A Narcissist's Greatest Con Job

True to the nature of con artists, narcissists want to draw you into their confidences, only for you to learn that there are minimal gains in store for you. Dr. Les Carter describes how essential it is to spot the signs indicating that you are being played.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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[@Mehmet-rw9bu]

They exploit you and then blame you for not doing enough for them. Playing the victim all the time is one of their biggest and most malicious lies.

[@ingridferg9779]

Exactly. I get very nervous when my 19 year old starts being 'nice ' to me. I know it's a manipulation. She warms me up, then tries to get her way about something she wants, or somewhere she wants to go . If I don't give in, then the mask comes off and I get the sighs, sulks and drama.

[@sage9836]

And if they do you a favor . . .

[@Mehmet-rw9bu]

@@Yatukih_001 Sorry, I usually don't follow news. Never heard of him 😉

[@warriormom5843]

THIS THIS THIS!!!

[@sandyhenry3238]

❤

[@bongofury333]

Quote I read: Once you catch a narcissist cheating they never trust you again...

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Great way of explaining it!!

[@kiki19822]

A thief always thinks someone is stealing from them.

[@joann5465]

Absolutely!!! Experienced this first hand.

[@AnnePerkins-po5jo]

@@kiki19822 Yes, in the dog-eat-dog world of the narc, they want to make sure they get in first.

[@aungar2403]

Projection!

[@nancytwigg4631]

All we victims were: duped, conned, fooled, taken advantage of, used, played, devalued, gas-lit, trivialized, raged at, shut-down, soul-stolen, value robbed, lied to, gamed, love bombed, manipulated, dominated, blamed, shamed, silenced, given silent treatment, discarded, and dispended with, sold false goods and devalued. Yep, we all entered onto the field of fools in a game we never-ever wanted to play. Now, we know what we endured. We are people of peace! D-R-C is the only direction to go.

[@nancytwigg4631]

Thanks, Dr. C. As always, so helpful and so accurate.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

❤❤❤❤❤❤🖖🏻🖖🏻

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

#TeamHealthy

[@kdevinturner8778]

A game we could never win. Great comment. Could not have written it better myself.

[@warriormom5843]

Perfectly stated, Nancy!! All of THIS!!

[@skinnyway]

a narcissist is as shallow as a dried up pond but they portray themselves as mysterious and all knowing.

[@roxymovie3938]

🎯 Exactly!!!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

True 👍

[@sage9836]

I found their mysterious act so amazing at first, and then to find out it's a mess of crummy secrets.

[@AnnePerkins-po5jo]

Smoke and mirrors indeed!

[@carolnahigian9518]

they are Empty; angry, & jealous of everyone. No team spirit.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

Being conned is the fastest way to make a person feel foolish and ashamed. You never see it coming because you wouldn't con a person that way. Lessons learned Dr.C.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

What you say is true. But, try not to let whatever happened hinder you from being a nice person. I think it's about finding balance. Carry on being a nice person at the same time as being vigilant. Take care 🙏❣️

[@patriciahboston3547]

Yes, it is so disturbing to be conned and listening to some of the scammer podcasts helped me understand that this seems to be a universal response, but why do we blame ourselves?

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

It is a good question. The truth is that no one ever wants to appear foolish. That's why cons work.@@patriciahboston3547

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

I try hard to make everyone feel as comfortable and special as possible. It is absolutely exhausting to be an empath receiving covert narcissistic abuse while being nice to everyone but yourself. ☹☹☹☹ Oh well.... and 3 bucks will get me on the subway. Excruciating..@@amandaliverpool3374

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@patriciahboston3547 We blame ourselves because we are intelligent people who believe 'I couldn't be fooled' or 'I should have seen it coming'.But, we were gaslit by a wolf in sheep's clothing. It's not our fault ❣️

[@cherobinson6371]

Who else has decided when they meet new People nowadays they are gonna sit back and observe for Signs of Narcissist? Life’s 2 Short 4 wasted time on Narcissistic.

[@ZeeJayEssJay]

🙋🏼‍♀️ Unfortunately, it seems new people show red flags pretty much right away nowadays. So so hard to make new HEALTHY friends! Finding people open to new friendships is harder than ever in our divided atmosphere of suspicion of “others”. Cultivated by the pandemic & government. Isolation, distancing, masks, the 2 sides of the vaccination debates, the vilifying of 1/2 of this country due to politics…ALL these contribute to more closed off humans. Hard to break into their set groups of friends & family. REALLY hard for people who have had to go NC with entire narcissistic families & all their enablers. Like I had to do. Leaves me isolated with few prospects for possibilities to make new friends.

[@CharMinsky]

Me me me. 🙏🏼🕊️😽

[@gobigirl1]

I think having grown up in a not-so-healthy family, I did this unconsciously, part of me would be waiting to see when the secret craziness and secret meanness would begin. I was overjoyed to discover that with some sweet people, they just remained their kind selves, in public and in private!

[@kayalfasi2991]

Hell yeah 😎

[@arizwldcat]

Absolutely! You must learn from these terrible experiences, at the very least.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

My ex-husband conned me into believing that he had a personality!

[@roxymovie3938]

Yes, it's all just smoke & mirrors, not a personality at all, where you thought you could build upon. 😔 Inside a black, empty hole, like a universe in itsself of rotating rotting things that they project onto you. For each individual they create a new persona, but the "old supplies" never really die. At least that's my opinion because I saw so many different persona's in the Sociopath: nearly on every photograph he looked like somebody else, so strange and terrifying. And once he even literally told me, "Sometimes I can recognize 100 different persona's in one person." He must have spoken about himself, a pure projection of his inner chaos. Instead of peace you only got drama.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@roxymovie3938 There was never a day without drama. With him, it wasn't so much taking on different personas. He tried to mirror me completely and try and make me feel awful so I would fade into the background. He TRIED but I got out. Although it was many moons ago I am now making more and more sense of things. Thanks for your ongoing support 🙏 ❤️

[@user-tb5lw9fb7k]

lol...That is so true Amanda. It's all a facade with them.

[@bongofury333]

Hysterical

[@ForestTiefling]

dear Amanda, thanks to your realization there now is coffee snot all over my desk! (but worth it, deffo!!!)

[@Denise00700]

If you don’t play the narcissists game, they threaten to take away the things you care about…your children, family, friends, food, shelter, transportation, job, etc.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

They are all about control and power.

[@matteopapaiz]

"And in the end you are expendable" so painful to hear that but so true.

[@Jess-kn8vl]

You are but when that time comes boogie and block and dont let them back in. Its so much easier when they make the choice to leave, but often try to come back at any length of time.

[@watcher9997]

Everybody loves to help; Nobody wants to be taken advantage of.

[@kdevinturner8778]

Worst part is they take advantage of well-intentioned people. I studied mother narc my whole life until her death. Please don't say "I am sorry for your loss". I am not sorry. Narcissists are progressively eviler as time goes by until the end. It is like real life "invasion of the Body Snatchers". If not for Dr. C. and Gus, I don't know where my head would be. Thank you Dr. C. Still very angry, but healing.

[@warriormom5843]

Same story, and then what do I wind up doing--marrying a worse one in the form of a pseudo-husband!! Staying in my lane, doing me, STILL HORRIBLY ANGRY but working my way toward peace, and finding my happy. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@NerdsWorldNYC]

My late narc mother. When she died,folks were saying oh she was such a nice woman. Me spinning my damn head like I'm in The Exorcist movie...😅😅😅

[@warriormom5843]

@@NerdsWorldNYC curious if she bought people’s loyalty with expensive things? Cuz THAT would be my evil beast MIL!!

[@danielkaiser8971]

@warriormom5843 It sounds like you're describing bribery. My own mother is similar, she has always, always, always found some way to destroy the gift-giving process. Whether it be giving something she knew the recipient would hate after priming others into believing the recipient would love the gift, or giving a gift that she once used and now doesn't work properly, or buying a gift at a thrift store for the recipient while buying and wearing/displaying a brand new version of the same type gift in person when giving the gift, or by ruining the experience in private so that the recipient feels miserable when opening the gift in front of family who don't know anything is wrong. And if the gift is between two other people, she will socially intrude somehow to interfere with the whole thing. It has never been so much about "loyalty" for my own mother, it has been about manipulating the situation so that the other person is in a double-bind, suffering when they would normally be happy to receive a gift, and obligated before onlookers who are unaware something is wrong to express gratitude through the misery she caused somehow.

[@warriormom5843]

@@danielkaiser8971 yes, Daniel! All of this and MORE!! How’s about announcing in front of others (exactly to the dollar) HOW MUCH the gift cost -OR- worse still, and I promise I’m not exaggerating-buying 10-12 of THE EXACT SAME GIFT, including for herself, which YES, shes ALREADY WEARING-and handing whatever it is out to ALL family members including CHILDREN, and your special day becomes just one of the bunch, like any other day. And what deal did she get-buy 10, get 2 free??? She’s such a “reverse whore!” And HOLY HELL if you should decline the gift, falsely stating that “it’s too much,” that’s when THE LOOK THAT COULD KILL, gets unleashed. “DENY MEEEEEEE????” YES!! Evil does exist, in the form of old shriveled pathetic vulnerable narcissistic shapeshifters! Thank you for all of your great detail!

[@roxymovie3938]

The code of the con is to know just enough about everything so you can lie about anything. (attrib: E. Tancarville)

[@realitywinner7582]

spot on !

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So true!!

[@sage9836]

That's a great quote!

[@yukio_saito]

I got blamed or gaslighted when I pointed out their superficial understanding 😆😅

[@MegDD3912]

Greatest trick the devil ever played was to convince the world he didn't exist

[@realitywinner7582]

now you said it ! God Bless 🙂

[@Dosser810]

Con artist and gaslighting sums it up!

[@Hatbox948]

My ex narc conned me. He acted so amiable and pleasant at first, but he isn't. He's high strung, inconsiderate, prone to outbursts, etc. Little by little insults began, demands made, criticism unleashed, etc. I never knew what hit me, just that I had no peace and life was no longer fun.

[@sarilnn1603]

Content is on point. Being ”spiritually empty", allows them to be dismissive and contemptuous with ease.

[@secondhorizon]

Simply getting others to believe them about anything ever.

[@AthenaVelecta]

Narcissist have the desperate need to be needed. They don't want your love, they want to convince you that you cannot function without them and they call that love. Love says I want you. I cannot function/survive without you is obsession. They want you to be obsessed with them. They cannot stand people who do not need them who can function just fine without them, the idea that people who can function without them even exist is insulting to them.

[@danielkaiser8971]

Yes that's correct, and I would add that a narcissist's "being needed" is among many tools the narcissist uses to get narcissistic supply which is their prime objective.

[@tjones7547]

EXACTLY!!!!

[@karolemcaninch6495]

I specifically asked my narcissist friend not to record me when i was singing. I play the guitar and sing sometimes. Not that great but fun, creative, and healing for me. But, she recorded me anyway. And that was a big red flag for me. This was my college friend that i told you about. Now since I've let her go, or tried to, she wants to talk. But i told her no.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Listen to what your gut tells you!!

[@swarmiekudro251]

They’ll use your ideas and pass them on as they’re own. If confronted with that, they immediately blame you for needing the attention. Don’t fall for it. You won’t win the argument because they’re experienced at their games, so going forward, share your good ideas with anyone but the Narc! It’s unnatural to those of us who are natural helpers with no hook, but shift your help to others who won’t cause you problems later.

[@jamaalhorton2343]

You can never have a conversation with a victim! Especially a constructed victim!

[@annjohnson8437]

So true. I found out my narcissistic husband was taking credit for my hard work. It made me sick to my stomach that someone I've been with for 29 years would stoop so low. Of course, then I learned about narcissism, and I see him in an entirely new light. I can see how everything has pretty much been about his happiness and comfort. I definitely feel conned.

[@user-yr5hx8tu5m]

For a few months, I spent $250 a session with a therapist who confirmed my suspicions about my parents narcissism. The validation and confidence she instilled in me helped me to move forward. Watching your channel, Dr. C, is my continuing education. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your good work.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased to be on the path with you!

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

❤❤🖖🏻🖖🏻

[@stevec3892]

I’m an expert , my parents were the worst narcissist that ever walked the earth . But never knew what it was until about ten years ago when I studied it . They had the worst marriage but in public always so nice . They always gaslit me and put me down when I confronted them . I have two older sisters who my father never paid attention to but now kiss his ass. Moved away five years ago and never looked back but of course I hear from other people how I’m crazy and all my fault

[@toastiesburned9929]

​@@stevec3892I feel that pain. It's bad enough having one narcissistic parent, let alone 2. Your needs are rarely met, and it comes with stipulations when they are. Love is conditional, and the abuse is justified and framed as if you did it to yourself. There's no one to turn to, no one to safely confide in, and no one to validate your sanity when you're being gaslighted. You turn to extreme measures to meet your emotional needs, or just ignore them altogether.

[@tyremanguitars]

@@stevec3892 that sounds a lot like my parents as well, sad to hear it.

[@elizabethy2912]

I became the Boo Boo to his Yogi Bear, and I was so, so lonely I thought his way was normal. After a few years, I knew it was his way or the highway: his control was extreme. Many years later, I got woke up from my stupor of just accepting his narrative, pretty harshly. It was the best thing bc I had to realize I could NOT FIX our marriage. He never thought, or worked on making our marriage better. He always put the kids first, before our marriage. When I woke up, I realized his " nice" facade, hid such a deep, black, empty soul. It's so damn sad. I thought we'd grow old together, but he was an illusion, and his narcissism screwed our kids up, so badly. He was my family, but I don't go with his program anymore, and when he realized that, he walked away without a backward look. He was committed to HIS way, and changing or addressing all of his trauma issues, was NOT on the menu!! We . Did. Not. Matter. Enough. For that to happen. Narcissism is just a tragedy getting played over and over in way too many families. God Help us all.

[@nikkic4661]

They need someone to fight with because they have dark broken souls. If they couldn't harm anyone they'd eventually shrivel up and die. They crave that narcissistic supply. It's like a drug to them.

[@siriastridkristensen4272]

And it can make me feel so stupid! When I get home and realize, that was me being played! And I didn't get it until afterwards! 😤😤😤 I think I need to not be angry with myself. Thank you🎀 Peace Siri

[@roxymovie3938]

Siri, don"t be angry with yourself, please! It is not your fault being played. I understand you for I often realize the abuse only afterwards. Big hug 🤗 and take some deep breathes..in..and slowly out Roxy 🌸

[@siriastridkristensen4272]

@@roxymovie3938 No. It's not on me to carry the abusers responsibility. So I'm letting that go🎈. Thank you for support. Happy Friday, Roxy.

[@roxymovie3938]

@@siriastridkristensen4272 You are welcome. And thanks to you. Cheers & happy Friday 😊

[@cherobinson6371]

They love it when the can insult you especially with backhanded compliments and you don’t notice at the time. They will use a gentle tone but if u look at them closely You can see the Sarcasm/ Dishonesty

[@user-ws9tb7zt1h]

"Con Artist"...EXCELLENT choice of words💯

[@Irishgirl90586]

I’m relatively new to learning how to deal & heal from dealing with the pain from being constantly taken advantage of by a narc. I’ve foolishly believed showing love, forgiveness, respect,compassion,empathy……..all the things that are right at the core of who I am would change him……well it won’t change him ……but i won’t let it change me either! I just need to learn to move on where people are genuine & who appreciate being real not fake . Deep down I know what I know I have to take my blinders off & stop blaming myself about everything . Sad & struggling….sure I am but I’ll get there .

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'm glad you're committed to learning! #TeamHealthy

[@gengremspring4553]

How about that, I'm an Irish girl too, and very very recently learned my husband is more than likely a covert narcissist. It's jaw-dropping, mind spinning, and soul shattering, ESPECIALLY, like you mentioned, you tried love, forgiveness, empathy, etc...I did too. Keep researching and hopefully you'll find ways to deal with the narc in your life and begin to heal. I only started my journey in September and have 2 decades to grieve...later though, as my children need to be protected. Good luck and big hugs from your new Irish friend. ❤️🍀💪

[@Irishgirl90586]

⁠@@gengremspring4553 Thank you so very much 💚 your words are so very kind . You’ve brought tears to my eyes 😢 to be honest. I genuinely hope the very very best for you & your children also . I don’t know 🤷‍♀️ how on earth you have coped so long , narc’s behaviour can send you round the bend ! I was actually gobsmacked that there were channels pacifically devoted to this topic , I didn’t know this & although it has kind of “Opened up a can of worms “ so to speak because I haven’t wanted to face letting go of something I can’t change & I’m actually not someone who has ever believed in ‘ trying’ to change anyone but it’s a part of my nature I guess to be compassionate supportive….. you know all that stuff 😂😂. Learning to not be taken advantage of is where I’m at I think . Blessings and all the best to you & everyone here that is realising that life is way too short to accept less than what we’re accepting & too short to not be giving all the good stuff we’re learning back to others who need our support 💚💚

[@nicolaoriordan5163]

I left my narc husband in April this year. I felt hollowed out and after the penny dropped and I told him I couldn’t carry on anymore I was fearful that he wouldn’t let me leave him without severe punishment. I’ve been no contact for nearly 6 months and I’m determined to live on team healthy for the rest of my life. I wish everyone who has endured and escaped their mindfluffing nonsense a life of peace and joy. 😊

[@janebraun4482]

This talk is especially good, had to listen twice. They won't listen to your heart, check. They don't seek out your feelings. They don't want to have to hear anything that might reflect in any way on them, or that mean take responsibility.

[@user-iq4jh8jo3o]

Any living being they can diminish and devalue will do. Spouse, friends, children, pets, you name it! And while doing so, the con artist robs some good energy and leaves you shattered and empty. Thanks Dr C for reminding us that a good soul elevates itself by lifting others ❤

[@keywestcatlady]

My Evil Twin fits The Bill

[@danielkaiser8971]

Exactly correct, anyone will do. Although in my experience a narcissist will always prioritize the target who gives the most supply with the least resistance.

[@A.Dajlida]

The con job is the very essence of their pathology. Adding this video to my list of foremost materials.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased that it resonated!

[@hersheybella]

“Honesty is optional” is so true. And they just want control. Great video. Love Gus💕❤💜💕

[@kevingillard5474]

Power & Control, ALWAYS.

[@Pier77Tampa]

Once again, Dr. Les Carter you nailed it, and I can relate. It’s so helpful to know that I’m not alone. It just feels so scary at times to know that they can use any means necessary, including legal means, to intimidate and enforce their supremacy.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it resonated!!

[@caroleminke6116]

Thank goodness for his voice of sanity as well as for Gus & his total disregard for narcissism

[@northstar5919]

The worst thing is while they are doing all that, they are convinced they are right.

[@Pier77Tampa]

@@northstar5919 well said. They won’t pause and reflect over the possibility of being not always right. Unless it’s for their own benefit.

[@Pier77Tampa]

@@caroleminke6116 and for helping us focus on remaining decent individuals rather than playing their own game

[@maggieschroeder9531]

The confidence game is the source of the future fake trickery! See it as soon as possible! Dr. C., There are so many of us who genuinely appreciate you and your team's time and effort in putting together all of these videos and source materials! And of course the company of the therapy dog...Gus. Thank you again.

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

Foolishly met one online. As soon as I was real he hurt me. Empty indeed. All I wanted was a friend to talk with. Definitely no spiritual philosophy. A data collector. A dominator.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

💯💯👍🏻👍🏻

[@timsartistic7328]

I have a Narco Brother and everything you mentioned has happened in our Relationship and sadly when I reflected back over our relationship, the transactional nature of interacting with him was definitely there and once I realized that he had this personality type, I was able to let go of my attachment and loyalty to a person that acts nothing like a brother to me and stop being a narcisstic fill to his games. Every time I invited my Brother out to dinner, he would always invite someone else without my permission and expect me to pay for him and his guest, which was usually a Girlfriend or some admirer who was just there to cheer him on, while I pay for it. Whenever I drive, he always rides in the Rear Seat like I'm his Chauffeur and talks on his phone to his friends like I'm not even in the car. Well, never again! I've caught on to his games and reclaimed my power and I hope that me overcoming my experiences will help others in their journey to healing, wholeness, and happiness again!

[@roxymovie3938]

Doubt is a liar (and at times a rather convincing one) that would have us believe something less of ourselves so that we are kept from being the best of ourselves. (Craig D. Lounsbrough)

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

Thank you!!!! I know many people who attend churches who do not have the fruit of the Spirit, instead they lack empathy and kindness, adhering to their own rules and expecting everyone else to follow their rules that God never gave. Galatians 5:22-23 "22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."

[@cyndim8785]

There are a lot of wolves in sheep’s clothing out there, be careful..

[@Jess-kn8vl]

Unfortunately churches can be run like cults and have self righteous people in them.

[@denicehaley9902]

Amen

[@ek9348]

Well, there are narcs who are helping others… its the motivation that counts: they want the glory and praise as if they are God , helping you 🤢

[@ZeeJayEssJay]

@ek9348 I’ve just learned the term for narcissists who “appear” to be kind & who do things for others…but inwardly are craving the glory only God is worthy of. “Dark Empaths”! Absolutely narcissists. But a different set of tactics to cover up their DARK HEARTS.

[@ZeeJayEssJay]

Scripture says, “Man looks at the outer appearances. But👆🏽GOD looks at the HEART.” (Motives, intentions, thoughts of gain, seeking glory for selves…

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

This is what’s happening with an old college friend I have been making efforts to reconnect with, only to see that they are selfish, rude and uncaring. Not really getting any effort dignity respect or civility from them, so not wasting my time or energy anymore. Thank you ❤

[@nicholasmontalbano81]

My wife left me a note saying she left state with my childre...i would never see them again...had the kids write goodbye notes....to teach me a lesson.....one example of cruelty on a daily bases

[@user-nh2dn9fg7d]

Wow that's next level abuse ... and child abuse too. Sorry you and your children are dealing with this. "Parental alienation" comes to mind--take her to court. Best to you & yours :)

[@gobigirl1]

Yes, I'd take her to court-- or at least file a motion-- I believe this is time-sensitive too, after a certain amount of time passes, if there is no response from you, they can get away with it :( And I know it can be hard to act decisively qhen you are still in the middle of feeling devastated and in disbelief that someone would do these awful things.

[@gobigirl1]

While there are some horrible judges out there, if you have a decent one, they tend to frown on one parent unilaterally and completely removing the children from the other parent.

[@charliebubbles9501]

Sadly of late I have realised that all of my partners were passengers not partners. Took 63 years but I got there.

[@user-cm8mv8fg7h]

Your video always come through with the right message at the right time. I am so grateful I found you. You have helped me get through the hardest times after 28 years

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome

[@juliej1520]

True about the *rage* 😮

[@The-Vintage-Needlecrafter]

Just subscribed, and after almost 40 years with this person. It's been a very hard and sad road. But having channels ,such as yours helps. It's my therapy.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad to join you on the journey!

[@johnruplinger3133]

"Narcissists desperately want to be somebody, wanna explain how life outta be." so true. "They don't trust people." yes. "Promoting themselves as the standard bearer." "They are ultimately empty on the inside.' "Portray you as a nobody." all this so much. ............But, first they believe their own lie. "Spiritually empty" -- yes, empty with respect to God and with others I would say.... Deep down, I have noticed, she hates herself though. It was so frustrating not to be able to help her. "Looking for dominance." It is rebellion and usurpation: the spirit of Jezebel (look her up).

[@aaronkwolfe]

I’d consider my (narcissistic ex) wife’s greatest con to be the counselor she met with for a few weeks, before bringing me into family therapy. I was read the riot act, and then was given a long list of goals to pursue, if I ever wanted this marriage to work. So, I started working on those goals successfully, and we never went back.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Aaron, she must have been a real piece of work!

[@Teacher369]

The therapist sounds… inadequate… as well. 😬

[@aaronkwolfe]

@@Teacher369 A therapist has the hope/expectation that their patient is telling the truth, in order to dispense the appropriate advice. She played him like a fiddle.

[@aaronkwolfe]

@@SurvivingNarcissism oh, she was. Still is, I hear, from some of our adult children. But others are catching on. The kids know, and have gone NC. The HS “best friend” now knows and has abandoned her. Her mother is finding out. Her new live-in sugar daddy will learn soon enough, I reckon. Not my concern any more.

[@t_nels]

That sounds like torture. I suppose she just became more unreasonable as you worked to succeed. 😑

[@michelleharkness7549]

For the record- wishing both you, Gus and your family a pleasant afternoon and as well an amazing 🤩 evening ahead!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Michelle!

[@Zanyelle]

Yes, they appear to be nice or rather sell themselves as such. I stopped giving away vulnerable information. I truly do not know how to be anything other than DRC now. Not sure why I said now lol, I’ve always been a person who is respectful of others and treat others with civility because I believe in integrity and accountability. I’m by no means perfect, can say that and work on doing better when I’m aware of others make me aware, not the narcissistic personalities, others who live by the honour code or moral compass.

[@lorettaenglerth1361]

Con!!! Isn't a big enough word to describe a Narcissists. Using "CON" They are professional, because you really never know who they aren't at any minute.

[@karolemcaninch6495]

I told her to write me a letter, because she always claimed that she was better at expressing herself in written form. But, she keeps insisting that i talk to her. I'm not going to. I know the circular word salad of these individuals, and I'm holding my ground. Thank you for your help.

[@Freespirit435]

I am currently dating a narcissist and I just realized one thing: the narcissistic abuse is a game that takes two people to play. As long as I am not playing a role of a victim I won’t get victimized. Keep asking open questions, be aware of what they do and say. The most common game - emotional swings and cold showers. Be aware when they push you away, that creates adrenaline in your blood and makes you obsessed.

[@Freespirit435]

I confronted him about his suggestion to cool things off and he got bored ;) before, I would just get more obsessed and would not say anything to him. How nice to be aware of their games ;) now I am staying on top of his manipulations. Thank God for this channel! It’s a life saver. Hopefully I’ll get over him and his games very soon.

[@miriam100ful]

can a narcissist still be a con artist at the age of 86? In many ways this narcissist has become nicer, and you get pulled in to think they have changed for the better.

[@danielkaiser8971]

Yes. Someone with a lifetime of narcissistic patterns typically gets worse with age. This includes being even more clever at being a narcissist.

[@Jess-kn8vl]

I think its possible if they get some mild dementia or alzheimers. But not always take caution, those diseases can make personality disorders worse. I seen it working in the medical field, with medication they can kind of become comfortably numb and grateful to be taken care of.

[@michellehill718]

The narcissists to Team Healthy: I DON'T CARE! Team Healthy to the narcissts in response: Yep! We, know!

[@Freespirit435]

Yes, it’s so important to be aware of their games. Need to be on top of it at all times.

[@MarianneCatherine]

That's my malignant narc husband's mantra!!!😮

[@four81]

Dr. Carter I read your book When Pleasing You is Killing Me. It has helped me tremendously in dealing with a narcissist on a daily basis. Thank you so much for your videos and books!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks...glad you liked the book!!

[@denicehaley9902]

@four81, I’m reading and working through the book, too. A real eye opener and helping me to see different angles and work through resolutions.

[@four81]

@@denicehaley9902 Dr. C does a great job at helping you to understand that meaningful change can happen within yourself and that your convictions are indeed valid, despite people around you making you feel the opposite. His books have helped me tremendously in being more confident in myself and the lessons learned will help me the rest of my life. I’m sure of it. ❤️

[@diana5898]

OMG. Narcissists are so similar to drug addicts too!

[@danielkaiser8971]

There are some external similarities, but the underlying causes, treatments and prognoses are different. We see plenty of evidence supporting recovery from drug addiction. This is not the case with narcissism.

[@chicagomike4587]

Pure evil makes you love them first. Thanks for the vid and attention to this. God Bless all fellow victims out there...we are all better off and will enjoy independent success without the narc (the best counter punch)

[@lyndabrown1626]

Wow, Dr. C., your summarization of the 'con job' done to someone had me thinking of the multiple scenarios that happened over the past 30 years of being with a covert, malignant, sociopathic narcissist. As you so eloquently described what a narcissist is all about, or 'not all about' when it comes to being a decent person, my mind was blown as I thought of everything that happened just as you say, but I never saw it like that then. This was another fantastic video of education that I will watch again. Now I see it. And once you see it, you can't 'unsee' it. When you remove yourself from all the emotion of it all, you are left to see a very empty person indeed...a con man plain and simple. Thank you again, Dr. C. ...and Gus! 💝

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome, Lynda.

[@Swist1213]

You have described the person I have been married to for 40 years to a 'T'. Through videos like yours, I finally have a name for it and know exactly what he is and I have a word (gaslighting) for what he has done to me for years. And the lying! Your videos are really affirming to me. I may not have a way out due to financial reasons, but now I feel no guilt in disliking him as much as I do. After a particularly hurtful and malicious incident in July, I have cut the emotional cord. He is still trying to manipulate and 'love bomb' me, but it no longer works and I see him as the horrible person that he really is.

[@fred.k9875]

Freedom can be taken away! Knowledge will set you free! In fact knowledge is the foundation of freedom! Team healthy is testimony to the above!

[@roxymovie3938]

Knowledge on its own does not make you free. It is the truth that sets you free and thereby the knowledge might help you. If a bird knows that he has wings, but he does not know that he is able to fly with them, then his knowledge is powerless. And if freedom is within you, it can never be taken away from anybody, except yourself.

[@fred.k9875]

@@roxymovie3938 thank you for your supplementary comment! 🙏

[@roxymovie3938]

@@fred.k9875 Thanks to you for inspiring me 😉🙏

[@stevemorrison9107]

I fell for a woman head over heels, then I found out the truth. My heart is broken, but I learned a lesson I will look out for, for the rest of my life

[@susancosgrove5010]

I love the way you continue to bring out the different facets of narcissism to enable us to make sense of what is so often senseless. I've gone from 'expendable' to 'disposed of' but by reviewing the past, your videos bring out forgotten aspects of the situation...and that brings peace....all part of healing. Thank you Dr C 💜🐶⚘

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Wow! Such wonderful affirmation. Thanks so much!!

[@susancosgrove5010]

I have benefited so much from your insightful counsel but it is particularly valued in the 'Christ-like' manner you approach this harmful subject....it is truly Dignified, Respectful and Civil. Thank you again 💜🐶⚘

[@conniedean3862]

You keep hitting the nail on the head, you must know my ex! He plays like a friend but then the ugly narcissist pops up and tries to control my way of thinking with his disappointment in me...only to try and get his way...grrrrr. he's so phony and uses his helping hand and fake encouragement just so he won't be lonely

[@mdhironbhuiyan]

It's so heartening to here the truth spoken with ease from an expert on the matter. Thank you Dr C. You're a blessing sir.❤❤❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome

[@Gurkha24]

I am so glad I came across videos like this. I dealt with what I now know is a narcissistic family member going through a divorce for several years. They demanded blind loyalty or my character would be destroyed by direct or indirect comparison to themselves or someone else who they say is ideal in some way. When that didn’t work it became threats of dissolution of our relationship. When that failed it turned to threats of future violence. It was always a one sided relationship and they weee always in a position to demand and take. Never gave anything back but praise when I gave what was demanded.

[@grahamstrahle4010]

One can try to draw boundaries, but the deception and manipulation can still get better than that. You are up against professionals whose life is about destroying other people. That's what it seems like to me.

[@patricianeville1941]

Thank you so much Dr. Carter, this video was so helpful and describes the person I know for almost six decades! I have learned a lot and wish I would have found out about this narcissism problem a very long time ago! I look forward to watching your videos every day! God Bless You and Keep Safe❤️👍

[@judyfausset8005]

This is so sad to me because what you said explains my estranged son perfectly. He has finally decided he’s done with me because I can’t do enough for him💔

[@caroleminke6116]

Zero sense of closeness ❤️‍🩹 narcissists don’t want intimacy just control

[@mamaw9634]

Ok.. I think I am going crazy… My daughters Mother in law talked and manipulated finances to enable her son, my daughter, and grandbaby to move 2 doors from her. She puts a wedge between my daughter and myself.. She is a Con! No one would think it.. but she disregarded my parent role when kids were dating in high school.. she has called me a narcissist, has raging anger- but is so sweet to everyone outside the home .. this makes my stomach ache and heart hurt… trying to stay in peace and dignity..

[@lovethisone2673]

They wet the bed and blame the blanket.

[@sylvanascott1166]

They only help people who sings them praises and don’t know who they really are.

[@pamhersch5484]

Spot on Dr. C!! You are the best! Thank you so much for giving me the grounding and balance I need.

[@carlataylor9924]

Thank you Dr. C I love what you and Gus are doing for humanity. Im learning how ive allowed narcissists to take advantage of me through my own lack of self worth, im feeling armed in my own right to my dignity to be more emotionally calm when dealing with them.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Carla. This means a lot to me.

[@carlataylor9924]

@@SurvivingNarcissism your welcome! I have been listening to these on repeat daily, especially as I go sleep, I feel like thr more I hear your advice, thr more I get it ingrained in my brain so that I can stand with calm detachment without resorting to negative thoughts about them too. Radical acceptance is the best thing I've ever heard!

[@tmo.48]

Such wonderful wisdom said in such a gentle yet extremely clarifying way. I live for this, to keep me in the stable mentality in the midst of my departure from 43 years of covert shenanigans. Haven't lived there for 3 months now, I use to call that home "the dead zone". I still feel that way when I ever think of that past address. Thank you Gus and Dr. C. !!!!!!!

[@josephphoenix1376]

Excellent Episode 👍

[@michellehill718]

Happy Weekend Team Healthy and Dr. C! 🤸🤸‍♂🤸‍♀🤸🤸‍♂🤸‍♀🤸🤸‍♂🤸‍♀🤸🤸‍♂🤸‍♀🤸‍♀🤸🤸‍♂🤸‍♀🤸🤸‍♂🤸‍♀

[@user-zd7uv2zt3o]

Thank you Dr. C....this video rings home for me....I have put up for 3 yrs. with the Narc.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it was helpful!

[@C.C.1812]

My narc husband is super religious. Even after separation, he has been spending thousands of $$ in Christian therapy to prove that he is a wonderful, spiritual person!!! He sent me long texts to state his effort, instead of apologizing for his infidelity with 10+ women, gas-lighting, and lies. So ridiculous!

[@heathersoper6923]

I put him in court, he says he's done no wrongdoing. A year later I found out about his accomplice, I put him in court.

[@teresaburbery]

Thank you for your wonderful videos. Especially the lovely little therapy dog Gus doing his good work too!

[@awakening80]

Thanks always for your 👍continuing education & support

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Always welcome

[@judystevens6039]

They want what they want when they want it they dont care about anyone or how they hurt im an 80yr old mother going through this with a 60yr son all he cares about is himself hes turned his back on all his family 😢

[@kelleybaringer8281]

Another best, amazingly helpful, thank you so much

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it was helpful!

[@jamaalhorton2343]

I just got a text “ fumbling away a good woman “ now this woman told me after I told her my mother just got rushed to the hospital “ she said “ my mother has cooked dinner for us and that’s where we are going “ we went to the hospital!!! Then when my mother passed ! She said “ if I’m not sitting on the front row I’m not coming “ and I fumbled away a good woman???

[@roxymovie3938]

Jamaal, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. My condolences. 🙏💛🙏 What a selfish woman you met. Will you answer to this text you got from this woman?!?

[@jamaalhorton2343]

@@roxymovie3938 hey!! Thank you for your condolences.She was my ex girlfriend that’s why I responded! I don’t want to assume anything, so where you asking if I would respond to a text from you?

[@Ocean1688]

My MIL uses my adult sons to communicate w/ me when I don’t respond to her texts or calls as fast as she wants me to. They end up getting mad at me - I tell them to tell her not to get them involved. I feel bad for the boys because they have lived w/ their Oma’s narc BS all their lives, first with her mother in law (boys Nana) and now me. They see some of the BS (b/c MIL is so good at manipulating them) but NO ONE in this family wants to have a sit down and talk about the Pink Narc Elephant in the room. Even my FIL won’t call his wife out on her nasty shenanigans. So I just keep my distance from MIL and FIL to protect myself. But my Question is: why won’t they all just open up and talk about the Pink Narc in the room who causes the crazy disfunction? Open up? It’s so confusing to me. No one wants to deal or face it with it but everyone “feels” the chaos and manipulation.

[@janm9610]

My ex husband conned me into being he was kind 😂

[@janm9610]

Believing

[@tbunnyshy1]

I’ve been there. I hear you! 😂❤️‍🩹

[@mikediamond353]

That con always is first. That mask is shown to everyone. It's just that we are the ones who fall for it. Fall into their human trap.

[@druchampion-payne1489]

The few times they're *nice* to you is merely an investment--something they expect a BIG return on to benefit them.

[@michelleharkness7549]

Woof 🐶 to puppy 🐶 Gus a regular dog 🐶!!! ( as well peace to both you and your family as well) .

[@michelleharkness7549]

Namaste.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Namaste

[@michelleharkness7549]

Thanks 😊

[@michelleharkness7549]

Namaste

[@evaschager1040]

Thank you, Dr. C. for your words. I have given all I could Everything is Scrambled from her understanding From her opinion my " No" is Not allowed., so I hang Up the Phone. ... I am now practising health Care...

[@davidparker5439]

Thanks again sir . Keep the good work up . I know it helps me .

[@roxymovie3938]

Pirate Hook is coming to captize your boat. 🙄 Please climb to your mast and watch out for predators. 🧐 And do not hesitate to fly the red flaggs. ♨️

[@amandaliverpool3374]

With narc detectors and repellent at the ready 👍😉 🙏💕

[@roxymovie3938]

@@amandaliverpool3374 🤣🤣🤣 And thank YOU for your ongoing support 🤗💞💗🙏

[@henrykujawa4427]

"ALL of the above!"

[@sueg2658]

Thank you Dr. Carter, these videos are indeed part of my healing process. I stop and start the videos so I can make notes which been very helpful.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased!!

[@SherryWilson-dk7bo]

Salesman ship,so true,that is how I feel alot with my husband. He is always trying to sell me something.

[@aliceroberts1980]

Problem is you can go into a place of peace with a narcissist in your life .

[@robbehr8806]

Great video with a lot of practical info!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it was helpful!

[@craigbrowning9448]

My Paternal Grandmother was actually a pretty good Con, she also prided herself as being the successor to Christian Science's Mary Baker Eddy.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Oh, Please!

[@1NOIAM]

Thank you 🙏✝️🛐

[@fairygurl9269]

"If You Made a List of People You Trusted, Would You Put Your Name Down?" ♡♡NF♡♡

[@ZenZone-li4fr]

Thank you very much 🕊💜🙏🏻

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome

[@northstar5919]

Recognized a lot of the truth bearers on the net😁

[@Noname-xm2lj]

Heartfelt thanks for these videos. Pamela of SE Oklahoma

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome!