A Trauma-Informed Framework to Help Clients with a “Resentment Mindset” - with Janina Fisher, PhD

[@Jacobsmith-pw8ld]

What an amazing way to word your sentiment and express empathy to someone in pain, I've never heard it phrased like this before.

[@GoodBeets4ME]

I agree with much of what Ms. Fisher is saying. Consider this possibility, if a person is on the AUD/ADHD spectrum the chance that this person is still continually disrespected, even if unintentionally, is very likely. I cannot expect society to change quickly and embrace all the gifts of neurodevergents. Recognizing that so much of what society loves has been delivered through neurodivergent minds would be a great start and, until it does change, diffusing resentment from daily aggressions will be work.

[@kristensarajlic1310]

Hopefully your former client eventually started thinking about what you said and realized it could be helpful at some point. Maybe one day she'll come back and thank you for igniting the spark that led to some healing 😊

[@Iyasamueli24]

Thank you, Dr., I agree, and I found this encouraging. Validation is indeed one of the most important parts of healing. And as a Cptsd Survivor, I am learning to validate my anger, so I can truly mourn and accept the impacts of the sexual and physical abuse I experienced as a child. I know this will help me to embrace my healed version with more compassion and grace.

[@luladahringer6037]

Someone very close to me in my family experienced sexual trauma from another family member, from when she was 3 years old. She prides herself in being tough and independent; thinking she overcame her trauma and has overachieved in many aspects of her life (not the emotional one), which is impressive but does not see that all these decisions she makes (to tackle everything on her own, not accept help) and the resentment she holds are still very much intertwined with it. She is currently not in a happy place and to even suggest to see someone about it, causes huge arguments of resistance on her side. She is so afraid to go there again because intuitively she knows. Phew. Really tough when the thick wall they have built around their trauma has been up for nearly 7 decades already.

[@critter_paws]

I doubt you'll see this but I love you Janina, so much. Your work has helped me more than anyone has ever been able. I've been really stuck in resentment and haven't been able to name it. I usually dissociate with eyes squinted & locked on target (sometimes irl, other times locked on a ghost), nostrils flaired, mouth pursed (I think that's the word 🤷). I was writing in a trauma group earlier about learning I could and then dissociating on purpose as a kid while venom spewed from my mother's mouth. Speaking, moving, explaining, crying, nodding, answering questions that didn't come prior to a demand that they be answered- anything would escalate the situation. Then cops and detention centers a little later on so the skill came in handy. I hadn't recognized it as a fight/submit response. I guess I thought I was just 1.passionate/quick to violent but morals too strong to get physical sans the times I've chosen to allow that part to do it's thing 2.somehow quick to get in the psychological punching bag position with wayyyyy too many people. It will take me a bit to work on it and see change going off of other flashbacks I've made good progress with and I am so grateful for this short clip that just brought this to light for me. (I haven't had luck with any therapists either 😅😶 maybe soon)

[@camerong5513]

Alot of care , patience and wisdom here

[@rachelsimbhu3965]

Thanks so much for this , I needed to hear this

[@Northstarrrrrrr]

Why is that ... A person who gives pain is fine but victim haas got all the names as resentful angry etc etc doesnot seems right u know

[@thebeigesheep6132]

We should reframe it "righteous anger". That's what it is. That being said, do we want to hold on to that horrible feeling?

[@masterculturedunkerque7918]

​@@thebeigesheep6132It's very exhausting and quite impossible to hold on the long run but it would be a total lie if someone pretends they don't feel a form of resentment when a violent thing has been inflicted to them by someone else action. The thing is we, as a society, struggle to accept the cruel reality of those feelings : we rather not see than confronting them in all their crude multidimensional complexity. A trauma survivor can't be expected to have pretty feelings in order to be a good victim, they should have the right to feel angry and enraged as long as they don't act upon those tough feelings, for me it's fine and a good therapeutic space can give the possibility to express that

[@ArtyAntics]

Those are just labels for emotions. They aren’t inherently bad feelings in fact having them is helpful in motivating us to survive and get away. But once we have left they aren’t needed because they have fulfilled their function. If they do stick around they cause problems for us. Like you said the abuser isn’t affected but we are.

[@Sitting_on_a_perch]

I’m sorry that that has been your experience. I don’t think that anyone is “fine” with folks that give pain - the person that hurts others is obviously wounded and suffering. The victims (or survivors if you prefer) are left suffering and it can seem unfair that the other person seems to be let off with no consequences. As survivors, that part with the anger and resentment is the part that wishes they could have done more to protect you in a world where no one else did. That’s the part that experiences the feelings of powerlessness and injustice. And you’re right, it doesn’t seem right that victims are left holding the bag, after everything they’ve survived, more is still expected from them? It IS incredibly unfair. It’s so good that that part of you still wants to fight for the justice you didn’t get before. Thank you for sharing your experience, I wish you luck on your healing journey ❤

[@daveed63]

We call those people rude, thoughtless, or criminal❤⚖️👀

[@humanemaths]

Love her nails. She's good as always

[@Deelitee]

So what’s the solution?? For the client who has held on to the resentment and attached it to others…. What was the solution for them?? Maybe I missed it…??

[@jennw6809]

Great content, too bad about the extremely distracting background noises...

[@ArtyAntics]

I’m autistic and the noise was hard but after the 3rd try I think I got it 😊

[@jennw6809]

@@ArtyAntics I'll try listening again! It sounded like the house was haunted 🤣

[@argeniaparkinson3891]

Thanks for the warning, I’ll watch the CC text instead 😅

[@BLAB-it5un]

I like Fisher a lot but this is an odd presentation for two reasons - one, the background noises, but two, and far more importantly, the strange negative ending rather than emphasizing what a therapist can do for a client who develops resentment of the therapist she laments failure either her's or the client's or both rather than finishing with a recommendation or a strategy to increase the chance of connection.

[@masterculturedunkerque7918]

First experience with therapy to treat a sexual trauma. It went fine between the clinician psychologist and me. She interrupted the sessions because she asked for a psychiatrist backup, it was eventually achieved on my own and I blamed her for not helping me with it. A month later, she interrupted my whole therapy by an email without further explanations and without my consent, this literally retraumatized me. The resentment against her had to be shut down

[@ArtyAntics]

That sounds rough. I wonder if a part of you felt betrayed and/or abandoned by her in some way.

[@masterculturedunkerque7918]

@@ArtyAntics yes so so much. It was horrendous but it eventually calmed down many many months later. I felt rejected, betrayed, ignored, despised, disrespected, objectified...

[@masterculturedunkerque7918]

Actually I felt depossesed of my own life, I felt assaulted again

[@tonilifsey945]

​@@masterculturedunkerque7918I'm sorry this happened to you. You deserved better.

[@masterculturedunkerque7918]

@@tonilifsey945 Thanks so much. We deserve better than this. Got to do another therapy with someone working on attachment to heal this second trauma added to the first one I mean

[@jeanelaine]

Insightful

[@Northstarrrrrrr]

Thanks

[@ts3858]

What is that noise ...🙏😔

[@jessicahoul5200]

I wish I could have watched/listened to the entire video, but the background banging noise was too intense and distracting from the content.