Achampnator - A Body in my Cellar

Lyrics:
Chorus
Damn, there’s a body in my cellar,
I swear it wasn’t me, but no one knows for sure.
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor,
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
There’s a dead man on my sofa,
I swear it wasn’t me, and it’s not even my grandpa.
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor,
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
Verse 1
I went to the hardware store to ask around,
Can I get a box, you know, to fit six feet down?
Or would it be enough to just chop 'em up clean,
With a garden shredder or a chainsaw machine?
And then I’ll invite all my friends for a barbecue,
We’ve got enough meat, so come, grab a few!
Or I’ll build a nice sunroom, pour them into cement,
Or shoot 'em in a rocket off to the moon’s ascent.
I’ll stash 'em in the freezer, where no one can peek,
And I’ll pull them out in winter, turn 'em into a snowman freak.
Chorus
Damn, there’s a body in my cellar,
I swear it wasn’t me, but no one knows for sure.
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor,
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
There’s a dead man on my sofa,
I swear it wasn’t me, and it’s not even my grandpa.
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor,
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
Verse 2
Woke up with a headache, and my bed’s soaking wet,
Don’t remember a thing, think I missed the night’s events.
But damn, walking to the bathroom, what do I find?
A body in my room! Is this a joke of some kind?
What's this guy doing here? Is he out of his mind?
Acting like I killed him, but I didn’t commit that crime.
Does he really need to paint my floor with his blood?
How’d he even die? I gotta clean this up.
Back to sender, with a corpse for delivery,
Or slice a bit off, and serve it in my butchery.
I’ll drop ‘em with the homeless underneath the bridge, they don’t mind,
Or set them up like statues at the body show, they’ll never find.
No magic tricks from Copperfield, or Geller’s mind-control,
I’ll just stash them in my cellar, with the rest, nice and whole.
People come, the bodies go, that’s how it is, you see,
Then I head back to the bar, like it’s all history.
Chorus
Damn, there’s a body in my cellar,
I swear it wasn’t me, but no one knows for sure.
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor,
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
There’s a dead man on my sofa,
I swear it wasn’t me, and it’s not even my grandpa.
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor,
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
Bridge
I know it wasn’t me, but no one will believe,
So I guess I need a plan before I leave.
I’ll ship 'em to Afghanistan or Iraq,
No one will notice, bodies die there every day, it’s fact.
Send 'em to the government with a big old smile,
Politicians got skeletons, so they won’t mind the pile.
Wait for a massacre and dump 'em in the crowd,
No one will care between Max and loud-mouthed Laura shouting proud.
And hey, I googled it-organs bring cash,
Sell them piece by piece, turn every limb to hard cash.
Chorus
Damn, there’s a body in my cellar,
I swear it wasn’t me, but no one knows for sure.
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor,
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
There’s a dead man on my sofa,
I swear it wasn’t me, and it’s not even my grandpa.
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor,
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
Outro
But the solution’s closer than you'd think,
Wait ‘til my neighbor's asleep, quiet as a wink,
Then sneak in their house and put it on their couch.
Problem solved, without a doubt!
Chorus
Damn, there’s a body in my cellar,
I swear it wasn’t me, but no one knows for sure.
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor,
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
There’s a dead man on my sofa,
I swear it wasn’t me, and it’s not even my grandpa.
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor,
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?