5 signs of emotional abuse | Haleh Banani

5 signs of emotional abuse
Emotional abuse can have a long-lasting damaging effect on your self-esteem and your self-worth. Some researchers and therapists say it's even more damaging than physical abuse and it usually comes with physical abuse. Now, how many of you know of an individual who is right now in an emotionally abusive relationship? Almost all of you know of someone, right? People need to know that this is very common. We see it sometimes within our parents, sometimes with siblings, sometimes in our own relationships or with friends.
Today, I’m going to share with you the five signs of being in an emotionally abusive relationship.
Being degraded:
Dominating:
Accusing or blaming:
Neglect:
In some cases, the spouse will get mad at them and many times, they won't even tell their spouse why they're upset. So it's a guessing game. The spouse will just feel like,
“Oh my God, what have I done?”
“What have I said, why are they so upset with me?”
“Why aren't they talking to me?”
This can happen at any moment. That is why many people who are in emotionally abusive relationships are constantly on an edge. They will describe their relationship as walking on eggshells. They don't know what's going to tick them off.
The abuser will punish you for not adhering to everything that they say or do. This can have a very long-lasting effect emotionally because when you feel that anything you say is going to end in an argument of the silent treatment, it makes you very scared. You will stop expressing yourself.
You will hold back your feelings, your needs, and your wants. This is not a healthy relationship. If you feel scared around your spouse, where you can't share your feelings, where you can't share what you need, where you can't share, then this can really have a long-lasting impact on you.
Codependence:
Can therapy help?
Some spouses who are being subjected to this kind of abuse would actually seek therapy hoping to save their relationship by changing themselves. But guess what? The spouse will respond to them differently. I like to describe the relationship as a kind of a chemical reaction.
If you have a chemical reaction and you change one substance, what's going to happen is completely different. Some substances will be combustible. Others will just have no reaction. So when you change yourself, you're changing the substance and the reaction will be different. Will your partner respond differently if you change yourself? Are they willing to learn? Are they willing to go through a marriage program? Are they willing to expand their mind and recognize that this is a toxic relationship?
If they are, then that's great. I've seen people genuinely make a change, but sometimes, the only solution could be the fear of divorce.
But if your partner refuses to acknowledge that they have a problem, and if you are continuously walking on eggshells, trying to manage their emotions, that person is never going to realize how damaging it is. They don't want to get help. This makes the victim completely depleted and vulnerable.
If you are in an abusive relationship, I want you to seek professional help. I have free training videos for a marriage that you can work on yourself. Make sure you're aware of your behavior. If you make certain changes, establish boundaries, establish self-esteem, and keep your tawakkul on Allah, but don’t stay silent or passive. You must take charge of your relationship and your life. You deserve to be at peace. You deserve to have a sense of tranquility in your life. You don't have to just live your life to manage another person's emotions.
Head over to the “Courses” category on this website and see which one works best for you to help you to regain your strength and your independence, and make you feel capable.

[@faymoosa5064]

Narcissist are not willing to change. 😢

[@sleeping_beauty8558]

You described my husband to the t. The degrading, the excessive controlling, the constant criticism, the accusations and blame he somehow shifts solely on me all the time. The silent treatment. The threats. The gas lighting. The passive aggressiveness that never ever pauses. It’s toxic! I can’t express my feelings or my needs without some word getting twisted and twisting my feelings or my needs into something bad. I’m not a co dependant. SubhanAllah, I know I have what it takes Alhamdullah to succeed without him. But he’s had me trapped in a foreign country for the past ten years by using my children as pawns. May Allah protect me and all women from diseased hearted men.

[@nellywilde9541]

May Allah swt help you through this sister

[@missahmed786]

How r u dealing with him now???? R u stilll with tht man???

[@sleeping_beauty8558]

@@missahmed786 I am and live in Jordan of all places. I'm not a citizen nor do I have residency, my ex purposely kept me undocumented so I would have little chance of a fair custody agreement or getting a job. He’s still refusing to register our American divorce in local court to avoid the red line he’d be forced to adhere to once it is. Ironically the legal paper (marriage) that’s meant to secure my rights as a wife, mother and human , he’s using to maintain his rights to insult me, threaten me and cross boundaries I’m trying to protect all on my own. Despite my ex’s abuse and his family’s refusal to help, my es is p@lestinian btw., my personal story doesn't affect my deep sympathy and compassion towards the P@lestinians in G@za. I feel impotent knowing | can't criticise the government here because I'd be thrown in prison and most likely be deported. Loosing all access to my children. But the more I read about the Jordanian stance on the P@lestinian issue the more self restraint I must practice. Maybe the fact that I was betrayed, oppressed and gaslight by the one person who was supposed to protect me, has helped me relate with the P@lestinians in G@za on a deeper level than most. I understand and feel their pain. Hasbunallahu Wa Nimal Wakeel fi all the oppressors worldwide! I pray for justice and FREEDOM for all victims of Gaslighting and Oppression specially the P@lestinians in G@za. I mention gaslighting specifically because I’ve witnessed how dangerous and destructive this tactic can be.

[@Sk24266]

Seems like you are describing my husband

[@LamiaTabassum-fn5ig]

i am going through the same. but cant take it any more. how r u coping? can i knw?

[@rajashah702]

😭😭This is what i am facing right now with my husband. All what you said describe him. Thanks a lot. Bless you ❤❤

[@asfiahussain4927]

May Allah reward you to explain these all signs,because sometimes it is not easy for the person to explain ,what kind of zulm or evil he or she is receiving from another person

[@waheedasyedshameemahmed6673]

Assalamualaikum sister. Iam in a abusive relationship even I am educated and working. I have been married for 12 years, I don’t have a child. My husband as you mentioned is controlling me in everything. I can’t speak to him normally. I am living this life just for my mother as a formality for the world. I don’t know what is the solution for this and how long this will go. He is just using me for money so that I can earn and give him. I am not involved in any important decision he makes like buying a asset. He and his family discusses everything and takes decision. I am just like a thing in his life to use me when he needs. I am emotionally broken. Just praying to Allah that he shows some mercy on me.

[@mahrukhameer3250]

Sister Allah has provided you the way of seperation. I know it's difficult to say but Allah will give you vastness as mentioned in Qur'an. Do istekhara and Allah will make your way clear for you

[@Ela-mj5bc]

With narcissist personalities is very hard to deal with .

[@haleh_banani]

That is true

[@mikaeels.6477]

The cold shoulder (stonewalling) is a form of emotional abuse. This is a very very low level of behavior from the person who does it.

[@abeeraaslam6414]

What is that?

[@numidiajurjur3467]

Tooooo late to know😓the damage invade every aspect.

[@kamilathassen7276]

The same for me to to let 😢😢😢

[@sanji546]

Our mothers put us in this situation asking to sty in abusive marriage

[@anujarahim8533]

Jazaki Allahu khairan katheerah dear sister, that was spot on 🎉

[@gul.12]

Thank u sister.May Allah reward you.🤲🏼As always your lectures are so inspiring,waiting for your more lectures.🌹

[@Tailltaill602]

This is such a reassuring and enriching video... Jazaka Allahu khayr Haleh.

[@latinalife2458]

Oh sister am glad I found the video I been abuse for 18 years, a year ago he was dating and dumping me in his country with lies and lies . Now he wants to take even my little from me. The boys are 18 now and willing to help him in any way !!! It hurts me so much when they talk because he has manipulated so much!

[@yazzbazzs3602]

Nothing but truth🙏

[@zuraydadamon1332]

Sister Haleh you are a blessing you opened my eyes and help me to be a confident muslima shukran may Allah bless you abundantly Ameen

[@HomeFrendsten]

Thank you for this video,narcstc mothrs complain about daughtrs or sons since infancy

[@foreveryoung806]

Salam honourable Sister Haleh..thank you for letting us have this to be aware.of such..But this concept can also be applied for other types of relationship like parents and child? Amongst friends?

[@badesabamir576]

Jazakillah kher

[@baigayat9137]

We are so many with more or less the same issues with our spouses however, one of my professors at the mosques told me that the mistake was done from the beginning when I said yes to this marriage. It hurts to hear that but it’s true I do have my responsibility in this whether I like it or not or whether I believe that he’s the one making the marriage toxic more than me or not. So let’s just try our best. Marriage is not a life sentence, we should be able to get out of it but I understand the feeling of being trapped. May Allah make it easy and help us to learn from this hardship and not lose focus on our akhira. Sometimes it’s necessary to leave the marriage, but some other times if there’s enough maturity, there’s hope to work on it and crush the shaytan .Let’s not give up sisters. I share your pain and will be making dua for you InshaAllah. Don’t forget me in yours as well please.

[@haleh_banani]

Salam Alaikum sister @baigayat9137 In Shaa Allah things will turn up great for all of us. Sister Haleh has a course called The Mindful Heart Acadamy, it has training, inspiration, practical tools in supportive community for women to achieve emotional strength and personal transformation. Sister Haleh is doing live session every Thursday at 1PM CST as well. See you there In Shaa Allah - HB's Support Team

[@antionettemurray6389]

You articulate this subject very well. Thank you for your input and your KZbin channel.🥰😇

[@nuzhathjahan7184]

You described my husband 😔

[@KamaraMabinty-ye3kp]

This is exactly my husband he Always make decisions when he is upset he will talk at me for one or two hours sometimes I said to him I am not a child I am your wife

[@fatmatabintasow4668]

This is what am going through for the past 12 year and he so nice to my family and his family so even if I try to explain nobody will believe me😢

[@Sumayyah-ho1wl]

SubhannAllah. Don't be sad Allah is with you. He see you tears. He hear your cries. Turn to Allah.

[@IfeomaAgha-ho9st]

I caught my man touching another woman who came to serve us in our room with him tying only towel on his waste in my present, I confronted him and he angryly told me he is a man and I should not just start😭 no respect for me at all.... I'm still with him to save up little more before I ran for my life

[@spoonsofrowza]

My husband doesn’t want me to finish my education and says I should obey him for the betterment of the marriage and religion but I know by education I am not doing anything haram, I wear proper abaya,hijab,niqab and never talk to any male in the university but still he says it is my duty to stay home and not study anymore but I do feel like maybe in the future I will need to get jobs to financially support myself so I want to finish my education 😢 I don’t know what to do

[@Sumayyah-ho1wl]

It's not haram to educate yourself. Please don't give up your education.

[@farashe1893]

These all totally what I feel in my relationship with my husband right now, How to deal with such abussive husband which always make me feel I’m the one wrong

[@zohrabismillah9489]

Jzk for sharing

[@irm2708]

He does everything but i have to stay 😢😢😢

[@ahmadmaryam5420]

This is my life right now

[@MohammedAli-vp9ie]

I'm unsure if I'm in an emotional abusive relationship or not even if I am I could never leave may Allah make it easy for me

[@HomeFrendsten]

toxic people also manipulate

[@NRK7861]

Omg that is soo true my friend is going through that what should they do please help me so I can help her?..

[@LoveLifeLive1]

My husband had all the five properties and he was a narcissist... He alawys thinks that all was my fault. So he divorced me.

[@user-yg1ec1sy5m]

Say Alhumduillah

[@rejhana1012]

You spoke against the husbands rights in Islam with the psychologie, in point 2 and 3..

[@addisachannel169]

No

[@diniadem7852]

Please sister answer me my question I am not in a good situation please my question is I’m married and I express my feelings when I’m very and also sad I cry allways,but my husband allways very angry on me and he thinks that I’m idiot,like I’m not strong enough instead of respecting the way I express my feelings . So what I have to do please

[@yougotthiss]

How to get out when you have been gas lighted and you have an imposter syndrome in result.

[@LamiaTabassum-fn5ig]

sister banani, do u provide therapy online? would like to know urgently. please help me

[@haleh_banani]

Salam Alaikum sister @LamiaTabassum-fn5ig thank you for reaching out. Yes, sister Haleh is offering online coaching sessions, kindly find the link live.vcita.com/site/haleh.banani you can book a session online. Should you need further assistance kindly send an email at [e-mail] - HB's Support Team

[@user-yu8lk9ly8t]

In Islam, what must we do if we have a husband who does that to us?

[@ReihanaIfthikar]

How can I contact you sister.. to get some guidance L

[@tabbuansari6298]

Can I take a session with you plz

[@lambda1917]

God himself controls our life, so does it mean we have toxic relationship with him?

[@ature2003]

Asalaam Walakum I tried not to escalate and remain feminine, I cannot deal with Beta type men no dis respect

[@Tangentbordsblues]

Having to wear an ugly tablecloth

[@nellywilde9541]

Get out of here

[@rehanagondal4865]

I have vome out of my marriage after 55 years . I need to talk to someone . How can i contact you please dear sister

[@Nada_4]

Thank you for sharing your beautiful 🎤 speech ❤️