5 Signs It's Gaslighting, Not a Disagreement

[@ComicalRealm]

"Best advice my therapist ever gave me: Just because you love someone does not mean they have earned your vulnerability" - Courage the Cowardly Dog

[@Marquise_DeShaw_Injustice]

"The things I do for love" - Also Courage

[@tvoovm7254]

@@Marquise_DeShaw_Injustice naw, we don't talk about THAT Courage.

[@remyhavoc4463]

What episode was that? Feels familiar but I can't quite put my finger on it

[@EverythingandNothing888]

I like that.

[@poeticlovee]

Deep.

[@drumdad54sdl47]

I told someone I loved dearly how their behavior was hurting me..they responded immediately by calling me "rude".."thin-skinned".."full of drama." Not a moment of accountability or validation of my feelings. If you tell someone they've hurt you, they don't get to decide they didn't.

[@charlotte155]

Right on!! Thats so true ! Thanks 💖✌

[@leftthatbehind6090]

I can relate a friends said something so incredibly hurtful and condescending towards me and when I confronted l her she said I was toxic for bringing it up….. it’s amazing how some people really don’t care about deeply hurting someone and project their own behaviour constantly.

[@she_sings_delightful_things]

🥰

[@she_sings_delightful_things]

@@leftthatbehind6090 Yeah, there are unfortunately a great number of self centered, heavily narcissistic people out there and they loooove to find themselves an empath to suck dry! Be careful, sweetie.

[@lisaschmidtchen2976]

The last sentence is so brilliantly put ! 👏

[@errielle_et]

This sucks when you’re a overthinker cause you really question yourself

[@empathy6717]

Same.

[@skailai3500]

Same

[@menyamustdie]

I just got over it. Going through it was rough but keep fighting:) my advice is occupying time with learning new skills, interest, etc. Keep God/Yourself close

[@tripster103]

@@menyamustdie this sucks when you're a procrastinator cause it's hard to start anything

[@tripster103]

Same.

[@sixevensage7004]

My wife is a victim of gaslighting.. It has gone for so long and gotten so bad. In particular the gas lighter is her Mom and Sister. They both invalidate her feelings and capabilities in an instant. It is beyond devastating to see my wife try and defend herself. I tell her we need to cut all communication from them. But the damage is done and now we just need to avoid them. It is terribly sad. I pray my wife can realize and gain her self respect back.

[@DarknessIsThePath]

I'm surprised she still managed to find someone and get married, usually victims to manipulators do not trust anyone.

[@nicolab2075]

Glad she's got you

[@sashadandii5002]

It's hard work, but its entirely possible.

[@mcawesomest1]

Same. My mom is a cruel narcissist and my sister is her golden child and I’m the 3 legged dog that is not allowed to have any recognition or praise at all aka the scapegoat....If I make a cake and get compliments about how good it is from everyone at a party but they will say well it wasn’t as good as my last cake... which was not their favorite and made my mom sick with the runs for days and gave my sister a rash. There is never an interaction that doesn’t involve constant put downs, insensitive jokes at my expense and criticism. When I mention what they did or said was hurtful they will deny they ever said anything and how dare I accuse them of such things. My mom will buy my sisters kids extravagant gifts for Christmas or birthdays costing hundreds of dollars and then give my children socks and underwear at Christmas. She has only attended one birthday for my middle son but would send them a card or a small gift up until they were about 3 and after that nothing.. my kids wouldn’t even get a phone call from her. I haven’t received a birthday card or gift from my mother since I was 8 or 9 years old. She just stopped celebrating my birthday although when I reached the age of 9. Not even a phone call. 3 years ago she called me a month prior to my birthday and said happy birthday In advance because I’m sure I’ll forget your birthday anyways. The hypocrisy of it all was the expectation that I buy her expensive Christmas and birthday gifts. One Christmas, money was tight during it was the recession in 2008 and I made her an album with pictures of the grandkids and a photo collage for the wall. I’m very creative and artsy - so I spent a lot of time on it. She was semi ok with the photo wall collage because she thought I bought it and the store but when I explained that the frame was from a thrift store and I had repainted it then that is when things went south... she asked me what boutique I got this cute frame at and that’s when I proudly exclaimed that I had made it - thinking OMG I am getting a complement for the first time EVER... well that was a BIG MISTAKE! she went off and then proceeded to talk about it for weeks- how dare I buy her a present from goodwill after all she has done for me... it went on and on how disrespectful I was for not buying her an extravagant expensive gift. On top of that I had just had a baby that was 2 weeks old and a 18 month old with my husband loosing his job and my work having huge layoffs. We were struggling to make our house payment and she found my homemade gift offensive. I’m in my early 40s and In June of 2022 it will be 2 years since I completely cut all ties with her successfully. There was a year prior to this that was kind of hot and cold and I would feel guilty about not being her source of praise and narcissistic supply running around like a crazy woman in the attempts to make her happy while whatever I did was never good enough The turning point was my children recognizing the behavior and my kids starting to question their value. I was Fine if she wanted to be mentally abusive to me and have me questioning my value but I wasn’t going to let my kids be rolled up into this toxic game. It was hard... but each month it got better and better. I was able to think more clearly and my anxiety went down and I realized how much the gaslighting and emotional abuse had hurt me. So I went to trauma counseling and it has been a life changer. I still speak with my sister but I have some pretty big boundaries up and I think eventually I will have to also cut ties with her. It’s hard not having a mom but I couldn’t have done it with my husband being very supportive and understanding

[@lillily4655]

As a victim of this shit myself, it’s hard to recognize it when it’s coming from close family. She may think something like “blood is thicker than water” and feel indebted to them for “everything they’ve done for her thru life.” The trick is knowing true love and kindness doesn’t come with terms and conditions. Not saying it’s right to take advantage of people and their kindness: im saying nobody should feel obligated to keep toxic family in their life for any reason. Real love doesn’t come with a “you owe me now.” Obviously i dont know you, your wife or that situation but I just wanted to share that. That’s how I don’t fall for manipulative bs from my family. I’m glad she’s got you. Plus it’s not like anybody likes to cut off family members. Knowing that, they’ll likely weaponize that guilt against her to gaslight her further.

[@escherichanja8522]

The difference between disagreement and manipulation is that if it´s just about different options, than there is room to interact and not the fact that you have to fight, to tell your story.

[@metfanmetfan1477]

Your telling me my own mother does this that is sad

[@charlie-yp2oq]

@@metfanmetfan1477 fr same

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

Can someone explain the difference between "gas lighting" and it being a matter of conflict of personalities? Cause what you THINK is manipulative and what you can DEMONSTRATE is a WIDE spectrum for people who are on the neurotic side of the spectrum. If someone has to walk on egg shells for someone and they dont offer it in return, or refuse to acknowledge that they hurt you by ignoring you or disregarding your feelings and then continue to claim that you're being harsh and manipulative yet unable to demonstrate it, isn't even remotely helpful and I feel a lot of people throw around the term way too much and use it as an excuse to just disregard what someone actually says...

[@escherichanja8522]

@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 Healthy people don´t feel the need to manipulate others.

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

​@@escherichanja8522and how do you determine what is or isn't manipulation? Use the perfect human mind? lol cause there's no room for miscommunication at all, humans are REAL good at sifting through the complex social systems we have built with our primate brains.

[@brooklynnchick]

My family - of - birth was 4 kids and 2 parents; it wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that I heard about gas lighting and other forms of emotional manipulation/abuse. I sat across from a therapist for two hours explaining an argument my father and I had been in. I explained that I needed to be more grateful, a better communicator, less selfish, more understanding, and let go of the idea that people should put family ahead of work because “that isn’t how it works in the real world.” All my father’s helpful tips for my improvement and why I’d never measure up to my sister. I had suicidal ideations after this fight. My therapist hadn’t said a single word in those first two hours and she was quiet a long time when I said, “You haven’t said anything but you’re writing like mad. You have to say something. Do you think you can help me change?” When she spoke, she said, “It is a miracle that you are alive, most people commit suicide before the abuse gets this bad. You communicate very well, I just can’t believe that you think there is any resemblance between the person you’ve been taught to believe is you, and the you that I see and hear in here now. It’s really amazing you’ve survived all you have.” The healing began with learning about gaslighting and how to recognize and confront it. Eventually (1-2 years) I realized that my family-of-origin wasn’t interested in getting counseling, trying better communication skills, or spending time processing our argument. My husband and I made the decision to go no contact with everyone except my youngest brother. I continue to mourn for the life we could have had, but it has been nearly five years since I’ve seen or heard from them. initially I was devastated, then angry, my favorite stage of healing is acceptance.

[@emilykirkman8468]

Good for you!!! Realizing they are the problem and NOT you is so freeing. Most of the time it’s the healthy people in the family who go for counseling. The toxic ones think they don’t need it 🤦🏻‍♀️. You are very brave! Hope you’re doing well!!

[@victoriajloveland3144]

Wow, What a beautiful story of healing. Thank you for sharing. It took me years to figure out my programming was so faulty that I attracted Narcissists in every aspect of my life. Namaste

[@daphne3631]

I applaud your decision of going no contact. A lot of people hesitate to do this because they feel they are breaking up the 'family'. But family is built on meaningful actions not by having blood relations to them. I was putting up with a toxic elder sister for a very long time. But now I have gone no contact too. It feels great except she acts like I have done injustice to HER

[@pranalihabib]

1. They invalidate your feeling (0:36) 2. They make your question yourself and your sanity (1:26) 3. They intend to make you feel small (2:16) 4. They don’t take responsibility for their words and actions (3:00) 5. You feel anxious about interacting with them (3:49)

[@emireri2387]

bro my mom does the first one

[@LostK05]

Thank you for your hard work (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。❤️

[@dark96744]

My aunty on my dads side of the family literally does all three and takes it a step further by flat out lying about the abusive things she says

[@pranalihabib]

@@LostK05 welcome❤️

[@Kamix98PL]

All 5.

[@ChocoParfaitFra]

My ex was like this To everyone watching this: you shouldn’t stay in a relationship with people like this because they destroy you from inside

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

@Oregano no one means to hurt someone they care for, people who gas light are no less capable of being hurt than you are its usually the result of an abusive environment where they felt they had to control the people around them to get what they needed.

[@hadilayyad6147]

@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 I’ve known my husband since we were kids; he hasn’t grown up in an abusive environment but he’s the biggest gaslighter I know and I know plenty. I know he has very low self esteem but you wouldn’t think that with the way he acts like he’s above others and deserves special treatment.

[@hadilayyad6147]

@Oregano I don’t think she means it either, she has her own unresolved issues that makes her this way with you and others. Try not to take it personal, it’ll will help you get through it. Good luck :)

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

​@@hadilayyad6147 Abusive environments aren't always as easy to see. The delicate period of 1-6 when we learn all our social skills is a crucial time, so just because someone wasn't hit, or neglected, doesn't mean they weren't raised in an authoritarian environment that would encourage control and manipulation because they lacked an ability to properly empathize or offer emotional support. Certain genetic components exist too though, people like your husband would likely excel in careers like Law though. There are plenty of largely successful careers and lives for such people, it's just not always easy to deal with when they're your significant other. but when we rely on something as flawed as our memory to determine who was or wasn't abused in some way, it becomes a lot more difficult to pin point especially if its subtle. I mean, his mom and dad, or siblings, were they manipulative like him? I spoke to this girl recently who casually said, "my boyfriend HATES hospitals." and I asked, "was he sick or hospitalized as a kid?" she said, "no not at all." so I asked, "did someone close to him die in a hospital?" and she just stopped, and thought and said "actually...yeah, his grandfather died in a hospital and he was quite close to him." it maybe not always be readily obvious the traumas we carry with us, but what we know for sure is that they exist for valid reasons. All it takes is one moment to change us forever. The important thing is your ability to translate his love and compassion from the way he acts because unlike what people like to think about such behavior, it frequently stems from fear of losing someone, or an expression of love. We don't put a leash on a dog because we hate them, we put a leash on a dog because we fear they'll run onto the road and get injured. It might not be optimal for freedom and expression, but if we can find an equilibrium that's usually ideal. We have to sacrifice parts of our self for those we care about, if we don't sacrifice anything, they're clearly not important to us.

[@hadilayyad6147]

@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 I appreciate your input. I’m probably going to come off as a total bitch but I just don’t have anything in me to care about him. I have turned into a bitter and toxic person towards him, I’m afraid. I’m not like this with anyone else, just him. He has shown me no love or compassion, he only compliments me or tells me he loves me so I can say it back (and it’s not something he wants to hear once a day, he wants that validation every few minutes) and when he pressures me into sex. His parents were the complete opposite of authoritarian and I would go to say I highly doubt he had any traumatic experiences as a child. He was a bad egg, always causing trouble for no reason ie (he broke his aunt’s glass panels by pelting them with rocks and convinced his cousin to do it with him) He’s just an asshole, and at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if he had ODD when he was a kid. He literally wrecked his dad’s brand new car by stealing his keys and crashing it into a wall. The last thing he needs would be to have a career such as a lawyer, he already sees himself as super important and everyone beneath him. He just works a shitty minimum wage job and expects me to deal with what we have, even after he drained me of my savings. He has made a point to joke at my expense and undermine my feelings, criticize and tell me I’m nothing compared to other women and that I’m lucky he doesn’t cheat on me bc I’m fat ( I gained weight from depression and 3 pregnancies). I am satisfied when I knock his ego down a few notches so he can realize if only for a few seconds that his shit stinks just like everyone else’s. There’s way too much for me to tell you, it would take me a whole day. I have read and watched a lot of videos on raising kids in healthy environments so I’m very adamant in making sure my kids are growing well developmentally as well as physically. I have sacrificed way too much of myself for him and I regret it. Yes, I don’t care about him at all and I want him out of my life. Thanks.

[@uenoyamaritsuka2366]

The fact my toxic partner literally gaslighted me for months, ever since we got into our relationship. Being a people pleaser, I was terrified and always apologized for things that weren't even my fault, and always made me feel uncomfortable by bringing up their exes, which I never did. Thank God, I'm out of it now, this video was really helpful ♡ I can see everything clearly now.

[@lauxypotato6297]

dang I'm in that situation rn, and I don't know what to do I mean I tried opening up my feelings to her but I always feel like, that I was always the wrong one..

[@uenoyamaritsuka2366]

@@lauxypotato6297 I realized that, when you're afraid of opening up to them, that's where they have failed themselves as a good partner, yk?

[@azimhaz6400]

Same here he gaslighting me accused me being cheater turn out he manipulated me to cover up that he is cheating the whole time. Coz of him im under therapy coz of depression

[@keiron.4612]

That person sounds very possessive you deserve better than a loser like that

[@skailai3500]

Same here ,Chrollo Lucilfer

[@inkeriananas]

I've just broken up with my boyfriend of almost 5 years. There was a lot of love and we had a deep connection on a certain level, but I often found myself walking on eggshells, trying not to disagree with him too much so he wouldn't start a fight. And that's just it, it wouldn't really ever be a discussion or an equal conversation, it would always shift into him yelling at me and me crying and shutting down. He would speak his mind, then tell me to talk, only to interrupt me after 10 seconds. He told me he didn't like the way I explained things. He didn't give me a chance to explain or tell the story from my pov. He would say I was too defensive. Anyway, after a few years I didn't care anymore, became an empty shell and started replying "whatever" to everything. Now I'm looking forward to finding myself again.

[@jacquelynroe9036]

Great to hear that you got out. I hope things have gone well for you ❤ This sounds a lot like a relationship I was in a long time ago. Leaving was very hard but the right decision.

[@HomoSeal]

It almost feels like I'm hearing my own story from somebody else's mouth. I almost never cried in front of him - my childhood conditioned me not to cry while in defense-mode - but I did about 7 years of crying in the first 4 months after leaving him for good.

[@charruz]

Ah yes.... the walking on eggshells. Them immediately getting angry and yelling about anything and everything. The crying and the shutting down And definitely.... The WHATEVERS that get incessantly said. Traumatic brain injury is what these demons inflict I hope to get therapy soon

[@charruz]

​@@HomoSealbecause these demons all act basically the same way. Easy to pick up on with others now. So some good does come from relationships with these demons

[@misskuni]

​@@charruzit's funny when they snap at you saying that they walk in eggshells around you. It's like .. how? No answer no explanation just more berating and rage.

[@escherichanja8522]

If only one person has the right to tell their story and the other has to listen, you know you are in danger to be manipulated.

[@akirony]

Especially whenever they tell you that your feelings don't matter, only theirs (and their dog's)

[@charlotte_stevens]

Amen!!

[@jamesrobertson1906]

@@akirony 0k

[@jamesrobertson1906]

🙏 Amen,these always,make you,fee,down!!

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

@@akirony there's a wide chasm between what you interpret, and what is intended, but when relationships go to shit due to one sided, or mutual neglect of the other person, its not uncommon to look for reasons to walk away, and the incentive to blame someone else, is strong. Personal accountability goes both ways. If you got involved with an abusive person, and continued to ignore or make excuses for them, and you got hurt because of it, you have responsibility to accept for allowing it to get that far. You know how many lives are ruined by people getting together, having children with someone they never bothered to even get to know, then suddenly jump ship 4 years later when you have four kids because you can't handle the constant conflict because you couldn't be bothered to take your damn time to get to know a person first? But yes, let's blame the world, that will help!

[@litaraduodox5799]

Honestly I just watch these for checking my behavior. I have BPD, and even if not intentionally, I used to manipulate people. Been in therapy for 2 years and both me and my circles notice the difference! I've never felt better.

[@LuckyL0ki]

i'm also healing from BPD. your insight is amazing!! ☀

[@XiaTrobough-Ali]

Good job guys

[@jacobhandyside5863]

Today I learned I was gaslighted for years. I didn't know who I was anymore, to the point where I didn't know which way gravity went. Im so glad I'm out now because that road only ends in suicide. I feel like myself again. I wish everyone the strength so that they can get out of a relationship like this ♥️

[@neuroqueercoach]

Recognizing that I'm being gaslit is really difficult for me. I'm autistic (so I take people at their word), have adhd (and therefore memory issues), was raised by a narcissist who constantly gaslit me, and have subsequently dated almost exclusively (later diagnosed) narcissists because that's what seemed normal to me, and I can never see it as it's happening, especially when they use psych terminology and tell me I'm gaslighting them for disagreeing with their version of events. It makes me second guess myself that I'm actually toxic, and it's always later that with A LOT of hindsight that I'm able to recognize the lies and how they benefited from them.

[@batteredwarrior]

I empathise! I'm also autistic and I completely trusted my ex-fiancee. She then left and started gaslighting me (among other things).

[@batteredwarrior]

My ex also accused me of gaslighting her when I wasn't, so I empathise with that too! I hope you are doing better.

[@hyberkonawa272]

Quick question to you autistic people. When someone speaks to you based on an argument or complex case.... do you guys listen more often to that person? OR are you immediately trying to always give an answer without listening or thinking??? I was friends with a autistic girl on discord who's 6 years older than me and she treated me like sh*t by gaslighting me cuz she wasn't listening anything that I say and planting me stupid belives that isn't true and even saying things that I'm so evil such as Donald Trump which is totally ridicules. Basically 3 years ago aince the pandemic, I confronted a discord mod who was a predator for malicious activity and even reported his server until this Autistic girl instead of supporting me, she was attacking me calling me an harraser and overly protected parent which is doesn't make any sense. No offense but... does any autisitc person behaves like that? my feelings where very hurt and she always said that I'm always have to be on someone's shoes but... she didn't cared about been in my shoes, just only in hers and the predators. I felt betrayed😔

[@styrax938]

i really relate to this. i always thought i'm stupid and bad at all things cuz my family makes me feel like that. they make me feel bad about myself and i always thought that i was just overreacting. talking to them really feels like I'm walking on eggshells, I'm always worried about how they'll react if I say something wrong. they make me feel so down and useless. the bad things is that they always laugh at me and make fun of me while i look up to them as a role model. watching this video makes me realize that i am not overacting but i am gaslighted and being manipulated by the people around me whom i really love the most. i just hope i'm strong enough to confront them about how they make me feel.

[@philrei2797]

That's so awfull, I know that too. But I personally don't yhink u can change them minds about that, just live the way u are and don't mind them. :) I know this can be hard tho...

[@GeorgeHandle0]

You are strong enough.

[@sharlharmakhis280]

Mine too. I hear you. ~hug~ They're jerks and not worth your mental energy.

[@lisaviolet8316]

Bruh my parents do that to me then I'll say back I'm walking away I ain't gonna be gaslighted.

[@valentinratkevicius1820]

Exact same thing but in elementary and a bit in middle school, parents are immigrants and from Ukraine along with me and came in 1st grade in a really rich neighborhood , kids would make fun of my bad English but I excelled in math only because it was numbers and not in English letters, I thought I was annoying and loud but after many fights and detentions I finally knew these people see me as dirt, luckily I transferred to a different school

[@cajsheen2594]

Once someone accused me of causing a big problem, I said they'd caused it and went through the chain of events that they had mishandled. 'Oh, so it's my fault' they said. I answered, well since you were the one apportioning blame I thought I ought to point out the actual cause. They had to accept it, because it was quite true! This was when I started to realise that not EVERYTHING was my fault. ❤ XXX

[@andrecruz04]

I've been watching your content slowly for the last 2 months, and I'm confirming a thing that is in my head since I got severe depression 5 years ago: I think I'm married to a person with a lot of narcissistic traits... and this long discovery is both redeeming and very, very saddening. Specially because it is spilling to our 2 kids. I plan on getting divorced, but I struggle to imagine how it would be afterwards... looking for therapist right now to deal with it

[@nicolab2075]

Good luck. Glad you recognised it.

[@chiaraA.]

you can do it

[@sandrad2597]

Start documenting everything, EVERYTHING!! carefully and quietly, keep it in a safe space. Start putting money in a safe space, just in case. Don't tell a soul...if you start now you will have your arsenal ready and be able to go back and show proof of what you are saying. Otherwise with the abuse we get confused, shut down and forget and they make it look like we are the problem. Good luck! And be safe. Also if he has your Google password he can follow and access all your info...

[@shanlijerome2736]

Afterwards it will be glorious don't let fear stop you

[@PhoenixGoddess4444]

@@felixthecat9027I am living the future of staying. For this very reason. I was terrified I couldn’t buffer the children. They are 23 & 25. Both estranged from me. Psychological warfare isn’t clear when they’re older. They get wired against you. Despite common sense. I am living my worst nightmare. Grandbaby number 1 on the way… my heart breaks every single day when I wake up.

[@taymo5618]

A lot has been happening over the past few months with having severe anxiety and I've taken it out on my partner. After watching this I admit that I have gaslighted him on so many occasions and only aware of it after watching this. I'm a strong person and often feel like I have to be strong all the time and have used words such as weak when I don't feel he has my back. I'm not proud of it at all. However it's something I'm going to work on.

[@m.935]

I would love to hear more about the differences in examples between gaslighting and non-gaslighting behaviour. And how to recognise the difference between intentional gaslighting, like true manipulation and just lack of knowledge and experience in a person how to better communicate. Because many people have no developed communication and interpersonal skills.

[@aronhighgrove4100]

In the end it doesn't really matter that much. You can point it out to people, and see how they react to your feedback. If they take too long to change their behavior though it's better to stop interacting with them, because intentionally or not, it will have severe long term effects on your mental health. And that's not worth the teaching.

[@camilaribeiras6311]

I'm crying at this moment because it literally just happened to me and your video came up. My mother has been doing this for over a decade. Not just to me, but my father as well.

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

sounds like something you should be talking about with someone with a better understanding of gas lighting than a 5 minute video. Gaslighting is PURPOSEFUL, people have every opportunity to be manipulative without being a gaslighter.

[@PrettyPennyTV]

I feel your pain, it's very real. Find a way to get away from her and go no contact. These people are beyond sick and almost never change.

[@MiaPhoenix]

Same I've seen my mother to as children with my older brother and half siblings. It affected us and inflicted us in different ways. Plus my half sister and I truly believe that's what caused step dad to die from a broken heart.

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

The same here. She is so super manipulative, and steals my money.

[@SoldierOfFate]

I basically experienced all these signs from 2 years ago with a group of friends I thought I could trust. They basically treated me like dogshit when I brought up the fact my ex (who was also in this circle) was seriously causing some issues with us all and she managed to turn everyone against me and made me look like the troublemaker. Some insider information I got showed me they were sorry for failing me, but the damage is done. If they treated me like garbage the first time around and took the side of a spoiled and toxic brat, who's not to say there won't be a second incident?

[@gnarthdarkanen7464]

I don't do pretty pictures very well... People screw up. They've screwed up before, and they'll screw up again. That's a fact. I've screwed up, even with the best intentions, and it won't be the last time... SO in regards to these friends, the question isn't whether or not there's going to be another episode. It's whether or not the FRIENDSHIP is worth forgiving them and returning to the circle... That's a choice you have to make for yourself... They may have learned (obviously with this one girl) not to trust her word for it... BUT the next one? The one after that? Who knows??? There will be screw ups in the future because not every gaslighting spoiled brat and twat is a bit different from the others. It's part of what makes them dangerous. There's no good formula to spot it "every time"... You just get a bit better as you go along and suffer the same kinds of things over time, cutting "bad people" out of your life when it's obvious (at least to you) that they are "toxic"... for whatever reason. Look, I'm sorry you've had to go through all that... I can't tell you what to do to make it go away or get better. Sometimes people DO grow and learn better. Sometimes they make better friends after seeing how their shortcomings have destroyed friendships and relationships before. Sometimes they have to screw up a LOT to learn much of anything. SO... about all anybody can really do or say to help you with your decision or the resolve to live with the choice made, is help clarify what you're actually deciding. I hope I've helped you out a bit with that. I hope you find and cultivate better friendships in the future. AND just because you forgive someone it does NOT mean you instantly have to welcome them back into your life "the same as before"... You forgive so their BS doesn't continue to drag you down. AND that is also YOUR CHOICE. ;o)

[@SoldierOfFate]

@@gnarthdarkanen7464 All of the people involved in this are beyond their thirties (I just hit that age last year). They should know better. I actually burned my bridges with them last year before Christmas when my insider sources (mutual friends I'm still on good terms with) told me they were talking behind my back but none of them dared to come confront me 1on1 unless they had a chance to all gang up on me at once. Dishonesty, deceitfulness, and disrespect are things I'll never forgive - and all of these were happening repeatedly and they thought I wouldn't know. I say they're toxic because my ex started talking behind my back and they all believed it when there was no evidence to support it, and my ex was already known to be a drama queen. But of course people believe the supposedly innocent girl before the gruff dude right? I consulted with some other friends (one of which is aspiring to work in the field of law) and he was like "double standards dude, I'm sorry you had to endure that but it is the truth this world takes a girl's word before the guy's". I just cut them all out of my life without any of them knowing and I already feel a hell lot better. But I don't feel bad when the main people involved were the following: a hardcore anarchist that cowardly shields himself behind a phone in all face to face conversations, a self-absorbed and pretentious cunt that has the nerve to say you'll be shit in your career paths because according to her, I don't know how to treat girls right, and a nutjob that thinks the only way I can get over this crisis is to believe in Jesus Christ *WHEN MY EX WAS THE CORE OF THE PROBLEM.* They are 31, 32, and 34 year olds respectively. And the friends I mainly consulted with during this crisis are either the same age as me or younger. This is beyond pathetic, where younger folks have a better grasp on reality than these halfwits. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, and let's just say I had a fun time reading through what you said also lol. Shit happens, but this is just me speaking from experience and hoping nobody else has to endure what I went through.

[@gnarthdarkanen7464]

@@SoldierOfFate Yeah... well... This is the comment section (often called the Cancer Section) and you just never really know who you're chatting to or about directly... In any case, I can't blame your choice as made... It's reasonable. AND just about the time you THINK you can rely on adults to have better sense they can rise or fall to surprise you... I ride a motorcycle and it's rarely less than entertaining... though I've gained skill at predicting the lack of "better sense" since I started riding nearly 30 years and probably over a million miles ago... BUT so much for the expectations versus real life experience. Right? ;o)

[@fiercephoenix4389]

@@SoldierOfFate Honestly thats many people in that age group nowadays, and your lawyer friend is unfortunately right. You are legit better off without them though. Close the door and walk away, you will be better off. There are too many decent people in the world to waste time with those who just going to bring you down.

[@zao2103]

@@fiercephoenix4389 💯♥️

[@deputyrook6232]

one or both of my parents used to do all of these points to me. 1) father 2) both but mostly mother 3) both 4) both but HIGHLY mostly mother 5) both took me years to work up the courage to tell them that their behavoir is not ok. especially 4) where the entire family had to surround my mother and tell her that she would litteraly look for the smallest event where we were concerned by the problem at some point so she could shift the blame towards us. insults were also fairly common with her as soon as someone screwed up, no matter how bad it was. thankfully, after a lot of discussion and heart-to-heart conversations, they are both much healthier in their behaviors. my mother takes responsibility for her actions, and only insults her computer when it refuses to work properly (but i can understand that frustration), and they stopped trying to make me feel small and actually let me feel pride in what i accomplished (even though that took a few months of me not sharing anything particular at school unless they specificly asked, and it took meeting a teacher that told them of my good grades to learn about them). my father still has trouble acknowledging my feelings and emotions, especially towards video games (he hates video games with all his heart even though he never really touched a controller). i'm still a bit nervous when approaching them, but at least now i feel like i CAN approach them, instead of thinking i'm about to fight for my life just to ask them for help with homework (in the past i'd legit prefer to fail my homework then ask them for help).

[@orynx2835]

I'm like you rn.. but instead only my mother is like this..

[@davidliu2243]

I didn't know this either until now that my mom has been gaslighting me all along lol

[@smarikaneupane3068]

1. They invalidate your feelings. 2. They make you question yourself and your sanity. 3. They intend to make you feel small. 4. They don't take responsibilities for their work and actions. 5. You feel anxious about interacting with them.

[@AdventuresAwait123]

It can absolutely go both ways, be mindful if someone is doing this to you, don't gaslight in response to survive, get help and BE CAREFUL.

[@minabee369]

So true. It's called reactive abuse. As the saying goes "Hurt people hurt people." That is when a relationship is at its most dangerous. It's like being in a "Mexican standoff" from from an old fashioned Western, where one person aims at the person who is aiming at them. Keep that up, and eventually what do you think will happen? Unfortunately in the case of abuser and victim, the burden is on the victim to escape from the bad situation as the one with the power to hurt will not stop of own volition.

[@adamdavidsoddities8573]

It's important to note that gaslighting isn't always one sided. Sometimes both parties are guilty. When watching we should also examine ourselves.

[@johngalvin3124]

Don't doubt yourself

[@corneliahanimann2173]

@@johngalvin3124 Naw it's a good point, from my experience, the person that was most eager to call every guy that rejected her a narcissist, was later diagnosed by a psychologist to be on the spectrum for narcissistic personality disorder. And that made her real angry because that was probably her favourite insult lol. Either way, Gaslighting is a common thing that can easily be a part of a normal conversation when someone just doesn't want to keep that conversation going in a certain direction. I'm not saying this makes it okay, but it's okay to wonder if you yourself have been doing this and what your reasons were and try to change that part of you.

[@johngalvin3124]

@@corneliahanimann2173 agreed this happens and you have to protect yourself regardless.

[@AliValentine143]

We should always be doing the inner work but keep in mind; reactive abuse, trauma bond, enmeshment. Know the signs of when it's time to get distance from a gaslighter or therapy to get help deal with one.

[@johngalvin3124]

@@AliValentine143 Now we're talking. Very illuminating advice.

[@dashiboy]

My prayers go to the people who are still being gaslighted in a relationship knowingly or unknowingly.. the worst feeling! ❤️

[@IMLovelydove23]

🙏❤

[@AtkataffTheAlpha]

A lot of my flaws has to do with being left behind after just being welcomed into someone's life as a friend. Basically, people invite you into your friend life then immediately leave you for their other friends without getting to know you or contact you at all. This not only has effects emotionally but also mentally regarding trust, thought of abandonment, and the struggles of being overprotective because of fear of abandonment. This could be a topic to cover one day as it's a big one in the world we live in.

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

wanna talk about it? I like your profile picture :3

[@TheRealPhantomsAria]

Yeah this is me.

[@wishfulthinking8699]

Try to figure out some of your interests and find those that share them, genuinely. Also, having one good friend is just as good as having many friends or acquaintances. At the end of the day? Your you, and God made you special! Just as much as anybody else!

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

@@wishfulthinking8699 except having one friend is like putting all your eggs in one basket and sometimes that basket breaks and you're left with absolutely nothing.

[@wishfulthinking8699]

@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 read my comment again please. I said 1 good friend. Opposed to many acquaintances. Difference between the two.

[@maggiebiddle8059]

I had someone say because I was abused in my childhood I didn't know what true love felt like. Everytime we had an argument, this would pop up. It took me awhile to understand it was emotional manipulation

[@giftedwithin7]

Oh that so evil for them to say.

[@videosurfer1811]

Yes, I did relate, I Did leave a person behind, and I don’t regret it.

[@NathalieLazo]

Having a bad day? Put your hand on your heart. Feel that? That’s called your purpose. You’re alive for a reason. Keep going! - Love Nathalie ❤️

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

Dont take life too seriously, you won't get out of it alive. - Love Your Father.

[@judithgannon5642]

You are a lovely soul. I take this as my Good Morning today ☺️

[@yazajag]

That is very beautiful, thank you for this comment. 💕

[@NathalieLazo]

@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 Thank you so much for sharing and the reminder, my friend :)

[@NathalieLazo]

@@judithgannon5642 That's so beautiful! Thank you for the lovely encouragement, I appreciate you! :)

[@roxxxy775]

After watching this I just realized how much I got gaslighted so many times by my family and my friends which is kind of heartbreaking-

[@dreamyheart7857]

I am so sorry.... But I wish u best of luck Stay safe 💗

[@roxxxy775]

@@dreamyheart7857 tysm

[@bev9708]

“Their unwillingness to change their ways is not a reflection of your worth as a person!” 🙏🏻 THANK YOU🙏🏻

[@RA31A]

I dealt with this once in my life with a fellow co-worker who was 20 years my senior. He kept trying to implant situations that never happened & claiming that I had forgotten. The first time he did it, I question myself and my memory. The second time he did it, I quickly reminded myself that I have vivid memories from when I was 2/1-2 years old and that my memory is indeed very good. The third time he did it, I was ready. I asked him who TF he thought he was and that I was on to him and his head case tactics. He cowered and asked me what he did again & again. He turned pale and sat at his desk. I almost felt bad for him but not really. I didn't speak to him and treated him as if he were invisible for 2 years. He one day came up with an excuse that his son needed mechanical guidance which I did assist with. I had thawed a bit and was civil towards him until he retired but I was Always on guard. Luckily, he tried No more shenanigans.

[@helpinyerdasellavon]

Exactly. So true. Disagreement is addressed to the topic responsibly while gaslighting only targets the other person to be hurt or humiliated, a tactic commonly used by toxic/narcissistic people. Learning the difference between the two is fundamental to avoid becoming a victim of the latter. Thank you.

[@aquelgamermexicano]

You have no idea how much i needed this video. I recently parted ways with a 5-year long friendship that always took advantage of my own good will (if not stupidity to be honest lol). They would want me to be available for them 24/7, they would make me feel like their lives would be over if i didn't help them right then and there, and after they got what they needed, they would never reply again, let alone be available when i needed them for anything. And when i finally started calling out that behaviour, while also addressing how i did not appreciate how one-sided our friendship was, they called me THE UNHEALTHY in the relationship, and when we parted ways, they decided to start trash-talking about me with other people after blocking me from everywhere they felt like. It did hurt, a lot, but having a better undertsanding of what they actually did to me, and how i actually wasn't being unfair for wanting a more equal treatment, helps alot to move forward.

[@gabrielnobrev]

The same happened to me but the opposite, my friend always said she liked being with me, talking to me, and that she would always be there for me, but what she did was actually the opposite of that, she would talk and spend time with everyone but me, the few and short moments where she would spend time talking to me felt like she was just doing me a favor, and when i questioned her about this she just said i am "immature" and asked me to stop being her friend

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

I really feel sorry for all the people here who seem to disregard this isn't a video that is going to give you a confident understanding of a complex psyche term and that there's a REALLY REALLY high chance that what most people would consider to be gaslighting, isn't. You don't gain an understanding of complex psyche topics with a 5 minute video.

[@Smokey1419]

@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 True, but not all people are as dumb as you make them out to be. Yes, some will overthink some things and misinterpret them, but some only need that one bit of info to clarify what they already suspected. Knowledge is not exclusive, some people learn faster than othets. To your point though, even the vid says take it as advice, not answers.

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

​@@Smokey1419 You're misinterpreting my confidence for arrogance. Just because I'm confident based on the fact I took the time out to read the comments and get a general consensus doesn't mean I think anyone is an idiot let alone purposefully set out to speak down to people. It takes very little effort to make someone look like an idiot, I don't even have to try, I could be giving someone a genuine compliment, "You're a smart person." but it won't matter if they can't accept the compliment or assume the worst in humanity and read it as an insult. "You're really pretty." turns into "what? you saying I'm not ALWAYS pretty? or that I only look good today?" It's not my obligation to control how people react to me, but it is my obligation to correct when people take what I said the wrong way. "but some only need that one bit of info to clarify what they already suspected. " precisely why I felt the need to say something. because abstract concepts aren't that easily digested, especially concepts that deal with the human mind and its extremely convoluted social interactions so I'd recommend a few more academic pursuits on the topic (like every video summarizes at the beginning) so instead of going "Yeah you got a point. You clearly care about this subject a lot" it becomes, "stop talking down to people." which isn't remotely accurate. So, it's a bit ironic, because the same message I've been trying to express, would benefit you if you took a few more minutes to understand how and why you're feeling a certain way as opposed to giving strangers the benefit of the doubt. "Knowledge is not exclusive, some people learn faster than othets" Yes I am familiar with the difference between implicit understanding and explicit knowledge. That's precisely why these 5 minute videos always follow a professional warning of that fact. That's my entire point. That the people here, who have a pretty good chance of having a WHOLE range of emotional comforts, will have to rely a little bit more than a shrug in a general direction before they are capable of taking a word like "gaslighting" and using it in any practical means. "To your point though, even the vid says take it as advice, not answers." yeah as a legal disclaimer, but they know full well what the comments are like however. It's not a criticize aimed at the channel, but its audience who feels a trickle of information can give them what it takes to understand complex psyche concepts.

[@cho4d]

Lol are you gaslighting everyone about the fact that they're not being gaslighted? Classic.@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3

[@vartatula]

I love that this video doesnt just point out the traits but also explains how to manage, deal with, and counter these toxic actions. There's a lot of info out there on gaslighting and manipulation but without the "what next" they just make the situations seem alarming and helpless. This was great. Thank you.

[@lauryners]

My ex always ignored me when I would explain my frustrations with his actions and blamed my complaints on my overthinking when his actions took basic sense to understand he wasn’t treat me right

[@Chi181]

Sounds familiar to me with my ex partner...

[@samd925]

Same, that’s why I kicked mine to the curve. I get enough of this from my family. I don’t need it from anyone else. 😑

[@jackkilman8726]

I went no-contact with my birth family after my father died 5 years ago, because I was tired of hearing from my older siblings that my childhood wasn't as bad as I made it out to be, that the emotional abuse and neglect I experienced was all my imagination, and that my own behavior was the "real" problem all along. Now I have a loving and supportive chosen family that sees and encourages the best in me instead of acting like everything I say, do, and feel is wrong. The road to healing is long and I still get angry sometimes, but I've come a long way and continue to make progress now that I'm away from all the gaslighting.

[@ElviraCrypt]

I never realized how much I have been Gaslighted, a term I never knew. My father strongly did this to me. Now I just hate myself, haha. Anyways, thank you for sharing this educational video. I hope everyone has a great day/night and take great care.😊🌺

[@WilliamAfton984]

Well ily :)

[@anbaaisjapan42productions55]

Same here. My dad and his girlfriend gaslighted me and my brothers everyday. I saw it was happening to me but I literally couldn't do anything about it bc of how my situation was. Eventually it slowly consumed me amd I fell more into their controlling. Now I just hate myself. Even before them I always did but more so now

[@rosegreen3144]

I’m so sorry this happened to you. But I’m glad to hear you know now and recognize it so you can keep a watch out for next time and avoid people like that. 👍🏻 Wishing you the best ❤️😊

[@lifesoldier]

it's so much worse when it's family

[@yazajag]

@@rosegreen3144 and also they can now work on owing themselves because no one should hate themselves wsp because their family put them through that. Smh so terrible

[@shannonmorehead2000]

I think that my roommate might be a narcissist and she definitely gaslights me often. She’s a super clean-freak, doesn’t have a job so she stays home all day while I work, and and she constantly blames me for things around the house that weren’t my fault and they’re always very minor things that wouldn’t warrant that much of a reaction in the first place. The most recent issue was she blew up at me for using one of her dishes that she had previously told me I was allowed to use. She told me that I was lying and proceeded to accuse me of many other things: being a slob, an inconvenience, and she yelled at me. When I calmly told her that I wasn’t lying, she kept yelling and told me not to argue with her and that I’m the one who had started the argument. She obviously tried to keep the “conversation” going, but I just ignored her and continued about my business and she went into her room. There have been many other instances over our 8 months of sharing an apartment together. This happened a few days ago, and since then I’ve had panic attacks every single day when I’m on my way back home to our apartment because I absolutely dread coming in contact with her in any way because I’m afraid she’ll be rude again. I absolutely hate confrontation and can’t deal with it, so I choose to avoid it. I just don’t feel like this is healthy and her unwillingness to ever listen to my side or understand me in any way (instead choosing to blame me and play the victim even when she’s wrong) really scares me to the point where my mental health is very negatively effected by being around her. I don’t even want to come back to my own house, which should be a safe place for me. She always over-exaggerates and blows small situations way out of proportion for the purpose of playing the victim and blaming everyone but herself. Not to mention she projects her emotions onto everyone around her - if she has a bad day or a bad experience, she makes it her job to make everybody else in the house feel uncomfortable and upset too. And if she’s in a good mood, she becomes hyper-sensitive of others and begins accusing everyone else of being in a bad mood or ruining her good time. The whole world revolves around her and she has no time or want to listen to anybody else or their opinions. Is this narcissism? And does the situation I described sound like gaslighting? I really believe it is. Of course, just identifying it won’t really get me anywhere but I’ve already made my decision to stay away from her as much as possible and not to feed into her rage and petty games. We have 4 months left of the lease agreement, so after that we will certainly be going our separate ways. I just need to survive that time without my mental health ending up in complete shambles because of this woman.

[@marilynkennedy8236]

I really hope you can resolve this problem quickly. It certainly does sound like gaslighting to me . And narcissism. Why does it seem as if it is on the increase, or has it always existed and we just didn't recognise it. Every success for the future and a happy life for you.

[@LoreChaplain]

Dealt with a toxic work environment with a supervisor, who in hindsight, was constantly gaslighting and trying to manipulate things to better suit himself. Sad thing is, I had a weird friendship dynamic with him and I got to meet his family and I realize he learned it from his own father. I watched his father do the same thing both to him and to his mother, which subsequently meant that the Supervisor would do it to me but also to his own wife and children. Heartbreaking, but like it's said in the end of the video he isn't my responsibility. Had to cut off that relationship entirely and completely quit speaking to him (and I obviously quit the job).

[@amandaa3713]

Kenneth Though I did not know my sup was doing that along with a sinister plan, I resisted his trying to portray me as incompetent which made him get angry, eventually exploding. His violence ALMOST killed me was covered up by the management who started abusing me. I resisted sucessfully but ..I want justice.

[@ompattewar3493]

The sad part of this experience is that now I'm always paranoid of people around me being a potential gaslighter. I like iniating interaction with people in my college. But whenever someone has a disagreement or tries to correct me, even when I know I am wrong, I get paranoid and try to avoid conversation with that person for atleast a week. Luckily noone gets upset about that because everyone kinda knows that thing about me. But that week is always just sad because I know I'm aware that my reaction is not correct but I just cannot get over that feeling.

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

precisely why you're intended to take an interest in gaslighting and further your understanding by researching it, reading books and watching more indepth lectures. This isn't a video that's going to allow you to have enough understanding to do anything with the knowledge, it's supposed to plant a seed in your mind, if you want it to grow, that's up to you, I see 9/10 of these comments running around like confident children that they're now super enlightened by a 5 minute youtube video >_> meanwhile they'd probably go brain dead trying to sit through a lecture on the topic.

[@karinag6836]

1) 0:34 They invalidate your feelings 2) 1:24 They make you question yourself and your sanity 3) 2:16 They intend to make you feel small 4) 2:57 They don’t take responsibility for their words and actions 5) 3:47 You feel anxious about interacting with them - 😁😁

[@aiheartso]

Thank you

[@trollzynisaacjohan1793]

I've done all 1,2,3 and 5.

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

@@trollzynisaacjohan1793 yah cause they're all generic observations. It's an extremely simple 5 minute video trying to briefly describe a complex psychological concept...no one here is getting any sort of deep understanding from the video, the only thing this is intended is to give you a snowflake level analysis for a concept that requires shoveling massive amounts of snow to uncover. I use this channel as a guide for focusing my academic pursuits so I can take an interesting topic and look up a proper university lecture or book. Take this video with a grain of salt like all the intros say.

[@trollzynisaacjohan1793]

@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 oh definitely. I can change my attitude towards males. I've always valued female intellect. It has made me wiser and far more intelligent. Men must treat woman with care and kindness. If they're too negative, simply walkaway in silence.

[@yelyahfan88x94]

I had a huge fight with a close friend two years ago. I was frustrated and angry and I blew up because I was feeling so used and I was tired of it. I felt gaslit and taken advantage of but now I feel like I was gaslighting. I also forgot a friend's birthday ( two months after my mom died) and forgot that I forgot and gaslit them. I apologized when I was proven wrong but I was still upset with how they did it. I try really hard not to gaslight but I constantly feel like everything I do is secretly manipulative even when I'm trying to be fair. It sucks because I just want to stand up for myself after people pleasing and being a doormat but when I do I feel awful

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

The cruel sting of sudden realization. I had a similar experience with an ex. 5 years later I found myself constantly feeling like shit about how it ended (I was very much in the wrong) and it took that long to finally pick up a pen and write an apology letter. If you feel like something was left unsaid, say something, it can only help, they don't have to accept your apology but chances are they will, and if they don't that's okay, because at least you'll feel better even if they don't. If you find yourself trying to avoid drenching the pages of the letter in tears, you're saying something that needs to be said.

[@yelyahfan88x94]

@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 we still talk and we had a lot of conversations about it and I feel like we're in a better place and I'm trying to more mindful but I always feel like I'm doing something wrong. I can't tell if it's a trauma response or OCD thing but I always look back on conversations and hate myself for not handling it better. The thing is my friend owned up to their selfish habits as well and their part to play but the more I think about it I feel like I was the one who blew things up when I could have just...not said anything.

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

​@@yelyahfan88x94 Sorry in advance if this is too long, I realize not a lot of people have long discussions on youtube. When it comes to mental health I don't feel there's right or wrong, just optimal or less than optimal. The things that work for you, won't work for someone else, and what works for you now might not work for you later or in the past. It's not easy to rewire the brain if we fall into a pessimistic outlook and harshly criticize ourselves, that's why its so important to have social networks to help us and be mindful around us to encourage growth. If we grew up around harshly judgmental parent, or neglect those qualities will always follow us into adulthood so its important to catch ourselves when we use absolutes like "never" or always" or "hate myself" those are surface level observations that should be encouraging us to look deeper as to why we feel that way. Who was it that hurt us that make us feel that we aren't worth being loved, or speak so negatively about ourselves. Learning gratitude is very difficult, I'd recommend an understanding of ambivalence. The idea that nothing exists in a state without the positive and negative aspects, its who we are that determines how easily we gravitate to one or the other hence pessimistic or optimistic. A person with a wise understanding of ambivalence can look upon an apple and see it for all its qualities, both negative and positive, a person with a history of expecting the worst might see only the over ripened quality while someone else will see no negative qualities what-so-ever, its no ONE single perspective that should be focused on just like how closing one eye doesn't help with seeing, we have two eyes for a reason, they offer optimal vision that no ONE eye alone would be able to utilize, hence depth perception and the evolution of having two eyes. Same with ambivalence, its not necessarily a bad thing to see the areas we can improve, but its detrimental to our growth to see nothing but one or the other, a person who sees nothing but the positive is no less capable of suffering as a result, they might have an outward appearance of happiness but if you dig down they could be hurting, or they might just not have ever experienced the same level of depths as someone who sees the negative. I hope this isn't coming off as sanctimonious or preachy, I tend to talk a lot and it tends to wear people out lol I uploaded a video on my channel dealing with a lecture on depression, its really insightful, (theres some middle areas you can skip through because he talks about the study in two parts and I was too lazy to edit it properly). I wish I could transfer telepathically all the insights I feel would help people, but unfortunately I can't truncate thousands of hours of university lectures and the reason why therapy is an often long and expensive process that takes time that not a lot of people are willing to put in. Believe it or not, blowing up, isn't the worst you could have done. Getting angry is another way of saying "Im hurting." wrath requires an understanding person to be able to alleviate which isn't easy to find, the more angry we get, the harder it is to find someone to see through the anger for what it is. That's why therapists will extend their capacity for emotional intelligence, onto people who might not have the full range. So when someone becomes enraged, you know those feelings are being handled when that rage turns into sadness. If we oppress our emotions and bottle them up, they tend to blow over in explosive anger because we aren't getting what we need. Just like a child throwing their toys around, they're not doing it because they want to hurt anyone, they're doing it so that a compassionate adult will see their suffering and help them deal with something they don't know how to deal with. If we don't have parents with that kind of emotional range, it tends to follow us in adulthood. I'm going to stop just in case this is too much to read, I get a lot of TLDR's lol but if you want to talk I'm more than happy to. I know anger quite well. Wrath is an often misunderstood concept. When I see a video of someone becoming irate in public that everyone likes to laugh at and publicly shame, I don't see a person worth shaming, I see all the conditions of their life culminating into one seemingly small inconvenience and years of frustrations expressing themselves all at once. Because at the end of the day, a person isn't getting angry at a minimum wage cashier, they're getting angry because once again, something in their life isn't going the way they hoped. There's a really good school of thought video I'd recommend on the seven deadly sins, while I'm not myself religious, its a very insightful video that doesn't require a religious person to understand because it goes over every single "sin" of human development to encourage understanding instead of social persecution. hope this helped.

[@preethijessica4150]

when you feel confused or just lost, and you're questioning yourself all the time that's a big red flag you're being gaslighted. Thank you psych2go for helping us🤧 these videos helped me in a important phase of my life

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

9/10 of all the comments I see tend to be taking the route of "if I have the SLIGHTEST hint that someone is upsetting me, I'm going to try my hardest to find excuses to accuse that person of gaslighting" even though its an extremely intricate and difficult to demonstrate psychology term...like the videos ALWAYS say, these videos are general guide lines, a short 5 minute video is supposed to give you a grade 1 level understanding of a psyche concept...you're literally missing high school level understanding if you stop here. It requires education and dedicated effort to understand these topics, they're not an endless excuse for people to simply disregard and cast away people they don't like because chances are, you're not capable of identifying gaslighting. How about this, if you understood Inception, or watched psyche dramas without scratching your head, you have a chance.

[@preethijessica4150]

@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 you're completely right though like what I've said cannot be taken in general cause general misunderstandings and arguments happen but that does not mean you are being gaslighted but when you don't have a say in your opinions and see you lose yourself and the uncomfortable feeling you feel in the relationship does not go away, like you still see the red flags are still there and it doesn't seem to i think that's where we need to just stop and think but seeing it on the outer and making excuses to accuse them of gaslighting is just gonna be another toxic trait and also yeah these kind of things needs to be studied and we need to understand what the term actually is

[@sophiedarnell467]

I really wish I had known this a long time ago during some of my bad relationships when they did this 24/7

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

@@sophiedarnell467 nothing would have been different, it would have just been a quicker excuse for you to end the relationship because accusing someone of gaslighting doesn't improve anything, it successfully destroys any possible attempt at coming to a mutual understanding because it destroys the idea that you or the other person is someone capable of trusting. I'd avoid ever using gaslighting if you intend to not make the situation worse.

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

​@@preethijessica4150 using the word gaslight, or accusing someone of doing it, is the quickest way to destroy a relationship and end a conversation because there's not crawling out when you use the word because its like a nuke, it expresses "I don't trust anything you say." thus destroying any hopes of a compromise or understanding, and chances are, they probably aren't, most of the time, its an argument that neither persons are willing to relent on, if someone is so confident that a person is actively manipulating them in order to morph their perceptions of reality, then there is nothing they can say, or you can say, that can change that. They'll say, "no im not." you'll say "yes you are." and thus, the complete destruction of the conversation takes place.

[@cindyp2181]

They may also say, "I'm sorry you feel that way", not meaning that they are sorry they caused you pain or distress, but that something is wrong with you for feeling pain or distress. They are MASTERS at false apologies.

[@SusanChristopher-hl7eq]

Amen! Truer words were never spoken!!

[@8214733939]

Experienced two gaslighters before. Both are cowards when confronted. They pointed fingers at someone else for their conduct.

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

yeah, shifting blame, that's not normal human behavior when confronted at all. Especially if they're confronted in a very negative way. I can't imagine why they wouldn't be more receptive.

[@KibaSnowpaw]

I would love to say I have never Gaslighted anybody, but then I would just be lying to myself. I have Gaslighted people before, even if it pains me to say, but it's true. The problem with Gaslighting is that person doesn't always realize that they are Gaslighting. They have gotten so deep into their way that they no longer see or want to see what happens around them and who they hurt. I don't like to hurt people mentally, but I have, and I know I have because they have told me so, and it hit me a lot harder than I think people understand. I have done many things in my life I regret. Sometimes I wish I could give all my Experience away, so it was not wasted on someone like me who just takes it all with me in my graves. I have experienced a lot in my life, and it has not made me happy, but I see many things as they are for good or for worse.

[@rahmanlinux9602]

I've been gaslighted by my parrents for years. Man it hurts, still cant escape the trauma...but now days i tried to accept n let it go 😤.

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

if they're your parents, chances are those qualities are in you too.

[@rahmanlinux9602]

@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 well i hope not

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

@@rahmanlinux9602 that's the dramatic irony of life lol its a consequence of our social learning =/ we start off with nothing and we have to learn from those around us. Did you know you have more DNA from your mom than your dad? Female eggs contains DNA from I think it was mitochondria, but with sperm they have none, so when the cells meet, you have a zygote that isn't quite 50/50 like most people think, donno why I shared that lol i find it cool just like how our development is shaped by neonatal development as well. you know if you were a third trimester fetus in holland during the winter of 1944 you have a 19x higher chance of acquiring obesity or diabetes because of the famine? =D behavioral genetics is fascinating.

[@rahmanlinux9602]

@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 hmm hey that's out of context 😂. Anyway i dont wanna see my kids suffer like me, the toxic chain has tobe stopped.

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

@@rahmanlinux9602 and thats another poetic quality, the fact that two dysfunctional parents can make an environment that manages to allow stable children to flourish, a sort of difficult "learn from this mistake." type scenario.

[@khalilahd.]

Videos like this help me understand when people in my life aren’t as kind as they pretend to be and helps me understand my emotions a bit more. Thank you 💜🙏🏽

[@drhatsunetweeku]

I had an online friend that did very similarly, she was toxic, abusive and just flat out a horrible person, all she’d do is connect me with my political point of views and that would be her way of looking at me and even tried gaslighting me into the idea that she was my best friend. i eventually blocked her from everything after i said that i didn’t want to continue this friendship anymore, she then said she was going to come after me and my family Its like the truth finally came out, i’ve been watching this channel for a while and relate to some of these videos, but this one really hit home. Thank you Psych2Go :)

[@sonialoves444]

this is so accurate, my daughter has nearly ruined my life doing these things to me every day. she just told me that when she’s mean and hateful that i “need to deal with it better” i hate living and waking up every day now. i cannot escape her abuse

[@Antolag]

Dayum, just realized that I might be a gaslighter. Well, I dunno if if was stated in the video, but one reason why people can develop these traits, from my experience, is like a chain. People gaslight you, and then out of anger or strong emotion, you gas light someone else. The chain continues and you might get a habit,

[@urdelulufriendrd]

And they donot want to take responsibility they are afraid so they Gaslight others just so that they can avoid a situation they don't want to take accountability and they are most afraid of the outcome might be wrong because of them if not then the rest is stated above in the video

[@Mdeaccosta]

Oh, you're on to something here, Antonio. And I think "habit" also is a great word choice. Because I see gaslighters get pleasure out of it, a little taste is never enough, like dope. Keep thinking, you're smart and gave me something valuable here. 😘 thnx

[@kevinlewis3029]

I had a gaslighting supervisor at work, he gaslighted his wife and his staff. Fortunately he left the business, he was one of the worst people i have known. Working for him really affected my mental health.

[@thorne77]

I was just having an argument with someone and something was not feeling right. I literally asked to myself "how can we have such disagreements this often." And then I got the notif for this video. Don't think there's a clearer answer to my question.

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

or a perfect excuse for you to stop trying to understand something you might not be understanding...

[@thorne77]

@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 I did stop trying, I realized that no matter how hard I tried, to them I was never right.

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

​@@thorne77 technically there is a possibility you weren't right, but how many people do you think are comfortable considering it? For example, if someone has an IQ of 180, do you think they're going to have an easy time explaining stuff to someone with an IQ of 70? Not saying that you're stupid, I'm just drawing a comparison to some of the things that stand in the way of communication that we can't even change even if we wanted to. Like a person in a high IQ range will have no problem understanding anything below their range, like they will be able to understand the 70 IQ person but the 70 IQ will NEVER be able to fully understand the topics of the 180, ya know what I mean? That applies to a lot of different factors be it personality, traumatic experiences, education. I mean, my mom isn't very bright lol I'm not going to have an easy time explaining much of anything to her because she has ZERO respect for academia let alone psychology. So I might as well talk to a brick wall. Like the saying about playing chess with a pigeon, no matter how good you are your opponent is still going to walk around, shit on the board and pretend like it won. That's why a lot of highly intellectual people are often arrogant because their values are at a level of abstraction higher than most and they get bored of everything that the average person takes interest in. Ya know? but honestly I have no idea your specific situation so take that with a grain of salt lol i'm kinda like Bill Nye, Consider the Following XD or not. No one likes to agree to disagree, so long as we feel we understand the other person its not necessary to have them understand you, it would be ideal, but not necessary so long as that misunderstanding doesn't stand in the way of a normalized relationship.

[@maryhoskins6623]

Thank you. This helps me understand why I was in a bad marriage. I left 10-years ago and I'm still working on the root causes. I can see that my issues are not necessarily about ME, but how I was treated in many relationships. Maybe that should be -- it's not about ME but the behavior that I tolerated. I am awesome and I am growing and healing.

[@makotokinomoto]

I realised over time I was gaslit by my family over the years but the worst experience by far has been in my current job where I dealt with narcissistic, backstabbing co-workers

[@kfatase]

Yes, I relate to this. Now I know my ex partner was gaslighting most of the time. He blamed me for everything and whenever I tried to talk or explain something, he never let me. I was scared talking to him, always been careful to what I say so he won't get mad. 😖 Thankfully after almost 5 years I put myself together and left him. Thank you for this videos💖

[@ay_its_jay4073]

Whenever my mom tries to gaslight me, i pretty much bring out a different personality that can handle her, i call the other personality William. William doesnt overthink, give big reactions, flinch, or do anything that would give my mom power over me

[@argentuum4958]

I am so proud of myself that I realised she is manipulating me. It was like a switch and now when we are arguing my brain is like "This sentence is emotional manipulation" "That one was a gaslight" all of this became so easy. There are moments when I say "Stop being a manipulator" and of course she is not taking any responsibility at all. And the clearest sign this is a gaslight was that after every argue I had doubts over my own judgement. "What if she is right? Maybe I'm just sensitive" but now I trust myself from the past. One time after a harsh argue instead of going into my room and crying I detached from my emotions and wrote down everything that happend, ending with "They are abusive, don't trust them" Of course we still argue but I got used to this. I'm just waiting for a psychologist to finally tell her (and my dad) that there is something wrong with them and not me

[@macadamia668]

As a people pleaser, being with someone who gaslights is one the most heart wrenching moments you can have. It took me 2 years to finally come to my senses to say no and leave the relationship that I'm not growing in. Took me another good 2 years to develop my confidence in myself, and now I'm working to be assertive and standing up to my values. Unfortunately that's been tested lately as I met someone a few months back that had all the red flags for this kind of behavior. I felt I wasn't confident being with this person. Only til then she showed all the gaslighting, pity fishing behaviors in the last minute which unfortunately pushed me to lash out. Anyone that gaslights honestly do not deserve any of my respect. Don't care what made them psychologically come to that behavior, it is not healthy to do that and can be rather damaging. Gaslighting is Emotional and Mental Abuse.

[@avivabillington5514]

100% relate!! In my experience, I know alot of gaslighting & manipulative & narcissitic people. Which is what I've learnt to be careful & read the signs

[@darkshine9319]

It took me a few years in therapy to realize that my mom and stepmom are both like this, but in different ways. One is emotionally distant and likes to point out where I failed like it was expected all along, the other not just berating me and blaming me for things I had no control over, but then telling stories about it later to people I don't know as if it was something funny. It's no wonder family events leave me with anxiety attacks.

[@OMGSHEENA]

I was in a decade long relationship with a gaslighter. I hadn't heard of gaslighting until the very end of the relationship but now the signs are clear. The first ref flags of his manipulation were early on. He would tell me something sad like pretend to break up with me or something and then take it back or say he was joking and one day he admitted he liked being the one to cheer me up. He intentionally made me sad so he could then be the one to make me happy. Somehow in the beginning I thought it was sweet he wanted to make me happy and I failed to see the fact that he was intentionally causing me emotional distress. Later in the relationship he would use my memory against me. He had me convinced that I have a poor memory. I do have ADHD but I didn't know that at the time and so I do get distracted or forget things in the moment like what I was saying or doing but I actually have a good long term memory. However I was convinced I had a terrible short term memory atleast and he would use this against me saying I wasn't remembering correctly and reminding me I have a bad memory. Making me question myself. Years in he would basically blackmail me threatening to break up if I didn't buy him things even if I couldn't afford to for example. I was often the only one working or made more than him for most of our relationship. I always paid the bills and never held it against him or made him feel bad for not being able to help as much. I defended him to others that would tell me he wasn't pulling his weight. But towards the end of the relationship suddenly he was making more money at a job I helped him get. Now all of a sudden anything be paid for was his. I bought a car for him to drive since I did t have a license and he could use it anytime he wanted as if it were his because I thought of it as ours not mine but he started refusing to take me to work. I didn't ask to go anywhere else just to and from work, or even just to work and I'd take the bus home. He would complain about the time it took him to take me to work, even tho it never Interfered with him going to work as our schedules were opposite. He said that he pays the car insurance so he can use it when he wants but even tho I paid for the whole car he saw no reason to help me with it. The year before the last and into the last he started getting drunk every night and would get angry and break up with me but later take it back. He did it so often that I stopped believing him and thought I was clever or something for refusing to be broken up with. But he wanted the reaction so he would go to extreme lengths to convince me each time was real until he got me to cry. I confronted him at our 9 year Anniversary and he said he'd so better we gave it a year but in the end he said he didn't think I'd actually leave so he never even tried. I left. Now I'm happily married to a wonderful man who doesn't do any of that. Stand up for yourself. Know your truth and speak it. Don't tolerate gaslighting and manipulation!

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

so...a 5 minute video that begins with "this is for entertainment purposes only and isn't a substitute for clinical advice" gave you enough confidence to be certain huh? Are you familiar with dunning-kruger as it relates to confidence?

[@126644]

@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 I don't think you know what the dunning Kruger effect is

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

​@@126644 you're entitled to your opinion, but if you can't substantiate it with evidence or reason, that's all it is. I provided a general explaination as to what the dunning-kruger effect is, if you have something to contest, use your words because I can say the same exact thing in reverse, and its equally valid. "I don't think you think you know what the dunning-krugen effect is to question me." and then I'll follow it up with a reason, BECAUSE, if you DID have a better or general understanding you would have quoted me or provided reasonable evidence to contradict what I said So it sounds like you're just offended, and after all, who would ever get offended on a video that aims to help people with psychological issues 🙄🙄🙄the difference being, I follow up my interests with research and lectures. So if you want to challenge me, you're going to need a bigger hammer than that. I value the challenge, if you want to play the game, you need to learn the rules dont just run into the field and act like you know how to play.

[@GameInDorf]

@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 given that you talk about substantiated evidence a lot, you sure didn't pay any attention to the fact that she never claimed that this video in particular made her realise it was gaslighting. In fact, given that she broke up with said guy and is now married to another person, it is absolutely obvious that it wasn't this "five minute video".

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

​@@GameInDorf Well I'm sure if she would have replied with "you misunderstood me" and not with rationalizations, you'd have a point. It doesn't require that THIS video in particular made her understand the topic, but the fact that she's commenting and coming to this conclusion in the comment section of this video is a bit of a strong coincidence. However my statement stands on its own, anecdotes and personal experience, and a 5 minute youtube video, isn't the most substantiated understanding of a complex highly convoluted concept like gaslighting let alone the terminology being thrown around doesn't express a lack of confidence or uncertainty. It's a feeling, or hint or suspicion that drives conclusions like this, not information and understanding. I've seen psychologists make the same exact observation. Neurotic individuals will throw around the word "gaslight" at the most convenient time for them despite the fact that it is detrimental to them and the relationship. "given that she broke up with said guy and is now married to another person, it is absolutely obvious that it wasn't this "five minute video"." you're right, good thing that's not my point....my point is, personal experience and a 5 minute video, isn't enough either....do you think that having personal experience to what you THINK is something, and then seeing a 5 minute video confirming you're presuppositions might be a potential area of confusion? If I thought my ex was a piece of shit, do you think that would increase or decrease my ability to denounce and dismiss something because of a 5 minute youtube video? Do you think our own personality might conflict with that observation? relying on memory and a 5 minute video? Have you taken into consideration what it feels like to be accused of gas lighting? You might as well throw your ring at the person while you're at it. It's a large middle finger saying "I don't have trust for anything you say." your loved one, has now dehumanized you, judged you, weighed you on a scale, and determined their perceptions of events are is the only one that matters. Some try to encourage a more mature response to a disagreement.

[@Bluemansonic]

Thank you for this, another video that I was worried my gf was doing this but it seems no, she really does communicate and apologies and we have both learned from each other. Thank you for these

[@PetricorP]

Yo, my bff thinks everytime we have an arguement it IS gaslighting. Damn the day I introduced her to the concept.

[@Asathegoopy]

It was so eye opening leaving home and finding coworkers who I disagreed with but shared a goal. They would incorporate the things that I saw and share what they thought, and often we’d both have a point, even if we weren’t necessarily correct. Or if we differently remember things we compare our stories, look it up if available or ask third participants. Then talk to *certain people* and it’s “you’re so presumptive/judgmental/hostile,” after only not actively disrespecting because I made a point of pushing back. Human beings are remarkably consistent.

[@Blessedbyvenus92]

My boyfriend of 9 years is a gaslighter got worse now that he's on medication i dont want to leave my daughter alone with him and i have nowhere else to go so i choose to stay but its so draining and my daughters starting to act just like him 💔 Sending out love light clarity and guidance to everyone that has grown up in a family full off vampires like these or are in relationships with one.

[@haleyfitts4752]

Going through the same thing. Hugs to u 💕

[@inactivefoo]

this happened to a friend of mine, she was really good in the beginning..then we started having problems, and she would get angry over simple things and invalidate me by saying it was my fault. I’d always overthink this and truly think it was my fault. When they started problems, they’d never apologize they’d always leave me on edge and I’d feel like I was going insane. It wasn’t healthy and I left about 3 weeks ago.

[@serchdietrich]

An ex-friend treated me like that. Working with her ended up becoming hell. She distorted reality to her convenience and ended up accusing me of bad actions that she had actually had towards me. But everyone around thinks she's wonderful. She is so friendly and loving to everyone! so those who know that we are no longer friends think that something bad must be going on in my head. that I am not trustworthy. Perfect move. By the way, we're not friends anymore because she was the one who got fed up with my "bad behavior." At least I'm sure of myself. Take care ❤

[@whatthewindblewin]

Him: Why are you so emotional? Me: Why are you so emotionless? *And that's how you put out a campfire.*

[@shakurwonders5216]

U got him. That's my toxic mom right there. Up to no good Her:Why are u silent, u going to be sick and you are heartless for not telling me your issues. My subconscious mind:Tf u are a gaslighter, how tf I'm I supposed to tell you anything personal?😏

[@His_scars]

🤩

[@michaelballack3051]

Because emotions cloud judgement

[@lightninghershey]

"your as cold as ice, you're willing to sacrifice our love..." Song- Cold as Ice Band/singer- Foreigner

[@lightninghershey]

To the gaslighter, not the gaslighted

[@David-nu6kw]

"You know that you're loved" She discarded me after 9 years.

[@goawayidontexist]

Wow, props to the person / people who drew the episode!

[@paulajensen3664]

Didn't really know what this was until I became involved in a narcissistic relationship - my daughter had to point it out - then I began listening to things like this and was amazed how on point these behaviors were. We are no longer together and I'm rebuilding me! Thank you - p.s- love your voice!

[@unlovabledeadsquirrel]

1:23 - There is no "your truth" and "my truth", that is gaslighting as well. There is only THE truth.

[@LittleDergon]

This really helps because I've been gaslit in the past and sometimes worry that the people around me are doing it and I'm not noticing. This helps me put things in a better perspective and to be more confident in being able to tell when it's gaslighting and when it's just a miscommunication

[@Foreskin-gamer28]

I’ve been questioning my sanity for years now. I’ve suspected my mother of gaslighting me and she fits all those descriptions. I’ve always felt stupid, super forgetful, small and broken because of the things she says to me. I don’t know what to do now. Damn

[@funkyfelineonthecase]

Edit: Realized there’s already a TON of said videos, ack, sorry! I really loved the animation! It’s so stylized and I love it so much! Kudos to the animator!

[@ream1622]

I'd just like to know the difference between gaslighting and guilt tripping, or if one is an umbrella term

[@-A-c]

Gaslighting is the umbrella term, guilt tripping is one of several actions under that category.

[@ream1622]

@@-A-c thanks!

[@Sarcasmarkus]

When someone is guilt tripping you they're generally playing the victim card to make you feel guilty, to get you to do things for them and or feel responsible for meeting their needs. Gaslighting is more about invalidating your experience to make you question reality so they can get out of taking responsibility for their own bad actions. People can do both, sometimes in the same conversation.

[@BonkVibin]

I have realized my friend of 6 years was doing this to me recently. I thought I was a terrible person until I opened up and asked my mom for advice. She told me that it sounded like they wanted me to stay in a certain box that they had put me in, in the friend group. Since I seemed to be stepping out of that box they wanted to punish me for it. She said that they probably didn't even realize that's what they were doing. She suggested that I talk to them about it and if they aren't understanding of my side of things then I should distance myself from them. Well I don't think I'm still friends with them anymore. I was anxious about it all at first but now I feel like I have less things weighing on me. It's relieving. I feel like I have the room to work on myself now. Feels like I don't have eyes on me looking for every mistake or slip up I make just to vilify me. What's even better is that I stood up for myself and I needed that.

[@awastedcow]

I had to remind myself I was watching a Psych2Go video and not reexperiencing my own parents interactions for the past two decades. All these points are very true. I wish I was able to be educated on this matter earlier in my life so I wouldn't be completely burnt out as I am today.

[@Zexidous]

I met a person like this. Still know them. I knew something was off at first, but I just chocked it up to me not knowing a lot. At first it wasn't so bad, though there were a few flags here and there. Then I ended up living with them. It was supposed to be for a short time, but that's when I really got the full view of who they really were. They lied their butts off at every turn, creating whole scenarios behind the scenes to tell others to get them on their side. I tried point things out to them, tried talking to them, stop talking to them for a while, talked to their parents a couple of times, tried talking to them again, etc. None of it seemed to matter. I just kind of wing it now when I'm around them. I expect them to give me that two-faced interaction up front, and destroy me everywhere else behind the scenes. I tried to help them and whatever relationship (friendship) we have / had, but you can't be the only one doing all the work. If they don't care to help or get better, let it be their problem, not yours.

[@Mdeaccosta]

My bf brought home a dumb paperback book, Dune. He said it was a book his best friend especially wanted me to read. I didn't know the guy, but, ok. I read a bit, ugh, and dog eared a page to mark my spot. He went apeshit, saying his friend obsessed over (crappy paperback) condition and I'd ruined a first edition, etc,etc. Went on for hours, working himself into a towering rage, right? Hours. So, to cut to the chase... Mr Man had a medical catastrophe, he ended up intubated in the icu. All his friends gathered, I met his best friend, a nice guy. He'd never heard of my existence, he knew nothing about the book, (he also thought Dune sucks.) It was allllll fiction! Total theater, for no known reason, complete with a prop.

[@AirWubboxSillyReal]

i just realized how many people in my life have been gaslighting me..

[@dOVERanalyst]

When I realized how strongly I've been gaslighted two years were gone. But I'm glad out of so much violence, 3 times nearly dying, I am alive. But it does take a toll on you. It's hard to trust again.

[@walkbyfaith2332]

I'm dealing with this right now. When I tried to explain how I felt, it was automatically turned back around. No accountability at all, "I NEVER do that". Never admitting to wrongdoing. Trying to push info at me without giving me a chance to think. Trying to use kids as emotional blackmail to get me to come back. (This was a church related incident.) Telling us we're not wanting resolution, but we try and we get stonewalled. It's like how I feel gets stuck in my throat and I can't speak.

[@susanmiller5035]

That is so so sad! Gaslighting is terrible! Education on the subject is crucial!

[@aquenepacheco8762]

My GM was gaslighting me to the point I had to leave for the sake of my mental health. we would have talks everyday right as I'm about to clock out about how I'm worthless and nobody respects me. The next day when I would be clearly upset and uncomfortable she would then have talks with me asking me why I seemed so down, and I would explain how what she said to me upset me and she would say "I never said that! I would never say that!" and it quickly became a back and forth argument before I finally rolled on my back and listened to her tell me how I don't do enough there. Even though I would literally work 8-10 hour shifts without a break and had chemical burns all over the tips of my fingers from constantly cleaning. It was really triggering, especially when she didn't talk to anyone else the same way she did to me. She of course threatened that she was going to fire me saying if they failed our health inspection I'd be out of the job... Even though she was the GM and we had an assistant manager who would get any with murder there. Nobody should have to dread going into work everyday and not feel appreciated. Especially food industry jobs, the upper management seems to forget were all humans... We're not some slaves, we deserve to be talked to and not talked down to. This is why it's hard to find people who want to work. Just be nice.. your words can have a serious impact on others.

[@marilynkennedy8236]

That is the problem with these gaslighters. There are certain people who they do not act this way with. And if you speak to these people about the problem they don't know what you are talking about because it hasn't happened to them. You can't get validation or anybody to agree with you, unless it has happened to them. Try and find someone else who has been gaslighted by this GM and compare notes if possible. Every success in the future, I hope you can resolve it. You do not deserve to be treated this way.

[@marilynkennedy8236]

LP

[@marilynkennedy8236]

I am sorry I have only just noticed, you have resolved the problem, you have left the job.

[@yogs8280]

Been there for more than a year. So grateful that I've been free now... For anyone who are in the relationship with the gaslighter, I'll say it's okay to keep your distance with him/her WITHOUT any explanation first. Safe yourself is a priority, because any discussion with them are chances for them to control you again.

[@ThE_bOtAtRoN]

Unlucky for them society has taught me to “effectively” supress emotion (mostly stress and bad intent)

[@rotoole22]

Thank you for making this, a girl that I was talking to that plans on going to the same College as me, did this to me. She tried starting fights then blamed it on me for “saying stupid things”. She accused me of talking to other girls and other things. I couldn’t take it anymore. Much love to you all who are struggling, I care about you and I love you

[@glitcher654]

My step-mom gaslights me all the time and I hope this video will help me deal with it better, thanks!

[@MoonSpinners]

My dad did all of this to me my entire life. It’s really mucked me up psychologically, and now he’s dead, I thought I could be myself at last without getting his constant approval, but my brother has taken over where dad left off. My brother thinks he’s just having fun, calling me useless and thick, picking on aspects of my personality, never apologising when he’s wrong. If I buy something from Amazon, and it’s faulty, my brother says it’s because I’m useless! He thinks it’s funny, but I’m just left feeling like 💩 after he visits. I’m trying not to keep feeling the need to please him, and change my personality when I see him, but I can feel myself being a different person around him.

[@shironekoYt69]

Ahhh, exactly when I needed this the most🥺💚 Thanks Psych2Go

[@Riley000-n4v]

This was me, but eventually I started speaking up and once he realized I was no-longer able to be manipulated he began to be quit. He was the worst person I have ever met. Now I’m healing. Since our breakup, when I began to miss what wasn’t love with him, I have to remind myself on everything mentioned in this video. The manipulation was so real.

[@ToudaHell]

After recognizing gaslighting once, it's easier to recognize it again. I've been gaslighted by my mother all my life. I recognized it (with help from a ton of therapy) and put up barriers against it. My last boss tried to gaslight me again but I recognized it immediately and didn't fall for his bullshit. I was able to get out with lots of rage but minimum psychological damage. I've found 1 method gaslighter use to manipulate is making themselves seem weak, vulnerable or unhealthy. That way you can't really say anything because it'll upset them more when they've got sooooooo much on their plates. That's how my mom did it and that's how my former boss did too.

[@Lorenzo952]

Thank you. I do my best when someone people try to take advantage of me.

[@froggingplaz2760]

This helped me rellize that I’m a gas lighter and thats why my friends exclude me out a lot

[@kawaiicow1166]

remember that a bad person never actually question if they're bad or not, they just are. good people sometimes question if they are a good person or not because they want to be aware of how others see them. so if you a you think you are a gaslighter, you may just be considerate of what others think of you

[@urdelulufriendrd]

Now you know so you can change its okay i was also a kinda bully but that because of my parents giving more love to my brother and completely ignore me which induces jealousy when i was under 7 years old now you know so u can change the damage is done but what can you do is to try to not do gaslighting thing and try to change yourself from negative things into positive one be brave okay and of someone still treats or think you are not changing and you are doing it because of sympathy or any ect situation when you have changed the way you interact i would suggest stay away we all make mistakes but learning from them is also in our hands hope i was clear in my ling Ted talk please be courageous i won't be easy more to do work on subconscious habits but it will change over time and if someone brings up yr previous behaviour and try to belittle u, u know you are being gas lighted for yr past mistakes 🤗

[@suhseal]

and then... even worst... there's gaslighters that will use ALL of those points against you and mirror their misgivings on you. It's the most maddening kind of interactions. But remember, who is taking accountability and trying to find a path forward to compromise and improve communication. And who is simply trying to tear the other one down and be right. Don't let them make you feel less than.

[@gnar14anime59]

The thing is that my friends refer to me as a person who starts with arguing whenever i come to disagreement with somebody, meanwhile i am more of a sensitive person who doesn't really prefer fighting over those kind of things but something that i've noticed is that i am an overthinker who doesn't let things go by easily whenever somebody is being wrong at some point (or that's atleast how i think) it always ends up with me fighting with the person i am disagreeing with meanwhile my intention is to spread the right information or atleast what i think is right, making them think that i fight over small things instead of arguing.. This might be off subject but the things i've seen from this video are things that my friends say about me, meanwhile not having an intention to do so, is it some kind of a bad habit or i am just a Gaslighter myself?

[@Caprice33]

I don’t believe you are a gaslighter. Just like me you seem to be highly sensitive and therefore highly observant so you know exactly what you are experiencing with your friends whether it is big or small.

[@samanthaivyleigh]

I would say that you're probably not a gaslighter, especially since you actually have noticed the behavior you're friends have commented on without immediately just brushing it off. However, I'm very much like what you said. I have trouble letting go of a subject especially if I have what I feel is either anecdotal evidence or actual factual data to try to get across. And I really am correct a decent portion of the time, but it doesn't matter at all if you don't know when to drop it and stop it! Studies show that when confronted with the truth/accurate information on a disagreement, instead of that changing the perspective of the people it actually does the exact opposite. People tend to dig in to their views and opinions even more, and then there's plenty of people who can't tell the difference between a debate, disagreement, and argument. I have to remember that it's not really that important in the long run, and remind myself when I notice that I am going on a tangent. That would be my advice to you! Awesome that you have recognized the behavior, now just learn when you are pushing people too far.

[@ax0ltl881]

Thank you so much psch2go, I didn’t realize until now that some of the stuff I’ve done was too close to gaslighting, it was never intentional and I don’t think I’ve caused too much harm because the goal was never to hurt them and I’ve never made them question their sanity so I think there’s still time to fix it. You also helped me realize that I’ve been gaslit too so thank you so so much.