how much i spent on the Montessori stuff and just had to learn to enjoy the time we had during the day to day tasks aound the house. Had learnt that being outside for most of the days we were alone, was very beneficial and not just wasting her learning time and was building a lot of key skills that i was so excited to see her developing on those days where i couldn't be cooped up. I learnt so much along these lines from the toughest times. And i appreciated how much we have already benefited from following the Montessori approach these previous 2 years alhamdulillah. I am very greatful to have found your videoes so early on and valuing this approach is what has lead me to a community of home education locally that i never expected. I thought we would have a Montessori school somewhere near us but once i because stressed out in the normal schools near us, i was greatly relieved to find that we could home educate in the uk and that we had a community already settled into it with a lot of varying backgrounds who all value the pace of their children and the natural development of a child and are very much following the respectful parenting approaches so it doesn't matter if they follow Montessori or Charlotte mason or waldorf or other educational techniques, the main thing is that the child is valued and respected. This is something i didn't expect to be doing in our life but its going to be better for our family in the long run I'm sure Thank you for posting these videos can't wait to share with some of the mums in our community.

[@MariaandMontessori]

I'm so excited for your upcoming journey with H and little one!

[@HapaFamily]

And you know what?! You have discovered sooo many strengths already that will be super beneficial once you have another child in the mix! Going with the flow… working with what you have and the circumstances you find yourself in-is almost always the best way to do things. Much less stress for everyone all around! 😜

[@The.Journey.to.Freedom]

You are so sweet and enc8uraging! Always good to be reminded that there is no perfect parent. Just do the best you can!

[@mimmyrose2970]

Did you cut your hair? It looks great on you!

[@HapaFamily]

I did, thanks! :)

[@oddlilbird]

Love it!

[@stephanielim7967]

I agree. Looks great!

[@janetsmall2310]

Your hair looks great 😊

[@mtosques]

Thanks for sharing! Would love a video on giving allowances for older kids as you once mentioned you do not give it for chores. Would love to hear as they are older your take on family chores and allowance.

[@juliadoprado7802]

Thank you for sharing these valious perceptions! I had my daughter as a teenanger and i'm still struggling to build a home where she can finally be free and have soft space with many possibilities for her development, I see true in you and I admire your work and sharing! From Brazil.

[@hspurr5922]

You are an amazing parent to be putting in so much research and care for your daughter! Keep up the good work :)

[@juliadoprado7802]

@@hspurr5922 lovely to read this! Thank you very much!

[@RosalindReloj]

This. Every tip, every word. So good. Thank you, Ashley! Hope you and Mike and your fantastic family are well!

[@kristina282k]

What do all the parents who use the Montessori concept do once the kids get older? After elementary school it’s not practical and very difficult to implement.

[@toobizarremusic4399]

You are one of the best home schooling content creators out here❤️❤️❤️ Thanks for sharing these valuable informations. I wish you healthy, wealthy and beautiful family life 🙏🙏

[@charliepeterson1745]

I believe letters should be introduced as young as 3. But imho math can be introduced earlier for some kids. The concepts of counting, estimating, sorting by shape and colour, matching, one to one correspondence, number recognition up to 10 are all quite easy to incorporate into a toddlers play. Letters not so much.

[@alishaberrey6603]

Ashley, I just finished watching your 6-12 age range video. I have a 6 and 5 year old. So much good knowledge and life wisdom. I would love to see some videos specifically on the topics you covered: what art materials do you leave out, which ones do you not (like paint 😬 that can get everywhere). How does your daughter sew, how did you teach her? Videos depicting your children preparing their own breakfasts/lunches? I was interested when you said that you "compromised" with your child about teeth brushing. Personally, authority was always "if I say it you obey it" for me and I have thought that compromise is a good idea as my children grow. I would love to see how you balance authority and a child's budding independence in your home. I love your channel. Our family has learned so much over the years. Thank you!

[@DemimPravocefilha]

Whenever I watch one of your videos, I always feel calm and confident. Thank you ❤️

[@kiwimorado]

I just want to thank you for all that you do. I have been following you since my daughter was born. She will be 3 in May. :) You have helped us so much. Thanks for being so amazing!

[@aparnaprakash9388]

You are my parenting therapist 😄

[@HapaFamily]

😂 I’ll take it!

[@melissacastillo6969]

Thank you so much for your videos!!! You are so knowledgeable and I really enjoy them. ❤

[@HapaFamily]

I’m so glad you are finding my videos helpful! ☺️ Always appreciate good feedback!

[@fehhh2253]

Thank you so much with your video! I need this badly today as I got frustrated to teach my 3 yo girl how to ride a trolley tricycle. Maybe she is just not into it or not ready. I guess I have to let her be. Thanks again that your video makes me feel so much better.

[@svitlanafedorchenko1207]

Thank you very much!🙂 It was useful to hear

[@juliannemcintyre1152]

Thank you for this. And yes, some social media accounts are heavily focused on ability comparison.. it's relentless sometimes 🙇🏻‍♀️

[@jessicagaige7952]

Fantastic insights and grounding reminders, Ashley.

[@kojjoong3322]

Hi Ashley, what is your suggestion on getting them into a daily routine or Montessori habits and activities and how long should each sessions be

[@mz4420]

Great points. Cannot agree with you more!

[@sallybee3560]

Thank you so much for this encouraging video!

[@jasmineelliott9525]

I love when you say 'It's been a hot minute ' lol ♡

[@sarahrebeccatippling]

Would you be able to do a video on the play schemas and how that relates to Montessori? But only if that is something you're interested in :)

[@alishaberrey6603]

Also, how do you play with your children outside? It might sound odd but my parents never made me play outside.

[@emzz987]

Let them play themselves and sit back and enjoy nature :)

[@rrr441]

You can show them the plants, the Animals and insects, play in the sand, go to a playground, play with sticks and rocks, climb a hill, jump in puddles, look at the planes or clouds, sit on a blanket and eat a snack, comment on what you see... it doesn't take much to entertain a child :)

[@rrr441]

@@tracygarcia4078 these are great ideas!

[@mariaalejandragomezgiglian4886]

at what age do you think is appropiate for them to take a bath by themselves?

[@NataliaNewZealand]

I love the haircut! You look great!

[@reinabee]

Hi Ashley! Bit of a random question but do you mind sharing where your necklace is from? Thank you!

[@Mikaylaohara11]

I agree with other commenters, this is an extremely helpful video. We appreciate you ❤

[@swatipai168]

Shorter hair looks soo good on you. Very bouncy

[@braria9855]

I think my baby learned object permanence by dropping a toy next to his head while lying down, very early on. The object permanence box never truly captivated him (I started to try introducing around 5-6m) and he'd drop the ball inside and be like yeah now what. Ok I dropped it again, now what? Just give me the ball, it's nice and red :D I tried so much since everyone kept saying how their kids loved it for hours xD

[@Claire-wq9im]

Same! It's boring for my 1 year old too.. it's like she's saying, "is that it?" lol!

[@rosalindreloj7928]

Your HAIR looks awesome!!!!!!

[@alisonli392]

Hi Ashley, do you think personality or gender affect the result of montessori activities? My 20 months old boy is not interested in housework/dressing up himself at all, he just wants to play, even I tried to involve him from very early. I almost give up, too much efforts...

[@MariaandMontessori]

Not Ashley of course 😅 but having seen a lot of different kids in the Montessori class and having a brother who went to a Montessori school, I'd say it's very much just personality and interests. My brother and some other boys in the class loved to bake, peel carrots, set up for lunch, etc. Of course there were girls who enjoyed these too. There were also boys AND girls who preferred something like polishing, pouring, window washing, etc in practical life. And others who mainly gravitated to the OTHER areas of the class completely. It also comes in seasons. I used to get him from Elementary school when coming home from college and we'd spend the day baking. Now he's in high school and CAN use the kitchen but prefers not to 💁‍♀️ That season for him is over. At 20 months, the interest in play is appropriate. Play is their work at this point. And sometimes it could look like grabbing a swiffer and following us around for a few seconds or trying to put a sock on, but sometimes it will look like only pushing cars around. The invitation is there. And we are working on giving them the skills they'll need to get these tasks completed when it's developmentally appropriate to have them as an expectation. Getting a sock on may look like first putting it on up to the ankle for them and showing them how to pull it up from there. Or them putting clothes (or at least 1 piece of their clothing) in the hamper. It may be helping unload groceries, which at 20 months, is not really helping per se but hanging around the family as these tasks happen and maybe reaching into the bag to pull some of the items out. Maybe they actually do bring the bananas over to the counter. Or maybe they help us carry the paper towels one by one from the mud room into the bathroom. Or maybe, they're too enthralled in figuring out how to build the tallest possible tower with their blocks and that's all they see and hear and want to do all day long. At 20 months, that's absolutely appropriate regardless of personality or gender. Keep it low pressure-toddlers tend to get turned off from whatever activity has any sort of expectation, which we can place on a task subconsciously ourselves. My daughter has always been much more likely to run over and try to help when I'm tucked away in a corner trying to do a chore rather than if I make it a big deal with "hey I have a special task let's do this fun thing together come here to help me!" (Though sometimes that gets her interested too 💁‍♀️)

[@user-fc2xk3uv8y]

it shouldnt considering gender is social, a little girl could also not care about housework or dressing. keep encouraging, hes still super young no need to rush

[@analyticalchick3064]

I'm a nanny. I've had a few nannies in the nanny FB groups brag about teaching their nanny toddlers the alphabet. I can't help but wonder if those kids have learned the toilet yet or how their gross motor skills are....

[@mr3370]

Just thank you

[@tishcamporeale3291]

Thank you

[@maip2005]

Thank you, Ashley! I needed this grounding and also felt like it came from a girlfriend! ❤❤❤❤ appreciate you!

[@Huzna-pl5uh]

This is so helpful ❤

[@HapaFamily]

Yay! 👏 I’m happy to hear that!

[@BeatrixFrancia]

You're my mentor 😊😍

[@thumper6425]

💜💜💜

[@tayliaready9635]

Ashley! This video is wonderful, thank you for sharing. You’re always so down to earth and relatable which I feel is most needed at times in our parenting journey. 🫶