A 31 year old contemplates whether or not to have kids

[@thereseo4655]

Babies are a lot of work, but boy do that bring so much extra joy. I even struggled with partum and postpartum mental and physical health issues and boy is it worth it. I'm still working through it all, but lofe is so beautiful with my little babes!! Children help teach you so much about life. They help you grow as a person (as long as you let them.) It's so rewarding. You wouldn't be questioning it if there wasn't a part of you that might want them. It's super Important to have a committed partner who is willing to go all in on parenting too. Someone who's going to love you at your worst and love your children through their worst. Praying you are enlightened with what is right for your life! 🥰

[@elisezliu]

Love hearing about the positives!! 🥹

[@nanli4063]

Omgosh I'm so excited I discovered you with your silicon valley apartment video popping up in my feed - I also live in silicon valley and lived in a 3 bed apartment with 7 other students at Cal in 2014! And umm how are these the exact thoughts I have while I perused the r/Fencesitter subreddit. I have no answers but these are literally all of the same thoughts I have in the pros and cons. I haven't figured it out for myself but at also early 30s, I feel the window closing.

[@hinkle3634]

Child free people can have low stress lives and live materialistically if they want . You'll get different views from both sides. The thing about children is you are raising a baby into an adult and you have to be a full time teacher to this person. People act like education is a shortcut but you will always be bombarded with questions that you are expected to have wise answers to. Now that I have children I miss the freedom of being able to live dangerously. I'm now deathly afraid to do things like scuba dive or even simply walking alone because my life isn't just mine anymore. It's definitely a little harder to travel and be adventurous but it's not because you can't do it, partly it's because your mind will be accustomed to calculating risks and costs. Don't feel ashamed if you don't want children but if you do want them don't wait until it's too late and you regret waiting.

[@elisezliu]

Well said!! You stay safe out there on your walks 😅 but truly hope your kids have you for a very long time

[@matchaclov3r]

I'm also in my 30s, working in healthcare in the Bay Area like you. I used to think I would just have kids, not really thinking about it, just thinking it was "the thing to do" after reaching certain life milestones. All my female friends/family members my age are having babies. But I feel like living as an adult and learning more about myself has changed my mind. However, my partner has been hinting at it recently and it's scaring me. To be honest, I envy your lifestyle. You're beautiful and independent. And you touched on a lot of the things that have been going through my head. I'm so glad I'm not alone. 🥺

[@elisezliu]

Yes, this decade of life is so perplexing. So many potential options and I feel like we have more time to have existential crises when our friends are too busy keeping their babies alive 😅 glad we’re in this boat together!

[@Prp1815]

Another point apart from loneliness is that in family-based societies, especially in countries with poor social security net (not necessarily poor countries at all) people fear not having anyone to take care of them and regard having children as essential for that... In today's world, having kids is not a guarantee of not being lonely or being taken care unfortunately. The only guarantee is financial security (and children take that away often 😅). Besides that, people I know in their 70s-80s that didn't have kids have a fulfilled life. They have a social circle and interests that they have developed over decades. They also go to the gym which is great and keep a healthy life. At the end of the day it's a personal choice. Not liking kids is probably a major reason to say pass. Currently, so many people decide not to have kids that I think we will not be alone by the time we reach 70yo. Society is changing.

[@elisezliu]

You’re absolutely right, I didn’t even think about, there’s so many of us thinking about this which means that maybe we’ll all be free to hang out in our 80s together 💃🕺🎉

[@xysarenottheprize]

Do NOT have children if you’re not 100% sure you want them.

[@Sean-ll5cm]

You're always gonna have doubts though. I reckon if it's 50/50 have children.

[@kaileyjacomet4660]

Babies are babies for a blink of an eye and children are not children for long. All the inconveniences they bring last for a drop in the bucket of time. For most of your life, they will be your adult family members and you will spend a lot of your life missing those "good old days", remembering very little about the hardships.

[@elisezliu]

Beautifully said, thank you for contributing to this really thoughtful discussion 😊

[@JennAlmaguer]

girl SAME! Thanks for sharing ❤

[@elisezliu]

Hahaha glad to know we’re in the same boat, thanks for watching!! 🥰

[@josealves2128]

If you're not 100% sure, don't have them.

[@GorgieClarissa]

idk if i'm really child free by choice... men are getting worse and worse and I am struggling to find a decent partner. i'm at the point in my life where I don't NEED a partner... but i want one. but they don't seem to exist... i also had a really crappy childhood, so being and having a stable life is so important to me. I definitely don't want a kid if I can even buy them school lunch or xmas presents. this country keeps getting worse and worse by the minute. housing is getting so expensive that the ''good'' money i'm making now just really isn't cutting it anymore. i'm just so frustrated. i think if i were in a place of solid stability, i might be able to say 100% that i was child free by choice. but it doesn't feel that way for me. i have no desire to run out and get pregnant by some random guy and be on the struggle bus as a single mom. i'd rather just have no kids... but i guess is that considered a choice? or not? i think this video is SOOOOO important. i'm in my 30s now. i'm not getting any younger and it scares me. it's hard to enjoy some of the things i'm even able to do... because of the life i came from and how i wonder if i am or am not making a mistake. i'm moving to france in 2 months. i couldn't do that with a kid. i have my cat and that is already stressful enough!

[@elisezliu]

I totally resonate with your points, France sounds like a great refresh though!! So excited for you 💃💃

[@Eikon90]

You need to find the right guy that you can depend on. Those guys do exist however I’ve seen some of the guys on the dating apps in the Bay Area and it is rough.

[@bubbabunny4258]

Sleep deprivation is not always true because my daughter slept through the night from age 6 weeks old. If you do routine and very strict with schedule, your baby will sleep well. Not sure if this is the case when they turn teens. For kids with disabilities or will require long term care, it can be money draining and big burden for relatives because what will happen to them if you died. Who will take care of them? Some kids are very picky with food. I know people who don’t have kids, they love their life even now in their 70s. They travel all the time and have enough money left for retirement. They don’t have to stress about their adult children needing money from them. They don’t have to worry about their kids fighting with them and making them cry and say hurtful things to you. One of my grandma had two kids but died in childhood and my other grandma’s kids were taken care of by this grandma and when they grew up, they took care of her. Sometimes you get kids without giving birth to them and you didn’t quite expect that such a step kid or adapted kid.

[@elisezliu]

These are such lovely and thoughtful points!! I’m so glad you brought up the example of good sleepers and that couple :) lots to think about

[@alhkcblack9617]

Since you're already in your 30's and not really sure go get your eggs frozen to buy yourself more time.

[@Ace-v3t]

Go child free especially in today’s fucked up world