12 Signs You Were Raised By Emotionally Immature Parents

[@robertblake9892]

"The worse part of growing up is finding out your parents never did."

[@almondmilksoda]

😭

[@robertafierro5592]

No one is perfect, but parents are supposed to care.

[@vanillaoreo251]

Literally. It feels like I'm talking to a spoiled teenager when I talk to my mother

[@khaulahfauzolazim7534]

​@@vanillaoreo251same here pal its sucks that like we are the parents and the parents are children-

[@lorrainesorensen-l9w]

It’s also very sad. They had shitty childhoods but didn’t have the tools available to them that I do. I chose not to have children so I could stop the cycle, and now in my 50’s I’m very forgiving of my parents as I shift to care taking for them as they age. I’ve spent decades working with counselors and psychiatrists, mental health issues are now less taboo and I haven’t been told to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” in the last 40 years. I’m hoping to use those skills to help my mom work through some of her childhood pain. This is my parent’s first time through life, just like it’s mine.

[@tacocat510]

"The worst part is when they vilify you for emotionally out growing them."

[@lavenderchai1613]

My mom is very judgmental and negative. It has taught me to be compassionate for people. If you don’t conform to her and hate people she’ll cut you off. I believe she has a personality disorder. All the literature I have read and therapy I put myself through, she fits in the NPD category. I love her and I always keep her in prayer. God delivered me from demons and I am utterly grateful!

[@TaylorAmelia]

NPD and bpd are both cluster B personality disorders with overlapping symptoms. Her diagnosis is more likely BPD than NPD

[@Daysleeper1000]

Sounds like my covert self righteous narc mom. Check out self righteous narcissists. My mom was diagnosed, and our dad was an alcoholic and refused to protect us from that monster.

[@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285]

Praise God

[@frayacinth]

this is my Dad to a T- he can't handle any perceived incompetence- he gets angry if food is slightly late in a restaurant and insults the waitstaff behind their backs, he gossips about other family members failings and refuses to acknowledge his mistakes when he insults people- he called one of his female managers incompetent TO HER FACE and wondered why she took it so personally. He has almost no regard for other people's feelings and it's been hard to live with the aftereffects of that kind of parenting

[@karmasutra4774]

My mom was more like this. Never could figure out why she was mean and aggressive towards certain people and lecturing me about being a good person. She never made sense.

[@こなた-m1o]

@@karmasutra4774oh my god yes. tell me about it.

[@robertblake9892]

In her excellent book "Toxic Parents" Dr. Susan Forward defines what she calls The Inadequate Parent-"Constantly focusing on their own problems, they try to turn their children into mini-adults who take care of them."

[@missfefeloves]

It’s worse for me I’m the adult when they want me to be and the child who shouldn’t have a mind of her own as well

[@こなた-m1o]

@@missfefeloves EXACTLY!!! they use you to be either one depending on what their ego needs in the moment. so disgusting.

[@whocanitbenow13]

My parents are Baby Boomers and this video describes them in great detail.

[@learningsevenresearchgoals1127]

I often feel guilty second guessing anything my parents did because of the whole "honor thy mother and father" thing. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by how I think about my parents in any critical way, and also for any coldness or separation I've allowed to creep in. I feel that they did the best they could given their own childhoods.

[@Sweet2kiss1]

I think I've allowed myself to block out the things my parents did in my childhood to fit my own narrative, also just saying they did their best, my husband has been instrumental in helping me to see it's okay that they aren't perfect, but I too jump to but they're my parents.

[@DeeAnderson-oj2hr]

I always knew the wrong parenting my parents did, but as a child I didn't know how to verbalize or identity it. I only know the pain and shame it brought me. I also had much anger that carried on into my adult life. As an adult, I can acknowledge it, yet now I am able to forgive and have some compassion. I had two parents that were incapable of emotional maturity due to their upbringing. On my dad's side, I recognize that I'm the 3rd generation that grew up with trauma.

[@beckynelson6786]

I forgive and love my parents,who have passed on.They did the best they could but both came from terribly difficult backgrounds and never really knew how to show us love because they had not been shown by their parents.They had sad lives and I regret that I kept away a lot.

[@lahbibisanaa3318]

M

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I only "honor" when the person earns it. "Honor" is earned. Not automatically.

[@matiascamposg]

My parents are the main reason why I've been stucked in life for years. I'm always trying to help them but they're inmature and incapable or take care of themselves

[@coconut_juice]

bruh, this is so sad how basically all of the points you mentioned applied to my Dad. please pray for me and my father. he needs help fr.

[@beanpie2912]

I relate to this. My parents sheltered me a ton and made alot of decisions for me so that I guess to a small extent gave me control issues. I have a hard time surrendering to God my plans for the life that he's given me, because for a long time, I felt like I didn't have a choice, so surrendering again made it hard.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I have the same problem,due to the narc blaming me for what trouble he has caused. I no longer apoligize to him: my self-respect, self-esteem are back! Dad is my narc.

[@missfefeloves]

This is me

[@StrideOrDie71]

What was wonderful about my family? Nothing, and that breaks my heart as a 52 year-old woman. Both parents are emotionally immature. I went no contact with my dad 20 years ago, still stay in low-ish contact with my mom (they’ve been divorced 25 years, mom not remarried). We text, I call on major holidays, once-a-year short visits. All our conversations are superficial. Got back from our most recent visit a couple days ago and my husband for the first time (we’ve been married - happily, thankfully!! - 23 years) witnessed her gaslighting. She’s 75 now and is having more trouble “keeping up appearances” around him. I hate visiting her. She’s never been a maternal influence to me, and she’s not on the list of people I’d ever go to for advice. I’m an only child and to say I dread having to deal with her as she gets even older would be an understatement. We never had kids, because I saw the damage done to me and it wasn’t until it was too late that I realized I could move past my screwed-up psyche. The cycle was going to end with me.

[@lavenderchai1613]

Yes, my mom was emotionally unavailable and still is, healing is a choice. Taking ownership and accountability is a major key with my mom. I had to set much needed boundaries with her and say goodbye. I am thankful for her taking on this sacrifice which has taught me the kind of woman, mother and person I am and want to be and I love her at a distance. I can’t wait for her to start her healing journey because it is beautiful and very rewarding. I am coming from a place of love.

[@heyitsme5469]

I just discovered your page. Wow this video really hits home, I experienced every single one of these things. My family does not see any of this and therefore I am the scapegoat by seeing the truth and setting healthy boundaries, and limiting contact with them. It’s sad but I’m also grateful that I’m not participating in the circus anymore. Thank you!

[@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285]

I feel ya

[@charlabarnett6274]

Yes!!! Empathy is the key! Looking through the lense of empathy is what's missing! Connecting to another's pain and trying to understand how they might be feeling is empathy. I was not taught this growing up, this beautiful gift. I am now learning it and have found when I have empathy with myself it is much easier to have empathy with others. I really wish you would do a lesson on how empathy looks and acts. We really need this behavior as sons and daughters of God. Thanks Mark! I am so grateful for your teachings.

[@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285]

Yes

[@muskee1]

my mother’s famous response when I was getting abused by my ex was oh I’m to old to hear about this she could care less narcissist my dad was passive= no love growing up so how do we heal from this childhood stuff?

[@BT-be8rh]

Depends on your age, because I know my parents got married at an early age and then started having children right away ( because that's what they were told to do ) all the while not being emotionally mature for any of it. Being the last of those multiple children I witnessed a lot of what you're talking about.

[@chrislim7976]

Some of these points are simply profoundly accurate. I keep expecting my senior citizen parents to act their ages but it hasn't happened. How they "help" people but somehow make it about themselves is fun to witness.

[@stardust8563]

I'm autistic and i do relatable stories back to people to let them know I understand.

[@KathytheMama777]

All 12 of these I can relate too. 😢 I wished for my parents to be emotionally strong but they were both so immature. It’s so heartbreaking. Thank you so much Mr. DeJesus

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Having to apologize to the narc for the things the narc did to you is useless and demeaning. "Supply" for the narcssit.

[@readoryx373]

I am 50 and stuck and all these signs are things i have been trying to splain to a dozen therapists. I have always felt the high iq/low intelligence category has been unrelatable so simply as you conjugate them. Thanks for making these categories categorical, normal, empathiseable, if you will. I have forgiven and keep on forgiving, but feel oppressed by having all your categories as pathologies

[@CGAV638]

I recognize my parents in these signs, but also a lot of the trades in myself....So there is a lot of work to do 😊🙏. Thankfully I am already growing in the direction of taking responsibility for my own emotions and so thankful that God is helping ❤

[@emmyreed-poysden466]

Just bought the book Mark recommends in the book. So far, very good! Great recommendation 😊 I’ve also bought the follow up ‘ self care’ book called ‘Self care for adults of emotionally immature parents.’ It helps to implement daily practices to honour your emotions and live with confidence. Looks really good. Great to read alongside Marks videos! As always….GREAT content, brother Mark! 🎊 🎉❤

[@jesuslovesme2023]

Dealing with all of that right now. Going through a hard time in life. But I learned I can't tell my dad or any of my family for that matter because th they bring me down. Suck the energy out of me, by bringing me negativity, or making light of a serious subject, I couldn't understand it and it hurt me to not call the people I thought I should, family that is. Example, when I have job problems, I am 50 now, and the 2 answers my dad has given me my whole life, when I was young "go sell pickles" everyone loves pickles! And now that I'm older it "go sell paintings on the corner". So annoying. Then I feel guilty for not laughing at him, cause everyone else thinks it's funny, while it hurts me deeply. But this is also the man when I was very young and crying would say "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" (meaning a spanking, not in an abusive way)? THANKYOU everything you said makes sense now. And will help me in this healing process. My Dad is 87 now and I so badly want to have a deeper relationship with him. But only God can change him now. I see that. The Holy Spirit led me to this video, and you just saved me Mark from my own self tonight as I was about to write Dad a letter, explaining how I need him to change. Hahaha yep! 😬

[@nancybartley4610]

Are we emotionally immature because we had emotionally immature parents? How can we develop?

[@sharonbliss6455]

Thank You ,this really needs to be addressed in the Christian community

[@SabertoothedTiger69]

Atheist here, but when I was a christian, nearly every adult I encountered in that community was emotionally immature and it made it really hard for me to know how to connect with anything aside white hot anger. And I'm female, so I was generally looked down on and judged, anyway.

[@LiftingUrVeil-LUV]

Man you must have met my mother cause this screamed her name

[@marie-sophielandry3566]

😮 One of the most powerful videos I've seen! I had chills the whole time. As if every cell in my body was clapping at the same time! What a liberation to be validated, understood... This trauma created by the neglect of emotionally immature parents is the ball and chain that prevents me from moving forward, from living my life. I am now ready to free myself from it, to deliver myself from it. THANK YOU!❤

[@Outdoorswithmikey]

I’m here because I’ve realized that this is me. It’s a learnt behaviour to me. I know that I do these things and understand that it has hurt my family. Not just my wife and daughter but the whole family. I’m guilty of these and feel that I’m in purgatory and can’t stop despite knowing I’m the crux of our family’s dysfunction. I want to make these changes so desperately it keeps me up at night. I try to change but my family is already on defensive mode because of my history of dysfunction. It turns into a vicious cycle and I blame them as a result for not wanting to accept my acceptance of my issues. I’m ashamed of myself and desperately want to fix the years of being this man. Please help me.

[@BrotherCam]

They checked out for all of them. I'm running away today and I need prayers.

[@lollylula6399]

If you went through with it I hope you ended up somewhere safe. If you didn't go through with it please seek safe people you can go to or get plans together to become financially independent as soon as you can. Christ is with all of us all the time, always ask him for help or anything you need, you'll always be answered not always straight away or in obvious ways but the answers will always come. Love to you.

[@sugarandspice2136]

You described my mom perfectly. 😢

[@MonicaBU]

Hi mark, could the “inner critic” also be the adults you spent the most time around? Not just your parents?

[@Sweet2kiss1]

My thought exactly

[@bethanysaxton7351]

I was thinking of an elder sister, too, who was a bit of a bully and had a profound impact on how I saw myself.

[@nikstar1313]

Yes 🙌 in schema therapy it’s called the punitive parent voice that we need to combat ❤

[@BonBonHassan]

Yes anyone that was a "parental impactor" for me it was my mom, aunt and grandmother

[@bobbyggezs2898]

What can also suck is when they still do it when you're a full grown adult.

[@r.t.3742]

Well....i now know my parents were emotionally immature. And now i know i followed to be the same. Almost every one of these are on point from what i remember of my parents and now me. I don't shame my children like i was shamed. I don't take anything out on my kids. And I'm not abusive like my dad was. I give almost no discipline to any of my kids. I don't show or know how to deal with emotion. And i have all daughters and a wife that's extremely emotional. It's difficult. The first few points on this video are almost exactly me. The last half of this video isn't me. But being the first few is enough to be hard to swallow.

[@lollylula6399]

Jonice Webb's book Running on Empty goes over emotional neglect that comes from having emotionally immature parents, how to heal from it, and has a chapter dedicated to how to help your own children. I can't recommend it enough. I think society on the whole was not emotionally or psychologically healthy so it wasn't directly the previous generations faults, they didn't know any better. Now we're starting to know better we can start to do better. Part of evolution.

[@josho2455]

Mark D... thank you brother. I enjoy your breakdown and ability as a teacher. You have great vocal tone and I enjoy your voice. God bless my dude!

[@xw7239]

Thank you so much for your videos about family mental health

[@TheCoffeeCat]

I'm listening to that audiobook by Lindsay Gibson. Can't stop nodding all the way through...

[@limabima77]

Your voice is amazing sir!

[@0loveisaction]

Thanks Mark! Can you post a video on How do you deal with this?

[@shirkiahbull]

i understand all these..you did again. God bless you

[@Chelz15]

This channel has helped me a lot in this journey 💖

[@MelissaS106]

Bwahaha! Adulting has been so harsh, and yes, this is the first time I've seen this concept. Oh thank you God, you always provide a way! ❤🎉

[@asea1203]

Oh no, how come all 12 signs match with my experience 🥲😐

[@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285]

Off the subject but I really really like those lamps and soft lighting. Very easy on the eyes. And high quality microphone. Makes listening & watching such a more enjoyable experience

[@stevenrodman7046]

This makes me want to end it.I’m such a mess I was raised by teen parents who ruled every breath I take. Then my son was raise by the same people while I had to take a back seat to my own life.

[@SabertoothedTiger69]

Don't do that. There's still time to get things back on track. Just take a breath and look for the first small thing you can do to get started. I'm really sorry that you've gone through so much and it sucks. But it's not over. There is still time for you to take your power back

[@lavenderchai1613]

Hurt people, hurt people.

[@EIizabethGrace]

I mean, not really, though? Not every person who hurts others has been particularly hurt, and plenty of hurt people not only don’t hurt others, but are especially compassionate and empathetic people who make sure others don’t have to go through the same pain or that they get help in going through it.

[@JDobrozsi1]

Wow finding you Mark right now is from God himself. I am a few minutes into this video and it speaks to me big time knowing where I am today emotionally. I have been on a road of healing since 2012 and for the past several years I have finally realized where all my problems came from. My mother was and has been for years narcissistic and I am starting to think my Dad has been for years as well. Hearing now finally these things from a Christian perspective is so great because though it was nice to hear a non Christian approach it really is great now to hear more from a Christian outlook. God bless you for teaching others how to navigate these dark things that many don't understand how to.

[@bethanysaxton7351]

Great video, as usual. Thank you, Mark. I wanted to recommend another book on childhood emotional neglect that I found very helpful. It speaks to different parenting styles and the effect they can have: Running On Empty: Healing from Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb

[@marktdejesus]

Thanks!

[@daughteroflight8624]

Wow... Thank you so much. ❤️🌼

[@chikeogbonna4197]

Really thankful for your content Mark! Its been truly blessing me as i try to heal from brokenness that stems from addiction that stems from the emotional neglect I experienced as a child but didn’t realize it until adulthood. This is incredibly difficult journey smh

[@janebrown5378]

You hit the nail right on the head @ #9&10, I want to thank you for helping me recognize without a doubt that I am from a dysfunctional family, I used to think that they only involves an addict or alcoholic...I seen your other video of the types of dysfunctional familes and it led me to this one...thank you!!

[@sssttt2211]

This is really eye opening video. We become part of many systems , where focus of the system is to make you feel bad about yourself to get what they want. For past 1-2 years I am part of such systems and this would help me get out of it. Since I joined I never felt great about me. There is constant exploitation under guise of seva and I personally feel you are made to believe something and their beliefs are throttled down your neck.

[@She_Is_Toni]

Omf- I just clicked this randomly, but I would've never guessed that every single point would apply to my mother. I've already cut my father out 2 years ago at age 18. He was an obvious narcissist that my step sisters (who he lived with at the time) warned me about. The last thing I wanna do is cut my mum out of my life, but I feel like my sanity is on the line. I'm so exhausted tbh I don't know what to do. Nothing gets through to her. Not even her own mother.

[@ErikFindlingMusic]

This is why having parents who do not know God, causes all sorts of issues

[@こなた-m1o]

religious parents are often the main ones who act like this…

[@MsLondondude]

The only issue I have with this is it implied that emotionally immature parents are just products of trauma and cannot see the problem and change it. While I accept the role of trauma in affecting emotional regulation, I reject the idea that moral reasoning doesn't inform parents that they should change. A failure to change implies a motive that is not directed towards the good but rather towards their own selfish desires and interests.

[@lkb3rd]

I don't let them off the hook either. With my parent, I laid it all out calmly what the bad behaviors were, how it was hurting me and everyone around them. Numerous times. They pretended to agree, and I said ok, and there was NO CHANGE whatsoever. Not even one day. They just acted the same old way. The problem was my bitching, not their behavior, so when I stopped(due to their lying promises), problem solved.

[@MsLondondude]

@@lkb3rd I tend to agree with you here.

[@SabertoothedTiger69]

I don't think emotionally immature people are *able* to recognize their flaws because it means they aren't as good as they want to pretend they are. They're preoccupied with their self image and you're "bad" for infringing on that. Problem solved, right? I think pointing out that emotionally immature people are products of trauma helps give a "why" to the reasons they do what they do. My life has been nonstop crackheadery, so I *need* things to make sense. Pointing out why they are the way they are helps explain and bolster healing

[@cisco8399]

No one ever really psychologically grows up there toys just get bigger

[@rhondajkestin]

You SHOULD honor their position, yet if they act dishonorable, you don't HAVE to honor their behavior! Obey them while at home, and help them out in their old age, but don't put up with poor behavior!

[@oilinmylamp]

I remember being taught in school when I was very young, how to relate to others by connecting it to something personal. I function in this alot because it was what I was taught. So this is narcissistic?

[@Alphacentauri819]

@@oilinmylamp it’s not inherently narcissistic…but it can be problematic. The best way to connect to others is to ask more questions, “tell me more”? Genuinely listen to learn, to get better insight into them and the world. This does wonders.

[@trevorphillips9576]

Im not christian but thanks. This was enlightening.

[@pamwatkins4855]

Compassionate share, safe.....

[@kevindavis4709]

Does arguing over who’s not doing things around the house count? I’ll say if little kids did that they’ll be in trouble it’s like they not living by examples of everyday tasks.

[@daughteroflight8624]

Thank you. 🙏🏻💖

[@Fegga1955]

Thank you

[@LastRebel1978]

Mom still carrying her trauma and dad still thinks money solves things. Can’t identify their emotions is correct. They provided well but we have no family as they divorced. I forgive them about 25yrs old. I’m 45 now but still don’t understand why I have not fulfilled there this is family and we’re all happy fantasy. They know they’ve fallen short in many ways but still can’t discuss it in any healthy way. They do still support me and my brother and we do them best we can but we both have sons now and have never had their grandparents bond with them even though they do love them and are proud. Gods grace will have to be sufficient I guess. I hope I get the chance and can get into position to be an awesome grandfather for my sons and their families. Learned what to do and not to do from my good but crazy family and being bullied for being sensitive. I’m not perfect either but told my sons that much and give them a voice always even if I remain in authority in the important things in life. We all fall short I just when you can’t have that discussion. Children want to love and understand if you will give them the chance. They don’t know anything we or culture doesn’t teach them. Best wishes to all adults or mothers and fathers. What ever hurt you have or have done it’s never too late to start doing right even though some things you can’t change…..not an excuse

[@iamenough6958]

😮 Thanks

[@jaylove7ful]

This sounds like my parents.

[@Nightwalker25-m3u]

This is soo confusing. So why did how do undo this narky parent things?

[@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285]

I could almost swear this is the Royal We

[@russellsurf]

The "Thanks" doesn't work for me. I hope you'll start with Patreon.

[@limabima77]

#6,7,8,9,10,11,12,!!!!!

[@SunStar-gn1qe]

Yes

[@Morrighanangel84]

Actually someone does get pregnant overnight 😂

[@wisdomscall8485]

18:00

[@SavedbyGraceRightlyDividing]

I just started reading the book that you recommended and this explains a lot for me regarding my parents. Thank you! 🪻

[@semple1029]

👋🏻👏🏻

[@GodIsLove1John416]

This describes my parents and others 100%. I keep being told I need to let go and forgive. I don't know how to get all of the negative words spoken to me moreso than positive and neglect, out of my head.

[@DJPoundPuppy]

Ouch

[@chuntathecat4222]

My mom was not, but my dad 100 percent adult child with no responsibility or not serious

[@IBitchSlapSatan]

😂 ♥