How To Deal With An Emotionally Immature Partner & When To Leave the Relationship

Рет қаралды 16,004

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 99

@ReeseBose-db8tj 7 ай бұрын

An emotionally immature avoidant partner is a nightmare, absolutely nothing can get resolved. Anything you say and do can and will be used against you!

@martinturcin2297 5 ай бұрын

I agree

@courtneyhall3761 5 ай бұрын

Yep I tried but it turns into an argument.

@linnie14 3 ай бұрын

100 percent.

@traceysutton4630 2 ай бұрын

That is my experience too.

@laylis12 Ай бұрын

Indeed. I couldn't date him for more than 6 weeks!

@jforrester1208 9 ай бұрын

In my experience it is completely futile to try to communicate with an emotionally immature person. They just don't see the world the way others do and they have no idea that their behavior can be inappropriate.

@easygoing6397 9 ай бұрын

You are right except for the part when you say they don't have any idea that their behavior's inappropriate: oh Yes they (do) have (every) idea that their behavior's (inappropriate) - for sure!!!!

@Clevelandsteamer324 9 ай бұрын

It’s like trying to kick water up the stairs

@Zetos 8 ай бұрын

I think that's the point, that it's pointless and you have to set boundaries in order to proceed in your life.

@ArabaDowell 7 ай бұрын

Agree!

@ArabaDowell 7 ай бұрын

@@Clevelandsteamer324 So true!

@ipaycloseattention 5 ай бұрын

No matter how calmly I bring up something, no matter how many I feel statements I use, no matter how much I tell him it's not an attack, he tells me I'm attacking him and that he's just not enough for me. Then he goes into a deep depression for days where he's completely shut down. We end up having to slap a sex Band-Aid on it just to get him out of his shell again. It's ridiculous.

@PACKERMAN2077 3 ай бұрын

Well what have you done to understand whatever trauma in his developmental cycle as a child cause this? Or have you already came to an understanding that he is in denial of?

@kianaraymond3012 9 ай бұрын

I had to let the person go, it became overwhelming. Especially when the person isn’t putting in the work.

@martinturcin2297 5 ай бұрын

I want to do the same

@Tmcsinger91 5 ай бұрын

Same I can relate to that I had to cut off a now ex friend because of that ❤

@laylis12 Ай бұрын

same here

@irinaivanovic9792 17 күн бұрын

Same here. It's not worth the heartache realizing he didn't care anymore to hold onto me or the relationship, despite claiming how devoted and loyal of a boyfriend he is. SMH.

@MissEbony821 8 ай бұрын

In my situation my partner shuts down. It’s like he’s in his own little world. When I attempt to talk to something serious or my feelings he will either not respond or he’ll respond by talking about something totally unrelated. I remember once telling him about something traumatic from my childhood and he responded by changing the subject and talking about how much he likes chik-fil-A. So now I’ll politely repeat myself but he will simply not respond and claim he didn’t hear me. When I lose my cool and explode on him he just sits there with a weird confused look on his face. Then he will respond to what I’m saying but with a very short sighted response. I’m so over it

@PACKERMAN2077 3 ай бұрын

I'm sorry that you had to go through that I am that person that you're talking about... I can't get out of my own head a lot because I start thinking about that shame and it does piss people off or turn people off that I do spend time with, sometimes it makes me so angry that I blow up in a rage break things and hurt myself. Nobody wants to deal with that and if anyone does put up with me for any amount of time I become obsessively possessive of them as if they must love me and I owe them my life and then I get to stalkerish levels of codependency

@kents.2866 Ай бұрын

@@PACKERMAN2077I really hope you are working on that.

@baumbaumkuchen 5 ай бұрын

'I' statements don't always work. The emotionally immature person can use it against you, and you're told you're the one that gets unreasonably triggered and that's something you need to work on, rather than the emotionally immature person taking accountability for their poor behaviour.

@mochachaiguy 5 ай бұрын

Always on eggshells trying to figure out what the approach should be to avoid a meltdown and it’s different every time. I often get “if you only said it this way…”. I have no faith that said approach would actually have avoided another crisis.

@ipaycloseattention 5 ай бұрын

OMG mine is constantly telling me what I should have said instead.

@mochachaiguy 5 ай бұрын

@@ipaycloseattention Ugh. Sorry to hear that.

@tanikahstroman1266 2 ай бұрын

Well said

@irinaivanovic9792 17 күн бұрын

My ex narcissist boyfriend. A 46 year old man btw. Smh....

@antoniostrina82 9 ай бұрын

This is the mistake I made in my relationship many years ago. She was an emotionally immature person, but I was immature and stubborn as well, even if I never had emotional issues.

@martinturcin2297 5 ай бұрын

I can't stand my partner ge gaslights and acts like he dosnt understand he makes me want to leave my own home to live in peace

@katb3735 9 ай бұрын

The last few words of what you said are my reality. And I haven’t been able to cut the cord. It’s very unhealthy for me.

@bruceroberts8815 5 ай бұрын

Same

@FatalDistractions 3 күн бұрын

Married someone out of guilt , now everyday is a struggle and I can sense the resentment building up in me .

@lesliengo8347 8 ай бұрын

I don't have a partner but I do have parents, especially my dad, who are emotionally immature. I think this applies to all close relationships. Communicating, setting boundaries and accepting different ideas is crucial to having a good relationship. Sometimes, when I tried addressing issues with my dad, he doesn't have the emotional maturity to properly address it, shuttting down the conversation. However, by knowing he doesn't have the emotional maturity, I can understand why and not blame him for being a selfish or terrible person.

@SuzanneMaroney-su5lc 3 ай бұрын

Isolated….frustrating….I want to be a partner, not a mother to him.🙄

@laylis12 Ай бұрын

Why would anyone want to deal with such a partner instead of just leaving and feeling free and happy?

@gkh2515 Ай бұрын

Gonna step back more and pray

@ielohim2423 5 ай бұрын

This is like trying to find the healthiest way to eat poison.

@romerlydramos 7 ай бұрын

HAD to let go (after literal years of relationship) but the part of addressing the issue not the person works on anyone, that really resonates xo

@chrisdigitalartist 9 ай бұрын

How to Deal with an Emotionally Immature Partner & When to Leave the relationship. Julia, thanks for bringing up this topic in today’s KZbin video. I am not in a romantic relationship; however, I think these things still relate to family members and friends. Here are my notes: * A relationship with an immature partner can leave you feeling lonely, isolating, not meeting your needs, not sure how to meet their needs. * We can't change anyone else, but we can have a managed mind to help change any situation. What to do: * What types of things are they immature about? * Don't be afraid of addressing the person's behavior. * Don't lose your "steady". Their immature response does not create yours. * Communicate what is okay with you, and what is not okay with you. (Clear, clean, and classy) * Open up conversations using language like: "There is an issue here. Let's Talk about it." * Reframe the problem as "The two of us against the issue." * Accept some differences. Notable Quotes: * "Resentment in a relationship is poison, and once enough resentment has been built it is almost impossible to recover from it." - Dr. John Gottman * "60 % of all conflict in relationships is unresolvable." - Dr. John Gottman

@lindab6974 9 ай бұрын

Set a timeline. Otherwise you're gonna get stuck being their mommy.

@ielohim2423 8 ай бұрын

or Daddy

@Gmw-gon 3 ай бұрын

@@ielohim2423absolutely, this isn’t solely an issue with men

@Clevelandsteamer324 9 ай бұрын

You leave. No one is going to change. Get out right away

@garycapili9193 2 ай бұрын

I broke up with my emotionally immature/narcissistic partner for 3 years because I'm exhausted mentally and physically. I don't know myself anymore, I lost a lot of weight and I'm constantly getting sick.

@tulsibloom 9 ай бұрын

Great video❤

@mochachaiguy 5 ай бұрын

Great point on resentment. For me, this has killed our sex life for the past 10 years.

@yaroslavlebed7964 7 ай бұрын

Thank you.

@bidbadgray 9 ай бұрын

I think I'm the immature one really

@vw3749 8 ай бұрын

Self realisation is the first step towards the healing proces❤ Namaste

@ArabaDowell 7 ай бұрын

This is great.

@aliahmedyacin721 9 ай бұрын

With one condition: That immature partner shouldn't be a narcissist. If he or she is a narcissist, you are in big trouble.

@Nick-kf3io 9 ай бұрын

It really doesn't matter though. If they're immature and show no willingness to learn or change, labeling them a narcissist or not doesn't really matter. All that matters is getting away from them with your sanity intact

@aliahmedyacin721 9 ай бұрын

@@Nick-kf3io You are right, Nick, 100%

@thewishingpooltarot5425 8 ай бұрын

Thank you Julia, this was really helpful. What I found useful is changing the perspective to we have an issue rather than you do this.

@percystreet 9 ай бұрын

Everything!!!!!………. Absolutely everything……………oh dear God………I think it is called covert narcissism

@APlaceToHeal-g7j 2 ай бұрын

I'm gonna echo most of the comments on here that it was completely impossible to communicate with my emotionally immature ex. By the end, I even read Non-Violent Communication and consistently followed the format in every conversation, but no matter how gentle and non-accusatory my start up it was always met with yelling, defensiveness, and stonewalling. I finally snapped and left, and even though I was in pain for many months over it, I realized it was the right decision. For her sake, I pray one day she changes, but I doubt she ever will...

@remydrh 5 ай бұрын

When trying to resolve conflict I try to reach for understanding. When I explain my part (intentions) so they know my reasoning I'm told I'm "defensive" despite the fact I'm open to changing my behavior. It's frustrating. I'm trying to open a dialogue so that we can understand each other's reasons and motivations. Knowing we aren't trying to be hurtful and maybe we're making bad assumptions. But constantly I'm told it's a defensive behavior. I should just accept I was "wrong" regardless of what I meant or intended.

@amari2aj553 12 күн бұрын

Because you're trying to explain yourself "give an excuse most times" instead of just listening that's why it comes off defensive

@remydrh 12 күн бұрын

@amari2aj553 No. I'm being told what I meant by the other person, "You were trying to..." And I am not. That's projection.

@amari2aj553 12 күн бұрын

@remydrh I'm just letting u know why it may come across that way whether your intentions were good or bad you don't always need to go on a full explanation of why/what your intentions were. Just acknowledge what their concern is and just say I'm sorry that wasn't my intention. Why do someone need to know your perspective if you aren't the one offended. That's like a purpose calling for an ambulance because their injured and the paramedics get there explaining why they were late arriving who cares they aren't the ones hurt

@amari2aj553 12 күн бұрын

@remydrh i can understand someone making an assumption that's wrong maybe they feel that way if it's a pattern you've displayed before as to why they believe your intentions were bad. Otherwise they are projecting

@remydrh 12 күн бұрын

@amari2aj553 It's not high on my list for someone to accuse me of malfeasance with impunity. I'm not talking about the little explanations (I'm late) I'm talking about the explanations where apparently it's assumed that I'm up to no good (I'm not late because I'm cheating on you.)

@aleenaadeel8470 Ай бұрын

Spoken felt heard

@ricklegendary2990 7 ай бұрын

i tried to comminicate about her emotional neglect, i dont say she does it, but she doesnt respond to my bid for affections, when i bring it up, she gets upset and says i always start things, thats the way she is, but she wasnt this way before.

@thebirima91 6 ай бұрын

That is the problem. It’s alike masking that avoidants and autistic people are capable of doing during courtship. Fair to say that I neglected some red flags too. However I could never have thought in my wildest dream in what situationship I find myself now.

@ricklegendary2990 6 ай бұрын

@@thebirima91 crazy right

@thebirima91 6 ай бұрын

@@ricklegendary2990 Yes!

@franslingerland1207 6 ай бұрын

not sure how to find "my last video" ... Can you link it directly under this video?

@petrabeuck1019 9 ай бұрын

Hi,Julia! I have not a Partner for a very long Time and looking not for one ! I AM NOT INTERESTING ON IT!

@faithlucy8538 3 ай бұрын

I feel that he avoids talking about deep things about intimacy and how i feel I feel bad because almost all responsibility of family is on me Is ok if i get him to watch these videos?

@TheSaboorAnsari Ай бұрын

Everything related to "US" is a fight. I always ask how can I improve myself (as a husband) and try to change my behavior and pamper her with whatever she says. In return, what do I get? Even for basic things like communication it's always a battle. It's like I'm fighting to make this relationship work for both of us and I'm fighting against her to save the relationship. 😏

@G0oNi.E 4 ай бұрын

How to handle an emotionally immature partner. Drop them, move on.

@PACKERMAN2077 3 ай бұрын

I am that emotionally immature partner and I could list a bunch of labels and excuses so I could help better explain my situation but the root of it is, what is the more mature person dropping the immature person causes that person to spiral into the drug and alcohol addiction or something like that because that's what happened my mom died and I crumbled. I lost my gf of 2½years with my bullshit depression spiral, she was already holding on by a thread being my bailout when I couldn't handle coping with living on my own that spontaneously

@PrashantSharma-xk3cy 9 күн бұрын

Would recommending them this video help them understand themselves and maybe work on it a little. Is it a good idea?

@JenCarnivalchaos 2 ай бұрын

Where is the line between emotional immaturity and verbal and emotional abuse?

@MEhealthcoach 29 күн бұрын

He hides so much. Lies to cover up infidelity. Makes promises but breaks them. He is as slippery as an eel! Will say whatever he thinks I want to hear, but his actions don't match his words.