Off Topic: Ep. 15 - Never Skip Ass Day

The AH Crew sits down to talk about Spider Man in Civil War, The Culling, Funeral Staging and more on this week's Off Topic! This episode originally aired March 11, 2016 and is sponsored by Warby Parker (bit.ly/1QKaZYt) and KZbin Red (bit.ly/1Giz0o7)
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Off Topic: Ep. 15 - Never Skip Ass Day
/ achievementhunter

[@90msg90]

TIMESTAMPS. 1:15 - 1:30 - Jeremy has very smooth skin 1:48 - 1:59 - HDWG: freezant 2:26 - million dollar homepage 3:35 - Captain America Civil War discussion 6:25 - Better Call Saul discussion 8:47 - Sleepy Hollow discussion 10:58 - social security discussion 11:40 - 12:09 - Gavin's social security 12:30 - Gavin's future 19:19 - 19:55 - grave with Google Fiber pt. 1 19:55 - funeral discussion 24:00 - 24:18 - Gavin's nose xray and moving it 26:40 - 28:35 - never skip Ass Day 28:37 - Geoff is not happy recently 29:20 - 29:30 - Gavin's treadmill turns the lights off 30:05 - new video with ScrewAttack - Mario Kart 35:40 - Hitman discussion 39:25 - 39:45 - HDWG: Ghostbuster discussion 39:25 - Ghostbuster discussion 40:41 - Let's Watch - The Culling 47:10 - AD READ - Warby Parker 48:15 - 48:20 - HDWG: Jack during ad read in sponsored glasses 49:38 - 49:43 - Jeremy in glasses 52:52 - 53:35 - guy in plane reading from iPad through magnifying glass 53:35 - Michael's bagel story - guy in a plane 57:00 - Jeremy's bandaid 57:53 - 59:08 - Jeremy's bandaid story 59:59 - 1:00:27 - grave with Google Fiber pt. 2 1:05:20 - nobody ever had sex in space - space discussion 1:06:00 - 1:06:15 - sex in space impressions 1:07:40 - Achievement Hunter rule 34 mention 1:08:41 - 1:09:04 - fanfic about Jeremy 1:12:06 - AD READ: KZbin Red 1:12:21 - 1:12:38 - HDWG: KZbin Red 1:13:30 - 1:14:05 - prank o Jeremy pt. 1 1:14:10 - funhaus mention 1:15:13 - 1:15:30 - HDWG: sweet 1:15:30 - 1:15:54 - prank o Jeremy pt. 2 1:16:40 - 1:19:05 - prank o Jeremy pt. 3 1:19:05 - funeral discussion continued 1:26:18 - preserving artifacts 1:28:20 - living in Austin 1:29:25 - tatoos discussion 1:32:50 - mouse traps 1:36:10 - 1:38:00 - RT Live goal - punching Gavin in the face 1:38:10 - 1:39:20 - "Mariah Carey" signature 1:39:20 - signatures discussion ============================ Gavin Free: Sphinctal Aroma Therapist ============================ 1:44:00 - 1:44:05 - Jeremy in the outro

[@hakeemsesay15]

Can I hug you??? And more....

[@jestemwlodzimierz]

+90msg90 What's HDWG?

[@krablord]

+90msg90 Bless you for this, it's so much easier to skip their movie discussions and ad reads with this guide

[@90msg90]

+jestemwlodzimierz How Do Words Good - a compilation of flubs and awkward situations from probably all Rooster Teeth clips made by HemboHero.

[@jestemwlodzimierz]

90msg90 Thanks

[@Saltygunar]

you know you've become an adult when you actually enjoy the conversation about social security and retirement

[@ruinfox4108]

honestly i loved the convo and im 21 lol.

[@wombat6707]

Am I the only one who thinks Jeremy looks like someone that would give amazing hugs?

[@Bobo_Tapia]

Now that you mention it, yea, he does! =)

[@ThatnerdStella]

Jeremy wants his ashes to be used to grow a tree because then he can finally be tall

[@MissKuzara]

Jeremy's bandaid story needs to be an RTAA

[@Gospelsgamer]

i came for the spiderman intro but I stayed for the social security conversation

[@UbiMortus]

Jeremy's "intimate times" story is legendary!!

[@peoplecallmepeechez]

+Alexandru Ionescu RTAA hopefully

[@Gay3lephant]

+Alexandru Ionescu I'm excited for the inevitable animated.

[@MrMoustacheNinja]

This was literally my favorite episode of Off Topic! 😂😂😂 loved it so much and love this group! Keep up the awesome work guys!

[@foxhoundarma3]

I could see Jeremy as a spring-up prop and someone saying "who put Adam Kovic on a spring-board?"

[@AmoosementTV]

I know a lot of people enjoy Goeffs laugh but man Michaels laughter is definitely my favorite out of all achievement hunter 58:31

[@TforTomm]

I love that Jack is getting into Pokemon.

[@MrMoustacheNinja]

This was literally my favorite episode of Off Topic! 😂😂😂 loved it so much and love this group! Keep up the awesome work guys! Also can't wait for more Pokemon with Jack, Michael, and Jeremy! 😄

[@KhoroShogun]

28:31 ROLL CREDITS

[@juztubzyo6209]

ding

[@astroAntagonist]

this is always the best part of my sunday. being able to turn on the off topic podcast and just do shit around the house while listening to it. its always funny and the background "noise" always makes me more productive. I love AH♥

[@chaoticnachos380]

as a 16 year-old. the social security conversation was interesting

[@dogethe2nd410]

It was interesting to my 14 year old self.

[@MagWasTaken]

+tom Hiester You probably won't need to know anything about it by the time you get old enough to claim it. It'll probably be gone.

[@dogethe2nd410]

mhuizingh92 ok

[@bobroffman1893]

I'm ten and it was

[@koolycali]

Just wanted to mention they are wrong about what happens to social security if you die before you claim it. It goes to the deceased chosen beneficiary. My father died at 52 and I received checks until I graduated high school.

[@TylerH.45]

I don't know why but Michaels impersonation of old people makes me laugh the hardest.

[@poppyonline4034]

I love them too

[@obiigwe2904]

This may be the best Off Topic

[@SqpH]

+Obi Igwe No way

[@VideoSage]

I don't know how this happened, but Jeremy really is my favorite member of AH now.

[@thedarkinhell]

yea he is really cool, michael is still my fave tho

[@AllDarkness1]

+Video Sage Oh hey, sage is here.

[@TheBob232]

I never hated Jeremy but he is definitely becoming a favorite of mine as well

[@austinvanderveer213]

Gavin actually brings up a really solid point about Pokemon. I love the games, but they're way slower than they need to be.

[@alldayagain]

Open Caskets are pretty nice depending Like my Grandpa had an open casket And from when I could start to remember stuff to when he died, he was ruined by Parkinson's So to be able to actually see him not shaking for once was strangely very calming, because at least he wasn't in pain anymore.

[@matthewtroscianczuk]

New AH merch idea, underwear that says "Never skip ass day" on the butt

[@AngryMongo]

Michael - "I just started watching Sleepy Hollow..." (Exposition, Exposition, Exposition) "They wake up in present time, but I can't remember what city they are in..."

[@MechLock1198]

+Angry Mongo (AngryMongo) LOL I caught that too

[@agostinonet]

Jack looks/sounds like he belongs in an episode of Myth Busters

[@Plague_Doc22]

+agostinonet too soon

[@batmanexit13]

He reminds of Jamie

[@DrSpikeSpiegel]

He looks like Jamie and Adam's bastard child.

[@Znijik]

I can't stop thinking about Gavin's dead body rushing by on the Google Fiber while his adorable vroom sound is going on.

[@He1006ro]

55:36 - Michael's Bagel Incident RTAA

[@xXGodofTecknoXx]

Thanks babe

[@hoodedsmoke]

Dude I love your videos.

[@shirayuki00A]

I had to stop the video and catch my breath this was the funniest podcast I've seen so far.

[@tychoazrephet3794]

The best part of Jeremy's sex story is Michael silently laughing for about ten seconds, then violently bursting out into fully fledged maniacal cackling. Also, in regards to doing cool stuff with your body when you die, the greatest thing I've heard is what the inventor of the Frisbee did. When he died, he was cremated and his ashes mixed into a vat of plastic, and that was used to make limited edition commemorative Frisbees.

[@KatiesCogitations]

I fucking love the intro/outro song.. I feel like I've made it to the end of a journey when I hear the theme come back at the end lol..

[@cmk9089]

Is it weird that I enjoyed listening to them talk about social security and shit

[@ckolesa9773]

+Fake OG I did too, and I'm even 15.

[@cmk9089]

Cameron Kolesa Yeah i am 17

[@gracedandelion8070]

+Fake OG Not at all, they're honestly discussing an important topic that may apply to a number of their viewers. I've always appreciated simple but informational discussions like this.

[@jefferylopez4030]

I laughed way too hard at the point where Jeremy couldn't find his beer. XD. He looked like a cat on the prowl several times hunting for it. His eyes were so attentive and yet it still took him over 4 mins. to find it. LMAO. Classic.

[@LarsMacReady]

"You saw my soft skin and then pictured me banging" - Lil J

[@ronayne1996]

+Lars MacReady I thought he was gonna say "You saw my soft skin and then imagined my foreskin."

[@projectfreelancer90]

"Hello! Here's a game that we haven't finished! It's this concept that we call 'Episodic'! It's totally not still a wip!"

[@AceTrainerKris31]

I love how nobody laughs at Jeremy's jokes. He really did replace Ray

[@DrentifulGaming]

Oh my gosh during the ad read for warby Parker and Gavin leans right in front of jacks box. That was the greatest thing ever. Lol

[@ElementalxNovak]

Getting out of bed is overrated

[@taylorbeckett9686]

I'm still in the air! More like I'm still in the bed.

[@drako5684]

+Taylor Beckett 👌

[@inlaricrontherooster5070]

+Artorias アビスウォーカー leaving this abyss is underrated ;)

[@benmealer7656]

Gavin's zero gravity banging theory and Michael's reply that I don't know enough about it just reminds me of Charlie talking about smoke turns into stars and Mac's just like I know its wrong but I don't know enough about stars to dispute it. Love Off Topic!

[@ThatnerdStella]

im really looking forward to this mario drinking race video

[@Stincinati]

+GameInsomnia Same its going to be great

[@MJRsc00ts]

I love how Gav at the beginning looks directly at the camera and nods

[@brandonwardlaw8250]

From this episode the game Genital Jousting was born

[@North862]

This was freaking great I always love watching these

[@justinstevens2069]

im 15, have a debit card and starting my new job. the beginng was actually very informative to me because these are things we as americas youth, need to learn. =D

[@justingentry1716]

omg i died laughing watching jeremy trying to find his beer and i have done the drinking game for mario kart that they were talking about before

[@alansmyth94]

i hope they do that zero gravity video for 1 million subs

[@taylorbeckett9686]

I hope they do it tmrw

[@100blueeyedboy]

my strat for that mario kart drinking game is down as much as you can at the start, catch up, try and get to first and stop again at the start of the next lap, drink more, repeat. and drink whenever you fall off the road

[@AttisSoul]

Gavin pull a Steve-o and get a self portrait tattoo on your back :P

[@SpencerLee97]

The shot of Jack looking at the beer was top.

[@Dunoid]

1:05:22 fun fact: only three people have ever died in space.

[@kenneyshepard4511]

+Dunoid Yep, decompression after valve failure. Don't trust dem Soviet made cheap shit.

[@Dunoid]

Kenney Shepard The Soviets truly set the bar when it comes to shit not working.

[@ChestOfDoom]

they also set the bar when it comes to winning the space race

[@Redbeedrill]

I really enjoy them talking about stuff. Even the stuff I would normally not be interested in. They make everything viable entertainment for me.

[@skiwithu]

I might be late, and they probably won't read this, but the zero-g plane is in Austin this year October 15, 2016. So, plan it boys.

[@SamVillano]

As someone about to go to college next year, the conversation about retirement is actually very relevant to me. Like, “Well, it's time to start figuring out what I'm going to pay into, and how all that's going to work.”

[@malevolution7041]

Jeremy would be a bonsai tree.

[@Dangerwiggles]

+xMalevolution Lol, that's great.

[@WhippperSnaperater]

When they mentioned how Meg was in the background, freaking out about Gavin getting punched out by Jack, I was so confused because I forgot that Meg and Gavin are dating, not Meg and Ryan.

[@robbierob106]

haha look at jeremy's cute little legs at 26:46

[@poppyonline4034]

His legs are thick though

[@koolycali]

I would love to see vlogs from gavin hearing that he films everything anyway.

[@BotchedGod]

LiL J is offically great.

[@mariekt313]

off topic never fails to entertain. so excited I have almost 100 left to watch

[@Diphenhydra]

I skipped through half this video and was so confused when the google fiber thing showed up

[@FunkyHonkyCDXX]

Ok, the ad read for the glasses thing was freaking hysterical.

[@WIImotionmasher]

How is Geoff Captain America. Geoff is clearly Ironman. Both of them are alcoholics

[@angelgodinez3441]

+xTimeswordx Gavin would be capt merica cause irony

[@charlieambrose25]

+Angel Godinez Jeremy would be Ant-Man because he's small.

[@donaldmcronald6796]

when micheal laughs at 2 times speed, its the best thing ever

[@bobonung]

It's not gay if it's on the moon!

[@taylorbeckett9686]

It's not gray on the surface of the moon!

[@skodass1]

most well equiped hospitals will have a diesel genny in the basement in case the power goes out for longer periods of time (usually around 24 h minimum run time) which is why its one of the best places to be while in a national or regional emergency

[@Roxas80]

Gavin is kinda right RDJ had a minor role but he managed to argue for a bigger role.

[@Kbchick1]

Michael is so cute, trying on all his cute glasses. ADORABLE lol

[@ThatnerdStella]

gavin could get slow mo guys tattoo and film it for slow mo guys

[@ThatnerdStella]

Not A Ricer damaging? im not following that concept at all here.

[@ThatnerdStella]

Not A Ricer ... maybe wanna do some research before you speak. its not damaging at all if done properly and if you take the proper care after getting it done... the only time is dangerous is when you get it done in a shady way or your just plain moron about how you handle it. so its only damaging if your moron, like everything else generally ....

[@MaeauraAlexander]

I've learned through Off-Topic: I'll listen to AH talk about anything; poop, mortgage, air miles, flying, broken bones, death... I haven't heard anything off putting yet.

[@viciousstrider]

Jack can spoil a show for others really fast

[@TheZigzagman]

He did give a lot away, but none of it was really spoilers.

[@manticorephoenix]

Truth be told none of them Know how to describe a show or other series, Mike kinda knows the points to make, Gavin acts like he doesn't even know what the fuck a TV is so he just asks ridiculous questions, but Ryan is the worst though cause he just hates everything and gives no reason and they just trust it

[@drive2160]

+gdb21 true I never bother watching those movies since I don't like much on marvel

[@viciousstrider]

nah i've seen it, just lookin out for others...sorta

[@coltenklima6809]

+VICIOUS STRIDER peronally i think after 2 weeks of something being out it should be fair game for spoilers, if somebody was really interested in watching it they would make the time to watch it rather than constantly putting it off and getting angry at anybody else who talks about it

[@joshuasantos7305]

I use to work for American Airlines here in Austin, we'd vacuum the carpet after every flight. Everything gets cleaned and replaced when the plane touches down and unloads.

[@alextothehbro]

I'm transgender and trying to move to Austin from Ohio. It is reassuring to hear everyone from RT talk that city up and describe it as a very "do whatever you want" kind of place. Ohio is totally not like that and I have absolutely got to get out of here.

[@janel2930]

hopefully you can get out soon. best of luck! : )

[@alextothehbro]

+Jin l Thank you, I'm trying. Can't wait to get away from this place. It'll be worth standing in line for everything to deal with less snow too haha.

[@janel2930]

Aha yeah I live in the south so any snow we get is pretty rare and wild. It'll probably be worth it lol.

[@diegolegods]

+sexxaylexi Austin is definitely a great place to be yourself

[@diegolegods]

angelo commandatore that actually goes well with the story since they point out why they want to move

[@Darquan223]

When I was in high school we toured a funeral home, (don't remember what class it was or why) but I remember they had cardboard coffins for people who couldn't afford to buy a wooden one. There was still a $450 charge for the burial service though.

[@cameronthorby5799]

Anyone else watch Grimm and Sleepy Hollow about 2/3rds of the episodes and then stop giving a shit about either?

[@TomBombadil168]

+Cameron Thorby Still watching Grimm, started but never followed up on Sleepy Hollow.

[@CEFFYYNWA]

if gavin is more pissed in Mario kart than the state of decay video I can't wait for that

[@GDxGeneralKael]

Hovers over entire podcast... Sees no Geoff appearance... Is sad.

[@gamergrlthenoob1229]

Gav's thought at 19:23 was hilarious

[@SirBigWater]

Supernatural is not going strong

[@5115neo]

It hasn't been since season 5, tumblr took over

[@bakedallday840]

I learned more about finances than I've ever known

[@grannygumjobs8280]

Please get Ray on one of these

[@MarAnthem]

As much as I love Ray....As both a fellow PRican and a fan....I don't think he'd be as cool on an all talk show other than sportstalk/gaming talk

[@jlmurph2]

+HunterXtraveler Maybe you should listen to Internet Box Podcast.

[@ReachStudioPro]

Never miss the butts meeting. *Looking at Ray, Michael and Gavin*

[@sadesemolu]

6k likes & 66 dislikes. Oh my God!

[@terryversaw6286]

You mean Oh My Satan! ;)

[@Happy-TeeF]

You mean oh my Dark Lord ;)

[@GrumpSupport]

I just learned more about taxes and adulting in this video than I ever have in 17 years.

[@MegaKrage]

ill never buy episodic games...ever. its fucking stupid and a waste of money. give me a full fucking game. i don't want to wait to see the rest of the story. i want a full experience

[@jamesmol3634]

agreed

[@taylorbeckett9686]

Same here.. Just release the game. Telltale is alright I guess but I hate when other game companies do it

[@TheZigzagman]

Totally agree. Game companies only understand numbers. The only way to discourage episodic gaming is not to pay for it.

[@taylorbeckett9686]

***** If everyone just waited, the company would probably run out of money lol.... A lot of companies rely on income from previous episode to fund the next. Probably not Hitman, but other companies for sure.

[@drive2160]

+Taylor Beckett isn't destiny one of the worst examples when it comes to this I remember easily finishing the quest only to wonder why it's so short while the second part was me buying the game all over again

[@crimsonbeskar2478]

I am 15, and I loved the social security conversation.

[@Plague_Doc22]

Oh no they talk about overrated super hero movies that are all the fucking same shit over and over yet people are so fanboyish they dont see it.

[@chasebrady7457]

I'll have you know, good sir, that overrated super hero movies are the best super hero movies and I am totally not a fan boy.

[@dcresistance]

+Plague Doc I'm pretty sure Civil War isn't the same as Winter Soldier or The Dark World.

[@olejniczak12]

Oh look, Troll is obviously looking for comment bait, even though they gain nothing from it. And if for whatever reason they might gain some small, or slight emotional gain from it. They just prove that their life is pointless. Instead of facing reality, you hide from it and bully others online.

[@Plague_Doc22]

***** They change the setting and bam now it's apparently a new movie.

[@Plague_Doc22]

Hatts Games You forgot the #Hypersensitive at the end. I "bully" people online by saying I think their choice in movies are terrible but they dont realize it? lol ok...go get a hug from your mom and talk about how I was a meanie.

[@darrianweathington1923]

Jack punching Gavin in the face played out like a cartoon in my head...like Gavin and Meg get married, then Jack punches Gavin into a hospital bed and Meg immediately pulls the life support

[@foullily8325]

Im glad I'm considered a good fan, personal goal achieved

[@Scarlette126]

Gavin's wink at 1:15:43 is everything

[@PeakyPuffer420]

actually, the talk bout social security, retirement accounts and stuff was very informative for me. i'm 16, just to put it out there, so it was useful for me. cheers lads, and jack.

[@PlushieMutant]

Hi! I've taken courses in human dissection!! For future reference, disrespect of the corpse is a very serious issue in human dissection and there are a lot of rules put in place to prevent misbehavior. Donating your body for dissection is very useful for students and is much appreciated!! Thank you! : )

[@PolarBear543]

am i the only one who stopped what i was doing to listen to their social security discussion but zoned out for everything else?

[@temetnosce2099]

I feel like enough people haven't caught on to the weekly description for Gavin in the credits.

[@DrentifulGaming]

I hear about it every episode and always forget to check it. Lol

[@lizcheong]

new favourite off topic crew

[@DirtiNeedlsTalkDirtyToMe]

Honestly, being homeschooled and not having a set curriculum, listening to them talk about Social Security and shit is really interesting! I genuinely enjoy it.

[@esmeleader7576]

They need Gavin fleeing from social situations turned into an RTAA

[@ShyYogurt]

I'm 15 but I found the social security conversation great because my parents don't care to explain and we'll never learn it in school so having a bit of information is great

[@W1n5t0n20]

In regard to the cheapest way of being buried, when my grandfather passed away last year and we went to go pick out a casket, the funeral home literally had a cardboard "coffin" that they tried to advertise as "environmentally sound" but really its the "just fucking put me a box and throw me away" type of thing hahaha

[@manticorephoenix]

Thank you Michael for recognizing The Culling is Battle Royale inspired, glad someone knows

[@whynot6262]

love the social sec talk guys. useful and still somehow entertaining

[@scubareece]

How have I never noticed the "sphinctal aroma therapist" credit to Gavin befor, that's amazing.

[@gvesgaming3582]

At 37:08, when Jack talks about the balcony kill, is that the one from Andy's (from OusideXbox) playthrough? Hitman Gameplay: Paris - 3 Ways to Play at 11:45, for reference.

[@dominicmorris819]

18:10 I'm 15 and I was loving it hahaha