90 Day Fiancé - (Darcey #9) Therapist Reacts - Projective Identification

[@humongouslyentertained]

Dr Honda watched 10 seconds and talked for 22 minutes 😂 I love this series so much, so insightful

[@TamiBurge]

He talks to us like we are his students... he just need to get on with it!

[@temiajayi1524]

@@TamiBurge idk I quite like this in- depth educational approach. I feel like I'm learning a lot!

[@ladylioness06]

And I am👏here👏for all of those 22 minutes. And will be back for every episode!

[@racharina]

@@temiajayi1524 me too

[@tiannafruth5444]

@@TamiBurge Completely disagree. I love how in-depth he goes. This isn't a superficial series to attract views and disparage how dysfunctional the talent is. It's educational and can help us think about our own relationships in the context of the show. :)

[@egg9822]

Dr Honda: "Does that make any sense" Me: *whole world shook as entire life suddenly becomes clear*

[@SarahSpencerSandwich]

Dr. Honda: "Does that make any sense?" Me: *gasping, recovering from the sucker punch to my psyche*

[@daria668]

Claire Patterson lmao

[@tulip5210]

LOL

[@Gotham_Moon]

I feel this comment in my marrow

[@thepolarbearsarelife]

Omg that's hilarious 😂

[@thecatinthetinfoilhat915]

Seriously guys, we need TLC to hire Dr. Honda in a new show, 90 day fiance: Couples therapy!

[@Fit_pharmacist]

The Cat in the Tinfoil Hat yes! Where’s the petition I’ll sign right now!

[@hadizamohammed]

Wheres the petition!!!! I'm ready to sign.

[@daria668]

yessss i would watch

[@thereaderbug398]

I would SO watch that show!

[@lt0518]

OMFG MAKE THIS HAPPEN

[@littlefrog9553]

This series has taught me a lot. I realize my partner is very differentiated (given his background), or at least works on being more differentiated than he might otherwise be. He uses very neutral and constructive language, regardless of his own upset. I thanked him for that, and he felt seen and appreciated. He was teary-eyed. We cuddled. It was wonderful. Thank you for making this visible to me. I hope this content inspires people to get support if they feel they need it.

[@aiya3145]

Little Frog 🐸 How beautiful. ❤️

[@letstalkshmack]

That’s amazing!

[@crazymike1706]

This show will teach you a lot about psychology and sociology. If you ever want to show someone what they're doing wrong in a relationship, let them watch the show

[@reallifevixen]

You have the best KZbin name haha (I love frogs).

[@HolyGround777]

This comment warms my heart😊

[@KenoughObiWan]

Can’t believe Jesse didn’t say absolutely madness this episode

[@Nemcoification]

It was short. Don't worry, he'll make up for it next episode.

[@flufftronable]

Allison Iukipa 🤣🤣

[@rishaa682]

lmao the comments u make are gold

[@s.melonita4454]

🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣

[@highlander6964]

When you start watching for reactions to Darcy and end up confused about your own relationships.....

[@rgarcia2379]

Same! I'm sitting here wondering whether I'm Darcey or Jesse in this scenario and have concluded I'm screwed either way.

[@butterflyperez7925]

Seriously 😆

[@kakan1584]

I’m Darcey. I’m so similar to her attachment style when in relationships. I told my boyfriend like the first week we got together how I want his children, want to marry him etc. I always say exactly what’s on my mind and in my heart. No one misses how I feel for them cause I tell everyone around me all the time. Unfortunately I’m also very clingy and needy and have in the past had a relationship much alike to Jesses and Darceys. I very rarely fall for guys so when I do I don’t wanna let go. I have also difficulties being alone. I need support all the time. I often feel less worthy and unloved. My parents didn’t even almost succeed in seeing my needs, they didn’t comfort me and if they comforted me it was them who hurt me in the first place. My dad was an alcoholic and they both used to hit us and overall being really shitty ”parents”. It’s a very sad story which I don’t like to talk about very much. But it’s no news to me that I have been damaged. I’m working on it all the time. My biggest work is to not being so dependent on other people, but we all are dependent in some way so it’s not easy finding a healthy midway. On the positive side I’m very loving and have a good heart, so I’m glad I didn’t end up like Jesse.

[@Dakotaandpacha]

@@kakan1584 You have a lot of insight, which I think Darcey may be lacking. I think there is a lot of hope you will heal and go on to have a wonderful relationship. Kudos do you for doing the hard work to get to where you want to be. Not many people do that.

[@kakan1584]

Denise Thank you 🙏🥰

[@Pokemonmasters4ever]

Is anyone gonna mention how he looks way younger than 49 lol

[@racharina]

He looks Spaniard. I had a boyfriend once that was from Santander, Spain. He looks just like him without the scent... amazing!

[@Divinatonio]

Racharina B. Lol he's part Japanese hence the name Honda

[@YourBaeFromBusan]

@@racharina he said he's half Japanese American and white

[@kenyagonzalez1072]

Bro what?? He looks like he’s 30 years old omg

[@racharina]

@@Divinatonio - really!? Oh wow, he is Japanese American? Lol he looks totally Spaniard to me, how strange

[@Inner_wild_child]

Honestly these videos have been such a blessing during quarantine. And you explained everything really well! My professors struggled to explain a lot of object-relations theory and you are really good at making it easy to digest

[@trinity6764]

Second that . 🙂

[@mizzpicklezz]

I wish I could have had Dr.Kirk as my clinical interventions professor - he is helping me so much. I struggled with conceptualizing so many things and he does it in 10 minutes effortlessly...better late than never tho!

[@Inner_wild_child]

Adrienne Garr I absolutely agree!!

[@DanielleMarieW]

Amen, would definitely love to study with Dr Honda! I’m on track to watching all of these videos. So many insights.

[@BlondeNordic]

I had this feeling like Jessie was some how expecting the girls just open their arms and hug him. That's not how it works when you hurt their mother/father kids become super protective ( kids sorta become like parents) of that parent whom is in the weaker position (Darcy in this case) because you are the outsider Jessie the girls wont see you as a parent because you are not their father. It's ok to argue at times it is normal but there is nothing normal in this relatationship. As a mother i wish Darcy the best and i hope she can realize that something is wrong and either take the time to realize this by her self why she is attracting these wrong type of men in to her life or see a therapist and try to work out her issues.

[@l.j.1417]

Right? I would turn on my mom's boyfriends if they were fighting and always side with her.

[@dawnlovejoy8917]

I've said this again and again that surely TLC should provide some sort of psychological support. It's such an incredibly stressful situation to be in, having your relationship scrutinized by millions of people.

[@SantosAl]

It would be great but psychological support would contradict the producers intent. The drama seems to pull in the views.

[@tylerj6182]

TLC should reach out to our boy here and cut a deal

[@theunicornadventures6457]

@@tylerj6182 yes!

[@Uuber2Jupiter]

You should watch the fictional drama called unreal. It's basically a fictional show about a reality dating show. It basically exposes what producers do to get ratings. Despite it being a fictional show, it is exactly what happens behind the scenes of real reality shows

[@diol9313]

Angell marie Crawford ohh sounds interesting!

[@neonmellow]

This is my favorite series on youtube right now.

[@annieev171]

Same 🙂

[@Hellohello-vp5jk]

Me too!! Exactly during stay home!

[@darkside7654]

I honestly feel like I’m a shitty person, but these analysis are helping me so much to understand and notice certain thing I’vent seen before and honestly I really feel like I’m growing as a person THANK YOU SO MUCH

[@racharina]

Same here

[@urmamasmamasmama]

Me too. 💙

[@raqui174]

Me tooo!!!

[@meanjean3023]

Yes !!

[@mirandaquinnn]

Same here

[@hadizamohammed]

Dr Honda, this lockdown hair is a good look for you. You look very dashing and handsome. Also really youthful, could easily pass for late 20s

[@jessicalemke4571]

We literally thought he is in his late 20 when we started watching him (not long ago) I love his hair like this!!

[@hadizamohammed]

@@jessicalemke4571 Dr Honda puts down his looks a lot and I'm really confused as to why. He's the best looking 49 year old ive seen. Handsome face, thick shiny hair with a good hairline and fabulous skin. He needs to tell us all his secret. I want to be wrinkle free 49 too.

[@midlight9758]

hadizamohammed his youthful 1/2 Japanese blood

[@DanielleMarieW]

I thought he was 26 until he mentioned doing his degree at 26..!

[@melissanormand7817]

Next spin off- 90 day couples therapy

[@saraclark7451]

Yeah but after spending time with any of those hot messes the therapists will also need therapy 😂

[@melissanormand7817]

Sara Clark very true

[@aiya3145]

PLEASEEEE!! This would be intriguing and could actually help these people, as well as all watching. Thinking a ‘90 day fiancé Tell All’ style sit down show where Dr. and 90 day fiancé couples watch clips and talk about them together.

[@lourdesweet51]

With Dr. Honda! Call him, TLC! 😉

[@lourdesweet51]

@@saraclark7451 🤪🤣

[@ladydiamond6611]

41:58 Jessi: I love her but she like expected the marriage from the first day I meet her?! Me: wow........its almost like the shows called 90 day fiancé or something..............pff crazy.......

[@ChristinaChrisR]

That Dude 🤣

[@Vasilia4]

*Jorge and Anfisa (the self-proclaimed golddigger) may be another interesting couple to analyse*

[@sarahhaag6601]

Yes!!!!!

[@Dudebrointhesky]

oh yeah!

[@racharina]

Yup

[@karinax4745]

Yes please

[@aiya3145]

Definitely!! Especially because Anfisa seemed like she had a vulnerable, soft side underneath her seemingly ‘tough’ exterior. And I would like to understand why she was so abusive to Jorge. Is it possible she’s been hurt in so much in her life (maybe through abuse and/or abandonment) that it’s all a big defence mechanism to ensure she hurts people close to her before they have a chance to hurt her?

[@beepboop5029]

Halfway in, as a layman to psychology and someone who experienced years of repetitive disappointing relationships, yes, you make total sense! And I thank you for this insight. I've been bingeing your videos since quarantine and I'm excited to approach relationships in a totally different way once we're free :-) thank you!

[@Itssssn]

It’s very possible that Jesse sees Darcey in a way like his mother and wants to be able to recreate the relationship in a way where he is able to finally “fix her” and that it might result in mending the issues he’s had all these years.

[@Boobalopbop]

I think that's what Dr. Honda is missing they are 22 year apart in age and I feel like he is talking about them as if they're both 44 years old and Jesse is the bad guy because he is not responding the way Darcey wants/needs. Jesse is actually handling things well for a 24 year old if you ask me. I think he wanted to meet an older woman because he hopes to learn from her and be able to relax and not be looked at as the "Knight in shining armor" (as Darcey had repeatedly refferred to him). I think in the end they brought out the worst in each other. She wanted to feel like a fresh and fair, little damsel in her 20s, he wanted to feel like a substantial man who could pull a beautiful, successful woman in her 40s... Neither of them got what they expected. Darcey catfished with old pics, lied about her social status and living situation... And he wasn't into being a mindless boy toy for her. She has a new one though. Some gorgeous Bulgarian model dude.

[@Aigle20350]

Boobalopbop he already mentioned that age is not that big of a deal as people make it to be and he is highly critical of those that make it a big deal so curb your inner “therapist”.

[@Alexandra31T]

@@Boobalopbop huh jesse is NOT handling this well for a 24 year old

[@jasminehouston-burns1691]

You maybe have no idea how equally informative, entertaining, and helpful this all is. I love this show and you've actually given it some meaning. Thank you for "listening to what the people want" and doing a ton of segments on this! It's been a wonderful way to be introduced to what therapy can be like.

[@lavinder11]

Your hair looks nice.

[@ShoujoKairi]

Ahhh, what a pleasure to see a notification update from you. Thank you for the enjoyable video and informative analyses!

[@TonPlatFavori]

Hi Kirk, Jesse has said on his Instagram that he got a degree in psychology recently and I was wondering what you think about that. I am certainly surprised.

[@eljesa3468]

TonPlatFavori I am not that surprised considering the possibility that Jesse is a narcissist they want to be the best at EVERYTHING and a know it all and part of the narcissistic supply and false image of themselves, having no self-awareness at all, being so detached from with reality

[@lisasimpson8607]

It seems a lot of people go into areas where they have a problem. For example, my daughter’s Immunologist has really bad problems with his allergies and always has. He says this promoted him to specialize in immunology. Jesse probably knows he’s got problems.

[@shescalledirina]

I am one of those people who initially wanted to study Psychology in order to understand myself (and others around me) better. Once a student, I've realised not only how many in this field (back in my home country, that's where I studied so can't apply this to everywhere) had unresolved issues, and I'm particularly referring to the teachers. Obviously the students had unresolved issues, at that age few of us have resolved our issues. But I also realised just how varied people's reasons were for studying it. The most "facepalm" type of reason was (for me) because they thought it was easy and they'd have loads of free time haha. However, I do hope his studies have prompted him to introspection and opened him up to the idea of therapy.

[@LizNeptune]

LisaPharmD 214 yup... I know 2 people very well, one with a psychology masters and another one doing a psychology PhD... both are batshit crazy!! One of which I believe is narcissistic/borderline... I always low key felt like they’re just trying to figure themselves out imo..

[@broGabiza]

Academic psychology is different from clinical psychology. That explains it

[@mizzpicklezz]

Dr. Kirk looking in the camera saying " GO TO THERAPY!" is sending me lmao ...

[@1977linda1977]

Darcy: "Our next journey is going to be even greater." Cut back to Dr. Honda: "Go to therapy! Goooo toooo couples therapy!"

[@franceswu2573]

"She expected marriage from the first day I met her." Uh do you remember the name of the show you signed up for? Lol

[@catherineparis8678]

Can’t believe you’re 49, I thought u were a solid 34

[@dd4271]

Catherine Paris 49?! Wow. I thought he was, at tops, 39.

[@jane347]

Thought 32

[@aiya3145]

I thought 30 😂

[@Astronomicron]

Hello! I'm a medical student/lover of 90 day fiance. I really appreciate your reactions AND think your explanations are very clear and coherent. This is speaking from my foundational experience of being 1) a student of medicine and 2) a person who engages in therapy (my therapist practices mostly gestalt, but i understand the crossover language/ideas). I appreciate the care and time you put into these videos! I also enjoy these videos because you have a very calm, compassionate presence while going through these reactions. During isolation it is nice to sit with. Your passion for education and helping others shines through!!! Thanks for your work :)

[@Melissa-nr3ro]

I wonder what it's like being married to a therapist

[@misselizabeth6631]

Mel must be nice haha

[@lylyb6815]

there's a french proverbe that says " les cordonniers sont souvent les plus mal chausses"

[@Jasmian]

@@lylyb6815 Slovene version, "Kovačeva kobila je vedno bosa" :))

[@Ifoundyou121]

I wonder that too!! I think to myself like would I hate it? Would it feel like he’s always right m? Would that be annoying or relieving?

[@tupsugirl]

And the proverbs mean?

[@jeanclaymore672]

I’d really like you to react to Olga and Steven. She looks like she’s genuinely in danger when he’s around her, and I’d love to see a therapist’s take on their couple dynamics.

[@Maya-pj2pd]

yes! yes this please ^

[@scrapinmomma]

I agree! He comes off extremely toxic

[@LizNeptune]

Yeah their relationship was weirddddd!! He creeped me tf out. He seems like he had a similar upbringing as maybe Jesse except his manifested in a violent way smh

[@jeanp1323]

Merci Dr Kirk ! This lecture was Just pure bliss ! You're taught me so much ! I'm going to therapy right after the quarantine to better my relationship and myself because i know now (Thanks to you) that i deserve it. Love from Paris 🙏🏾🇫🇷

[@LunaVioletta7]

Hi Jean P! I don't know you, but I'd encourage you to seek therapy during the quarantine (we don't know how long it'll last) since it seems like you really desire it & would benefit from it! I don't live in France, but I'm guessing most therapists have moved to virtual video calls due to quarantine. In fact, I know most Western therapists already offered video services before the quarantine. Very best of luck for you, and remember that you DO deserve therapy!!

[@jeanp1323]

Ivy Lively that's so sweet of you 😊 you're right, i'll look for a psychologist that does online consultation

[@swellsessionsteam]

This Darcy content is giving me life ... especially stuck in quarantine and just machinate on my own issues.

[@cremebrulee4759]

It's not healthy modeling for her daughters, AT ALL.

[@smilingindenver]

This series you are doing is SO GOOD and HELPFUL! I had my own Jesse for like 4 years on and off. Very explosive fights and breakups and near breakups constantly. When I first started watching the Jesse episodes I was SO triggered by Jesse because he reminded me of my ex. I was feeling that hurt all over again. After watching your series I am beginning to understand Jesse and my ex and getting to a point where I feel forgiveness towards him. I have no intention of getting back together with my ex but it is nice to let some of that hurt go. And for the record, I am not a total Darcy but I have my own issues and your series has also helped me understand why I put up with it for so long. Thank you for what you do!

[@chowdigg]

Holy F! My mind is blown. The explanation of projective identification in regards to being drawn to a person is super eye opening. Very interesting. This is life changing information that we are receiving for free! Thank you so much!

[@atman5461]

Love you. I'm so proud of how your channel has blown up. I know you are dubious about reality T.V, but this is reaching alot of people.

[@Doreana48501]

When Jessie's stepfather met Darcy he told Jessie that Darcy was not up to his level and he could have any girl he wanted Jessie just sat there nodding in agreement with a smug look on his face. Darcy was jaw dropped shocked to hear this. It was at that moment I knew this guy was really bad news for Darcy.

[@blackcap2872]

Just sitting crying a lil cause I was that child...promised myself I would never be like that in front of my own children.

[@smokeysnowboard1809]

I LOVE these! I’ve already improved so much communication in my life with everybody that I speak with and I’ve really gotten in touch with my feelings more by speaking from the heart and saying directly what I mean!!! Thanks to you I’m pretty much getting exactly what I’m looking for out of my communications with people when it used to be the opposite!! THANK U PROFESSOR 😊😊😊😊

[@optionhotdogmeowkshake4090]

Same! He's managed to organise my emotions enough to talk to others effectively

[@Kenya.Kay.MBA...]

I think those girls are used to the toxicity Darcey brings around them. My heart goes out to everyone affected by this show.

[@greensan3093]

I'm so impressed about your continously quick uploads. Thank you so much! I always look forward to your new videos

[@xstanstanstan]

I love when you go into more depth about analysis and theory and ideas. It's fun to watch these and learn from them and I love when I see the episodes are longer, so please keep telling us all of this stuff. :)

[@vanmcrtny]

Loving the deep dives into psychoanalysis, please more of this! You make these topics easy to understand!

[@asho345]

I am always happy to see appreciation for psychoanalysis. I find it severely underrated in modern psychology.

[@vanessao9964]

We love you Dr. Honda! You're great!

[@OkamiNoNamida]

"I apologize for my corona virus hair" And I'm just sitting here thinking, "OMG I love his hair."

[@kylarae3254]

I learn SO MUCH about myself every time I watch these!! Thank you !!!

[@texasmagnolia1113]

Awesome video, I’m enjoying your reactions. One thing you said that hit home with me is how we take care of our partners when they are upset or crying is based how how we were taken care of as children. My parents would tell me to get over it and were emotionally distant and not providing emotional support. I find that I do that with my partner and it isn’t productive or supportive. Thank you so much for that guidance. This is an area that I will be working on to improve my relationship.

[@Ally-yk8hs]

Stay safe! Your videos teach me so much!!!

[@mariaperez9301]

Who wants him to react to Mohamed and Danielle?

[@Stace1319]

Yes!!!!

[@avaannie3906]

What is there to react to? Mohamed just wanted a green card and Danielle just wanted a husband. It wasn’t a real meaningful relationship.

[@Uuber2Jupiter]

All the new couples. I don't remember all of their names cuz I haven't watched the newest season just random clips. But that Geoffrey guy...Ed.. omg

[@NauticaLeigh]

Dr Honda just has to teach and we love listening to the explanations and theories in detail like this when it comes out of him naturally

[@ashes0529]

Dr Honda..needless to say quarantine has been hard on my marriage. I found you. I think we are going to be ok. Thank you

[@LizNeptune]

Thanks soooo much for doing these every day!!! Giving me something to look forward to watch every day :D

[@MsJeanneMarie]

You have great hair, Dr. Honda!!

[@catsandcrows8880]

Thank you for a very insightful and interesting talk, I probably have to watch again to better grasp what you put forward, to get a deeper understanding. That's something I appreciate.

[@aiya3145]

Your channel grows in subscriber count every time I come to watch one of these reaction vids! High quality content, and life changing too. Onwards and upwards!

[@Wraiven22]

It's ABSOLUTELY common to other mammals. This is why, for instance, dogs that were briefly abused as puppies are forever scarred by it no matter how much love and attention they receive from then on. All mammals as far as I know have these kinds of early-life trauma/strength affecting their entire lives.

[@christinecornezcolmenero9356]

Wow! I'll admit I started listening to you because you chose to speak to the 90 days fiance participants. But what a jewel of understanding. You really explaining projective identification narcism (previous episode) and the origins so well. I'm truly impressed and subscribed.

[@brookeackland3737]

As a psychotherapist in training (my Master's is very relational/humanistic), this is like supplementary reading. Thank you

[@chevonjackson]

We love when you so Darcey because we care about her. Thank you for sharing your point of view.

[@CIST3]

Dr. Honda cracks me up. "Go to therapy! You need couple's counseling! Therapy will help!" This video was very good. I learned a lot about projective identification. It's very interesting and explains some things to me from my past where my partner explicitly told me that I was "mentally unwell" and when we went to counseling, the therapist said that it was my partner who was projecting his pathology onto me. From the outside everyone around us was saying the same thing as the therapist. That's some of the craziness that happens with a narc.

[@aliceisback6450]

Out of my personal experience, as I have a father who is a narcissist , I also for many years found myself in many toxic dysfunctional relationships. The first step for me was to acknowledge that it was not that I ''found'' myself in them or that I had terrible luck per say but the fact that I chose them. Maybe not consciously but I did. I believe that one of the many reasons I chose them was a subconscious desire (that might not make sense) of redoing that same model I had with my father but do it ''right'' , like ''win over'' someone who in some aspects (other more others less) made me feel like my father did when I was a child. Maybe by coming out a ''winner'' out of the same emotional and physiological place I felt like I lost myself in childhood would make me find myself again. We as humans (I think) have a deep desire to make the world make sense to us, to fix things that are broken, to make ourselves strong especially if there were times we felt very weak and powerless but many of us just try to sing the same song over and over without learning to sing first or finding out what kind of song we really, truly want to sing.

[@hadizamohammed]

Dr Honda, how can we get out of the pattern of repeating relationships of the past? I recognize its bad for me and I know I don't want it but I keep getting caught up in the same patterns regardless.

[@chickab00m]

hadizamohammed I’d recommend the book “the science of attachment “.

[@ErkaaJ]

You have to get in touch with the part that makes you repeat the pattern. For instance, if I was (badly) rejected by a woman when I was young, then there's a high possibility that I will view all women as 'terrifying' since my ego is trying to prevent me from being rejected agian. Only if I can let that anxiety go away, that is overcoming the anxiety of the first woman, can I get over that fear. That's of course not easy, but whenever you find yourself in your situation (that you perceive as bad), try to catch yourself and reflect upon how you feel and why.

[@Feedaneeshaqua]

I desperately wish I could find a therapist like you

[@milliphoebe4416]

I find that I spend so much time analyzing different people and situations, so it's really fun to watch you do that and then I analyze your perspective... these videos are a blessing and a curse lmao.

[@finallyrob4231]

Loving that part where you went "I don't know why I am going into so much detail on this" And my brain is screaming "I want more details!" (Hi, I am studying psychotherapy by the way, so not a clinician but certanly in a similar field as you are in a few years)

[@ShristisWrld]

Your analysis and explanations are changing my life - It's amazing to see attachment theory play out in a real scenario & seeing how it relates to my life. Thank you Dr. Honda

[@JessaWabbit]

I have the same model as my parents of caring for someone when crying. I have to stop my knee jerk reaction where I will repeat what my sole caregiver would do, which is say things like “it’s not that bad, shut up, you’re making a fuss over nothing, you’re making everyone uncomfortable”. Thank you for helping me realise this through this video and some of your earlier podcasts

[@cheekychopsem]

Same - I used to invalidate my husband’s worries all the time as that was my experience growing up. I’m sorry to hear others have the same way.

[@Lotuslaful]

Great explanation Thank you Helpful One thing that surprised me was that a narcissist would feel hungry for love I always thought they were constantly full of love from self absorption as well as demanding the attention from others. I have never heard of that before

[@katerina6056]

I just love these analysis. Very helpful and inspiring. Thank you. I'm a psychologist from Poland :)

[@ratrobber15]

Watching Darcey and Jesse’s relationship gives me flashbacks on my previous relationship where there was no trust and when I wanted to voice my emotions, it is immediately blown off with ‘stop making drama’ ‘you do these things where you can’t shut up’ and it ended when we got into yet another fight, and he tried to singlehandedly strangle me to keep me quiet. It still sends shudders down my spine and I couldn’t look at him the same ever again. When I mention about that incident to him, he will immediately blame me for ‘overreacting’ and I was the one who started the fight. So glad I am out of that relationship...

[@kayredhawke1522]

‘GO TO THERAPY’ best part of the video 😂😂

[@rabbitblue1083]

Dr Honda, yes please continue to talk so clearly like this! It is very much easy to understand and interesting. This helped me so much to reflect on my childhood! Thank you thank you thank you 🙏

[@trinigyal6490]

Your videos have really opened my eyes, and taught me so much. Thank you! Keep up the good work!

[@denicesouza4387]

Yes, explain very well. Thoroughly. It's helping me understand things in the way I deal with relationships on a deeper level and I really appreciate it.

[@Sweetlittlehugs]

Still not as much denial as David, who still thinks he’s going to meet Lana.

[@ioanamoldovan8754]

Absolutely brilliant! Thank you so much, you have shed so much light on many behaviors that I have had for many, many years, and I could never understand why I keep doing that.

[@jasmine9581]

34:01 'do you see yourself moving out here' To my ears, the question + Jesse's answer made me assume she meant would he move the distance for a place/location like this...? Because there was another 90 day member who complained because she wanted to live in a big city, not a 'village'

[@roserouthier4814]

Your 49!!!! You look like your in your mid-30’s!!!! Keep up the good work! Lol

[@Vasilia4]

*After this, there is still the tell-all and that time Jesse travelsto New York just to break up with her, without telling her in advance. (She got botox just to look pretty for him)*

[@lisas7111]

What about the one with Angela?? Is it in this season?

[@candicescott7176]

She got Botox to look better for tv & her FaceTime with other online dating sites.

[@wutangyang6611]

@@candicescott7176 Yeah Darcy's been getting botox long before she met Jesse lol.

[@coyote_in_the_city]

wow thanks so much for the in depth talk about all these aspects!!! everytime you asked does that make sense, I was nodding with wide open eyes!

[@pebblescupcake8095]

Lmao I'm so invested in this series 😩

[@toocutepuppies6535]

Consider it therapy!😉 It sure makes me appreciate my husband!

[@aiya3145]

SAME! It makes my day seeing another 90 day fiancé reaction vid!!

[@victoriafarjon858]

13:40 - 15:03 . When you speak on how we repeat past relationships, care for others like we have been cared for, and have a negative internal dialect due to our past, is this changeable? Can people over time (with guidance) change their inner dialect and not go to bad relationships just because it's familiar? (I understand that I might be paraphrasing you wrong but I'm very curious if we are able to change how we find/act-in relationships profoundly if coming from a toxic childhood)

[@racharina]

I have always have the same question. Growing up, I was criticized so much, to the point that today I totally self criticize myself a lot, I have a lot of insecurities. I don't know how to take compliments, I feel people are lying (my husband rarely says anything good about me either - I ended up in the same vicious cycle). It is so debilitating. I have to tell myself so much that I am worth it, and it is hard to believe myself. How do we change our imprinted self negative thoughts?

[@cremebrulee4759]

It is possible, but it takes a lot of hard work and a lot of time. You slso need to find a competent therapist that you connect with.

[@4everu984]

Yes! Great therapy is everything.

[@Idaaaaaaaa3193]

I wonder why the producers won't offer couples' therapy on the show. Would be really helpful, wouldn't it?

[@OdaraCreations19]

This is the only KZbin channel where I literally take notes while listening. This is really life changing

[@maxfitnesstraining1585]

Thanks for the new content and your dedication to actually watching right from the start. Can you PLEASE do Nicole & Azan from the begining after you are done with Darcey & Jesse please, would love to know what you make of their "relationship".

[@tiffanyk4766]

we accept the love , we think we deserve. I find ur videos more therapeutic than talking with my own therapist. Plus i have no way to seeing my therapist rn cuz of quarantine so thank you ♥ Makes me feel less lonely

[@kl6902]

Love this channel and appreciate the content. I love that I can learn about communication and relationships. Really helpful.

[@liliaricci9348]

Both of my relationships kind of just fell in my lap, and I started loving them like one is "supposed to", which made things worse causeIi was mimicking proper affirmative behavior to a relationship I didn't really care about, wanted, or even liked. Blows up in the end and a year or so later I'm like where the fffff am I with who right now? Then i want to violently tear away and the other person doesn't know why I'm being such a jerk and I'm like Bryson Tiller "baby it's been that waaaay". And now that I know this, I'm trying to be more myself with people who want to get to know me privately. No sense putting on airs, it just makes me feel more isolated and exhausted in all relationships because not being myself means the support and company I want is not being reciprocated cause im not refining the kind of company I keep.

[@lisas7111]

Your hair looks great!!

[@millebuchpedersen4510]

Your explanation of projective identification was very helpful to me. Keep up the good work with these videos.

[@broGabiza]

Thank you finally Doc for the psychodynamic explanation of Darcy and Jesse's relationship. I wish you had done this for all the other series. I am happy that you mentioned that both had some childhood issues. Thank you for this series. Darcy was criticized and put down all her life and her relationships just repeated . Jesse had the same issue too and he tends to blame, project and criticize, typical of his childhood life as a child of an alcohol. Thank you once again for a more balanced analysis

[@reginayfavors]

Because of this lecture and the previous four, beginning with Darcey #5, I now realize why I have been choosing toxic relationships. I was basically recreating my home life and my relationship with my mother. Thank you, Dr. Honda.

[@Dr_Nutrition]

I honestly understand so much better now why I choose the relationships I do (including friendships) & why my husband & I work because we do recreate those early relationships but we do listen to each other & change slowly for the better so it has worked for 13+ years thankfully unlike my first marriage relationship. Thank you for sharing your extensive knowledge.

[@killrqueen]

wow the way you explain these challenging concepts is incredible! thank you!

[@miazander]

I didnt wnt to mention the hair again, but as I see others did.............your hair is beautiful to look at; the dark color, the obvious health and the shine is just gorgeous

[@miazander]

oh, I forgot to mention the beautiful waves

[@sierranyokka8435]

Dr. Honda thank you so much for the excellent explanations. As a layperson who is very interested in psychology it's wonderful to be able to access your knowledge via this medium. I feel that this is a excellent learning opportunity and I truly appreciate it.

[@Thehometownhavencollection]

As someone who has a bachelors in Psychology but ended up as an entrepreneur due to a lack of career guidance, your analysis and insight is so interesting to watch. I feel like I've learned so much about myself and the relationships I've experienced. I love being an entrepreneur and hate the 9-5 but if I were to have a job, the only one I'd even consider would be a therapist. Love the channel and the insight of what could have been for me ❤

[@ChristinaChrisR]

You are making perfect sense to me, I think it’s easy understanding what you’re talking about, and thank you for going into more details on the theories. As for what Jesse says in the car; that “yeah I like Connecticut I’d love to come back here” (or something along those lines) instead of saying to Darcey that he’d love to come back to see HER... it made me think about me sometimes expressing myself that way. For me, it’s not fear of saying “I love you and I wanna spend a lot of time with you” for fear of abandonment - it’s that I’m so afraid of saying things the other person will interpret as a promise, a promise I didn’t make and can’t make, and a deep rooted fear of being trapped in that and in the relationship. It doesn’t matter that I know I could leave the relationship at any time would I need to. The fear of hurting the other person is so strong that I’d rather hurt myself and end up alone (because people get tired of not being given any promises, in my experience, even if I give them all the love I have, which is a lot), than say something that they may interpret as a promise. (And yes I’m working on it, dr Honda, lol)

[@lavinder11]

The car conversation about moving to CT... I've been called out before for not explicitly stating my feelings towards a person in a relationship. I told the person that this was already understood, especially since the conversation we were having was about the relationship, so saying "yes I want to move here for you" every 20 seconds would be redundant. We ended up breaking up. He said I was too distant and I said it was for the best. For me, the need for constant reassurance from me legit was scary. There was a breaking point when this guy was holding onto my leg because he didn't want me to go anywhere. I had to leave after that. It became too much.

[@jasmine9581]

I can't relate to the 2nd paragraph, but I agree with you on the 1st paragraph If it's within the context of a relationship or something, then it's either a given that it's partially for them, or that specific question (like Darcy's) just comes off (to me) like a question about the location itself

[@barkspasenine]

I love the level of explanation and detail in this series

[@PCOSnutrition]

Really enjoy your lectures(and 90day fiance)! It brings a lot of self reflection and understanding to relationships and development. I have little background on psychology and this is really informative!