Off Topic: Ep. 13 - You’ve Aged Like a Heroin Addict

The AH Crew sits down to talk about PrEP, Chinese Movie Racism, the oddly pagan Jägermeister logo, and more on this week's Off Topic! This episode originally aired February 26, 2016 and is sponsored by MVMT (bit.ly/1SsrdIy) and KZbin Red (bit.ly/1Giz0o7)
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Off Topic: Ep. 13 - You’ve Aged Like a Heroin Addict
/ achievementhunter

[@jstephen1]

"The only way anyone else is leaving Achievement Hunter is in a body bag." That's the best Geoff quote ever

[@shattteredporcelain]

its how Aleks left

[@killdavies709787]

Aleks is cowchop

[@imyourfriend4317]

4 years later and this has been proven untrue

[@RedJLP]

@@imyourfriend4317 Though that wasn'treally Geoff's fault

[@davidrojas7389]

@@imyourfriend4317 Didn't Geoff leave Achievement Hunter?

[@Sven3ST]

I love it when I'm waiting for Off-Topic to appear in my subscriptions feed and then by searching I find out it came out 50 minutes ago. Great job KZbin.

[@TxuZai]

+Sven3ST yeah get that a lot too.

[@Gmaninator10]

Glad to know I'm not the only one who's done the dick toilet seat slam. Thanks, Geoff.

[@TannSquid]

+Gustavo Agosto I've done it twice. Each time I thought my dick was going to fall off.

[@TannSquid]

+TannSquid I should specify that it was accidental.

[@shivdesai8978]

+TannSquid why would you try it a second time

[@zigzag11875]

+Gustavo Agosto That's my biggest fear, the toilet seat ripping my dick off.

[@Windrunner007]

+Gustavo Agosto HOW IS THIS A THING I'm a chick and I cringed out of my skin at that story

[@benjaminjandt49]

"You only rip on people you have mutual respect for" "Yeah" Geoff: (Immediately) "No"

[@ItsMichaelReid]

Jeremy in this vid is like that kid in a parent teacher conference

[@RoximRox]

The range of emotions that played across Michael's face when the titular moment happened (36:50) was priceless. Just absolutely amazing.

[@Ozzmaster2112]

"that guy thinks consequences is a food" -my favorite thing Lil J has said to date

[@goodmorning8674]

this is like two pairs of gay dads trying to adopt jeremy

[@goldstarofvenus1861]

"I'm adorable!" -Jeremy Dooley You are not wrong.

[@temetnosce2099]

I'm looking forward to Jeremy's gradual transformation over the years from good-hearted chap willing to let that stuff roll off his back to either an angry, psychotic lunatic or possibly just a broken-down, defeated man. Which way will he go?

[@AsianGamerKenji]

So a Ryan or a Jack

[@paxcallow]

looks like we went the first route!

[@TheChapelx]

He's become a weird combination of Lindsay and Ryan

[@PyrotechNick77]

And now he's left

[@thekidchef3795]

The part where Michael quoted from the end of Off-Topic 63 is 32:46 You're welcome

[@REILLY3883]

Mackenzie Kiem thx

[@RisingAssassin]

Thanks!!

[@miguellg9348]

Thank god. I was losing my mind trying to fint that moment lol

[@zakkeith1508]

Jeremy from AH and Jeremy from FH look almost identical from the wide angle.

[@stevenjasso7031]

Zak Keith i thought the same

[@zakkeith1508]

I realized that his name isn't actually Jeremy. They just said it cause he looks like AH Jeremy

[@brysonfrank6476]

True story, Bruce actually changed his name from Kitty to Karen. He also traded in his MG for a white Chrysler Laveran. Two days later, the song Short Skirt/Long Jacket came out written about him. That's why he changed his name again to Bruce.

[@Daugust77]

was he wearing a short skirt and a loooooooooooooong jacket?

[@brysonfrank6476]

Augie Oberkrom yes

[@seantaylor2683]

+Bryson Frank *Chrysler Lebaron

[@maxwell9211]

I forgot how fat and angry Geoff was when he was drinking

[@EruptionFang]

I see Jeremy learned Shadow Clone Jutsu

[@ironmanultron7056]

KAGE-BUSHINO JUTSU

[@aboubaahshour593]

+EruptionFang is it weird that i was playing naruto while watching this

[@hockeyplaya0021]

They are training Jeremy in film culture quite well actually

[@generictimestamperstupendi9021]

Tbf fair, its not training as much as negative reinforcement and shaming

[@mxechx]

This video has been up for 10 minutes how the fuck have you people already watch it and commented

[@JoshinGamer]

Sponsors

[@Peter-in4do]

It's been available for a few days either from the livestream or the audio version

[@GuzzyBear]

I usually comment as I watch to other comment thread when something funny happens lol.

[@TJskillz169]

+LoveAndStuff so you watched or listened to it there, then came to the youtube video just to make a comment? Idunno, seems a little odd.

[@HauntingPeace]

I don't have to watch it because of course Jeremy shoehorned his way into a standard 4 person podcast. Fuck that guy.

[@batmansprotege1569]

i rate this podcast 4/5 beards

[@Beesechurgerr]

Goddammit Michael

[@BBoyDrkNova]

HAHAHAHAHA

[@khl.2335]

I feel like Michael's evil cackle laughter has kept me afloat through a lot of hard times. he's got the best laugh. its both entertaining and attractive? and definitely unique

[@Astonkid08]

Geoff is literally the best part of the podcast, every week he has horrible shit hes done in the past

[@Eorzat]

+Gunningyoudown If Geoff just wrote down all this shit, he could have a pretty good book on his hands.

[@RisingAssassin]

I love how concerned Michael got when Adam said he's aged like a heroin addict.

[@mholden020]

I love these conversations where they go over Jeremy's movie history. It makes me feel good to know that other people get that kind of treatment for not seeing movies lol

[@BronsonFan111]

+Athalon304 It's a kind of bad feeling but it's still funny.

[@stig4prez51]

i still have no idea who funhaus is or where they came from they just kinda showed up one day

[@zakaryfoley1801]

Look up inside gaming and watch the older videos, they worked for Machinima but left then Rooster Teeth hired them or something.

[@SlimTheydy]

they are the survivors of IGN who were saved by the wise and magestic Matt Hullum and Burnie Burns

[@ScottThompson1996]

+Derry O' Connor IGN is an entirely different company, still alive and well, these guys are the old IG.

[@SlimTheydy]

Scott Thompson thats what i mean, before machinama turned it into its corporate slave (like every other channel in their web of lies)

[@LukeReturns]

1:04:43 Classic Funhaus joke. Love 'em.

[@jajjahshwwguqjq6099]

Fuck now my suggested videos are all about heroin addicts

[@martyn5939]

Same hahaha

[@RockZombieIAm]

Mine are about Bollywood actresses and I can't understand why.

[@Pritchman]

+Martyn “Martini” Allison Really? mines about Bollywood actors. huh.

[@jakomioftherose2434]

+Vivienne Christine That's funny: I get vids about people never revealing their age...

[@jajjahshwwguqjq6099]

+Jakomi of the Rose I got one about a dead Batgirl actress.....

[@still_overthinking1665]

I love Geoff is talking about how unprepared AH were and how they were being dumb. And Jeremy is just like "I don't know how much of this is me".

[@MikeCaputo]

I thought for sure that the title was a statement that someone said about Geoff. Boy was I wrong.

[@MCHellshit]

+Mike Caputo Apprently heroin addicts age well. Who knew?

[@salad6471]

MCHellshit but they really don’t

[@maybeedan5096]

Adam vs Australian History "Australians were fighting bugs, while people were getting gas'd" 10/10

[@TheRelentlessTroll]

I like how they made fun of Jack for not liking the Ghostbusters trailer, but when it came out, it was every bit as bad as everyone thought it'd be lol

[@KingGayCockroach]

Geoff: "churches holding smurf burning parties over ghostbusters 1" Jeremy: *absolutely confused and flabbergasted face*

[@ProfezorSnayp]

36:51 the quote you're looking for

[@mattdwyer2539]

This was amazing, I can't breath after watching this. Great job, keep it up!

[@BlockoStudios]

Dude's bathrooms can be warzones too. I remember I had the world's worst nosebleed after a wrestling practice and the bathroom was just covered in blood. Like handprints on the wall and a trail going from the toilet to the sink to the trashcan all over the place. This was the school bathroom, and a rumor went around for a while that someone was murdered in there. I didn't tell anyone that it was just a wrestling accident that caused it :^)

[@sfeinberg16]

Leo won the Oscar everyone I repeat Leo one the Oscar

[@sfeinberg16]

won*

[@Herbie_Cucumber]

How is that relevant to this video?

[@Scarecrowthedrifter]

+Herbie Cucumber its not its just news that people hink is relevant

[@AngryMongo]

+sfeinberg16 But who eight the Oscar?

[@Albertross21]

+Angry Mongo (AngryMongo) Naught me ;)

[@Abdulaziz-vf7gk]

RTAA 1:09:00

[@overestimatedforesight]

My hero

[@johannsalazar3853]

You saved me. You have my gratitude.

[@ToxicGaming-fv5go]

I didn't have my glasses on and it's 3:00AM when the video showed up I thought there were 2 Adam Kovics.

[@bigswordspikedhair]

I guess I can understand Geoff's concerns. He was in the Army. In there, if you act like a fucking asshat, your boss can chew your ass out, demote you and possibly throw you in the brig. Because of that, even the screwups can at least do their job with some semblance of professionalism imbued in them from Basic Training. He was there for five years, and then gets out to work with a British kid that asks hypothetical questions about the cognizance of legs.

[@radiocrooks5247]

When they were talking about how the new ghostbusters was gonna be good, I almost blew my brains out

[@AviatorMage]

Geoff is a horrible person and I love him

[@aaronm1370]

Aviator Mage I

[@hungh0]

3:10 Jeremy goes to take a drink since Bruce & Adam just did, but adjusts his shirt and puts the drink down as he becomes aware that he, not only just took a sip before, but was only going to take a sip because they did

[@wulfske]

The brainwashing Jeremy bit was the closest I’ve ever come to pissing myself from laughter

[@blakesimmons1289]

58:00-58:35 when micheal gets interrupted by Geoff his face was priceless and at one point he just cant take it and just bursts it out

[@johnnypt14]

Why is michael refusing to accept it and says "doesn't make sense" after Jeremy saying: "In a game I'm actually doing something"? You can't be more clear than that. As a huge movie enthusiast I find that to be a perfectly valid reason.

[@SmittyWerbenJager56]

The recommended vids for this are spectacular

[@lukecurtis5850]

dont try to eat at the 1:00:00 mark, thats my lunch done

[@TforTomm]

'Is that the second one? Seen it!' Holy shit I love this podcast.. And Jeremy is a great sport about being ridiculed.

[@Puggle64]

Jeremy is so blushy and cute

[@tribot9688]

Nah a dunce. XD

[@WhiskeySanta]

Jesus Christ, the more Jeremy talks about his movie knowledge, the happier I get. You're not alone, sir!

[@DarkdevilKnight0]

No Geoff keep picking on Jeremy's terrible movie knowledge. He needs to know his folly.

[@mildlyamusinggirl6937]

"You should call your balls Robin Williams." That man was my childhood but I laughed for like 10 minutes.

[@AssassinOfEgypt]

Michael has literally told that exact same AOL story before on Off Topic. It almost seems like word for word.

[@ethanbrown1970]

how to make Geoff happy ask him what his top favorite drinks are and put them in a glass

[@ktcrvdpoak]

how did mvmtwatches not notice they had the word twat in their name?!

[@ZephytheDragon]

36:50 Title drop.

[@Shadow-ue6fq]

The fucking title of this video is giving me some weird recommended videos

[@kitsunefire1]

I love when they shit on Jeremy and Jack. ...Because I'm Jeremy and Jack in my group of friends. I can tell you, when they're not shitting on me, I get VERY nervous, like, "Oh no, did I fuck up?"

[@20DollarGoldPiece]

Only came here for Funhaus

[@crpineo]

+MK ULTRA SOLDIER II we don't care

[@nizzleprizzle9783]

Ew

[@GarboSweaty]

Have you told your parents that you're gay?

[@JohnKerns91]

dirty nazi

[@jaysekhon8014]

+MK ULTRA SOLDIER II Zoinks! My dipshit meters are off the charts!!!!

[@TheRealAlpha2]

Plot twist: the winner of the Wrestling tournament is actually Screwattack.

[@catchingbird1]

I love how Michael reads the ads

[@purplemacaw4189]

its great host read adds are the best thing to happen to internet adds

[@mattwebi]

*insert brand relevant activity here*

[@blonderuby]

people always talk about how Geoff's laugh cures cancer but Michael's laugh is totally underappreciated... it probably cures AIDS, or at least AIDS potbelly.

[@assistantmagus5213]

"This is my fucking chair"

[@BloomingSakura]

"What a waste of a trip to Hawaii" (in reference to Andy's trip) - Geoff, played a ton of Fallout Shelter when he went He was joking, right?

[@JacobTheLoofah]

"I guess I had a greasy weiner." - Adam Kovic, 2016

[@AColdPotato]

+Jacob The Loofah Just like Matt (According to Lindsay)

[@gdshark9558]

when you're watching off topic on your phone and you accidentally touch the bar and you're back at the beginning

[@SmythJunior]

Only an hour thirty? I feel robbed.....

[@MikeRotch24]

54:25 LMAOO he was asking the wrong person..

[@CalmThrill]

Michael has the greatest laugh haha 32:22

[@Pika_Pika_23]

I literally saw that skull drinking glass on wish 10 mins before I watched this episode, So I was really confused for a sec.

[@Marblez3]

According to Adam, Australia wasn't involved in WW2 rofl.

[@josefsieffen18]

+Marblez3 I think he meant they weren't involved with nazis. Australia dealt with Japan almost exclusively. As far as I know, Britain kept as many Australian soldiers as possible in Australia because they were under threat of invasion.

[@Marblez3]

josefsieffen18 500,000 Australians fought in Europe. And considering Australia only had around a 6 million population at the time, that's a lot.

[@josefsieffen18]

***** Wow, how many were in the Pacific then? I figured they were readying up for Japan by then.

[@Marblez3]

josefsieffen18 When Japan attacked Australia a lot of troops pulled back to the pacific. But until then a lot were in Europe, The Mediterranean and North Africa.

[@josefsieffen18]

Man, there is no mention of Australian troops in Europe in any source I've found, and I'm a WW2 history buff, so that's saying something. Pays to be a Brit, I guess.

[@TheMCRmy4ever]

"You ever see Iggy Pop? He's a 112 and has a six pack!" I died

[@ElmGarfield]

His name is Robert Paulson.

[@theswaff699]

context?

[@thejew1214]

In project mayhem, we don't have a name, in death we have a name. His name is Robert Paulson

[@zgillet]

I'm fairly certain there is only ONE "Aliens" movie.

[@Riskbreaker_Riot]

What is this???? Bruce wearing pants????

[@DarkCraig409]

"They are uh found a ark." - Jeremy Dooley 2016

[@mothecat7670]

is that the chardee macdennis game board behind Michael I see???

[@austin31bennett]

That's what I thought haha but I zoomed in and the writing doesn't say "level 1, 2, 3" :/

[@pixelsheep1552]

John Risinger is in the movie, he one of the ones discussing LAZER TEAM after they get the weapons on On the Spot

[@dylandunagan7760]

they should play civ against each other it would be so good

[@robertjencks3679]

yes. a thousand times yes.

[@joeyriojas1097]

"army of darkness" & "kung fury" are amazing movies

[@c.davidwreath9628]

cancel the regular crappy RT podcasts and just bring this group in every time, gold

[@aaronxaf6018]

Or both ?

[@guifrakss]

+C. David Wreath Or maybe you could just... I don't know... not watch the regular podcast

[@tiberius3602]

The whole "roasting" of Jeremy is basically how my high school experience is.

[@KrisTHFC26]

Shut up Jared

[@tiberius3602]

+Cor Blimey Yep, just like High School.

[@Dylan_Wee]

Why wasn't this in my sub list?

[@Rando0]

yes, same happened to me.

[@ZombieBry36]

I'm literally wearing the same loot crate shirt the real Jeremy is wearing right now...

[@JCisKing1337]

19:12 Sorry but I can't suppress the Australian in me. Australia sent many thousands of men to fight and die in North Africa and Europe over two years before America even started fighting. We aren't some distant Island nation ya fackinG kants! Although we do fight bugs a lot. Edit: I know there were Americans fighting in many armies before December 7th 1941

[@JCisKing1337]

HertzyandEunice I guess it comes from a general feeling that some Americas oversell their roll in world history and undersell others. I specifically got worked up because Adam's remark (although meant well), ignores the sacrifices of many good men and women.

[@sirrodney61]

+HertzyandEunice we are very proud of our short history and servicemen.

[@Hallelujahmkay]

+Idi Adam does that a lot. Can't really fault him for it, though. If all you ever see is the American version of history, a lot is going to get overshadowed.

[@BeansJar]

+Idi It's very true, Australia had it tough especially with Japan getting so close, the British couldn't of done a lot without the help from Australia etc. and I wish more people knew that Edit: In Europe and Northern Africa, I don't know about any other conflicts which involved Australia

[@JCisKing1337]

***** Look up the battles of Tobruk and El Alamein as well as Operation Compass. Australia played a very prominent roll in the early North African campaign. Also many Australian troops assisted in Europe, but not to as great an extent as other theatres.

[@Spetia]

Nobody hates Geoff, all the young kids wish he was their dad, and everyone else around Geoff's age wish he was their brother

[@purplemacaw4189]

That feel when the ANZCs were in the war before the US

[@FunkyHonkyCDXX]

Beard, beard, beard, beard and Michael.

[@devmen6599]

I wonder what Michael would look like with a beard

[@ohnoanotherputz]

If the guys never talk about sounding again it'll be too soon.

[@exceleron7]

Lil J rocking the Deadpool lootcrate top!

[@charliekelly478]

i feel bad for jeremy, i bet he hasnt seen pokemon 2000

[@xpirate16]

Look at Michael's little baby face! There was so much beard in this podcast, and he's just over there with light gleaming off. I feel your pain Mikoo :(

[@statiq1941]

Funhaus is kind of just the more mature, more niche AH.

[@KCAssassin98]

+Statiq also they're better at improv

[@butterybiscuitz6936]

+KCAssassin98 But worse at humor

[@KCAssassin98]

The Great and Lovable Peridot well considering pretty much all of ah's comedy is improvised, no they're not.

[@TheZenMaster420]

I have tried the couch thing, and instead of meat I used petroleum jelly. 5/7. Perfect score.

[@AnimaTweek]

KZbin Red is not available in Australia yet...

[@mememachine6080]

Rip

[@seantaylor2683]

it's not even available in Canada yet

[@christiansarrazin4802]

+Anima Tweek Torrent the movie

[@AnimaTweek]

Christian Sarrazin i dont have torrent.

[@embersaffron5522]

just use redtube, same thing

[@serenityyen]

My Mother came in while I was watching this. I blamed everything on Funhaus. I feel a little bad about that.

[@Deaf_Sound]

why are these getting progressively shorter?

[@dutche7395]

Jeremy.

[@cademyers8321]

Surge

[@Deaf_Sound]

DutchE holy shit bud hahahahahahah

[@morgansheepman2403]

+Side Character7 gg

[@Raquya]

Geoff looks so... defeated. He looks like he's about to make that list soon.

[@Able0the0fox]

What's so weird about going to bed at 10?

[@wyatttyson7737]

Jeremy, Adam, and Bruce all look super alike.

[@ThePSNinjas]

Why the fuck are all my suggestions Bollywood News??

[@RockZombieIAm]

Same, I have no clue 😂

[@icecreamisnice117]

Omg ikr...

[@donny_chang]

+ThePSNinjas Because of the "Heroin Addicts" in the title. Lol

[@CaptiveNick]

where do you live?

[@dewberte]

Ok cool. I thought someone had stole my account and watched a bunch of Bollywood shit.

[@ArgolasBowmaster]

Once again damn near laughed til I passed out.