How to listen like a therapist: 4 secret skills

[@karinblak6387]

I'm a therapist, and I HATE the "and how does that make you feel" too. I believe it is a limiting question which doesn't actually allow the client to talk about their full experience. "What was/is that like for you?" is open to any answer when we can then work with and narrow down in whichever direction the client needs to take it. And ... I'm loving your videos! :)

[@drali]

100% agree!!! Thanks for taking the time to comment. Hope you are staying safe and healthy during this time.

[@Jhen1122]

My counselor keep asking me that. And i dont know what to say

[@Styles.rp25]

Yes, that saying is so Cliche, ugh. I avoid it as well.

[@Angelamarie2330]

same!!!!! Absolutely cannot stand "how does that make you feel"

[@jamesjdm]

I'm a therapist and I agree. I rank it up there with "I understand". Not my favorite phrase lol

[@Mushroom321-]

" get comfortable being uncomfortable = "Consistent with your values.. " 😃 GREAT EXPLAINING!!

[@anniea3411]

Not only are you an awesome psychologist, you're also very engaging and FUN to listen to. I hope to be a clinical psychologist like you!

[@drali]

Awww thank you!!!!

[@miou4u]

Ambivalence "talked" to my heart 🤣 Great video!!

[@jagnoork6013]

Me too! I want to be a clinical psychologist too 💕

[@dameanvil]

01:21 🎯 Therapist's secret skill #1: Reflect back what the other person is saying to show you're listening, increase empathy, and clarify understanding. 03:20 🧠 Instead of asking "How does that make you feel?" ask how the person is experiencing the situation to better understand their emotions and thoughts. 05:33 🌟 Practice validation to help the person understand that their feelings and experiences are valid, regardless of whether they make sense to you. 07:06 🤔 Understand ambivalence: Recognize when someone is torn between wanting to make a change and facing barriers. Ask what benefits they find in their current situation.

[@sula1529]

Thank you so much ❤❤❤❤

[@Joy-tp8zu]

Thank you! I was going to recommend taking notes on the video because that is usually helpful but you summed it all up so nicely there making it so much easier for everyone to do just that.

[@ostclanadventures]

Thank you!

[@amarnandyala2800]

You are both a genius and a caring person to do this, thank you! :-)

[@peach3813]

This helped me understand my therapists intentions from their actions. When they clarify, I felt hurt that they compressed my issues into a couple of sentences as if it’s not that big. But now knowing it’s coming from a place of listening and meaning of understanding, I don’t feel angry anymore lol

[@joyking2231]

Cool, love freedom from even a pain filled MISUNDERSTANDING.

[@jcr3500]

This is an important thing for therapists to understand. I think I would feel this way too.

[@graceg3250]

Maybe voice your interpretations with your therapist

[@maelaine6266]

I've always felt this way too! Had no idea there was an explanation for it

[@Malexa32001]

❤❤❤

[@carmendevine7244]

I know some therapists who frequently validate pretty much anything people say, I always feel "handled" it's an obvious technique and it makes them so much harder to trust or relate to

[@Seremonii]

Exaclty! Don't be on my side just for the heck of it. "How does that make you feel" is a good question to me.

[@HelenCamile63]

We have a new HR guy like that. I’ll say, “I’m going to lunch.” And he’ll say, “So what I heard you say is that you’re going to lunch, is that correct?” I feel manipulated.

[@Monicalala]

Relax the urge to be so hostile about this

[@gardenjoy5223]

@@Monicalala No, she should take it seriously. Because she lays the finger at the right spot: being 'handled' by some technique. This is what needs to be brought up with the therapist. When the therapist gets all defensive about it, that's not a good therapist! A good one ought to be able to explain why and what the benefit is to the client. And just validating a feeling has little worth, if the actions after are not explored for their value to the client. "So you felt really anxious because he took the praise, that belonged to you?" is nice. But one cannot leave it there. One must explore why it was anxiousness in the first place and how that anxious feeling led the client to withdraw, where he/she ought to have stood up for him/herself. About 75% of the success of therapy is depending upon the relationship with the therapist. If something stands in the way of trusting the therapist, it automatically is an important issue. It's the hub everything revolves around! If that is not addressed and/or not solved, a change of therapist is needed. You cannot benefit from therapy from someone you don't even trust.

[@susantompkins4254]

I've just past a pychotherapy exam at 63 years old. I feel like I'm too old, my only regret is that I wished I did this years ago because I would love to be as good and confident as you and to help so many people. Thank you for all of your great advice 👍 I'm continuing learning as much as I can because I'm loving it 😀

[@bryanferguson4927]

That's great Susan! I'm right behind you at 54 years old and getting my Master's in counseling. Your life experiences will add a TON as a therapist.

[@susantompkins4254]

@@bryanferguson4927 congratulations for achieving your maters degree, I'm so very happy for you, and a bit jealous 😀 I think it good people like you that keeps the word going

[@JoBrew]

Well done Susan, I have similar concerns about being ‘too old’. I’m a university undergrad doing a major in psychology. I have an honours year after I finish my degree before I can even begin a masters program. I’ll be 55 by the time I have finished!

[@bryanferguson4927]

@@JoBrew You're brave and you can do it. I'll be finished with my master's at 56. I placed a large sign on the wall, above my computer, when I finally decided to go back to school and follow my dream. It reads, "WHATEVER IT TAKES..."

[@anthonyharmon9265]

Student loan debt after 50 is a nightmare scenario.....as is the reality you'll pay on it for the rest of your life 🙄

[@le_th_]

I do this all the time with toddlers and little kids (in a very kind, empathic tone). This is why they adore me. I'm not special, I simply listen, validate their feelings, and sometimes I ask them if they can do something else next time, if its appropriate to the situation and they need redirection.

[@rsh793]

Especially important for children that age to be heard and validated in their feelings - so love that and it's so lovely to hear. Kids love to be treated like that and heard and it helps them learn early too x

[@kentbyron7608]

thank you for sharing! Very insightful.

[@amrutamahajan9627]

I work as a Therapist, and while I understand the intention of this video is to make people more aware about listening skills - I feel that these tips are more for the role of a therapist than a friend / acquaintance. If I were to have a discussion with a friend and they ask me "where do you feel that in your body" that does not make any sense. Let relationships be relationships without having the need to "therapize" them.

[@danielmiller2886]

That's a reasonable point, but I would suggest that almost everyone can use this in certain relationships; parents, spouses and very close friends. Coaching is a very big part of my job, so there are specific times that this concept is useful.

[@aldorado123]

Good point. There are instances too, like with a parent - child relationship that a parent needs to be in a position of guidance, as well as listening. Therapists may not be allowed to lead a child in a particular good direction (these days at least) whereas a parent has an obligation to form their child too, outside of just listening, (e.g. moral formation) in a way that a therapist may not feel they have the place to do.

[@Momiji-e8k]

I don't know if my friend is autistic or what but he has no listening skills at all and the people skills are even worse. He is so frustrating to be with at times. I wish he would listen to this video.

[@Momiji-e8k]

​@@aldorado123Absolutely

[@Sheila-sv1ue]

​@@Momiji-e8kMaybe you can just be a friend? Because being autistic is a burden people carry so maybe you can bear part of that burden.

[@divergentone777]

Some people do see validation as approval, and some people don't want to work through their experiences, but rather voice them over and over again to seek more validation

[@LyrixNChill]

This right here. Had a friend who always painted herself as a victim to anyone who would listen. But the minute anyone try to dig deeper into her narrative, she would shut down the conversation and go complain to someone else who didn’t realize she was making up 80% of her stories

[@Lennythewinner]

And such people are so exceedingly tiresome.

[@divergentone777]

@@Lennythewinner AMEN TO THAT!

[@IdowhatIwant8]

I always thought they were stuck on me telling them my past and issues. Then I got my files and read through them. They thought I was stuck on that same issue and were trying to move me along . I don’t do subtle very well. Or reason between the lines. I quit going because I wasn’t being g “helped” I was just reliving my trauma. So some of us do need to be told what to do or spoken to in a this is your issue this is what you do kind of sad

[@DCH_420]

From my understanding, therapists also use other skills like self disclosure. Empathetic listening is just one skill from the toolkit towards making someone make change.

[@phyoewaipaing6670]

What you didn't mention in this video is you used your voice tone beautifully and I'm sure it must help a lot when you meet with the patients. Thank you sir.

[@drali]

Timestamps: 0:10 - Introduction to active listening skills 1:22 - Reflect back what you hear 3:08 - Ask “What is this like for you?” 5:23 - Validation 8:04 - Understand ambivalence (motivational interviewing) 10:39 - When to do these skills and why they are hard 11:15 - Therapist secrets playlist: kzbin.info/aero/PLItaCgXIQkHefVtJ4xObrbLipU5dds0ae 11:34 - Get comfortable being uncomfortable weekly challenge & comment of the week 13:27 - Additional video resources - How to deal with emotions in a healthy way: kzbin.info/www/bejne/lYHbimCJhayfatk - How to overcome anxiety with exposure: kzbin.info/www/bejne/emHTqXijma2fp9U 13:35 - My Get comfortable being uncomfortable goal 14:49 - Thank you for an awesome 2019!

[@bobcunningham6953]

Yeah, that looks like a topic list for future videos. Each of these is worth unpacking on its own.

[@drali]

+Bob Cunningham that’s a great point! Each one could be a separate video.

[@bobcunningham6953]

@@drali There is so much depth here to explore, yet many of us need skills we can apply today. I have no idea how you will strike that balance, but I'm here for the duration. It's like I want the "tricks" that will help me "get by" now, while simultaneously wanting the deeper knowledge that will help me understand what's "really" going on for the long haul.

[@slxbeats8146]

@@bobcunningham6953 same

[@jonnyhtcdesire]

I really enjoyed this video. Are there any awesome books you'd recommend for a beginning therapist in training stage?

[@hangry_panda]

I'm getting my ph.d. in clinical psycology, these will be soooo useful for me in the future. Thank you so much!!!

[@aadityamenon8774]

Melissa Silenzio from which uni?? I am planning to do masters in clinical psychology and then phd in the same.

[@angerodz6782]

Same, currently feel like I'm struggling in first sessions technique because I'm overthinking too much.

[@gardenjoy5223]

I am utterly amazed at reading your comment. How can someone be a psychologist and not even have these very basic skills, that are taught in the very first semester of the very first year of a Bachelor Degree in Social Work? That are practiced there, until all students are familiar with them?

[@sebastian_goat]

the “validation” piece is interesting-i think you need to be careful with that one. you don’t want to be the one ALWAYS validating them or they won’t learn how to have confidence in their own experiences. Exceptions I can think of are people who have experienced abuse/trauma and don’t trust their own feelings, and teens/kids who don’t have an understanding of “normal” or “appropriate” reactions.

[@hildayacoubian9312]

It’s so true that what you thought was important as a therapist was not an important aspect for the patient. As a patient I’ve experienced that, so it definitely is great when they reflect back, because we all have our schemas and tend to interpret events through those. ♥️

[@drali]

Thanks for sharing this perspective! Good to hear it’s true on both ends 🙌🏽

[@SharlenesJourney]

I’m a listener and I love listening to people a lot of people are very smart and already know what they need to do I love to validate them and make them understand that they’re on the right path listening is so helpful a lot of us just have so much in our head but once talking it out you begin to analyze and put pieces together 😊 I’m also an empath so I think this plays a huge part in it I hate seeing people sad or down we are not here to be anxious but here to just live our life and overcome our obstacles

[@CommentThere]

So correct 💯 , I'm not a therapist but I just wanted to be better at listening

[@OziahPrime]

I adopted this into my sales interactions. It works for me when dealing with Lost Accounts and frustrated customers.

[@mugishagisa4884]

It works better in hospitality industry

[@OziahPrime]

@@mugishagisa4884 possibly. Not my concern nor industry. Nonetheless, it’s a good framework to use and adopt to your liking.

[@lorn4867]

❤ It is nice to hear from someone on the other side of the customer service line. Respect for dealing with us at our worst.

[@justinking4172]

I’m a grad student and just found this guy. He’s a likeable KZbinr and seems like a great communicator. I just subscribed and I’ll be using his channel as an additional resource - I’m currently taking Techniques class and start my practicum in January so I’m trying to absorb and practice some of these skills he’s talking about

[@ness3700]

I’m a therapist for a year and a half now and it comes naturally:)

[@drali]

💯! Once you’ve been doing it for awhile it feels as natural as walking.

[@ness3700]

The Psych Show thank you. Everyday is a learning experience. I enjoy your videos! I am currently pre-license and I enjoy learning from other therapist who have amazing information, not only for newbies but for the public in general. Keep up the good work !

[@drali]

Thank YOU so much for your encouragement and kind words! Any type of videos you’d like to see in the future? Good luck on your journey. Hope you get a good self care break over the next two weeks.

[@fetilu0975]

What kind of approach do you use ?

[@drali]

My specialty is anxiety and I’m trained as a cognitive behavioral therapist (emphasis on the behavioral).

[@payalsingh360]

I used to volunteer at a crisis hotline, and this was the exact training I was provided while working there. It works beautifully, but I've always struggled to apply this in my personal life

[@lyinbobbycottonseed]

I’ll help you out with in, my sister

[@gregorymoon]

I will practice. I will reflect back to the other person. Reflect what they said. No interruptions. Empathy and understanding. Am I hearing you right? To know what you are experiencing. You have to care to become a shared understanding - notes I took from your video. What's life like for you? Is this the general norm for everyone. Probably. we all suffer like this - wow - that's great to understand that now.

[@jamesjdm]

I'm a licensed therapist and I really love your videos! I'm a big believer in practicing nthe fundamentals to avoid the "expert mind" and your video really helps me remember some of the most powerful basic tools we can utilize to connect with and understand our clients! Thanks!!

[@ireb3l]

Im a first year psychology student and these videos are not only motivational but full of useful information that we can learn from. Please don’t stop posting such amazing content.

[@izabelarzodkiewicz2839]

Hi, it's been 2 years since you commented this, but I wanted to ask (if it's okay with you) how is it going with your studies?

[@ireb3l]

@@izabelarzodkiewicz2839 Hi, I’m still a second year student and its going really well because I’m passionate about it :)

[@dpeterman945]

"What's going on in your body? " instead of "how do you feel?". Brilliant. I've just finished a long chunk of therapy and this approach is so much more useful. For me, it gets me out of my head and gives way more information.

[@punkhead-dv9lg]

I am personally in high school but have friends who have a lot of mental stuff. I try to help and I am trying to give the best amount of help I could with my knowledge

[@xoKaylaMay]

Have you ever cried during a session listening to someone's situation? If so, how do you control yourself in that moment?

[@the.punkmonk]

Personally, I actually allow myself to cry along with the other person -- I find that mirroring their feelings and validating their experience is an INCREDIBLY powerful tool if used properly. I never force tears, though -- they have to come genuinely -- and with practice have become able to remain present and grounded enough not to let my own emotions run away with me and steal the other person's thunder. Crying is incredibly cathartic and I wish there wasn't so much shame around it! Some of my own favorite therapists have allowed themselves to shed tears in the room with me. I'm an executive/business coach myself, not a therapist, so am curious what Dr Mattu has to say on this subject.

[@ivy3986]

@@the.punkmonk love this, I've had my therapist cry while I was speaking and honestly made me feel like they were really listening, empathetic, and like I shouldn't continue to suppress emotions.

[@naturallyours21]

I'm also curious about this response. Personally, I remember being in session with a new therapist who started crying while I worked through the grief of losing my father. Seeing her cry was the most distracting thing for me and instead of being able to remain fully in emotions and process, I found myself trying to console her and deal with her response. Long story short, I thought it was best to find a different therapist.

[@the.punkmonk]

@@naturallyours21 so, there are different levels of crying. I will allow myself to empathize with my clients and let my eyes get moist or a year or two to fall. But I *always* hold the stronger frame and keep the spotlight squarely on them. My function is to help them co-regulate, and not steal their thunder. If your therapist was taking over the room with their feelings, sounds totally right that you went looking for someone else. (It took me a long while to find a therapist that meet my high standards too, and it's been totally worth it!)

[@naturallyours21]

@@the.punkmonk I hear you and agree that it can be a useful approach to supporting some people. This example was my first experience working with a therapist. I am an empath and I'm very sensitive when it comes to the emotions of other people. Knowing the kind of support I needed, this particular person wasn't the best fit for me, but I was able to find a different therapist who was able to hold space for me in the way that I needed.

[@Ruby_V_]

I _love_ how you relate the example statements/questions with their functions. At least 10 times through this video I had excited thought--"that way of communicating that is so perfect!" and naturally I have to write them all down and try practicing them now.

[@gracekihu3761]

Trying the same. Its difficult to write while he is talking, I wish there was a script. This is so helpful. I am doing counselling and psychotherapy and I am finding this video so helpful. I want to capture each and every word..incredible.

[@wholelottamukbang3187]

im in school for psychology. really love ur videos/ please never get discouraged and stop because you are helping people out here alot.

[@essennagerry]

I've come to do most of these naturally - I do also do the other things such as interripting, giving advice, leading the conversation on the basis of a misunderstanding because I didn't reflect back, or spiraling into talking about myself. But - I do most of the things you said here! And it makes me very happy because I value these things a lot. I especially like asking extra questions, reflecting back and validating. I looove to tell people what exactly I find so understandable and what exactly I find is perfectly ok, even good, even important and healthy. And tell them what I find not ok but why I think it's understandable they did it. I do also like giving advice but in the form of questions. "Do you think doing ____ would help?" "Why not?" I can say a lot more on the contents of the video but I'll stop here! This is the first video of you I watch and I have a feeling this chanel will be a gem. Also, I'm only since recently open to doing therapy. And to understand what therapists are even doing will be a huge help for me! I'm not the type of person who does well just trusting the process and following the guidelines. Because I don't understand it correctly. I see many possible options where others see one or two. So I have to understand things in more depth than regular people seem to need in order to be decently functional. Two birds with one stone: I'll be able to be more helpful to my friends AND prepare for therapy!

[@olakolade6656]

I want to be a clinical psychologist in the future and you inspire me so much :)

[@SuperGuanine]

Just stumbled onto this while wasting time. (Not meaning it is wasting time to listen and learn from you.) I learned a LOT about improving my practically nil listening skills plus about how some Others around me could also improve. Of course I know to work on MYSELF not try to judge, criticize anyone else's ways of doing anything. Thank you for your clear explanation(s) which you have so generously shared. Santa Monica, California

[@lanngunn6512]

Thank you, truly, for this information! Had a friend text about marriage issues. Immediately, wanted to jump in with advice, and personal past experiences. Instead, i started praying, and got lead to this channel. Thankful, to learn these skills for such a tender topic!!

[@drali]

You are so welcome!

[@infinitelyweird]

Very helpful! Thank you! My boyfriend is struggling with a drug addiction, I’m trying to help but it’s really hard to communicate openly and it’s really hard for me to understand his struggles.. He wants to overcome it but it’s a process..

[@dalpz205]

I hope you had resolve. I think the problem is not that you need to listen. Someone on drugs (with variances due to drug) will not know the difference with such altered brain chemicals.

[@Chap17]

A great book to read, loving an addict loving yourself by Candace Plattor, a well skilled counsellor and author🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@kticelovingit4801]

My counselor (therapist) doesn't seem to care ,it's a job ,employment, so to speak. Doesn't let me finish the questions he asks. I feel like a piece of me dies every time after seeing him. Thank God for my psychiatrist.

[@ReneeMartin-p1z]

You need another therapist 😮

[@aceofspace99]

That's my question. Is it possible for you to get a different therapist? You're worth it.

[@kticelovingit4801]

@aceofspace99 thank you for saying that's because after talking to him, I don't feel worth.

[@aceofspace99]

It is VERY important.

[@attheranch873]

Why are you still seeing him? There doesn’t seem to be any benefit to you, just harm. ☹️ it would be therapeutic for you to leave 🌷I wish you the best

[@ujjwals.dadwal8911]

Skill Number One: Reflecting Back! - This happened to you and you experienced this you did this as a result, Does that sound right? - When you reflect back then you realize how you missed the important details - Everything is built upon this skill? Skill Number Two: What is this like for you? - People are feeling so many different things that they don’t know what they are feeling - People have hard time putting words to emotions - How are they experiencing this; what’s going on in your body? What was popping on in your head? - One person really feels bummed or sad while other feels like hitting something or breaking something - As you were describing this, how are you feeling this in your body? Skill Number Three: Validation - Always validate other persons emotion, if they make sense to you - If I had been going through all of this, I would have been feeling this too! - It makes so much sense you are upset about this x, y & z happened - It’s not supporting or approving, you’re saying you get it and I might have done the same Skill Number Four: Ambivalance - Ambivelence is how much torn you are in changing your decision? - What are the things you enjoy about this? - How is this activity/habit helping you? - What are the things you dislike about this? - How willing you are to change this activity from 0 to 10 - What made you think so?

[@dhruvivora9763]

This is a deep video. I have been on and off using these skills related to counseling and it allows for real and deep conversations with peers. The difficulty I face is when people start with their advices (like try out these things...) and it confuses me about how to respond then. I've adopted being assertive and it turns out to be helpful and an easy fix, but doesn't guarantee with the same amount of rapport with people in the long term. What could be another option to break from hearing advices. Thank you so much for all the content you've shared till now Dr. Ali. It adds on to the textbook knowledge and broadens my understanding.

[@tasharichardson401]

I just recently came across your channel yesterday and already you have helped me TREMENDOUSLY. I have fibromyalgia from having extreme generalized anxiety for most of my life and didn’t know what it was. Thank you and prayerfully one day we can speak. Be blessed🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@janicetaitt5313]

Very clear and positive it's very difficult when the person you are conversating with repeats their experiences over and over a long period and this video will help me to help a brother to reflect and seek a nother male to talk too as it's really surprising how grief effects males as to some females I've listened too. This video is also helpful as I often wonder why certain deaths in my family has not effected me at all how I was able to except death from a younger age . Much gratitude I'll keep looking at your playlist fantastic and very warming .

[@circularpizzabox2134]

Absolutely incredible information, spoken slowly, while keeping a great tempo to keep my brain stimulated with wanting to hear more. As a student in Psychology finding this was exactly what I was looking for on YT. Thank you!

[@sarahbaker3503]

I could listen to him all day!! He’s so good!!

[@ScottMartin1701]

These are very "life coach-y" ideals -- about listening and asking questions to deepen the client's understanding of their own issue. Questions like "How do you feel?" or "Why do you think you that?" are asking the client to self-diagnose and, as you said, assume that they already have clarity about their feelings. If those things were true, they wouldn't need the therapy and/or coaching that they came to you for! As others here have said, I'm so happy you've said these things in such a clear way. Thank you! (And yes, the hardest thing for any of us to do is to ask a question and then shut up and listen to the answer!)

[@dawnbryant8778]

Excellent advice for therapist i’m a practicing counsellor and it’s so easy to get lost in your patient’s storey and the want to give advice and rescue. Thanks 🙏 I needed this grounding today x

[@the.punkmonk]

I just stumbled across your videos and they're GREAT! So helpful, engaging, detailed and thoughtfully made. As a coach (who helps camera-shy people find the courage to get on screen, actually!) I've been told I'm an empathetic, non-judgmental listener and I'm always looking to get better and more intentional with my skills. But the skills you describe are also so valuable in personal relationships. Thanks for putting yourself out there, Ali!

[@johannamia2655]

Smth that’s so great about this video is that you can use this in relationship with yourself as well. I have a BAD habit (based in trauma) to invalidate my own experiences and feelings sm. Recently I saw my need for validation from myself and acted on that, and so experienced sm relief

[@atativiana]

I know it's amazing to help other people, but being a bit "selfish", I believe it helps me a lot because I love to write journals and diaries and read them when I feel less stressed. So asking myself those questions while reading (and writing them) it's a great way of understanding me and helping me to find a solution. Thanks for sharing, Doctor! Greetings from Brazil! 😊 God bless you! 🙌

[@GrimBeakington]

This video is much appreciated. I plan on becoming a therapist or something else that involves mental health, hence why I’m taking classes involving such topics, and this is helping quite a bit

[@gayanehmandani1294]

thank you for all the tips! i took a non violence conversation classes about 3 years ago and i just connect everything you said to that. once you start practice and just do all that to yourself then it will become easier to communicate with others. and i really want to become a psychiatrist and im gonna watch all of your videos!

[@georgemcginnis4395]

Thank you! As someone that has a lot of work to do on becoming a better listener for all around me, this was incredibly helpful. I will definitely be working on the four tips provided; with 'understanding the ambivalence' being perhaps the most important one to my given circumstances.

[@benshefford]

This video has been on my feed for a number of years and I've ignored until today, validating, thanks

[@dougbowles6672]

I found your video to be really helpful in HOW to listen. I am completing a Master in Counselling in Australia and quite confronted by the microskills associated with active listening. You made it much clearer. Thank you so much.

[@TheBrownFaceBE]

Almost three years later and this video was still very relevant and helpful!! Thank you!

[@LaurenBradburyFarm]

I recognize this approach as a great method for self inquiry. It could push me past the pat self-recrimination into layers that could lead to self-understanding and untangling root causes. Great stuff

[@keeleybee18]

Currently doing my pre-practicum for my masters and this was so helpful! Thank you!

[@jasminehuynh941]

This is a really informative and helpful video! You are great at explaining it. I found after reflection that I thought I was a pretty good listener, but after this I realize I'm not as great at listening as I thought I was at all and that there was indeed much room for improvement. I want to be able to be better to those around me-- even though I already think I'm pretty good to them.

[@MaraPowers-x8b]

I love how easy and clear your tutorials are to follow.

[@TirrickObadiahSmith]

This doctor is so informative and I enjoy learning from him. Thank you, Soon to be: Dr. Tirrick Obadiah Smith

[@feelingsdecoded]

These are the important skills needed for ever lasting relationships. Very well explained.

[@cocotulle23]

I’m just going to say that if you’re watching this video you’re a really good person. 💛

[@KFCJones]

Yeah? Well if you're making random comments like that, then you're a really good person too! ❤

[@claudiaschneider5744]

@@KFCJones 😅🤣😂😆

[@anitaespinosa6146]

If you are responding to this comment, you are like rays of sunshine emanating from the life giving star that you are. ✨

[@Δ-Δ-Δ-Δ]

I'm watching this because I'm in my 7th term in my university clinical psychology career. I'm trying to get an understanding of what I must do. Outside of what I'm being taught in university.

[@renayesimmons4070]

Wow

[@bryanedwards7374]

I’m trying to be a therapist myself but I recently been diagnosed with schizophrenia and lost confidence in myself in every meaning of the phrase . Which makes sense when you realize your whole life has been hallucination you would loose confidence . I haven’t really found a therapist to really talk to but as kid I always talked to myself as if I was my own therapist said things out loud talk to myself ( which is ironic cuz now I have voices in my head ) and your video help me realize that I haven’t been seeking help but validation. That these stories and hallucinations that I’ve been living in does mean something to me and should be treated seriously so thank you

[@luvlxwaj6461]

Thank you so much for your videos! I am a teacher of English and we are having the course of basic Psychology with my advanced students now. I use your videos at my lessons and then we play out some situations based on them))! Thank you!

[@MrNiceHk]

There are many approaches and techniques ..this works for you ...studied have shown the most important element is emotional connection in the conversation. How did that make you feel presented in the right moment sometimes leads to words never ever uttered.beforw...everything I agree with

[@She_it_her]

3:30 I tried therapy 3 times and every time I got the ‘how does that make you feel’ followed by ‘why do you feel that’ neither which I know the answer to and I have autism/adhd which is harder for us thank u

[@elpsycongroo8401]

I have just started my bachelor's in psychology. I don't think i need to act like one right now but learning from now on will definitely make me better in future. I had my doubts but i am all focused now. Thank you for putting up these videos. Really appreciate it.🙏

[@yevaremolino6856]

I'm learning how to be a therapist and this video really helped!

[@biang9296]

There goes me not listening, but day dreaming of me listening as a future counselor 😢🥺 help lol. But I agree with all that you have said, very informative, relatable, and extremely helpful.

[@steggopotamus]

To a degree the daydreaming is your brain trying to rehearse what you would do in the situation and compare it to what you want to do. Right? So, if you're just talking about the video pause it for a second, and if you're with a patient, make a personal note to consider the issue later on your own time. If the daydreaming keeps going get an evaluation or two.

[@shelteredsparrow2736]

I am a person that would have LOVED to have been a counselor but knew I could never have handled the math and the science when I was failing chemistry. I have been able to do a lot of counseling in my own way. I helped a young man who ran away from home because of the emotional abuse he was experiencing from his father rebuild that relationship. I also helped a family that had a daughter who was pregnant move forward to a place of hope. I also had a friend that was fighting with her mother as the mother was having such a hard time understanding where she coming from. While I have able to do counseling in my own way, I absolutely LOVE Videos like this to help me grow my understanding of counseling. Thanks for the video.

[@blurblarted]

this is why i chose SOCIAL WORK, im a therapist now with no math or science only social work and humanities!! maybe some business but that was all and im working towards LCSW now to have a private practice

[@shubhrasingh8685]

Excellent explanation sir, I must appreciate the clarity of skills and motive behind that.Thanks a lot. In this video I found answer of a lot of questions that were bothering me to learn the skill as a fresher in my course of study.

[@Word-Smithy]

I used to really dislike that "how does that feel in your body" question because it would often feel like nothing. Nothing. Dead from the neck down. I used to make up answers to just get past that stupid question and therapists trying to get me to "feel the feelings". That was a while back.

[@Alecasnotebook]

Thank you so much for this, one of my friends just got out of a toxic relationship and still has self-worth issues

[@aaronandtorivick2637]

Thank you Doctor Ali Mattu! That is also a gold nugget at the end about the topic about when to press in to discomfort through anxiety! WOW! That was so helpful! Wow! You might consider putting that gold nugget in to a short 1-2 minute video because it is so valuable! I wish you well on your service to humanity.

[@kentbyron7608]

Dear Sir, thank you for this video. It is a massive paradigm shift for me when I communicate with others. I've been looking for this and didn't know it. And kudos to you. You have this light little laugh sometimes when you speak that shows that you walk the talk, it's refreshing and sweet. I wish you the best life. Thank you for the help so that I can have more empathy and be more present and compassionate for other people. We are in a mental health crisis in the world and we can help each other better with some basic skills. You're one likable and generous fellow. Gratitude 🌞☺️Bravo! Subscribed. ❤👏🙌🙏🏼

[@Kat-ut5rq]

Tell patients what "reflecting" is. I just thought I was speaking so quietly that a therapist would repeat essentially what I just said back to me - not that it was her doing her job. Explains a lot, haha.

[@gracedeckers5771]

1:10 For me, it makes more sense to relate to our urges, in this case, as “habitual” (as a consequence of what have been modeled, our conditioning) rather then “natural” (cause I don’t think we are born with an urge to give advice etc.). I loved your insights ❤ Thank you

[@NickB-yq7ng]

Great strategies even a lay person can follow. I plan to try hard to implement these as soon as my next conversation. Thanks.

[@howardowens721]

Early in my relationship with my late wife (30 years together) she was telling me something her husband said to her and I asked, “how did that make you feel?” She said crying. I didn’t understand why. She told me, “that’s the first time a man ever asked me what I feel about anything.” I was shocked. It seemed that a natural obvious question to me. I would suggest the question is different in the context of a therapy session than it is in a personal conversation between two people who have a bond as friends or lovers.

[@tammybradshaw7175]

Awesome! Thank you so much! I REALLY needed this video to help me be a better listener! I like how you broke down each skill.🙏❤

[@Mushroom321-]

Right!!, people can go through the SAME life changing event however experience different emotions... 👏👏☝️☝️☝️

[@organizer14]

Can you explain how to facilitate a therapy support weekly group?

[@Sophieross34]

Watching this so I can support my partner in a way that is helpful. Thank you so much 🙏

[@oathtothemosthigh]

Thank you so much! I started talking about myself lately. I don’t understand why yet but I will learn and grow.

[@patreshezz2229]

Thank you Dr. you’ve helped me so much before a role play session for counselling.

[@MarioGloria0404]

This video is awesome. You should have mentioned Rogers though. Most of the listening skills you mentioned are based on his work. Thank you.

[@lianaadrong4341]

Thank you. I need to practice my listening skill.

[@medlifey1170]

Is Validation the oposite of Gaslighting ?

[@ResilientIzShe]

Yes, I could see how that question sucks. I actually studied psychology for my masters just to learn more about myself. The therapists that I had to help me through depression, anxiety, & childhood trauma usually didn't make me feel like they were helping me reach the root issue. It's actually my life coach who I've tried to convince to go back to school to do therapy because he's amazing at psychoanalysis, actively & listening helping his clients reach their desired goal by leading them to deep rooted issues in order to overcome the surface ones. I'm considering returning for my doctorate in clinical psychology myself. Julia's question is 💯

[@NewEnglandPatriotsfan]

You seem like an excellent psychologist. My excellent counselor has gave excellent advice for every question I seriously was anxious for an excellent answer for. Helped so much

[@djangowoof]

“How did you feel when etcet” is NOT a useless question because many people have not thought about feelings. Naming feelings like anger, sadness, happy, relieved, frightened and so on, lessen the propensity to act out. So asking the question assumes there are words to express feelings. This is why we call it talk therapy.

[@rupmatt]

Classic motivational interviewing! Love the way you presented it!

[@Mushroom321-]

I've knows the reflective listening skills (from my therapist & in support group) & IM EXCITED TO PRACTICE MORE skills.. 😼☝️☝️👏👏🎉🎉

[@kaT-ori]

1. Reflect back 2. What is this like 4 u (instead of 'how does that make you feel) 3. Validation (if I hade gone through all of this, I would have definitely feeling this too.., it makes so much sense thatyou feel like this, because this happened to you) 4. Understand the ambivalence (you want to make that change but struggle because of important reasons), what is that doing for you, what do you dis-/like about this, scale from 1 to 10

[@greysky8]

I'm just finding this in mid 2024!!! All good tips and I can't wait to put em into practice. Looking forward to changing my bad habit of SERIOUS OVERBLABBING out of nervous shyness. Ugh : /

[@joyking2231]

Joy here, late to the party, but really value your delivery and content.

[@earlgreyt123]

Hearing someone list their goals and plans for 2020 feels so sad now!

[@grahamwalker2168]

This is a great refresher for me and a brilliant introduction. Really hope things are going well for you back in California and that you are all set up for next year.

[@meloplenty]

I swear to god I thought this was Shake from Love is Blind season 2. As a counseling student, I love this video! Lol the thumbnail definitely got me

[@sonia34652]

You are the first to make sense to me so far. I am a freshman in Human Services thank you. it just make a lot of sense

[@pragmaticPaul949]

this guy is a good man

[@Jorn-sy6ho]

shared understanding is so powerfull! It's frustrating for me that therapists act as if they don;t know what an autistic person needs. It's the double-empathy problem and it often feels like the autistic person, who is in crisis, also needs to manage that part of the conversation.

[@quintinrivera-toro6604]

How do psychologists cope with the emotional toll of their patients problems?

[@butterflyblessbless5836]

Supervision.... support requires support

[@ahdapt]

Sociopathy is often high in psychologist and therapists, which lets them put that aside and not let them affect them. Dr. K (psychiatrist KZbinr) has talked about this.

[@butterflyblessbless5836]

@@ahdapt Do you have the link..?

[@ahdapt]

@@butterflyblessbless5836 I've heard him talk about it in multiple sessions with different people. Let me look real quick and I'll come back to you if I find it.

[@butterflyblessbless5836]

@@ahdapt Thank you...no rush 😎

[@suneelewitzky6797]

Understanding Ambivalence= DBT (the dialectic)