A Compassionate Inquiry with Gabor Maté

[@alankumma4043]

I am amazed. I am so tearful I cant hardly see the keyboard. I am a recovering addict that nearly killed my 9-month old grandson due to an accidental Meth Poisoning and am writing a book about my life story piggy backing on Mr. Matte's book in the Realm of Hungry Ghosts. This is not a plug for my book. I am simply overwhelmed. When I compare Mr.Matte's book with my life it overwhelms me. When I hear him speak to Jesse I am touched at the core of my being. I have been in jail. I have sat in isolation with nothing on but a horsehair blanket because I admitted my Suicidal Ideation and today I am in recovery with an actual hope. I am very poor but I intend to contribute to the Prison Project. Thank You for your work

[@dolan89]

He is a good hearted wise person.

[@TomTom-df9ph]

Thankyou both . A great privilege to be in your company.

[@ReversingDiabetes]

I sob when I watch him because I wish I were as gentle with other people as he is. I sob when I watch him because I wish I were as gentle with *myself* as he is. I sob when I watch him as I already did ACOA and multiple iterations of therapy, and like to think I've already dealt with all my childhood trauma. He reminds me that though I'm "good enough" as I am, if I want to be a better me, I am really going to have to deal with it further. This video broke my heart.

[@ExtraPencil2]

I sob when I read your words because… I don’t know why But they resonate in my heart and mind. They resonate with me.

[@mzabs1871]

((Hugs))

[@pauljung3534]

“I was powerless over my childhood but the coping strategies that I developed, to survive, all of which were creative and brilliant and got me through, as an adult those became my defects of character. Those became my shortcomings, control, and all that kind of stuff… and that’s my responsibility. I was a blameless child in what happened in the home; I take responsibility for my behaviors as an adult.” ~ Ashley Judd “It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past - what matters are the choices you make right now. God gives you the chance to start over with every breath.” ~ Ashley Judd "When you bring consciousness to anything, things begin to shift." ~ Eve Ensler "It's the same with the wound in our hearts. We need to give them our attention so that they can heal. Otherwise the wounds continue to cause us pain. Sometimes for a very long time. We're all going to get hurt. But here's the trick - they also serve an amazing purpose. When our hearts are wounded that's when they open. We grow through pain. We grow through difficult situations. That's why you have to embrace each and every difficult thing in your life." ~ James Doty "Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us." ~ Marianne Williamson "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross "Kintsugi is a pottery technique. When something breaks, like a vase, they glue it back together with melted gold. Instead of making the cracks invisible, they make them beautiful. To celebrate the history of the object. What it's been through. And I was just... Thinking of us like that. My heart full of gold veins, instead of cracks." ~ Leah Raeder "Great art is always a way of concentrating, reinventing what is called fact, what we know of our existence - a reconcentration… tearing away the veils, the attitudes people acquire of their time and earlier time. Really good artists tear down those veils." ~ Francis Bacon "Love's fulfillment.. it is gut & grace, coming into place." ~ Paul Jung

[@sherececocco]

Wow! Wow! Wow!🤯 "Lord of the flies is not in our nature it is in our culture " Nailed it ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@efortune357]

Notes & Quotes: ***6:20 Q: I have an ACE (Adverse Childhood Experience) score of 10. I have family members with a score of 10 as well. Why did they not end up in gangs, addicts, or prisons. Why me and Not them? (6:35) Gabor: That’s a really great question. There are two major answers to it. One is that trauma is not what happens to us, it’s what happens inside of us as a result of what happens to us. So, two people can have the same external experience, but have different response to it. Now that partly depends on sensitivity. The more sensitive you are born, sensitive is from the Latin work ‘sincere’, to feel. So, the more sensitive you are, the more you feel. So, when bad things happen, if you’re very sensitive, you’re going to be hurting that much more, and you’ll have that much more need to escape from the pain into addictions and violence and all kinds of other behaviors. Think of it, if I tap my shoulder right now, it doesn’t hurt at all. But if there was a wound there and my shoulder was bare and I was tapping on the wound, it’d be excruciatingly painful. Even though externally, it looks the same. So, partly it depends on sensitivity. And I’m telling you some of the people in prison are some of the most sensitive people in the world in the sense that they feel more, therefore they hurt more, and the more they hurt, they more they need to escape from the pain. So that’s one answer, is the degree of sensitivity. The other is terrible things may happen to a person but if there’s even one individual around that can somehow hold them or connect with them or validate them, or just speak nicely to them, or accept them, the wound will not be as deep. So it’s a question of A) how sensitive you are. And secondly, was there even one person around, just one, or maybe couldn’t even rescue you or change your situation but at least see you, and hear you, and somehow give you a little bit of love. Then the impact of those same experiences will not be so devastating. 10:30 Real Lord of the Flies. Not in our Nature. It’s in our culture 10:35 What’s causing gangs? Humans have a deep need to connect 16:30 Q: What’s the message the child gets in a violent home? -Have to be vigilant, defensive, world is unsafe -Child feels worthless, because if I was my parents wouldn’t act this way -relationships are not to be trusted and are confusing, but will enter into relationships because that’s all they know -They have to work very hard to make things better , more girls than boys, Boys message is I need to be violent to survive 17:50 ***20:50 Dr. Gabor Mate: “I think that some of the most sensitive people are in jail for the reasons that I mentioned. And the more hurt you are the more likely you are to go in the wrong direction. But the more sensitive you are, the more hurt you are going to be. But sensitivity also means that you are going to be capable of actually more insight, that much more creative, that much more intuitive. So there are some incredible people in jail who, had they had a different childhood just would’ve been leaders, and creators, and artists, and writers, and musicians, spiritual guides. I’m telling you, our jails are populated with some of the most incredible potential in our society. But given racial, or economic, or multi-generational traumatic circumstances, that sensitivity got trampled on, and as a result people became aggressive, and protective, and mistrustful, and doing things that were harmful to themselves and to others, and now we’re punishing them. But why are we punishing them? We’re punishing them for the fact that they were hurt and that nobody understood their pain. That’s what we are punishing them for. …If we understood their pain we’d have to look at the many ways in which society hurts people, in which we let children down, in which we stress human beings, in which we exploit and manipulate them, and how we’re hurting ourselves and how much hurt there is in ourselves. Well, it’s better to just condemn and judge other people and see them as these terrible ‘others’ than to look at all the pain that they carry that we also carry but we’re just afraid to look at. …Addiction shows up as a solution. And I ask people, I don’t care what they’re addicted to, whether it’s cocaine, crystal meth, fentanyl, heroine, or nicotine, alcohol, pornography, gambling, sex, or shopping, or eating, or whatever it is. If you’re asking the question not what’s wrong with addiction but what’s right about it? What does it give you? They’ll say it numbs me. Well, when do people need to be numbed? When they’re in pain. Like at a dentist’s office. They’ll say it makes me feel connected. Well, isn’t that wonderful? We all want to feel connected. It gives me inner peace. It relieves my stress. It soothes my pain. It makes me feel powerful. Those are states that we all want and actually need. To which my response is, well, that shows you that addiction is not your primary problem. You don’t have a disease. What you have is the problem of emotional pain. You have a problem of stress that you cannot handle. You have the problem of being alone. You have the problem of powerlessness. You have the problem of lack of connection. Those are imprints of trauma. So the addiction is not some disease or stupid choice you made. Addiction actually comes along to temporarily give you things that every human being needs. Now it goes without saying, addictions will also create many more problems, make you suffer. As Eckhart Tolle said, addictions begin in pain and end in pain. That’s true. But we have to understand the pain that addictions originate in. And rather than dismissing, or judging, or punishing people, we need to say ‘Well ok. How can we help you get back that love, that connection, that sense of power, that sense of belonging, the inner peace that you lost a long time ago. That’s the real answer to addiction. Not punishment. ***25:40 disconnecting from the essential self 29:15 41:50 research, prison guards also traumatized 43:25 med people hostility makes situation works 47:25 teen violence,ace 54:00 parent and kid trauma 56:40 Adult addicts think that what they want is what they need, same at three year old ***56:50 Dr. Gabor Mate: “So the two-year-old wants that cookie. Mommy says no. If she’s being a good mother she’ll say no. She’ll set a boundary. And the kid goes into a tantrum. But what if mommy was told that an angry kid should be made to sit by themselves and give them a timeout? Now, the child has this need to connect with mommy because inside he knows he can’t survive without it. If mommy keeps saying ‘Good little kids don’t get angry. Now you go sit by yourself.’ The message the kids get is that angry little kids don’t get loved. Now, I have this authentic feeling of anger because I didn’t get my cookie, but I can’t express it because if I do I’ll be rejected. So, what am I going to choose? The nurturing of my mommy or my authentic feeling? Well, very few children could abide choosing their authentic selves. So they suppress their authentic self, so you lose connection with yourself to stay connected to your parents. Now, take an abusive situation where you’re really being hurt, never mind not getting a cookie, but you’re really getting hurt. But if you acted out your rage or you tried to run away, you’d be lost. So you suppress all that. When you suppress your genuine feelings, you’re losing your connection to yourself. So you’re choosing the connection with the other person and you’re giving up the connection to yourself. …You’re connection to your gut feelings. Yeah, absolutely. I was talking about that before. So that’s what recovery always means is coming back to ourselves. …Well, that’s the point. You got the message that it wasn’t safe to be who you are and that means you’re going to gravitate towards men who are going to reinforce that message for you. Until you figure it out. ***1:02:00. Q: what happens to abused kids brains? Gabor highly recommends “What Happened to Yo” by Dr Bruce Perry and Oprah Child’s executive functions go offline as adult 1:04:00 adult neuroplasticity

[@rebeccachan6734]

Thanks for that! Copy and pasted into my notes Appreciated

[@Susi-saintsusilily]

Thank you for your love!

[@daowoman]

I am touched so deeply with the level of understanding, compassion, and insight into who we truly are!

[@ExtraPencil2]

I hear the story of his early trauma, and it's staggering to see what he's achieved, the level of compassion and understanding. Thank you both for a conversation that helps me believe in the possibility of healing.

[@FKA68]

What a moving, beautiful conversation which was a pleasure to witness. I listen to and read every word I can find from Gabor Maté. I spread his ideas and ways of approaching trauma to my clients and anyone else who will listen. It was the first time hearing about this project in prisons. What incredible and important work. Thank you for what you do with those incarcerated men. Blessings to you all.

[@DesiranKehendak]

The humility that both of you show is inspiring. Thank you for sharing this conversation..

[@pauljohnt3422]

Dr. Gabor Mate’s unique wisdom and philosophy on any of his presented subjects are truly meaningful to me. Love you Dr. Mate

[@chadmichael_]

I’m deeply moved by all of this.

[@MR-tn5kv]

So wonderful to hear Gabor, from his tone to what he says - yes, he’s wise, honest, calm, clear, loving. And the host too, for me it was very eye opening to hear her speak of her work with prisoners & her respect for their intelligence & humanity. Chris Hedges also speaks of his awe for the people he’s taught & learned from at prisons. Thanks both - lots to digest and think about, learned a lot.

[@nitinkumaramin8915]

I am looking after a young man with addiction and Sir your words make me cry of my own deep pain and trauma my friend is talking about his traumatic time in his childhood.

[@onebreathwell-being]

Curiosity is a sign of awakening 🙏🏻. What a beautiful and insightful conversation. Thank you so much 💚💙🌿💦

[@karma__life]

Best episode of Gabor Mate, thank you 🙏🏽

[@juliescott4942]

Love both of your work!!! I use a therapy on clients which works purely on their beliefs and fears. What those who have been traumatised don’t realise, is that during a traumatic event, they form so many beliefs and fears that then sit in their UNCONSCIOUS minds. These beliefs and fears are what situations or events trigger, which then cause all the suppressed emotions to surface, causing the outbursts of anger and rage. Because these beliefs and fears are in the unconscious mind, they are often uncontrollable, we have an automatic response to something and don’t understand why. They are also the cause of their depression, anxiety and addictions. It’s so very important to work with both the unconscious as well as the conscious mind to heal. It is so much quicker. I am getting the most amazing immediate changes in my clients using this method. Many of my clients have been going to regular psychotherapy or counselling for years with little or no results, because it only works with their conscious mind.My clients are amazed how quickly this method works. Carry on your great work, you are both making a great difference to this world !

[@mimilepsge6785]

Brilliant. So much compassion and humility and love for Humanity in both of you. It's heartbreakingly beautiful thank you so so much for the work you do and the people that you are.

[@daviddooley7458]

Question for Dr. Mate. An entirely new kind of parenting education that reaches everyone, everywhere, all the time could be a powerful form of primary prevention. Should public health organizations be developing this new kind of parenting education?

[@ashleyvaughn5213]

WOW, "you may sing beautifully but if your singing to a person that is tone deaf" "cant show colors to a person who is color blind" SPEAKS VOLUMES. Fully healing yourself, understanding yourself and living your life in the way that fulfills you is what matters. I think everyone should be able to thrive and be themselves without harm and provide space to allow others to safely be themselves without harm. LOVE THIS

[@javiermoreira8585]

Excelente ambos!! los admiro y respeto. Me siento onectado a Uds. Un Abrazo

[@t.d.6731]

👌👏👏👏❤️ Wow, this is the most awesome clarification why some people just are stuck and others don’t while all have 10 out of 10 ACE-scores! Such a deliberation for people with existential depression. Thank you for this important and good interview and messages🙏❤️

[@jenniferdegandt8988]

Thank you Thank you this is so clear, so humane so real. Blessings on both of you and may your work thrive everywhere.

[@sandracaezza7234]

I pray my ex husband finds these discussions. We were together 24 yrs many relapses much 12 step work I could not help him to feel his childhood trauma & do a deep dive. We all knew (family etc) his pain, anxiety. I am unsure of all his triggers but his addictions have become more, gay porn, social media, exercise mail order drugs. I let go, surrendered to this last relapse. I became aware if I did not set myself free I would suffer physically. I now work daily on compassion for myself. Thank you for helping me move forward.

[@tnaugh]

It seems like the work of reconnecting with your true self is something along the line of essentially meeting this person for the first time and developing a relationship with that person…

[@trishdocter1806]

Thanks for the amazing wisdom. I am beyond excited that Gabor is doing Hello Again with Daniel. I’ve watched it many times and hoped that they would do more. So grateful this is happening!!!!!!!

[@FlarenG]

My C-PTSD in a SPECT brain scan shows overactive limbic and emotional areas: Anterior cingulate gyrus - overthinking and fixation on negatives, Basal ganglia and amygdala - increased anxiousness and expecting the worst, and Thalamus - heightened sensory awareness.

[@alvodin6197]

What a bunch of jargon. Maybe let's call things for what they are, if you want to actually get better that is. First C-ptsd isn't even a recognized diagnosis. Whatever c-ptsd is, it certainly isn't some seperate entity from you that you somehow "have". That's just a way of distancing yourself from your actual trauma and negative experiences. You have fucking trauma, not this jargon about areasighting up on spect or MRI scans. Areas of your brain being active has almost zero significant meaning for what you need help with. So instead of trying stereilize and euphemize your life, let's just call things for what they are. You are traumatized, simply. It's not a seperate disorder which is somehow a apart from you. It is you, so don't distance yourself from it. Seperating the mind and body is.non sense.

[@Alexandra-th7hm]

we are punishing them for their acting out as a result of being hurt as children ,lets make that clear... it is not that we are directly punishing them for being hurt as children... how we frame things in our language is important so we are truly clear on what is true.

[@BubblesandSudz]

My fav DR Gabor ..he's my hero .especially During covid..in my living room..YOU TUBE

[@michaelpond813]

We take Gabor's wisdom and gods grace as therapy for us and others.

[@jylyhughes5085]

So beautiful ..... Gabor Mate, you are such a treasure. Thank you thank you for this tender conversation ..... xxx

[@soberlovingradical1819]

Such a beautiful and wise conversation. I'm a student of Compassionate Inquiry , Gabors therapeutic approach and this touched me deeply.Thank you x

[@drendelous]

you are so lucky to be able to talk to him. he is my north star

[@upendasana7857]

I have to say this prison project work sounds amazing and is so needed. The thought of what many people in prison might have been through in their lives and the level of trauma is hard to imagine or think about.I'm sure not every prisoner is repentent or willing to do the work on themselves just like many of us in the general population but how amazing to have people like you there and projects like this to give people a chance of rcovery and healing. It is so often the systems which we live in which traumatise us and yes all the practices like meditation and compassionate enquiry need to happen everywhere and particualrly in healthcare,education and judicial and prison system. I'm so glad you are coming to UK and Scotland to share your skills and knowledge....I wonder why just Scotland and not other areas of UK...hhmm maybe that says alot about how Scotalnd tends towards more progressive answers to certain issues than we do in England. Also not sure if others here might know about the film The Work which is also another excellent film covering effects of trauma and takes place in a prison and with some participants who are also outside of prison but also have their issues they want to look at and do so with the other prisoners...a very powerful film.

[@profdavidclark]

Wonderful discussion between two such amazing human beings. So much wisdom.

[@helenryan2848]

Another excellent podcast. Very informative and enlightening. The Compassion Trauma Circle could be helpful to most humans. Really looking forward to Gabor's new book. Thank you both for your contribution to humanity.

[@marielleo4715]

I think this woman was fast unnessesery in this conversation Gabor would have had to speak a monolog absolutly alone. This was again the genius!

[@shanubagga4376]

Thank you for uploading this information for free. Self help under budget.

[@BecomeConsciousNow]

We're all a work in progress. Great interview.

[@levonbigelow412]

This was absolutely beautiful. Thank you both for this conversation.

[@colleenleonard7026]

Thank you! Wisdoms, compassion, understanding at its finest!

[@leonahearted2585]

Thank you both so much

[@ThereseThorne]

Congratulations great read

[@hulyaungor1285]

Thanks you so much . I have been following Dr mate in years and without him I don’t now where I would be mentally. I have seen you on Wisdom of trauma movie and really admired the work you are doing. Both of you give me hope, light, and courage.thank you again I watch with tears and I promise I make sure growing from here.

[@williamnixon7073]

It is now clear to me why I fell in love with Fritz, all those years ago!bravo you beautiful souls!

[@jennytaylor3324]

Pure gold.

[@HeartFeltGesture]

They teach Vipassana meditation in Indian prisons, they have a low recidivism rate. The reason Gabor Mates' approach is so holistic is because he knows about the True Self and the Great Spiritual Sages. The Self that Eternally Witnesses all arising, changing and passing away of phenomena, Recognizing all arising as non-binding modifications of Its Own Inherent Energy, including the body, the world and the Cosmic Domain.

[@wayofspinoza2471]

Dr. Gabor Mate has given us much; however, there is more. Gurdjieff and Spinoza’s teachings give us keys how to awaken our mind and learn the power of understanding our trauma, addictions and face the problems that confronts us, then it’s possible to become free.

[@sarakatan6621]

Thank you ❤

[@Lakshmi235Lakshmi]

Thank you so much 🎩🙏🤗🌹

[@neuronerd5211]

How do you differentiate between those inmates that are incarcerated due to untreated childhood trauma and those that are truly psychopathic?

[@Gigiyoungerme]

Thank you

[@georgettefusco5969]

Thank you so much for this. I have been learning about Fr Greg Boyle and his work through Homeboy Industries ... this resonates so much with his work.

[@ariadnaju421]

Thak you for your work.And love.That's how you change the world.

[@sarahtushemereirwetwine3722]

🎉❤thank you for sharing. Words fail me but hopefully I will

[@Dumballa]

Great job 😊

[@clare5571]

Beautiful and inspiring video. Would love to contribute to your cause and work anyway I can… I’m a registered nurse and very spiritual person. Let me know how I can help in anyway. Best wishes 🙏🏻

[@LasVegasSand_s]

Wow. Thank you so much for this. 22:00 discussion is sth ill come back to.

[@patriciamuller72]

Amazing 💕

[@cyberpunkworld]

The reference to Leviticus 12 stands out nicely, I only read the Greek version honestly yet I think it would become transparent eventually and flamboyant enough too only to draw a parallel between what is commonly denoted as Esoteric Knowledge without any pretense whatsoever into the later school of the Kabbalists... What do you think?

[@robbiemontgomery581]

Just finished listening on Spotify, great podcast. Thank you both. Love from Scotland X

[@pauljung3534]

"And to understand, is to transform what is." ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti “Only if we understand, can we care. Only if we care, we will help. Only if we help, we shall be saved." ~ Jane Goodall "In taking care of each other, we affirm our human nature, our collective strength and wholeness, our societal and ecological stewardship, our future. This is our soul.. our sole raison d'etre." ~ Paul Jung "I carry meaning. I care for family. I care for society. I care for environment, all life. I care for their future. I cannot just live for I. I came to be, because of what came before. And thus, I am now, for what will be --meaningfully." ~ Paul Jung "Somewhere along the way, there develops within the soul a yearning that can no longer be ignored, a craving for the great love affair. We feel it drawing ever closer. It is the greatest of them all. It cannot fail. It is all consuming. It is incomparable. It is the love affair with our own true nature and the source from which it comes. The desire is in all of us but, more often than not, it is ignored for other interests. We wrestle with each interest, trying to make it work, growing with each adventure until the light has grown bright enough for us to reach for it." ~ Donna Goddard "... the salvation of this human world lies nowhere else than in the human heart, in the human power to reflect, in human modesty, and in human responsibility. Without a global revolution in the sphere of human consciousness, nothing will change for the better." ~ Vaclav Havel "You have to dream in a wholesome way, not just dream about yourself, but dream about what's best for all." ~ Audrey Hepburn

[@lenuvian]

Great conversation. Thank you. I wish we could retire the phrase "drugs and alcohol". I hear it so often. Who is spreading this around and why? Big alcohol? I lost two of my friends in their twenties to alcohol. If it deserves it's own category, it would be for how especially detrimental to health, that drug is. So much slow motion suicide, I have seen with this drug since.

[@sarahtushemereirwetwine3722]

🎉❤thank you for sharing. How does one handle spiritual principles of faith, confession of Jesus finished work and being authentic, valnurable talking about pain, trauma responses

[@stevebenic1345]

I wonder if gabor notices his own semi aggressiveness in this interview

[@part775]

For sure

[@bagyalakshmi5973]

❤

[@helgahegedus1745]

🙏🙏🙏

[@rebekkahaas5472]

Which Film is that he‘s mentioning at 5:00?

[@compassioninaction.]

The Wisdom of Trauma

[@nadine4945]

Compassion in Action please message me I’d like to discuss the program your organization does.. I volunteered in a correctional facility from a biblical standpoint but was Intrigued on what yours is about:)

[@zovalentine7305]

Gabor Mate MD PhD ❤

[@spirit796]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@robynhope219]

Einstein said: "two things are infinite...the universe and human stupidity"

[@kiatakalmon4404]

he comes across quite odd in the beginning. with his advertising spiel....and the weird comment to her when she asks him if there is something specific he wants to cover... i notice he got a chip on his shoulder. the fame got to him i guess