96. When Estrangement Feels Like Abuse

Not every parent rejected by an adult child feels abused by that rejection. But many do. If your child’s refusal to talk to you feels abusive, chances are there are good reasons for that. However, they may not be the reasons you think. Not all behavior that causes emotional pain constitutes abuse. But if you've been abused before, your brain is on high alert for painful interactions. Feeling abused when you're hurt is often a symptom of having been abused -- not necessarily by current players, but in the past. This is not your fault, and it’s also not caused by your child’s behavior, which is more likely just a trigger. If your adult child’s withholding feels abusive, the best thing you can do is to seek help from a mental health professional. In many cases, a trauma specialist is an appropriate choice.