A DNA Test Destroyed My Family

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#findingyourroots #nytn #ancestry #familyhistory #genealogy
When you dig into family history, secrets and heartache come with the territory. The real question? How do we handle them - do we reveal what was hidden, or let some stories rest?
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Come join me on a new docu-series that explores identity, racial tensions in the South during the 20th century, and the unique experiences of those who historically called Louisiana home.
My name is Danielle Romero, and all my life, I have romanticized Louisiana.
Growing up in New York, it represented a place where I could step back the sepia-toned life of my great grandmother, Lola Perot, who died before I was born.
Now, it was time to go back to Louisiana--although I had no idea what the truth would be or what questions to ask---who was Lola really? Who were we?
*Amazon links are affiliate links. If buy something through these links, we may earn affiliate commission. Thank you for supporting this project!

[@nytn]

How have you handled your family secrets coming out? 👕 NYTN Merch: www.nytonashville.com ☕Send me a coffee!: ko-fi.com/nytn13#linkModal 📱 Connect on Patreon: www.patreon.com/NYTN

[@travel734]

Thank you for sharing and also for the lesson on how to deal with the pain and see the good that came from the events. My great-great-uncle sold my grandmother into servitude at the age of 8. She was transported (according to UK Department of Agriculture) to Canada from Scotland. There she was not adopted by a loving family. She was used and abused as a servant girl. Eventually she ran away and later met my grandfather when she was selling ice cream. This "useless waif" had 4 children, and 11 grandchildren including 2 doctors, 2 accountants, a lawyer and an engineer. We would love to know something more of our Scottish cousins.

[@miastupid7911]

Joseph is my favorite in the Bible too. ❤ ➕ And you should keep your grandpa's family tree. It is those ancestors that made him who he was. Think of another Saint Joseph from the Bible that sheltered the Theotokos and Christ as an infant. Your mom or you would not be exactly who you are without that grandpa. That was the good: the love that you had for him and he for you. Keep it in his memory for the honor of all the memories both you and your mom have with him.

[@sportsfisher9677]

I'm not aware of any like this related to me, but gosh I think in every family there are also some things that once you find out, you entertain the idea of wishing you never knew. Please don't blame yourself. While biologically you are not related to that man, whereas emotionally and culturally (family cultural example the red robin) you are that man's granddaughter. I guarantee he loved you.

[@PatriciaValentini-r9w]

Maybe your Grandfather knew. He could have had fertility issues. So they had a way of having a family. He was your “Real Grandpop” in all that matter My heart just breaks hearing this Praying.hugs.

[@TheatricsOfTheAbsurd]

I fought my dad when I found out about my other sister.

[@Tsalagi]

After my Gramma passed away my mom searched for her lost brother 😢 he was special needs and was given up for adoption although he never was adopted 😢 my Mom found him right where he was born in san jose living in an assisted living but nobody was caring for him, infact he was being bullied by people he thought were his friends. So my mom brought him home and he lived the rest of his life with her❤ my uncle Tom passed away in August 😢we Miss him dearly 😢❤

[@brandyjean7015]

Your Mom is a lovely person.

[@bernadineward5265]

So kind of your mom.

[@barbarakosloski9260]

Much respect for your mother. My half sister's mother abandoned her CP daughter with her husband and filed for divorce when she met my father. She NEVER contacted her daughter or her ex to ask how she was doing. I have NO RESPECT for her. I "found" my father in 1996 and my half sister did not know she has "2" half sisters!! Imagine being in your 30s and learning the truth about your parent's past, and bio family members KNEW but said nothing. AND her older brother is a half siblings using our last name. He KNEW and said nothing to his half sister. He too NEVER contacted his sister with CP. I have NO RESPECT for him either.

[@lbopp8661]

God BLESS your mom. ❤ she is a hero. How brave and wonderful. To change her life to save her, special needs brother. Bravo to her ❤

[@career5690]

My condolences goes to you and your mother.😢

[@joeshoffner4893]

I have a daughter that became mine when she was 2 months old ,once she was old enough her mom told her I wasn't her real dad ,she searched and found him ,realizing he was a bank robber and drug user in and out of prison, she's 24 now and still recognizes me as her dad ❤

[@MaireBeirne-zl6iu]

You were there for her, all those years. Of course you are her dad.

[@lm9712]

I'm glad she recognized the man that didn't have to be her father but took time to be her dad.

[@StalkedByLosers]

Ok but it isn't fair to lie to them. It was good to explain to her when she was old enough to understand. And even if the dad is horrible, he has a right to know too. He also has extended family that has a right to know. Paternity fraud hurts more than just one person. It's a crime against humanity.

[@joeshoffner4893]

@@StalkedByLosers she was told that's why she searched for him

[@jtixtlan]

@joeshoffner4893 You are her REAL Dad!!!! He is only her biological father, so your role is far more significant. Though he was a person she may not be proud of, he likely did pass along some wonderful inherited traits.

[@MsAngelIsFree]

I understand the guilt 😥. I took a DNA test and was contacted by a first cousin no one in the family knew about. She was searching for her biological father after her mother told her 2 other men were her father but no DNA match. In good faith, I introduced her to other family members and helped her figure out which one of my uncles was her father. That uncle had passed a few years prior and so had her mother. 2 of her half siblings refuse to even meet her. I believe bc they feel her existence tarnishes their father's great reputation. Her relationship with the other half sibling is rocky at best. We are of Louisiana Creole descent, her mother was white and she was raised as white in a rural Texas. Because of my new cousin's name and they way it is spelled, I'm convinced her mother knew who the father was all along. It's complicated! I was only trying to help but I went through a period of feeling guilty. A couple of family members "jokingly" remind me that I was the one who introduced her to the family whenever she does something they don't like. But I'm not giving up family history as my hobby 🙂

[@nytn]

Dont quit! We need people like you keeping tabs on the facts.

[@cynthiamartin2197]

I think I'd 'jokingly" remind them that "no, uncle XXX introduced her to the family" ;)

[@michelleg7]

Don't feel guilty, you have no control over how other people feel but I think you helping your cousin to discover who her father is, is a wonderful thing you did. She isn't responsible for what her father did and neither of the siblings but he made choices which were not fair and it affected many people. She is here and nothing else can be done about it. I hope she came out to be a good person and hope that her questions were solved.

[@asturiasceltic3183]

My great-grandfather that you see in my thumbnaill had several wives and dozens of children all over the world. All of us grandchildren and his great-grandchildren are all friends now. Apparently all the wives kind of knew about each other and got along

[@guytwombly2955]

@@cynthiamartin2197Good retort Damn I wish she had said that touché😎

[@nadia-i1l5h]

My grandfather was the best second dad a girl could ever wish for. I l never knew he was not my biological family until he died. He asked my grandmother to never tell us because he loved us too much to have our opinion about him change. It could never because he was perfect but I’m sad he was so scared we would find out 🎩. What a gentleman. I love you pa 🌹

[@davidmolina7543]

😢

[@francinelatorraca8885]

I had not one surprise, thank God. I do not forgive! I would have gone off. Tell the truth!!!!

[@kimhamby7896]

Family is based on love, in my opinion. Kin is the people who we are genetically related to. I have many family members that I have loving relationships with and my brother and his family are my kind. Genetically we are related through our mother & father, I would divorce him and his sons if I could. My mother was 100% honest when she lamented that she should have aborted him, because he was an embarrassment and a total f-up in our parents view.

[@sharonloomis5264]

Unless you have walked in their shoes, you cannot say that. Soften your heart.

[@pamelarickbeil1183]

@@kimhamby7896

[@bamboosho0t]

This is a tough topic. My father is from a part of America where everyone's secrets are out in the open. His 6 siblings had 3 different fathers, but they all grew up together. Cousins came in all colors. But they never called each other "half" siblings or cousins. Everyone knew, and nobody cared, _"That's my 'daddy,' but he's not my real daddy."_ My mother is from a part of America where people held their secrets to the grave. Only now is DNA beginning to unravel some of those secrets. It's a reminder that people are people, no matter the generation. They had feelings, they felt hurt, they fell in love and out of love, or in lust and out of lust. And things happened. American History tends to wax poetic about the civility of past generations, juxtaposed with the wild nature of generations today. But they were just as "out of control" as we are today, except they didn't have smartphones or social media! They're still your family. 😊 It's a hard topic to cover for sure. But it's a road worth traversing.

[@carolwoodward6141]

What a sensitive, thoughtful observation.

[@sarahharvey7571]

This. I grew up in southern West Virginia. I know so much wild stuff that went on in my parents, grandparent’s and great grandparents lives. Because of what I do in fact know, I can’t even begin to imagine what I don’t know. 😅🙏🏻❤️‍🔥

[@scaringclaring5240]

Most of what you say I agree with but not this "But they were just as "out of control" as we are today, except they didn't have smartphones or social media!" Things ARE more out of control and degenerate even from a dozen years ago. So it's not all nostalgia and loss of memory if we can point to a more innocent time within reach. And we can't always fall to the lame excuse of smartphones and SM as the cause without also including users. It's people and parents who use and allow use of those tools and their choices tell you something about about them.

[@Omaroy33]

You’re so right. The only differences between then and now is technology and level of shame. But people have been getting buck wild since the beginning of time 😂

[@nytn]

Thank you for this :)

[@Whisperhollow]

My great grandmother was tied up and raped in her home when her husband went out to work in the fields. She gave birth to my great uncle, and they raised him as a gift from God, just like the rest of their children. The never caught the man that did that to her. It wasn't ever mentioned to any of us, until we began questioning just how two blue eyed people could have a brown eyed baby. We were then taken aside and threatened, and told what happened and that we do not ever mention it. My uncle is a good man, and he has a son, who became a police investigator for special victims unit. The world is a better place with them in it. With the grace of God, my ancestors made a silk purse out of a sows ear. And we never mention it out of respect of what they went through.

[@Eli08ish]

That happened to a lot of women, unfortunately. :(

[@Ponto-zv9vf]

Well, it sounds a typical response. I am an open person, I don't like secrets or clues left untouched. I cut people out of my life if they are secretive, unresponsive to questions because it just goes against everything I believe. By-the-way two blue eyed people can have a brown eyed child, it's uncommon, and usually the eye color is green or hazel. Look at the children of Prince William and his wife.

[@AffectionateFlowerGarden-mg1fb]

I once wanted to apply to military services, but my cousin stop me from doing so, because ladies in military get raped all the times!!? It's awful.

[@matttriano]

You just mentioned it to potentially thousands of strangers on the internet? So maybe it's time to start talking about it in real life...

[@CaliCloud9]

@@matttriano I agree wholeheartedly!

[@lynnwilliams8295]

I knew someone many years ago that found out about a half sibling put up for adoption the family was never told about during her parents marriage. She assumed that her mom had an affair and was angry, only to find out the baby was born out of an assault by a stranger. It goes to show even when we find out things like this don’t jump to conclusions. We never know what others are going through.

[@nytn]

this is part of the reason I cant get into all the details, I think it's a complicated one

[@lynnwilliams8295]

@@nytn oh no! I’m very sorry. The person I knew this happened to said their Mom didn’t know if it was her husbands or her attackers baby until it was born and she wanted to keep the baby even though the circumstances surrounding the conception were horrible. Her husband demanded she give the baby up when it was born. Very tragic situation for all involved. This was back in the early 60s.

[@nytn]

That is so tragic. So much hidden heart ache. I do wonder the balance of finding the truth and letting sleeping dogs lie.

[@KentPetersonmoney]

I would never want to meet my grandfather if I existed because of a rape he committed. I would probably hurt him if I did. At this point in my life he would be too old to have a chance against me in a fight which would be krama since that how his victim felt. Luckily none of my recent family members were rapist. My 3rd great grandfather might have been but there's no proof.

[@HappyForestBridge-zj4yh]

The past must have had a lot of assaults

[@teescoffee5689]

Please give your ancestors grace. Things were a lot different for women back then. Being the firstborn grandchild, my grandmother was giving me her old photos and she told me stories behind a lot of them. I had a whole new perspective on a lot! So many things that are shocking to us, were more common (though not spoken about) back then. The things she told me explained a lot, like why did one of my relatives look different than their siblings. While I was shocked at first, I’ve learned to give them grace.

[@nytn]

I agree, grace is the best way forward

[@batya7]

Beautiful sentiment. Give them grace.

[@GMAMEC]

I agree, we just don’t know the circumstances. I’m fairly certain that we all have something that we would like to change or avoid. Sometimes it is too painful or difficult to convey. It’s nothing that we can do to change. In some instances, some try to convince themselves that it never happened, or they live with the situation. That was the mindset with the Silent Generation and some of the Baby Boomer generation.

[@angelaangela6875]

The women are still hiding fathers in modern times now and things aren't as bad as your comment suggests..... I've been watching paternity court you tubes.... let's not forget how withholding knowledge from the father's is very destructive.....

[@karenholmes6565]

There have been so many studies that show differing percentages of misattributed paternity. I think that the problem is becoming less common in Western societies because the shame about out of wedlock pregnancies, the acceptability of divorce, make these cases less likely to happen. When we stop shaming people we make it easier for them to be honest.

[@timeforchange3786]

I like the Be A Good Ancestor. It reminds us not only are we responsible for our actions during this lifetime but our record goes on for generations.

[@nytn]

me too! thank you so much

[@s.p.3738]

Yes! Me too!

[@nghtwtchmn129]

I believe that it was Smithsonian Magazine that once reported that genealogical research is bunk. For one thing, statistically for one out of every ten generations the father isn't who you think. Secondly, if you trace both sides of your family back five to six generations you are likely to find common ancestors on both sides.

[@nytn]

@@nghtwtchmn129 that's interesting! the first part is definitely possible, but I dont think it makes the research bunk since a lot of the work is a paper trail and first prove the trail, then prove the DNA.The second part seems likely if your family is mostly from one area. If I go back 5 generations on both sides, I end up with Africa, Ireland, Italy, Mexico, South America haha

[@debrapaulino918]

My parents might've been distant cousins. My mom's dad and my dad's mother's family originated from Ulster, Ireland. Both families unknowingly immigrated to the same city, my hometown. Not only that they lived across the street from each other but different years. They met after the War.​@@nytn

[@KevinBrady-fy3cx]

So grandpa knew? If he did know, he was a tremendously courageous man for his time, and what a beautiful example he set. I would set aside the sadness and let the joy of this man's nobility being a part of you soak in.

[@kajh151]

While doing my research, I now understand why my old aunts will not give me information about, especially, one side of the family. I've found so much info that had me shook, lol. Because some of my older family act as if they are paragons of virtue, but the govt records say otherwise. You had me sitting up and paying attention so early today. Love your videos. Keep strong 💪

[@kareem.10]

Paragons of virtue vs government records.....This is one of the most poignant statements I've read it a while. It's the same in my family and many families I'm familiar with.

[@virginiamorales1591]

Those government records are everything. I never have been able to find so much information about my ancestry if it wasn’t for those records. It’s insane 😮

[@kareem.10]

@@virginiamorales1591 You're right. I have a 1st cousin who found out her dad wasn't her bio dad through a loud mouthed aunt when she was only 10. She's now 50 and her mother still hasn't admitted who her bio dad is even though she did the research and found out.

[@mandyharewood886]

Yeah, paragons of virtue is what the older folk always pretend to be. However, I always knew that was a joke. They never fooled me!

[@erikagarcia17]

Uncovering family secrets is paving the way for healing inter-generational trauma!

[@nytn]

This is my whole heart toward it! Yes

[@kimberleybrown-j7y]

Intergenerational trauma means that one generation passes their own trauma down to the next generation. Honesty about the original source of the trauma does not necessarily stop the traumatizing behaviour. That requires very skilled support - therapy is good - combined with self-awareness, effort, strategies to employ time and time again until a person becomes different, with different responses to triggers, and to do all that before passing on their pain to the next generation. Paving the way? Yes, it is just one small supportive step,

[@DivergentMoon]

Unless it doesn't.

[@indoorsyren3955]

When my dad was in his 40s, long after his parents were dead, his aunt came to him and told him that his dad wasn't really his dad. His birth father was still living, and Dad met him once. The old man was in his 90s and very feeble, but he got tears in his eyes when someone asked if he knew who my dad was. According to my aunt, there had been rumors around town and my Grandpa (the one who raised my dad) knew, but as he put it, "the boy got caught in my net and he's mine now." He and my grandmother never had any children of their own; my dad was born 14 years into their marriage. I don't know his feelings on the matter, but by all accounts he gave my dad a lot of love. Nobody knows the circumstances, but our closure is that Grandpa gave us a family legacy of love, even if he didn't give us his genes. I know the way he loved my dad taught my dad how to love his own children, and my dad is the best dad ever. I also don't share genes with my dad, but we always knew that. :)

[@be-kc9cf]

I have the same story of my dad. The whole community knew except him. And because there were rumors, I decided to do a DNA test.. that’s when it was confirmed. My dad was in his 70s, when he found out. “Wow. I had nothing to do with it. I wasn’t there, so my father was 5 miles from me? And all those kids he had are my younger siblings, all these years I thought only had one sister and I lost her long ago..My story is nobody wanted me even my mom left me so my grandparents raised me. Now there’s proof, even without anything you can still live and make your own family. As far as I know I had a father who my mom was married to but he never cared for me and left my mom and she remarried years later. My step-dad was what you call a dad, he loved me…carried me on his shoulders everywhere ans wanted me but my mom didn’t want me so I raised by my grandparents”

[@Svensk7119]

I don't understand. Your comment keeps shifting in viewpoint.... Ah, well.

[@choklitsoul4700]

When my Dad passed, it began a process of discovering that he was not my oldest brother and sister's biological father. When it was confirmed, I just wanted to know why this was such a big secret. To this day there are family members that won't speak on this subject. As I processed this my respect and pride for my Dad only grew, because growing up he treated all 10 of us the same, no one could tell that two weren't his biologically. Both of the older siblings have passed , but my brother always told his children that Grandpa wasn't his "real father" and we would tell them he was lying (so sorry for that now. People on my mother's side of the family knew the story, but will only give us a first name of the bio Dad. Finally, one of my nephews (sisters son) wants to take the DNA test.

[@nytn]

I completely understand this. My grandpa always treated us the same. I'll forever respect him for that

[@terezahoward4008]

❤​@@nytn

[@terezahoward4008]

My cousin did one on all the elders I don't like DNA tests for these reasons. My Grandma's parents were not her parents. It shook me for a while because of how the information was given. I am happy with those that raised us and loved us.i am not interested in those missing, those that made a choice. I don't care about their 7:23 reasons.love your family that is there blood or not, that's what I believe.

[@tonyduckett5315]

​@@terezahoward4008taking a DNA test is still better finding out someone married their sibling.

[@WaotJay]

I have cousins and family friends like that - first born not my aunt or uncle's child, but treated the same as the others. So proud for how my aunts and uncles raised and loved them as their own. We were told only when we were older.

[@barrypayton2832]

Be well. The truth is the truth. We live with too many falsehoods and lies. Family secrets are hard, uncomfortable history. We all got them waiting to show itself. It absolutely doesn't change who you are to the rest of the world. Respect from the Bayou.

[@clwest3538]

First off, I enjoyed your video. My mom told me when I started my FT journey - Every family will have a preacher, politician, liar or horse thief ... we are all saints and sinners so don't be surprised nor judgemental of the people who came before - you do not know their story, just the bits-and-pieces you can find in documentation available. This has helped me, hope it helps others. Personally, I found (in Sweden) where a young girl (in my line) was sent up to work in the 'big house' ... her child was christened at the church while the note said the 'boy's father' forced him to accept the child, name it and agree to support it - although the two did not have to get married. Interesting - and close to home! I was a teenage mom also. I have found several marriages that were 7-8 months before the birth of their first child! The more time goes on, the more I find we are alike! We cannot put our personal romantic notions into situations we are not familiar with. Times were so different, especially for the women. I enjoyed a movie "The Magic of Ordinary Days" (2004) ... I find this is one way we may not be genetically related - we could have been grafted into a family before we even got here! The Nature vs Nurture argument has been around for a long time. What makes us who we are - some genetic but a lot of who raised you. For Christians, we must also remember, Jesus tells us we are grafted into his family - ie adopted.

[@rettawhinnery]

I am a Search Angel and was previously in the group you mentioned. We did have one case where the person who tested as an NPE did not know who his mother was because he was egg-donor-conceived, so his mother gave birth to him, but she was not his biological mother. We typically help people who were adopted and do not know either parent, or people who were donor-conceived (either sperm donors or egg donors), or people who have taken a DNA test and had a surprise to learn they are not related to half of their known family. This is called NPE (not parent expected) or MPE (misattributed parental event). It is very traumatic for most people who take the test for fun or just for ethnicity and do not realize the power of DNA matches. I enjoy your videos. Keep them coming.

[@nytn]

Thank you for the work you are doing! And explaining the possibility of a maternal question.

[@mariedavis8924]

How do I find a search Angel? I did a DNA test on my uncle & it showed a NPE. I also never knew who my grandfathers parents were. I have been searching for over 30 years & have had no luck.

[@renebrown995]

What is the abbreviations for a grandparent that no one can tell you where they came from? They are deceased, and anyone that could have known where they came from and who their parent is long gone too . This is a very lop- sided tree. You have a grandparent with no branches. 😢

[@rettawhinnery]

@@renebrown995 What you describe is called a brick wall, where no one has been able to break through it to find the answers. Best wishes.

[@SpeakTruthBeKind]

Several family members took DNA test and I and an older male first cousin have figured out that my Grandfather had an NPE. My Mum remembers her mother and him wondering if the supposed father was his biological (he was born several months before his parents married) as his “Father” was mean to him growing up compared to the children that were born following him. Wish I could have shown him that the truth came out and through the DNA search we have figured out his grandparents, but not his father. Not sure how to continue with this gap in the tree but that’s ok. Also through DNA we found a cousin that my mom’s older sister had a child out of wedlock and gave her up for adoption. We have all openly welcomed her, but she no longer keeps in touch.

[@wisper2me]

This 100% happened to me. I now have a new uncle and cousin and an amazingly interesting family history from that branch that has been fun to explore. I was lucky in finding a historian who helped me unravel the mystery and was able to provide me with photographs and information to find my mothers half brother and both he and his daughter took dna tests and confirmed the connection.

[@nytn]

I love how this turned out for you

[@markslay1]

Youre a kind, articulate and empathetic person, daughter and grand daughter. It has been enjoyable to listen in. You go girl!

[@findingbrandy]

Same exactly message I have been getting regarding my own ancestry. I was born to 2 teenage parents, did not know who my biological father was until 4 years ago when I was 40 😒 over the past few years I have asked God numerous times "why was my life footprint this way?" And I just keep getting the message "What was meant for bad God can turn it to good" my mother was 17 and never wanted children. My mother has always said I am the best thing that ever happened to her.

[@Omaroy33]

I like your new, more relaxed format where you’re sitting on the sofa. Makes it seem less formal and more like 2 friends just sitting around talking about family history. Anyway, I can definitely relate to your situation. I’ve been anointed the family historian, which I am honored to be seen in that way by my family. My niece, who is around your age, was inspired by my research into our families history through DNA analysis and decided to take a DNA test for herself. She contacted me after she got the results and told me there was something odd about it. She said it listed us as 1st cousins instead of uncle and niece. I immediately knew what that meant, but told her that 1st cousin and uncle/aunt share the same amount of DNA, so sometimes the system will spit out 1st cousin when it should say uncle or aunt. I lied to hide the truth that her dad and I were not full brothers but 1/2 brothers. This was also a new revelation to me as well. It means my mom had a child by another man. I’ve known about this for 3 years now, and have never told anyone. Even my niece doesn’t know. And my mom doesn’t know I know. I just can’t bring myself to tell anyone. So you are right, this DNA stuff is not for the faint of heart.

[@nytn]

Thank you! I love sitting on the couch, cant lie haha. I love you how you said that, "anointed" as the family historian. Ive been thinking about doing a video on that very topic.

[@cjanderson768]

I have been doing ancestry for over 30 years and I have found awesome stories and I have found gut wrenching stories. But what I have found in doing all of the family stories. It’s so important that we do not judge our ancestors because we don’t know what was going on at the time so it’s not fair to judge them by today’s standards. Because, like you said, if that path had not been taken, we would not be here now. Like Joseph’s story

[@greywolf7577]

When it is discovered that men cheated in past generations, people generally aren't as forgiving. They are less likely to tell people not to judge the ancestors. Why are people so much more forgiving of female cheaters than male cheaters that they find out about from DNA tests?

[@RbNetEngr]

Danielle, this was a deep, heartfelt video. You did a great job of sharing your experience of potential negative impacts of DNA testing. And I have seen others sharing their experiences in the comments, too. You have given others the strength to open up and share the difficult stories they have experienced, too. Your mom's response is precious, and lets us know what a special person she is. And the words you shared in telling this story really show that you are a precious person, too. Keep being genuine and caring, and telling your stories from that place in your heart.

[@SweetE1403]

Hi Danielle, I really felt your pain on this video. I agree family secrets like this hurt deeply, but there is a reason why the Lord gave you the truth. It’s because He has prepared your heart for the truth and He has equipped you to handle it, in a way that will bring healing to your bloodline. I know it still hurts but I will also tell you this, your grandfather may have known that your mother wasn’t his biological child. People in the past handled these things very differently than we do today. Men had much more honor when they loved a woman. Also have compassion for grandmother (I am only speaking from personal experience on this) she never meant to hurt anyone she was young and loved you all very much. I pray that you feel comfort and peace today ❤

[@StarDreamMemories]

......and there are still honorable men..... And that's all I'm going to say😉 A strong tight family is best in my opinion.

[@SweetE1403]

@@StarDreamMemoriesI agree there are still honorable men today!! 😊

[@greywolf7577]

@@SweetE1403 When DNA tests reveal that it is the man who cheated on his wife, people are far less likely to say that we should forgive him. Why is it that people are more likely to forgive women cheaters that they find from DNA tests than male cheaters?

[@Jane-yr2cg]

I am white and I found out that I have cousins that are black through Ancestry DNA. I wasn’t upset or mad or ashamed, it didn’t matter to me. It was my great grandfather who I adored, and I foolishly treated it like a hallmark movie. I didn’t want to believe the reality of what my great grandfather had done. I spent my whole life around people I knew but didn’t know I was related to them. My cousin reached out to me and has been so gracious and kind and shared the historical ancestry that she has. I just wish that my initial reaction had been different. She is a beautiful woman and I am grateful for her grace and kindness. She is truly a blessing.

[@andyleeisme]

You’re such an engaging story teller. Thank you for being vulnerable with us!

[@nytn]

Thank you so much! That was so nice of you

[@TexRenner]

That is some heavy thoughts you're thinking. To consider your responsibility to everyone else? Fascinating and exactly why I have been following this journey of yours.

[@deborahdiscenza4702]

HUG!!! Feel what you feel. Have that feeling over for coffee, but don't let it stay for dinner. Repeat until you find a place for that feeling whether it is in a trunk in the attic or a shelf in a room. You are a brave woman, you come from brave ancestors, always remember that. I have a chant that I use when I am feeling less than. "I am Deborah, daughter of Joan, daughter of Arla, daughter of Dada, daughters of Catherine, daughter of Esther, daughter of Modalena. Strong women all."

[@MA-yh2ko]

That is an absolutely beautiful perspective and really can offer comfort and strength. ❤

[@HeirOfNothingInParticular]

💙💙💙

[@marathongirl27]

I am the NPE! I did not learn who my bio father was until I was 35 years old because my mother never mentioned him (she was embarrassed because she had me as a young teenager). He passed away 6 years after I found him, but I’m grateful to have known him at all. Now it get “hints” from Ancestry DNA with cousins on my dad’s side. Many I already met when he was alive, so the DNA serves as confirmation.

[@denisjames8955]

My father and I had a very tumultuous relationship and I was sitting beside him when he drew his last breath, and the last thing I ever said to him was why didn’t you ever seem to love me. I later told my mom’s younger sister that I had my dna tested because I had always been told that we had native blood in our family and while I desperately wanted that to be true when you look like Santa Claus it’s a little hard to believe. Anyway she immediately said “oh did you find out who your real father was “? I was shocked and said what are you talking about? Sadly my father went to his grave never knowing I was really his son. BTW I did find out that I do have Cherokee blood after all and that my mom actually lived on the reservation in Oklahoma as a child, but she never talked about it until she was in her mid 80’s.

[@kmsleyang1980]

I don’t mean to pry but I’m a little confused. So you’re saying your dad never seemed to love you and likely because he thought he wasn’t your biological father but you came to find out that he actually was?

[@LilyGazou]

@@kmsleyang1980 I read all the comments and the stories are often confusing.

[@denisjames8955]

@@kmsleyang1980 yes that is correct, you see I never knew that there was any controversy about it until I was in my late fifties. Back in the 50’s and 60’s things like that were pretty hush hush. I only knew that there was a major difference in the way my father treated my sister than the way I was treated. The only way I had it confirmed was that through DNA someone in my blood line reached out to me that was from my father’s side of the family. Oddly enough my mom had told my sister about the situation but nobody had ever said anything to me until my Aunt mentioned it. Thank you for asking.

[@kmsleyang1980]

@@denisjames8955 oh wow. That’s what I thought you meant, but I wanted to clarify. That is so sad. Gosh, I’m so sorry you went through that.

[@papi_k]

This is exactly how I felt. I felt so guilty for uncovering so many lies about my grandparents and even their parents.

[@leotajackson5602]

I found out quite a bit but my family was already deceased so I didn't have anyone to answer the many questions I was left with!!

[@connieburge2298]

I enjoy so much your stories and the honesty in which you present them. You help me keep going with my research. Sometimes I feel like it doesn't mean anything. Then I watch you and realize it's important. I don't have children, but I am still part of a family line -- thank you for that important insight.

[@scaringclaring5240]

How is it important?

[@nytn]

Thank you for keeping on. We are all chipping away a little bit at this big massive human story

[@throckwoddle]

@@scaringclaring5240 The closest claim to fame (and infamy) my family tree has is a great great aunt who didn't have biological children, but did have a step child. These stories are still interesting and important to the non-descendant relatives decades later.

[@rroadmap]

​@@throckwoddleOh yeah! There were some very interesting aunts in my family story! 😂

[@overcomer4060]

I love your thoughts on this. I especially liked the point about how sometimes there’s a big gap of time that goes by between the bad that happened, and the good that will (eventually) come out of it. That was heavy. Love your point of view on the whole thing.

[@LBrown-fo7sr]

Our family went through a similar process. When our dad passed away years ago we found out the last name all his kids have is different from what it says on his birth certificate. He gave us all the same last name but we don't know why his was different.

[@virginiamorales1591]

Danielle you are such a sweetheart. I love your new setup because it’s more intimate and you look more reachable. Green is one of my favorite colors so that’s an A+ for me. I love your story telling because it’s so well executed and it encourages us to see the bright side of things. We all have “family secrets” and it will always be a part of us. In my personal experience, I learned that my mother’s father married another woman before he “married my mom’s mother”? In one of the government’s annual household census reports, from my mother’s grandmother’s home, I found out that my mother’s parents and their first child lived with her. In the line of their age my grandmother was 19 and her first child was 6. With basic math skills, I could tell that my grandmother was 13 y/o when she had her first child. It broke my heart because she was a child and my grandfather was 26. So, to me he was a pedo. I told my mother and it shooked her up at first, and she said that that could not be true, but then she said that in those days that was a normal thing in rural areas. They were so poor that they lived like animals. It is sad to me that this still happens to young girls throughout our country and worldwide. This is one of those “secrets” that stays hidden forever, but I knew about it when I was searching for my ancestry. So, it can be a good experience but you can always get surprises not expected. But, don’t give up on your search. I’m sure you’ll find a lot of great stuff. Love you ❤️👍🙏😊

[@nytn]

Thank you! You are a kindred.

[@kevinminns5272]

You are an incredible Bodhisattva of the Earth! I am so grateful for your ability to share this aspect of your personal life.

[@kathleenreynolds6492]

I believe you’re overthinking the revelation about your grandfather. I can say that with a bit of personal insight. A few years ago my DNA came back with a significant amount of Jewish heritage. I had my brother do his with the same results. We were reared with the solid understanding that we were long standing Catholic on both sides, very Irish on my mother’s side, German on my dad’s. After some serious digging I found out that my mother’s grandfather had come from Lithuania and we believe he adopted the Irish name to help with employment. Turns out that my first cousins knew all along. As adults they always knew the Lithuanian name and even know where our grandfather is buried in a Lithuanian cemetery. We were quite close to those cousins but my mother was estranged from her father; she and her brother grew up in their Irish grandmother’s home (with their mother present) and the father figure was an uncle. I’m not even a little disappointed about the discrepancy. Our ancestors were no more or less perfect than we are. They lived their lives as they saw fit, making decisions as needed. Most of us are plenty busy keeping ourselves ‘in line’. And to have fun digging into that sometimes mucky ancestral dirt. I have spent many hours trying to chase down the Jewish ancestor. I have suspicions but haven’t yet nailed it.

[@melissaskitchen8832]

You have such a beautiful outlook on such a painful situation. I’m going through the same thing right now. Based on my DNA results, it is very likely that my dad is not my biological father. My parents are in their 70s and have been married for over 40 years so this is kind of a big deal. What’s worse, is that my mom was very defensive about it when I discreetly asked her, and she is not really interested in telling me anything. I’m not interested in making trouble, but I feel that I have a right to know the other half of me. I’m currently doing a lot of genealogy research to try to get some answers because at this rate, my mom is planning to take her secrets to the grave. And I’m pretty sure my dad doesn’t know.

[@nytn]

Thank you so much for sharing this part of your story. I wish I had some great advice, but all I can say is that I’m glad that we brought it to the attention of the people involved and while I can’t control the response, now I don’t need to wonder “what if” about bringing it to them. Keep me posted, I’m in your corner!

[@sherryblanton2029]

Very often back then, another young man would step up to be husband and ‘daddy’ in such a situation. I’ve seen it. (I’m 69) In most cases, the mom and apparent father held their secret close.

[@CaraFeable]

May I ask, would you rather know? Or not know?

[@JustMe-gs9xi]

@@sherryblanton2029 so you mean another young man married a lady who was Pregnant?????

[@greywolf7577]

Do you think your father has a right to know that his wife wasn't loyal to him?

[@Lady-BriChanel]

We have been down this road as a family. I inherited a new half sister through Ancestry DNA. It caused a lot of upheaval in my family. I embraced it, but others did not. Nearly 7 years later it still causes tension amongst family members. I found another close DNA match a short time later. I spoke to the match and shared it with his potential father. I shared the information with both parties and left it up to them to connect. I kept it to myself after that. I can relate to you, I had feelings of responsibility and guilt associated with my discovery.

[@kingscairn]

When you break something you have to repair it

[@JackFace-ns1gb]

When my dad passed away in 2021 my sister who already took a test and held the secret finally told me that my dads father was not his father. I took a test to confirm. I asked my grandmother who was 89 and after her denial and then a 3 week layover she finally gave me a name. One I never mentioned but who was apart of my research so I knew she was telling me the truth. His grandkids were showing as my highest half cousin matches. It was a roller-coaster. I never spoke to her after that. She died Year later.

[@AltheaClark]

At least, she gave you a name.

[@mycharmedunicorn8715]

You never spoke to her after that? That is your grandmother. She felt she had a good reason for hiding the truth. She should have been honest from the beginning. It would be so hard. Im sorry it upset you 😢

[@greywolf7577]

@@mycharmedunicorn8715 When DNA tests reveal that a man cheated on his wife and impregnated another woman, people tend not to be as forgiving. Why is it that people tend to be more forgiving of cheating women that are caught with DNA tests?

[@Clyde-2055]

@@mycharmedunicorn8715 - It would be a hard thing to accept that your grandma was a tramp.

[@DivergentMoon]

Woe, that's harsh. I hope you had other reasons besides that. These secrets were very important to keep when she was young. Perhaps you should explore what the repercussions were for illegitimacy.

[@reportedstolen3603]

Ancestry: stories of survival … great analogy with the story of Joseph

[@watchman7764]

From what you are saying. That your Irish grandfather who’s not your blood grandfather, but it sounds like he really loved you.

[@nytn]

He did! He was a great man

[@nytn]

I would say so, although my grandpa's side of the family had some health stuff we were getting checked for and once the dna came out, we no longer needed to be as proactive...

[@KevinBrady-fy3cx]

As an aging Irishman this makes lots of sense to me. I think as a people who have experienced tragedy and hardship we have come to understand what's important.

[@watchman7764]

I never knew my real grandfather on my mother side who was a Spaniard from El Salvador, but my step grandfather raised me. He was a Puerto Rican and he loves us very much and we Ioved him. We call him papa. Thank you for sharing. Great testimony. I myself took a DNA test. Found a brother that I never knew. We both found out on 23&me🤷🏻‍♂️. On my dad side. Well my dad or mom are not alive to tell the story. Found out in 2018. We are 7 months apart. The both of us born in 1964. We keep in touch. Get along just fine. Too long of a story to type out.

[@chazmack418]

You are an incredibly brave woman. If everyone had your guts, we'd be a much better and brave world instead of the cowards many of us are. Keep searching!!

[@sabrinab9991]

Girl, Don’t feel guilty one bit! This is coming from someone who went looking for my Dad’s bio parents and uncovered a secret concerning his bio dad. They were super secretive back then. EVERYONE has the right to know their true background. Every family has the good, bad, and ugly.

[@Me2Lancer]

Thank you, Danielle for sharing these unanticipated results from your research into your ancestry. I like the example you gave of Joseph and his reconciliation with his brothers. The study of ancestry is a process of discovery, one that brings joys at times and disappointments at other times. Regardless, we work our way through to discover our true legacy.

[@nytn]

I always appreciate your thoughtfulness on here

[@TeaMZ101]

Congrats on the upcoming book. I always watch to the end btw lol 😆

[@nytn]

You're the best! Thank you.

[@uptoncriddington6939]

Remember too that the grandpa you discovered you aren’t descended from is also family in the biological sense as well as the sense your mother chooses to concentrate on. Why? Because all of us are kin. So not only should we seek to be good ancestors, but good kin to the whole human family.

[@Zeebob77]

Life is complicated and often messy. Our families don't always conform to "tradition" but we are here and can embrace and love each other without regard to our DNA. I would not wish anyone away so we can live without the complications.

[@EmmyBullock-sc3cw]

Great point - life is complicated.

[@greywolf7577]

@@EmmyBullock-sc3cw When DNA tests reveal that a male relative cheated on his wife, I generally don't hear people talking about forgiving them. Why is it that forgiveness is given so much easier to women who cheat than men who cheat when it comes to these DNA tests?

[@MademoiselleCréoleRosa]

Mine was the exact opposite! My grandmother always said who my mom’s biological father was! Others around town said her dad was other people. Ancestry dna determined nope! Her biological father was exactly who my grandmother said! 😂😂😂🤦🏽‍♀️👏🤦🏽‍♀️💯💯💯

[@ttscrafts6765]

In my family tree, there was a story that my great grandfather had done something horrible in Italy, fled to the USA to start over, changed his name, and abandoned his family back in Italy. After researching and asking relatives, I found out that my great grandfather never did such a thing. He immigrated and then did not stay in contact with the relatives in Italy because he thought they would be mooches. LOL. A 2nd cousin had made up all kinds of stories about this grandfather, like that he murdered someone, or went AWAL from the military, but none of it was true. How crazy is that.

[@MaccaBased]

Wow, I appreciate the way you presented your story. I am a 62-year-old from Katherine, Northern Territory, Australia. Just before my mother passed away at 95 years of age, she disclosed that her parents were full blood siblings. They had nine children... together. It finally explained the cleft palate in all of their children. Apparently, while not exclusively the cause, it is more likely to occur when the relationship of the parents is very close biologically. It is also more likely to be a causative explanation for my four diagnosed heart diseases. Talk about lobbing a grenade into the lives of my three siblings and I!!! None of us have obvious outward signs (like a cleft lip), but my brother has an extra vertebrae. My sister has a misshapen earlobe, I have an extra cardiac artery that only occurs in a small percentage of the population. All of these are potential side effects of my grandparents' sibling relationship. 🤯🤯🤯🤯

[@dawnchauvin2968]

Did anyone ask your grammy about this before she passed away? Or did everyone pretend like they didn't know the secret? Your story is fascinating!

[@cedricharris-v2r]

All evidence is thrown out unless you take the dna of those who have passed away. Including your grands

[@larrywilliams9139]

Hang in. Anyone with a heart can see you are good people.

[@mikenow3050]

Facts are just facts. It's peoples reaction to the facts that can cause issues.

[@stephanienwadieiiamhybasia]

You will be a “good Ancestor “ because of all your research and stories.

[@LizRichardson-u6f]

I've had my DNA done twice. I'm not surprised by any of it. My paternal grandfather always told us he is Irish. Turns out his great grandmother was an indentured servant brought here by the family who owned her. She and the family's son had ten children. They were never allowed to marry. He built them a house on family land and then was called to fight in Civil War. He was wounded & eventually died.from his injurys. When he died, His illustrious family threw her & their own grandchildren off the land. Eventually they all wound up in Oklahoma. One of the sons was in the race for Free land in OK. They sent for their mother. My great great Irish grandmother is buried in Oklahoma.

[@tkm238-d4r]

Good day, your family background is a reminder to the Redpill manosphere that a woman's status and sometimes career do matter. The idea of a low-end woman using marriage to upgrade her status is seen as unacceptable to the family from the other side.

[@JohnLaRue-zp2uj]

Lady, I loved that quote. "The situation may not have been good, but good came out of it." I've been through this as well. Unresolved but there's always tomorrow. Your empathy and caring are exceptional on this posting. Well Done!

[@venuscruz6075]

I am a NPE, found out my father is not my father at the age of 50........what a shocker, even though I knew in my heart that I did not look like my brother and sisters, nor anyone else I was around in my life. I always felt like something was off.

[@lynntaylorbuccafuri5924]

I was 52 but looked like the oldest sister I had three older sisters). Dad took custody of me from my mother when I was 18 months old to raise me with my sisters, I was his favorite, I assumed it was because I was the baby, but now I know differently. Apparently mom couldn’t provide proper care for me while she worked at night waitressing, but she was pregnant with me when she left him even tho he didn’t see me until I was about 14-15 months old. She let him believe he was my father when he wasn’t, told my sister about it when I was 32, lied to me when confronted (age 33), I took 3 dna tests trying to find my dads family because he grew up an orphan and never talked about it with us. He died within weeks of my 22nd bday (I was 22, 1988). FF to 1918, when I decided to take dna test to search for additional family and where his parents came from and I receive a message that one only matches knows all of her first cousins, who am I and what was my story. WOW, talk about being shocked. I couldn’t even have that conversation with my mother because she passed away in Dec 2013, I found out all of this in September 2018. Mourned my father (who raised me) and mourned the new biological father I never met…even though he lived 10 minutes away from me my whole life. He was married, never had children, he and his wife were my cousins favorite Uncle/Aunt. His wife was Alice when I learned the truth, but they asked me not to reach out to her, which I respected their wishes because I didn’t want to hurt anyone or be an intrusion on someone’s life that it scrambles everything they knew. It just sucks. I feel for you, have you found your biological father at all?

[@lesal.1373]

Thank you for showing others that searching for yourself is complicated and emotional. And that's okay. Forgiveness and communication are so important.☮️💜

[@litebriteeyes]

One of the things I admire about you is your pursuit of truth. I'm sorry this caused you pain 😢 but I still feel inspired by your example of doing that. I hope you and your family heal and find joy in the midst of this disappointment. I have a grandson I love like he's my blood, even though he's not. I'm so happy I get to be his grandma, even if I'm not his biological grandmother. I hope you get to keep your grandpa ❤ and also find your grandfather.

[@carolwoodward6141]

Thanks!

[@jaulanawilliams5101]

Sorry to hear that your family had to endure this season. Continue to be at peace and address the past to help the heal from the truth

[@nytn]

I am feeling that healing and I hope this encourages others who are in that season still!

[@sekoumv]

Hey cuz, you’re a very bright feather within our tribe and I’m knowing things gets better. Looking forward in viewing your growth and teachings.

[@saltyintexas193]

I found an older brother, he looks just like my dad. You just have to remember there is always love in imperfections

[@sierrajamerson5637]

I have been there before too. NPE! That’s a new term for me! I want you to know that your channel has been so helpful as I navigate a similar situation of finding family I didn’t know before and feeling my identity and sense of belonging change. You are not alone ❤

[@lynntaylorbuccafuri5924]

Yep, IM AN NPE also! I hate that they have a name for us.

[@Cportfinest912]

I wish I can hug you through the screen. You have been throughout this journey. However, I’m so happy that you are able to discover all the secrets that came along with the journey because now you know who you are to help with your identity. You now have the truth to give to your children too ❤❤❤❤❤❤ Bless you and your family

[@fawnjenkins7266]

I love that quote from Joseph of Egypt. His words about good coming from the intended evil/bad, is a very good way to choose to look at those hard things. 👏🥰 I am glad you are coming to see the goodness. I am sure it was a very hard thing to process. Good on ya for overcoming!

[@carolwoodward6141]

Certainly unsettling. My 70+ neighbor to discover that his Dad was not his biological dad. He has since found the other side of that family, but I think he still is shaken somehow. I feel for him.

[@scaringclaring5240]

Reason why people should leave these things alone and not go digging. Especially while there are generations alive who might be affected.

[@lolalove39573]

@@scaringclaring5240 I worked with a man who found out that his great grandfather had been a runaway slave to Canada. The man had thought his ancestry came from Europe.

[@3choblast3r4]

Men have an irrational love and respect for their mothers. As these morally perfect creatures. We know our mom's aren't perfect. But the lowest a woman can do in most men's eyes is cheat. For your mother, to be a cheater. To cheat on the man that raised and loved you... that's an almost impossible task to forgive or get over.

[@nytn]

I feel for him too. Thats a lot of years to live under the wrong story

[@lisayoung4810]

​@@3choblast3r4sometimes there's is SA & sometimes the woman is afraid at what may happen to her or her child. I've heard some stories where that has been the case and I've heard from a woman as to why she kept the baby did not tell anyone and maybe just now sharing

[@JR-lh3ti]

I discovered my Grandpa wasn’t my Grandpa biologically. It was a complete shock to our whole family. Mind-blowing! My Grandma had 10 children. My Mom, who was number 3 in birth order. 1,2,5-10 are full siblings with each other…. and to our complete surprise my Mom had a full sister, who was number 4 in birth order. That was mind blowing, as well! My G and G were married throughout the birth of 10 children. But obviously to our complete surprise, she had a relationship with another man for 2 years….as my Mom and my full aunt were conceived during that time. It was a great shock to all “three” branches of our tree. It impacted us all. I was the one in my big family to make discovery and broke news gently to everyone. I was hesitant to have to break the news of my discovery, but felt for various reasons that people should know. The family we grew up with is 100% family, it doesn’t matter that we have a tad different DNA. I don’t see this family anything different than whole. On the other hand, our “new” family has been welcoming. We didn’t “lose” family, but we actually “gained” some family. My 85 year old Mom passed away before definitely knowing this fact. (She knew I was doing detective work on finding why these “random” people were showing up). So, I can relate to your story. I had various emotions when dealing with the news. Looking in the mirror for the first time, was weird… I looked at myself, and thought…we aren’t who we thought we were. Do we look like our “new” Grandfather?! Looking at pictures of my Mom’s new line. we look like that side of the family. My brother is a doppelgänger of our 2nd Great-grandfather. We always thought my Mom looked a tad different than the rest of her siblings…now it totally makes sense why. We have yet to come across a picture of our biological Grandfather. For some reason, I have empathy and love for my Grandma (who had already passed away when we found out) …and found that I couldn’t be “upset” with her. I too believe good can come from what may be considered bad, evil, or unfortunate and complicated circumstances. The Lord knows the whole story and big picture, and for some reason this was part of the picture.

[@kingscairn]

Crazzzzy - discovering your GRANDMOTHER was a hoe - sweet little ole granma - wow 😮

[@greywolf7577]

When DNA tests reveal that a male relative cheated on his wife and had children with another woman while married to his wife, people don't seem to be as forgiving. Why is it that when DNA tests reveal that it was the woman who cheated, people seem to be so much more forgiving?

[@estherstephens1858]

Danielle, I love the relaxed setting of your story telling. There are so many different stories of our ancestors. DNA is fascinating AND scary. Regardless of what the story is I’m not sure what the right answer is. Maybe, there is no right answer. For example IF the parents/grandparents are still alive and keep these secrets does that make it any better than not telling the secret? I remember hearing stories of best friends finding out they are related. I remember hearing stories that family members living so close to each other yet never knew it. I remember hearing stories of twins/triplets being separated at birth, etc. Btw, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the story of Joseph.

[@stephanienwadieiiamhybasia]

My Mother never told me the man I thought was a “dead beat dad” was Not my biological father at all? He took a paternity test for me, while in the nursing home. He was not my father 😢 . It was a “mixed blessing “. Some of his family were mean and had ugly ways. Why my Mother lied is unknown to me. She is with the Ancestors. DNA test helped me locate my paternal side. My new cousin is someone who looks like me.( if I had a brother). I have a photo of my biological dad. He was so smart and beautiful. He died at 22yrs. I am glad I know most of the truth. My Mother was simply a flawed human being as well as a beautiful soul.❤

[@greywolf7577]

How did he feel knowing his wife or girlfriend had cheated on him?

[@lesliemorgan3091]

This one made me cry. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful work ❤️

[@elainepeterson1269]

I understand the sadness and anger. I don't fault my grandma. According to my dad, she was very loving and kind. She died in 1965 when I was 3. My father's grandparents+2 children immagrated to the US from Calabria. They were sent by train to Southern Colorado to live/work in a coal mining camp. Possibly in Berwind, which is close to Trinidad, CO. For perspective, the Ludlow Masacre happened happened during my grandmother's life. My grandmother had been married twice (5 children). She lost her first husband in a coal mining accident and her second husband to suicide. In 1937, Danoto was born (my dad❤). He was given the last name of her 2nd husband. He was 45 years old when he found out who his biological father was. (from a childhood friend)He was told his brother John was dying of cancer. My dad said that he didn't have a brother named John. The two brothers knew each other. They reconnected in a a brand new beautiful way. My dad would have loved to have had a much earlier relationship with John. My two siblings and I carry the last name of someone who is unrelated to us.

[@nytn]

Im so glad you are preserving the story of where you are today. Even if it is bittersweet.

[@GracyMantoan]

You know, I understand these family secrets can be heart-wrenching, but I was watching your video and listening to those wise words from your mother, and I feel that I must tell you: if you need a reason to believe that goodness can come from this story, just look in the mirror! You, your mother, and your kids are the goodness, who came straight from God! There's nothing to be ashamed of.

[@nytn]

That was really lovely. Thank you.

[@ChristineC.-bd2qr]

A lot of families are holding on to secrets with some taking it to their grave. My family has uncovered secrets that deceased relatives took to their graves.

[@thehistoricallyadequatesea4395]

I call this "Paternity Slide" and it is terribly common. It's just that in the past no one ever thought these secrets would be revealed. It happens all the time and all you can do is incorporate it into your tree and move on. My father's half sister became known to us 5 years ago. She chose to swim in DeNile so deep we thought she would never find the shore. Last week she finally came out of the river and contacted us thru her half sister, expressing interest in knowing about her bio father. My husband also acquired an unknown aunt on his mother's side, so for our family it's 100% that we had close family members that DNA revealed.

[@goertz8939]

We had our own family situation that was terrible at the time but if it didn’t happen my family would not have happened. In the last days of WW2 my father in law at the age of 13 was stuffed into a box car filled with other young teens and was bound for the Russian front line. If he had made it there it certainly would have been his death. He was a tall skinny boy. He was skinny enough to slip through a gap in the wall of the box car. It was dangerous to run away because he could have been shot for doing so. He hide in a farm’s field for a week before the farmer found him there. By then Germany surrendered and the farmer told him to go home. When he went home which was now East Germany his mother said he had to go because he would be held as a prisoner of war if the Russian army found him. I don’t know how he made it to Canada being so young when all this happened to him but if he didn’t none of his family would be alive and safe in Canada.

[@melindadurchholz3738]

You are helping so many people by sharing your family history. Your channel’s revelations are striking a chord with many, many people. Over a 1000 likes in one day!

[@CAMacKenzie]

I've thought about getting a DNA test, but I haven't done it, and the possibility of something like this turning up is in the back of my mind. I don't know if I could handle finding out that my grandpa was not my grandpa, or worse, that my dad was not my dad. I've never had any suspicion of it, certainly no reason for suspicion of it, but I feel like, "Don't gamble with anything you can't afford to lose."

[@silje1309]

this happened to me, got a dna test and accidentially discovered my grandpa wasnt.. well.. my grandpa. the guilt ate me up for a while but things are going better now. on the positive side ive gotten in touch with my "new" family and they are really kind people. feels good to know im not the only one whos experienced this, hugs from norway!

[@jcortese3300]

I got the same result on my dad's side -- my Grandpop on that side wasn't the father of my dad nor his three younger siblings. It actually answered some questions about some family attitudes that my dad's generation had sensed. For some reason, no one took it badly in the family. We all figured it was water under the bridge, and that Grandpop might as well have been our biological grandfather anyhow. It was all due to a choice that happened by definition before any of us were born. And while this makes me sound like a typical clannish Italian American, he was still Italian, so maybe we didn't find it "threatening" in any way. It just meant we were all part Campanese instead of part Lucano. (Yet more proof that paesani are fkkin weird, which we already knew. 😄) I think my oldest cousin on that side may have felt a little strange like, "But I'm not your real cousin anymore!" and I was like, "Of course you're my real cousin, you knucklehead. We spent how many weekends over your house when we were little?" It just didn't seem to land hard for us for some reason. The only real impact it had on me was that when my cousin contacted that side of the family and got some photos, it was strange seeing people that resembled me and my dad strongly. We hadn't had that before, and it's not like everyone looks like a carbon copy of their parents, so we didn't think much of it until I saw the noses on that side of the family ...

[@HappyForestBridge-zj4yh]

That would be a great show paisan ancestry

[@mistygeller3193]

Wow, I could chat with you for hours! I absolutely understand everything that you are saying and thoughts and feelings that come with allll of this information! Thank you for sharing this story and for the beautiful references! There are many many many cracks, fractures, and full on breaks within my family tree. A lot of my family have unanswered questions but they aren’t sure how to even begin asking them, or if they want to know, if they are ready to. Within all of the messiness…. I still have a wonderful family that is very close and loves each other. I do not know another family that is as tightly knit as mine. It’s a beautiful thing that we treasure 😊❤️ I absolutely will be reading the story of Joseph now 😊 Thank you so much for your timely in my life! You explained things so eloquently. You have a gift girly! 💕 I look forward to watching more of your content

[@toniasalways]

I was so lucky! No skeleton in the closet. Me, my sister, and my aunt on my dad's side took the DNA test. When I got our results back, none of my cousins were very interested. As I found our history and reported things as I found them, every response from ALL the cousins was, Well, that explains a lot. No one cared about the family bumps I found! So there was nothing to cause me to lay awake at night but there were also few "good stories".

[@amberlynnduncan4813]

I had this happen personally . I did a ancery DNA test and found out my brother was a 1/2 brother and my father wasn’t my father

[@gelsilicawalker3835]

DNA reveals a lot into our History.

[@Wunderlust76]

Took mine during Covid after our two Patriarchs passed. I knew going in my Mom's father died early and was adopted...i found my Mom's half siblings and extra cousins. I never had any on Mom's side. We'll actually yes and lived across the river in next county. Some don't want contact others are cool. My mom doesn't want to bother, and I respect that. My Dad's side had secrets on some branches we are still uncovering. My cousin found out who is "real" dad was but didnt change much...i like your concept of be a good ancestor ❤ the past cant be changed but we can learn thru it. I was contacted by a woman trying to find her missing dad. Unfortunately my deceased 2nd cousin can't be her birth dad but she carried his name. That was a shock. It's been a blessing and God's Providence is always perfect.

[@ThatSuzanneSchmid]

I'm going through something similar re. the same ancestor. Two new additional families, one from his father and one from him. The hard part is the unwillingness of some of the new family members to acknowledge our family. I'm not expecting to be invited to family barbecues, but we can at least be fb friends.

[@tinahickson6352]

What a beautiful gift you are to your family and all of us.

[@karenholmes6565]

It is strange that this vid came up in my timeline considering I had a situation come up with my bio-grandfather's family less than a week ago. My mother's father is not the man listed on her birth certificate. The man my bio grandmother had an affair with was her biological father. This happened in 1941. My mom was born in 1942. My mother had few answers about her father, other than his name, his age, and the fact that he would bring her presents and visit with her until her grandparents uprooted her and took her to California when she was 18 months old. Years and years passed, my mom being reared by her grandparents as her adoptive parents. She took their name. She always longed to know more about the man that contributed half her DNA. She wondered if she had siblings, and if so, how many. My sister and her took DNA tests and submitted them to ancestry and they had hits of distant cousins that led them to an entry for her bio father. He passed very young, only 43 yrs old. He had a son that was listed as stillborn. So my mom thought she had no living siblings. My mom passed 4 yrs ago....but since she passed my niece joined ancestry and had a second tied cousin hit. It was my mother's 1st cousin, and she wanted to know who my niece was. So my niece gave her my number. It turned out that this woman had lots of hidden information for me. My mom had FIVE siblings that survived to adulthood. Many of them have passed, but there are a few still living. The youngest is only a handful of years older than myself. They always knew about my mom. I think this is the reason none of them are on ancestry. This cousin that contacted me told me that she was in big trouble with this branch of the family for reaching out and contacting my niece. After talking to this cousin I realized that the reason why my bio grandfather was so hard to track was possibly intentional. Other people have listed his grave site, for example. Distant cousins listed his existence only a decade ago. They didn't want to be found. And I wonder why that would be the case. Their own mother has been deceased since 1989, so it isn't like they would be hurting her. I think the reason why my grandparents moved to California was to keep him from taking my mom. He had married in 1942. My grandmother said terrible things about this man, that he was lazy and wild, and irresponsible. But according to this cousin he was a beloved patriarch of his family. His kids adored him. With this description of him, the fact he visited my mom, gave her clothes, and photos of himself, and it starts to seem like my mother's grandparents didn't want to lose her to him. All so sad, so many years ago. Perhaps my mom would not have been better off, being raised by a woman that was not her mother. Who knows how that would have turned out, I still think it is sad he died so young, and left such a hole in the lives of his kids. So vast a hole that they couldn't accept my mom existed, even though he obviously told them that she did.

[@denisjames8955]

Love your channel so much. Sometimes when you are sitting alone and working on your genealogy you can begin to feel that you are the only one that is running into all this confusion, so it is very comforting to hear that others are going through the same process. In some ways I get a little bit of an edge because one side of my family has been here since August of 1611, but that doesn’t mean that the paper trail coincides with family stories. BTW I recently ordered one of your hoodies and it arrived yesterday in the afternoon post. It was exactly as advertised and I am looking forward to wearing it ( that is if I can ever get it away from my wife) lol. I would encourage all of your followers to order some of your merchandise. Ironically I was working on my genealogy when it came 😊

[@robertwalsh1724]

Thanks!

[@nytn]

Thank you for watching! I appreciate your generosity so much

[@stephanienwadieiiamhybasia]

Families have secrets❤. DNA 🧬 tells us different, sometimes.

[@dawnemile7499]

I really like the slogan on your t-shirt because that has been my goal since I took an interert in family geneology.

[@Fister-kw5un]

I LOVE this grandma - NO STRINGS ATTACHED!!! 🎉

[@eleonorabartoli2225]

Thank you so much for sharing! I wish that one day soon you will have the full info and that it will be positive, I feel it might not be as evil as you think, it may just be a human story. I really love your shirt! About your "hate" for your plants now, I wonder if it is because they are not doing well and in that case, as a tropical plants technician for 7 years, I just wanted to tell you that happy plants come down to two rules: first, give it the light they need, and second, give it the water they need by checking the soil first and (critical) on the same day each week. schedule is the key, without it you have no way of knowing if the water was too little or too much, and they usually end up dying of root rot. Take care! ☘️

[@Susan.I]

I am a Christian, but after doing an ancestry test I found out that my 2 times great grandmother was not Christian; but she was Jewish and never told any family members. If my mother had known she might have not died so early because she would have been tested for Ovarian Cancer. They found it at stage 4. She died thinking the had used a product that caused her cancer.

[@nytn]

That's heartbreaking, I'm so sorry for your loss.💔

[@caryallen62]

God bless you girl. I don't think I could take it as well as you. Your mom sounds like my Grandmother, nothing ever changed her awesome attitude. I miss her.❤

[@stephanienwadieiiamhybasia]

Thank you for sharing. Lots of people will understand they are not alone.

[@Tsalagi]

My stepmom's lost son found her through a DNA because he was being told his whole life that his grandmother was his mother and his mother was his cousin. His grandma kept him away from my stepmom for years and decades until one day the grandma passed away and he found out my stepmom was his real mom 😮 i always knew who he was because she kept a picture of him on her nightstand but she couldn't find him. So yes its very crazy what can be found out through a DNA test

[@yvettejones6196]

Hello Danielle Romero! Warm greetings to you from New Orleans, Louisiana. I’m watching your podcast during my lunch break today. I’m also a Christian. What a lovely tender heart our God has given you. It’s is difficult to reconcile how much time it takes for the good outcomes to be realized as promised in Romans 8:28. I have often felt like I’m Josephine (aka female version of Joseph in Genesis 39- ). Yes. After we grieve over the pain of our new reality God promises to work all things together for our good! 😢❤😊 Amen!🙏🏾 God’s mercy towards us is unending…

[@Ponto-zv9vf]

Her reply was not Christian, it was Jewish. Jesus is the New Testament not the Torah Old Testament. Joseph and his brothers is a Jewish story.