A Conversation w/ Stephanie Williams: 8 Years & 95% Healed from Benzodiazepines

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Guest Bio: Stephanie Williams is 59 and from Texas. She was on clonazepam (Klonopin) for 4 years. She did a very rapid taper, and it took her 8 years to finally feel 95% better. This is her story.

[@kristianmuus5672]

Im 6 years in protracted withdrawal from an antipsychotic. Im maybe 70-75% better, so this story resionate with me somehow, as far as psych meds. May all the people watching this video have a complete recovery and a fullfilling life.

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

I'm so happy that you're doing better. That's a long time and and you kicked butt!

[@MedicatingNormal]

Amen!

[@DiogoSantos-ix5sl]

Same here, 1 year and 3 months out. Good to read there’s hope.

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

@@DiogoSantos-ix5sl Glad you kept going too! No one will truly understand what we've went through. Proud of you for that.

[@Jess-1095]

What drug were you on? And how long were you on them?

[@pf100andahalf]

I am so proud of Stephanie for hanging in there. I was on 1mg clonazepam for 5 years. I tapered for 2 years and I've been off 3 years and for about the last 12 months I can sleep "good enough" now where some nights I can sleep 6 hours. I'm around 90-95% recovered. I feel I owe my life to all the people that helped me on forums and videos like this one.

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

This is music to my ears. I love to hear people are healing like myself. I promise it keeps getting better!

[@CF-Warrior]

How do I deal with thoughts I'm insane? Nothing makes sense, everything bothers me... The confusion, the Dp/Dr... For me it's 90% mental. I'm doing the Ashton method. Every thought feels horrible... It's just evil

[@pf100andahalf]

@@CF-Warrior You might need to do less of a cut during your taper, or hold longer with each cut, or both.

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

Are you holding in between cuts to see if the mental sxs lesson any?

[@CF-Warrior]

@@pf100andahalf also, when I take my dose, I feel worse.. I dunno

[@shan4145]

“I’m always recovering “and always healing . “ Don’t give up “ “I’m not going to let a pill take my life “ paraphrasing 💎

[@carolinecroft7029]

Thank you for your story. Only those who have been through this know the horrors of years of suffering.

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

Thank you!

[@shan4145]

I have a journal and I wrote what I could about the severe effects while smoking weed medicine I need in order to write it . What I learned from all your videos and related videos that it takes time and patience and trying to surviving every second .

[@pikkuoo]

I'm seven months off tomorrow and I'm *so* much better, it's almost incredible. I was kindled and awfully ill for a few years, but to my amazement once I was off the benzo, my symptoms started to ease off one by one. I still don't sleep and have a lot of pain, but all the fears, the anxiety and dpr/dr are gone. Thank you for your advocacy! ❤

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

Yay!!! I'm so happy to see these comments of everyone healing. Keep going. It's gets even better. 😊

[@nataliehoblitzell5529]

I have so much pain!!! I CTd Xanax four years ago and was put on Cymbalta…which has a side effect of fibro even though it’s supposed to treat it. Is your pain any better yet?

[@shan4145]

I’m glad you made it so I can watch this 💎 gem video so thank you 💎💖🦋🦢✨🙋🏻‍♀️🇨🇦

[@kjmav10135]

“You’re so used to kicking your own butt.” SO TRUE! We have to re-learn how to be compassionate with ourselves when we’ve been through something like this. It’s going from EXTERNAL locus of control to TAKING OUR POWER BACK! That was what really transformed me. Realizing, first, that I was standing under a raincloud. Then realising, slowly, over time, that I didn’t HAVE to be there, under that raincloud, as much as I thought I did. I didn’t have money for therapy for awhile, and so I did Laughter Yoga instead. It was free, it was with a group of people, it helped so much. Probably MORE than therapy! I sang. Eventually I felt able to join a choir. I started gratitude journaling. I took, and still take, walks in the woods. I got a bike. I followed the lead of Norman Cousins and just watched a lot of comedies-even when I didn’t feel like laughing. As I could, I just took back control of my life. But it was AS I COULD. Not all at once. When I start getting into an emotionally unwell, overwhelmed state, because, you know, horrible things still happen, I ask myself now: “Do I need to be under this raincloud?” “What can I do to get out from under this raincloud?” After years of identifying as a victim (which I definitely was), I also had to learn to find an identity as a normal person. If I’m not a victim, then who AM I? That took awhile to get through that.

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

Proud of you!!

[@christiedames4833]

What a powerful beautiful interview.

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

Thank you!

[@gracegrace1896]

I’m isolated and scared. Cannot connect to anyone anymore and what’s worse is others rejecting me because I’m suffering so much. It’s more than I can bare

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

Sweet Grace. I was there. Just breathing was a task most days. There will be days when you start feeling a little better. That will remind you that you're most definitely healing. Keep going!

[@susanmorgan4151]

I have been there too Grace. Please know the way you feel right now WILL change. I'm going on 8 months off-when I look back I can see small positive changes. Very small , but worth it. If you can find even one person to listen and walk through this with you, it goes easier.

[@justkeepswimming6549]

Thank you so much for sharing your story ❤

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

Thank you! ❤

[@kathymottinger7136]

I'm 83 and in the middle of this. No windows and in seven month taper off 40+ years of 1 mg Klonopin and two antidepressants. Not much hope to get past this in my lifetime.

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

​@kathymottinger7136 keep going love. Your day could be right around the corner ❤

[@dragonfly1810]

Thank you for sharing.

[@gracegrace1896]

I’m so happy you made it- both of you. I’m suffering so much and I’m unsure if I will make it through this withdrawal from Klonopin and lexapro. Plus, I’ve had so much family drama and stress. And my son has been abused within psych hospitals. He lost his eye last year and more. I’ve suffered the trauma of 26 years on benzos: 16 on Xanax and 10 on Klonopin. It’s so difficult to feel like ie want to die all the time. No one gets it. I also take care of my 87-year-old mother for past year and family abandoned me and people everywhere rejecting me- even in groups, because they say I won’t participate or I repeat the same traumas over and over. All this rejection really makes me want to be dead. I ask God to please let me die already. This is not living. I’m trying. One woman tells me that I’m a miracle waking because she doesn’t know how I’m even doing what I’m doing. But I’m suffering all the time. I cry a lot and want to die. I have to push myself all the time and sometimes I just can’t. My husband works 14 hour days. Any day he has off, which is usually 1 day a week, I just stay in bed. I’m so tired of fighting. So tired. I’m scared I will not make it through this. Besides withdrawing and tolerance, a lot of trauma and I have to advocate for my son because psychiatry has destroyed him and it’s so difficult. I need help and nonone understands. My oldest daughter is very angry and bitter towards me. I’m doing all I can. I fit in no group because groups always have crazy rules and I’m never good enough. They think I should be able to do what they do. I just got kicked out of a well-known group last week. It broke my heart even more. Kicking me while I’m down.

[@gracegrace1896]

And I’m only down to 2.9mg from 4mg of Klonopin. I went from 4mg to 3mg in 2017. Maybe that was the start of my downfall. Because when I learned about tapering, I feel awful even just shaving small amounts now. I know people can’t stand me I can’t stand myself. I used to be loved by all and receive a lot of compliments. Now I’m hated and rejected. I’m so broken and hurting and everywhere I turn, it’s more rejection. No one believes the awful things that have been done to my son either. It seems we’re both stuck. He’s only 28 and has never had a chance at adult life. After 4 and 1/2 months in the hospital last year they have him completely sedated- he’s sleeping 16 hours a day. I’m barely able To help him anymore. I need help. I keep hitting brick walls and hate from everyone. It hurts. If I had no responsibilities, I would be in bed all the time or just dead by now. I’ve lost all my looks. All my personality. I’m empty inside. And the church. Ugh I don’t know God they say, I don’t pray enough or read the Bible enough. I’m suffering so badly! I just called a warm line. I was crying. The peer support person asked me If I knew this was a warm line. She said it sounded more Like a crisis. I should be calling a crisis line! What???? And be sent to a hospital? Torture chamber??? More drugs and abuse?? I really pray God let’s me die. I’m no good for anyone and I haven’t been able to help myself. No one cares or even tries to understand this suffering plus the trauma I’ve been through with my son and other family members accusing me and taking me to court last year, but they finally stopped. I’m bombarded with people attacking me now. Plus the exhaustion and severe sadness. I could go on and on but people have NO compassion. I’m judged EVERYWHERE by everyone. I’m just trying to stay alive and hope this hell ends. But don’t know if I can last much longer. Father forgive them for they know not what they do. They really don’t know.

[@JM-kq7rn]

I GET IT. ALL OF IT! You are not alone. I ask God why he keeps me here. It’s hell pure hell. You’re not alone. Prayers for you 🙏🙏🙏😢😢

[@gracegrace1896]

@@JM-kq7rn 🥲

[@kjmav10135]

My GOD! What a hard time you’re having. GOD! Trauma upon trauma. I am so sorry to hear of your suffering. Advice from a stranger like me seems cheap. All I will say is, keep going. Kindness is out there for you somewhere. I am sure it is. My highest hopes for the best possible outcome for you.

[@iwonab5150]

You are stronger than you think

[@JM-kq7rn]

Was on clonazepam for 10 years. Anxiety was so intense toward the end…unbeknownst to me ( or any doctor 🤬) I was walking around for YEARS in withdrawal. It was pure hell. Quit cold turkey 3 years ago. Can’t describe the horror. Three years later I’m far from “ normal “. I pray that I get back to myself someday. Can’t work, irrational fear, ptsd, social anxiety, hard to leave the house. 🙏🙏🙏 prayers for all

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

I'm so happy you're making it on the other side finally. The symptoms will fade away slowly but surely. I'm glad you kept going. Congratulations on your hard work!

[@JM-kq7rn]

@@stephaniewilliams6518 very hard.. I know you know. Thank you

[@susanmorgan4151]

❤❤❤

[@shan4145]

Oh yes! The heavy quicksand feeling

[@user-lm7hl8zr8q]

God work Nicole 💜

[@kjmav10135]

What a rough transition for you, Stephanie. I am glad, though, that you are so far along the road to healing.

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

Thank you!

[@SAMEntalhealth]

I was on clonazepam for 3 months, i did a rapid taper. Tapered for 2 months, from 1 mg a night for sleep, down to 0.5 every night, then down to 0.25, then 0.25 every other night and after having stomach cramps and morning anxiety/ brutal depression, suddenly it went away. I feel better than i have in years. It's tough but possible! I know i don't have anything on people on it for years, i salute you guys. Amazing how you guys recovered!❤❤

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

Proud of you too!! And thank you!

[@gracegrace1896]

No one has helped. Many have hurt and rejected me because I’m suffering so much. So mean. I can barely take it. One person said “Why don’t you just educate yourself like everyone else”. I used to read. I can’t even read much anymore. I pray I make it

[@freddumee]

You will !

[@gamingwithking136]

Hang in there ❤

[@JM-kq7rn]

I’m so sorry. I was there and I know it’s torturous 😢. Prayers for strength for you!! 🙏❤️🙏

[@susanfitzgerald417]

Nicole, this is such a beautiful human to human interview. Thankyou for your warmth and kindness that shines through here .

[@MedicatingNormal]

[@kjmav10135]

Luckily for me, I took it once and broke out in a rash, so I’m allergic to Klonopin. I thank my lucky stars for that allergy after watching this!

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

Me too!

[@JM-kq7rn]

God Bless You Stephanie. I hear you loud n clear. 🙏🙏🙏

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

Right back at you sweetheart! Thank you xo

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

Right back at you sweetheart! Thank you xoxo.

[@JM-kq7rn]

@@stephaniewilliams6518 thank you…😊

[@reginastone7223]

God work 🙏🏽

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

Thank you!

[@shan4145]

44? You look younger 🥰 you both came a long way 💖🌷🇨🇦🙋🏻‍♀️

[@shan4145]

This is the hardest thing I’m going through venlafaxine withdrawals weaning myself very slow and staying there for now . However; unfortunately in my past I had went through withdrawals and cold turkey of heroin the smoking way and it’s not fair I have to relive this alike twice in this life what torture for me . On top of painful periods that are torture and suffering and chronic pains every inch of my whole body . Sigh 🇨🇦🙋🏻‍♀️

[@SAMEntalhealth]

Klonopin was making me feel worse even when i was taking the correct dose, still felt depression anxiety etc. Thats when i was like screw this im tapering off. And i DON'T have a prescription so imagine 😢

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

I'm glad you didn't take it any longer!

[@kathymottinger7136]

I'm 83 and about finished with a 7 month taper off 40 + years of 1 mg of Klonopin and two antidepressants. No windows, never stabilized and not much hope of normalcy in my lifetime. Know anyone asnold as me going through this?

[@Janet_Price]

Hi, I was on Klonopin for 33 years ~ 4 mg/day for 15 and 3 mg/day for 18. I am 6 years off all meds and doing pretty well. I didn't have windows either, just a slow positive progression. I'm 75% or more healed, but have insomnia, body aches and neuropathy. I'm a 71 year old female. Hang in there, this is the best thing we have done for ourselves. Jan

[@CF-Warrior]

@@Janet_Price Hi Jan, how did you deal with the constant mental anguish?

[@kathymottinger7136]

@@Janet_Price Thank you Janet. I'm glad you are doing well. I can't imagine taking 4mg of that poison. I had 5 years of tolerance withdrawal that my doctors didn't know anything about even though I told them all my issues. They either don't know or don't care probably both. It's hard being old with no doctor and not wanting one.

[@Janet_Price]

@@CF-Warrior - Hi! Wow, is that a hard one. I'm a type A personality and have a hard time dealing with anxiety these days. I have learned to demand less of myself than before. I feel my emotions far more intensely than before. Some days it's torture, mostly it's not. I have a few friends who believe me and that drugs can be harmful. I began taking walks after the first week of my last dose of Klonopin. I could only walk 5 minutes twice each day, but I built upon that. I had to wear noise cancelling headphones, a baseball cap an sun glasses because my sensitivities were so severe. Being outside gave me blue skies, sunshine and wind on my skin. I smiled at everyone, and that helped. I became motivated in the smallest step. I communicated with everyone on KZbin ~ I received so much support. I get sick and tired of insomnia, neuropathy and body aches!!! I can power walk with the best of the world and have been running for the past three years. My family is not supportive, but who cares anymore?? I can't imagine being back on those drugs and being in a state of complacency. My feelings are intense, but I FEEL........ Hang in there, be kind to yourself and come to KZbin for encouragement ~ Jan

[@kathymottinger7136]

@@Janet_Price yes insomnia and neuropathy are very bad. It's so hard to do everyday stuff. Thanks for responding. Hope you get to 100%.

[@xy-qy2yg]

I am amazed how everyone was able to take it this long. I took it for 5 days and I am destroyed.

[@johnsadler3601]

There’s no way. All in your head after just five days.

[@kjmav10135]

@@johnsadler3601Maybe you shouldn’t be judging and discounting someone else’s experience. Your comment can really do damage to someone struggling with mental health issues. You may be creating more pain and turmoil in this person’s life. Be compassionate, please.

[@jacquelinegutierrez7105]

No it’s definitely possible . I have friends and my self who was on an antidepressant for 2 weeks and one day . They suffered for months . Including myself

[@MedicatingNormal]

@@johnsadler3601 The FDA acknowledges in the black box that it can happen in as short as a week.

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

@@johnsadler3601 in your brains, body and nerves!!

[@srrr7545]

Can multiple cold turkeys and kindling heal after 4-5 years , is there any hope?

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

I don't know of anyone who has not healed from this. Keep going!

[@gracegrace1896]

Has anyone had trouble with a change in manufacturers with Clonazepam? They switch from accord to Teva on me. I weighed the difference and am only on a second 5% reduction. But, after this first week with Teva, my stomach hurts and I feel dizzy.

[@MedicatingNormal]

Yes, it can happen. See: withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/help-hub/understanding-and-moderating-risks-variable-drug-levels-different-versions-same-0

[@JM-kq7rn]

Yes! I got a different color when script was filled. It was definitely different Rx said it was a different manufacturer 😡. I had to make sure I specified each time “ the yellow ones”. Dear God my friend…my heart and prayers go out to you. It is unimaginable suffering and nobody can begin to fathom it unless they go through it. Please hang in there. 🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏

[@gracegrace1896]

@@JM-kq7rn I told the pharmacy that I needed the blue pills (accord) because that’s what I’m used to. They told me that they can no longer get accord. For Clonazepam, it has all been switched to Teva - a light green pill. So, the pharmacist of course assures me same ingredients. I’m doing best I can.

[@gracegrace1896]

@@MedicatingNormal they give me no choice and I’m completely at their mercy. And inner compass kicked me out of their group because I’m suffering and they accused me of not “interacting” or responding to people’s suggestions, which I was doing. I was just talking about the suffering. I guess they are so far beyond that suffering that they have zero compassion on those of us who are still suffering!!! Sometimes the survival community is just as harmful as psychiatry!

[@craftygirl17]

Hi Nicole, May I ask are you able to go out now,I remember you said you had agoraphobia , I hope you are able to. I’m still taking .25 mg of clonazapam I’m just to scared to go off, I have been on Clonazapam now for 11 years.

[@MedicatingNormal]

More than before, yes - although I still struggle sometimes too. It depends on where and with whom.

[@shahnazali4000]

@@MedicatingNormal Hi Nicole, you have done a great job im helping people get off the nasty drugs. Do you or rather can you help with the tspering of Clozapine( anti- psychotic drug)

[@gracegrace1896]

Does anyone feel they are missing out on life. I’m missing out on the life I would have had had I not started with Xanax 26 years ago- then that caused problems and they tested over 25 different psych drugs on me- switched to Klonopin- before I figured this out. I’ve missed out and am missing out on living life.

[@glynhayes5930]

Yes grace I feel the same. Hopefully it’ll change.

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

I missed 8 years or more. I'm living my life once again and so will you. Xo

[@kjmav10135]

I was on psychotropics for about 15 years. You name it, I was on it. I got my life back when I went off them in 2011. In my experience, it gets better. From grainy, blurry black and white to eventually better and better and then Technicolor.

[@glynhayes5930]

@@kjmav10135hi… what’s was your timeline for improvement? I’m 4.5 years.. got way better just short of 4.. had a setback and I’m gradually healing again. Although I’m grateful for the improvements I’ve been able to make.. the glacial healing and long duration of the it all can still be grating and bothersome.

[@aashish551]

What about one side nerve damage brain damage. One side sholder neck hand leg all damaged cant use. Also tightness/dystonia. 2 years off cold turkey 😢

[@gracegrace1896]

I need help. I’m not making it

[@MedicatingNormal]

Hi, are you a member of any of the online withdrawal support communities?

[@gracegrace1896]

@@MedicatingNormal what do you suggest? I am on Benzo Buddies but haven’t participated lately. I deactivated Facebook years ago, but if there’s a good group on there maybe I can go back. I just want to feel good again. Normal life.

[@gracegrace1896]

Does anyone feel they are missing out on life. I’m missing out on the life I would have had had I not started with Xanax 26 years ago- then that caused problems and they tested over 25 different psych drugs on me- switched to Klonopin- before I figured this out. I’ve missed out and am missing out on living life.

[@MedicatingNormal]

@@gracegrace1896 try Benzo Warrior

[@gracegrace1896]

@@MedicatingNormal benzo buddies- difficult to navigate. Difficult to make friends at all. Surviving antidepressants. Forums are difficult for me. I left FB long ago. I used to be in groups there. Do you suggest any in particular? I really seem to need in person help im so isolated

[@vedatzorro]

Nicole question always "Doctors give you information about this drugs?" Answer always: "no no not at all" This so sad, i can't believe how they can do this

[@MedicatingNormal]

It's almost always the same answer. Sigh. No informed consent.

[@vedatzorro]

@@MedicatingNormal Nicole do you have any information about Sam-e supplement for depression and anxiety, maybe you talked who experience on Sam-e. I already have been taking vitamin B complex, Magnesium and omega 3.

[@MedicatingNormal]

@@vedatzorro I dont, but here's something from Surviving Antidepressants you may find useful: www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/572-sam-e-s-adenosyl-l-methionine/

[@vedatzorro]

@Medicating Normal Thanks Nicole for your help. You are so kind. I see generally people have withdrawal problems about Sam-e. Best way to wait my withdrawal symptoms stop.

[@xy-qy2yg]

I even specifically asked myself I didn't want anything addictive/habit forming and they still gave me this crap.

[@iwonab5150]

Why the hell those doctors and scientist do that to People ?

[@shan4145]

Wow great question Nichole. “How did you suffer for so long ?”

[@SAMEntalhealth]

Getting off benzos is just like opiates. Taper wise. I HATE how doctors act like they don't know how to get someone off -_-

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

Doctors are trained to give medication in school however I don't believe they are trained on how to get you off of it. ie: taper you off

[@iwonab5150]

That shows what „specialist” we pay for

[@djdanzy]

Just be careful of antibiotics. severe acute withdrawal even 12 years off benzos can come back after antibiotics and othrr meds.

[@Tempo50]

Eight years is not encouraging. Why do they put this stuff out there?

[@MedicatingNormal]

Because there are people who are 5,6,7 years off who benefit from hearing this. Protracted people exist too, and deserve space to tell their stories. No one on this channel will be asked to censor themselves for the comfort of others. If you are sensitive, it's your job to regulate your internet use accordingly.

[@glynhayes5930]

The fact I’m suffering still at 4.5 years any success at any time is encouraging. Jesus if it takes 5 more years but I eventually recover and recover well I’ll take it.

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

Imagine living through it. I did, and deserve to share my success.

[@Justinjoise]

​@@stephaniewilliams6518 how many months!? Or years

[@stephaniewilliams6518]

@@Justinjoise 8 years to feel almost normal. How are you?