90 Day Fiancé - (Yve & Mohamed #8) - More Crying - Therapist Reaction

[@allthatsheiz]

To me he doesn’t really like her. He likes what she could do for him but not her as in marriage family forever

[@sunnypie2]

He actually thinks he can do better? She’s out of his league. She needs to find someone else. Seriously. But love can make one illogical

[@OriginalFatma]

My hope for Mohamed is that living in the U.S will begin to expose the very problematic and patriarchal ways of his previous environment and that he will grow into a more humane version of himself. He seems intelligent and good natured, simply unaware of the severe issues with his automatic ways of thinking. I tend to forget the type of society I grew up in until I'm faced with blatant examples that bring it all back. Here is a quick example of what life is like for a man in an openly patriarchal society: my 70 y.o mom yesterday informed me that one of her female friends is leaving on vacation and will be leaving her unmarried 40 y.o able bodied son home alone. The woman asked my mom to cook for her son and help him wash his dirty clothes because "the poor man will be left without care". Now I'm boiling so I will resume my workout.

[@MelanitaVilla]

I know doctor Kirk says that we should cry when in doubt but that doesn't work with my borderline sister, she makes it worse! It's like she wants to see a weakness in you and go hard to make you feel like you are worthless. Maybe you can record another episode on how to handle tough situations with people with personality disorders and have compassion for borderline individuals in your life, while protecting yourself. I no longer have a relationship with my sister because of her behavior but worry about my parents, who are currently enabling her behavior.

[@Ajhcr]

🤮

[@domm5715]

Haha intelligent?? I don't see that at all actually the opposite, but I could be wrong

[@Whatever-jk2nd]

Well crying isnt always the best, some people will react negative to crying unfortunately and showing emotions in general

[@Alltagundso]

I fully agree, but once you understand that they are in the wrong, you should explain that to them and stand up against this damaging attitude and behaviour.

[@shuq252]

I wonder if Mohammed’s emotional detachment from Eve (and her desire to have an “elaborate” wedding) is that he’s been conditioned to believe he has to provide for his family in the absence of his father, and a green card would open the possibility of him bringing his family some financial support. For him this “marriage” is a business transaction and he’s doing it for his family back home, not necessarily because he wants to be with Eve.

[@joywebster2678]

Yve has been supporting his family in Egypt until he came over. They spoke on how helpful her money was to them.

[@saraspencer2460]

Side note: the birds chirping in the background are delightful!

[@michelledig2741]

Dr. Kirk is giving Disney princess vibes in the best way

[@legzfalloffgirl5148]

Being married on a Star Wars set would be cool 😻😻

[@mamabente8646]

I think what's going on with Mohammed is that he didn't expect to be taking care of Yve's son as much as he does. He considers staying home and taking care of kids "women duties" as he has said before. Maybe he's worried that she just wants him as a babysitter and will never get him his green card. That would be a very embarressing existance for a man from his culture.

[@calliew311]

Wait til Dr Honda sees the latest episode. His faith in Love over green card may be shook. Lol.

[@jenfine]

I know it’s not popular to believe anyone on this show is using someone for a green card, but in this case, I feel like it could be possible. He’s singularly focused getting status over her or her feelings or their wedding. It’s not like she’s asking him to wait 2 years. It’s not that much longer. His lack of empathy or apparent feelings is so unsettling to me. She deserves better.

[@DeniseLareina]

Dr your first instinct was correct as he is just simply a green card hunter and no he doesn’t care about Yve

[@milian696]

He was cheating on her.

[@lovewithoutborder6051]

He is interested in green card nothing else

[@allyiahluvsyou]

He believes women are born to serve a man and that women also want this. He thinks Yve shouldn’t have any personal wants besides wanting to serve her husband. He can’t comprehend why she doesn’t just do what he says.

[@RBNY]

How did you come to these conclusions?

[@Delilah2112]

@@RBNY by observing his sexist, rigid and oppressive behaviours

[@Ajhcr]

@@RBNY it’s the Muslim religion and the culture of Islam in general I believe. Woman are for serving the man and making babies. It’s the more liberal ones that allow their wives to get a higher education or work. My cousin had to really convince her Muslim husband to allow her to go to nursing school, and then she took many beatings for her ambition, and ultimately had her children stolen away from her by her husband. While she was at school. She came home and they were all gone. He took them back to Jordan, where woman have no parental rights….

[@RBNY]

Thank you for the responses, guys! My point is that no one can know what he “believes,” “thinks,” or “can’t comprehend” unless he explicitly spoke to such things. Those are big leaps to make. Just my opinion as someone who is trying to be less judgmental. Trust me - I have my personal reasons (biases) to not like this guy. I was raised in a large family of Muslim men and I detest sexism - particularly when religion is used to justify misogynistic attitudes.

[@allyiahluvsyou]

This is just my silly uneducated opinion that I didn’t give much thought to. There is no way for me to know his beliefs obviously. Just talking out the side of my neck on a silly internet comment section. I apologize for not doing a full analysis before commenting.

[@dorelle]

My ex's defense towards my crying was to tell me that men were chemically turned off by women's tears. LOL Even if that is remotely true, wth dude!? lol

[@myra3266]

my boyfriend feels bad when i cry...not that he's doing something, but we're about to do long distance relationship soon, so i get sad thinking about it sometimes...he feels bad and tries to comfort me....and he asks for comfort if he's feeling stressed out...

[@dorelle]

@@myra3266 its great that you both can communicate your feelings, especially when having to go long distance for a while. I wish you both well :)

[@Erigato2010]

@Naturalandsweet1 exactly

[@lavinder11]

It's not true "chemically," but socially. In general, (hetero) men feel the need to take responsibility for their female partners happiness. So sad/crying registers as they are a failure.

[@Zullala]

Yes! My ex was like this too. He would be almost disgusted when I cried. Told me I was manipulative and I needed to grow up. That only babies cry 🙄. Which of course only made me cry more because now I'm feeling sad and I'm being insulted by someone who claimed to love me. I'm so glad he's my ex and I'm also glad your invalidating guy is your ex.

[@jantraenkong6319]

I can clear up a little confusion on his end. Weddings in Egypt are not officiated and celebrated on the same day for the most part. Couples typically sign their marriage licenses days , weeks, or even months before the marriage party occurs. It's not like here where everything happens all at once. Thats why its not a big deal for him. He was clearly very sheltered and never thought to ask about cultural differences in the United States and is expecting everything to be the same. Their relationship is doomed unless he can stop being so rigid on his expectations. Incidentally I'm a little suspicious he may already have a wife and /or kids in Egypt. Egypt is a high fraud country. A really common scam is to find an American woman to marry, divorce your wife, and then once they are here they will divorce the American and remarry the first spouse and bring her over. It's common enough that there's warnings about it on the embassy website.

[@haleymist09]

Eeeeeeeep.

[@nursetinalouise]

Maybe even that’s who “mom” is

[@ellendoucette7278]

Well that is very interesting. I hope this is not what is happening here.

[@Bookthoughts92]

This is why it’s important to know your facts before calling someone a psychopath 😒

[@jantraenkong6319]

@@ellendoucette7278 me too! She seems like a nice lady and doesn't deserve that but unfortunately it does happen

[@jmorphiscave]

He really wants to go home to his mom. He said it. Plus, he wants to make money to send to his mother. I believe these two are ill matched.

[@yvonned627]

So here’s my theory. From the beginning, Mohamed said he expected Yve to treat him like his mom. Moms typically put their kids first and kids are egocentric. I think he expects Yve to put him first…

[@yvonned627]

@QueenMushu and that’s why I’m happily single! 🙂even tho I’m sure there are good men out there, I’m just too old and tired to find them!

[@halifaxeh]

@@yvonned627 I’m with you! And when I bought a house by myself, my lawyer asked about me being single v divorced. I said single. She said, “smart woman!” 😂🤣 I have some friends with great husbands but I have at least as many with a man-child who’s a pain in the butt! 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@yvonned627]

@@halifaxeh love that response from your lawyer! And congrats on being a home owner!

[@halifaxeh]

@@yvonned627 thank you!

[@amberforcen1177]

He can’t just pick and chose when he is Muslim ! He shouldn’t even be sleeping with her or in the same home yet wants her to follow all the rules of Islam. How convenient for men to have a spiritual wife ! He has obviously been hurt by not having his father. His mother wiped his butt for him and he expects the same from Yve which isn’t happening. He is an impatient little boy who can’t function outside of his mommy . He will never cry for Yve the way he cries for his mom he is completely unattached to her.

[@kosovareduraku8165]

They did a religious wedding back in Egypt so he's not really picking and choosing actually

[@jola381]

@@kosovareduraku8165 you're thinking of Bilal

[@kosovareduraku8165]

@@jola381 no, I'm not. He answered this question multiple times on instagram

[@jola381]

@@kosovareduraku8165 eshte hiram te besh lidhje ne teqe me te krishtere

[@isabelneal428]

Yve seems so lovely, really. Mohamed, to me, truly doesn’t seem like he’s there for her. I believe he’s using her but we will see.

[@nancyjones6780]

Yve willfully ignores all the red flags. I want to feel sorry for her but I feel like she's not plugged in to what's actually happening. And she's hyper-focused on the wedding vs. The actual marriage!

[@VieraRabbit]

I always argue with logic and facts and it never occurred to me that stating my emotions would be more beneficial and that it would be more important than logic and facts. Today I learnt an important lesson and I’d like to thank you from my heart for that Dr. Kirk. I have a lot to think about after watching your videos and by you analyzing another’s people behavior I learn a lot about myself. Thank you one more time. Continue doing what you doing please, I’m sure I’m not the only one who benefits from your knowledge and experience.

[@Beebuzz623]

I love this for you ❤️

[@realhouseknives5095]

“when in doubt, cry!” put that on a mug or pillow!

[@sabrinaquesnel2195]

Or t-shirt!!!!! 😍😍😍

[@lunaj.pedersen4389]

I think Yve does want a special cerimony, but even more so I think she's eager to take advantage of the full 90 days to ensure they are compatible. It seems her doubts are growing, maybe because she has noticed that he doesn't seem flixible/like he will adapt his views in the US. Which I guess is fair, but def a super red flag not to get married.

[@Idaaaaaaaa3193]

Probably in his culture/milieu it is not common to have this "trial period" before getting married. So I also get where he is coming from.

[@politicaltroll8920]

It has to be something like that because otherwise she would have no problems getting a quick marriage immediately and doing the dream wedding later. I think Mo suspects this is the case and that is why in the prior ep he said “maybe you don’t want to marry me” and now he’s freaking out thinking he needs a different sponsor

[@zoeyelh]

the ninety days are to get married. compatibility is meant to be determined beforehand. unfortunately too many 90f cast treat it as a trial period and then it all goes wrong.

[@SecretSqrlGrl007]

@@zoeyelh And most of them ignore the red flags and get married anyway.

[@colombi1anjay]

I’ve met Egyptian people who are so expressive, larger than life, so I don’t think his stoicism is a cultural leaning. His voice and dead face absolutely freaks me out

[@hugomarquez3189]

He’s a little too much into the green card, I’m sorry to state the obvious. He obviously has a goal, and he’s not shy to say it. It doesn’t mean both things can’t coexist (love and green card), but we haven’t really heard much on the love front from him. Dr Honda, sometimes it is the green card, we do need to contemplate that possibility, and it doesn’t mean that he’s a psychopath, it just means that a relationship doesn’t mean the same to him, that he can be with someone without loving them, and that his priority is making a living here, and bringing his family. Like Michelle Obama says (was she quoting Maya Angelou?), “when they show you who they are, believe them the first time.”

[@lavinder11]

Yes, she was quoting the late Maya Angelou

[@muresanana-maria1050]

The facts that he opens up in front of a man but he can't do that with his future wife is concerning

[@TheguyfromScotland]

seems like he wants to get marry quick because he could always get quick divorce once he is fed up enough. :) Plus of course the green card

[@Idaaaaaaaa3193]

Also because he is totally dependent on her right now. He's not able to work and basically has no say in anything, which is a drastic change in compratison to how his parents were functioning.

[@Ajhcr]

Hey Scotland guy! I’ve been in love with your country for years! 💕🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿. The landscape, the history, the accent, the kilts….👍 Anyway. It seems that neither of these two have done their research. She has no idea about his demanding, oppressive religion, and he has no idea about this 90day process, or what it takes to make a women happy! Whew. A 25 yr old at her age? How can they really have enough things in common? She might be in love with this IDEA she has of him but HE is in love with some American Dream (🤮) In which, he will oddly, fit right in…

[@myra3266]

yes i don't see or feel much love from him. it's always his way or the highway. he is one of those i wouldn't be surprise if he left her shortly after a marriage...yve is just saying they have to push the wedding back a little bit but he cant even compromise with that....

[@wizzysloungetitaure]

Great analysis thank you. Mohammed may seem cold hearted to those who do not understand his life and his upbringing. I am sure Yve really experienced or experiences his gentle side that is the reason why she fell for him and that is why she is with him despite all the hurdles they show us on TV. Someone who can stay and tend to Yve's son who has special needs, is someone with heart. And the son loves Mohammed which says a lot about Mohammed's heart. Both Yve and Mohammed need communication tools to help them navigate their relationship. Yve us fixated with fairytale wedding instead of really seeing Mohammed's practical reasoning. She is crying constantly when things get tough and it maybe Mohammad is so used to that he does know when she is really crying or when she is putting up a front with crocodile tears. However Mohammed's way of communicating his concerns to Yve can seem a bit harsh. Both of them need counseling.

[@Sandra.-.]

I agree 💯.

[@Bea_22]

I feel so sorry for Yve. She seems like a great person. I don't know why she allows herself to go through this suffering and unhappiness with Mohamed. I don't think she knows what a happy, peaceful, healthy relationship looks like.

[@dangalanga6941]

She was desperate for a partner…. Sadly she got a brother for her son instead

[@EnjoyLife-op5rn]

I think both Yve and Mohamed are locked into their perspectives and are not being sensitive to the other person's feelings. Mohamed is too focused on his green card and seeing his family, not empathizing with Yve's desire for her dream wedding. Likewise, Yve is too focused on her dream wedding and is not sensitive to Mohamed's desire to work and his grief about missing his family. Imagine how hard it is for Mohamed to leave everything in his country, come to the US, and be controlled on when he can see his family again. While Yve shows her upset through crying, Mohamed is also very hurt and shows his emotional pain through anger. Both of them need couple's therapy to develop a good conflict resolution process where both are heard and their feelings respected.

[@betsyh403]

@@dangalanga6941 she got an ignorant misogynist who will destroy her. So sad

[@carolynbayarea]

Enjoy Life state this perfectly too. In an average situation they would get to know each other well, have time to work through these issues and miscommunications without the pressure of 90 Days. It’s getting to the point where I feel the K1 is such a terrible idea for the kinds of people who want to go on a reality show and put their issues on display. Plenty of people enter the US on the K1 and have long successful marriages. This show seems like a bad luck charm, but I just cannot turn away from the train wreck !

[@dangalanga6941]

@@carolynbayarea I’m in Australia and know that the K1 visa in the states isn’t designed to be used like this lol it was meant to be something that was used by couples who weren’t meeting for the first time and married within 90 days…. It’s for couples that have naturally reached the point of wanting to marry after having known each other and spent plenty of time together The visa isn’t the problem, it’s shows like this

[@politicaltroll8920]

Both! Do both! This is so freaking easy, just do a court wedding and have a reception and ceremony later

[@halifaxeh]

Actually they just shouldn’t get married because it’s a train wreck!

[@politicaltroll8920]

@@halifaxeh that would definitely be the best outcome

[@jimroberts9327]

He wants an Green Card and he doesn’t want anything to stop him from getting it. That’s why he’s pushing it so hard. I admire Dr. Honda for not being as cynical as I am!

[@and.p.146]

I think he mentioned the idea of a new sponsor to his new friend, to see if maybe he will sponsor him?

[@nellybarrett7]

I’ve tried the crying thing but what if your partner just says your crying is annoying?

[@sarahann6973]

When my mom was born in 1961 her mother was diagnosed with tuberculosis. they Send my grandmother to a quarantined facility for 6 months. My grandparents already had 2 other children and my grandfather worked full time. My grandfather sent my mother who was a newborn and her older sister, who was 6 years old, to go live with their aunt who already had 7 children. According to my mother based on stories that were told to hold to her… when she used to cry her aunt would put her on the porch until she stopped crying. Her aunt did not have the capacity or time to dedicate to my mother. That type of neglect she experienced during the 1st 6 months of her life had significant Impact on her psychological and emotional development. Im 36 yeats old and working through my childhood trauma because of the Neglect she experienced. Ans on top of that, her parents came to Canada from the Netherlands after the war, And they were already dealing with their P TSD and war traumas…. let me tell you, generation on trauma Is exhausting to work through.

[@MomijiFAndres]

About the Japanese wedding.. so my cousin just had her wedding and my mom went (I didn't to take care of her dog). Apparently my cousin got married in one of the "chapels" and the officiant was dressed as a priest. I asked my mom about it and she said that it's just a white guy reading a script in an outfit. I guess there was a string quartet and it is known for being the most expensive. I guess it was what my cousin wanted and I'm happy for her. In contrast, when my parents got married over 30 years ago, they did it traditionally at the temple. I just think it's interesting how culture changes over time.

[@andreawannop8670]

Here's the thing in a nutshell...a good, stable and healthy relationship doesn't start a marriage with crying, worying and suffering. The writing is already on the wall. Yve is so focussed on finding a man, possibly after being single for a long time, that she's just ignoring all these red flags. Trust me, I've done it...and with an unemployed , foreign and younger man too....learned the very hard way on it .

[@lavinder11]

She wasn't single for a long time. She was actually engaged for the father of her child but left him. I think DH's characterization of her as a passive person is completely wrong. Shes just currently dealing with a man who lied to her ab his intentions.

[@mariajenkins943]

We call it a "frankenbite" on reality TV fan boards

[@kikinatrone]

He is at home with a special needs child EVERYDAY. A child he is not familiar with, and a child who would be difficult to care for EVERYDAY. He is expected to care for him EVERYDAY. He probably has carers stress already. He just wants to do something else besides staying home caring for a special needs child. Takes special ✨️ people to care and love special needs children EVERYDAY.

[@kimstover628]

Dr. Honda, it feels like sometimes you are biased against Mohamed. Yes, some of his views are not what we espouse in the US. But he is also trying to express his feelings about being in a foreign country completely on his own and completely relying on her. He wants to be productive. She also seems to be missing the huge leap he has taken into another culture. If you are going to have a cross- cultural marriage, it isn't as simple as "you are here now, adapt to this culture." You have to find a middle ground between cultures, traditions, etc. Overall, though, hard to understand what brought these two people together!

[@asunnywebb]

"You're lying! Stop lying!" ~literally me. I appreciate that comment so much. I hate deceptive practices of any sort. Thank you.

[@Sallyy150]

He is entitled, as simple as that! Egyptian guys (sorry for my fellow Egyptians) live in a self centered world, anything else is a means to an end, a woman to fulfill my needs, kids to take care of me when i grow up, a job to give me money.. they are literally blind to anything around them, they consider it unnecessary noise!

[@lindarobish7775]

Mohammed said before that he’s been staying home and caring for the child, which he considers “women’s work,” and he doesn’t like that role. He wants to be gainfully employed so he can feel like a man, so he wants to get his working papers ASAP, and they need to be married first. That’s why he’s so anxious to get the wedding over with.

[@lavinder11]

He was unemployed for years in Egypt. Like,,, it's so obvious that he's using her for a green card.

[@jill3621]

He believes that is women's work, yet when he starts working he intends to not support Yve... only his mother

[@wadana2116]

A lot of people especially young people in Egypt are unemployed because there is no work.

[@MelanitaVilla]

I know doctor Kirk says that we should cry when in doubt but that doesn't work with my borderline sister, she makes it worse! It's like she wants to see a weakness in you and go hard to make you feel like you are worthless. Maybe you can record another episode on how to handle tough situations with people with personality disorders and have compassion for borderline individuals in your life, while protecting yourself. I no longer have a relationship with my sister because of her behavior but worry about my parents, who are currently enabling her behavior.

[@lindsaycromartyward3173]

This adequately describes the first half of my marriage. I don’t cry much, but when I do- IDK. I think I may have somehow subconsciously chosen a partner who reacts to my emotions the same way my parents did … meaning, almost disgusted with me. Hm…time for more therapy!

[@Gokce-Aysun]

I come from a similar culture to Egyptian. I am Turkic. (Like Mursel... He is one of my favorite people on this show lol) ANYWAY... After watching this far... I too think Mohamed is not caring about her feelings. Her crying has not even moved him a nudge. Muslim Men, West, Central, South Asian men (because alot of us have similar culture)... They can be very sensitive and empathetic. If their mother, wife, mother, or sister cries... It can move them a lot- to care, empathy, and sympathy. Make they protective and tender and want to make them happy or smile... Mohamed is not relaying any of this to Yve so it looks like to me that he does not care about her. If that was his mom crying he would be crying and hugging his mom. It seems like he is cold and she is an ends to a means. I think you hit the nail on the head. It is like she is his ticket to a green card. (Like Danielle and Mohamed was...) Now at this point in the series I feel like he is using her. It's my speculation now.

[@asunnywebb]

Mohamed scares me. Or at least makes me uncomfortable. There is a certain menacing feeling I get from him that I can't really put my finger on. He seems completely unconcerned with impression management, which I find scary in people. That odd calm voice feels performative. There's a certain unidentifiable edge to him.

[@Ajhcr]

I feel ya. I think it’s the soft voice, and how he speaks combined with the dead eyes. It’s off. Also it’s the forcing that suppressive religion on her. He said himself she is too free, or some such. It’s menacing….

[@asunnywebb]

@@Ajhcr Menacing really is the best word for it.

[@lavinder11]

He uses that gentle voice to disarm her and smiles when she's upset.

[@asunnywebb]

@@lavinder11 Is that it? I think you're right. Disarming is a great word for it too.

[@GenkiCrabClub]

In Japan, official marriage means going to the local government office and register. A wedding ceremony is not required. This couple could hold a wedding ceremony/party of their dream later?

[@TheguyfromScotland]

Why Japan is relevant ? :)

[@GenkiCrabClub]

Just because Dr. Honda talked about wedding in Japan. And I don’t know about the marriage system in the U.S.

[@katiearcher4475]

@@TheguyfromScotland its a viewpoint from a different culture. Dr Honda is par Japanese, its a culture he gives examples of outside of the USA viewpoint because he knows and understands Japanese culture from his family.

[@katiearcher4475]

I dont think she understands or believes that they would have the party later if she waits for it. My husband and I had a courthouse wedding 7 years ago, we're hoping that by our 10 year anniversary we'll finally be able to have the big party that is more "normal" here in the States

[@irairod5160]

@@TheguyfromScotland Would you not be tempted to say, "In Scotland, it is common that..." to add perspective to a conversation? I would! And I appreciate when people with cultural points-of-view different from mine share them so I can broaden my worldview. For example, when Dr. Honda speaks of his Japanese relatives and their traditions (as he did today) I find it very enlightening.

[@bernadettemitchell2155]

Dr. Honda can to tell me what is a Food Engineer? Someone said he is a Trainer With that vocie he cannot even me, sorry.

[@BambooPlant30]

Yup, "Franken-biting" is what it is called in the film industry. It's the same concept that you are describing with music production.

[@Nelldivine]

These two are so mismatched, I’d not see how they stay together. No chemistry, no understanding, empathy no connection! Relationships are tough enough without adding, cultural, religious, age, personality issues. I don’t get it.

[@IAmStalecrix]

I'm generally anti-Mohammed but I think he's dealing with a deep homesickness. He's a mama's boy that never left his country before and is in a country so alien from what he knew...and to be told there'll be an additional month delay before he can return home. I can imagine that hearing probably sounds untenable. The only problem is...he can't convey this to her because of the language barrier AND because he might not even know the name for what he's feeling.

[@gunillajohnson9727]

I think Westerners cannot completely fathom the family culture in Middle-Eastern cultures. We are so individualistic that we cannot understand the feelings of responsibility, honor, etc.

[@nancyjones6780]

Why is Mohamed so focused on sending money to his mother? He didn't work or make any money in Egypt so why is it so important now?

[@Zullala]

When I would cry my ex would call me manipulative. Which would actually make me cry more because I felt like an asshole for being sad.

[@Reading_the_comments]

I'm glad he's your ex and hopefully you don't have to deal with that anymore... nothing is more painful then having to hold in your emotions or feel like a asshole for having a normal human reaction to l difficult situation. I hope you have found peace.

[@Zullala]

@@Reading_the_comments thank you! And yes I have :3

[@nicolesnotebook]

I cried in front of a good friend recently (we’ve been friends for 12 years). And he just kinda kept doing what he was doing and didn’t acknowledge my tears. Just kept going with what he was saying. And then when I asked if he felt uncomfortable, he said no. And I asked why he didn’t acknowledge that I was crying. And he said he “I did. I was just trying to give you space.” I was so confused….I didn’t expect him to act so strangely. It really threw me off. Has anyone been through anything like this?

[@visualsweets]

I have sort of. My boyfriend will rarely acknowledge when I’m crying. I haven’t thought about confronting him about it. I will do that next time it happens. It will be interesting seeing his response.

[@Bea_22]

I grew up in an environment where everyone was emotionally cold, and so I never know what to do when someone cries in front me. I feel their pain and want to help, but the warmth and correct response have never been modeled to me, so I would act the same way as your friend.

[@Daijxo]

Although strange, I think your friends response is common, most people do not know how to handle or know what to say so “giving space” is the safest thing to do when you don’t know what to do. I think it was a good thing you brought it up, that opens a opportunity for learning to teach others how you like to be comforted when sad or crying. Story time: one day at work a coworker was crying and I didn’t know why and didn’t know what to do or say so I gave her space and continued to work. Later in the day I asked her what was wrong and she told me her grandfather passed I offered my condolences and she told me although she appreciates the condolences all she wanted was a hug from people, so I hugged her. From that experience then on whenever I am around someone who is crying or sad I offer some kind of physical touch because sometimes there’s not much you can do or say.

[@JolineYE]

That sounds like something I would do unless I knew that the other person would value talk or physical comfort. I’m someone who would prefer to just be left alone until I’m done crying and then afterwards talk about it. In the moment I’m usually crying because I’m feeling overwhelmed by some emotion and then adding human interaction to it just exacerbates it. I want that space that your friend mentioned. So that tends to be my base assumption about others.

[@irairod5160]

Yes, many times. I have friends who think it's best to not say anything that acknowledges tears. They feel that saying, "Don't cry" is invalidating the other person's feelings, mean, selfish, unproductive, disrespectful...and that saying nothing at all and letting the person cry as much as they want, without having to explain, without having to "calm down" or "cheer up" or "look for the silver lining" is the most unselfish, kindest, most respectful thing to do. (Edited to add: As Joline wrote before me, I'm also the kind who prefers to be left alone if I'm emotional. So I do not interpret my friends' lack of knowledge as cold or uncaring. I prefer to be given the space to cry or sleep or clean furiously if that's what I need to do to process my emotions.)

[@Bookthoughts92]

Dr. Honda, thank you so much. You just gave me the strength to stand up to my landlord. Thank you so much for giving me that courage 😌

[@myra3266]

lol "there are lots of fish in the sea" haha

[@Erigato2010]

Yes please go down the road with the 😐 face Mohammed has Like seriously does this not compute in his brain Cultural differences aside just having empathy towards someone that you “love” and are willing to commit haram , I’m very interested in this tell all Will looking back at this make him realize he is coming off as a sociopath 😑

[@Erigato2010]

Sorry psychopath** haha 😛

[@kristenphelps4602]

I don't always remember to like all your videos but really I want to thank you sooo much for this content. I started listening maybe a year ago and I have learned so much about myself. I have found the right therapist yet but I am going to keep at it!

[@lavernehayden3520]

Dr.Kirk speaking of musicians…. Lip syncing is awful. This is why I love the Stones. Never have they ever lip synced! Ever Just sayin. I’m off on a tangent lol..

[@amani7753]

I have a feeling my ex was emotionally abusing me. I love how you talk about crying when in doubt. I am a very sensitive person and I cry when I feel hurt. One of the most painful things my ex did was not comforting me when I cry. He did it the first time I cried but never again. I always tried to talk to him about how important to me it, that even if he was mad at me he would try and comfort me in some little way. But he never did, he would go to sleep and just ignore me completely when I got hurt during arguments. He would say things he know would make me cry. I mean he must have known. Hurtful, mean things... Which would make me even more upset and I think that was convinient for him because the problem would then always be my emotions. That I am unstable etc... So he never had to take responsibility. I want a partner to comfort me when I cry. I would comfort my partner if they cried, because me not wanting to hurt them would weigh heavier than any argument. It would even, as you talk about help to resolve any problems because the crying or emotion would signal hurt feelings about something and make things easier to understand and emphatize with. My ex actually fake cried to make me have sex with him. Disgusting I know. I am healing now

[@safiakhan8498]

You speak for 27 minutes and the clips u speaking on are less than 2 min🙉! I thought therapists speak less and let the clients talk more. It a bit annoying the way u go on and on and on 🤷🏻‍♀️!

[@Sandra.-.]

I think he shutdown with Yves because each time he tries to reason with her, she gets hyper emotional, whiney and doesn't seem to understand where he's coming from. We have to remember this show is like a tenth or even way less of their time together as a couple. They've probably discussed this subject day and night for 90 days and he's exhausted. They both don't seem ready to compromise from their standpoint

[@LindaLinda80Linda]

How smart is it of a forty-seven year-old woman to believe a twenty-six year-old man wants to marry her coming from a country where it is so hard to get a job? She’s not important to him. She’s a means to an end,

[@wadana2116]

Mohammed isn’t the best but some these comments come off islamaphobic and gross. Just like Mohammed could be more considerate about Yve and her feelings. She could also consider his. Yve seems wrapped up in the fairytail wedding and not truly concerned with the actual marriage. I also don’t have an issue with him saying he doesn’t want to watch her son. It’s a lot to ask someone to move to a new environment where they know no one and expect them to be full time caretaker to your child especially when he has special needs.

[@nancyemery618]

With the cultural differences and lack of understanding and acceptance of these, this couple has no business getting married at this time. They are doomed before they even start. Marriage is too precious and requires such a generosity of spirit, it is sad to see how unthinking couples can be.

[@type_Kizuna]

I wonder what Dr Honda said about shutting down your emotions bc nobody even cares, if it can also happen to young adults not just toddlers?

[@EST.1996]

23:31 this is just a complete guess , but in some cultures the men don’t speak to women about their feelings , or cry in front of their wife . I could see this being the case with how he was raised , and his beliefs on gender roles etc .

[@supercoolchic1]

I'm thinking that part of this has to do with his ego, as well. In a lot of Islam influenced cultures, men are expected to take care of the women around them. In this case that would be Eve as well as his mother back home. Until he is able to get a job, he will be unable to fulfill this role that he is used to seeing and participating in. I'm sure in Egypt it would be seen as unusual for a man to sit at home while his wife is working. That's what I picked up when he was referring to watching her son as "babysitting'. He see that act as a woman's duty. He sees earning money as a man's duty.

[@joywebster2678]

I want to know what his work in Egypt was, and what work that he plans to jump into in the USA? Is he a skilled professional? Any trade? Or what is it he imagines he will do? Those pieces would entich their discussion.

[@Lucinda_96]

I think we should judge and evaluate Mohamed through his own cultural beliefs, not through ours. He feels a responsibility to his mom and thats completely normal in other cultures and countries. In fact, growing up in the US it is literally exhausting having to abide by the ideals of success as independent career-oriented people vs. being a community oriented person paying filial piety towards my parents and elders. This “conflict” or “burden” does not exist for a lot of my friends whose parents don’t expect this type of care or attention from them. Family systems in other cultures play a strong role in peoples lives. Here in the states people will move away and see their parents only 2-3 times a year with no problem or guilt. That’s not what its like in other countries/cultures where living together for life or taking care of parents is completely normal and valued. I have over 5 pairs of grandparents still alive today whose opinions have a lot of sway over my parents. Its not realistic for me to think I can just cut myself off from my relatives or these expectations, given how much it impacts the happiness and health of those I love. And its not necessarily like these things are toxic influences. They do take a lot of balancing and cultural communication to manage. Anyway, I just wanted to provide some perspective on why he could feel such a need to work so soon. I don’t necessarily think I’ve seen Yve comforting him in these edits, but then again he prob doesn’t convey his emotions well if he doesn’t know how to. In his mind, taking care of his aging mother probably matters more than what might seem like a “frivolous” wedding to him, especially if he thinks love shouldn’t be superficial. But now I am inserting assumptions on the matter. Cuz I only recently realized how superficial expensive white weddings are. Especially if you see marriage as a social foundation to build the next phase of your life on. But contemporary culture values love over all things and talking about marriage in these ways is often looked down upon.

[@alexheldenbrand3530]

Editing like you're talking about is called frankenbiting

[@nub8273]

The way Islam is presented on 90 day fiancé makes me feel so anxious as a Muslim because I feel like it further marginalises us. I don’t agree with Mohamed’s attempts at converting Yve because that’s her decision. However I feel like when her friends interrogated Mohamed, they were making it seem like just because we chose not to live a secular and Western lifestyle, there is something inherently wrong with us. I wish Yve did research Islam before. I just feel these shows make Muslims look like inflexible and strange people who follow a belief system that is restrictive, inherently problematic and non-progressive.

[@Sunset553]

The show seems to take a thin slice of Americans who wouldn’t get much attention in the dating arena. This woman gets compliments from viewers, but for a man to choose her, she’s in her late 40s, has a disabled child who needs full time care, wants marriage and a child . I’m a woman over 40, and those are a lot of deal breakers for the men. For all her good characteristics, she’s as valued for long term dating as the other women on the show who seem more obviously undesirable. (sorry, world. I’m not smooth with words and I haven’t slept. I apologize if I’m too blunt)

[@googleuser2609]

What exactly are your scholarly publications?

[@dendenne4856]

This man doesn't love her, she is 49 years old, how she can't see it ?

[@lovewithoutborder6051]

Now they are separated and going through bad fight .

[@missrudy8553]

New merch idea: When in doubt, cry

[@lav7161]

Keep clicking 26:45 and Dr. Honda is dancing

[@sirmel11]

Wow, he's so heartless.

[@shivvypoppy]

I'm an art director/graphic designer and "frankensteining" is PREVALENTLY used in my field, especially in advertising. For some reason, advertising clients feel like they know art and design + mass communication better than the agency/designers. And what better way to solve their indecisiveness than to take little pieces from all three versions of the drafts presented to them and put them together into their own "masterpiece." It's truly one of the best ways to get on the bad side of a creative.

[@asunnywebb]

Something tells me if he contacts ICE about changing his sponsor that would be a helluva red flag to them. Rightfully so.

[@jesssc402]

Yeah, Japanese people do that

[@betsyh403]

I hope 🤞🏻 she’s not with him anymore? He’s evil!

[@joybeavers5945]

Those fake 🐊 tears

[@klaudianapieraa4924]

He wants to be there for his mother? Didn’t he say that Eve needs to tend to his needs like he’a a toddler - just like his mum did throughout his entire adult life?

[@theresamm21]

It seems that he is just for the green card there 😞

[@dangalanga6941]

“Ends to a means” needs to be a shirt or cap lol

[@fruityeva]

Thank you!!!✌✌

[@Reese842]

Push it out!

[@joybeavers5945]

Doc is really given mo too much credit he’s a giant child who needs to go back home to momma

[@LukeSullivanSkope]

I don't particularly like Mohammad but I'm trying to see things from his perspective. If they do a city hall wedding to get the legal stuff out of the way, and have a celebration as Yve envisions in a month they both get what they want, Mohammad can start the process of working and Yve gets her ceremony. In Yve's senario everything gets pushed back for who knows how long, she gets what she wants but Mohammad is stuck at home with growing resentment. I think Mohammad has been frustratingly rigid with his religion, but I'm not really seeing why Yve is being so rigid here unless she's trying to prolong things because she's not sure she wasn't to marry him yet.

[@hollyblair5778]

While I don't think that they should get married at all, I don't understand why they don't just go do the paperwork aspect and then have a ceremony how she wants later?

[@lindarobish7775]

In my frame of reference, married is married. You don’t have a ceremony or wedding later, because you’re already married. Having a ceremony later as if it were a real wedding is just theatrics.

[@cathimurphy-bee6759]

Crying doesn't always work so well.

[@stevenalper3890]

26:09 His communication may be an issue, but what is a much much graver issue is the fact that delaying the wedding by one month is a deal-breaker for him. If his commitment to Yve is that tenuous this relationship is doomed. (p.s. I suggest being more transparent about liking the videos. I'm sure you're sincere when you say it makes you feel good and supported to get likes, but it's also a job, and likes help the algorithm which in turn increases your income. No one would have a problem with that and I think it would be nice if you were a little bit more explicit about this. I liked the video by the way)

[@Idaaaaaaaa3193]

I think I get where he is coming from. If I'm not mistaking, they were already religiously married (so to him they kinda are husband and wife), so he genuinely doesn't get why she would postpone the legal marriage. Especially if he as a foreigner is dependent on her financially until he gets his green card. If I was him, I would have felt manipulated and used.

[@Bookthoughts92]

What about people who abuse others for KZbin views/money and gaining subscribers on KZbin? Would they be considered psychopathic or no since you are also one of those people? Are poor people not disrespected enough that you have to follow along with other psychopathic KZbinrs? I also think it’s ironic that this whole situation has turned into everyone calling each other psychopathic.

[@brlealcoable]

Dr Honda abuses others for KZbin views/money??

[@jessicamcclure9599]

Are you saying being a KZbinr is abusive? How so?

[@Bookthoughts92]

I feel like Dr. Honda is a Republican 👀

[@lavinder11]

He's said that he's a proud Marxist. Republican, he is not.

[@eh4518]

He said he avoids right wing KZbin channels so he's definitely not.

[@janeryan2709]

No, he's super progressive. Hates Trump and the Republican Party.

[@Alltagundso]

@@lavinder11 If he really did, I assume he meant what most Americans mean by this word, since I noticed that words like Socialism and so on are used wrongly in the States 9 out of 10 times in the content that I consume.

[@elfzeal]

@@lavinder11 As a Swede I interpret the doc's values to be positively Scandinavian. Meaning somewhere on a nuanced spectrum of democratic socialism, social democracy, environmentalism, humanism, social liberalism, liberalism.