92 - If He Had Lived

August 15, 2016 - This week is National Alternate History Week. Plus an update on the Beatrix Lohman Memorial Meditation Zone, a warning from the National Weather Service, and Children's Fun Fact Science Corner.
Weather: "Opposite House" by Cass McCombs cassmccombs.com/
Become a member on Patreon today to help us keep making Welcome to Night Vale and get cool stuff, like Director’s Notes, bonus episodes, and even a new character named after you.
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Music: Disparition (disparition.info).
Logo: Rob Wilson (robwilsonwork.com).
Produced by Night Vale Presents. Written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. More Info: welcometonightv..., and follow @NightValeRadio on Twitter or Facebook.
HEY WHY'S THERE NO VIDEO? Welcome to Night Vale is a audio podcast. All standard episodes have no video component. To subscribe to the podcast, go to iTunes, Stitcher, Podbay.fm, or find our RSS feed at nightvale.libsy...

[@cartooncrazy9883]

Old woman Josie having a fall and breaking her hip and being in hospital is legit the scariest thing that's ever happened in this podcast

[@jacklynyeh4893]

the reason jackie doesn't age is because she hasn't earned her death yet

[@julialivingston-adams2909]

The reason she can't feel intense emotions is that her alternate self in the timeline where Kennedy died is using them all up. (Fink, Cranor and Cecil were in top form this time.)

[@kevincurran1250]

Chicken, egg, or plane so Jackie can age

[@cgraxe]

when i saw the title i thought Hiram had been executed and cecil was giving him a memorial. i was terrified

[@mikaelaperson3380]

I thought it'd be about the old man who is not short

[@spencerdokes6056]

@@mikaelaperson3380 m

[@commute_crew4874]

Tbh, I avoided it because I thought it was another Frank Chen episode

[@jacobmendonca8571]

The grass is always greener on the other side; why? Because it is grown with the blood of our enemies. How do we know they are our enemies? Because their blood is green.

[@MacTechG4]

That is not logical, what do you have against Vulcans anyway? Pointy Eared Lives Matter! ;)

[@wondacat]

MacTech I'm dying. Your comment is hilarious.

[@RiahGreen]

xD

[@casinthetardisin221b2]

Mac Tech one word: Romulans. Or Rihannsu, if you prefer. Either works.

[@ConfusingThePolarity]

Vulcanoid lives matter!

[@ryles5069]

That feel when JFK reaches God Tier in a doomed timeline. Also, great Weather. It sounds both familiar and unfamiliar.

[@PhantomFandoms]

When JFK becomes canon in Homestuck accidentally xD headcanon accepted!

[@desia.brimou]

ayyyyy

[@LillianWinterAnimations]

[S] Kennedy: Rise Up

[@cherrysda7815]

I fucking love this so much, but what would his God Tier even be?

[@LillianWinterAnimations]

Only came here to comment President of The United States, of course.

[@janetownend6624]

Night Vale is the only place I’m happy to hear “and now a word from our sponsors”

[@theintern2960]

This tale was both funny, haunting, and sad. I wonder what would happen if Night Vale had not existed. We would all be missing something, and have no way to properly sense or articulate it. We would exist, without Cecil's even voice, filled with an emptiness that thirsts for a song we cannot hear. Or maybe we'd just watch Twin Peaks reruns and refresh our dating website feed.

[@Kinslate]

Either Twin Peaks reruns or Tim Burton movie marathons! I dunno. I feel as though my inspiration and motivation to write would be missing without something like Night Vale, so I suppose my thoughts would be constantly bouncing in the depths of my head without something to expel them into. If it hadn't existed, I probably wouldn't have met a few friends a still know to this day, so Night Vale is all weird, strange, and disturbing... but it can bring people together in more ways than one.

[@alexanderhagle4520]

TheIntern Or gravity falls

[@viperv6768]

I just... I just need to know how Kevin reacted to Carlos leaving.

[@yami4358]

ME TOO 💔

[@RiahGreen]

that was an archives episonde

[@nochill1233]

I don't, my fragile heart doesn't need that pain

[@colleencoleman1526]

It's what he deserves

[@pickaxegobrrr]

@@RiahGreen yeah.. What's an archives episonde?

[@nerdpiggy]

This was an outright amazing episode. You know that a podcast is good when a filler episode becomes one of your favorites.

[@jeremyeineichner7271]

Honestly, I prefer the "filler" episodes. Sometimes you lose some of the beautiful absurd chaos when you're trying to push a standard linear narrative.

[@Biowoman.]

When Cecil mentions 'delta airlines' I'm like: "Because we're delta airlines and life if a fucking nightmare!" :D

[@kelly-bisson]

Considering how weird the Night Vale universe is, this scenario is entirely possible.

[@Comrade.Frank.]

As a man named Joshua Frank, the opening scared me more than anything in night vale ever could

[@garasunonamida]

That "Word from our sponsors" is one of my favorite Night Vale clips, and I keep returning to it every now and again

[@TheLemonymelony]

if anything bad happens to old women josie i swear to christ itll break me

[@christianmoralesortiz4688]

SAME!!!!

[@tammikilpi6993]

Ok but if something bad is going to happen to Old Woman Josie, I'm not sure if my fragile being can handle it

[@JimmyNails27]

right?

[@RiahGreen]

what? who's Erika?

[@taylah8117]

definitely NOT angels

[@runningawayfornow]

This didn't age well...

[@Purple_Petrichor]

Wow- this episode was PHENOMENAL! Seriously, I found myself loving and hanging off of every single word. I think the reason behind that is because this is the first time in a while where I've heard an episode that felt to me to be fully "in line" with the early WTNV series. More focused on atmosphere, and spooky details that don't make sense, just unnerving our perception of reality a bit without needing to make a big plotline to draw everything together. (Not that WTNV's plot is bad; I just feel like the tone and flavor of the series has become markedly different from what it was in the breakout first line of episodes.) Anyway, I'm so so happy for the writers and I would love to see more done in this style!

[@julialivingston-adams2909]

I loved it even more than "A Memory of Europe", and that was a pretty good one! Kinda wondering how Svitz and Franchia, two countries that seem to have few/no people, had a 'standoff'.

[@samuelwhite1129]

+Julia Livingston-Adams They weren't always uninhabited... I happened to visit Franchia in its heyday. Such a beautiful nation, great national anthem.

[@mechanicalsnail4703]

I'd like to hear more about this Pine Cliffs place. We don't have very many neighbors here in Night Vale.

[@echothenardier8053]

When Cecil was talking about Jackie in the garden, I couldn’t help but wonder if her’s and John’s experiences were inspired by Cecil’s own experiences as an unwitting immortal being, or maybe one who has begun to realize what he is

[@schadenfreudebuddha]

30, already? seems like only a few months ago lee was only 30. how time flies! time is weird.

[@julialivingston-adams2909]

Or only yesterday. Happy birthday, Mr. Marvin!

[@AdaSoto]

Speaking as a writer, that was the best proverb ever.

[@theginginator1488]

Yeah, Kennedy could have lived, but then we wouldn't have the band The Dead Kennedys

[@eggtheplasmoid8531]

TheGinginator14 That would be an atrocity.

[@viktorthecreator4458]

The Perfectly Fine, Alive, and Well Kennedys were my favourite band

[@brizziebri5636]

The title had me like oh shit...

[@brizziebri5636]

+Rose L sAME

[@dawnwayfinder]

+Rose L I thought the same thing. Is this a government funded shared dream?

[@tsumikimikan6029]

+Rose L I thought the same as well.

[@Therapist_Solarist]

I thought Carlos too. I was like 'Oh shit not my baby'. Definitely glad it's not him

[@literally_a_crow]

I thought it would be the Apache Tracker.

[@quote6013]

last time I was this early jfk was still alive.

[@dawnwayfinder]

*Points finger accussingly* "INTERLOPEEEERRRR!"

[@RiahGreen]

i dnot get the interloper joke. plz explane =/

[@kieranbailey3631]

Night Vale doesn't do so good with outsiders. Of course, in the case of a certain scientist, they are okay, but yes, they don't do well with outsiders.

[@RiahGreen]

INNNNNNTEEERRRRRRLLLOOOOPPPPPEEERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@AustinNebbia]

You know, I actually like Cecil talking faster than he used to. It feels much more natural. In the earlier episodes he was talking so slow (though of course, honey-voiced) that I could speed it up 1.5 or 2x and still understand everything. I'm glad I don't need to do that anymore. And I really like the sped up new theme too. (Favorite line of this one was that a noon phase is "disappointed at the latest Marvel movie". Made me bust a gut.)

[@SoNowWhat01]

that part about persistent thunderstorms spooked me. my tiny town in the middle of nowhere has had the worst thunderstorms in years lately, day after day. or maybe it's the dark prince?

[@Prophecyarmour]

It sounds like in a world where he had lived, a story about you has taken a dark turn.

[@Kittymouth]

I can’t tell you how relieved I am that the meditation zone was not harmed back in June. I cannot tell you. I cannot. Please stop asking me to! Also; this had the first proper segue into the weather segment that I've ever heard! Is Cecil ok?

[@rachelbrenner4092]

Cecil probably has a hot date with Carlos and is rushing to get home.

[@dark020294]

i... i feel as though i should start listening to Alice isn't Dead.

[@theawesomebeing]

You should. It's a lot less lighthearted than Night Vale (I can't think of any jokes) but it's delightfully creepy.

[@trashlikeus7709]

You should! It's excellent!

[@nepetaren1267]

I'm in my Kevin cosplay and I'm so hyped

[@petit4489]

"Hi, this is Joshua Frank,"

[@deborahsmith5483]

My favorite WTNV episode. I keep returning to this, JFK continuing and continuing, no change for years and years and years.

[@Cyfrik]

Yay, I've now listened to all the episodes! I'm finally in phase, meaning I don't have to worry about spoilers, and I can listen to the episodes when they are released! **realization** ...which means that I'll have to wait for each episode... I suddenly feel less enthusiastic.

[@zackfair1863]

I saw the title and I just Oh no

[@senteade-2046]

It breaks my heart to hear Cecil so anxious oh god

[@IceQueen975]

That is both the best and most accurate proverb yet

[@SJ-rr8ou]

He said the "you know?" thing at the end like carlos squeeeeee!!

[@PhantomFandoms]

"Sometimes you are on the precibus, the moment where everything could topple. Maybe it is danger, or a hard choice. Or just change, which is, in our perception, the biggest danger of all. Or sometimes we are on the smooth flats, where everything is stable, and the precibus is just a tickle in the back of the back of our minds. But deep down, we know the truth. We see it sometimes, driving at night through a rainstorm, or when the phone rings at the wrong hour, or when the plane starts to shake. There are no smooth flats, it's all precibus. Always. And sometimes we are facing the precibus, and sometimes we are turned away. But it is always there, and we are always teetering. And maybe the fall isn't even the worst part. Maybe when we fall there is at least the relief that we know we're falling. No more uncertainty. Maybe the worst part is the teetering. The teetering for years and years. Delta Airlines, it's not like you're safe anywhere else."

[@PhantomFandoms]

Because we're Delta Airlines! And life is a f*cking nightmare!

[@korbly]

+Haiden G John Mulaney, nice touch.

[@PhantomFandoms]

+Joseph Green Thanks xD Kinda had to since that bit was the first thing I thought of as soon as he said Delta Airlines pft.

[@julialivingston-adams2909]

As someone who has to deal with feelings of "teetering" all the time, this really resonates with me.

[@nopeg5730]

*precipice

[@MySerpentine]

At least there wouldn't be a President Trump that way

[@evildeathcuddles886]

And Melania's face would be stuck looking like an odd impression of a smile. Oh wait.

[@rainbowzebra361]

This episode has a really weird feel. I don't dislike it, it's actually pretty cool, but it's quite different. Poor Old Woman Josie! Have a great day :)

[@glitteringashes]

Beautiful message from today's sponsor

[@TeamChaosPrez]

my birth name is erica and it screws me up every time the angels are mentioned by name

[@marcogypaetus9607]

TeamChaosPrez They aren't. All of the beings that are definitely not angels, what an idea, ahahah,i angels? Please. They're called Erika. With a K.

[@Jasperi]

Some of the best Weather we've had in a while.

[@notsohuman40]

wow I'm not even 4 mins in why is Cecil talking faster than normal he's just kinda rushing Cecil shoosh baby you don't need to rush

[@notsohuman40]

wow not even pausing for the news

[@notsohuman40]

Cecil baby I know you're prob anxious to get home but try to calm down you don't need to rush this

[@thegoodboy8831]

YOU. HAVE. A POINT.

[@hannahyoung2137]

+Not So Human Our poor baby is just scared because, for once HE is the only one that sees the weird...

[@RiahGreen]

slow itdown and its the thingy in your youtube

[@viktorthecreator4458]

I thought Night Vale citizens didn't know what a president was though, wasn't that revealed in the episode where it's Cecil's best past broadcasts when he was on vacation in the Dog Park?

[@colleencoleman1526]

Viktor the Creator yeah and in who's a good boy part 2 i believe cecil takes out a pen from his reporter's book but writing utensils are illegal

[@evildeathcuddles886]

Honestly something like this would make a great drama series. Man is supposed to die, gets saved by unknown hero, and things start going wrong. If it's a shorter show, like only a season, it could end with him dying to set the world right.

[@kevincurran1250]

1:50 Cecil: which came first the chicken, the egg, or the plane? Me:probably egg

[@pizzapie08]

Wait, I thought the "Blood Space War" happened like years in the future. How did Kennedy get us through it in the 70s? Am I just confused on the details?

[@cabbageman]

time is flys / is weird

[@petit4489]

The Blood Space war is kind of a confusing topic, to my understanding, though it did end in the past yes, the event won't occur until years in the future. You have to remember that in Night Vale, time doesn't work

[@pizzapie08]

+- constellation - Oh right. I keep forgetting that. Thank you :)

[@hannahyoung2137]

Not only is time weird in Nightvale but this is an alternate timeline if JFK lived

[@quiroz923]

the joke is that JFK kept being the president from millions and millions of years.

[@reneebybayybee]

the weather on this episode is one of my favorites

[@Incred_Canemian]

I'm interested, how would Germany win the American civil war.

[@valuskajana]

America invades Germany, Germany fights back but loses and so it becomes American. Some years later a civil war between America and Germany (now just a really big state of America) happes, which Germany wins.

[@RiahGreen]

XD confiusing

[@MySerpentine]

No one knows, thus the 'somehow' LOL

[@RiahGreen]

eh, it doesent matter

[@Takisan111]

The war goes very very badly for both sides so Germany, looking for new resources, hit us when we are at our weakest and claim the States as a part of their empire.

[@rachelemery3180]

Zenmageddon

[@CoffeeTableTeam]

the weather was peak back then

[@edwardpeterson3977]

Smoking a bowl and listening to Night Vale is great, but smoking a bowl and listening to the weather on this episode, is an experience.

[@TORchic1]

That ad was a great description of Delta Airlines

[@dimensionality2009]

They continued the story about future nightvale and I love it

[@rachelzamorano5952]

I swear no matter how many of this episodes I hear I still get the warm and fuzzy feeling I got when I first heard it. I wonder what happened to Cecil's "brother".

[@sersastark]

This weather was amazing OMG

[@kerekproduction]

This is seriously in my top 10 Nightvale episodes!

[@aitanaendara7407]

man that title... I was busy but I couldnt wait

[@chloekona3632]

These people have such a vivid imagination!

[@chimes023]

One of the best episodes, I keep listening to it :')

[@Jessica-ch1yi]

There is as I listen to this episode, currently thunder somewhere nearby. This pleases me because it makes me feel like I live somewhere close to Nightvale and am hearing the same thunder 😃

[@Invariel]

Hey, on the Year Five playlist, this episode comes before episode 91. Is that intentional? Love the show, finally catching up on everything I've missed, thank you for this creative project that has entertained me for literal years.

[@meganh6332]

No, I promise it's true! If you haven't seen NightVale live you haven't lived

[@RiahGreen]

WHAT???? LUCKY YOUR AN OMNIPRESENT BEING? YOU GET TO SEE CECIL AND WATCH THE SHOW??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!!??!?!!?!??!?!

[@spankythekinkgoblin]

Well i have been dead for a very long while friend. Comes with the territory of poorly worded soap operas

[@MelissaAlarcon1]

When i saw the title i thought this would be about Hiram, man...

[@silverkoffee8354]

Really happy there is a new episode

[@eden9021]

It feels so weird listening to a trailer for Alice Isn't Dead after it finished its story a couple of years ago.

[@IceFireofVoid]

The weather was beautiful today.

[@alextsang5659]

Loving the Mellotron samples in the Weather today.

[@mstegosaurus]

Awww... based on the title and the previous episode, I was hoping this would be about the Apache Tracker. (This is still wonderful, though.)

[@TrickiVicBB71]

Listening to the episode right now. Oh boy the title.

[@connierule3902]

Anyone else catch that Hamilton reference 23:18?

[@nopeg5730]

AYYYYYYYY

[@MugetsuFused]

oh god why is this episode named that

[@MugetsuFused]

it was creepier than I thought... go figure.

[@kinnikufan]

Woah, were those references to "If the South Had Won the Civil War" and "The Man in the High Castle?" Those are literally the only two alternate history books I've read. Kinda wanna read that "Germany wins the US Civil War" book now.

[@petit4489]

I must say, the weather today is lovely...

[@CasperOliver]

Love the episode! As always. :)

[@umbreon013]

I have a powerful lust for German Southeners now

[@RickyKingProductions]

The beginning of the end of Cecil's alternate history reminds me of an Italo Calvino short story

[@galladegamerletsplays]

I think one thing that's kind of interesting about cecil's story is that the idea isn't that the kennedy assassination hadn't happened. Instead the story is that it had happened, but he survived

[@SiiKei]

Love the proverb today!

[@tasmanianmagpie6056]

Darn you, Diego this is why we leave time alone

[@LunatiqueRob]

I have searched high and low to find this 3rd version of the opening theme music, but had no luck. Anyone know where I can find it? When the 2nd version of the theme music came out, people made a huge fuss about it, but no one seems to be talking about this third version, which I think is actually the best version.

[@tidalrose26]

What moon phase were you born under? I was born under “disappointed in the newest Marvel movie.”

[@selenacb]

That title tho omg, have to prepare myself

[@ashtonkayes7978]

I think the 'Alice Isn't Dead' narrator (Alice?? i haven't listened to it yet-) is voiced by the same person as Dana-

[@wow8015]

okay,okay, MOON! id like to understand why the hell you were disapointed in the latest marvel movie!? civil war was great! CLEARY, the moon has bad taste in movies.

[@acsver6170]

I've been wondering that too

[@suppertea6056]

Welp, with what the latest one now is I can understand why the moon is disappointed

[@BuzzB]

why does cecil sound so calm?????? idk he just sounds different and its kind of scary like bb r u ok do u need anything pls be ok

[@doctordisney5755]

oh god, the alice isn't dead at the end!

[@redrasegarden]

WHAT THE WHAT?! But they said there would be no crossover!

[@doctordisney5755]

+raphaela ratzlaff sorry to alarm you. it is just advertising Alice isn't dead. I just got excited.

[@redrasegarden]

It's ok. I jumped the gun

[@roxanneholic2748]

Can somebody please tell me what composition is playing at 9:15 - 11:12?

[@icawus972]

I'm not r e a d y oh boy that title

[@EayuProuxm]

These Kennedys are relationship goals

[@jeremytaylorfrancisgleaves3854]

yo this next level

[@ChatookaMusic]

Jose Forks is my favorite writer ever

[@addie4770]

Was the meditation machines a hint on a Within the Wires crossover?

[@sleepybeepboop9831]

Wasn't expecting a y/n fanfic with Jackie from "jfk" but here we are

[@aanikapfister]

Have you come to Chicago yet? ;----;

[@justeundonut-moi.7979]

If the sun listen to the radio, he is now aware that the moon is jalous of it. Those two need to communicate more.

[@egyptspivey777]

Wait is Josie the patient in Within the Wires??

[@redrasegarden]

Old woman Josie?

[@patriciah9413]

Head canon accepted

[@daltonriser1125]

this show is up to interpertation so it is possible

[@ryles5069]

That's an interesting thought, but I like to think that all the NVP podcasts take place in the same weird world, but are absolutely seperate. Also, we saw the hospital in Night Vale the Novel, and it wasn't like quite that.

[@quiroz923]

Does not work because that dystopia's description is different from this dystopia's description, and everything we know about the patient is totally different from what we know about Old Woman Josie.

[@kmart1396]

Idk whether to be ecstatic or insulted Cecil can't pronounce Michigan or Ohio but he can pronounce Massachusetts just fine I guess thanks alternate history JFK

[@Danixo02]

I’m all of the phases of the moon