90 Day Fiancé - (Nicole & Azan #41) - No Store - Therapist Reacts

[@FunFilmFare]

"...there is no store" * *shocked Pikachu face* *

[@sandytherry8647]

I believe Nicole and her fiancé may have Attention Deficit Disorder.

[@FunFilmFare]

@@sandytherry8647 Hopefully Nicole didn't pass it down to her daughter

[@marisapetrucelli5574]

@@sandytherry8647 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👍

[@Stiasteny]

- how is the store going nicole?? - none of your business Well, it's none of nicole's business either Badum tssss

[@dollparts4918]

“How’s the shop going?” “IT’S GOING!!” Nicole is a terrible liar 😂

[@abbyt8948]

You forgot "It's going! It's a shop." 😂😂😂

[@StrawberryHills]

Yeah, going nowhere

[@yoyoyo5621]

i think to her having a man is a lot more important than taking care of her kid. I feel like there's a lot of parents like this. like they are all about having a significant other and kid....eh not so much in priorities.

[@carrielucas5672]

Exactly!

[@jke387]

My biological mother.

[@Bauhaussauce]

Y E S

[@itsmejoy8918]

I cant understand that mindset one bit. Hopefully, she changes...I could care less what my personal life is like. My husband is important but NO ONE comes before my children. Unlike a grown adult, children NEED their parents.

[@thatlibrariangirl]

Agree for the most part I think it’s more about Nicole just being immature and selfish. So her priority is herself instead of her child

[@violetapelzman4316]

They didn't tell her mom that they were "thinking of opening a store" she told her there was a store.

[@bellalago749]

new dr. honda shirt: unlocked

[@kmonkey8874]

LOL

[@ilikealison]

lmaoooo

[@julola3862]

😂😂😂

[@mariek.474]

Someone commented on a previous video we've seen all his shirts.. I guess he or Stacy took note 😭 hahah

[@ModernSouthernBelle]

“HOW’S THA STORE NICOLE?!” Step daddy took me out 😂😂😂😂

[@kelaba]

One of my all time favorite lines 😂😂

[@leionarose]

Not gonna lie, her reply totally reminded me of Napoleon Dynamite

[@kokolatte825]

He's a savage.

[@AlieUnscriptedTV]

This is random but I love your user name ❤️

[@ninidecoss2633]

he a savage bruh 🤣🤣💀

[@Fluffy288]

Its so unfortunate to have to witness nicole not prioritizing may's needs. I agree with Dr Honda, its one thing to sabotage your own life, but its another to sabotage your own child's life.

[@maxfitnesstraining1585]

Dr Honda, Nicole is so desperate to be with Azan that she is willing to sacrifice her daughter's development. We've seen her with this no plan attitude before, like when she first went to Morocco her family asked her if she had researched the country and customs. Nicole replied "nope". When Robbalee asked how is her, Azan and May going to survive financially after Azan arrives in the US since he won't be able to work for some months until he files for adjustment of status for his temporary green card. Nicole replied with a shoulder shrug and said she'll "wing it" 🤦‍♀️ If she didn't have a daughter to take care of it would be funny.

[@kristalcampbell3650]

How did she get to the point where she hates herself so much that she's wiling to put up with this person who is using her to get crumb of validation? I think once that problem is fixed things may approve because shell see more clearly how things are.

[@maxfitnesstraining1585]

@@kristalcampbell3650 absolutely but unless Azan flat out tells her he doesn't want anything to do with her anymore and the situation will go on and on. How many years is it now? At least 5. Everyone else can see it but her that he has no interest in a future with Nicole. She clings on for dear life to someone who doesn't want her and gives her no commitment.

[@jsully2413]

Honestly the best thing her parents could do is stop providing Nicole money. It would make Azan go away, it would force her to gain financial freedom, and they could take Nicole to court to request custody of the granddaughter (because they could easily prove that Nicole cannot take care of her daughter with how she isn't providing her daughter an education) so that their money can go specifically toward taking care of the granddaughter while Nicole gets her life in order.

[@maxfitnesstraining1585]

@@jsully2413 I very much doubt that Robbalee has the appetite to take her daughter to court to gain custody of May...and why should she? She's already brought up her kids I'm sure at her age she would rather focus on her own life. She's only doing all this much because she feels she has to because Nicole wasn't stepping up. Plus realistically there is no court in the land that will give custody of May to Robbalee just because Nicole gives money to Azan and May almost missed a few weeks of kindergarten (she went on time in the end) the courts have got bigger fish to fry.

[@mariahlasserud4076]

This reminds me of my Dad. One example is I asked him when I was young (probably elementary school) if I could do my own laundry because one of my friends did her own. He said no. Fast forward a couple years and I told him I needed some of my clothes washed. He flipped at me and asked if he was supposed to do my laundry forever. It seemed like I was just supposed to know what to do without ever being told.

[@jasmeen5712]

Same...

[@Kouu17]

So many Asian parents i know or heard of are like this. They expect you to just know how to do things without really teaching or showing you.

[@Kouu17]

@Itsjusta Hemi Sure. But I'm Asian and I'm talking about families I know and friends I know. I can't just assume things about other people.

[@omgwafflesdaisy]

There are jobs out there like that. you get scolded at because management assumes you should’ve done something that you were never told to/ taught .

[@kristalcampbell3650]

@@Kouu17 black parents too. Its like your needing to learn things and get care is an inconvenience to them.

[@suhanndee]

“How’s the store going, Nicole?” “None of your BUSINESS!!!!” How is this girl 24 and not 14?

[@friedchickenisha3004]

If she has been put down her whole life, it isn't hard to see how she didn't get a chance to make mistakes and learn. Had to experience this myself. Im almost 30 and still catch myself acting like an immature 15 yr old. It really sucks when your family is too busy criticizing you to actually be supportive. I never felt comfortable jumping into things so now I'm having to parent myself and remind myself that I am capable. I don't support her decisions but i can understand them and sympathize. Not trying to sound aggressive lol but im just saying i get it.

[@danhhoang5947]

@@friedchickenisha3004 I get it too. It’s easy for me to regress to that immaturity when I’m being talked down by my parents. Hope you’re getting there!

[@VenusDeMilitant]

Damn, it's good to see you finally acknowledge the effect Nichole's absurdly immature nature has on Mae. I understand your wanting people to get professional help, but most of these folks don't even see a problem. They can't fix what they can't see.

[@daringone657]

I was so glad to hear him say that at the end.

[@mrsa6925]

Right. Like, FINALLY! 😩

[@snoox27]

Tbf he has to see the issue to comment on it. Plus he probably wants to focus on the adults who consented to be in this show.

[@charlessmith4057]

Now he just needs to figure out that people trying to "control" Nicole are really just trying to protect May from her reckless stupidity.

[@kokolatte825]

@@charlessmith4057 by making it worse and enabling Nicole. They are all locked in a pattern that is not healthy for any of them. That's the point.

[@alexandrabeltran9921]

Ok... Nicole replies "non of your bussiness!!!" ok.. You are staying at his house.. Not providing a dime for them or your daughter.. And has the nerve to get mad??? She is worse than a 14 year old teenager!!! Where are the 6000 dollars?!! Think of your daugther!

[@alizsesdevon753]

This is violent... hate looking at Nicole's irresponsibility but this is just too much.

[@khorneflakes773]

@@alizsesdevon753 It's not too much, it's true.

[@steelstrings4]

She’s still allowed to have her feelings, especially when she’s getting yelled at, without being gaslighted, no matter what her living or financial situation is.

[@alexandrabeltran9921]

@@steelstrings4 Of course she is allowed...but i think that she should be more grateful and respectful towards members of her family that support her financially.

[@arialnazar4777]

Nicole hasn’t been prioritizing her daughter from day 1. There’s nothing wrong with dating. But to prioritize chasing men over your own child, is a huge red flag for me. However, I would like to point out that I don’t like Robalee. She’s the one who raised an irresponsible adult. At some point she has to stop enabling her daughter

[@marzipanmerci1068]

Yes, I also see them that way. Somehow, Robalee looked like she never allowed Nicole to develop her own maturity, and always jumps in to solve Nicole's problem because to her Nicole is a hapless child. To Nicole, Robalee stepping in to solve her problem for her, that is a comfort bubble, of course she gonna cling onto that. Plus, due to the lack of opportunity to learn forward, she is forever stuck at one stage, and that stage is of determining the problem, but she doesn't know how to survive the next stage, that is to find solution to it and execute it.

[@MagicUzer]

WHAT ABOUT HER FATHER??????!!!! WHY ISN'T HE GUIDING NICOLE???

[@charlessmith4057]

@@MagicUzer BEACUSE SHE DOESN'T LISTEN TO ANYONE Check your capslock.

[@alp2610]

Blame the dad too

[@kristalcampbell3650]

I really wish they'd stop having these conversations with Mae in the room. She might not hear everything but I'm sure she's picking up some things and constantly hearing my parent has no plan for me and everyone is mad at her is a one way ticket to anxiety and parentification town.

[@stephanieclark1487]

Poor thing is on her own at that age except her grandparents. So I can see it. Her mom is a child.

[@kokolatte825]

@@stephanieclark1487 you missed her point entirely.

[@stephanieclark1487]

@@kokolatte825 No I didn’t miss the point I was just making the comment I wanted to make about it.

[@ninidecoss2633]

one time i saw a clip of them in the car and azan would be pulling away and extremely cold to nicole but he had his hand between maes legs very strange i feel for that baby lord protect her

[@rishaa682]

dr kirk basically having to explain why we shouldnt abuse our children during their developmental years🤦‍♀️

[@snoox27]

Sad state of things when people actually need to be told these things.

[@anaprimo3005]

What a world we live in huh

[@Alex-ph5ir]

@@youtube.account-d9v And a lot of parents even think that if they do beat their kids, they're not abusing them. Many people don't understand that it's still abuse even if it's not every single day. Case in point: my dad lol.

[@rishaa682]

@@youtube.account-d9v not everyone should be having kids

[@theresaricci5619]

risha :children don’t ask to be born. They suffer for the adults ignorance. Nicole is stubborn and has tunnel vision. Hassan has some set. There are women that are “quietly “ abused. They wsnt a man

[@annied3315]

Dr, Kirk is the dad we wish we had; stepfather is the dad we have😂

[@odettamatthews6960]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@lilbeanbop]

My parents had to put my twin siblings on the waiting list for primary school before they were born to ensure they got in. They didn't even have names yet, just 'Twin A' and 'Twin B' 😂Talk about thinking ahead!!

[@AntediluvianRomance]

That sounds like an awful situation with schools.

[@soukeynaadeleseck]

@@AntediluvianRomance it might be a private school.

[@AntediluvianRomance]

@@soukeynaadeleseck Then it must be an especially good school!

[@maryannebrown2385]

Lily This was a private school, correct? I think many urban areas with perhaps poor city schools are like this. I am in Chicago and there are definitely elite schools. I know New York can be really tough.

[@laurenmanning6287]

That’s smart for twins! It would suck if only one of the twins got in and your parents would have had to decide what to do with the other one.

[@kimosabe818]

As a family scapegoat i can attest to the impossible mission of being responsible....and it's a powerful dynamic. When my second daughter was born, and my mom saw her as theatrical i knew that my daughter was gonna be next. She was two years old when i cut all ties with the family...

[@goosebump801]

So sad to hear. I’ve heard similar stories. The silver lining is that I bet you’ve built yourself a solid ring of friends who function somewhat like a family 💐

[@alexism848]

I am that person for my family. I am only just realizing this and working on getting out. It is so hard but i know it will be worth it.

[@kimosabe818]

@@goosebump801 for sure! And the freedom of living my life the way i see fit, the ending of generational abuse in my family....my girls are free! And it's a scar, missing family...i'm just not missing MY family. But the pain is there

[@kimosabe818]

@@alexism848 what i did and helps me today: i even suggested family therapy and i sought advice in every corner (professional). That solidified in me that i did not have a choice. They didn't want therapy or advice or help..

[@BrooklynBaby100]

100% agree… once anyone sees anyone as a “joke” or “jester” in the family, it’s over. You’ve become the joke or the scapegoat and it’s done. Nobody respects you, even if you have a good heart. Good riddance.

[@briesthoughts2261]

Yay!! Dr. Kirk is discussing Nicole’s immaturity when it comes to raising May.

[@meganwoehl5277]

Dr. Honda, if you were seeing Nicole and her family, what would you recommend to help Mae while Nicole (and the family) learns to be more self reliant? It seems that Nicole's irresponsible actions pose a threat to Mae's upbringing. Should her primary care be the responsibility of someone else while Nicole learns to grow up? Or would Mae be fine relying on Nicole even when Nicole can't even rely on herself? Genuinely curious and concerned. She doesn't seem to think of Mae nearly at all. It's like she thinks of her as more of a cute pet instead of a human who has to learn the ways of the world.

[@goosebump801]

I’m curious about this as well. I can see arguments in favor of a variety of approaches: A) Mom keeps Mae and cuts N & A off financially (tough love) for a time, to promote self-reliance B) Mae stays with N (& therefore A); Mom checks in frequently and swoops in to rescue Mae as necessary, but cuts N & A off financially C) Mom continues to support N & A, but keeps Mae to ensure a solid upbringing Yikes - all of these sound hard on Mae...and tough for Mom/Robbalee to implement 😱

[@denisia1111]

If social services stepped in Robbalee would get Mae. Nicole would have to go to parenting classes and prove she can financially support Mae herself(plus much more). Everytime Nicole is late to a visit or court it's a mark against her n the case takes longer. My guess is Robbie would end up adopting Mae. My family does foster care and CASA volunteering so this is my experience with the system.

[@ingegerdthoren4296]

Agree ! is so terrible to se and to hear Nicolas now!! Feel so sorry for Little May

[@kokolatte825]

@@goosebump801 C would not ensure anything for May. That's what they've been doing this whole time. Time to step back and let Nicole live. I dont even think Nicole wants Hassan, I think she likes the attention she gets from other.

[@MyvIsLove2]

my mother (my parents are divorced) raised me by doing everything for me. i never had to take care of anything and she would always take care of it. she even wrote my applications for jobs because i didnt know what i wanted to do. i still dont know. i had to develop independence myself from zero and it was the hardest thing ever. i was a super shy, anxious mess. i did my license at age 25 because at 19 i was having the worst anxiety attacks in a car with blackouts. i was just extremely shy and lacked any form of confidence. i mean i still lack a lot of confidence but i made it and i would never ever do that to my child. people cant relate to me because they will just say 'well good for u' since parents usually arent like that but growing up isolated like this is the worst you can do for your childs future. my brother is 35, still lives with my mom, doesnt know anything about the world and how it works, probably never went grocery shopping, has no drivers license and yeah... the situation worries me but you cant force someone to just change 360 degrees. my mother also doesnt understand why anyone of her children would move out. she just doesnt get the concept of growing up, i dont know... its a weird mindset. they dont see that something is wrong; i do. im so glad im in my own apartment now and can proudly say that im finally independent

[@yoyoyo5621]

aww good job

[@lisaess6514]

Good for you. I hope you give yourself the credit you deserve. ❤️

[@rainbowhairsings]

I am glad to read this as I fear I am living a similar life.

[@stefanie0158]

I'm 17 so I'm still very young but next year I m moving out and I litteraly don t know how to do any basic task

[@MyvIsLove2]

@@lisaess6514 thank u so much for your kind words. I do! I am proud of myself all the time when I realized I'm getting stronger and I also stopped comparing myself to others

[@rodrigopacheco12]

Dr. Kirk Honda, 41 episodes in: "maybe Nicole is just that dumb."

[@1standlast]

Lmaoo 🤣 nice

[@asunnywebb]

It is fun when he says what we're all thinking.

[@mariamnavarro4548]

He did admit to giving her the benefit of the doubt

[@charlessmith4057]

@@mariamnavarro4548 He also gave anyone opposed to her in any way the detriment of the doubt. It's not optimism it's bias.

[@dalbert-cv2dk]

Azan has NEVER been into Nicole. She has continued to create her own reality of how things are between her and Azan. Poor May!

[@daringone657]

I’m here for the train wreck.

[@maddielopez8625]

Daring One CHOO CHOO

[@oyshema]

I love your explanation of the “blameless” aspect of the family systems theory you use. The comments lately holding your feet to the fire about not blaming someone enough have really bothered me. I personally would love to hear more about how reserving judgement, being optimistic & delaying or completely avoiding blame, both helps & hinders you in life. I personally am working hard to cultivate goodwill towards & good faith in those around me.

[@wombatnumbat989]

I, for one, do believe it is possible to be optimistic, to reserve judgement, and avoid blaming someone while still setting reasonable expectations. Nicole does have responsibilities regarding May. Supporting her in developing the ability to meet those expectations would help her mature.

[@catspajamas2961]

People are not holding his feet to the fire for not blaming someone enough. It's because ignoring the actions of an abusive partner, while analyzing the other partner as if she is just acting out, not reacting to abuse, leads to an inaccurate analysis of the abused partner. Not saying the abused partner is perfect, just that a lopsided analysis of a situation is probably not going to be accurate.

[@kokolatte825]

@@catspajamas2961 what abuse are you talking about? It seems that some of you wanted Dr. Honda to place blame and you can't seem to get over that.

[@Tamarind525]

May is entering kindergarten like imminently in this vid. Nicole has had 24 years to grow up. At what point does a family member, like grandmother, step in for the sake of May?

[@camiba6773]

I think now robberies has stepped in and taking care of may. Nicole is still in Morocco chasing after Azan

[@AisforApple1346]

@@camiba6773 she’s back in the states now. But i agree. We have all said that robalee needs to get custody of May. She’s raising her anyway

[@crystalhogan3834]

She doesn't know what she is doing she is living in a fantasy world her sister was saying she could hear Nicole in her room crying 😢 at night

[@lolob9733]

I don't think she wants to admit she was wrong the whole time

[@Madameformaldehyde]

@@lolob9733 She knows she is wrong. But ending things now would validate that he doesn't love her. I think that anyone would be heartbroken. She's not ready to feel that yet.

[@everydayoilmommies5091]

Avoiding the truth does not mean it’s not true. It just keeps her from solving the problem. It just wastes her life that could be spent in happiness and success.

[@mariamnavarro4548]

@@lolob9733 ding ding ding

[@goosebump801]

@@everydayoilmommies5091 All quite true...but that doesn’t make it any easier for Nicole to face up to it 🤷‍♀️

[@aspcia]

Please more examples of healthy ways to facilitate independent children ! I was taking notes lol

[@s.melonita4454]

I have got a Dr. Kirk notebook from taking so many notes haha

[@sovietruski7281]

I just wanted to say that these videos are so inspirational to me. In each one i have learnt a new lesson - how to be a better partner, daughter, friend, sister, employee. Please don't ever think that these videos dont help anyone because they really really do. So many youtube channels now are based on negativity and putting other people down and yours is....well you're just such a good person and you bring the best out of others. That last bit really sums it up

[@searranolan1010]

I agree!! I have only been watching Dr. Honda for a few months now and my goodness!! I have caught myself being a better parent and partner with his advice. I also loved a book he recommended; I'm still reading the book but it has improved my relationships greatly in such a short amount of time!

[@sovietruski7281]

@@searranolan1010 hes a lovely man :)

[@crystalhogan3834]

She allegedly gave him the money to get a divorce but it never happened giving him money knowing she has a kid SMH 😠🤬

[@Junkyty]

I thought it was to pay back the sister for the amount she spent on the first wedding (that never happened)

[@mara8809]

No it was to pay off the other wife so she’d accept their marriage and all three would be married. They can’t get married unless the other wife/ves agree.

@@mara8809 what??????????????????

[@GHo224]

I heard that it is just a rumor

[@breanna34]

Where is the proof of this other wife!? Every one always mentions another woman, but where is the evidence

[@purplesonny4571]

I just want to thank you for this reaction series. My life is not as chaotic as Nicole's and I would like to think I'm not as irresponsible as her, but I'm now 25 and transitioning into adulthood has been hard for me. Watching you react to Nicole and her family's relationship has helped me to see why that is. Most of my life I had a very similar relationship with my parents, we had a very close but also in certain ways chaotic family (Watching Darcey & Jesse videos was very hard for me, we definitely had a lot of moments like that at home, my dad was/is very similar to Jesse). I had a lot of undetected mental health issues growing up, so I became naturally a "baby of the family". I used to wonder what is wrong with me, why am I so immature when I compare myself to other people my age, why do I have such bad self-esteem. Your videos have definitely helped me to see the situation better. Nowadays I live away from my parents and it has helped me to mature a bit. I still struggle making choices and taking care of myself, but I feel like things are getting better, and my anxiety has gone down a lot. It's stressful every time I go visit my parents, because every time I go back I regress very badly back to bad habits and feel like a teenager again, since my parents still treat me the same way. You've made me realize I need to go back to therapy once this pandemic is over, right now the situation is kinda hard in the country I live in. Thank you for giving all this knowledge for us for free on youtube, I really appreciate your hard work!

[@christianone6611]

I like you addressing the "family system" issue. Everyone plays a part. Each person taking responsibility for their own part WITHOUT BLAMING self or others... is of the utmost importance in every family. Thanks for pointing this out.

[@GabriellaLascano]

Yessss holiday Dr Kirk is hereeee

[@queef_latif]

This comment is 🖤

[@megankools18]

Dr kirk’s plaid matches Nicole’s! A coordination king!

[@MsJeanneMarie]

Hahah the holiday edition!

[@Sandra8675SecondLife]

Why is no one bringing up the fact that many schools located in other countries are set up to let both foreigners and people from the 'native' country attend?? Many times these schools cost nothing... You only must prove you live in the country/ city to go to the school in question. Many times the teachers will speak the 'native' language of the country in question and also 'English' as an example. And these teachers will have separate curriculum for 'English' speakers and so forth. Also, for a lesser fee than paying for a private school in a foreign country an American can choose to home school. Yes... supplies can be sent to a parent from the US through mail or online to whatever country the American person is located in outside the US. This is done on a regular basis by Americans outside the US. And if the child needs extra help a tutor/ multiple tutors are hired to help with specific subject(s). Also... Private schools located in other countries cost much less than private schools in the US.

[@jordanclay8517]

I'd like for Dr. Honda to react to Hoarders, I know they usually have professionals on site, but I'd be curious to hear his insight.

[@mariamnavarro4548]

Hoarders and well as love after lockup is a whole another rabbit hole

[@kokolatte825]

@@mariamnavarro4548 I don't think we see enough of the individuals on Love After Lockup for him to examine it.

[@Shortkingharry]

I don't know that hoarders would be within the sort of practice Dr Honda has, he reacts to these kind of shows because they overlap his practice as a family/relationship psychiatrist.

[@PaulthePlantGuy]

Is it possible that Nicole’s parents had tried to foster her independence as a child/young adult and Nicole was not able to handle it? Maybe her mother feels the need to step in/control Nicole because she has never exhibited good planning or decision making. Is any one else wondering this?

[@evanz2704]

It's gonna go down like this: May grows up in this dysfunctional family until she herself is old and long-suffering enough to seek help. That's when she'll work through all of that. The sad reality is that we can't pull children from their parents or families for "simply" being dysfunctional. She'll have to deal with it on her own as an adult.

[@mazzmj5809]

Can you explain why the dynamic forces Nichole to be immature? You say she seems more "grown up" when she is not around her family but she still seems really immature to me. And them telling her to stop being immature means they want her to be mature. Why does the dynamic means she HAS to be immature. There are a lot of people that act/do their own things when the parents are trying to control. Can people break their own dyamic? I am just confused 😅

[@AntediluvianRomance]

I guess she's stuck at that mental age when you can't stop fighting your parents.

[@jacquelinele9170]

Yes you can break out of family dynamics but it's really difficult! I've seen people who haven't lived with their parents for yearssss but once they go back home, they fall into a similar dynamic. I think I've read an article this year about it too since more people moved in with their parents due to COVID

[@once.upon.a.time.]

From my own perspective/experience: growing up my parents were very controlling. I knew almost nothing of the real world by the time I was 18. They also often told me to grow up, get a job, etc., however, they gave me absolutely no tools to do so. When I left home, I was still as immature as before, but I could act a little more normally because I wasn't under their oppressive rule. However, that didn't change the fact that I still had no idea how to do anything useful in society, and that I still behaved very immaturely. They literally handled everything and showed me how to do nothing for myself. Now, 8 years later, I still struggle with things like keeping a cleaning schedule and having normal conversations/relationships with people, though I'm leagues better than I was.

[@magdalenaswic9422]

My parents always put me down nad yell at me for little mistakes. I grow up with so little self confidence I'm still shook when someone tells me I did somenthing good. Now I try to fix this dinamic (4-years into therapy) and I'm hopeful my boy will grow up knowing his worth and knowing he's loved for who he is

[@abigailtrumbo178]

Sorry to hear that. I used to get it verbally over mistakes as well (forgetting to unload the dishwasher) and have been told by a counselor that I am extremely hard on myself, probably because of that. Now with my kids I make sure to point out and praise things like initiative, kindness, and creativity so it’s not just jumping on mistakes. I love seeing their eyes light up when, unattached to any negatives, their efforts are noticed and appreciated.

[@TheGipper4prez]

I would love for Dr. Honda to react to Welcome to PLATHVILLE! Omg it would be so intresting!

[@kmonkey8874]

YESSSSSSS

[@Shlomino]

Yes

[@searranolan1010]

Please!!!!!

[@missandromeda401]

Yes

[@quntface1518]

HOWS THE STORR GOIN NICOLE

[@mariamnavarro4548]

😎

[@StrawberryHills]

It's going..... nowhere

[@something4elissa]

Nicole’s Mum sees this for exactly what it is. I’m here for you Mum!

[@themachine9366]

I found your channel while single and it has been a great help understanding myself and others. Your compassion is inspiring and the examples of healthy communication has allowed me improve all my close relationships. Thanks, Dr. Honda. Your work is greatly appreciated!

[@ms5717]

Letting her learn by mistakes to make her more independent and responsible...I totally get the concept and I think the parents would love to do it if Nicole doesn't have a kid.... Nicole's lack of responsibility and planning will change May's life😢 I pray for May's happiness. And, hi kitty!

[@spectrespartan8140]

They wouldn't even if she was single and without children. You miss the point it isn't really about may its just about controlling Nicole. I know because my dad is like this only a lot more terrible

[@oloolederp]

@Prudence Lear but she doesn't feel like she's capable of taking care of herself and being responsible... that's what he was talking about for a big portion if the video, feeling inadequate

[@JLynnEchelon]

I have such a hard time figuring out Nicole. She acts like her daughter is like a doll or dog that just kind of takes care of herself. You can't just put off your child's education waiting for some guy. Enroll May in the US and move her later if need be, Azan is (according to this storyline anyway) not a parent and might not think to do these things, but parents do.

[@MagicUzer]

@@oloolederp Has she stated this or is this total speculation?

[@oloolederp]

@@MagicUzer oh my gosh thank you, total speculation, I'd have to ask her

[@Katie-kf4np]

I first heard of scapegoating when Dr Honda mentioned it . It explains why my mum even to this day has tried to be noticed excepted by her family . Her father would pull her by her ear (she has been deaf in that ear since her teens ) I think the rest of her sister treated her poorly . Because listening to Dr Honda everything that has happened came to light . My mum is 95 years old can you imagine even at this age your looking for acceptance.

[@mrsa6925]

That’s sad. Sorry to hear that.

[@Katie-kf4np]

@@mrsa6925 thank you for your kind words

[@ingegerdthoren4296]

So sad! to hear😢

[@kimosabe818]

Oh that is really sad.....aww. the worst part is that acceptance will never come...

[@Katie-kf4np]

@@kimosabe818 thank you Frederique

[@helenaf.3941]

Just loved this episode! Your "rambling" made so much sense and it's grate parenting advice. It made me understand what you where saying about Nicole much better. Thank you!

[@emeraldpilgrimfireuma]

Watching this seven minutes. Is Nicole hoping her mother will take the little girl to live with her?

[@lesleyjamieson2208]

Did anyone else google "Trapper Keeper"? Living in Ontario, I've never heard that one before

[@johnsmith-mv8hq]

Yeah, being in the UK, I had no idea what it was. :/

[@TheGipper4prez]

That's what us old timers call a folder 😂 and by old timers I mean people in their 30s

[@iso7991]

The trapper keeper instantly aged him 😂😂😂😂

[@goosebump801]

I think Trapper folders and Trapper Keeper binders became a thing ~1979, +/- 2 years - at least, in Salt Lake City, Utah 😂 I recall desperately wanting them, but having to use plain folders and a binder from the Clearance rack because the Trapper stuff was way more expensive 😔

[@thesachiba]

i had to google that also lol

[@asunnywebb]

Trapper keeper! I don't think the step-dad likes Nicole very much. I think he finds her pretty much intolerable. Probably for good reason. Although it's not great to watch.

[@sashaluq]

I'm only halfway through this video, and I want to share it with everyone that is having this family dynamic! Dr. Honda, you are dissecting the stereotype of an 'immature adult' so well! It's not any ONE's fault... it is the family system. The example of a kid getting their own school supplies is so relatable to everyone. Very clear. Thanks for this!

[@inesolujic2534]

I can't wait to see the rest of these now... I mean, not that I wasn't watching them every single day during lunch or before bed anyways 😂 but now I'm extra excited for these. I feel like we've turned a corner with this storyline! We're finally talking about how Nicole is irresponsible, how this impacts May, how this plays into her family dynamic and her mom's reactions, etc. Plus there was so much useful advice about how to break out of these negative patterns!

[@LolaRabbit]

As a grandmother I wouldn’t continue to go through this emotional upheaval year after year with Nicole and Azan. I honestly would have filed for custody because May deserves stability and someone who would focus on her needs more than Nicole seems to be.

[@yuukimasamura5143]

When desperate people put their relationships before their children - this happens.

[@KandyKas]

You are literally making me a better parent. I learn so much from your videos, thank you so much!

[@rebecca-borg]

It looks to me that perhaps Nicole is trying to keep things private both from her mum and the cameras.

[@meganwoehl5277]

Yup! Because Azan is married with 3 kids. Not sure if the mom knows this or not, but it certainly seems they are trying to keep it hush from the cameras for sure, but possibly from Nicole's family as well.

[@kmonkey8874]

Megan Swanston where are your sources for this?

[@MissesD123]

If I’ve learned anything from my hours of watching Dr. Honda’s commentary, it’s that I am deserving of love and care, I really REALLY do! ❤️

[@Niklejs]

22? 22? TWENTY-TWO?????? I'm 25 and I don't even want to call the doctor on my own...

[@Dogleg1957]

I wish I would have listened to Someone Like You dr. Kirk because I had an over functioning mother and because of that I was making poor choices early I'm life that eventually got me incarcerated. And it took me years to get out of that mindset. But growing up all I heard was you're just like your father you'll just end up in jail just like he did.

[@TheKim369]

So much of what he says makes great sense, but he overlooks that some systems include narcissists, in which case there is no desire to build confidence and competence.

[@susanasher221]

I think she's a classic example of someone who's been both indulged and emotionally abused at the same time. She feels entitled without anything on the inside to support that. i.e., narcissistic

[@chelmull8911]

"There's a shop. It's happening." Video title: No Store

[@maraedithross9877]

i wish you could've been there to see how my parents acted when I was growing up! I'm honestly so thankful for this channel because it's helping me recognize the flaws in my childhood and how I can fix that for my future children.

[@leasalazar1428]

Thank you for bringing me back to my adolescence with the trapper keeper reference. 🥰🤣

[@JanelleReneeWells]

I agree with your advice on these videos & I'm glad it helps people. However, I'm also here just to watch your adorably-hilarious shocked facial expressions as you witness all these train-wreck situations take place after you had tried to be so open minded/innocent about them & rooted for them. 😂💞

[@prab1255]

Loving the outfit Dr. Honda

[@andreapage8487]

Her stepfather is a savage 😂 I love him

[@alp2610]

He sounds so mean

[@mardefondo1774]

damn I think this has been my favorite episode. the way you spoke about raising an independent creature and how systems work and repeat themselves was beautiful and inspiring. love ya Dr Kirk

[@once.upon.a.time.]

I think a lot of people might have more empathy for Nicole if she didn't have a child. When you bring children into it, you kind of have to just "grow up." She should be doing what's best for Mae at all times now, and not focusing on chasing a man over her daughter.

[@cherrylattimore]

I love Dr Frankenhonda!! lol. But it triggers me so much to listen to him defend Nicole. I was May in this scenerio with an incredibly irresponsible parent. Never knowing where we were going next, if there'd be enough food,etc so it truly gets under my skin when he defends her like this. I listen to what he's saying and try to take it all in but there has to come a point where nicole must be made to take responsivblity for her lies and childish behaviour for the safetly of her daughter. I'm 50 years old now and haven't spoken to my mother since she dropped my sister and i off with a babysitter and never came back but i still remember the early years - vividly and can link all sorts of problems throughout my life back to those earlier traumas. Sorry to rant but that poor little girl. Also by saying it could take nicole 10 years to catch up! With a child that is unacceptable - mae would now be 15 and on the verge adulthood herself. so now we have another life that's going to need a lifetime of hard therapy. why haven't the grandparents just kept mae and then let nicole do her own thing and growing up lessons while mae is safe.

[@Shortkingharry]

This comment is old but I hope that you are happier now than what you faced in childhood, it was very sad yet informative to hear from someone in Mae's position

[@sharon7968]

No store and notice the cut shot at 0.26 to the Apple watch on his wrist? I think the repaid his sister in part with her savings and he pocketed the rest of her $6000. As you've said in previous episodes, he's not working, she was a part time barista (but she gave up her job and apartment) so how on earth do they pay for her life in the US, his life in Morocco and all the trips she takes overseas. I guess Nicole has a money tree at the bottom of her garden. I earn way much more than a barista and cant afford 1 holiday a year. Her pursuit of this perfect life she thinks is with Assan with zero regard to her daughter's future and well-being is astonishingly irresponsible and this is why the parents treat her like they do.

[@TNDRAV]

Omg i love this! So helpful!!! Not for my situation in a relationship but with my siblings. Thank you for great content! Keep going ! It’s helping through this difficult time.

[@sarahreinhart126]

Thank you for your perspective. I wish you did (maybe you have already) a video about family systems without the context of this couple. Just in general. I have a brother like Nicole but way worse, in part due to mental health issues. But he could be thriving if my parents would address the systems issue. I’ve been in therapy for 4 years and I still have a long, long way to go. English is not my parents first language so if I was to send them this video without them following the story of Nicole and Azan they might not understand the context. Again, thank you for your work! They are super helpful! You need to have a TV show or a larger platform, in my opinion. Your work is important and your voice is needed!

[@charlessmith4057]

"It's asking a lot for Nicole to raise her own child" This. This. This is why you're dangerous.

[@emanzeism]

How old is this footage? Wasn't there a "vacation in Granada" in the past where Azan didn't show up?

[@inesolujic2534]

I think it was this same episode...wasn't it??? They are making Moroccan tea and the step dad was like old guy level 9000 like, "Tea? What? Granada? Who's going to Granada? Nobody ever tells me anything" 😂

[@TheGipper4prez]

Yes this is a past season

[@maxfitnesstraining1585]

Its coming up in this season he's reviewing now. Probably by the next episode we'll see him cancel.

[@d.l.parham157]

She doesn't want to think about it because she is going on vacation to Granada? At this point in the show, was she really still working? Is the show funding her trips? I just don't understand how she affords some of the things she does unless the parents or the sow are contributing.

[@mariamnavarro4548]

And this is why her step dad is fed up

[@maxfitnesstraining1585]

She is paid for being on the show.

[@mariamnavarro4548]

@@maxfitnesstraining1585 Its been rumored the show doesn’t pay more than 2,000 per episode, so it still not quite enough to fund these trips. She also gets paid to promote fake news articles and sell products on her social media so that may explain why she can afford to travel and send Azan money. Also its clear she doesn’t pay any bills.

[@maxfitnesstraining1585]

@@mariamnavarro4548 the show pays $1000 per episode and $2500 for the tell all, for the OG 90 day fiance. For the spin offs shows like happily ever after, which is what I think we're watching now the fees are negotiated so we can never know how much the couples are getting. Back in the day Anfisa was the highest paid HEA cast member as she was the only one who hired an entertainment agent to negotiate on her behalf

[@d.l.parham157]

@@maxfitnesstraining1585 I actually know that but I got negative remarks when I suggested she was funding the both of them because they told me it wasn't enough. Well, if that's not enough, and her part time job isn't enough, then she must be getting money from somewhere. Does the father of her daughter pay child support? I am sure the grandparents would not let the child go without. I just think she is casual about the money because it is something she hasn't had to worry about.

[@lynnealex1518]

I love how you explained the functioner/overfunctioner relationship. It helps when someone demonstrates it so clearly as well. I hope you keep following Nicole because this lie in my opinion almost leads to a double life that to this day nobody knows what's real or not.... I'm curious what drives people to tell big lies like this and at what point is it compulsive or pathological?

[@spectrespartan8140]

They don't want their parents judgement so they lie about the relationship constantly. I did that with my dad

[@lynnealex1518]

@@spectrespartan8140 I can understand the snowball effect lying about the relationship, but lying about a store is really difficult to maintain. It seems very extreme and with the current stories of both having a double life.... this looks like the major starting point. Everything up to this point in the story is trivial or typical.

[@YourHippieGrandma]

I wish she would leave May with her grandparents and go off with Azan on her own. She prioritizes Azan over her daughter and while I understand her own traumas it disgusts me.

[@annadmytriyeva8057]

I grew up in family dynamics similar to Nicole's and I agree with Dr. Kirk - it is hard to start believing in yourself and build your own independent life when in your head you have your parents voices basically telling you "You can't do this alone", "I can't trust you with this" etc. Luckily years of therapy have really helped me !

[@ElRincondeAle]

Thanks for that wonderfull example about help a kid to gain security, etc ... I always wonder how can you raise kids in order for them to have functioning adults life and the less traumas possible ( regarding to family trauma)🤗🤗🤗🤗 I wish you could do that often so the parents out there who watch this channel help to build a better society... because actually I see very bad behaviors in tennagers... one example that happens (more than once in Spain) is that adults have been bitten by teenagers because those adults told them to wear mask and stop drinking alcohol in the streets, in public (more than 6 kids) .... Thanks

[@Characterispower9481]

I don’t think the step dad is just worried about Nicole I also think he’s annoyed he’s helping by funding the lifestyle of his step daughter and seeing nothing productive out of it. If this was just about Nicole that would be a different matter but she’s dragging May along on this train wreck and has no consideration for her safety. No the wonder her mother and step father have such massive issue. It’s one thing to act irresponsible and childish when you have only yourself but when you have a child, you grow the hell up. This girl whether we like it or not is not a mother. A mother isn’t just someone who gives birth. Your supposed to nurture, love and be the child’s protection

[@kmonkey8874]

may probably still isnt in kindergarten

[@rachelronix]

Dr. Honda!! Great video!! It shows your passion and it seems like how you would direct a parent in a session.

[@CatMom03]

Dr's kitty cat meowing in the background at 18:54

[@hermionehp1100]

I get so confused. I hear a cat, but the meows don’t sound like my cats!

[@noaomime]

This was such a great lesson in how Nicole is the way she is

[@Madameformaldehyde]

I don't feel bad for Nicole or Azan anymore. The only person being destroyed on this reality show is the children. May should have never been put on television. She's a toddler with a neglectful childhood put on camera for the entire world to see. She's going to grow up and look back at this. I'm stressed for her.

[@baseliacaliga]

It's such a shame there isn't a law that would prevent children from being featured on tv, protecting those little ones even when their parents won't. So many 90 day children could've been spared, especially baby May, Taeyang but mainly Drascilla, who has gotten so much criticism online for being such a wild, disorderly behaving child (and also for having such a unique name) while also being a literal toddler whose bio father is also a deadbeat and own mother so neglectful, poor Drascilla lost most of her baby teeth at age 4, and was still in diapers and drinking from a baby bottle at that age, despite not having any type of disability. Shame on TLC and shame on all those idiots and famewhores for allowing it to happen in the first place.

[@charlessmith4057]

Sacrificing her child's education: "unfortunate" Never miss an opportunity to soft peddle her I guess.

[@daeneryslilac6147]

Nicole is a classic "blinded by love" thing... But I'd say it might be one sided cause Azan is looking shadier each time. I don't like Nicole for being self centered only thinking about her wants with Azan and setting aside May. Does Azan really give her her emotional needs? If she cries every night, he turned down weddings, doesn't appear on tell alls, talks to other women, isn't readying to have a job to provide, cancels on vacations, wastes money, tells her he's not 100% attracted to her, calls her fat and lazy, cannot be affectionate-- I mean my God, what is left in there that she keeps hanging on? Azan knows that 6 grand could've gone to May's needs but he didn't care and took them. He knows he's taking from Nicole and the child, what kind of person is that? I wish a miracle of good change for them, or for Nicole to wake up, let go, there are others out there for her. Azan is not the only guy in the world.

[@irairod5160]

"Trapper Keeper"...oh, dear doctor, we must be close in age!

[@sonyabracho2347]

Yep- he must be close to my age too! 😂

[@everydayoilmommies5091]

The step dad is saying there are so many red flags it’s caused a fire, and Nicole is holding the fire hose and refusing to do anything.

[@Tamarind525]

Also any more thoughts Dr Honda on the deception regarding $ and store that Nicole has engaged in w her own family?

[@catspajamas2961]

I think the intergenerational family dynamic analysis was brilliant. I think the mother would need therapy as much as Nicole does for the situation to improve. I also think if Roballee doesn't get therapy to see her part in Nicole's problems, Nicole would have to limit contact extremely with her mother, while getting therapy herself, to have any chance of growing up. So for Nicole to have any chance, her mother would have to have serious long-term therapy as well.

[@rabbitgear]

I started watching Super Nanny recently, a show I haven't seen for like 15 years. Now when I watch it, I think about the stuff you discuss in these shows about family systems. The show is about the kid's bad behavior but the root of everything is the parents' actions. It would be awesome if you ever tried reacting to it.

[@stefanie0158]

I can t do anything that involves strangers on my own not even buy groceries lol I get too anxious

[@gypsylaine4515]

Nicole cares much more about hooking Azan than she does about her own child! May is a 2nd thought to her. I can't stand Nicole - she's so insecure and desperate!! It's been YEARS and there is no sign that Azan is really interested in marrying her. He's just using her for her money - money she should be using for May!

[@carolinaarroyo9868]

loved the video's title "No Store" haha

[@ted7099]

We love you Dr Honda! Also, it could be that there is no store, because Azans family spent 6,000$ on the second cancelled wedding, and the so called store is Nicole paying them back, without telling the show or her family.

[@dredubz5825]

I just feel so sorry for May. She doesn’t deserve any of this. It feels like she is just along for the ride.

[@Bauhaussauce]

Poor May 💔 this really hits home for me.

[@thatlibrariangirl]

I think at this point with the amount of money that magically disappeared Nicole has lost her right to say her mom has no business in any of this smh. I have a feeling they both spent it or nicole is dumb enough to really just give azan that amount of money

[@MP-kw8nd]

Me hearing the list of what a 22 year old should be able to do : Oh my god I have none of my life together