a little life by hanya yanagihara (...and why i will never read it)

[@venlagrau]

I read this book because it was so hyped, because so many booktubers recommended it, and I regret it so much. As a victim of some of the things that were described in this book i started to heavily dissociate from reading this. This book seriously disturbed my own healing process and made me feel very bad about myself. I’m in a way better place now thanks to therapy, and I’m so glad that people are talking about this book critically.

[@alexandraramz]

I think people should definitely consider the influence they might have on their audience before adamantly recommending a book that could be potentially harmful for readers. It's so important to consider different perspectives of the books we share our thoughts on online, especially when the books cover a wide range of potentially triggering subjects. I'm sorry that you had such a poor experience reading 'a little life', and I'm glad to hear that you are back on track with your recovery. Good luck!💕

[@laobozu549]

And to think yanagihara believes therapy to be of no use when it clearly has helped and will continue to people who has gone through trauma. I feel like she believes once you have been "broken" to a certain level there's no way of coming back from it, which is so much of a harmful message I despise it, because what if a reader in a difficult place really starts thinking like this because of her writings ? I'm sorry you had to go through that. Marketing will never stop disappointing me. I'm very glad you are doing better.

[@allisonpaiges]

totally agree that the haphazard "everyone MUST read this" recommendations posing it as just another reading challenge is not not not good proud of you for setting your reading boundaries! queen of self care

[@alexandraramz]

Absolutely!!! Context really matters when recommending a book or giving it the title of "Must Read"... Thank you ☺💞

[@mcp0y3]

Honestly, as someone that did read the book and listening to your review of a book you did not read, you hit every single spot so well. You do not need to read the book to see what a lot of people see in this book. You hit every single point very perfectly.

[@alexandraramz]

I'm glad that you enjoyed the review, and I'm sorry the book negatively affected you that way

[@readingaster]

you are so right for this and i wish i'd been this wise. my rating goes down every time i think about this book because in hindsight is seems all the more pointless and it just makes me viscerally angry jfkdjfjdk i didnt even know her hot takes on therapy yet and her obsession with gay men because the men were just randomly gay with absolutely no preamble in this one and while i was reading their instant relationship was the first thing that made me roll my eyes. anyways i think it's finally made its way to the honorable one star lol people need to stop acting like this book is mandatory reading

[@alexandraramz]

my sister said the same!!! her rating went from a 4 bordering on 5 to a one within a few months. I can understand if people have a connection to the book, I'm not one to judge how people feel about what they read. But I am fully not okay with some of the things the author has said about her characters and about mental illness etc. It is also definitely a concern that people refer to it as a MUST read..... because I don't have the stomach for that and not in the mood to support the author and her ~opinions~

[@alexandraramz]

also the fact that her friend who she dedicated the book to was like .........girl you need to see someone....... lol

[@readingaster]

@@alexandraramz HFJSHXJS thats actually so funny

[@readingaster]

@@alexandraramz its like when youre in it its the best thing ever because it is quite well written and it surely drags you along and makes you feel stuff but then when its over its like ok but what was this all for??? the memory of reading it is just a dark cloud of a haze now jcjsbxn

[@alexandraramz]

@@readingaster 💀💀

[@Orange_684]

THANK YOU!!! I feel like you went straight into my mind and dug out all the things I was thinking about this book! I’m so glad I found someone who despises this book as much as I do!

[@alexandraramz]

Hahaha I'm not sure I can say I despise the book without having read it, but I am glad my words and thoughts could resonate with you!☺

[@sophieesther]

I read it. it hits after you put it down and you're like woah how emotional but then you realize the pointlessness and toxicity of it all.

[@emmamccrea4599]

If you Google it the TW list is no joke 21 things long. No thanks I'm good. Don't need to relive that trauma.

[@alexandraramz]

i'm glad you have healthy boundaries with the literature you consume! it's important :)

[@emmamccrea4599]

@@alexandraramz I've had to dnf so many books that I bought because of TikTok, like Girl in Pieces, A Little Life, The Way I Used to Be.

[@jorgeromeu]

This video made me really want to read it… I can agree it’s probably not a good idea for everyone but it got me curious about how a story with a character that never gets better can be told

[@kirstea]

i think this book is wonderful, like i really love it and it made me feel so seen. i think my favourite part of it was the fact jude finds family within friends. when i think of this book i don’t really think of the trauma that jude endured in much detail, i think of the friendship between them and the fact that trauma follows you no matter what but the book allows us to know that no matter what jude is worthy of love. i think that’s what i took away from it. in saying that, i think that the fomo that surrounds it is dangerous and it does have a serious cult following behind it. i think everyone is entitled to not read a book and not feel forced too so i support you supporting your own boundaries and i think you make so many valid points in here and i’m proud of you for posting this 🤍

[@alexandraramz]

I'm glad that this book made you feel seen and you took such a beautiful message from it. that's what matters in the end, to be touched by a story. I think its important to have that kind of reflection in literature. A lot of people have a hard time seeing themselves as worthy or lovable after experiencing trauma, and I think it's such an important message to take from a book that even if your trauma follows you through life you are worthy of the love you find in your friendships etc. I appreciate your perspective and your support Kirsty!! I love that we can have different reading preferences (except when it comes to Eileen by Moshfegh *cough*) and learn from one another. 💖💞

[@bibliosophie]

I'm in a similar boat -- haven't read and have no desire to do so. I understand why people are really moved by it, why it's important (although only to some extent -- I agree with you that there's a lot of fomo/you MUST read if you are a serious reader)... and I think I'll continue to just sit this one out.

[@alexandraramz]

Thank you for sharing your perspective on this! I totally agree, I understand how for many people this was a powerful and moving book for many reasons! We def should be careful with what we refer to as a "must read" though.. Good for you for knowing your reading boundaries

[@madisonpanno703]

This book is not a normal book that you can curl up with and enjoy. Nor is it a book meant for everyone. I think your reaction to this novel, although understandable, is the exact adversary to a book or any art of a challenging nature. If you'd care to read an opinion that is quite directly the opposite of your commentary, just for funsies, I wrote this. --- Pulled from an interview with Hanya, "I think [therapy] is like religion - it’s helped a number of people and offered solace to a number of people, but it isn’t for me." And from the same article, "Unlike so many other works, Jude has no redeemer, and as a reader, you can’t help but wonder about the author’s role in creating a character so doomed from the beginning, and what lessons she wishes to impart. 'I want them [the reader] to think about this idea of happiness and whether it is achievable and how intolerant we are about people who can’t seem to find it. I want them to think about how much of life is in our control and whether we can help repair people. I want them to think about if there’s a point in which a life becomes unliveable.'" Your choice to not read this novel is your own, and it is completely valid and fair, and it is understandable even to an extent. But to make a commentary about the manipulative nature of a book you've yet to read also feels ludicrous. The thematic nature of this book is extremely challenging, and the content is certainly graphic. But so was this man's life. And that's the point of this book. In reality, someone with a childhood like Jude's and with little to no support system shoved into our society is very unlikely to fully recover. And this isn't pessimism, it's realism. In your commentary you said "as if there are people who can't heal from their trauma" in a very matter a fact way that it was untrue, but it's just the opposite. Many people do not recover from these situations, and especially ones as deeply traumatic as Jude's. This is a piece of art that challenges our stigma as a society that everyone has to get better, that everyone will get better, and that stories should only show a redemption arch for people who experience the types of things in life Jude does. This book is a hard pill to swallow, because we do not as a society want to have the conversations about the themes and questions posed in this book. This book's thematic purpose is redemption- can we always attain it? It is about compassion- why does the world seem to lack it? It is about a man of consistent nature, one that he has never broken from, and as Hanya says, it leads to his demise in the end. But that is just characterization- not a commentary on whether or not he was deserving of getting better and her intentions with him as a person. And that's why this book hurts so bad- and I believe it is the beauty of it. We know Jude deserves to get better. Jude has loving friends, a successful career, and even is adopted by someone who sees in him what he is truly worth. He breaks down his walls with Willem and Harold and Julia and Andy and he does have long chapters of peace (although always riddled by his psyche). We see Jude's beauty and his incredible nature, his intelligence and wisdom and how as a child he was so compassionate and trusting. The only person stopping Jude from getting better is himself. We want him to get better just as his friends and Harold and Andy do, because we see something in him that he's unable to see in himself. But the reader is equally as unable to truly help Jude as those in his real life. Because as Hanya challenges, some people do not seek happiness in life. Of course as a survivor of trauma we do not blame Jude for this adapted mindset or for the things he does to himself. But some people live lives like Jude's where they just survive- they do not live. We place those people mentally on the same level as we place ourselves, and it is why all of the characters are so outraged about Jude's behavior- not compassionate towards it or understanding of why he does what he does. This book forces us to accept that some people do not recover, that some people live lives under the microscope of evil, that some people are subject to an almost indisputable doom the way that Jude was. I understand why someone may be so traumatized by the nature of this book- and I myself even though a huge fan skimmed through certain pages- but the truth of the matter is we remember this story so well because it's realistic, and these things can and do really happen to people. Every next horrible point in Jude's life makes sense because of his experience as a person and how he's learned to cope. It enrages us with how the world could let something like this happen to someone, and people hate this book because what has happened to Jude feels unfair. This book awakens our awareness to how horrible and graphic and terrible some parts of our world are, but we can't blame an artist for how broken everything else around us is or for how graphic the truth of the matter really is. They're just depicting our reality in ways for us to challenge, to talk about, to hate maybe even. But critics who call this trauma porn ignore the point of this book being as intense as it is. A Little Life it is about the philosophical questions in a book like this- about what we do to other humans, about how we cope, about how someone who has a life as successful as Jude's in some ways can be so damaged in others, and our reactions as people towards the choices that people who have lives like Jude's make. So I understand your choice to not want to read this book, to not be devastated by it, but to conclude your review with a quote about it's pointless misery just shows a lack of understanding for the reasoning behind it. It just feels harsh to talk about the author's intentions being malice or to say the book is not good when in reality you've yet to experience the book or the true point of it- becoming so emotionally attached to someone you know you can not help, just like Andy, and Harold, and Willem. (I do agree ofc and whole heartedly that the fomo culture and the "must read" elements are horrible and that many people should not read this book. But it isn't because of Yanagihara as an author- rather the individual's capacity to handle something of this nature. Feel free to disagree here on everything ofc as well, I just love this book and honestly had fun writing this counterpoint in the same way I'm sure you enjoyed making the commentary.)

[@alexandraramz]

As I stated in my description and in my video, I understand that there are limitations to what I can say about this book. I also understand why there are people that love this book and connect with it, and I think that's great! It can be hard to be a survivor of trauma and find a relatable story, as this book did for so many. Also, to note, I did not say that the book is not good. I repeatedly said that I cannot make any comment on how good or not good the book is, just like I can't tell people why they should or should not like a book. There are plenty of books I adore that people don't like or will never read. And that's okay. My desire not to read this book is heavily influenced by Hanya Yanagihara's behavior with regards to her constant depiction of gay men (or men-loving men) that are in the hands of constant suffering as well as her attempt to draw sympathy for pedophiles in a very specific light. I have spoken to very many people that ADORED this book, and shared with me their perspective of the story, as well as their opinions on Yanagihara and things she has said about the reason behind the trauma (which she says she did NO research on) depicted in this book. My quote was drawn from someone who did enjoy the characters in the story and loved Yanagihara's writing but found that the book brought her pointless misery. That's her opinion from having read the book. Not mine. As for making judgement on the author and her intended (or unintended malice) that is up for debate. This is my own perspective based on interviews I have read, considering direct quotes from the author. I think it is important to questions author's intensions for the story and pay attention to authors we choose to support or celebrate.

[@jorb1903]

This comment is complete bullshit and here's why. Do you know anyone that has experienced an ounce of what Jude has? I have, and I know people that have gotten staggeringly close to it. And these people are capable of recovery and I've seen it first hand. I've also seen them not make it. For an author that doesn't know shit about the subject or know anyone that has experienced it, yes its manipulative and downright fucked up to right a book based on a made up philosophy about people not getting better. Not a single speck of research went into this novel as she proudly declares. She's not a realist, and she's more than a pessimist, she's an ignorant unrealistic pessimist. So talk to more people maybe. I know this comes across as aggressive but I know so many people who have been told that their cases are "so bad" and that they "can't be fixed" and this shit is genuinely disgusting

[@transchilles]

this is probably my favorite book rn, mainly bc i love the characters so much they mean so so much to me. and hanya basically writing trauma porn sucks to actual victims that go through this stuff. for example ive seen many victims that love this book say that they hate when people describe this as trauma porn bc people go through this stuff in real life but unfortunately that’s how she purposely wrote it and that’s how she wants people to see it. and i feel it makes victims seem like their trauma is too much for people? hopefully this makes sense, i love ur video!

[@alexandraramz]

i totally get what you mean! what i meant by trauma porn is not that the trauma experiences is impossible, just that the author wrote it in an almost gratuitous way. or at least, from what i’ve read and heard from her interviews, that’s what i understand. thanks so much for watching, im glad you enjoyed ☺️

[@cheshirethehatter3]

Fantastic video! As someone who also hasn’t read the book, I found I really related to your views on the book and you nailed it!

[@alexandraramz]

I'm glad you enjoyed the video :)

[@alexandraramz]

have you read ‘a little life’? what did you think?

[@js66613]

This book definitely strikes as manipulative: so much trauma suggests that the author wanted cheap sympathy. A cheap shortcut to trying to make her audience understand her point of view. And worst of all, the author herself admits that she herself didn't shed a tear and considers those who did "pussies". This to me, tells me that she feels no sympathy nor empathy and wanted to just use a person of a different gender, orientation and race to hers just so she could make her case of "sometimes people are too broken", but who is she to decide that? There is not the slightest suggestion that she has had any similar experiences and she herself admits to having done no research. I suspect she simply read a lot of angst books and decided to out do them by making her characters go through even more trauma. I don't think people are necessarily in the wrong for considering suicide, by the way, and I don't think therapy will work for everyone, because I KNOW it hasn't worked for some people - some people are treatment resistant, and it would be dismissive to claim that they should just get therapy and it'll get better -, I just think Hanya is not the person who should tell such a nuanced, complicated and dark story of a gay man's life, especially considering she has hot takes such as men having a more limited emotional palette. The authorial intent comes through the cracks and is hard to ignore if you've taken time to know the author and their BS. There is no excuse she can give, no defence the audience can give, for the fact that she seems to specifically choose to write books about groups of people she doesn't know and hasn't cared to do the research for, and while I understand that traumatic scenes can cause strong emotional responses in audiences I do not think that this alone makes a good book, nor should it cloud your ability to look at a book more critically. Especially if you're trying to sell the book as a "must read", or "one of the saddest books", or some "great gay novel". You would also think that, oh, I don't know, the best gay novels would be written by gays? Because they have the experiences to back it up? Maybe we should give them the spotlight instead?

[@sabornisaha8962]

This is such a good argument! I feel like printing it and posting it on my wall for those who ask me about this book.

[@mollymccreedy6998]

I read this book without really knowing a lot about it. It was an absolute journey; I had to take a lot of time away from the book. This being said, I absolutely would not recommend this book to just anyone, and the fomo culture around this book is really dangerous. Whether someone reads this book or not, this review touched on so many important issues. I deeply appreciate the research that you did prior to making this review and I wish I had found it before reading it. The points about being in a reading slump afterwards is 100% what I experienced, and I've completely moved away from the genre to protect myself. If anyone takes anything away from this review, these comments, and other reviews, it should be to think really carefully about whether this is a book you want to read. You don't have to nor are you obligated to do.

[@susanburgess820]

Will never ever read any of this author's books. Wow. Just wow❤❤

[@claricecc.33]

I read half of this book and hated it...aside from the heaviness of the content, I just found it to be extremely uninteresting. But also it was just extremely triggering, it kind of felt like trauma porn to me?

[@alexandraramz]

I'm sorry you had a negative experience with the book! Good for you for recognizing your boundaries and putting it down when it got to be too much

[@Cuyt24]

triggering? Grow up!!!

[@ДДД-ч9ш]

@@Cuyt24 maybe you should stop saying people to grow up and start being kinder to traumatized people

[@Cuyt24]

@@ДДД-ч9ш No

[@galeweathers2627]

This book was on my TBR but I might cross it off now after your video. I really enjoy disturbing books but they always lose me when it gets too unbelievable. that is when they become more comical than disturbing or rather upsetting as you said in your video. I was always wondering why this had to be a gay man in her story... he's also differently abled. it is so sad that she sets out to write a character that she wants to torture to the maximum and then also chooses to makes him differently abled and queer. i myself am also both of these things and I find it a bit sad that when she thinks of a wretched pitiful creature of a person she thinks of a differently abled gay man. i feel very attacked hahaha experiences of abuse are also very common for men that sleep with men yet they are usually way more subtle than what is allegedly represented in this story. reading this book would probably wreck me immensely because I had to accept some abuse in the past and the story would probably spark new fears in my mind. it has been difficult enough opening up as it is. if she doesn't believe in therapy then she probably should not intentionally scar the psyche of readers. according to her they will never recover right? how reckless...

[@alexandraramz]

I was curious about this story for a long time especially since so many people deem it a "must read" and I know so many readers who loved it. However, the more I looked into it, the more the author began to deeply unsettle me and her reasons for her stories and her characters seem to be questionable at best.

[@redtaperecorder1]

It sounds like the author decided to rewrite the Bible book of Job where he actually takes the advice of his wife to curse God and die. A literary exercise in total nihilism.

[@elleserbn9543]

As someone who has read the entire book, GOOD FOR YOU. I WISH I could get my time and money back that this book wasted. I would not let anyone read it, it's absolutely terrible. I think Olivia's Catastrophe explained the issues best and honestly, it IS a super irresponsible book that is hopelessly uneducated and ignorant. I have no issue with trauma porn or ruining a character's life if there is some purpose, like Shakespeare tragedies aren't bad, I get it But this flaming pile of garbage is 800+ pages of useless filler that some careless writer EARNED MONEY FROM I applaud you for making the right choice and I am so ashamed of the awards it got because those "awards" were the only defense I thought we had from FOMO effect or mob mentality when it comes to a book that's trending :(

[@mcp0y3]

I HATED this boook bc it was literally just trauma after trauma after trauma it was excessive and i hated it. Did not cry i got more angry.

[@sil829]

I regret picking it up but not because what Jude goes through and what happens to him it’s because a lot of it was boring to me. I would question the story like what time is it set in? What doctor has this time? What church still does this? So yeah i couldn’t enjoy it because I had many questions.

[@alexandraramz]

Fair enough! I heard a lot of people who read it felt similarly to you. I'm sorry you put time in a book that you didn't end up enjoying very much

[@sil829]

Just wasn’t for me. When I started reading it I put tabs because it had a lot of good quotable moments. But then before I got half way I lost interest. And I picked this up because I was looking for something new to read.

[@FragrantVenerations]

Thank you 🙏. This book is problematic in so many ways it's tiring😅... Can't even begin to unpack, but the interviews with the writer tell A LOT, lemme just put it that way... At moments its almost like a fetishising text for sado-masochist voyers.... And furthermore the writer proudly w/o any shame announces that she made ZERO research before making a 1000 page book about the struggles of a disabled person, an asexual person, several gay characters...black characters....SA survivors.... While she herself is NONE of those things 😅..... the Jude character is basically like an empty vessel for her projections about disabled ppl. Zero personality beyond the pain. Seriously? I'm just waiting for more decent reviews.... Don't believe the hype ppl! Use your time for way better words than this brick of bull.

[@walkernickel4017]

The more I hear about this book the more I’m reminded of Gaspar Noé and his film Irreversible specifically, where the point of the work has nothing to do with a real honest engagement with or examination of traumatic disturbing real life events and is all about a terrible exercise in shock-art. Transgressive art should still have some sort of unifying principle beyond pure nihilism, and I take it as a sign of gross unexamined priveliege to simply lash out at the world needlessly with something so profoundly upsetting seemingly just to get as strong a reaction as possible from an audience. It’s irresponsible, it’s cruel, and it’s lazy art. Even if Noé is a talented filmmaker (he is) and even if Yanagihara is a talented writer (she sure seems to be), nothing excuses this type of needlessly cruel and traumatizing art that aggrandizes the sheer force and weight of the worst things human beings go through. It’s just meant to make you ooh and aah at how profoundly fucked up it is and then tell you to give up just as its characters do (or should). It’s not raising awareness about an issue or tragedy, it’s not educational, it’s trauma porn. And to make that type of media, again, REEKS of privilege, misanthropy, and entitlement.

[@nayavalverde1775]

I'm sorry, but since you haven't read the book, unfortunately I can't take your opinion seriously. It's really cool to point out arguments honestly and not a conclusion drawn from other people's experience. And anyway, all fiction is manipulative. Please don't think I'm here to spread the hate, I really love your videos.

[@alexandraramz]

I'm glad to hear you love my videos! As I said, my opinions are based on what I've read of the book, what the author has said, and what people have shared with me. I'm not saying people should or should not read it, or that they should or should not like it. I am just expressing my personal thoughts (and boundaries!) with regards to the subject of the book and how the author chose to approach it. And this is why I, personally, will not read the book. My reasons for not wanting to indulge in the story were backed by extensive research, including that of people's experiences (which, as a scientist, I know conclusions CAN be drawn from other people's assessments). I disagree that all fiction is manipulative, especially considering the connotation of the word. Is fiction meant to draw readers into the story? Convince us to love or loath a character? Draw out feelings and emotions? In most cases, the answers to all these is yes, absolutely! However, there is a difference in wanting to turn up the violence of a book "too high". That, to me, is manipulation. There is a difference between creating an emotional story vs. causing physical upset. Many people have been traumatized by this book and the author has made some odd remarks with regards to the "reaction" she wanted to draw from it. As I repeatedly said in my video, I have not read the books and I cannot definitively say anything about it being trauma porn, etc. However, I can criticize the author's intentions and suggest she has created a manipulative story, based on her own words in interviews.

[@paolall9213]

its in my tbr for july

[@alexandraramz]

Good luck, if you get around to it! I hope you can gain something positive from the story like some other people i know! ☺

[@cristinasempereneira245]

Dammit… you forgot the spoiler warning 😅😢

[@alexandraramz]

I added spoiler warnings at the bottom of the screen to allow viewers skip through them. I’m sorry you missed them :(( didn’t mean to spoil the book for anyone!

[@cristinasempereneira245]

@@alexandraramz definitely missed them… my fault then!

[@junfredpactol5970]

Your so beautiful

[@simongroves7178]

You haven't read it, so how can you possibly have a proper opinion on it?

[@alexandraramz]

I clearly stated that this is not a review of the book and I can't properly provide insight on the story or the writing itself as I had not read it. I did however say that this is a criticism of the author and what she had said about her own book regarding the content, while also speaking about the perspectives of folks that have read the book (whether or not they liked it or if it had a positive or negative impact on them). People can have any opinion they want on any book. I am one person and what I say doesn't have almost any impact on the story or who decided they want to read it. This is my personal perspective on the book, of someone who wanted to read it for a while, and why I ultimately decided against it.

[@simongroves7178]

@@alexandraramz, it's such a ridiculous view point to take....you certainly can't have a view based only on reviews. Utter nonsense

[@alexandraramz]

@@simongroves7178 last i checked, i certainly can have a view on anything i want. clearly you didn't read what i said or watched the video at all! but that's okay, hope you have a wonderful day :)