7 WAYS BEING AN ADULT CHILD OF AN ALCOHOLIC AFFECTS YOUR CAREER

[@rubadublove3663]

@11:24 damn this still hurts at 45 yrs of age. Then, when you tell them how it affected you they feel you're making it up... or exaggerating..🤔

[@Ikaros23]

Gaslighting

[@sharonwilliams3019]

I recreate my traits at work.

[@sunshineccc7713]

Doing so much for others hoping it will keep the peace or get the recognition we so desperately want and need but then at least for me for example I will go all out for my friends birthday, make a homemade cake, wrap a gift, pick a date, do decorations and it feels good to celebrate her or the family member but then end up super depressed and hurt that they forgot my birthday or cant be there for me on the exact day and get resentful, when really my friends have full time jobs, kids and some big stuff going on in their life and I took it personally. I now realize that I was over gift giving and caring too much was also a way to make sure that I "earned" their love, which you can't earn their love, they just want a phonecall or a walk on the park. This happedned this past year and I had to apologize and ask of forgivenes I'm just now realizing the pattern, trying to be good enough, perfect enough, clean enough, pretty enough etc etc to win attention and love.

[@Ikaros23]

Whats often even more sad is that we may ignore people who are functional/normal and not narcissistic/addict who want to connect. We are programmed to respond to the extreme high/low emotions of the dysfunctional household and see/judge « normal/functional» people as boring/stupid/squere/blind/insane etc. when in reality it is the « acoa brain» thats dysfunctional. The great thing is that the brain can heal from trauma!.

[@JodyLamb]

Yep yep and yep! Well said. We are always overachieving as givers, and always hold onto expectations about how other people in our lives should be to us and then we jump to conclusions and assume things because we are used to being let down. Glad you're healing and learning!

[@epitoky]

“...you have to put in the work to build what is meaningful...to build what you deserve.” This is what I’m grappling with. Thank you for bringing it down to this point-it is so validating and reassuring for me. 💝

[@JodyLamb]

Best wishes to you, Tiffany.

[@johnnywardle]

Thanks, Jody, with every point I was saying to myself "That's exactly how I feel and think"! Also, thank you for your suggested approaches for handling each situation better.

[@Jamchick16]

First of all, Thank You! I just came across your channel and have watched a few videos... I applaud your courage. As an ACOA myself, I'm painfully aware of the realities you discuss. In fact, what prompted me to search for ACOA today was the result of looming anxiety I feel from my current job. I'm so much harder on myself than any employer has been, and despite any praise I still assume the worst. Literally as I was watching this video, my employer called to thank me for my hard work and to discuss upcoming opportunities. Needless to say, it's reassuring to be able to identify with others and serves as a good reminder to be more kind to myself :)

[@JodyLamb]

I know, anxiety is one powerful beast, isn't it??!! more faith you have in yourself and you keep being you, the more opportunities are created. Celebrate what you've accomplished and what you WILL accomplish in the future. Best wishes to you.

[@kishoredavid3363]

Great video Jody! I can relate deeply (and painfully) to all of these points. It took a long time to even know what makes me tick and figure out the kind of life i want. Now I'm working to build that life while grieving the many lost years. It takes work and it's hard (!!) but my passion for doing what fits me and feeds my soul seems to be pulling me through. Thank you.

[@JesswadeTW]

Wow Jody! I’ve just discovered ACA and I’m so overwhelmed with this realisation, but excited to heal! It’s amazing to realise why I am the way I am! your video resonates with me so much!

[@JodyLamb]

You got this! Best wishes to you on your healing journey!

[@somarai4669]

Every time I breakdown due to conflicts I just sit and watch ur videos it helps a lot thank you

[@JodyLamb]

I'm so happy to know that. Wishing you well. Keep getting educated.

[@florentineortiz3274]

Man!!! This explains so much! Thank you for breaking it down for me, you are a version of me , a carbon copy if I may say so. It explains why I change so many jobs and feel under appreciated, my fear of conflict or even constructive criticism. I can go on, and on. Thank you for your message of strength & hope.

[@JodyLamb]

It's amazing how similar our experiences are! Best wishes to you on your journey and your career!

[@oaktreepandaze]

This helps greatly thank you 🙏🏻

[@JodyLamb]

I'm so glad!

[@nancyknott3389]

Thank you very much for this. This is good for your listeners, and possibly for yourself, it could be part of your recovery.

[@JodyLamb]

Thank you, Nancy. Yes, sharing my story and learnings along the way have definitely been cathartic for me.

[@RJones-tn5vg]

Great tips in this video! I can relate. I think my career is behind where my potential is and I am working to fix it.

[@Termiic]

How has this only been viewed 600-smtm-smtn times, when it should be in millions by now! Loved every piece of the experience you shared with us.

[@JodyLamb]

Oh thanks! Glad you liked it.

[@thehighpriestess8431]

Termiic I agree. It should be millions. The world would be a better place. There are so many Adult Children out there that can’t even imagine how much better their lives could be.

[@Termiic]

Two of Pentacles Right? :) Well, at least now this is being recognized and talked about. I only wish i could have know about being acoa some 10 - 15 years earlier in life, although at that time recognizing the fact would have probably crushed me.

[@hK_Ultra_]

Wow. I relate to all of this. So many of my ACOA traits are 10 times worse at work. I have always attributed it to my fear of authority figures and conflict.

[@JodyLamb]

Yes, us adult children of alcoholics are very similar! My ACoA traits also surface in the workplace. We spend a lot of time working so it makes sense. At least we're self aware and can work on them, as needed. Best wishes to you on your healing journey!

[@jameskay3715]

Made my career choice at age 14 to make money so could escape my home. Stuck in the same career 36 years later with next to no other options.

[@tripfall224]

your videos are awesome!!!!

[@GlobalistaGal]

Thanks, Jodi! Happy New Year * - )

[@JodyLamb]

I hope 2021 is a good one for you!

[@jeffdodson8532]

Very insightful.. Thank you.

[@nmikloiche]

I want to send this video to all my team members and mgt because it says everything I want to say. I find it so hard to communicate these traits because I either fear becoming to exposed, or fear revealing the truest self that I try to hide, or I fear that nobody wants to get bogged down in all the details. Also, the trauma I suffered as a child still impacting me at nearly 49 might not be well understood, but I’m jumping to conclusions. What’s been others experiences when attempting to integrate these ideas within work teams. I often feel so misunderstood. And I think it’s a lot of me not making people understand where my natural reflexes arise from. I’ve dabbled in ACOA & I’ve dealt with my own substance abuse issues. The ACOA seems to me the overarching lynchpin from which my substance abuse disorder took hold. This post got a bit wandering but I’d love to hear back from anyone with words of wisdom or such. Thank you for boiling this down for me and making this very easy to take in; I can fully relate to everything)No you’ve said here. It’s nice to know we do not suffer or reviver alone.

[@stephonjames1038]

Your dog rocko is so cute!

[@omniakarasuame2682]

Or you're like me and can't hold down a job because you're still stuck quitting every time to help your family v.v

[@JodyLamb]

I hope you focus on taking take good care of you. I spent my whole life thinking I was responsible for my mother, father and sister. In the process, I never took good care of me. Your only job in life to take good care of you. Remember that.

[@Warpath1337]

Very insightful. Thank you. You seem very sweet.

[@Godlywoman88]

Yes, about processes and set rules. I feel like I can get so caught up in my routine that it hinders me from taking initiative, which I think hinders me from being promoted into a better role.

[@JodyLamb]

Maybe this is your year to change this. Be bold!

[@Godlywoman88]

@@JodyLamb I want to, I just feel like I have a hard time seeing where to pitch in at the co pay I work for.

[@gflem]

My dad would say awful angry things to me, until the booze clicked. Then he he wade to be huggy and kissy

[@Birdsbees]

She to a boss she. That's the problem. Also entrepreneurship is the answer.

[@iveneverseenahealthyvegan.9885]

Can cohersive control by a husband who provides alcohol daily then causes arguments infront of children to gain their trust be a reason for a mother to be driven to alcohol abuse..??

[@nmikloiche]

Lord, girl, you need to send me the number to your therapist!

[@missclarestube]

Yep yep yep and yep.

[@gflem]

How can you determine when you are falling into the office martyr role, when it is happening? Not later

[@Ikaros23]

1:When you take opon you tasks or roles that is OBVIUSLY not your responcibility. 2: When we dont see the difference of privat emotions, and « professional» emotions. That is work and the people there is not your friends or family. The « task» of beeing a professional is different from that of « brother, mother, friend» etc. If you feel that working fills a « void» in you and you get super emotional about tasks that might seem trivial to others. This is when the acoa brain « highjacks» the rasjonal/instrumental brain. Work is not your family or your friend. A workplace can often also be toxic if the managers are narcissists/addicts. The dysfunctional workplace also use alot of the same language and may manipulate workers be calling the office « the family» or managers calling themself « mother/dad» etc this might be indicators of redflags.

[@thehighpriestess8431]

I wonder what is the percentile of Adult Children that develop Borderline Personality Disorder ?

[@JodyLamb]

Good question. Likely a notably high number and many more who are never formally diagnosed.

[@janiegoni01]

Your story sounds like mine. I’m now 53 years old and right at this moment driving my mother who blacked out on my couch laying in a puddle of urine. I don’t like my Mother at this point. She has I me and my sister through hell for years. Jail burned her house down duis broken bones bars calling is because she couldn’t pay her tab. I want to live my life!!!! I can’t deal with this