Off Topic: Ep. 48 - I Never Asked For This

The AH Crew sit down to talk Pumpkins, Al Sharpton, Earthbound and more on this week's Off Topic! This episode originally aired October 28, 2016 and is sponsored by Battlefield 1 (bit.ly/2ePqBzv) and MVMT Watches (bit.ly/2bd8MJW)
» Join FIRST to watch episodes early: bit.ly/2xPC5Zh
» Get your Achievement Hunter merch: bit.ly/2wVh4jx
» Subscribe: bit.ly/AHYTChannel
About Achievement Hunter:
Hello fellow Gamer. This you should watch me. I play game. Good. Thank you, thank you. If you watch me, I'm hot. Videos, they'll be better... The Achievement Hunter view is the right thing to do KZbin, so do.
More from Achievement Hunter:
» Let's Play: bit.ly/1BuRgl1
» Rooster Teeth: bit.ly/13y3Gum
Off Topic: Ep. 48 - I Never Asked For This
/ achievementhunter

[@Cold_Ham_on_Rye]

"I'm going to beat you to death in a god damed aqua bat costume" That may be the fucking funniest thing I have ever heard in my life

[@zoeblack7710]

matsta177 What does laughing like a girl entail?

[@TheCakenukeism]

When Michael said "I bought that in Germany" you could tell the genuine just pure sadness

[@PotatoTheQuick]

When Gavin says he will hold something, he isn't going to hold it. He's going to fail, every time. It is glorious.

[@supercatman1]

haven't we already learned this from the kicking the desk episode......?

[@SonicHalo9107]

To be fair, Ryan punched it at a side that would have knocked the pumpkin out of Gavin's hands from where he was holding it. But yeah I think for now on, let someone else hold something instead of Gavin as he is going to fail at simply holding it.

[@johnny2003]

PotatoTheQuick that was all Ryan's fault. He saw where Gavin was holding it. Ryan punched from a side angle. Side note. That was punishment for Michael being a pussy and drinking water.

[@night4345]

Ryan had his job, punch through the pumpkin. Gavin's just a giant pussy and didn't hold the pumpkin effectively because he didn't want his hands close to Ryan's punch.

[@b3stnoobever]

Not to mention just like the monitor, Gavin recoiled instead of holding it in place, and let go of the pumpkin.

[@RobloxGamingCallum]

when michael says he almost punched his water over in the beginning...the foreshadowing is strong

[@Blechhower]

This is a good way to turn 1 german beerglass into thirtysix german beerglasses.

[@Blueeagle113]

lol best response I have seen

[@TheDeadbison]

Marcus Nörren so I just realized what this joke meant.....after weeks

[@rafaaza2112]

Hey, where did Michael get the glass from?

[@hannahmusum1693]

I seriously thought Michael was going to crush Gavin for a moment

[@KlintKaras]

I think Michael thought he was going to aswell .

[@joleighfoster9620]

Klint Karas when does Michael not think he's going to crush Gavin lol

[@Ataku12]

I thought they were gonna fuck. Looks like we were all left disappointed

[@adriansmith2639]

"I'm gonna fucking beat you to death! I'm gonna beat you to death in a goddamn Aquabats costume! You stupid fuck!"-Michael Jones (on his relationship with Gavin Free) 2016

[@zonianfjb]

I think he was talking to Ryan. If he wasn't he should have been.

[@Tobacco_Bowls]

Clearly pointed at Gav.

[@Isaygoodday5]

zonianfjb clearly and rightfully directed at Gavin

[@zonianfjb]

you spelt 'wrongfully' wrong. because you haven't a clue about everything, including spelling.

[@Tobacco_Bowls]

zonianfjb Capitalize your sentences heathen.

[@yourunclesteve3315]

Gavin: Can I hold your baby? Mother: sure *baby falls to the floor*, *Gavin's shocked face*

[@jessew3047]

"I don't know how this happened. Let me review the footage"

[@jilles13nl]

as soon as they hand him the baby he just pulls his arms away and yells "HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?"

[@zonianfjb]

Gavin: Can I hold your baby? Ryan: Sure. Ryan slam dunks the baby down onto Gavin's hands away from Gavin's arms. Baby goes through Gavin's hands and lands on the floor and everyone on the internet blames him because he was technically the last to touch it. And because he's English. That's a MUCH more accurate analogy.

[@Isaygoodday5]

zonianfjb no here's a more accurate analogy: Gavin: can I hold your baby? Mother: sure *hands over baby* Gavin: *drops baby* you handed it to me wrong! It's like 90% your fault.

[@Doctor_Kite]

I find it hilarious that when Gavin asks the group at 43:46 who is going to have a kid next, he already knew that Michael was having a kid.

[@SmithyOneTwelve]

Are Achievement Hunter the only people that could get away with destroying their set, then proceed to clean it up and have it be an actual part of the podcast?

[@Jhtocp]

I'd say the RT podcast can get away with some destruction (i.e table hammer) and On the Spot, but AH takes it to a whole new level.

[@Augminion]

Smithyonetwelve Cowchop? Though they don't do podcasts, it happens all the time on the show.

[@lifeiscrap103]

I fully believe Achievement Hunter is the only group where one member can beat another one of it's members to death while wearing an Aqua Bats costume, and then continue the Podcast on top of their broken corpse.

[@PHANTOMCOWGIRL]

But they can't do the same without the Aqua Bats costume, that's just rude.

[@TheRedRobin96]

Well that's the thing about a podcast, it's not necessarily about what's going on on screen but what's being said. They never stopped talking, there wasn't like five minutes of someone sweeping up glass and then they started talking again. Plus this broadcast live and then uploaded later and they didn't cut it because people would have flipped bricks if they had.

[@nemokid1220]

5:47 "Oh, you've got a shot glass!" uhhh, Gavin, he also has a shank

[@decaf4450]

"for the audio listeners... ..he cracked it there, and there.." *points at places on the pumpkin * thanks, real fucking helpful, Jeremy..

[@andersonneil2293]

Cuddle Spooks actually it was pretty useful for me. I learned that there was 2 cracks, though I had no idea where.

[@decaf4450]

Neil Anderson well, me too, but this isnt just audio though

[@andersonneil2293]

Cuddle Spooks I listened to it yesterday via audio. Just was watching the start to see the specifics

[@gummyhaya]

What do you want him to say, the upper middle quadrant? Like it hardly matters.

[@decaf4450]

CRACKA JACK he could've said that it was cracked and leave it at that, but it was just a joke :P

[@Wolffang731]

Ryan Pumpkin Puncher Haywood

[@Providence83]

Ryan the pumpkin punching guy

[@grizlerber]

Providence83 death battle pumpkin puncher vs horse puncher.

[@Ytomany]

Why the fuck is this comment so popular lol I don't understand

[@KingGayCockroach]

Ryan The Pumpkin Haymaker Haywood

[@johnosorio3243]

Wolffang731 Gavin "The holder(not going to hold jack shit)" Free

[@iCantSay]

Everything with Gavin, Micheal, Jeremy and Ryan is always gold.

[@starkman8773]

3:35...... sometimes Im michael, sometimes im jeremy

[@likedislike7567]

Starkman87 *I'm. *I'm.

[@mildlyamusinggirl6937]

Conall T Congrats on your basic understanding of the English language! Want a sticker, champ?

[@erica5612]

+Conall T Conall, my man, how unnecessary are you today? It's something you need to ask yourself...

[@likedislike7567]

Starkman87 No! I want a cookie!

[@likedislike7567]

MildlyAmusingGirl You think you are pretty amusing don't you... ;)

[@timinimification]

5:53 Michael contemplates glassing Gavin with the broken end of his favourite glass.

[@loladgomez]

gavin: who do you think out of us will have a kid next? michael was looking directly at him like 'dont you fucking dare spoil that lindsays pregnant'

[@mr.strider6497]

"I'm gonna fuckin' beat you to death! I'm gonna beat you to death in a goddamn Aquabats costume!" This has got to be one of my new top 5 favorite Achievement Hunter quotes.

[@Nikki8548]

lmao at about 5:50, Gavin is admiring Michael's new shot glass.... Nope. Not a shot glass, Gavin... it IS, however, gonna be the biggest piece of evidence when they're investigating your murder.

[@acel390]

both the motive and the murder weapon

[@Mach15ghost]

YuzukiShizu looking at Michael's face when Gavin said that, I legit thought the same thing

[@jilles13nl]

i honestly thought for a second Micheal was gonna stab at Gavin based on the way he firmly grabbed it and turned towards him.

[@Nikki8548]

Oh god, me too. and you can't see how he's looking at Gavin there, but you KNOW it's terrifying

[@fufufuaru]

lol true, it really looked like Michael's gonna shank him

[@vadoom3353]

Gavin: let me move all the drinks out of the way moves them exactly where the pumpkin would go if he doesn't hold the pumpkin proceeds to not hold the pumpkin Good thinking gavin maximize mess and comedy

[@Chuzado_117]

Vadoom 335 well to be fair that was mostly Ryan's fault... after re watching this Gavin tells him to come in from the angle meaning in front of him... he was expecting to punch to go towards Gavin and if it did that mightve changed things but then Ryan swings from the side and off goes the pumpkin

[@Chuzado_117]

right here Ryan is putting part of the blame on him but in yesterday's podcast they mentioned video footage of it and immediately started blaming everyone but him lol

[@powerful7845]

What podcast?

[@DGGRevolution]

To be honest, at this point they shouldn't trust Gavin when he says "I'll hold it."

[@Pixlriffs]

I always listen to the audio podcasts first, but so frequently Off Topic has those moments you just *have* to see in the video version. I feel so bad for Michael, and kinda bad for Gavin and Ryan... but this is hilarious, and it's great to see them take it all in such good humour.

[@GOWvMatchstick]

Oh hey

[@shatteredreality_513]

For some reason, my instincts wanted them to escalate the situation. "GAVIN! THROW A DRINK IN HIS FACE! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

[@CButtonshaw]

fight fight fight kiss kiss kiss lol

[@Isaygoodday5]

Jessie R. so you wanted to see Gavin get his ass kicked?

[@OfficialSilverMoon]

Jessie R. KISS KISS KISS

[@morgancooper5342]

43:48 Gavin asking who they think will have the next child, knowing it's Michael. The look Michael gave Gavin. Priceless!

[@bustedkeaton]

"I'M GONNA BEAT YOU TO DEATH IN A GODDAMN AQUABATS COSTUME" now THERE'S a stretch goal for Extra Life.

[@DjinnCrimsora]

Just by seeing Michael dressed up as one of The Aquabats in the intro, I already consider this the best episode ever.

[@Wogle]

To be fair... Michael took that pretty well.

[@Xillien13]

At this moment Gavin knew..... He fucked up.

[@jilles13nl]

ikr, fireworks aren't even sentient beings.

[@ssjsmurf]

Extra life goal to get jack to play the VR game?

[@JohnKerns91]

we can only hope

[@poptart4325]

ssjsmurf soooo you wanna kill jack?

[@kidsmack1012]

"im gonna beat you to death in a goddamn aqua bats costume"

[@ELJadeFox]

This the first Off Topic that I watched. It's going to be fun ride.

[@tamingshem12]

MexicaKhight Welcome

[@barneyisbaked9498]

Me too. Seems a pretty good start.

[@iiGingiey]

3:09 is now my single most favorite shot of the entire off topic podcast history.

[@bolt492]

If its important and/or fragile, DO NOT let Gavin hold it!

[@mattgiordano6095]

"I'm gonna fuckin beat you to death, I'm gonna beat you to death in a goddamn aquabats costume" - Michael Jones 2016

[@markkostecki4558]

I feel like gavin uses all his luck at the same time (destiny) so the wrest of the time its just a shitty existence

[@likedislike7567]

Mark Kostecki *rest. *it's

[@markkostecki4558]

Conall T come on man

[@likedislike7567]

Mark Kostecki Theres an option to edit your comment.

[@erica5612]

+Conall T give it a wrest, Conall ;)

[@KingGayCockroach]

Yeah come on conall, its okay. Its okay man. ;)

[@pandas941]

"I almost punched my water but I didn't"

[@DDnufcGamer]

funnily, if Gavin did break Michaels phone, that would have been a phone and a monitor that Gavin (indirectly) broke. Which would still be worth less money than Geoff is wasting every day just by having his desk...

[@JohnKerns91]

lol

[@OOLLILOLL]

Good thing hes stinkin rich

[@NEEDbacon]

So now between this pumpkin and the monitor, can we just ban Gavin from holding duty? 6:45 Thank you Jeremey

[@abrokenkindofperfect]

"Who do you think will have a kid next?" Gavin knew exactly what he was doing he's terrible and it's hilarious

[@jebba96]

2:05 "I almost punched my water over right at the beginning". Little did he know

[@thorinvalhalla5665]

The fact that Michael dressed as an Aquabat makes me super happy.

[@chrissalim1]

"My life is a shenanigans"- Michael Jones 2k16

[@ginganinja2143]

My favorite part of this episode has always been Gavin breaking the tap. (10:20) 😂 I just love that so soon after that glass smash, he breaks something else while Michael watches.

[@MOISTblackHOLE]

3:09 that shot couldn't have been more perfect.

[@papayapoop]

remember when everyone hated Jeremy? idk, I just remembered that right now, because now he just seems to fit right in, and it's super neat. I'm glad he's an achievement hunter.

[@BasicallyBananas]

People hated the package of Matt and Jeremy. Matt is the true devil.

[@joeychaplin1184]

My Grandma Died He's really not, I love Matt.

[@ajesco]

Isaac Aguilar Heh, remember when everyone hated Ryan...?

[@GearsNerd13]

AJ The portal Mario and CTT I was just like who the fuck was this

[@ajesco]

GearsNerd13 Lel, remember when he won the Minecraft Potions Let's Play? Everyone went berserk.

[@pater157]

I love almost as soon as he punched the pumpkin the diet coke is off the table safe and sound

[@pandas941]

3:25 is now even more true after recent events

[@locochoify]

One thing that I think most people didn't think about is that Ryan avoided more damage when he moved his can of Coke.

[@ChronoTriggerHappy]

not a good grip? GAVIN, YOU MOVED YOUR HANDS AWAY WHEN HE TRIED TO PUNCH IT, THATS NOT GRIPPING IT AT ALL!

[@pokemonhack1]

"Cremation of a dead body is carried out at a temperature ranging between 1400 to 1800 degrees Fahrenheit. The intense heat helps reduce the body to its basic elements and dried bone fragments. The process takes place in a cremation chamber, also known as a retort, of a crematory." thanks gavin for making me look up something i didn't need to know

[@pineapplepizza679]

i was waiting for Michael to stab Gavin with his new "shot glass"

[@AlpakaWhacker]

I love the fact that the pumpkin that Jeremy Axe kicked was stronger than Gavin's desk xD

[@commissarcactus1513]

Now that is how you start an episode off right!

[@tiffanywalder7117]

10:30 Gavin “break everything he touches” Free 😂

[@BrandeeMack]

My new thing for every podcast with Ryan: watching his hand fidgeting. * sighs and rubs face * I've got to get more productive hobbies.

[@_Thred_]

Im glad Michael and Gavin cleared up the audio problems with the outlast videos. Sorry I was commenting that you guys were wearing your headphones backwards and just so you know Gavin, I did watch every outlast video and gave them all Likes.

[@PaperThinnGlennHall]

extra life goal jack plays Emily Wants To Play

[@lifeiscrap103]

3:10 Michael's infinite rage.

[@Skrubenz]

1:59:00 Nope, that's not true. Matt from Demolition Ranch made a video about that, disproving that myth.

[@Rizz_Messiah]

"I'm gonna fucking beat you to death!!! I gonna beat you to death in a goddamn Aqua Bats costume!!! You stupid fuck!!!" Easily Michael's best quote.

[@phatbastard0alkaline]

"Oh, you got a shotglas!" While michael is thinking: I should just stab him with it...

[@Walton1776]

Once children outgrow their booster seat (usually at 10 - 12 years old) they can use the adult lap/shoulder safety belt if it fits them properly. Lap portion low over the hips/tops of thighs and shoulder belt crosses the center of the shoulder and center of the chest. So Millie would be able to sit with out a booster seat.

[@blehp8602]

Jack won't play Emily wants to play in VR? I know what Jack can do for an Extra Life goal

[@JohnKerns91]

my thoughts exactly

[@raspberry3189]

The Destroyer (Beest14321) hehe

[@SircoleYT]

For anyone interested, there are waterproof phones with headphone jacks. Its not a major point of ingress. I've taken underwater videos with my old Kyocera Hydro Life (no case) for example. Removing the headphone jack didn't help with its ip rating much if at all.

[@nugking2021]

I just couldn't take Michael seriously wearing that costume

[@EternalxGuardian]

it makes me so happy that Michael is in an Aquabats costume

[@enjoymentgaming]

"I never asked for this" jeremy dooley 2016

[@smhpgh]

To be fair, Michael should've probably moved his glass because we all know how Gavin can be when you ask him to hold stuff

[@TheDragonaf1]

3 minutes in, already my fav off topic...

[@bishop3660]

The beginning is my favorite beginning of any podcast yet.

[@BrutalFates]

Gav a optician is someone that fits you with glasses at a vision store, lens crafters, visionworks

[@BrutalFates]

an optician does not check your eyes they are not a doctor.

[@becauselionsss]

Brutal Fates yes they do, you get your eyes checked at the opticians and they give you glasses - it's called an eye test

[@paigewaige3819]

you outdated meme, youre talking about an optometrist, who has nothing to do with the glasses bit at all. they just put shit in front of your eyes and ask which ones looks clearer. the optician is the person at the glasses place

[@becauselionsss]

In the UK you go to the opticians and get yours eyes tested and then get glasses

[@BrutalFates]

There is the Optometrist who checks your eyes prescriptions and such, there is the Ophthalmologist who went to med school and checks your eyes and can do surgery. Then the optician who measures your face and fits the glasses to your face, as well as putting together and selling the frames.

[@tomsogden]

why do i always miss this every friday, i literally pay for first membership and still watch on youtube

[@Chuckle_Balls]

Dunno why Michael didn't just hold his phone and glass.

[@kennyishere]

hindsight is always 20/20

[@Chuckle_Balls]

Kenny Steadman I guess I'm surprised he didn't think that what happened could have happened, given that's he's known Gavin for so long.

[@DDnufcGamer]

He was holding his phone, but put it in the 'safe zone' that Gavin created. The area of the table you'd imagine Gavin was going to protect when he 'held' the pumpkin xD. I just love how like Jeremy said, that for the 2nd time Gavin 'held' something, by just putting his hands on it haha.

[@Alpha6project]

I don't know why Gavin didn't just hold the pumpkin.

[@thiccen_nuggets3645]

he was holding it and still drop it

[@sjcrocker98]

Seeing Michael outraged with the screen infinity-looping on him WITH the Control message mostly visible, followed immediately by "I'm going to beat you to death in a god damned aquabat costume" - I practically fell the fuck apart XD

[@ArkhamJacks]

The galaxy s7 edge is even more water proof, and still has the headphone jack.

[@barneyisbaked9498]

Classic android user.

[@ArkSylv]

Gavin: "I hate being the cause for destruction" ... *Destroys shit on The Slow Mo Guys*

[@gringoalarico442]

Haywood you hold this Pumpkin Gavin?

[@janel2930]

love seeing friendly friends hangin out and filming it so I can also have friendly friends so I don't kms haha.

[@NexusDDD]

Gavin "Oh you got a shot glass." Michael prepares to stab Gavin with the 'Shot glass

[@Trickstress_]

Knowing now that Michael found out about Iris right before filming Manuel Samuel and telling Gavin and the look Gavin makes when they bring up filming it makes me smile :)

[@brandonmaloney9758]

you can see right when he's thinking about stabbing Gav with the broken glass lol

[@benstraughan2940]

The shockwave from a .50 Cal round actually isn't able to kill you. In reality, it won't do much. Demolition Ranch did a video on this specific topic, its super cool and is definitely worth a watch.

[@vantedmore1466]

i looooove when gavin is on

[@jmac4200]

quote of the year. "I'm going to beat your ass in a aquabats costume!!"

[@desaturatedyou]

I feel really bad for Gavin sometimes, being yelled at by everyone and what not. But I feel even worse for everyone that has to deal with his stupidity.

[@braydenj1327]

Why did Gavin not hold the pumpkin the side Ryan was punching towards?

[@Mittenssan]

Gavin should really learn that holding doesn't mean lightly placing your hands on an object

[@TheDeathNoteNear]

That Laurie and Cat stickers thing is pretty adorable.

[@SoulmetalKeyblade]

1:56:03 hardest cut i've seen in a while, i wonder what got said

[@masterxl97]

I love how Gavin is simultaneously too weak to hold a pumpkin and too strong to use a tap. He is just chaos personified.

[@nickkleinberg3143]

Love the aquabats costume

[@Feornic]

Michael got me hooked with that intro. I was not disappointed.

[@joshm5489]

I liked this just so they can have enough money to pay for all the damage

[@camerontrivett3808]

Josh M "they" it's gonna be Gavin

[@yael666___]

sick name

[@dudeitsannaagain]

I was listening to the podcast on the app, then Michael mentioned his costume and here I am. Michael's costume is everything. The Aquabats are rad.

[@EmmaFunsize]

Michael tried to drink water and the universe was like NOPE

[@SabreDance256]

Opticians are technicians trained to design, verify and fit eyeglass lenses and frames, contact lenses, and other devices to correct eyesight. They use prescriptions supplied by ophthalmologists or optometrists, but do not test vision or write prescriptions for visual correction.

[@naz4945]

Im with jeremy on the pronunciation of horror and horrifying

[@lovepuppy2242]

Goodnight Juliet same here mate

[@joeychaplin1184]

44:00 It was funny when Gavin asked who would have a kid next: Michael, Jeremy, or Ryan. Little did he know Michael already had one on the way.

[@ZedChuva]

They need to start drinking more again. Chaos didn't happen like this when everyone (minus Ryan of course) was drunk. Still... best opening to a podcast ever.

[@AnalogField]

Was anyone else listening to the audio podcast, but then came to the video after the glass broke?

[@jackfry]

Me 😂