A Karate Christmas Miracle - The Cinema Snob

[@Thegr8MC]

I take back everything I ever said about Neil Breen's movies not making any sense. Never in my life did I ever think I would see a whimsical Christmas movie inspired by a real mass shooting!

[@danielludwig647]

At least Neil Breen films are charmingly crazy. This stuff's hard to watch, like it's drunkenly attacking the viewer's brain.

[@nikkixx7964]

@@danielludwig647 You've clearly never seen Pass Thru, that one actually gets pretty disturbing in some places

[@theponydalek7923]

What's next, an Easter movie where the easter bunny rams a plane into a building?

[@RobbieLugos]

There’s another whimsical Christmas movie inspired by a real mass shooting called The Nutcracker in 3D (2010).

[@MrBofinn]

Whatever you might say about Neil Breen, his movies never made me afraid of him.

[@tsarstepan]

Brad? Has anyone told you that you are their hero? Well? You're my hero for watching these movies and not spontaneously combusting and dying. I'm having a difficult time getting through these clips without feeling a quadruple aneurysm coming on. My eyes are almost in a permanent eye roll every time the clips are on my screen. You have the patience of a saint.

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

He's the wind beneath our wings.

[@Unknown-bq9id]

"I need a drink." That line explains the whole thought process of this movie, actually...

[@toxmuertos]

Wow. I just...wow. I applaud you for bringing these crazy ass movies to light.

[@archer1949]

“Dad was in the movie theater making a Constitutional argument about guns.” Wait, what? You can’t just dump that without an explanation!

[@PaceBreaker]

Apparently you can because the writer made the whole thing just as random and incoherent.

[@Triceritrozer]

What unfortunate timing to be doing that before being shot in said theater

[@quinnzykir]

I like how the “Karate” is just kids drunk wrestling

[@marcespinoza6068]

I know right? was about to comment the same thing.

[@MsTokyoBlue]

Seriously... Plus the fact that the kid went from yellow belt to black belt in about a month...

[@yudithcaron8053]

That belt-jumping was the true miracle here.

[@redkingrauri3769]

@@MsTokyoBlue 5 days. At that pace he gained 2 belts a day. That's like the king of mcdojos.

[@kissarococo2459]

Stop disrespecting drunk wrasslin! It is literally the oldest forms of martial arts going back to glorious days of humans discovering alcohol!

[@SunnysFilms]

"I'm going to get my black belt before Christmas." - kid who is a yellow belt at the beginning of the movie mere days before Christmas "That's not how getting a black belt works." - literally anyone who has ever trained in any martial art ever

[@Rainbowthewindsage]

Also anyone who is even vaguely familiar with martial arts.

[@redkingrauri3769]

Oh it's totally how it works...if you find a teacher with no ethics and is willing to make you go up a belt for an extra hundred bucks a rank.

[@kenthuang436]

Let’s be real here. That instructor only gave the kid the belt just to get him out of the dojo and to stop him from wasting the man’s time.

[@biffyqueen]

Thank you! That was bugging me too.

[@voidbreather7405]

I need to see your reaction to "Christmas in Handcuffs" - it's honestly like someone took one of those kidnapped/held hostage romance WattPad stories and draped it in the skin of a Hallmark movie!

[@diggerfan9319]

@Yeah Hah since when was that expression dead? Everyone still uses it.

[@BWMagus]

I normally wouldn't say "so-and-so did it", but Doug literally just did it, and he did it literally feet away from Brad in the same office, so...might be a bit redundant.

[@voidbreather7405]

@@BWMagus .....and Brad can offer his own perspective/humor for the film. For example: just because I watched Phelous' review for Rapsittie Street Kids first, doesn't mean that I didn't also watch the one done by Doug.

[@BWMagus]

@@voidbreather7405 I didn't say he couldn't. I said it'd be sort of redundant to get two reviews of the same movie at almost the same time. Give it a year, it'll be more fun if it's spaced out.

[@voidbreather7405]

@@BWMagus Nah, that would be boring. Nothing wrong with two critics reviewing the same movie so soon - hell, I see creators do it with Let's Plays all the time, especially when said creators interact frequently.

[@mindlessgonzo]

This is what happens when a sociopath writes a Christmas movie and had his mass shooter fanfic inserted to make it movie length.

[@jaymcd8577]

"Dinner's getting cold" "It's always cold mom" *BURN*

[@nealmaxwell790]

Of course Eric Roberts is in this! I’m convinced he’s doing these movies to troll people while getting paid for it. Quite ingenious if you think about it

[@Geospasmic]

Not gonna lie, if I found a gig like that I'd be all over it.

[@taags]

Eric Roberts is a strange guy. He acts in anything from blockbusters to amateur garbage. Fascinating.

[@krystalfan]

a paycheck is a paycheck

[@pinnipunk451]

The stock-footage return of Kung-Tai Ted?? This is the BEST Christmas EVER!!

[@SirAsdf]

It's the crossover between Karate Kid, Home Alone & Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close that no one asked for.

[@FelisTerras]

Ok, movie references/flashbacks in order of appearance: 0:42: The Shining 01:07: Last Ounce of Courage 01:11. The Associate 01:42: Scrooged 02:32: The good Son 02:30: The X Factor(TV series)/ Rocky Horror Picture Show 04:05: Dick Tracy/1960's Batman series 05:02: drunk grandma trying to be hip 05:46: every bad kid actor. Ever. 05: 48: Hook 06:49: every scarred/traumatized on the job detective flic ever 07:49: Home improvement 07:50: IT 08:34: drunk Bastian Bux(Neverending Story)doing a stoned Lisa Simpson impression 09:40: Faulty Towers/To catch a Yeti 12:42: actual..jawdrop 15:11: Suspiria 16:13: BuzzFeed and about a three dozen other associations I can't bother to think about. Just...whatever...

[@TheDantedarkdemon201]

That professor going on tangents is like me at work ranting about random things

[@DonaldRilea]

"Santa Claus is guilty of nothing!!!" That's 'cos he was in Austria during the war, that's why.

[@TheBattlesword]

I can’t complain about you not doing a Rise of Skywalker tie-in episode; this movie feels like it was written by someone who thinks Disney had Carrie Fischer killed to sell more Star Wars tickets

[@cesarzpontu8886]

this movie is as stupid as Rise of Skywalker

[@coolnerdlll6053]

​@@cesarzpontu8886 Rise of Skywalker didn't use a real mass shooting to promote a lazy Christmas message.

[@cesarzpontu8886]

@@coolnerdlll6053 but it used cgi model of dead actress.

[@coolnerdlll6053]

​@@cesarzpontu8886 I don't think that's anywhere near as bad. Besides, Carrie was said to have liked the CGI model of herself in Rogue One. I don't think she'd have had a problem with it.

[@cesarzpontu8886]

@@coolnerdlll6053 it still looked terrible

[@Noxerium]

Seeing the Snob in a karate outfit is making me think that there could be a timeline where he is the karate miracle kid and Pierre Kirby would show up at the end.

[@RDWheat]

Well this is a way to start my day.

[@pothatuu]

That's right, that raving old blonde lady was a Playboy playmate...

[@amanoj318]

I like your onesie. Then again, I've liked Olaf them.

[@stefanfilipovits21]

I’m ashamed of how hard I laughed at this

[@GleeChan]

How the fuck is that kid advancing belts so quickly? Everything else I can believe, but *THIS* is pure fantasy!

[@chadandroid]

Happy birthday! My fav you tuber!

[@thedude5295]

3:00 Did this kid just mansplain to his mother how his sensei is a woman? Priceless.

[@GlassesnMouthplates]

The kid is going to grow up dying his hair bright purple, spends 23 hours on Twitter demanding the verb "manning" to be more gender neutral, and he now has 10 specific gender pronouns.

[@handsomebrick]

I'm impressed that you were able to make some kind of sense from that scene, I looked at it and only saw lunacy.

[@nikkixx7964]

@@GlassesnMouthplates Considering the way he dunks on his mothers cooking, I'm pretty sure he's just looking for every and any opportunity to shit on her

My theory is they all died from a gas leak and the miracle is their shared dream that the guy came back.

[@marikotrue3488]

It wouldn't be a true holiday season without a headache, confusion, irritation and ennui. Thank you Cinema Snob for providing all that in this entertainingly condensed format. Now I can skip the family reunion (unfortunately not a movie, but real life).

[@leahmickens3928]

How much time passes in this movie? It seems like Jesse went from a yellow belt to a black belt in a week and a half, which of true, means he went to a terrible McDojo and his belt is worthless.

[@Rob_Thorsman]

Exactly!

[@handsomebrick]

Belt colors in general are the sign of a terrible McDojo.

[@jonathansefcik473]

@@handsomebrick Every martial arts system has belt colors. Judo, BJJ, traditional jiu jitsu, all styles of karate, all styles of Taekwondo. In my experience, it usually takes an adult 3-5 years to get a black belt in karate or TKD, around 10 years for BJJ. And kids and tweens usually take longer than that since they tend to develop slower.

[@kenthuang436]

The instructor probably just gave the little brat a black belt to get him to stop wasting his time. That kid had the most selfish reason I’ve ever heard for wanting a black belt in all my years of training.

[@lowenergyvideos4658]

I refuse to believe this was a thing I saw. I think I just had a seizure for 25 mins and just saw a series of un connected images and sound. JUST IN TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS!

[@jackmcslay]

Wow, "Cries of the Unborn" straight up sound like the title of a horror movie

[@krystalfan]

a horror movie about zombie fetuses?

[@jackmcslay]

@@krystalfan And wouldn't that be terrifying?

[@PaceBreaker]

Sounds like a lame sequel to either The Unborn or Born.

[@03bgood]

Did IT reawaken when the theater mass shooting of 2012 occurred? They mention a clown and that's usually when Pennywise reawakens; during a hate crime. Also, 2012 is 27 years after IT's defeat by the adult losers in 1985. Coincidence, I think not!

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

Illuminati confirmed.

[@michaelryall5752]

WOW! This is both the greatest hidden Christmas gem and the best "Karate Kid" sequel ever!

[@codyacker4040]

As soon as Brad said who had made this movie, my reaction to it was: “Oh god! It’s this guy again.” Having watched this movie now though; it actually makes sense that this movie is from the guy who wrote the movie The Life Zone. You would have to be that crazy already to make this type of a Christmas movie.

[@_ealien3347]

holy shit.. this movie's clips were actually making me angry. not because because i disagreed or anything but because it was challenging me to make sense of what was happening.

[@hawlitakerful]

Same here... it like you want have a political message in your movie ... that's fine ... i don't have to agree with the message itself but ok... but this is something beyond incoherent...

[@kenthuang436]

It made me angry because of the kid’s selfish reason for wanting to get a black belt and that he didn’t even earn it or actually deserved it. Also that instructor is completely wrong for just handing out belts and doesn’t even understand what said belts are supposed to really represent.

[@jonathanbethards3689]

6:31 I think this is the same stock music I hear in YT horror channels like "Beyond Creepy"

[@redkingrauri3769]

That kid went from a yellow belt to a black belt in the span of 5 days! Jeez, what an awful dojo.

[@Rando1975]

Definitely sounds like a McDojo.

[@redkingrauri3769]

@@Rando1975 More like a Dojo-King.

[@geoffreysorkin5774]

@@redkingrauri3769 more like Dojodee's

[@JoshuaWilkesR]

Well it's a breeze when there is only 3 or 4 students

[@kenthuang436]

As an actual black belt that worked hard for years to earn the belt, I really want to start punching and kicking the kid just to teach him a lesson of how selfish he was for wanting the belt and that just because someone handed him a black belt does not make him one and what an actual black belt looks like. Just because you receive something without earning it doesn’t mean you automatically become anything associated with it or deserve any respect for it. I can go out and buy handcuffs and a police officer uniform and wear it but that doesn’t mean that I am automatically a cop because of it.

[@SirAsdf]

Saying Eric Roberts "Starred" in this movie is like saying the Angels With Dirty Souls guy "Starred" in Detective Pikachu.

[@mrmonty86]

Drugs was indefinitely involved to make this film.

[@jeremykegley1669]

Agreed!

[@cameronfindlay5574]

That's insulting to drugs.

[@joelgordon7814]

Did you mean for all those words to come out like they did?

[@vladdyvansavage8760]

Not enough drugs. But the audience needs to be on drugs to appreciate this visual equivalent of hot bucket of shit. A lobotomy with an Ebola infected drill at 6am in the morning is more appealing than seeing this movie.

[@derp-construction3341]

And they should be involved in the watching of this film.

[@tonyjackson7122]

So Julie is if a Kate McKinnon character gained sentience and started living it's own life.

[@aiberlane3390]

I just feel so sad for Eric Roberts. Julia is an A-Lister, Emma is mid-tier, and Eric Roberts never seems to be able to advance past C-list.

[@aiberlane3390]

Oh, and that brunette woman reminds me of Sarah Silverman.

[@scitechian]

"A consstutional arGYUment about gunsss"

[@ColeslawVariant]

The dad was hiding behind the camera the whole time with a fake moustache?

[@LupineShadowOmega]

Forbidden Words huh? So, she's saying she wanted to say something more racist, but the movie wouldn't allow it?

[@graemesmith6721]

It's just dialogue written by an angry, resentful right-winger about the evils of "political correctness," because the right has never forbidden anyone from saying anything.

[@lisuru5302]

5:11 the face of someone who wishes they were in a better movie then this one

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

Froppy!

[@lisuru5302]

@@MinscFromBaldursGate92 Ribbit! ^_^

[@lisuru5302]

@@MinscFromBaldursGate92 Shes my girrrl

[@WilfredoWolganG]

A whole film that's like the snuff film in "Last Ounce of Courage?" Sold!

[@mightyfilm]

Drunk? This friggin' movie's on bath salts. And how do I get the feeling that said bath salts only get Ken to "normal?"

[@stefanfilipovits21]

I assumed this movie was written on ambien but bath-salts? Yeah, that makes more sense. Especially after that weird-ass dream sequence.

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

I thought bath salts turned you into a naked cannibal.

[@kissarococo2459]

​@@MinscFromBaldursGate92 thats the milder reaction

[@fslayer1290]

I am truly, legitimately asking: What is happening in this movie?

[@10GaugeManiac]

The kid did it. Black belt represents the eternal darkness his victims fall into after he murders them. The college professor looks like a hippy got merged with a Gelfling.

[@gonzaloegonzalez8106]

So... What is the movie about? No, really. It's about a psychic who see the future, a soul trapped in a purgatory "Because" and a kid learning karate? This movie has less karate than Jaden Smith's Karate Kid Movie... And it was about Kung fu

[@jakebreaker]

"I am officially cutting this review off...!" It's a true Christmas miracle. wtf even is this movie?!

[@quinnzykir]

So daddy left because his son wasn’t a black belt. Okay

[@kenthuang436]

And the kid didn’t actually earn the Black belt since it was basically handed to him after less than a year of training.

[@quinnzykir]

@@kenthuang436 I’m bummed that I never got past a white belt. But that was because I was a preteen with a buttload of homework, adhd, and crippling anxiety

[@kenthuang436]

Martial arts isn’t for everyone. And sometimes life just gets in the way of training. But either way it’s okay as long as you tried your best.

[@TheRealNormanBates]

1:19 who cares about Eric Roberts being in this when you have *Martin Kove!* 3:15 *WOW!* I had to take some Dramamine to combat the dizziness from that edit!

[@Kaylakaze]

Seeing these sets made me think of Asylum's Paranormal Entity and that made me wonder if Asylum films were actually not bad enough to be on this show.

[@DarkseidJoshua]

Abby) "Applesauce is the new Jello" In the same meeting Jerry Smith) "Hungry for Apples"

[@Clay3613]

WTF is going on this movie? Ed Wood made better movies consisting of outtakes and stock footage!

[@alexdionisos]

This makes Manos look like Tarentino

[@Jarod-sm5rf]

I would love to see a movie about someone kicking ass during Christmas

[@Rob_Thorsman]

Die Hard? Lethal Weapon?

[@Geospasmic]

Santa's Slay, A Christmas Horror Story (both feature santas kicking ass)

[@bthsr7113]

Try Long Kiss Goodnight.

[@lisuru5302]

Someone should give you an internet oscar for putting up with all these bad movies. 😂

[@ShadeMeadows]

YES. This will make my Day~

[@SpeedyEric1]

4:34- I already wish this movie was either The Dark Knight, The Dark Knight Rises, or Joker. 5:21- ......You're Kate McKinnon in disguise, aren't you? Oh, come on. There's always room for Jell-O.

[@manticorephoenix]

5:50 "Santa is guilty of nothing" Santa Claus is definitely guilty of B&E at least, and I'd like to get a look at his employees work conditions, what's their wages look like and is their an insurance package, if the elves get an injury from making something, where they gonna go? Do they go to an Doctor employed by Santa who would tell them their contracted Tinseled Lung had nothing to do with Tinseltown construction detail, or are they covered to see a private doctor, and what about the elves living conditions, all that coal Santa gives to bad kids, hope he didn't take it from the elves side of the stockpile.

[@PenguinVideoStore]

Amazing, Eric Roberts in this movie looks like the spitting image of John Kricfalusi. It added a whole new level of tension to this movie's story.

[@DarthAzabrush]

To be fair that University Lecturer was a Hell of a lot more sober than most of mine... maybe stoned lecturers are a British thing... or a Classics thing... or a British Classics thing...

[@kenthuang436]

The explanation of the black belt is totally wrong. The black belt doesn’t represent greatness. It represents knowledge and with that knowledge the wearer will be able to teach others what he knows. And the knowledge is always growing which is why the belt is actually a midnight blue color as you can always add to it where a completely black belt means nothing else can be added or learned which is not true as we are always learning something new. Any practitioner of any branch of martial arts can tell you this. The writer just made stuff up about the belt colors.

[@kenthuang436]

Also that kid didn’t earn his black belt. It’s impossible to get a black belt in less than year.

[@M567dk]

I never thought there would be a film that makes me question my viewing choices, but now there is. I have to say I have never been more confused about what this film is actually about than ever. I mean just Wow true insanity film right here.

[@MiXVoy]

So this was the sixth Karate Kid movie

[@luismarioguerrerosanchez4747]

And I thought four was bad.

[@JanetStarChild]

@@luismarioguerrerosanchez4747 The fourth one with Hilary Swank is not that bad, if we're being totally honest. It's the remake with Jaden Smith that sucks balls.

FunkYeah The remake doesn’t suck. It’s just popular to crap on Jaden Smith. Where they messed up was not calling it “Kung Fu Kid” like they did elsewhere.

[@ThatRandomEncounterGuy]

No thanks; I'll stick with Cobra Kai.

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

Karate Kid III was quite bad too.

[@wingsandash]

Honestly, I don't know how Eric Roberts does it. Yes, he does it for the money, but he's a great actor and deserves so much more than the bottom-of-the-barrel roles he's mainly getting.

[@Xetelian]

The two things I associate with Christmas, lights and Karate.

[@Godzilla52]

David DeCoteau vision sounds like pure nightmare fuel.

[@jasa_TheRealOne]

I know anything can be made. But did these people ever consider if they should?

[@Jaytheradical]

At the end of the movie, when it cuts to black, I half expected it to cut to Crazy Fat Ethel waking up on the couch.

[@DrakeKnight99]

The only way this could've worked is if the husband had amnesia and stumbled out of the theater and got lost starting a new life elsewhere

[@Epipon3]

As dumb, weird and crap as The Life Zone was, that movie at least had better looking cinematography? This really does look like “A Talking Cat vision”.

[@ShadowAkatora]

You know what would be a real Karate Christmas miracle? If we got to check in on what Kung Tai Ted's up to nowadays.

[@diegocella6791]

For some added fun go and read Ken del Vecchio IMDB bio, priceless!

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

Some crazy stuff happened to him?

[@DrewKW96]

So the dad's soul was trapped inside the board and the son freed him by breaking it? What?

[@TheVgrey]

Need more kung taii ted in my live

[@DLviewer2]

This movie is easier to watch with applesauce shots.

[@Артём-х8ф]

And here I was expecting a karatesploitation Christmas movie. How naive I was... then again, it’s still a great review as usual!

[@rush1er]

HELL YEAH!! Brad this was one of your BEST episodes! Funny shit from you and this fuck-all of a movie.

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

To be fair, a Christmas movie with a killer clown it's a neat idea.

[@wjzav1971]

Never was I so convinced that the entire cast and crew where high on drugs while making this.

[@mgrzx3367]

"Salt and sand are hazardous waste to Frosty." Salt melts ice, sand on ice is helpful for traction. What?!

[@cherrybombstudios1671]

It’s 11 months after this video has gone up. I’ve apparently both watched and liked it. But I have zero memory of any of this.

[@AlexSpalex1]

Are you going to do a Cinema Snob on Joker's Poltergeist now?

[@RhymeswithSpecialNeeds]

The Dad was hanging out with Paul from Friday The 13th Part 2

[@UlshaRS]

Wait so Onision was cribbing off THIS movie for influence for his latest inceltastic book. Makes sense.

[@macuna1995]

From now on, I will use the phrase "Well... Okay." when I watch a really confusing movie.

[@firebladetenn6633]

I’m gonna make a movie revolving around teletubi type children’s aliens, who casually insult each other over the most forced dialogue I can think of, insert cenobite knockoffs into the movie at random, and in between meat hookings, and hellfire sessions, go into long, preachy monologues about saving the environment, and the evils of eating lamb and veal. Maybe then, I could have at least as much success as this dude had, giving tag lines like “This movie has a dangerous message nobody wants you to see!”

[@Katherine_The_Okay]

Any dojo that gives a kid a blackbelt after only one year is a complete waste of a parent's money. (Am I missing the point of the movie? I feel like I'm missing the point of the movie...)

[@bthsr7113]

That's a more useful takeaway than anything it deliberately said.

[@Katherine_The_Okay]

@@bthsr7113 Sometimes I think that directors are handed a shitty script (usually from a decent writer saddled with a buttload of studio interference), read it and then decide to sneak in a stealth moral just for the funsies. This is definitely one of those cases.

[@kenthuang436]

Actually you’re right. No dojo just hands out belts to those who don’t earn it. If you have a selfish reason for wanting to be a black belt, you automatically fail because you don’t deserve it at all. No martial arts instructor will give someone a black belt if they think it will make others respect and fear them, give them permission to just start beating up people, or thinking it will solve their problems. The little brat automatically became a complete loser in my books the moment he was just handed that black belt without him earning or deserving it. He’s a waste of valuable training time that could have been spent on someone actually willing to learn martial arts because they genuinely want to learn and not take classes only for their own ego and selfish wants and desires.

[@thehorrorhound6575]

God why does this kid deliver his lines like he’s a robot who got rejected from the chess club

[@panbat2367]

As soon as I found out who was behind this movie, I once again found myself having an existential crisis.

[@thedude5295]

Snob's right about the Orange Belt. That's as far as I've ever made it, and 30 years later I still have that same 2x4 up my ass.

[@YCCCm7]

Am I the only one who thought that the thumbnail was dabbing for a second?

[@syntaxerror9994]

"Close enough" - Casting director

[@javi__...]

I like how the karate kid just took up karate and is headed for a black belt months away. What a prodigy. I think that would be the more interesting movie.

[@kenthuang436]

No. That kid is a complete disgrace to all black belts. Just because someone hands it to you doesn’t necessarily mean you earned or deserve it. He was made a black belt out of pity. I could go out and buy medical scrubs and surgical tools but that wouldn’t make me a surgeon.

[@Tareltonlives]

This isn't QUITE as insane as Saving Christmas, but I think it's the only film I've seen you feature coming that close. Wow.

[@Tareltonlives]

Love the Kung Tai Ted cameo

[@AICabal]

Good review Bradicon.

[@Jezzikah287]

8:06 Mandy Bruno Bogue!? You were on Guiding Light.

[@joeyjojoshabadoo2508]

That's the best title for anything everw

[@Seanatonin]

Sweep the Snark, Snob.