A Very SPECIAL Episode

You've seen it on ‪@Netflix‬ and now it's available HERE on my KZbin channel. Check out #TheMachine special and then watch #TheMACHINEmovie!
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[@felixfjr]

Only Burt would buy his own special back, and then put it out for free on KZbin unannounced. This guy is great.

[@DocOrtmeyer]

Hé did that ??? Why ???

[@sarvolkskaya]

@@DocOrtmeyer for his fans.

[@jeanakatherine9369]

Didn’t Andrew Shultz do that too?

[@ImperialStar006]

​@@jeanakatherine9369idk but I'd believe it, he's dope too

[@dickrichard626]

That's why it's like super monetized playing 2 ads every 5-10mins... 😂 He can make more money from it this way, because YT is actually very lucrative for someone that can get tons of views, watch time and ad views. Much more then a netflix deal.

[@farklix]

Thanks!

[@AA-xb6uy]

take your money back man.

[@DonMega888]

So many talented creators struggling to make ends meet and homie donates to the millionaire hack.

[@sammiswartz7795]

Knock and scratch joke is amazing made me cry

[@Djangit]

can you explain that one? it has something to do with sex (from what i picked up) but can you explain?

[@PeelZee]

@Leonardoceja-q1zthe humor is in how unnerving the statement is to the old man, and just how far Bert takes the joke. The “knock then scratch” is a signal Bert has created for people to come “hang out” with him 😂 the old man was NOT HAVING IT.

[@Djangit]

@@PeelZee yh I got that part I just thought "knock and scratch" specifically was a reference

[@PeelZee]

@Leonardoceja-q1z as far as I know, nothing specific. I believe it’s just Bert being Bert 😂

[@JulianLeahy]

agreed, it was bad

[@sean_vikoren]

Bert, thank you. Netflix broke up with me, so this is the first time I have seen you do your thing. Glorious.

[@tylerwestman5258]

You mean your to broke to pay for Netflix

[@littlewigglemonster7691]

​@@tylerwestman5258 Naw just sucks dick now. No sense in paying something that you never use

[@clownishryooo4790]

@@tylerwestman5258 you’re *

[@sean_vikoren]

@@tylerwestman5258 No. They will not allow me to stream movies.

[@JohnJonesBilly]

@@tylerwestman5258 also like the entire thing with netflix is that your family could all have it.

[@chaseds6172]

Watched the machine movie with my best friends the other day, and it easily became one of my favorites ever. My dad introduced me to you with this special. This special for me is like how you and your dad watch Butch and Sundance. Love you Bert.

[@DistoryDan]

Greatest topless comedian alive right now. Best energy for fans. Thanks for all the funny.

[@JeremiahMartin-l5z]

Haha, you mean the only comedian to take his shirt off!!! LoL!!!

[@bingbing2188]

From depression to my belly hurting and tears in my eyes laughter. Great medication 💚

[@stayhumble4ever]

Than it is not depression. Disgusting to abuse that word that way. hope you get one for real, see who's laughing than

[@Jarock316]

Watched this at work while washing dishes, have never laughed so hard 😂

[@curlyb]

43 people got their meal on a dirty plate. 4 people died from the scum on the forks and knives.

[@Jarock316]

@@curlyb 😠 I know how to multitask.

[@royalvibes4433]

Bullshit! BOT ALERT

[@frarfarf]

you can't be serious

[@Trillion_Dollar_Extreme]

@@frarfarf I didn't laugh at all

[@ercruzszn]

Took my little brother to see the movie, we had a great time he had never heard the story and when we got home I saw this was on KZbin, perfect time! Thanks bert

[@2EXTRM]

Dude im watching this while delivering packages. You have my crying laughing all the way to people houses. I had listened to some of your bits and loved them but this was next level!!!

[@Honkers716]

This is years old. And the joke is extremely boring now. The most we can hope for is Bert 💀 from alcoholism.

[@mason96575]

I want your job

[@lex19xx.]

I listen to burt all the time on my routes ! Who do you deliver for ?

[@BaneLoki]

Knock and then scratch

[@2EXTRM]

@@lex19xx. FX

[@jethrobodinetull]

Congratulations on getting the rights to your special back! I enjoyed the movie, so much fun. I know you don't read the comments (smart), but I wanted to send my Congratulations🎉on all your hard earned success.

[@Viralbutnotyet]

Congrats on the movie Bert! I had a great time and also am glad to see your specials moving to YT!

[@j.ballsdeep420]

Yeah, cause nothing like Bert repeating himself on the few things that worked (albeit complete bullshit)

[@dagemervideos]

made it 100 likes xd not even reading it, i saw 99 cant have that now right?

[@shekelshekelstein2126]

movie bombed lol

[@CAMAROG9]

Machine!

[@generalg6666]

I found this after the First we feast video. You're something else 😂 I can't wait to watch your movie!!!😅

[@johnkontos]

The Machine story is the Stairway to Heaven of comedy. Just epic and never gets old! 😎

[@j.a.r.family2576]

Never gets old? It's old man, seriously.

[@Honkers716]

Yeah, I'm bored of that "story" also and all he has left is being an alcoholic. And having alcoholic stories being told about him His kids even make fun of him about it. Baby seal

[@TakeNoteOfThat]

You’re not real, are you?

[@USoligarchy]

Hahahahahahahahaha

[@Carol-Lyne]

Well it is brand new to me and I just about died laughing 😂😂😂

[@clarenceworley8134]

Haha, why is every single comment either this guy isn't funny, or this guy is the funniest, and that's it?

[@FortniteGod-nm9ns]

Cuz he not funny

[@lexiesheikh2393]

Seems like comments are also disappearing. 🤔 I'm not seeing any "hate" comments anymore, only supportive ones.

[@JulianLeahy]

because 50% are correct, 50% are really really dumb

[@Chimchimchu]

That Russia story is so golden, he doesn't even need anything else. That one story by itself makes him a legend forever.

[@KingBurger404]

Literally been watching this with the worst stomach pains distracting it, it’s so funny I keep laughing and making it worse. Anyway I’m 47min in and my stomach is worse, I can’t stop, worth it 💀

[@anthonyjonas6236]

Really? I didn't even smile. I look like I was just raped and wallet stolen for wasting 40 min of my life.

[@Raggyham]

@@anthonyjonas6236bots

[@royalvibes4433]

BOT ALERT

[@ironman4122]

Just saw The Machine and it was awesome! Go support so we can have more comedies with our favorite comics! Great job Bert!🖤💛👍🤟✌️

[@TheFlyingdeuces]

Looking forward to seeing the movie in the UK!

[@SchindlersFiist]

WE ❤ COMEDY

[@Chronicoverburn]

I saw it friday.. any news on the numbers?

[@brenrei]

​@@Chronicoverburn 4.9 million opening weekend

[@dandunlap8638]

@@brenrei I just read over $8M

[@spencergoolsby535]

This is the stand up that convinced me I should try stand up at least once in my life but now that I think I can do a open mic I’m waiting to try an open mic night while Bert is at the mother ship because I have a similar story excluding Russia. Thank you Bert for trying to bring comedy movies and comedy back to our culture. ты машина!!

[@sarvolkskaya]

I wanna know the story 😂

[@mikeysemple9318]

Blessings and luck !!

[@Forced2DoThis1]

How'd that Open Mic Night go?

[@spencergoolsby535]

@@Forced2DoThis1 still working out the kinks but I’m loving it

[@Forced2DoThis1]

@@spencergoolsby535 Congrats for following through and I hope you not only find success but also continue loving the experiences!

[@je__.]

from the whole 1hr and 10 minutes show i laughed almost like 50+ minutes my jaw and cheeks got cramps 😂😂😂😂😂

[@heyho7892]

I read multiple KZbin comments saying he was the unfunniest comic so it brought me here

[@je__.]

@@heyho7892 theyre all just haters.. or people who thinks that their taste in comedy is better than others...

[@darklight4815]

its true...he's extremely overrated...people mistake his shirtless energy for funny@@heyho7892

[@rnw2739]

I'd be terrified my jaw was riddled with cancer if I were you. The only other person who had a similar experience watching this crap was Roger Ebert....

[@tylerlienau7548]

I have listened to Bert on tons of podcasts but never heard his stand up! He doesn’t disappoint!!!

[@danielfawley4711]

The movie was great, happy to see comedies on the big screen again

[@JShawnPaul]

Too funny. I have heard this like eight times and this eighth time is still hilarious and has me literally laughing out loud.

[@Honkers716]

Not me

[@N0Sm4rtA55e5]

@@Honkers716 I dont think anyone asked for ur opinion but ok

[@Honkers716]

@@N0Sm4rtA55e5 apparently you don't understand what a comment section is

[@jaimemoreno7203]

@@Honkers716 Dude ive seen you reply to like 6 different comments shit talking the movie and Bert like if you dont like Bert and his stuff just stfu about it

[@Raggyham]

Bots

[@xXHighRyzeXx]

I didn't know he was this funny bruh 😭 I've seen a few podcast episodes but I'll definitely be tuning in more and looking out for specials

[@rjrulz327]

Everyone is quick to open their flappers and bag on him. I personally don’t get it he is funny! sure maybe not for everyone and that’s just fine but damn the keyboard warriors are real.

[@EmpressOfExile206]

This special is over 10 years old 😭 (maybe even more like 15) Yes Bert definitely _was_ funny at one point! But there are _very few_ comics who manage to *stay* as funny as when they blew up 💯 Look at other guys that were *massive* at one point like Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia, Chris Delia, etc. Hell even Kevin Hart's recent specials are 🗑 if you put them side by side with his early stand up‼️ Point is, this was in Bert's heyday when they were literally making movies based on his life and stuff (it was a van wilder or national lampoon movie lol don't remember the title) He doesn't deserve the hate as if he _was never funny..._ But just like *most* comedians who don't move on into a new avenue after a few specials (like TV, movies, etc.) He's _clearly_ past his comedic prime and coasting on the coattails of success from his _former_ relevance 💯

[@xXHighRyzeXx]

@@EmpressOfExile206 Ah ok that makes sense. I still think his podcast eps are pretty funny but yeah I could see it, this was elite lol

[@jdizzforyou]

I saw your movie on the 23rd, the theater messed up your pre-release but in the funniest way possible! So I show up on time and walk in to the livestream red carpet thing on the screen, ok time to settle in. So we all watch the livestream, unfortunately it was only me & 3 couples and we're all obviously fans so we get excited when the preshow ends... for a black screen that essentially says "someone's gotta press play." Everyone patiently waits about 30 seconds and I can hear squirming in the seats. About 30 seconds later someone says "maybe we should go get somebody" and I respond "you read my mind I just pulled up the number, I'll call". The teenager that answered the phone couldn't grasp me: Me- "hey, so I'm in theater 10 and someone needs to come press play". Her- "What do you mean? You're in the theater your movie will start shortly." Me- "I am in the theater, and the screen literally says someone needs to do something to start the feature" Her- "Why would it... um..." rustling and other voices "well it should start soon" Me- "cause you're sending someone to start it or?" Her-"um yea someone's on the way" Click I announce to my now family (we've been through some shit so yea) "they may or may not be on their way, I have little faith but we'll see." About a minute later you can hear sounds from the projection area shuffling or something and they finally manage to press play about 5 minutes late! I'm glad it happened, I will never forget the day I saw THE MACHINE!!!

[@evavox9761]

Love this. I haven't seen the movie yet so I was waiting for this story end with Bert's theater wide pranking. 😂 Somehow the fact it wasn't the case makes your comment hilarious to me. Now I'll always remember the first time you saw the movie too.

[@DefiantPunk0810]

This whole sequence of events sounds like something that would happen to Bert. You may have gotten the most immersing experience possible.

[@tybell4949]

LOL love how the camera guy and the sound guy were just kicking and spearing Bert like GET THE FO ME

[@zuzannawisniewska4464]

October 2024.No matter how many times I watching to this I never get tired of it ...from Fort Worth, Texas

[@Guiseppejedi]

I just stumbled across this and I'm dying! Funniest dude I've ever heard. I simply have to see him live now. Completely original and as much as he is self deprecating, he has to know how great he is! Probably no chance he ever reads this but Bert!!! You're Amazingly Hilarious! Thank you!!! I needed that.

[@Trillion_Dollar_Extreme]

Thats cap

[@wesleybarnett6162]

Im just relaxing in bed watching and I just laughed so hard at you jumping out the plane with Rachel Ray I bounced my head of my wall😂

[@JDBLiveswithCardBoard]

Thanks for the movie it was great. Took about 10 of my friends with me. We loved it. Congratulations.❤

[@Vanilla_Sun]

Congrats on having 10 friends

[@JDBLiveswithCardBoard]

@@Vanilla_Sun 😂

[@zarahandrahilde9554]

1.Turn on closed captions 2. Please welcome fur pressure 3. Hear Tom's laugh in my head

[@seanlovens8555]

Great reminder how funny this special was!! So many negative comments if your not a fan no one is forcing you to watch/comment

[@naturegirl4074]

Omg! So excited for you to come to Casper, WY! Wish we could party with the machine!

[@Eric-ro5fw]

I watched #themachinemovie in theatre while I was driving across Canada to get back home to the Yukon. The theatre I watched at, in Saskatoon was packed! Your awesome man. Thanks for making us laugh! I really hope your movie does well!

[@capribea]

I love how Ila is just a little him 😂

[@Austin70000]

Bruh I love Bert so much. Can only hope him releasing this can get him more exposure. One of the best comedians ever

[@Matt-z6q]

One of the best ever? Does your list include like 3,000 comedians? So you think he belongs on a list with louis ck, chris rock, and norm macdonald? Thats like saying a mcnugget is one of the best foods ever; yeah if you include ALL of the foods then the nugget would be on the list. At some point you gotta pull the weeds so that the sun can shine on the flowers.

[@stevennadile2694]

You're the greatest man. Been a fan since 1997 you always kicking it like the machine, which by the way is awesome. Thanks for the laughs when I didn't feel like smiling.

[@calebseverson318]

Glad you had bonding with your youngest daughter. My youngest daughter is the absolute best ever! Great story, Im laughing and crying at the same time.

[@mr.martinez6932]

I know this special was made several years ago, so by now Isla is in high school or something... I wonder how that kid is doing. To hear Bert tell it, she sounds destined for special things 😊

[@elishadellios]

FANTASTIC!!!!!! Thanks for the laughs man!!!!

[@larrygraham4875]

Da Machine. Brett Krishna

[@xonicnacx]

Burnt Chrysler

[@FirstNameJ0hn]

Bret Krinstone

[@xonicnacx]

Bart Kushner

[@303TAG303]

Bork Crenshaw

[@notthechannel2]

Found the cool guy comment section 😂😂

[@clairepettie]

I think I woke up the neighborhood cackling at the bear story. Thank you!

[@thecactuspat]

Congrats on the movie and on posting this to KZbin!

[@MSMNBC]

The "clean yourself up or someone is gonna think I did something to you" had me near rolling in pain but, the switch to being told about how to not do something at a kid's party and how his wife is like a horse let me know he knows how to tell a joke/funny-story.

[@laughingwolf8711]

Love this video. You are a funny man, equal to Fluffy! 😂😂😂

[@msqueen3513]

The Machine is the most epic comedy story of all time.

[@littlewigglemonster7691]

Congratulations on your movie! It was fantastic! 🎉🎉🎉

[@edwardnotyourconcern6519]

I was having a terrible day. You made my day so much better. I love you Machine! Don't get too excited. I'm a dude in my early 30's and not a hot chick.

[@Ovyu17]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@danmulholland1634]

He's not funny to me not even any stand up comedy

[@TheFrenchy47]

Metal music (good metal music) is violent and raw. People often mistake that for malice, but as you said it is putting the ugly shit you bury deep on the outside and forces you to see it. What a wonderful video, thank you.

[@treywatkins1273]

The legit first time I’ve ever actually stayed laughing all the way through a comedy show, started hurting my cheeks and I couldn’t top crying

[@royalvibes4433]

YOU ARE A BOT!!!!!! BOT ALERT

[@treywatkins1273]

@@royalvibes4433 yeah I know, I’m ChatGPT😂

[@bucklenutz4806]

I love the comments saying the lack of negative comments is suspicious. Like you can only find satisfaction in negativity, and really say a lot about who you are as people

[@wesleyviers1550]

I took one of my friends to your movie this last weekend. It was great! Much love

[@TakeurJeans]

Best stand up I've seen in year man people at work thought I lost my mind I was laughing out loud so much 😂

[@mfwicbasterd477]

Congrats Bert, you've earned all of this 🍻

[@IPlayOneOnT.V.]

A heart-warming story from Bert Kreischer.

[@troyprice4371]

The part about his wife and the carrots 🥕 had me dieing ... The tricks all women use. @brettkrishna you killed it. 🤘🤩🤘

[@troyprice4371]

🤯💭 mind blown ...

[@Forced2DoThis1]

Back yet again for the laughs and creative energy! 🤣😂👍🏿☝🏿

[@DJFullHam]

I saw the movie Saturday. So good I'm gonna go see it again this Friday!! Amazing job Bert!

[@ricardocardoso9734]

This Was Amazing One of the best stand ups I've ever seen😂😂😂😂😂

[@ryanbamfordslife9650]

Legend status achieved ❤

[@steeenab2306]

Omgsh. My friend sent this to me. And it had me ugly laughing 😂 she is. Ur so awesome “DA MACHINNNE 😂”. Blessed. Christina

[@jogio7047]

Sir, you are awesome... Forever

[@scottburk4083]

Hey Bert! I saw your movie on Tuesday. Loved it!😂😂😂 Take care,may you continue to be successful and God Bless you and your's!!!😊

[@mattlee1385]

The movie was great!

[@jenniferv618]

I almost died laughing when he said his wife tooted while he was down below ☠️ its 7:43a & I've been up damn near _all night_ & my husband is laying next to me... I shook this entire bed for like 2 mins straight with tears running down my face... I'm shocked he didnt wake up 🤦‍♀️

[@djcarter96]

Absolutely loved the movie big man!!! The theater i went to was completely packed. Bought my tickets a couple months in advance and it was about half full then. A real home run ❤❤❤

[@Caesar.the.Ac3]

This was a great act. Loved it and laughed out loud so many time hahahaha, thanks for the work of art

[@JesterTheRyda]

THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND, THE MOTHAFUCKKKINNN MACHINEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

[@danmulholland1634]

Hate to disappoint you but hes not funny to me nor is any stand up comedy

[@nicksilver_music]

First 5 to 10 minutes is everything in comedy specials now, will you grip my attention, or will I go to the next video 😂 I don't care how famous you are, entertain us and get us laughing...

[@firefox71]

I don't know how many times I've seen "The Machine" bit, but it is still just as funny.

[@kathleenp3135]

Congrats Bert!

[@DabBubbles420]

Cant wait to see the movie, wish i could see it in theatres but i live 5 hours away from any theatre but i will be buying the bluray I know you wont read this but we all appreciate what you do and congratulate you on achieving your dream

[@Scuffed_Gambit]

I haven't laughed this much at a comedic special for a while, thanks Bert 👌

[@maddadbricks]

12:26 you can pay to do your first level of the skydiving licence... Jump with your own chute. No need for this 😂

[@samkarpet3885]

I don't even care the movie had bad reviews, it was a comidic display of you amazing talent and ability to make me laugh my ass off. Thanks for the great comedy.

[@austinpedersen448]

Oh the movie was fucking amazing!

[@JohnVanillaDinosaurM]

Bert comes on Todd and Tyler sometimes and talks about new specials. But ive never seen this whole bit here. Hilarious as hell.

[@billymuller7206]

I saw Bert a few months ago in Brisbane and he was the greatest act I’ve ever seen

[@royalvibes4433]

That's because you've never seen anyone else. So, no kidding

[@dandontcare6725]

Sir, you are not very smart

[@rnw2739]

You must be Joseph Fritzel's daughter. I'm overjoyed your free from that basement but you really must watch one more act in your life.

[@ksarecords8099]

The only way that's possible is if it's the only act you've ever seen

[@brve_he4rt29]

I watched his I believe on netflix...but TODAY was the day...that was very funny!

[@ericfeldkamp3788]

Story telling master class.

[@tyrannicpuppy]

Watched this one at least three times now and I still piss myself throughout most of it. If anything, I think it gets even funnier on repeat viewings. To the folks who reckon Bert has gone shit, why are you all here commenting and driving engagement? If he makes some people laugh (which he just did me for the past hour while I did end of month paperwork) then he's worth a watch. If he doesn't make you laugh, just don't watch him then. Why does what other people find funny upset you so much?

[@redeyesdevil4688]

I love Bert so much ❤

[@nateLegakis]

As someone with sensory processing disorder, this guy makes me feel less anxious and most of his jokes, I find incredibly funny.

[@royalvibes4433]

WTF

[@notoriouslybratty]

Listening to this walking down the street and creeping people out as I grin ear to ear and giggle as I walk down the street making eye contact with everyone.

[@thatgreenslime9517]

My autism traits include making direct eye contact to the point of discomfort for all parties, too. Bystanders included. I feel you. Well, I mean I understand feelings exist.

[@Chronicoverburn]

See da movie so worth it

[@crystinamarie1]

Lol, same!! 🤣😂

[@JimmyDanieley]

This is awesome 👌 💯 perfectly done🎉

[@A_Bone1972]

this set still has me lmfao!🤣 ✌️🐝➕

[@kokokat584]

Why the set?

[@Shakeysmoker1]

Can't wait till your movies on DVD. Instant buy!!!

[@cassielandl1209]

By far one of the funniest stand ups I've seen lately this dude's dope

[@EmpressOfExile206]

Seen _lately.._ How old are you!? This specials gotta be over 10 years old by now 😭

[@jacobdoughten5704]

The machine story is the goat!! And finding out that his time at FSU was the basis for the van wilder character and movie seems obvious 😂😂😂

[@safetrucker]

Damn this was genius and hilarious I truly loved this !

[@stedwards311]

Someone slather Burnt Chrysler in butter, because he's on a roll!

[@per48]

I think its really awesome Bert put this special out on YT!

[@philbyrd5561]

Watched this special with my father last week, He asked the same question as Mark Hammil, "why does he take his shirt off?"

[@tonesthegrey6452]

Hilarious! I hardly ever watch standup and even more rarely laugh out loud at something I'm watching by myself and this made me crack up several times, making it an absolute gem as far as entertainment goes. Thank you so much, Bert. I really needed the escape from reality, which hasn't provided much opportunity to be cheerful recently, and you delivered in spades. I almost felt a little sad when I realized it was over, so I subbed and I'm about to go see what other amusements I might find in your catalog.

[@jmansk0311]

Love ya Bert will get to the movie as soon as I can. Live in small town MN so it’s a bit of a drive to anywhere they are actually playing it.

[@cea-jaymales8031]

Gotta love free specials. You're a gangster Burt!

[@eric81872]

Thank you for the video! ☺ ♥

[@ClassicalDan1]

You rule buddy. Slay them dragons

[@chilombe]

OMG Just watched Bert for the first time in The Machine, and I had no idea he is actually a comedian.

[@charlesbenoist9904]

❤ The movie going back again to watch it 😂😂😂😂😂

[@tracyyennie9973]

You, my friend are a fuckin riot! Thank you for all the laughs! I really needed that right now!!

[@0Jibberjabber0]

If bert says to watch his special again ill watch it, if hert tells me to watch his movie ima watch his movie. I wanna give bert all i can and make his goals come true. Why? Because HES THE MACHINEEEEE