6 career decisions I regret as a psychologist

[@drali]

What have you learned from your epic fails?

[@kaydence1000]

I learned to take time and make a choice instead of delaying the decision. 🙃

[@Boomkop3]

backup your files

[@frank1803]

I learned failing is okay.... l learned it is okay to be wrong. It pokes the 'ego' in the eye!

[@EnaTenkiyoGamer]

Telling the truth

[@haybale2211]

My biggest failure was depending on a psychological therapists like you for help. You do know that your entire field is a fraud right?

[@reallifepsych3309]

It’s so important to us when people that hold these positions are transparent. Understanding that everyone’s human goes a long way for everyone.

[@drali]

Thank you for your kind comment!

[@reallifepsych3309]

@@drali Thanks, your channel inspired mine. I hope one day we can work together!

[@jinvan3049]

This was so great. It's so easy to assume everyone else but me has figured everything out and to feel like I'm the only "failure and loser". But in reality, everyone struggles. Everyone fails. Life is HARD.

[@drali]

And I’d argue you can’t have long term success without failure, learning how to deal with that, and growing from it.

[@social142]

I applied for a not-very-selective second-year fellowship in social work school for which I was very qualified. I was rejected out of hand and had to scare up a second-year fellowship at a moment's notice. I was sent to a psychoanalytic institute, and was grateful to just have a place to hang my hat for the year. I still rent space from them twelve years later, and I am a very happy therapist now--which was not what I went to social work school to do! But god, was I mortified when I bombed that fellowship. Only eleven applicants for six spots, in a specialty in which I had spent the prior ten years volunteering! Luckiest miss of my life; it stung in the moment.

[@kairifan12]

I'm telling you, your transparency is helping SO many people. Your experience at St. E reminds me of am experience I had right after graduating. Man, if someone had spoken to me like this to let me know I'm not the only "failure," i would've been able to recover from that rut so much sooner and better. You're doing a great work here !

[@ruch123321]

Clicked on this video expecting it to be one of those cliched, motivational type videos, but I was blown away by your honesty here and could relate to a lot of the feelings you described! Keep doing more of these!

[@drali]

Haha, if you want those types of videos check out my early stuff. Glad you’re here and thanks for your kind comment!

[@dhruvivora9763]

This video puts many aspects into perspective and gives me a chance to think differently. Thanks for sharing !

[@drali]

Glad it resonated! Thank you for commenting!

[@nicoleonfeels]

Congrats on getting your 100K plaque! I think it’s always great to reflect on what didn’t go well, so that you can be better next time :)

[@drali]

Thank you!!!

[@care59801]

Thank you so much for your candor and I'm so sorry for your loss.

[@LovelyHaunting]

This is a great video idea. Others should do the same. Not only is it transparent but it levels the field and helps everyone feel more relatable and equal. It is also an equal give and take for connection to your followers. Thanks for the video.

[@drali]

Thank you for this kind comment!!!

[@LaneNorrisDayinALife]

just thinking about getting in to this feild and love how down to earth and giving u are and how welcoming you are to the feild and how open you are

[@jebatahsin3175]

Your channel is the BEST channel I have ever seen for Psychology.

[@firefly313]

This was massively helpful. As a Master of Social Work student training to become a mental health clinician (and considering additional coursework down the line to apply for an MS/PhD in Psychology), I have so much imposter syndrome and fear because of things like my debt and poor financial management, and other secret failures, that I've been thinking, "I can't become a clinician while failing in these areas... What will people think? What business would I have in the 'helping' role?" This video helped me realize that a) you can be a skilled clinician and still make big mistakes or struggle with other areas of your life, and b) that I can also (maybe) choose to start doing differently. So, thank you.

[@drali]

So happy to hear you found it helpful!

[@nightangeldk8967]

This is such an important video. It is, in my opinion, so important for people who are accomplished, to show that they didn't get there as an easy path, but that everything takes work and practice, and that there will be bumps on the road. That is what I like about you channel, that you don't try to give the impression of a person that got it all together, but show you are an actual human being, it makes it more relatable. And then there is the nerdiness, which makes it quirky and fun. LLAP and DFTBA Actual Doctor Ali 😉

[@drali]

Thank you!!!! There’s a lot of pressure to appear like you have it all together...but that doesn’t exist for anyone.

[@onlyallegra]

I am Bipolar. I am so emotional trying to find the right med combo and regulate myself that I could pass for Borderline. I hated some of my professors. One was semi racist and another was a pompous bully talking about his education at Stanford all the time as if he wanted us to worship him like he worshiped professor. That professor tried to kick me out of the class when he found out I was auditing a class. I had already taken the class at community college, but was weak on a bulk of the chapters. So, I thought this was a good idea, to make sure I didn't have gaps with him next year. But, this jerk cornered me into a piano six inches away from my face asking in a threatening way if we could see his boss, my academic advisor. Jerk complained that at Standard professors could drop anyone and he didn't think he got paid for people auditing his class. I had to start therapy, had nervous breakdowns, was forced to quit his class after he kept making me do mandatory meetings about staying in the classroom. And, not once did I ever put on a professor's review that the person should not be a professor ever. Very few people break down as much as I do, and I even got the professor to compliment me on my music arrangements. Having someone who hated me and graded my compositions with high marks was the highest compliment. Thanks to him, I switched from voice to music arranging to graduate when I lost my voice. Never would have had the confidence if he wouldn't have been an excellent teacher even though the rest of the class fired him in reviews for personality issues. Perhaps you took some with a 4.0 or someone near high marks down with a lower grade. But, from someone who overreacts a lot - I think you didn't ruin their life. You just ruined their ideal of what they hoped to be and achieve.

[@spice8831]

Love your authenticity.

[@shrutisinha5288]

Thank you sir for motivating me and many others to not be scared of making a mistake.

[@seanmcg1122]

I really appreciate your humility and vulnerability. As a Licensed Psychologist myself, I can only imagine what you must of gone through, mostly on your own from the sound of it, with your brother’s suicide and your dissertation challenges...and, yet, still graduate and obtain your license. Graduate school is hard enough on its own! What an incredible example of fortitude, perseverance in the face of immense adversity, and willingness to face one’s struggles. Thank you for your work and I value your mission in this KZbin channel.

[@MnjikaningGurl]

I love how real you are. Thank you so much for being honest!

[@shivanandsivanesan6016]

Great video Dr Ali I loved the part where you mentioned that it is not about being liked by your patients but it is important to build that trust between you and your patient. Congrats on hitting 100k subscribers

[@donbitos8162]

Congratulations and thank you for sharing your failures with us. Your failures made me realized that I am not alone and for me to become someone that I always dreamed, I have to fail 1st. Most of psychologist out there just share their success not their failures and it hurts because you ask yourself if you'll ever be in their position. So thank you so much for this video. May God bless you!

[@drali]

Thank you so much for your kind comment!

[@MagisterialVoyager]

I agree! ❤️

[@Jessica-sp6rt]

Treasure your failures. They teach us so much. Thanks for sharing. I don't have any intentions of becoming a therapist, but learning from a therapist is very valuable to me for furthering my abilities to empathize and understand other people better.

[@beatricegobbini1957]

i usually never comment but i just wanted to thank you for all the work you put into doing these videos. your advice has helped me a lot and listening you talk ab certain topics really makes me feel understood and not alone. and also congrats on the 100k :)

[@drali]

Thanks for the taking the time to share this, Beatrice! It means the world to me and helps me to keep making more videos.

[@themenslifelineacademy]

Thank you for sharing as mental health providers we often don't share our challenges and failures that made us who we are today. I am a Master's Level Social Worker but have minor in psychology. I am glad that you are able to share and encourage others to learn from mistakes. Keep up the great work and congrats on the silver play button.

[@JelenaMSiv]

Thank you fo this honest, raw, personal story. Being human makes you prone to failure, but certainly relevant to all of us fellow humans.

[@HIDDENADHD]

I *love* the vulnerability. So good!!

[@drali]

Thanks for being here and sharing your kind comment!

[@H.O.P.E222]

You’re brave and I appreciate your honesty!!

[@ashbrown2000]

I really love the genuine honesty and openness of this video, thanks for sharing!

[@ElBoyoElectronico]

My biggest regret is probably waiting too long to get in true contact with my own emotions. Such an honest and valuable video! I am also a psychologist, who does KZbin, but I am doing drumcovers, which is a nice change of pace for me. I hope your channel will become even bigger. You have such a kind and honest way of communicating, I really admire that.

[@karlin2222]

Thank you for sharing such vulnerable moments in your life. Thank you kindly!

[@SlavZhelev]

You are so so amazing! Thanks for sharing, this video is a masterpiece.

[@evelinepieternella8088]

This was actually so inspiring to listen to! I struggle with a lot of anxiety and I recognized so many of the behaviors you described that lead to trouble down the line. Honestly, it's really nice to know I'm not the only one. To me, a couple of these fails really weren't as bad as you described them. For example, the student loan world is so predatory, it's really not fair to yourself to put all the blame of that onto yourself, though I totally get why you'd feel that way. Also, I actually think it's really cool that you had so much dedication and conviction to make a video, even if it didn't work out. The fact that you took all those steps alone is pretty awesome imo!

[@sahilswarnakar6693]

Loved this video, sir. Congrats on getting your yt silver play button

[@miaashly7]

This video was great! Thank you for sharing your failures with us as you continue to grow and expand your successes.

[@drali]

Thank you!!!

[@antoniawilson8191]

This is great, thanks for being brave and sharing. Failures are more valuable than successes.

[@je2740]

Oh you deserve more views. You're great.

[@BALTHAZAAR58]

The parts about dissertation and student loans hit painfully close to home.

[@Vyanne84]

This was so healing to watch. I'm very glad I discovered your channel.

[@nupurladdha1819]

‘Celebrating all the failures which have led to this success today!’ You’re such an admirable human being Dr Ali. Picked up a lot from your personal journey! 😊

[@yumengzhao5111]

This is the video that makes me wanna stick around and subscribe. Thanks for being so open with your failures and sharing them with such honesty. Your willingness to share your vulnerability and let people see the real you, and stand up from your obstacles is so inspirational!

[@beckyoconnor0302]

I am going to use this video with my high school students for all the life lessons packed in there. Thanks!!

[@mystickahayag]

Your honesty and humanity are inspiring. You are such a role model.

[@PK-yb1vm]

Thanks

[@drali]

No problem!

[@yuxianli3756]

No offense to your other video but doc, this is perhaps my favorite video of yours! Look how far you have come from just a year ago. Congrats on 216K, and I'm grateful for the youtube algorithm recognizing you and pushing your video to me. My epic failure is giving up on my second BA dissertation. I had so much depression and criticism for not being good enough about - honestly, a vague sense of everything - that I failed to get my degree and furthermore felt like a failure. Now I regret it and understand how perfectionism can jeopardize what I want in life.

[@jackconte7993]

Super video! I applauded for $5.00 👏👏

[@drali]

Yay! Thank you!!!!

[@je2740]

My epic fail is saying yes to doing tasks that I can't complete because I have too much to do already. I also have to be compassionate about my limitations as a person with a disability I'm constantly trying to compare myself to others and instead of trying to blaze my own path figuratively speaking.

[@cactusblossom7210]

I have some lecturers who I look up to. Their knowledge and confidence astounds me and makes them appear superhuman. It wasn’t until I got on the same train and had a conversation with this person, who was essentially my idol, that I realised they were a human being as well. That realisation of humanity allowed me to relate to them more, and their knowledge and status seemed achievable to me. This video does much the same.

[@chrysoulajiffypop3517]

You are 2 good to upload this!!!

[@Momin_Azam]

Great to see you again! Congrats btw! Also, please upload more, I wanna see more videos, they’re amazing!

[@lisawilliams6832]

I’m a new counselor that just graduated in August and because I’m not currently working due to Covid I’m terrified that I’m going to lose my skills and screw up when I start working

[@BALTHAZAAR58]

You won't lose all your skills, but you are definitely going to screw up at least a few times. That's not a bad thing, though! I've found that my screw-ups have been some of the richest veins in therapy, and I'm sure you've seen the same thing. Especially with patients who are used to the people in their lives refusing to take responsibility for their own screw-ups, or even refusing to acknowledge the hurt they've caused. Addressing and repairing the rupture can be so healing. Congratulations on graduating!

[@chrisgalindo3055]

Due to struggles w unknown anxiety and other mental health issues, I failed two colleges and thought I’ll never be able to help people in psychology type jobs. Recently, I proved that wrong by graduating as a peer support specialist and it’s given me to confidence to fill out my fafsa to complete the last 3 classes for my psych degree. Life finds a way to get you want you want in unexpected ways.

[@WhatsTherapy]

Thanks for sharing

[@drali]

Thank you!!

[@beserilheleynamarie7005]

your channel helps me so much!

[@drali]

Thank you!!! This means a lot to me!

[@WordsPictures997]

This was such a sobering and helpful video. Thank you so much Dr. Mattu! And congratulations on all the success!!! 🍾🥂💃💃💃

[@drali]

Thank you and I’m happy you found it helpful!!!

[@marjoleinvaningen7686]

Congrats on the 100k, but it would have been so much more satisfying if you hung up the award at the same level as the picture next to it!😂 It is refreshing to hear a therapist admit that they are human too. My biggest mistake in therapy was/is telling my therapist what i think they want to hear/expect me to say. Realised that this week, feels like I wasted 10 years of therapy (i know i didnt, but it feels that way though)

[@drali]

Haha, my wife noticed that too and I’ve since moved the award. I’ve also made the same mistake in my therapy. Took me a long time to learn how to be honest with myself.

[@SaraBethAllen]

Thank you for sharing the brave part about your brother.

[@nanettej9760]

Thank you for sharing!

[@Gryffindorgirl31]

Great video! Can you talk about failures with clients? I'm a new MSW and I have so much fear about messing up with clients

[@beautepley8352]

Dr. Ali Mattu, I love your videos! Congrats on that sweet plaque.

[@steve.m7443]

oh wow, nice to see you in a vid again. Thanks for the great videos!

[@Boomkop3]

3:38 tip for next time: apologise for your mistake, tell her she can deliver late but make clear that this is an exception to the rule.

[@drali]

For the next semester I made a clear policy on late assignments. Any assignment could be turned in late but there would be a reduction in points.

[@TM-rk5dj]

Fantastic vid

[@drali]

Thank you!!!

[@betty39031]

I appreciate your honesty so much

[@christianwatson8027]

Great to see a new video! More please!

[@ahagotcha]

Thank thank you for making this video. I am someone with undiagnosed ADHD and pursuing clinical psychology as a career. I was Lucky to have work with others in dissertation but my past failure make me feel to huge of the amount will never about to achieve success. I don't have qualifications for the same way my neurotypical peers have in their shining resume. I cry everytime if i meant for success though your video actually remind that their are failure behind success. I don't know how to handle failure. I make excuse for everything but I want to better myself.

[@charlesbelanger924]

Thx for everything, im am in my first course of psychology right now in part because of you

[@kaydence1000]

It is better to have tried, failed and learn from it than not even giving myself a chance.

[@drali]

💯

[@krisonaga6569]

Thank you for your transparency! This helped so much!

[@sheinagodovich3540]

As someone who looks up to you, this video is so validating! I know that exact dissertation deadline and also took another year because it would have been too stressful to try to cram it in with everything else in my life, even as most of my cohort applied to internship the year before me. A clinical epic fail I think about a lot is clumsily addressing cultural differences with patients. I am pretty confident one patient didn’t return specifically because of how awkwardly I tried to address that. I have improved over time, but that’s still something I’m working on. The lesson is definitely that if I’m anxious about it, that is communicated to the patient as this area being unsafe - the exact opposite of what I’m going for but something I need to be aware of to reach my actual goal.

[@LifeinGlow]

Thank you for sharing! And I can so much relate to the credit situation, even if I did not go the traditional education route, it is so easy to overspend on courses and workshops and with the monthly & business expenses on top, add to that personal therapy & supervision, it is really a challenge.

[@tyjanaeorr5398]

this was very needed and i think you connected with us on a different level with this. :)

[@paulastella8268]

I m doing EMDR at present. It is hard and I am wanting to run out of the office mostly. I haven't done that. My therapist is pushy,he laughs at me when I tell him so. He told me sometimes we have to do hard things. I have CPTSD. It's hard to trust but he has to reinforce the fact that I am safe in his office,and that his job is NOT to keep me comfortable.

[@et4213]

My journey in psychology has been plagued by my own epic character flaws, I’ve learned so much along the way, but it took me a long long time. Trying to go it alone is a terrible idea for cracking the code or path to professional practice I’d imagine in any career. I consider myself highly intelligent, but I was inept when it came to assertiveness and asking for real help. Intelligence isn’t enough. Hard work and willingness to admit limits and reach out is so much healthier. So I’m in my early 40’s practicing under supervision at the masters level in psychology which is allowed in my state. Knowing all I do now, I would say read read read, and ask ask ask, along with hard work. I’d definitely skipped the masters program and applied myself toward preparation for a PhD. Seems out of reach at this point in life. Very difficult to do with family and financial obligations. Start early if possible.

[@SunShine-qk4rb]

Awesome.congratulations

[@melaniesinclair5382]

Great video that does a great job of humanizing psychologists. Enjoyed how you used examples from different areas and times of your life. I can very much relate to the "just don't open the mail" strategy of dealing with bills; I did that for about 5 years after grad school.

[@craigrichardson1196]

Congrats, Ali!

[@shrutisinha5288]

Thank you for making this video. One of my epic fails was failing my AS and A level exams in a subject like English language which is considered a very menial subject in a country like India It impacted the way college HODs viewed me as to what kind of student I would be But I am glad the way things are going on, they are way different that they were a few years back.

[@Sidekick_Snowman]

My mentor explained my thesis the way you explained your second dissertation. Great advice!

[@madhawarock]

Ali, your videos have always inspired me! So, keep up the great work and thank you very much!

[@idamarx4363]

Art therapist here. I have the same student loan debt, and we don't have the earning potential to pay them back, so it is quite hellish 😕

[@drali]

It’s a massive generational burden for us 😞

[@healthprojecttv5008]

Great information your are sharing. Let's keep educating on Mental Health

[@betsywilliamsonasmr]

I really appreciate you talking about all of your grad school fails. I can feel many of them. You really made me feel much better about my student loan situation. I definitely did save some money as I got two graduate degrees at the same time. That part not a fail. But I took out extra money that I didn’t or shouldn’t have either. Thanks for sharing. Also, I am in the process of applying to a clinical psychology program. But I have no plans to take out any loans. I have a plan in place just to pay it out of pocket.

[@Leo-iq7um]

thank you sir . u are the best

[@renees1922]

Long time no see, I wanted to be a psychologist since grade 9 or 8, and I'm grade 11 now and I'm not 100% sure now, but so far psychology is the best for me but I am worried about jobs and such due to what's going on now

[@dione6388]

exact same situation here !

[@cactusblossom7210]

I went into psych thinking I wanted to be a psychologist. I didn’t really know of all the different careers there were, and how flexible a degree in psychology is. There’s a lot of different applications for the skills and curiosity you have, but I can understand your trepidation here.

[@aleksandrazdravkovic9159]

For the teaching psychology part, I think the outcome of that scenario was much better than if you were to allow her to do as she pleases. Simply because after you told her that, she stayed in the class and actually listened to something that could have been of some use to her, compared to her leaving and not being able to listen to the lecture from you. It might have been greedy from her side to care about her grades more than learning something during class (which is the point of her being there in the first place). In a bizarre way, I think your mistake was actually better than the "right choice". Also, there is no amount of preparation that can make you ready for something such as working with people. Every experience is different and I think you did good by following your gut feeling.

[@Graghma]

Only by knowing what was wrong with my brain was I able to then focus on recognizing when things are getting off and doing something different until that became (slowly) natural.

[@Graghma]

You wouldn't have to regret it if you knew why it was wrong so you can know how to do it right next time? Like, you knew the student wasn't lying and so you gave them a pass. Yes it was them getting special treatment, but they did something to earn that trust. Is that really so bad? Even if it wasn't a good student, why not do that? You will be able to tell if they rushed it in the time it takes to run home after class and get it... Helping someone when they are in need b/c they messed up shouldn't be a bad thing? Yes if they lied or do it regularly you'd wanna get them to change...

[@whyisgamora4191]

Thanks for this video. It becomes easy to feel like you're not good enough or too stupid when you make a mistake in an environment where everyone hides their mistakes like in academia & professional workfields.

[@kritikasharma6846]

Thank you for being honest!!!💗

[@myrandaashlee7092]

I am a Psych Major & my interests are in personality disorders, depression, and suicide. Can you do a video on narcissistic personality disorder & histrionic personality disorder? Your videos are so helpful!

[@22lostservice]

Too many failures to really point to just one but I will say a thing you mentioned in the video is what I have learned from just about all of them. I have had to define what success is for me rather than basing it on what I think other people might see as success or even what they have told me they see as success. Best example is my grandfather who raised me. He expected I'd go to college get a degree of some kind and get a solid career. He never finished high school but he had the benefit of getting in to good labor unions early in life. Like the 1950s. I however am a millennial with General Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Depression and I'm probably on the Autism spectrum. I did eventually get an A.A. at the age of 35 but none of the things I thought I would do as a career are really things can do. There is always some part of who I am that makes it a bad idea for me to pursue. So I have had to figure what really is success to me versus what my grandfather thought was success. I have a good chooses family, a roof over my head, food on my table and I get to do many things that I love. I do a pretty basic job 9-5 but it one I found I'm suited for and a boss who understands my needs. Mental Health days are a valid reason to take a day off in my work. For me this is success. To my grandfather it looks like laziness and doing just enough but not trying hard. I don't talk to him much anymore because he makes me feel like a failure when I know I'm not.

[@Ai-io9ir]

Thank you for sharing this!! I felt that failure is not something that we talk often. Especially in a very competitive environment like mine (and maybe yours too), success is often defined as the only option if you want to be able to compete with others in life. It made me develop a very bad mentality though. I became afraid to make mistakes and to fail. I developed anxiety due to being a perfectionist and idealist because I didn't want others to find out what's lacking in me. I put my own standard of perfection so high that I wasn't able to get anything done and when I wasn't able to achieve what I expected myself to achieve, suddenly I felt so incompetent. In a short period of time, I don't see myself as having "the ability" to do anything in life and I start seeing other people as much more superior than me. I went from one extreme to the other end of extreme and man I tell you it was so exhausting 😁 I am afraid of failure because I had the tendency to assume that I will always be successful. Hence, I have never prepared the possibility of myself ever failing. I have only prepared myself to be successful haha. Such a bad combination I have (Perfectionism+Idealism+Fear of failure+Anxiety) Just recently I find myself come in to term that I will do something in my ability and I'll embrace failure (if I fail) rather than "running around" trying to avoid it. I will try to focus on the task I'm doing WITHOUT overassuming that it will go smoothly and successfully. I'll see what happen then.. 😌 Sorry for the long rant. Enjoy your life everyone~

[@hilaryhandy5030]

Man, the part about student loans got me. I was the same way in grad school. No one talked to us about what it meant to take all of these loans.

[@drali]

I think it was true for a whole generation of grad students

[@loosi_goosi]

i dont know if you have already, but can you please talk about how people online claim, “psychology says...” that isnt really evidence or fact based? or like all of those “you might have adhd if you have read books as a kid.” just really normal things some times. like if we did that to other sciences, like, “if you have ever tripped, you may have a broken leg.” i would love to hear your perspective on this sort of phenomenon

[@XSemperIdem5]

Oh, you had to go there. The student loans. I used part of mine for cost of living too and L.A. isn't cheap either.

[@Tinyteacher1111]

You just described my grown son! Why can’t we have doctors like you here? He also tried to commit suicide a few months ago. I’m so very sorry about your loss!

[@ericcrawford4820]

Congratulations

[@dione6388]

good video :)

[@drali]

Thank you!

[@orsettomorbido]

I learned that recognizing failures is one thing, tackling everything that prevents me from growing after failing is totally another thing and it's hard as life itself. And i have SO MUCH to learn that probably, when I will finally be what i want to be (if i manage to understand that 100%, and to be that person), i won't even be totally happy, because of all the lost years. I'm also going to therapy for that, don't worry XD I'm working on a lot of stuff about myself.

[@maislazkani8577]

Please do a video about is it ok and ethical to follow my therapist on social media?