ABA| Let's Stop Calling Autistic Kids "Attention Seeking"

[@sandralane1923]

Connection seeking, not attention seeking. Well put, Cammie.

[@Kabbaway]

I was undiagnosed as a kid and am only just in the process of getting tested for ASD now, but my mother always ignored my “attention-seeking” behaviour and told me to not be so sensitive. She’d also call me ableist slurs when I stimmed, mumbled to myself or shut down during confrontations so I learned to mask... which has caused me a ton of issues into my adulthood. From my personal experience, ignoring kids when they “misbehave” doesn’t solve anything - it’s either going to provoke them to further “act out” or to suppress their true feelings and expression which can cause long term consequences in their mental health and relationships. Kids, especially neurodivergent ones, don’t understand the world and just want to learn and grow while bonding with their loved ones. Ignoring them is a form of neglect and negative reinforcement, both of which have been proven to be detrimental to a person’s development, mental health and relationships.

[@Autmazing]

I'm so sorry that you went through that and thank you for sharing your experience, because I think it's important for people who are in doubt of how damaging it is to hear from people who have gone through being ignored themselves. And what you shared makes sense and aligns with what we saw when stuff was ignored like they said to do. As soon as I started asking Maggie what was going on and why she was doing what she was doing she would calm down, even though she usually couldn't tell me. It just makes so much more sense. As soon as I wasn't invested in believing that therapy was helpful it became so much easier to see. Definitely never again. I wish we'd realized it much earlier instead of believing the whole "gold standard" thing so strongly.

[@kaishawna3753]

@@Autmazing I've heard that many times as well. I am currently an undiagnosed autistic and I was not given the opportunity to get a diagnosis. My family doesn't believe I'm autistic because they don't see the behaviors that most people look for when diagnosing autism. To this day, I can't talk to them about autism without being told I'm not autistic.

[@Lisa-ir2gz]

Also, the point of ABA is to teach appropriate communication. It isn't about just ignoring the maladaptive behaviors. It is also about teaching communication. If a person autistic or not is just being ignored and not taught, that is a problem.

[@loveyourmotherland]

There's so many moving stories people are sharing in the comments here, I'm really amazed to see how much other people have been through. I'm 28 years old now, and just trying to figure out why I don't feel allowed to express, free to express what I feel and think. I'm learning about ABA, and remembering how my mother, a Behaviour Psychologist, used rewards and this kind of thing. It is so much more than what people have thought it is, so much MORE damaging and counter productive long term. I think I was sometimes crying endlessly just because I felt like she energetically had some of these ideas about "an empty person" in her from psychology school, or that they were embedded in the practices she accepted. Anyways, I remember wanting to get that connection and dispel those ideas, from school and family, by crying unconsolably. I still feel this way, and I know if I come to a place of recognizing the truth then I won't suffer anymore from operating as if under scrutiny for no current reason.

[@nancygardner5586]

I was never comfortable with aba therapy and this connects the dots on why.

[@seabass2767]

Yesss!! Everything you said its how I am feeling at this moment. I have 3 kids. My two youngest 6 and 7 are autistic.. My 7 year old has been ABA since he was 2. I am soo over it. My 7 year old is verbal and when they ignore him when he is asking questions has been bothering me lately. So long story short,Ive been thinking about ending ABA but am too afraid the way you were.

[@relentlessrhythm2774]

As an autistic, I HATE attention. I've done all I could to avoid crying once when they sang the happy birthday song to me and ended up being in huge trouble when I did.

[@Lisa-ir2gz]

Some behaviors are attention seeking. That is for ALL people. Even Neurotypical people. So some things for attention. It is part of being human. As a behavior tech for the last 21 years, i can say that the ABA i do now (and have done for several years) is alot different from the ABA i was taught and did 21 years ago. Is it perfect? No, nothing is. But it is much more positive and takes into consideration the whole person. That said, just like any other treatment, it isn't right for every autistic person. I am glad your girls are doing better and that you made the best choice for them.

[@jessiewrites4753]

I totally agree with this.im a RBT and I don’t like this term at all. Kids are trying to get their needs met. Adults do this too. Everyone needs attention! I’m getting evaluated for autism myself on at Patrick’s day. I love your channel

[@alissatran4630]

youre very emotionally ingelligent. and also that is sooo sweet about maggie meltdown --> hug

[@Clark-mm7gw]

Another great video, Cammie. I love "communication seeking" instead of "attention seeking" and how you'd talk about how you'd feel if someone ignored you. I know I'd hate if someone ignored me (although as a kid my parents usually didn't listen to whining, so I guess I stopped after they ignored me. But at the same time if I kept whining as an adult or did that at my job I'd probably get fired. So I'm not really sure what to think about my own personal experience. They'd usually say to tell them without whining).

[@ej.ti84]

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective! Attention and communication is best totally! I'm training to be a teacher and watching your story has really motivated me bring awareness into lessons, and to being open and celebrating neuro-diversity in the classroom.

[@anguskisses112]

Cammie, you know best for your children...I'm so glad Maggie and Tessie are thriving more, not participating in ABA therapy! God bless all of your beautifully souled children!

[@fionascheibel977]

Beautiful, you are helping to make a better world for your kids and for other people who are autistic etc. Making a better world is a mission for everyone to do in their bit of the world. Keep on doing what you are doing.

[@shauna3742]

Thats crazy some people would tell you to just go spend time with your kids because that's what THEY need ehat about what YOU need ? You are completely entitled to have something that is yours and you enjoy doing. Abd if this is it tbats great and a lot of people like the education they recieve from your channel.

[@travassosvaldez]

I thank you for your work.

[@amyforster1208]

I’m not really in the autism community but my sister and I have ADHD and she has often been ignored for supposedly attention seeking behavior, and I often intervened because I knew it wasn’t just attention seeking, whilst my parents ignored her. Thanks for making this video, it’s cleared a lot of things up in my head! Connection seeking sounds so much kinder but in end effect is the same as attention seeking! I have another somewhat unrelated question, I have ADHD and my my mother was always sure I had autism because I have a lot of traits including some very obvious flapping stims and I struggled to point at things as a young child. But she said it wouldn’t be worth getting me properly tested because psychs said I never had ‘enough’ traits, given I had no language delay and had friends at school, and that I was always ‘borderline autistic.’ Is there even such thing as ‘borderline autistic?’ I always thought that you’re either autistic or you’re not. I don’t need any support as a 25 year old so going through the testing sounds exhausting and not worth it, but when I comment in the autistic community I feel like I don’t belong because I’m only ‘borderline’ autistic 😅

[@redtarka]

You can't be "borderline" autistic, but seeing as you have ADHD it makes sense that some of your struggles overlap with autism symptoms.

[@atkinsonatkinson2802]

This is a very helpful video for parents. 👍

[@relentlessrhythm2774]

I hope BCBAs, RBTs, and parents come across this with an open mind.

[@gorgeouswales9635]

You right, I can relate my daughter Autistic.

[@jajcaserobicie]

I love your videos!💖

[@EB64915]

I'm not sure of what ABA means, I'll have to look into it.

[@void________]

Well "communication seeking" can't replace "attention seeking" because all behaviors are communication seeking. They are communicating the need to escape, gain access, etc. Extinction is always used with a replacement behavior and not just ignoring alone.

[@jessiehawkins77]

ABA master's here. That term is gross and it is a dehumanizing insult to Neuro divergent folks