a surprisingly feminist defense of The Bachelor

[@upinurbiz]

Get 50% off on Paired premium! Start your 7-day free trial by clicking the link here: www.paired.com/biz50

[@gracelament]

If you're interested there is a season of the Bachelor Vietnam where a Bachelorette declares her love for another contestant and they leave together ❤

[@BooksRebound]

Wait the word "bachelorette" in your comment is throwing me off, I think. I think you mean its a season with 1 man, and 20ish women and 2 of the women left together? Is that right? I love that so so much. Saying Bachelorette implies she was the one dating all the 20ish men, and so she couldn't leave with a woman

[@bestpoubelle5332]

@@BooksRebound OP said it was Bachelor Vietnam in their comment. Hope those ladies are happy together

[@BooksRebound]

@@bestpoubelle5332 yeah but then Bachelorette later on in the comment implying it was a Bachelorette season with 20men and no women for her to leave with. Cause the contestants aren't called Bachelorettes I don't think? Anyway I understand the point, it was just written confusingly

[@upinurbiz]

@@gracelament WHAT ?!?!? This is amazing

[@Tilleyforever44]

@@BooksRebounda bachelorette is not a term coined by the show. It references a single, eligible woman. I’m not sure if that’s what the show calls them, but this commenter is not saying an episode of bachelorette, which I think is where you’re getting confused. The word itself is correct, and they did specify which show it was.

[@abanaqun]

what I find fascinating is that the fantasy suite is the first time in the process when the couple gets to have a conversation with the cameras off. like sure they bone but it's also the first time they can find out if they're on the same page about politics and gender roles and climate change conspiracy theories. and THAT is INSANE to me

[@korva_puusti]

not surprising that shows where women are completely safe while dating are popular with women

[@thenopedetective]

Until this season 😬

[@logixc2660]

@@thenopedetectivewdym until this season?????

[@sarahcarroll1068]

in the most recent season of the bachelor the two final contestants both basically knew who was getting proposed to- and the other one basically said to the “winning” one “your mom would be so proud of you” or something to that degree because her mother had died a few years prior. that’s the kinda girls girl i want to see. they fight over a man but they support each other through and through.

[@ThunderTaker1215]

“Thank you Biz,” we all say in unison

[@phhrogg8065]

i didn't hear a word of this but that cat looks comfy as hell

[@betterlatethannever4536]

The composition of this video is top tier for sure

[@sydsky8815]

"Maybe because I'm queer, everyone is a threat" is such a mood

[@emmathomas2832]

Honestly I think "be a girls girl" should a) be taken as a piece of advice on how to make friends rather than a moral compulsion and b) doesn't apply when a person is being an absolute bitch. It should mean that you should invite people standing on their own to sit at your table not you need to be nice to your bully just because they're female. Also great video 10/10. I personally find the cringe too much for me with reality TV but I'm glad that it exists so other people can enjoy it.

[@inklingofadream]

The combination of you and the phrase "rose ceremony" unlocked the part of my brain which has apparently been secretly storing the entirety of "Mormon SNL" Studio C's decade-old "Snape on the Bachelorette" sketch. So like. *That's* space I'm not using for my loved ones' birthdays or song lyrics.

[@cottonblend]

May I please have a little more info😭 Mormon SNL?

[@dl4578]

​@@cottonblendoh my god i know exactly what they're talking about, it's called "Studio C", i used to watch it in middle school so much 😭😭😭 it's a BYU film thing, they do skits and post it on youtube. If you look it up i would recommend watching the older stuff

[@SkittleE275]

​@@cottonblend It's called Studio C and occasionally it's even funny (source: am an ex-Mormon)

[@marnenotmarnie259]

@@SkittleE275i still quote it whenever i see the word bisque lmao. they had some classics (and then stacey left)

[@izzygrosof]

I never experienced the kind of indirect fighting as a kid that you were describing towards the end of the video. No fighting within friendships at all really. No punching either, no direct bullying. Just ostracisation and milquetoast attempts at bullying that kind of slid off of me because I didn't really care about their judgement of me and they didn't care about bullying me enough to figure out what would really hurt. I think this might be related to the truer reasons I don't like this kind of reality TV. This sort of scheming and indirect competition and mind games and maneuvering for social power, it never felt like something I did, or I was capable of doing. Just something that might be done to me if I got too vulnerable, put to much of my real self out there. Something I could avoid at best. Makes sense why it still fills me with dread in the pit of my stomach all the years later. Thanks for the video, biz!

[@monaallen42]

Wow you articulated this way better than I ever could. I experienced childhood abuse all through primary school and at my home at the hands of female perpetrators. Bullying, name-calling, degradation, etc was the norm. As someone who is trying to heal from these wounds, I find myself unwittingly repulsed by the mere thought of watching people put others through those things and deriving joy thereafter. I think that is mainly why I'm resistant to the idea of watching females engaging in such malicious behaviour without much criticism from the audience in the aftermath. Vanderpump Rules, I think, is a superior reality show because all parties are constantly airing their grievances at each other of their own volition. Their behaviors and remarks are vicious and scathing but they are usually reciprocal albeit expressed in different ways. I'm not sure if this is the case with the Bachelor franchise though.

[@marnenotmarnie259]

yeah. the drama type stuff would happen in my friend group but i was always a mediator more than anything. i was happy to not get more involved than that but i did wish i had that kind of close connection that they did when they weren't fighting.

[@betterlatethannever4536]

I fucking hate the expectation that female friendships are supposed to be toxic like this, and just because your friendship is full of bitter, acrimonious fighting doesn't mean that the other person actually will care about you the way the girls on Unreal do (although I do like that show). That was never my experience in those types of female friendships. It was more like being back-stabbed and cut down one day, and expected to be cool and get over it the next for people who I only "kinda liked" because they were really the only option. Like, if you find yourself stuck on an island like a reality show, I get making the best of what you've got, but also, like FIND PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY LOVE AND CARE ABOUT YOU AND DON'T MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE.

[@voidgazingchickens]

30 minutes without a Byron reference I was getting worried and then BAM! there it was.

[@Tetra418]

Such a refreshing take on "trash" TV. I often feel bad for indulging but you do so well at assessing why we continue to watch. Also! If you ever want to dive into another reality TV trope, Solitary had a choke hold on my psyche when it came out in the 2010s. It is a psychological game where contestants are locked in solitary confinement yet compete against each other to win. Absolutely wild.

[@dolfuny]

As a queer gender non conforming woman who grew up gender non conforming, I feel like I see/saw being a girls girls a bit differently. I never saw it as not letting women fight I always felt like it was more, we women are fighting over bs right now and we really don't need to. Like we have the whole not like other girls thing where women are putting other women down for intrest they do or don't have. Women would hold a lot of disdain for other women that came from a place of internalized misogyny and we kinda (still) need to get over that. Like we can have our messy and complex relationships (it would be impossible to get rid of them anyway) but we don't need to look down on women who are "like other girls" and we don't need to call the "not like other girls girl" a pick me ya know. I don't know if I'm quite explaining this correctly and I wish I could

[@halfpintrr]

It kinda skeeves me out that on the Bachelor/Bachlorette there aren’t POC. It’s a problem on reality tv. Also, people can get hurt and reality shows are really predatory. I’m glad you find value out of them, but not for me.

[@catsandsnakes711]

this ^ the producers really treat contestants (workers) like complete shit. the bachelor is notorious for this lol. and while unrelated to the bachelor, there have been suicides because of love island

[@thenopedetective]

The bachelor contestants are often so so so conservative and white washed. It's not great.

[@moiralindner7663]

I find the point about the taboo of having honest and open questions early on in the courtship process to be fascinating! My fiancé and I started dating in our freshman year of college after making a 4-page google doc with all of our political/religious/philosophical beliefs and spent hours talking about them before we started dating. Not everyone can do that, I know, but it can be done ig 😅

[@sadiefaithandersen4934]

LOL I love that for you!

[@perfectlyhopeless]

Biz Chappell cover oh my god you got me immediately

[@eddiestephanie1557]

Biz - "You can pay me to watch Survivor." Me - dragula?

[@86fifty]

That was a FIRE quote at the end - I love you, but not in a parasocial way, I love you the way that birds love to be given bread by the waterside. GADDANG, that reminded me of one of Zoe Bee's poems that she reads at the end of her vids! Also congrats on being able to afford housing in NYC, if you have to take sponsorships to be able to do that, honestly, I probably would too, so no shade (fistbump emoji)

[@soniaiboyako4023]

I love UnREAL so much and i hate how most of the *rare* times it gets talked about it's about S02 or whatever, so thanks for this even if it was mainly used as segues (would love a full video on it !)

[@tananario23]

*segue A Segway is a trademarked riding device.

[@soniaiboyako4023]

@@tananario23 i'm not a native English speaker and had a hunch i used the wrong one but forgot to check so thanks

[@lauranoel9779]

PLEASE i would die for your breakdown of unreal, that show is my favorite ever and i just know your takes would be legendary

[@RandiBurdette]

I used to be a nanny in NYC and one of my moms told me once “you’re so beautiful you should be on the bachelor. You’d win for sure!” 😅😅

[@elliemagic747]

Interview with a Vampire is TOP TIER! good for you for eating it up lol 😂

[@clauvyuga]

Oop and here's Biz again, pulling me into yet another rabbit hole I never expected to fall into in my life!

[@WatsonandSherlock]

I know this isn't the point of the video but I wish we had more queerness in reality dating shows. I want more bi people on Love Island so when its time for recoupling the numbers get thrown off for the straights and 2 bros have to couple up. I want an all lesbian Bachelorette where they don't say which girl in the bachelorette at first and its a secret rose ceremony at the door and the messiness of crushing on another contestant. Love is Blind with more trans inclusion. I want half the cast of Too Hot To Handle to be asexual and get pissed the horny people are losing them money and vote them off.

[@chesspiece4257]

yes! it would make it even messier! but also i’d be worried about whether the queer people were safe on set and safe with the other contestants

[@theogreen2186]

I kissed a boy/ girl was interesting to watch. Queer version of love island with no money involved in the same network

[@JohnFiala]

Wasnt there a bisexual bachelorette?

[@Ajel12]

Book rec: The Cement garden by Ian McEwan. Four kids/teens bury their dead mom in the basement to hide that she's dead. They do this so that they can keep living together.

[@graysungoose]

Unreal genuinely changed my mind about reality tv and now I’m a religious Survivor watcher

[@theresnothing4u]

I wish in her research biz had watched flavour of love because I think it's literally the peak of all dating shows. so campy so catty, just an essential watch tbh.

[@GirlInThought]

We need the Unreal video. Please

[@JimCullen]

Honestly Unreal in the thumbnail was the only reason I instantly clicked this instead of leaving it in my Watch Later for a week.

[@etherealgalaxies6]

That looks like Shiri Appleby in that Unreal show. If so, I had no idea she was still acting lol.

[@annlouise6714]

Unreal video please!

[@NaughtMax]

I think some of the appeal of shows like the bachelor is the hyper reality of summer camp. like yes they are playing things up for the camera but I also think it's a part of those structured life events that puts people in the head space to be absurdly genuine and vulnerable. If you've ever been on an extended backpacking trip or something similar you know that feeling where you're very removed from society and isolated from the worries that'd otherwise get in the way of being yourself or connecting with those around you. So even a few weeks can feel like you've known those with you all your life. However, no matter how deep that bond feels in the moment when you return to reality those relationships can often fizzle out. That's why I don't think the contestants are being disingenuous on these shows, rather they're being a version of themselves that can only exist in these curated spaces. also every time you said "let them fight" in my head I combined that line from godzilla and "the girls are fighting" and it was just a very silly mental image.

[@lorilucena9764]

omg my new fav video essayist has a new video outttttttt

[@lizoverturf3589]

I never comment on KZbin but I have been WAITING for your video essay on The Fall of the House of Usher. Please! I'm begging 🙏

[@pariahred13]

Professor Biz, your hair looks really great in this video. Someone doesn't skip conditioner.

[@amadare9261]

YES PLEASE!!! I'd watch a whole breakdown by you biz, and of the bachelor of all shows!

[@syd-is-sleepy]

just finished binging unreal after watching this video and it is absolutely incredible thank you for the rec

[@uglysweaters9724]

Unhinged book suggestion: The Airhead series by Meg Cabot. Read them when I was 14 probably and didn’t realize the impact those weird ass books had on my developing psyche until I recently rediscovered them… the general premise is, an average high school girl who is completely averse to all things “girly” gets her body crushed in a freak accident. In a string of bonkers plot events, this results in her brain being surgically removed and placed into the body of a teen icon super model. When she wakes up from said surgery, she is immediately forced to take on the lifestyle (and workload) of the world’s most popular current “It” girl. It’s a wild ride, and I’m currently obsessed with it!

[@iluvearth99]

Oh my god I remember that book too!! I feel like I should go reread them now

[@Likeicare96]

I remember this series. I remember getting them through the scholastic book fair as they came out. Not sure if I ever got the last one though

[@sadiefaithandersen4934]

Unreal was insane. Thank you for these amazing comments. This really made me think!

[@aprillittle7552]

It's actually quite common for contestants to trauma dump during the evening portion of their one-on-one. During Jenn's season it got ridiculous, some guys were grasping at straws to give a sob story

[@Bleadingheartart]

Great video! Idk if you’ve read The Locked Tomb series but I feel like it’s definitely up you’re alley

[@lilacenthusiast]

omg, first time seeing someone recommend these books. i love them so much. yes btw!!! i do think biz would like them. they're so fucked up and insane and well written

[@RhadX]

​@lilacenthusiast ♡♡♡ reads with rachel us a booktuber who is a fan and had recommended it, in case you're looking for book recommendations! I default to *Our Wives Under the Sea* which is suuuuuper different from TLT but is Sapphic psychological Eldritch horror I loved and my sister (who made me read TLT, as she should have) also loved. I also think *The Spirit Bares It's Teeth* or *House of Hollow* are worth considering. But also, yeah, would love a Biz deep dive of TLT

[@calamondiin]

Oh my God another biz video so soon...we are truly spoiled

[@prairiehorngirl]

life is so much better with a new biz video

[@bisexualizukumidoriya]

buckling to love is blind but being closed off to survivor is a CHOICE bc the way people win that game is wild sometimes

[@Religion0]

38:26 I think there are a lot of very specific areas in which the conclusion should be "we went too far, we need to go back" It's not unreasonable to look at a lot of the things we have done to ourselves and say "this used to be done better"

[@muttbrawl]

new biz video i’m sleeping good tonight

[@elizabethfreed3800]

Let women experience the full range of humanity! They're not all evil, but they're not all perfect either. When you can't be a shitty person who fights over stupid petty drama sometimes, then you can't be a full person. Because everyone has that side of them!!

[@giovannacorrea6927]

youre my favorite creator on this app please never stop making these!!

[@aggylyf]

Not only did I watch you talk about incest for 4 hours, I'm gifting the books with no context to a friend so I can replicate the experience

[@raquelnunes9793]

Always so happy when you post a video. ❤❤

[@drgskates]

I loved unReal. I'm planning to rewatch it because its just so good XD

[@nondescriptname]

Algo support comment. Keep churning out hot nonsense, we love it.

[@Maggie-vt8wp]

so so happy that u watched interview with the vampire. genuinely some of the best television to come out recently

[@BooksRebound]

I don't know if you're a smoker, but the dentists ARE NOT FUCKING AROUND. After you get your wisdom teeth out, DO NOT SMOKE anything for ~4 days. If you need to, get nicorette or weed gummies or whatever. But do yourself a favor and don't smoke anything because if you do, you can get dry socket, and what would just be a few days of mild pain turns into like 2.5 weeks of excruciating pain. This is coming from someone with debilitating chronic pain btw so my pain tolerance is pretty high. Just some friendly advice. Learn from my mistakes lmao 😅

[@megshay7844]

I’d love a full breakdown of Unreal!

[@wolfgirl535]

I get what you're trying to say about letting gurls fight over a man, at least I think I do. The idea that we HAVE to inherently support women regardless of their actions simply because they are a woman is a kind of toxic positivity, emotional bypassing, and that does make sense to me. However, just from my perspective, for your own mental health there is not value in fighting over a partner, regardless of the gender or sex in the equation of the fight. Sure, if someone stole my partner, I would be sad, I'm not saying don't feel emotions over a betrayal, that hurt isn't invalid. But if that were to happen to me, my partner in question wasn't stolen without his consent. He let himself be taken by another person, be they a man or a woman or whomever in between. My partner did that to me, brought that hurt onto me and did not care. Why fight for such a person? Why be angry at the person who did the stealing? They basically did me a favor, revealing the truth of my partner and how potentially little they thought of me. I wouldn't want back a partner who put me through that, and I don't particularly understand people who do. I say take 'em, that shit partner is that other person's problem now. And again I'm not saying don't be sad, that's just toxic positivity in a different direction. I'm saying don't let that sadness consume you. Both of these people, the stolen partner and the person who did the stealing, are not worth your emotions, your time, your life. Better to take care of oneself and move on, is how I see it.

[@opus4vp85]

I looked it up and at least two women from the bachelor did date each other after meeting on the show.

[@kathrynyoung3362]

Love your content!

[@kthxbi]

I feel like you would enjoy that one season of 'Are You The One' (a tv show where production has secretly compatibility tested and matched everyone in the house and contestants are competing to try and figure out who their 'match' is) and every single contestant is bi or pan meaning EVERYONE is a possibility for EVERYONE

[@nanibgalthelinguophile]

Happily surprised to see a new video!!! Glad I stayed up!

[@TabbyCatJohnson]

Not exactly a ‘recommendation’ but I think you doing an elsie dinsmore video would be earth shattering in an amazing way

[@chesspiece4257]

i don’t like reality TV, but i love fiction versions of reality TV bc i love the drama and manipulation when it isn’t as messy and ethically dubious as actual reality TV

[@ltleflrt]

oooh excited that you're experiencing interview with the vampire and having fun with it! I wish I had some toxic stuff to recommend, but I typically just read the toxic fanfics instead of original books lol

[@ivorydunn8424]

Lovely point actually! In movies and shows things tend to be neat and shallow, watching a reality show, its often just about as complex as real life, between people and especially in conflict.

[@marsbuff]

i am dying for more crazy deep dives into absolutely bonkers books like flowers in the attic. i’d never even heard of the book/series until your video and somehow your dissection of the content and incest’s role in fiction was genuinely one of the most interesting videos i’ve seen in a while. unfortunately i can’t rec any equally crazy books because i haven’t read any but im very excited for other comments to hopefully fuel more videos like the last one. i DO want to assert into your brain for contemplation, however: vampirism and cannibalism. also, great video! i think if we can let (mostly, but not always) men fight for sport, we can watch women fight for sport too, in a way that is often very resonant to the female/female-adjacent experience (see: complicated female relationships).

[@emmarohloff]

Biz comes through with a blessed take on my favorite topic 🙏 you get it

[@TheOleRazzleDazzle1]

You always make a video just as my own little obsessions are starting up lol. I'm reading heaps of literature about reality television and specifically how the consumption practices of RT went on to influence politics and social media. It's probably going to play into my honors thesis at this point. But you might really get a kick from Convergence Culture by Henry Jenkins. He focuses more on Survivor and American Idol than romance dating shows (to your chagrin) but I thought of him a few times throughout your video. It's surprisingly lively for Media studies academia from 2006 - inclined to make you yelp a little. Please keep killing it Biz! You continue to be one of my absolute favs on this platform and a creative inspriation!

[@gobrunch7324]

Such a fascinating perspective! 🙌

[@annabelle4655]

I started watching UnREAL bc of your recommendation in your other video!! Also as someone who's aromantic, I have always found dating reality shows SUPER boring. All the tension and desire never seemed worth the visible struggle for obv reasons + also the Bachelors are always the most boring man alive lmao. I actually have attempted dating every few years justtt in case and ive run into the same issues you described...I hate having to get on the apps/seems impossible to be open abt being aro on there - I always end up giving up on it bc after all I'm not gonna fall in love, im looking for companionship, but the effort never seems worth it 😬

[@CoreenMontagna]

My fav unhinged books: From my childhood: Steffie Can’t Come Out to Play by Fran Arrick. A teen girl runs away from home and is trafficked. Was in the YA book section and I picked it up in 8th grade…at my tiny Christian private school. Legit have no idea how it got mixed in with the otherwise carefully selected books, lol. From now: A Boy and His Ribbon by Pepper Winters. An 8yo boy is sold into modern day slavery at a farm, eventually runs away, and finds that the family’s toddler daughter was hiding in his getaway bag. The two make their way in the world pretending to be siblings, and eventually fall in love. It’s absolutely bonkers, entirely problematic, and one of my favorite ever reads, lol.

[@Branfon]

I can't deal with this right now, I have to leave for work in 30 minutes and I still haven't even collected my thoughts/comments about the Upstairs Daisys video. You're my favorite channel but honestly your timing . . . Is absolutely fine. I'm just really excited to hear you thoughts on "UnREAL," cause that show was so crazy and NO ONE I KNOW watched it.

[@inigoquixote5451]

My favorite book series of all time is the Horus Heresy, but you seem like a completionist and it is designed to drive completionists insane slowly (or break the habit).

[@raymond-reviews]

Imagine her breaking down the Horus Heresy after breaking down The Flowers in the Attic series. The jump in genre & tone would be crazy.

[@yyzhed]

38:28 WE HAVE TO GO BACK

[@pariahred13]

Holy shit please do the Sleeping Beauty trilogy Anne Rice wrote under her fake name! Please please please please please!!

[@gingerchaosmuppet9007]

I’d love to hear a Biz take on these!

[@pariahred13]

@@gingerchaosmuppet9007 it ain't generational incest but it sure is fucked up!

[@elliemagic747]

Make an Unreal Breakdown!!! 🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤

[@burjit]

The book “Geek Love” by Katherine Dunn may be of interest? It’s and flowers in the attic are in the same compartment in my brain. it’s about a failing circus family who make their own freak show by exposing their children to chemicals in utero. Their father calls them his“dreamlets” and is told as a family history from one dreamlets perspective. It’s pretty wild story that’s a touching and heart breaking look into their lives and relationships.

[@Amanda-0987]

Biz! Two contestants on The Bachelor Australia did fall in love with each other. I think they were together for a few years too.

[@cherryeletric3966]

Don’t know if Biz is going to see this but I need to say: there is this part where she says that this is based on the experience of living girlhood on the suburbs etc but I want to add that what she is defending can be MUCH MORE UNIVERSAL than she thinks. In Brasil, we are culturally inclined to enjoy woman fighting we have even a saying that goes “bater palma pra maluco dançar” aka “clap so the insane dances”. One of our famous songs is TWO WOMEN FIGHTING OVER A MAN LIKE IN A RAP-FUNK BATTLE that was made in like a poor zone of the country the famous favelas one of them gives the hardest line ever “But to keep him at your side, you need to be more woman than me” THERE IS NOTHING IN THE SONG SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT WHO THIS MAN IS BECAUSE IT DOES NOT MATTER! We are here to see the girls poiting finger competing to see who is the best!! And this is not my area of expertise but as I watch chinese dramas a huge part of the conflict of these shows is women competing against each other for… a man? Nah, they are seeing who is the best girl. Lovely video, Biz!

[@leetylerdotson4419]

I'm so happy u love iwtv would LOVE to hear ur takes on Armand

[@sanibear2002]

i read The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender in middle school and I still think about it

[@lyssam100]

Yeah, the particular kind of toxic female relationship you're describing is the exact reason I can't watch reality TV. I'm autistic. Growing up as a girl and having been pretty much neurologically incapable of holding my own in that kind of dynamic is like 80% of why I was experiencing suicidal ideation as a 12-year-old. It kind of cuts that you (and not just you; this is really common) talk about it as this kind of fundamental and fundamentally female experience when that's really not true for a decent chunk of girls.

[@lyssam100]

The way you talk about your family is also like... repulsively fascinating (sorry) because my immediate family is the same as yours - just me, my mum, and my sister - and the very fact that they have never been like that is part of why I cherish those bonds so much. I can trust them with all my most vulnerable insides and know that they will never, ever use them against me. Whereas you almost seem to enjoy that your family would? It's just so opposite to how I think about my loved ones.

[@nora371]

It's interesting you said the show is self aware... I personally feel like Sean's season was the first where they really talked about being on the show - very meta - and folks were drawn to that. Previous seasons were just your average "let's play pretend"

[@Twinkdoesdrag]

I just finished binging Unreal for the first time. It needs a season 5. It's so brilliant

[@briefisbest]

I love Unreal so much. Thank you for giving it its roses.

[@waverly17]

Not an unhinged book rec but I think you would really like The Charm Offensive. Its a take on a Bachelor type show but it follows a producer and the star throughout filming and deals with queerness and mental health and navigating that while making a reality show and its just really fun and sweet ❤

[@LibertyMonk]

fighting people is a vital part of being a person. you *need* to learn how to get over it too. just, not fighting, will ruin your life, unless you're a god at communicating, and don't have any struggles or frustrations.

[@muireannmc1056]

You should play some dating sims/otome games and give us your thoughts. It feels in a similar wheelhouse to the romance adjacent topics youve discussed but its so untouched in the content sphere. I havent finished it but the Fall of the House Morgana(?) has a kind of similar gothic incest vibe to Flowers in the Attic. Jack Jeanne is an amazing read dissertation on how an actor connects to their craft, but its also very queer for a het dating sim. Theres a ton of interesting ones out there

[@LovelyLadyLaudanum]

The book We Are Never Getting Back Together by Sophie Gonzales is a YA novel about two girls on a bachelor style reality show who end up falling for each other and might be a fun read for anyone who's a fan of Unreal since it also plays with the behind the scenes stuff I think

[@queerlybeloved257]

you mentioned "the book of longings" by sue monk kidd in a recent video (sorry, i forget which) and i just finished reading it and it was so good!!! thank you for telling us about it. (ik this isn't related to the topic of this vid but didn't know which other one to comment on 😅)

[@magganonfatalis733]

Book rec: Chronicles of Magravandias. I read it like a decade and a half ago, and then I read it again last year with my wife. Couldn't tell you if its good or bad, but my wife and I constantly recount parts of the books to each other like we're telling war stories over a whiskey neat at the bar.

[@soobinsbread__]

Biz i am begging you pls do a dissection of Alias Grace it's so crazy I think you'll love it

[@upinurbiz]

@@soobinsbread__ THAT IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA OMG

[@bethbrown8249]

UNREAL!! Yessssssss!

[@cunzut]

I wrote my media recommendation on another video literally the day before this video was posted, so I want to post it again here since you ask! It's not a "book" book, but you seem to be a person who is interested in exploring different types of media, and I think that you will appreciate Disco Elysium, an indie-RPG game (but it's more of an interactive novel without any combat and a ton of text) that was created by Estonian developers. There are a lot of borderline crazy things happening, a satire on all political ideologies, cryptids, existential crisis, poor little meow meow as a protagonist, rave in the smallest church in Saint Saens, "un jour je serai de retour près de toi" , and all of it is seasoned with mind-altering expressionistic art and soothing postpunk soundtrack.

[@ghostofcallisto5328]

Great video- I was never really opposed to Reality TV dating shows, but I was just first really introduced to it through dating games, so watching it always felt boring in comparison. However, this year I figured out a lot of the disinterest came from me not being interested in straight dating, so when a few queer dating shows came around (I Kissed a Girl/Boy, Couple to Throuple, Are You The One Season 8) I finally kind of got the appeal of it. I definitely recommend these reality shows to queer people, they really do have a different feeling to them. Also, thanks for the UnReal recommendation because it is a very fun show.

[@noctap0d]

26:55 You're describing the feeling of being an autistic person dating another autistic person 😂 I swear to god, my husband told me straight away what he expected of our relationship in our first date. It was amazing, no notes, 10/10.

[@Hyzentley]

Interesting analysis of that genre (have nothing to contribute otherwise, commenting for the algorithm)

[@Ryan-qy1uw]

Let's be real here. If Bachelor was reskinned to be a Fantasy Genre show, we'd all be calling him the macguffin in the fan forums/discord/Twitter.

[@chaospixie2170]

Love your chats Biz. If you haven’t you ought to read the Left Behind series…. They are fucking wild! Read them as a teenager in a cult that was related to the Duggers from 19 kids 😅

[@amadare9261]

When you said criticizing reality shows which are so enjoyed by women felt like being a pickme, i felt that. Also, idk, make voting with roses over a casket more mainstream, that's kinda cool

[@jrojala]

I involuntarily said “attagirl” aloud at one point during this video

[@butterflytaster5553]

in the philippines some custom of courting is still alive and well. like obviously, you can do the whole hookup thing, but it's also pretty common for a boy declare his intentions to court a girl and to spend time giving her gifts, spending time with her, endearing himself to her parents, etc. etc. trying to prove himself to be a good partner. he's her suitor throughout that process, and it's only when she gives him her answer that he becomes her boyfriend. i've had two serious long-term suitors (we're talking _years_) and i've still got some of their gifts lying around (stuffed toys, clothes, etc.; when my sister was courted in high school her gifts were usually food, and comes valentines we both got chocolates) even after i rejected them both because even after all that time i couldn't see myself returning their feelings. it's very traditional and heteronormative and gender roles-y, but i can't deny that i really enjoyed how clearly stated the romantic intent was. i did also do the "flirting blatantly over drinks and meeting up a couple of times later with that underlying tension" thing, with the subsequent frank, borderline-businesslike conversation about whether or not we should try dating based on how we vibed and what we wanted out of a relationship, and it was refreshing and felt novelly adult (i was in college and he had recently graduated) at the time. i think what i'm getting at is being open about where you want the relationship to go rocks, even when it ultimately doesn't go that way. but also these were all with men and the sapphic situationship gauntlet in a catholic country is undoubtedly going to be crazy hard