5 Shocking Financial Truths About The Wedding Industry

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In this episode, Chelsea reveals some uncomfortable financial truths about the wedding industry, from how much we spend to attend weddings to the waste caused by each individual wedding.
Script written by Bree Rody: / breeganism
Vendor markups: www.businessinsider.com/the-w...
• Wedding markups expose...
Cost of attending a wedding: www.thebalance.com/how-much-i...
www.businesswire.com/news/hom...
lifehacker.com/how-much-money...
Wedding insurance costs: www.forbes.com/advisor/insura...
Pandemic wedding losses: money.yahoo.com/1-in-9-couple...
Wedding waste: pubs.usgs.gov/gip/gemstones/e...
www.terrapass.com/blog/16-sim...
Little things add up: www.etsy.com/ca/market/will_y...
www.weddingstats.org/cost-of-...
www.theknot.com/content/avera...
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[@sarahg9632]

I did a 28 person wedding. Scaled back on everything except the honeymoon. 2 weeks in Hawaii you'll never forget over inviting that cousin you never talk to.... priceless

[@bbtdgfan890]

For my wedding I'm only inviting a third of my family and the theme is going to be burning bridges

[@Snowshowslow]

🤣🤣

[@maggierobertson2962]

I have a HUGE family. My parents have 6 and 9 siblings each. The greatest thing ever was when my cousins and I all collectively decided that weren't all inviting each other to our weddings. such a relief!

[@novalinnhe]

Lmfao what!!

[@phumie_]

This is an underrated comment 😂🤣

[@elisabethsargent]

I think I love you.

[@mktemple476]

At my wedding, the Best Man was a recovering alcoholic, so we had a dry wedding. Saved a LOT of money, and no one at the wedding minded - or at least they had the proper social skills to not say anything.

[@travis1240]

Yeah that's not a bad idea - If I were going that route, I'd have it early in the day so the drinks would be less expected. We had a "beer and wine only" plan which cut down the costs significantly. Nobody complained about that either.

[@alexh4935]

Seriously! All the cousins can go out drinking after the formal reception, and if it means that much to you, bring a flask. Dry weddings shouldn’t be stigmatized.

[@zooeyellis3864]

My parents did a brunch wedding so there was champagne but nothing else (in part due to cost and in part due to family members with drinking problems.) It definitely helps!!

[@carmabelle1717]

@@zooeyellis3864 ahhhh I want to do that!! I don't particularly need the dancing or a long production.

[@LP-vd3hn]

I think it totally depends on your group. My fiancé is sober and I have half a dozen or more sober people attending my wedding but we are still doing an open bar. None of them wanted us to not have something we wanted as we wanted to take care of the guests attending who do want to drink and that’s fine. If you want to have a dry wedding because of one person and you’re fine with that too then do you. As long as you’re happy on your day that’s all that matters but don’t change something for one person if that’s not what you want either.

[@ashleyaubergine2610]

I went to a wedding a few years ago where the mother of the bride begged us to take food home! The caterers even had to-go containers ready for us to pack with some of the best wedding food I've ever had. I was a happy camper that day.

[@iluvzurara2]

that's brilliant!!

[@DemureSpectabilis]

When that day comes, that’s what I plan on doing. I’m Nigerian, and that’s been the case at other Nigerian weddings I’ve attended. I can’t wrap my brain around tossing perfectly good food. Fresh food doesn’t expire at midnight.

[@betkavargova5900]

In the Czech republic, this is actually tradition - guests take left-over sweets home in little boxes. If we didn't give these boxes to our guests, our grandmothers would roll in their graves. In some weddings, people even take home the decorations! :)

[@Stellra52]

Wedding leftovers > open bar any day. 👍

[@Sophmorical]

Had a 15 person elopement with no bridal party, bridal shower, or bachelorette party. No regrets at all. My husband and I focused on providing a great weekend for our closest family members and friends and made it as stress-free as possible for everyone involved. 10/10 would recommend.

[@irinaivanovic9792]

This is exactly what I would prefer to do, if the day ever comes when I'll be planning on a wedding.

[@michaelab6070]

Thats our plan...unfortunately though, we're both the youngest of 4 and just close family and a few friends is 35 people, so it'll still add up. But it'll be fun nonetheless :)

[@jennalynn1593]

Getting married in 2 weeks and this is exactly what we are doing with a 13-person guest list.

[@pri.sci.lla.]

Sounds amazing! This is what I want to do

[@drebell26]

I did exactly the same thing except with 16 people :)

[@livinginredsoxnation]

Ooooof do NOT lie to your vendors!!! That actually voids a lot of contracts and the preparation is different (aka, a photographer for a “family reunion” won’t stay for 6-8 hours, they’ll know what’s going on).

[@alixwallingford]

Yes! I'm a wedding videographer. I bring 10x the amount of gear to a wedding than I do for an engagement video. A wedding takes about 10 hours out of a day for me including travel. Not to mention 10-15 hours on editing an entire wedding project for a couple. An engagement video is like 2 hours of shooting and a few hours of editing. Also, I only make 30-50% from a wedding unless I'm saving for gear to help me provide more to the couple, then, in that case, I pay myself less than 10% if I do at all. So yes, please do not lie to your wedding vendors.

[@JamieJosef]

I think SOME vendors can be lied to (such as those whose work takes place entirely separate from the wedding), but definitely not photographers! or anyone else whose work explicitly changes by circumstance

[@mlabelmedia]

I agree, shooting a wedding is so much more difficult than any other type of shoots I’ve ever done in my two decades of experience.

[@lytaylor1204]

I know some people who stay in a horrible marriage because of the sunk-cost fallacy: we spent so much money on the wedding and invited so many people, it's too embarrassing to break up, so we're just gonna stay together in a horrible marriage. 😒

[@ivylilybasket]

Or you can see a reverse case: the family members with the most expensive weddings are the ones to divorce the fastest...

[@maggierobertson2962]

OMG That's so depressing.

[@jclyntoledo]

@@ivylilybasket probably because they entered marriage with debt due to paying for an expensive wedding ...

[@alexanderfo3886]

This is so sad. It begs the question whether they did it for themselves or for prestige.

[@MisaMouri]

I'm not having any alcohol at my wedding. I don't drink and have a bad history with alcohol. My family has several people with addiction issues. It saves money and drama

[@Subeechali]

Same for our wedding. Half the guests were underaged family. A large handful are recovering alcoholics. Several more behave extremely inappropriately with alcohol. And a few of us don’t drink. No booze really saved everyone’s relationships instead of making for a less-fun time.

[@d2mfc]

Was just coming to see if anyone commented something like this. If the couple doesn't drink, why should they be expected to pay for an open bar? And usually I'm totally with Chelsea on her vids, but that comment was ehhh...

[@lindenwright2357]

@@d2mfc I think that's an entirely fair take on Chelsea's comment, but I do think she was referring exclusively to a cash-bar vs open bar situation, and not referring to a situation where the couple might not want any alcohol served at the wedding. There is a different vibe/message between "pay for your own drinks" and "alcoholic drinks will not be served at all."

[@matthewcheung7014]

@@lindenwright2357 I don’t remember if we had a cash bar, but if we did I think we figured if folks wanted to they could and it should moderate the amount. Our wedding was on a Sunday so folks were probably less inclined to get really plastered if they had work the next day.

[@SavannahSedai]

Same. My dad didn’t walk me down the aisle, I walked him down, he brought his own alcohol and couldn’t walk a straight line 🙄 no way we were providing more lol

[@emmaflynn420]

In the UK the tradition is that the bride pays for the bridesmaid’s dresses and it’s part of the wedding budget (as far as I know). I find it so weird to make people buy their own dress if the bride is picking it out!!

[@DemureSpectabilis]

I feel like that may have been the tradition here in the States, but it’s shifted over time. I wonder if part of the change is due to the fact that things have gotten so darn expensive that the bride/her family can no longer afford to cover the cost

[@TheEmmaHouli]

@@DemureSpectabilis that and American bridal parties tend to be huge

[@TheEmmaHouli]

What is your opinion on the cash/open bar? I tend to think it's a nice surprise when its open but I always expect it to be cash.

[@AirQuotes]

@@TheEmmaHouli I had both. We had unlimited wine and beer. And then put money behind the bar. Once that ran out it became a cash bar.

[@dragondiva3]

We bought the dresses and suits for our bridal party. We did suits not tuxedos and I think it was an excellent decision. Our wedding photos still look great and everyone got to keep what they wore.

[@melodycook4561]

Getting married in 6 weeks. Our caterer told us we have two options with the extra food, take it home or donate it. They're a no-waste place which I love!

[@pri.sci.lla.]

That’s amazing! Wish every place did that

[@silvasilvasilva]

Thaťs a very good policy

[@thatjillgirl]

I loved taking home all our leftovers. I was determined that food quality was the one part of the reception we definitely would not skimp on. Our leftovers were delicious and kept us fed for over a week after the reception.

[@ngaiosbrain]

"Get your boot off of grandma's neck" was not a sentence I thought I would ever hear

[@carla919]

Not a good thing to say at all!

[@supernova622]

Man i love Chelsea lol

[@asadb1990]

well so many grandmas are so well off it wouldn't hurt to get some swag from grandma

[@tinyprints5423]

My summary: Plan your wedding for you and your partner (and maybe your families, if that's how you both want to roll), not for Instagram.

[@ethanflannery2026]

#lifeadvice dont plan for instagram

[@ameliawasserman4640]

Just throwing it out there: some people really want to do these "expected things." When I got married, I told my bridesmaids to just get (or preferably rent) a dress that looks great on them, but then they got together and decided they did want to buy matching dresses as a group. Also, I had a friend who got married and was VERY clear about not wanting any gifts, but nearly 60% of guests brought them gifts because they really wanted to.

[@pibbles9]

One of my oldest friends had a destination wedding that would’ve cost my husband and I around $3,000 to attend. I felt bad but we couldn’t make it.

[@asadb1990]

don't feel bad unless they offered to give you tickets.

[@pri.sci.lla.]

Don’t feel bad, destination weddings are meant to weed people out.

[@asadb1990]

@@pri.sci.lla. well i know some wealthy people who pay to bring out people to the destination. often it can be cheaper to book a charter than everyone flying on their own.

[@TheEmmaHouli]

Don't feel bad. I didn't have a destination wedding so much as I don't live in my home country any more. My oldest friend and my brother couldn't make it either. It was fine I'm gonna have a drink with them when I'm home next. (Stupid pandemic) Any reasonable person understands that you can't make it when the cost is so high.

[@asadb1990]

@@TheEmmaHouli if you impose such expense it will look like you didn't want them to come. happens to many people. they ditch old friends and family because they themselves have upgraded.

[@f.-j.j.5738]

I had a fairy tale engagement and a 30k wedding. I went all out, open bar, dinner, bridesmaids, family traveled from all over, the whole thing. I also had a wedding planner so I was stress free and enjoyed it to the fullest. I don't regret a thing. I am usually the most reasonable when it comes to money. I budgeted for my wedding and could largely afford it. I also would like to mention: people you can say no. You can say no to being a bridesmaid, you can rsvp no. But when you say yes, knowing in advance what it entails, and complain about the cost after, then you lack class and maturity. Learn to say no.

[@novalinnhe]

This is a great comment, thanks for sharing your perspective. :)

[@michellechartrand405]

Yesss this!!! Not all weddings are overly expensive, only if you choose them to be. There are endless ways to make your wedding unique and in budget! This girl is truly just outdated.

[@ethanflannery2026]

"You can say no to being a bridesmaid" - this one especially is a lot easier said than done. At least 3 of my friends who tried to say no for different mainly financial reasons (financial hardship, out of town so expensive to travel back and forth for months, etc.) and the bride guilted them with "I didn't realize we weren't friends anymore" or "I can't believe you can't do this ONE THING [i.e. spend $100] for me" yada yada. And in two of the cases, completely destroyed the friendship. Saying no to being a bridesmaid can like saying no to a marriage proposal. Sure you can, but it could ruin the friendship.

[@f.-j.j.5738]

@@ethanflannery2026 That bride is questionable. My best friend said no. She couldn't afford it. Since I shared the cost when I asked each bridesmaid, she told me right no away, so it was easy to find a replacement. She came as a guest but stayed with me in the bridal suite with all the girls. We had a blast! Simple and honest communication will get you very far.

[@AskMiko]

The biggest observation I saw with some of my clients and friends is the bridal party being requested to pay for incremental stuff after saying yes. The projected expenses is one thing, but as planning evolves... $10 here , $25 there. The total price changes and throws the budget off. The second thing I notice is the couple doesn’t even stay in touch with the bridal party a few years later so instead of 12 bridesmaids, just have two.

[@random23287]

My favorite wedding advice comes from Jamie Wolfer here on KZbin and she has a lot of advice on how to save money and always says that you don't have to follow tradition. It's really cool.

[@Smr818]

Yas!!! I love that gal and the financial diet. I’m not even engaged yet but I’m ready lol

[@random23287]

@@Smr818 Same, lol. She's just entertaining and I like offering her advice to other people who might be worried about their wedding.

[@mastelsa]

Absolutely. When two of my friends got married they held a joint Bachelor/Bachelorette party because their friend groups were both very small and mostly overlapped to begin with, and almost everyone they'd want to hang with was already a member of the wedding party. Ignoring the tradition of separate parties of drunken debauchery and choosing a coed beach trip with all their shared friends turned the event into something unique to them, and it fit their situation and personalities far better than trying to conform to tradition.

[@random23287]

@@mastelsa Oh that sounds great!

[@umbrelladay]

Agree! Her videos were so helpful when I got engaged.

[@LouisaKorkieZA]

I've had a terrible experience as a bridesmaid. Had to pay for flights for the bachelorette and the wedding, gifts, the outfits, and she expected us to do all the DIY in the week before the wedding (I was also paying for accommodation). I honestly liked her a lot less as a person after this and now we no longer keep in touch.

[@carag3921]

Had a similar experience. It was the final nail in the coffin of our friendship.

[@n.m.8728]

my personal opinion is that the wedding couple needs to be able to have an honest conversation with everyone in their wedding party about what they can afford-and then the couple should budget based on the person who can afford the least + whatever the couple is willing to pitch in per person

[@LouisaKorkieZA]

@@n.m.8728 Couldn’t agree more, communicate your expectations and budget constraints from the beginning. It allows the wedding party to plan and budget accordingly.

[@maggierobertson2962]

My mother described being in tears one year when she was asked to be a bridesmaid for the 6th time in one year. She had no idea how she was going to afford that.

[@CordeliaWagner]

You can buy beautiful dresses second hand...

[@maggierobertson2962]

@@CordeliaWagner this was a bridesmaids dress and it was back in the 80's when all bridesmaids were expected to buy and wear the exact same dress chosen by the bride.

[@BramSam1031]

As a former wedding photographer (I now do elopements solely)… do NOT lie about your wedding being a wedding. This is horrible advice unless you want 1) a breach of contract 2) horrible coverage of your day. Wedding photographers charge what they do because weddings are a lot to cover. Most photographers help plan your entire timeline for the day & keep things on schedule. If they don’t know that it’s a wedding, don’t expect the day to go as planned or to get everything covered/captured that you wanted.

[@Nellabella94]

Encouraging people to lie ia gross, horrible advice indeed. As a planner this advice isn't very good at all.

[@feylights166]

Thank you for touching on the environmental impact of weddings--and jewellery.

[@mastelsa]

I'm curious whether there's a substantial difference between the average cost of a wedding and the median cost of a wedding. Weddings seem like the sort of thing were the average could be distorted by a relatively small percentage of absolutely extravagantly expensive events, with more people spending substantially less than the mean cost.

[@supernova622]

I had the same thought. Show me a distribution curve lol

[@random23287]

For sure

[@claire9060]

It's definitely skewed it's also taken just from users of the knot and that's also going to make it more expensive because they're only polling the sorts of people who join fancy wedding planning services

[@klaramuster2006]

I just did some quick google searching- most recent I can find median and average is 2016. So, in 2016 the average cost in the US for a wedding according to the Knot is $35,329 and the median cost in the US for a wedding according to wedding.report was $14,399.

[@emilymacfarland1945]

Chelsea, if you believe the average American spends that much on a wedding, you don't know many average Americans. The Knot uses their unscientific study to make everyone think they need to spend more. I know quite a few couples who were married at courthouses or in public parks.

[@katerinaschenke819]

I might seem like a grouch but I was in one wedding and then never spoke to the bride again after. I spent over 1K with flight, dress, present, hotel, etc. I honestly wish I had just written the couple a check for that amount.

[@olagerta8199]

What's happend that you naver talk to bride again?

[@katerinaschenke819]

@@olagerta8199 Really complicated situation with the ex.

[@kylemcvey8895]

When my husband and I got engaged, the wedding planning bs came the day we announced our engagement. Luckily we thought about the reaction before we officially announced our engagement and set the tone in our mindsthat the wedding was for the two of us and no one else (they’re just invited). We were also able to dodge a lot of bullets because neither of us were a bride and I find a bride to be the usual target for the money grabbers.

[@pri.sci.lla.]

That’s so true...

[@iluvzurara2]

yes that is veryyyy true we are usually the target. now there's even like bride to be subscription boxes its out of control!

[@DemureSpectabilis]

Valid point, Kyle. They expect/encourage us to all want something princessy and lavish; meanwhile, engaged couples come in all forms, including couples without brides and brides with no desire for excess.

[@mariaardila3563]

We had a pandemic backyard/zoom wedding last year and it was perfect. It was super chill, we had great food, used branches and our own garden plants/flower for decoration and got cake from a local bakery. Originally we planned on having a reception once the pandemic was over but we ultimately decided not to. A lot of our friends who have gotten married in the last year have done the same and it’s honestly been pretty great for everyone. I hope this tiny wedding trend is here to stay :)

[@ariellalevine289]

Before i decided against a bridal party, i was absolutely going to pay for the dresses and hair/make up. It’s wild what we expect people to pay to “honor” then by choosing them to be in a bridal party

[@pri.sci.lla.]

That’s so nice of you, I’m going to be a bridesmaid and I’ve already spend like $300 and the wedding isn’t even here yet!

[@TheEmzies]

I'm pretty sure this is an American thing. I've never known members of the bridal party to have to pay for their dresses.

[@dementiasuccesspath2239]

I went middle of the road, I offered a stipend for their dresses because the dresses I wanted for them was like $300 and that is a crazy expectation for them so my family and I are paying half. I also wanted all of my girls to have the option for hair and makeup but again that is $175 which is a lot so I am personally paying $80 towards their hair and makeup to make it a little more reasonable though I told everyone hair and make up was optional. My rule of thumb, if you're asking your bridesmaids for specific expensive things, help pay for it. If not, probably have a small bridal party or no bridal party

[@SylviaRR]

Adults make their own choices, they can choose to buy a gift or not, attend or not. Encouraging people to lie to vendors is immature. Maybe these people shouldn't be getting married.

[@ethanflannery2026]

"Adults make their own choices, they can choose to buy a gift or not, attend or not." - the number of decades-long friendships after that have been ruined after someone saying no to attending or not giving an expensive enough gift purely due to financial reasons shows that the reality isn't as easy as your comment suggests.

[@SylviaRR]

@@ethanflannery2026 Then they really weren't friends. So you think lying to people is the answer.

[@thatgirl_Devi]

@@ethanflannery2026 actually her comment IS REALITY. I think you need to check yourself. Lying to vendors just to be cheap is embarrassing and sad. Those people can just get married at the court.

[@LoraCoggins]

The caterer should not have joked about giving the uneaten food to a homeless shelter before straight-up admitting they throw it out. That just makes them come off as rude.

[@thatgirl_Devi]

Chelsea came out rude this entire video and made that caterer look like a saint.

[@jclyntoledo]

@@thatgirl_Devi how?! I would also be crushed if someone said they were donating the leftovers to a homeless shelter and then said nope jk it's all going to the trash :/

[@voltaireon]

One of my friends was supposed to get married in April 2020. Literally everything got cancelled, but they did have insurance and they got 95% of their wedding money back. Ended up eloping in the mountains with a photographer and their grandparents, and used the money from the insurance payout for a home down payment. Win win win!

[@sneezeyeller]

I was going to make my cake...I had cupcakes for guests. I'm pretty reasonable and figured we could cut a cupcakes or get a regular cake from the supermarket. My husband decided he would go get a cake and went to the most expensive place in town the day before our wedding. He just ordered cake without telling the guy what it was for. Total bill- fondant, decorations added and icing flowers...$35. When the guy realized it was for a wedding he turned the pricing card over and it would have started at $200. Tip: get the groom to buy a "birthday cake".

[@azulpargal]

What? That's very cynical 😮 I mean I would have thought the overprice was because of the level of details not because of the type of event

[@sneezeyeller]

That's what the person working there said. Apparently, because it was in our pictures it was worth more. I didn't care...I wouldn't paid that much and bought a store bought cake. My husband went back every year on our anniversary for a few years and got the same cake made for me, and it was still only 40-ish dollars with tax.

[@Ivideosify]

@@sneezeyeller so you only payed $35, right?

[@sneezeyeller]

@@Ivideosify Yep...for our anniversary the price went up a tiny bit from year to year, bit still around the same amount.

[@Ivideosify]

@@sneezeyeller cool 😎

[@claretravels783]

Yes! The pressure to spend more than you can afford feels so unfair. I have a somewhat fractured relationship now with someone who used to be a best friend, because I declined a £600 hen party *week* (a bachelorette) in Disneyland Paris - which by the way was one of *two* hen parties, for a wedding no one in the "bridal party" was attending anyway because it was in Disneyland Florida (we're in the UK)! 🙄 and all of that when I was still in university living on my student loan and 8-hr a week job 🥴 After all that debacle, the idea of eloping with a cute white summer dress on, taking a video of ourselves cutting into a vegan cake that all the guests would have complained about anyway, and just sending it as an email to everyone we know is *sooo* appealing to me and my budget, haha!

[@mortviolette284]

MortViolette Wow, hang on a minute! Chelsea, some of this is terrible advice! I get your annoyance over things with the label “wedding” costing more, but there are often concrete and specific reasons for this. That’s not to say you always need the wedding version, but sometimes you do. I would suggest finding out pricing for the non-wedding version of something, then the wedding version and then asking the vendor for the reason for the price difference. DO NOT lie to a vendor about the nature of your event. Your photographer/videographer/DJ/caterer/etc. will arrive and won’t be prepared for the type of event. You risk them bringing the incorrect/insufficient equipment. They also need to be mentally prepared for your likely very exhausting event. They will be angry and rightfully so. Do you really want that on your wedding day? It’s also downright shitty to do that to a person. I’m not saying no one marks things up for weddings just for the hell of it, but that’s usually not the case. You might be able to get away with saying a cake is for a birthday rather than a wedding, but I’d suggest you at least tell the baker what kind of environment the cake will be in (out in 90 degree heat for 8 hours) - it makes a difference. I’d only do this if your having someone pick up the cake rather than having it delivered.

[@sabrinazzz3257]

She probably suggested we do this for people making things for the wedding, like the cake, centerpieces, renting chairs and cutlery or other equipment, floral arrangements etc. For these things, it doesn’t matter if the people involved think it’s a 50 person anniversary party or a 50 person wedding. For services that have to be performed on site by the person themselves, like a photographer or DJ, you obviously have to tell them what they’re gonna be doing so that they are prepared (and I can understand that the job for a wedding might be a bit harder and pay more for a photographer for instance)

[@iluvzurara2]

@@sabrinazzz3257 not necessarily. all vendors even rentals and florals have to be experienced in weddings. it's a whole genre of events for a reason. im sure it wont matter if the event is super small i guess but typically-speaking it is a larger event and the person doing your florals should also be experienced in doing weddings.

[@sabrinazzz3257]

@@iluvzurara2 I don’t get why though, if you go and pick up your flowers at the florist the day of, what does it matter if they’re for a wedding or not you still get the same flowers. And what does it matter to them if they’re used for a wedding or another kind of party, like a christening or something ?

[@rebeccawilliams5337]

Even with things like cakes though, the person giving the service knows that there are expectations with a wedding and will put extra TLC and maybe better/more expensive/harder to find ingredients so that you have a very special thing for your wedding. Flowers it's the same, they'll put more into it because they know about the expectations for a wedding. Also people still get pissed off if services rendered aren't up to expectations for a wedding, even if they lied and said it was a party, the negative review impacts business.

[@silvasilvasilva]

@@rebeccawilliams5337 I don't know, you usually get the flowers you paid for - orchids, Colombian roses, whatever. They have a catalogue, you pick the design you like and they make it. The difference I see is that the designs people choose for weddings are much fancier and thus more expensive, but the flowers and the material involved are certainly the same. Vendors justify the mark-up with the Bridezilla argument (expectations are much higher when it comes to weddings - which is code for "I have to put up with your craziness, so you're gonna pay for it"). When you don't say it's a wedding, you don't get to be Bridezilla, which can only be a good thing for everyone involved.

[@cara1michele]

I think in many places lying about the type of event you’re holding to vendors is illegal 😬

[@arbella89]

Yes, as a florist, if someone lied and I showed up and found out it was a wedding, the contract would be null and void.

[@sasamafrass]

@@arbella89 Just wondering why if they are getting the same flowers and arrangements they asked for when you thought it was a retirement party or anniversary party or whatever.

[@begemotowa]

@@arbella89 joining the question of @sassamafrass.

[@sofiasara98]

I don't know if it's technically illegal, but plenty of vendors will leave because it's a breach of contract

[@luxmuse5973]

yeah this woman speaks about being tacky and not being tacky! SHE SCREAMS TACKY Lol by lying to vendors. trash

[@pinksocks115]

My parents spent over 6 figures on my wedding (600+ guests). There's a saying that "whoever pays has the say" - 90% of the guests were their guests haha. Maybe it looked like a dream fairytale wedding to others, but it was an insanely stressful experience. I almost felt like I was the hired actress for the "wedding event" haha. But my parents were happy and the guests were also very happy. I don't think we should shame or criticize people for having these wedding extravaganzas, as often times there are a lot of family & cultural expectations at play. We also tried our best to offset our carbon footprint by making donations, using wedding favors that support charities, and also encouraging guests to take home the flowers/food/wine. The one good thing about the pandemic is that there's a social and cultural shift towards smaller weddings. At the end of the day, the marriage is the most important :)

[@Bravokaylyn]

How do they know 600+ people. And what event center accommodates that (not judging just honestly so curious)

[@aliciafischer8644]

I tried so hard to be economical in every aspect of my wedding. I bought a former "show" dress off the rack, I crafted my own center pieces, we used "wood cookies" from a tree that had been cut down as part of the centerpieces. Bought one type of "thank you" card to send out after every event, and our venue took pride in that they used local farmers and in-season ingredients in their menu options.

[@sarahahmed7543]

I always knew I only wanted a small, micro wedding but this just confirmed it. Love the transparency!

[@mkg2124]

11:31 I know you think this was funny but it was honestly just trashy and sad. People don't have to cater to their alcoholic guests in order to have a nice wedding. Open bars are super expensive.

[@melissam4954]

100%! One of our first big decisions for the wedding was NO open bar because it would have literally doubled our budget. IMO, unlimited open bar situations lead to sloppy, dramatic drunks making a mess of the place and there is nothing I want less at my wedding.

[@LP-vd3hn]

Having an open bar doesn’t equal alcoholic guests first off. If you don’t want to spend the money or don’t have it that’s totally fine. I’m having one because I view it as taking care of the guests so they can come eat drink and enjoy themselves. If you don’t want one that’s fine but bit of an over reaction

[@mkg2124]

@@melissam4954 I agree.

[@ZForce5496]

I think if you are not having an open bar, then don’t have alcohol. Three of my friends had dry weddings (well, one offered a champagne toast) and nobody suffered. Some bartenders will do fun “mocktails”

[@kittenswithbows]

Nah, few things are as tacky as inviting people to a wedding and then making them pay for drinks. If you've cut every corner, asked for no gifts and meant it, and didn't specify a dress code, then I guess it's fine because everything is super low budget. But if you specify a dress code which means guests may need to buy new clothes because they don't have something that fits the bill, and especially if you expect gifts, then a cash bar is just ick.

[@3rdgrace]

I definitely tried the "don't say wedding" route with vendors, but it was an utter fail. A woman in their 20s contacting a restaurant for catering? Gosh...I wonder what for...the vendors know.

[@supernova622]

I worked for a chain grocery store that does wedding cakes, and regularly got in trouble for trying to help brides on a budget come up with cake ideas that looked like wedding cakes but weren't "wedding cakes"

[@somethingcooliguess]

@@supernova622 What distinguishes a wedding cake from a non-wedding cake? Other than size?

[@staceyk2274]

@@somethingcooliguess The standards and expectations are higher. Also, wedding cakes typically sit out for many hours, sometimes even outside in the heat. Different ingredients or even structural components can be needed to allow for the extra environmental stress on the cake. Otherwise it may fall over or melt into a terrible mess. I've seen some ugly things, lol.

[@somethingcooliguess]

@@staceyk2274 Ah I see, that makes sense. I guess it depends on if your wedding timeline is stretched out with the MCing and all the dances vs. if you have a pretty quick cake and punch reception. Thanks for the explanation. :)

[@klaramuster2006]

So, my experience, my fiancé and I truly don't want a traditional wedding. We are eloping out of state with our parents and that's it. Then we are coming home and planning on having an intimate dinner to celebrate our marriage with our closest friends and family. Our guest list has 34 people tops. (and they're paying for their own alcohol if they want it). We are not having a dj, photographer, dances, speeches, or anything like a normal reception. The closest thing we're having is a cake, and that's because my mom used to be a baker and really wanted to make us a wedding cake. We went to a wedding venue and told them this- they said okay $3000 just for the room and then you will need to still pay $2000 for the food. Then the drinks we're paying for as well as tipping everyone working, so an extra $1,000. We told them our budget was $1,800 with tax and tip in an email as we are just doing dinner, completely wasted their time and our time by going. Mind you, we were looking at restaurants, not wedding venues. They wanted to push the envelope with it, I understood their reasonings, but it didn't make sense for us.

[@marisasotoh9432]

It is soooo true, all events, but specially weddings are SUPER WASTEFUL. When I was studying Event Management in Canada our teacher told us that she had worked in a million dollar wedding in which 100,000 dollars were spent only in flowers, my teacher didn't want to throw them away at the end (as the bride suggested) and instead she decided to donate all the flowers to local hospitals, churches, retirement homes, etc. At least she made the effort of re using all of those flowers! Always think twice before using decor pieces that are only going to be used for a couple of hours, think of their "after event life", that way you can save some money and reduce the waste!

[@SomeRPGFan]

Weddings in the US are crazy. What the hell is a bridal shower or a rehearsal dinner? I have never seen that here in Europe. Nor have I ever seen groomsmen, matching dresses for bridesmaids (if there even were any), "wedding colors", or a theme.

[@natureallmighty]

It's really crazy over there! All the showers, bachelor and bachelorette party, rehearsal whatevers and why the hell do you need 8 people walking behind you on the aisle!?

[@astrea79]

Most of these US traditions are really old and relics of a bygone era. But things like showers are nice because its supposed to be your community showing their support to a couple getting married, and honestly after over a year of quarantine I kind of miss that. But I also find bridal showers awkward. 🤷‍♀️

[@silvasilvasilva]

Showers are a thing in Brazil, but it's only genuine when it's family or friends organizing it for you. If you do your own shower, it does sound like you just want one more "occasion" surrounding your wedding.

[@abbyhenderson9574]

What are weddings in Europe like then? I guess I've just been brainwashed by American culture to think that everyone has a huge expensive wedding.

[@MewMewPumpkinPie]

To be fair, I've been to a lot of weddings in Germany that had coordinated "wedding colors", which I honestly don't think is that crazy.

[@anne12876]

In my city, there is an organization who collect untouched food from weddings and events and distribute it at homeless shelters.

[@nexusSix_237]

That's wonderful! What city?

[@anne12876]

@@nexusSix_237 Montreal, Canada. The organization is named La Tablée des chefs. www.tableedeschefs.org/en/ Last year in April, they asked chefs who were forced to close their restaurant to call back their cooks, to open their kitchen and to prepare meals for different food banks with supermarkets and food distributors surplus. 70 kitchens said yes and they prepared and distributed more than 2 millions meals for persons in need.

[@jillianharvey]

YES! Thank you. The social and financial pressures of attending a wedding is insane these days. I had a friend who got married a couple years ago who demanded a $200 cash gift/person ($400 for a couple) and the wedding was out of town (so a vacation day to travel on a Friday, travel costs, hotel for two nights, and food etc) plus the bachelorette part and the shower. I estimated it would have cost upwards of $1500 to attend for my partner and I. Given that I was doing my masters at the time, it wasn't in the budget to attend. If I have a wedding in the future, I plan to keep it small, low-key, and be conscious of cost including costs for guests. Also, your friend who provided the stipend to her bridesmaids is amazing!!

[@pri.sci.lla.]

I would’ve dropped that friend as soon as she demanded anything. Sounds like a total diva

[@sydsyd655]

Who demands a cash gift at their wedding? That's so savage.

[@dementiasuccesspath2239]

See, I thought all of that too before I got engaged but the thing is, everything is 10X more expensive for the people throwing the wedding and at the end of the day, it is a personal choice of if you're going to attend or not. I didn't have any expectations of my bridal party saying yes, or coming to my bachelorette party. When you say yes to being in a bridal party, expect to spend some $ man. ( not an insane amount, just an amount)

[@LP-vd3hn]

If you have to fly to my wedding that’s my gift. If you are local different story but I still wouldn’t demand a min dollar value or a gift at all.

[@shalryma]

In the country where I am from, it's not uncommon for wedding guests to receive boxes with leftover desserts for later as they are leaving the party. It's a nice gesture and it hopefully reduces waste a bit.

[@martibenson9742]

We had a dry wedding. Sunday afternoon. Cost $3000 for everything.

[@MultiEquations]

As a former second shooter/photo assistant, I would say lying to your photographer or videographer about the nature of your event will most certainly backfire and could lead to massive problems. It could even lead to your photographer leaving the event and not issuing you a refund. If the photographer has in their contract that they will not shoot if the nature of the job differed from what was agreed upon. Photographing for a wedding is an entirely different beast from let's say a formal party such as someone's sweet 16. For a sweet 16, you might not have a second shooter but for a wedding, you almost always should get one, if your budget affords it. At a sweet 16, the ceremonial aspect is very small. The parents might give a speech, a few relatives give a toast and there might be an announcement introducing the birthday person to the guests. On the other hand, at a wedding, there are the first look photos, the actual ceremony, family photos, closeups of the ring and dress. Essentially, a lot more work. Also, you would need to bring far more equipment to a wedding. Oftentimes, they take place in multiple locations and not just at a dance/banquet hall with consistent lighting (nature is beautiful but can be a pain to light sometimes). Finally, people have different expectations for these events in comparison to a wedding. Aunt Sally might be a little annoyed that the photographer at your sweet 16 captured a shot that was unflattering but she will be far more unhappy if the official family photos for the wedding featured her in some unflattering angles. The same logic applies to people like DJs, florists and caterers. People are often a whole lot pickier about the flowers they want for a wedding rather than a graduation party. For instance, if you insist on orange peonies because that was your maternal grandmother's favorite flower but they are out of season and require a lot of care (I don't know if that is true but it is plausible), they will charge you an appropriate fee. If it's a graduation party, you're probably more flexible with flowers and are fine with any flower that is orange and affordable. The only scenarios I would lie to the vendor would be in situations in which you have low priority for. Things like invitations, transportation and favors. Your gold-embossed wedding invitations should cost the same as invitations for a graduation party since they took a comparable amount of effort and material.

[@AskMiko]

She was referring to the venue in getting quotes... not the other nuances of booking activities and reservations for the wedding itself. Besides, photographers offer packages and if someone doesn’t reveal it’s a wedding but wants a wedding package, it’s a red flag. A standard photography session for a party wouldn’t necessarily include the same sets of photos, etc. For example, someone going to David’s Bridal to buy a wedding dress for prom... they don’t care. The photographer selling a wedding package for a graduation dinner... what?

[@taliaeve969]

@@AskMiko then your not really getting an accurate quote then are you....

[@BeautyObsessive]

If they don’t want those additional services then what’s the issue? Personally those staged photos make me sick. I don’t want a single one just candids. I absolutely refuse to pay the ridiculous overpriced fees of wedding photography only to look as plastic and forced as the couple atop the cake. Anyway calm down she was referring to venues and such.

[@BeccasaurousRex270]

That sounds like some rich people shit….

[@Sevenseasick]

Literally the only pictures needed at a wedding are the family pictures. First look is something that only came in in the last few years and who wants to be photographed during the ceremony only meal?

[@NephthysDeRiourt]

We just eloped and it was so special, intimate(only us and our photographer) and we saved a lot of money!

[@TheDanaYiShow]

"they're also really f**king expensive" love it!

[@melissaandreag]

I have a friend who had a reception dinner at a restaurant. She did NOT mention it was a wedding dinner to the restaurant and that kept her costs so much lower!

[@salamanda11]

I plan to do the same!!

[@becci8099]

Sneaky, smart!

[@melissaandreag]

@@becci8099 Very sneaky and smart! Lol. It’s a crime how they upcharge for weddings. She wasn’t wearing a full-on wedding gown either; just a sleek, white, knee-length cocktail dress.

[@becci8099]

@@melissaandreag Sounds like the Perfect wedding to me 😜 I planned on pulling similar stunts 😜 Good to hear it has worked for someone ☺️

[@michellechartrand405]

Lol, planning your wedding reception at a local restaurant is COMPLETELY different than planning an all day wedding event at a private venue. Of course the cost would be lower 🤣 I’m sure if she told the restaurant it was her wedding day, they wouldn’t have changed extra seeing as it was just a plain dinner party lol

[@larag1764]

We had seven people at our wedding, I wore a dress I already owned (after finding nothing suitable in stores), we told people after the event, had two separate dinners afterwards in our home towns and no gifts. Then a late honeymoon overseas. Into our 11th year of marriage. I don't regret a thing 🥰

[@heidiheidi0]

I agree with the sentiment but....it comes off as a bit head above the clouds. Its a privilege to say no gifts even if the wedding is not that expensive. Personally, as a new couple starting out, I can use the gifts, even if it is just money or something that is not on the registry but that you can use. It is also very hard to convince people who do weddings for a living that a cake you are ordering or an event you are having is not a wedding... Weddings are tough and those people deserve to get paid.

[@ethanflannery2026]

Sure it's a privilege to say no gifts, but it's also a privilege to expect friends and families to give you gifts to fund the start of your marriage. And, as this video is getting at, don't have a big, expensive wedding if that money could be put to better uses (like those gifts).

[@khorwath91]

Having a 30 person out of state wedding (just parents, siblings, niece/nephews), bought a used wedding dress, got a moissanite ring (instead of diamond) , and my bridal party only consists of flower girls (our nieces). All of our friends and extended family members have been super supportive with our decision.

[@Miksei]

When someone asks what my rings center stone is, I smile and proudly say, "Fake sapphire!" It's the perfect shade of blue and it saved me a lot of money. I wouldn't change a thing about it.

[@khorwath91]

@@Miksei omg yesss!! That is awesome! I proudly do the same because honestly, I know so many people that want a similar style or stone size , but don't believe they have the budget for it, assuming it's a diamond. It feels so good to know some of my friends have been able to get the exact ring they wanted without killing their/their partners savings accounts.

[@Knicole927]

My engagement ring is diamond, but my wedding band is a half anniversary band with moissanite and I honestly wish they were both moissanite. I’ve had them almost 6 years and they’ve held up the same.

[@khorwath91]

@@Knicole927 that is awesome! My friend got her wedding band in moissanite but has a diamond for her engagement. By no means am I bashing anyone with a diamond. I just like how there are so many more options now!

[@flashspotlight]

Pay vendors what they ask for. Weddings are absolutely positively our most difficult and strenuous bookings. Respectfully, reduce your wedding size if you cannot afford to cover a 100 guest formal party.

[@kablaaamo]

Yeah, TONS of people gave me the 'don't say it's a wedding' advice and I think that's kind of trash. A old colleague of mine has a side business doing wedding photography and she says #1 - vendors aren't stupid, they know you're lying and #2 - people have HIGH expectations for weddings, and vendors want to do their best to meet them. It's a higher stress level working to provide ~your special day~ vs. like....I dunno, a more casual graduation party or something. We found little things here and there knocked off the bill for when we were straight up with our vendors, respect goes both ways.

[@pri.sci.lla.]

People can negotiate if they’d like, too many people take advantage of people getting married only because they’re getting married.

[@TreasureH720]

Agreed! As a florist it’s super frustrating when people show me pictures from Pinterest that cost thousands of dollars but they have a floral budget of the dollar store. Popular wedding flowers are already more expensive to start with but most consumers don’t understand this. The video says 28% of vendors have wedding markups. That sounds like minority to me but people treating it like all wedding vendors are trying to take advantage of them.

[@pri.sci.lla.]

@@kablaaamo vendors should try to meet any needs, wedding or not. If you have to charge a premium for doing nothing different, it’s just a money grab and has nothing to do with them wanting to do their best.

[@pri.sci.lla.]

@@TreasureH720 not all but enough, blame it on those who took advantage of people and ruined it.

[@acw2022]

LOVE that you mentioned the diamond ring! I specifically asked for a ring that was not made with real diamond and my fiance delivered with the most amazing, beautiful, and cost effective simulated diamond ring! I always get so many compliments on it (it's 2.5 karats but only was $500), and I am truly obsessed with it.

[@raquels.]

Same!!! Mine was also made in a lab and cost about the same. I cannot believe how much people spend on engagement rings!!!

[@handylady8015]

I don’t think my husband and I spent more than $75 on our wedding. We got married in a wedding chapel. Had our reception at our apartment. I wore a dress I had. We did buy a wedding cake. We’ve been married 42 years. Money spent on a wedding does not guarantee a happy marriage.

[@taliaeve969]

I think lying to your vendors is a terrible idea and bad business practice. Weddings take ALOT more work on the back end no body sees. That’s terrible advice and pretty sure it’s illegal to lie in some states about what kind of event your hiring a vendor for. Just saying.

[@thatgirl_Devi]

I hope it DOES become illegal. If a person can't afford that vendor then they need to find someone cheaper 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@nataliekmaguire]

Yeah, I'm planning my wedding for the second time (thanks Covid) and despite having this advice in mind from the very beginning, the idea of pretended what is so clearly a wedding ISN'T a wedding just to get a cheaper deal feels really awkward to me. "Hi, Wedding Venue? I'm planning...uh, an event for 100 guests in 18 months time. Can you give me a quote for a generic 12-hour event?" There are plenty of ways to minimise wedding costs (smaller guest lists, non-traditional wedding venues, not going overboard on the catering or decor), but lying to vendors upfront isn't the way to do it.

[@thatgirl_Devi]

@@nataliekmaguire I'm on the same boat as you! I'm currently planning my second wedding because of Covid-19. You are 100% like that's so messed up

[@begemotowa]

What are exat difference on preparing food and flowers for anniversary and wedding of the same size?

[@thatgirl_Devi]

@@begemotowa a HUGE difference! An anniversary event is just a dinner. A wedding has a structure: ceremony, cocktail, reception, toast, cake cutting. Of course, every wedding is different but there's your answer.

[@Courtney6]

I said no gifts and I even made our wedding cake and said it was for them from me 😄 I was really happy people would come spend the day with us and wanted to show them kindness and appreciation rather than expect stuff from them.

[@iolan3]

If you want a small wedding that's awesome but I want to stand up for big weddings. We had 160 people and the best time for £10,000. It was a lot of money for us but my entire crazy huge family got to be there and it turned out to be the last time we saw many friends and family before the pandemic. We shopped around and snagged some deals here and there, did a lot by ourselves, chose cheaper options, skipped some more expensive traditions, pulled in some favours and overall it wasn't stressful to organise. You *can* have a big party and not screw over your entire family and friend group and the environment to boot. Chelsea's great tips apply to big weddings too! My best tip is to shop around and hire/borrow or buy secondhand as there are lots of preloved wedding items floating around the internet for crazy cheap.

[@stephaniem2743]

On this topic, Jamie Wolfer would be a great guest for Financial Confessions!

[@novalinnhe]

YES!! Completely agree! :) :)

[@thesimmer2612]

She just did a reaction video to this and it was gold!

[@loewenmakrele]

@@thesimmer2612 I hated her reaction Video. It was very centered on herself. Like "I never said" it's your special day"". Or I only work with small businesses, and they are totally not after your money they are super friendly. Thats really nice for her, but she kind of misses the bigger picture. Sure a wedding cake costs more than a birthday cake, because its more effort/marterial, but is it really 10 Times as much? There is a pressure to have a picture perfect wedding, and every wedding planner should know that (like the mother of the bride beeing Set on bringing all of her friends and having doves, because she had doves in 1982). She says that, she only gives the brides what they want, but brides especially those who seek out a wedding planner don't know how much stuff there is out there. If I gave you a list with every wedding extra ever done, you would pick a few Extras (a special wedding drink, and Rose petals down the Isle) that you never thought about.

[@KateHistoryMysteries]

The cash bar is such a cultural difference.

[@deathburrito23]

This is coming just as my buddy announced he's engaged. Perfect timing!

[@NoraTKD]

Sassy Chelsea is on fire! Great video, thank you for the tips. I went to a wedding and the catering company had containers ready for the extra food at the end of the party, even the leftover cake. It was great to eat the same food the next day and remember the wedding.

[@gdjwarren2]

I had to pause on the matter of gift etiquette. I thought it was almost understood that if I were travelling thousands of miles from the Caribbean to attend an event, bringing a gift is not my priority. It is immediately dropped off my list.

[@thatjillgirl]

I'm always shocked by the people who think that they are somehow OWED gifts at all. Gifts are just that--gifts! They are given freely, not owed. People do not have to give you a present just because you're getting married, and if they choose to do so, it's just a nice thing they did because they care about you, and you should be grateful to them, understanding that they could have chosen to just not bother. I certainly didn't get a gift from every one of my wedding guests, and I did not care. I was just happy that they came.

[@hannahaudreyyy]

Normally I enjoy TFD but the I really did NOT enjoy the undertone of this video. I have been to a LOT of weddings and not a SINGLE couple was trying to “shake down their friends and family for all their worth” nor did they have their “boots on grandmas neck” which I feel is a horrible thing to say. And to say “WE didn’t ask for gifts because WE have CLASS” is really a rude privileged thing to say. Not every couple was brought up in a privileged household or married into a privileged family. So they didn’t grow up having EVERYTHING they could have EVER needed. I’m not saying chelsea was but there are a lot of families that WANT to contribute to the marriage in SOME way. Especially if the couple is usually paying for their own wedding these days. And ever wedding I went to, the couple only made one because friends and family asked for it. Also I have not met a single person who spent 33 THOUSAND on a wedding. I’m very curious of where this math comes from. The most expensive wedding I’ve been to was I think 17k? And I wouldn’t recommend you lie to your vendors. For 1 if they show up and it’s a wedding and not a “reunion” that someone may claim it is or a “family party” then legally you have breached your contract and they can walk off the job. Then you will have no caterer/Dj for the wedding and you will have lost that check. 2 it creates a bad relationship with your vendor and then sets a negative tone for your wedding. 3. wedding things cost more because it’s MORE WORK. If you don’t tell your photographer it’s a wedding they will show up SO under prepared. They would ideally like to know ahead of time what shots you want taken with the family, which is INCREDIBLY important when a loved one passes away. They also will want to have more memory cards on hand if they know it’s a wedding. Plus sometimes they would want to have a second shooter so you can capture TWICE as many special moments with loved ones. If you hire a DJ and don’t tell them it’s a wedding, they might not have a set list of wedding appropriate music. Plus your DJ is a HUGE help on your wedding day. They keep your party alive and fun, sometimes they have a certain “script” to go over for whatever occasion they are working, so it’s nice to not have them show up and feel rattled. Plus a lot of times they are the MC getting guests from one activity to the other. You want them to know your walking down the aisle music, your first dance, etc. The only place where maybe you can withhold info is MAYBE getting wedding desserts, but even then I’m assuming it’s good for them to know that the cakes/cupcakes are going to be sitting out in potentially hot weather for 6+ hours. So your dessert frostings are sliding off the cake. Whereas, had you told them they may use a different frosting that can stand up to hours of sitting out. And it is so shocking to me that this whole video was so dedicated to shaming people. DONT SPEND MONEY ON WEDDINGS BECAUSE THEY OVERCHARGE AND WEDDINGS ARE SO EXPENSIVE NO ONE CAN AFFORD IT. And yet on the other hand, DONT HAVE A WEDDING UNLESS YOU HAVE AN OPEN BAR BECAUSE THAT MEANS YOURE TRASHY AND WILL LIKELY CAUAE DIVORCE BECAUASE OBVIOUSLY YOU HOLD YOUR PURSE TOO TIGHT. Come on man, PICK ONE. You can’t say both. Do guests love an open bar? SURE! Have I ever been to a wedding that had one? NO! Did I care? NO! I’m there because I love the couple with all my heart and I’m there to support their decision to commit to each other in a beautiful ceremony, big or small. Plus it’s good to keep note that not having an open bar is a gentle block from some guests getting out of control. And also open bars tend to be HORRIBLE for bartenders as guests frequently forget to tip. ESPECIALLY when they’re drunk off free booze. Also is WILDLY more affordable to have a cash bar. Which has been the whole theme ATTEMPT in this video is it not? Listen, if my friends are throwing a big ol’ party, paying a thousands of dollars for food, music, renting chairs just for my butt to be present, I don’t care about buying a few of my own drinks because I had a FREE DINNER. Yes the #instagramweddingtax can be annoying, like the “be my bridesmaid box, or on the other end, asking bridesmaids to buy matching dresses. But I would say even before covid there has been a MAJOR shift starting with millennials to have more eco and budget conscious weddings. And no one is FORCING people to attend or have a wedding. Brides reserve the right to not be shamed to stay in a budget if they have to means to afford it. And brides shouldn’t be shamed into spending more in some areas despite not being able to afford to due to lack of funds. Do what you want, have fun, communicate with your vendors and friends and be real about your budget and others. This is about whatever YOU AND YOUR PARTNER WANT. As long as you’re happy together, that’s all that matters 💕

[@the.annethology]

OMG Chelsea you should react to the Netflix show, "Mortgage or Wedding" where they choose to spend the money either on a house DP or wedding. The couple featured are craaaaay 😂😭👀

[@m.j.m.4476]

I'm loving the video! Finally, somebody who states these facts. My wedding was in a hall intended for children parties and we said it was a family reunion when vendors asked! It was fun, relaxed, and affordable for everyone. However, it's not everyone's cup of tea to do it this way.

[@treblemaker33]

we need a “sane engaged couples” support group or something - we haven’t announced our engagement yet bc we want to have a really small wedding & use our savings on a house

[@treblemaker33]

but I’m concerned that family & media pressure might get to me once the news is out!

[@starzzzy22]

I think you're having a small wedding at the perfect time. I think people are a bit more understanding of a small with COVID than they would have been in the past. Do you and enjoy it!

[@somethingcooliguess]

Not sure why, but my quite descriptive comment got deleted. I swear I'm not a robot, just a person who got married 2 years ago and found A Practical Wedding's website to be a very helpful resource and a great community. Lots of sane people there with pretty creative ideas.

[@jasminebanahene6606]

I wish she would have approached this more respectfully. Honestly, I’m really disappointed in her delivery. Although she had some valuable advice, it was overshadowed by her condescending comments. If what you are saying is true you shouldn’t have to be disrespectful to make your point.

[@lauras5359]

Exactly. Don't be so rude if you want to get your point across because you're just going to turn people off. And there is nothing wrong with wanting a wedding with everything this woman says is "bad"

[@victorialee1239]

Same same same. Wow it was so rude. So disappointed. Makes me wonder if she’s unhappy or something

[@locutusdborg126]

Respectfully? Weddings are all about money so why not respect where your money is going.

[@lauras5359]

@@locutusdborg126 I agree, but there is a way to put that info out there and this lady did it in a judgmental, rude, condescending way.

[@Meloncov]

We just bought a variety of canned/bottles drinks and put them in coolers. Everyone had as much alcohol as they wanted, and the price was well under a quarter what an open bar would have cost.

[@casualcascade]

yeah I used to serve/bartend at an event hall that held weddings and every staff member took home enough food to fill our fridges after every single event (the untouched extras that never left the kitchen) and yet we still had to throw out disgusting amounts of food.

[@jettqk1]

Wow, I knew some of the waste from weddings, but this was really informative. Some ways I saved at my wedding in 2003: Having a Saturday morning wedding with lunch at the reception site instead of dinner, white wine toast instead of champagne, going with a baker I knew who gave me a discount on the (fabulous!) cake, forgoing the baby's breath in our bouquets, and repurposing the small church arrangements for our table centerpieces.

[@somethingcooliguess]

Wedding in 2019 (glad we didn’t wait a year!). Same deal-morning ceremony, lunch reception. It was outdoor and chill. Plus in daylight you can appreciate the decor and venue. Then we got to take an afternoon nap 😴

[@amberb.3406]

My wedding only cost $1000, and I barely remember it. So glad I keep it simple by having it in my backyard. Definitely wouldn’t be worth the money for a party that is a giant blur for me.

[@tenaciousdean6179]

Maybe you don't remember it because you had it in your back garden?

[@amberb.3406]

@@tenaciousdean6179 or maybe I don’t remember it because it was just a day where I wore white and signed a legal piece of paper and had a party. Still married 5 years later.

[@tenaciousdean6179]

@@amberb.3406 I don't want to yuck on your yum. You should do what you're happy with and it doesn't have to big day if you don't want it to be. I must say that not being able to even remember the day seems a bit sad though.

[@amberb.3406]

@@tenaciousdean6179 I have ADHD, I don’t remember a lot of days, due to the memory and object permanently issues that are associated with ADHD. If I don’t see something, I forget it’s even there, this also applies to people. My husband is currently deployed and I sometimes forget that I’m married because I don’t physically see him.

[@xeyang8178]

I bought 50 white table cloths for my wedding in 2017. I was worried about reselling them and/storing them after the wedding. Well, we let couples borrow them for their weddings and used them for 3 fundraisers. They are very well used and loved by everyone else!

[@TheEmmaHouli]

We had a cash bar. Honestly Americans can go off on this. It's not common in Europe (I'm Irish) but the more Americans talk about it as "a must have" and "everyone would judge you" the more expensive it is making weddings over here! I have been to one open bar wedding and one BYOB wedding which ended up being practically open bar. Husband and I agonised over this for months but made the decision that if we had to go open we would have to put the wedding off another year, which 1) would mean that we were putting our wedding in the same time frame as someone else in our circle and my brother making everyone go to two weddings that summer and 2) would have meant our wedding was in 2020! For what? An American tradition that has no cultural relevance to my family? Nah.

[@dianamccarthy2377]

Ick, this is why I eloped!!! And I have had to spend so much money on other people’s weddings I’ve been in, plus weddings I’ve attended. Thousands of dollars to date, so wasteful!!!

[@bluejedi723]

City hall Judge, flowers bought 20 minutes earlier at gas station. I wore a nice pantsuit, hubby put on best tie and vest and polo shirt. Drove together there. Few friends family met us there. Took few pictures. Reception was at a friends back yard, BBQ. BYOB. Cake was a custom ordered sheet cake from the grocery store and some chicken wings and other party type foods. Flowers came from grocery store. Punch was home made punch with lemonade type drink mix. Rings cost us $500 for both of us. All total cost us maybe, roughly $5000. Our wedding guests (maid of honor, best man) wore something nice- whatever they owned that was dressy/nice. Gifts? We were happy with just cards.

[@claire9060]

Lying to your vendors about the kind of event your throwing is a really good way to get sued for breech of contract

[@elinat2414]

Had a community hall wedding, where we hired a hall and set everything up ourselves (with the help of family). Wouldn’t change it for the world. I thought I had really ‘splashed out’ on my $600 dress. It was made for me, and was the exact red Renaissance wedding dress I had always wanted, so I figured it was worth it. Then I watched some episodes of Say Yes to the Dress and realised that what I spent was actually peanuts, compared to regular wedding dresses, which is insane! I thought that having a ‘different’ wedding dress would mean I would have to spend more, but the opposite was the case.

[@beccalindgren3902]

Thank you for posting this!

[@brittanylamprecht7194]

Loved the video Chelsea:) So true and straight to the point!!! Love your humor as well:)

[@carmelasantana3091]

We were in Colorado, family was spread across three states and two continents. We got married at City Hall, didn't even use a justice of the peace (price: $10). We got new outfits, went to lunch at our favorite fancy restaurant ($120 with wine), and ordered an 8-inch princess cake (our favorite) from our local bakery ($30), which we ate over the next few days. We got some nice embossed note paper and printed out an announcement, which we sent to our relatives. We had been living together for several years, and all the wedding hoopla seemed like expensive overkill. Saved a bundle, and I got a dress I wore for several years. No regrets.

[@zoedickinson4798]

Neither myself or my partner drink alcohol, so I think it's unreasonable for people to expect an open bar.

[@rootedinland6823]

Well, weddings are, by default, social events. So it's not just about you and your significant other, it's also about the people you decided to invite to the event. I'm very much against lavish weddings, but as the video says, if you decide to have one, you're also putting certain expectations on the people you invite. So it's not unreasonable for them to have expectations too.

[@locutusdborg126]

@@rootedinland6823 Monica, this is a great point.

[@becci8099]

I like the saying “who can put a price tag in happiness” Over spending ain’t making me happy at best I’ll be guilt happy (like when procrastinating) at worst anxious and I won’t even be able to enjoy the money spent 🤷‍♀️ Also throwing unbudgeted money at a relationship won’t magically make it happier

[@wanr5701]

In my culture, not providing enough for guests is tantamount to humiliation. So we always go big even though it means wasteful. Sad but true.

[@darthfiende1]

The pandemic was the perfect excuse to have a tiny low-key wedding without people getting butthurt about our not going bigger. We spent $1500 on new patio furniture, a grill, and really nice food for 6 guests. We just hung out in the back yard. It was great.

[@emilyl7619]

Omg I was not expecting the caterer to say that oh my gosh!!

[@DoubleMD11]

As a former caterer, this is 100% true. We were told to tell customers that we’d donate extra food, but it’d all be tossed 😫

[@bellaboomz]

I know-that’s so mean! 😰😔

[@nataliekmaguire]

Out of 5 of the last 5 weddings I've been to, I've seen the wedding cake reduced to slices that just sit UNTOUCHED on the tables whilst everyone dances because by the time it's served, everyone is either full (especially because there is ALWAYS a dessert beforehand, often in ridiculously large portions) or sick of sitting and want to get up and boogie. In fact, with two weddings (both sister-in-laws), I personally went the reception venue the day after to collect the leftover cake (more than half) on behalf of the bridal party, and at a third wedding, the bride was literally begging me and the handful of remaining guests to take leftover cake and dessert. I personally took enough cake to keep me in desserts for a month. Moral of this story: if you're doing a cake, don't do dessert as well. And ask yourself if you really want to spend hundreds of dollars on a carefully crafted statement piece just to see it demolished and ignored.

[@t.c.3393]

"We said no gifts, because we have taste." 😂😂😂 Gold!

[@victoriamather2267]

This video just shit on weddings and I love it! I recently got engaged and we’re just doing a civil ceremony and a hotel cocktail reception 🙌🏻

[@victoriamather2267]

@Alyssa Andrews You are right, just because it’s not my thing doesn’t mean I had to say that and she had to say the things she did. Even though big weddings will always be a thing, I think more and more people are realizing what a huge waste of money, time and energy big weddings are and less people are having them.

[@pnwnewyorker9088]

@Alyssa Andrews I mean she said it because it’s her opinion. Just because you love it and want to spend your money that way, doesn’t make it less sound for people that want this opinion. You don’t want this advice, then don’t take it. Glamorize your wedding day, and completely overlook your marriage like all the hip young divorcées. Live your dreams girl.

[@emersongrace8202]

We eloped and had a whole diy reception. When my brother in law got married and did all the floofy shit my in laws were suddenly so glad we hadn't done that too. We were all stressed and just couldn't wait for it to be over. My husband said over and over he was so glad we didn't do it that way and when we heard some of the prices they paid for things I couldn't help but gag. $100 a plate for cold steak and rubbery veggies no thank you

[@justjaynanne]

I's loling so hard at "One can only imagine that the diamond mining practices in the 1930s were not great"

[@ThatLatvianGirl]

I work at a hotel and I kid you not, it has made me despise big weddings. I will elope, maybe get a table at a restaurant. That being said, even the smallest weddings can get costly. For example waiting staff is one of the costs no one thinks about, but if you want great service it will cost you - worth investing. Wedding cakes are not worth it. It's the same birthday cake but twice as expensive. And my personal "favourite" - flowers. I'm just gonna take some off my mums garden and be done with it.

[@k.bradley4334]

This video was full of great pointers, but your super adorable doggo was the highlight

[@raquels.]

We had a *very* low-budget wedding 4+ years ago for 120 people and don't regret anything!! I bought my dress second-hand, had a friend do my hair, some of our old roommates offered to cook (for 120 people!), a couple from our church donated ALL the wine, a friend married us, two friends made our cake, we borrowed all the plates and glasses from another friend, my uncle was the entertainer/musician, and two friends did our photography. Another friend designed our invitations and we printed them on cardstock at Staples for a few bucks. I love crafting so I made all our centerpieces from old wine bottles. Our bridal party got to choose their own attire based on our colors (we got complaints because we were being *too* lenient haha), and we paid a teeny bit extra to use the reusable cloth napkins and silverware from the venue so we wouldn't create any waste. And we bought both my engagement ring and our wedding bands from ethical jewelry stores (my diamond is lab-created, so it was also ridiculously cheaper). The best part is we got to enjoy a two-week honeymoon of our DREAMS in Italy and NO debt :)

[@carog.5891]

Wow that sounds lovely

[@pri.sci.lla.]

I’m a bridesmaid in my friends wedding, just came from her bridal shower. It’s teaching me a lot about what I do and don’t want for my own wedding. I will not be having a big bridal shower or even a big wedding. I don’t find it necessary.

[@noelleliszkay1000]

You are a hoot! Love the glasses and this is great advice!

[@carlirheann4320]

There's no achohol at my wedding at all guess I need to cancel it 🤪

[@the.annethology]

This is why we're doing our "wedding reception" in a local buffet place. Venue is essentially free and you only pay per head. Booze and food are unlimited and guests wont really care about swan designed centerpieces at the end of the day! They care about being fed. 😅

[@nicoleselfe2126]

My goal is to make my wedding beautiful, but also as low-cost (fog me and my guests), environmentally friendly, and as stress free as possible

[@TheOldiie]

IT'S FAMILY AND FRIENDS' EXPECTATIONS THAT DRIVE UP THE COSTS OF WEDDINGS NOT VENDORS. If you are open and honest about your expectations with vendors and how you don't want any special treatment just because it's your wedding, most vendors aren't going to charge you more just because it's a wedding. If they do, don't hire that vendor??? It's that simple. It's people's expectations of weddings that make them expensive. Mom and Dad are the ones that are pressuring you to hire their coworkers, not a wedding planner or venue lol. It's guests like Chelsea that expect an open bar that drives up the cost of weddings. It's that grandma that wants some traditional element at your wedding that you don't really care about. It's your best friend thinking that the flowers/aesthetic have to be perfect, or else you didn't put in enough effort for the wedding. If your vendors aren't working on making your day the way you want or aren't working with your budget. Don't. Hire. Them. Don't lie to people. You could be going against the contract and then you have to go without their services. 🙃

[@deanna5280]

Hot take wedding gifts made sense when people got married at 18 and needed to set up their home, but in this day and age having to buy a set of silverware for a couple in their late 20s who have white collar jobs is insaneeeee like only sentimental gifts from close friends and family should be allowed at this point

[@novalinnhe]

Very true!!

[@somethingcooliguess]

As millenials/zoomers are more experiential, I'm glad honeymoon funds are becoming more normalized.

[@Knicole927]

I do not recommend not letting vendors know that the event you’re hiring them for is a wedding. As a photographer, if I’m hired for an “event”, and show up to a wedding, I’m leaving. The preparation is different and much more extensive. It’s a huge, once-in-a-lifetime event and if couples don’t get what they want, they’re likely to sue. There’s a reason is costs more, whether you like it or not. Just be honest about your budget and hire within your means. No need to be sneaky about it.

[@sabrinazzz3257]

For people you hire to be there for the day, I totally agree. I think she ment not telling people you buy/ rent stuff from for the wedding day. If you rent tables and chairs, table settings and stuff like that you’re getting the same thing whether you say it’s a wedding or an anniversary party, and the price may vary But you have to tell the photographer 😂 I can only imagine how much more work and stress goes into taking pictures of someone’s wedding, can’t mess those up

[@Knicole927]

@@sabrinazzz3257 I’ve known fellow photographers that have had that happen- just totally blindsided. I can understand for things that aren’t custom made or an “active” part of the day, like you said, though.

[@sabrinazzz3257]

@@Knicole927 Damn, my boyfriend is a photographer (not weddings though) so I get the work and stress that goes into it and can’t believe people would do that 😂 the difference between snapping a simple party or a wedding is enormous ! And I’m guessing much more equipment is needed as well. Anyways, all this to say I really don’t think Chelsea meant that advice for this kind of service, that would be crazy