ADHD Aha! | Not "dumb" or a "hot mess"... it's ADHD (Jenny's story)

Before getting diagnosed with ADHD, comedian Jenny Lorenzo felt like she was “dumb” and “not good enough” - a race car without brakes that left disaster behind. As she learns more about ADHD and how it impacts her, she’s pushing back on people who think ADHD is “a joke” and who don’t believe ADHD is real.
Jenny co-hosts the “Hyphenated” podcast, an English-language podcast about living in the hyphen that connects American and Latin culture.
On this episode of “ADHD Aha!,” she shares her take on how ADHD is perceived in Hispanic culture - and how frustrating it is when friends and her community don’t take ADHD seriously. Host Laura Key and Jenny also talk about forgetfulness and why people with ADHD might overexplain things.
Check out the “Hyphenated” podcast: www.jennylorenzo.com/hyphenate...
To find a transcript for this episode and more resources, visit the episode page at Understood.
www.understood.org/podcasts/a...
We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [e-mail].
Understood.org is a resource dedicated to shaping the world so the 70 million people in the U.S. with learning and thinking differences can thrive. Learn more about “ADHD Aha!” and all our podcasts at u.org/podcasts. Copyright © 2022 Understood for All, Inc. All rights reserved. Understood is not affiliated with any pharmaceutical company.

[@michelguyfortin]

21:50 I wrote about this on my blog as I experienced the 5 stages of grief in my late-stage diagnosis. As a friend of mine, someone who also was diagnosed late in life, said so eloquently: "One of the hardest parts of late-life mental health diagnosis is knowing how many bridges you burned while you were still on fire."

[@wendyhannan2454]

That’s so true, I get it .

[@rick881]

Holy crap. That is profound. Yikes.

[@spirit796]

It's sad and painful 😢

[@_ktbelle_draws_3223]

So interesting about the over explaining. This is a tough spot in my marriage because my husband will say "stop making an excuse for xxxxx" and I am like "I'm not excusing the thing I did, I'm just trying to tell you what I was thinking and why it happened" - so interesting this is possibly an ADHD thing. I was just diagnosed last week at 34

[@sunnydoom2726]

My husband has asked "why did you choose to do this thing that way" in more of a curious way and not judging. But my answer is usually "i don't know". Sometimes I walked the long way around the car because I was thinking about something else. Sometimes I have over thought a thing so much I just go "fine we are just going to do it this way because the thing needs to get done" and I guess this way seemed easiest/fastest. Only got diagnosed this year and I am 40.

[@Kapplerartbloomingdale]

I am a writer and because of adhd I stopped writing. Until recently, I was re-prescribed adderall and can finally think enough to write.

[@UnderstoodOrg]

We're so glad you were able to figure out what works best for you! 💙🤗

[@chcgostyle]

Thank you for sharing your story! 2yrs ago I was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. I'm 52yrs old and nobody picked up on it. It was only after PTSD from the death of my mom, that has helped exasperate it, and now I find myself "masking" all the time just to continue to appear "normal" to others. In hindsight, these 2 conditions have certainly cost me many jobs. I am still navigating through all this and appreciate what was shared in this video. Thank you!

[@vebjrnandresen6988]

This video touches upon so many things that have been buzzing in my head the last months. I got diagnosed half a year ago at 48 after a long time of suspicion, but I don't identify with the stereotypes as I have a good education, good job and recognized within my field. Many friends I have opened up to can't believe I have ADHD or they trivialize issues I have like it is struggles everyone has - to the point that I now feel like an ADHD imposter. Though I'm usually very open about everything, in this case I have learned to be very selective on who to open up to as it only drains my enegy trying to explain to others and it only makes me feel (again) that it is a moral issue with me. My wife is fortunately very supportive and told me that what's important is if the ADHD diagnosis helps me. It does! I'm now a lot kinder and understanding of myself when my executive functions fails, it meant a lot to my daughter (who also has ADHD) to hear about my diagnosis, and the medication makes getting through my workday a whole lot easier.

[@UnderstoodOrg]

Thanks for taking the time to share your story with us, Vebjørn Andresen.

[@amandawhitehead3343]

I am 62 and diagnosed 2 years ago. Its so hurtful to see so much information now. I missed so much life. Kids and family have been so affected. I still feel my pych and therapist do not really understand the impact that adhd has had in my life. Now st this age its much harder to manage.

[@LedgerAndLace]

AWESOME interview! I never made the connection between trauma and over-explaining. I think there's also the hope that "this time they'll understand." I think that "friend" did Jenny a favor by not making an effort to understand. I actually had something similar happen except that I just let the friendship go after I was told I needed to "build habits like a monk" to have more discipline so I wouldn't be so disorganized. No kidding, direct quote! I just realized that it was too exhausting trying to explain something to someone who didn't want to understand because she didn't care about my "excuses." The name of your channel is so aptly named, Laura!

[@janea4777]

High school was a nightmare. All the classes, all the organization required lol. I loved science but an hour a day was nuts. By the time I was fully focused, time was up. 🛎️

[@wallllleeeee]

As a medical professional with ADHD and a Latino, I live the struggle everyday! My wife is amazing and has read up on ADHD. She now “knows” about my ADHD and still has trouble accepting why I can’t just do what I have to do. I take meds and have done therapy for almost two years…the struggle is real. We need to educate the Latino community.

[@Allan_aka_RocKITEman]

I have long been 'bitter' {for lack of a better word} over the fact I was not diagnosed with ADHD until around age 38 {the diagnosis was around the second half of 1999}. I have for some years now watched other ADHD-related videos prior to this one. However, reading the comments under this vid, as well as a couple other vids I have watched this morning, makes me realize _many people_ were only diagnosed _much later in life_ than myself.

[@quadcom]

"she kept cutting me off", interesting, because interrupting people is an ADHD trait. She could have had ADHD herself and not known it

[@zoejuniperartists1191]

Recently diagnosed with ADHD at 49. My experience as a child was very similar to yours where it seemed like there was no way i could be one of them i was to “driven and focused”. Thank you for talking about this i super appreciate this conversation.

[@iam_nieshad]

Thank you so much for this! For years I have been trying to understand “what’s wrong with me.” I have sssoo many similarities to her story.

[@TheKelleyBunch]

I heard so much of myself in this video! Only just realizing this since my daughter was diagnosed. I am 48.

[@roysmith7087]

I'm totally feeling this whole conversation. I couldn't function on medication. Life is so frustrating. I set alarms for me to get things done. I'm on the edge of dyslexic. I absolutely hate math. I forget things right in the middle of speaking on the topic. Hot mess doesn't even cover how I feel about it. I'm good with physical jobs that don't require much thought 🤔

[@a-ms9760]

I'm careful who i tell what my shortcomings are (forgetfulness etc) in case they only look for and find those traits and ignore the positives. People see people with ADHD and other things as a liability even though i strive for near perfection to balance it out

[@redcardinal106]

The way she described her academic performance is on par with my experiences.

[@gijoyjoy]

Listening to this almost makes me want to cry because I relate to so much of this due to my late-stage diagnosis. Thank you for this video!

[@rmsf1072]

You reminded me of being shamed for having a messy cubby hole in my school desk, and how hard writing neatly is, among many other things... Thank you for being so frank, although I'm grateful for the beeps😅

[@Musika1321]

You described my life - everything - apart from I am working class English living in Scotland. Went to private school - I mean everything is the same...now crumbling under weight of a PhD. Disastrous decision for someone with ADHD.

[@parkbyrd]

Most excellent guest and interview! I guess we divergents share a great many things in common.

[@randallthomas5207]

I had a hard time writing, because I couldn’t get things on paper fast enough, to remember my train of thought. I’d be thinking through the fourth or fifth paragraph, and still writing the first sentence. By the time I got to the third paragraph, I couldn’t remember where I was headed. I knew that I had ADDHD about three years before the medical community added it as a diagnostic. I never felt stupid. I had an unquestionable thirst for knowledge, and tested high enough on every standardized exam, that the schools knew I wasn’t. The school tried to send me to the special school, in second grade. My parents required them to give me some type of standardized exam. So, I took an exam normally given to the fifth graders, to determine what classes they would need in two years when they got to Junior High. I had the second highest score of anyone in the district over the previous fifteen years, with an IQ in the 160 range. Their conclusion was I was just bored. Their response was to give me the work for the day, and when I finished that, I could go to the library for the rest of the day. Perfect Pre-SAT and SAT, but graduated 112/113 in my high school class. In the late seventies, when ADHD was a recognized diagnoses, and they had started prescribing stimulants as a treatment, I tried to get a prescription. I was a young adult in Las Vegas, with a steady job, trying to get speed, every doctor I saw thought I was a drug seeker. I finally “diagnosed” seven years ago at 59. I was having issues at work, and saw a psychologist, who after one session referred me to an MD for treatment. The MD is a mothers of three who raised three ADHD sons. We had a discussion, and about three minutes in she got out her prescription pad. Meds help, but I’m still not normal, and have to work hard at stying focused and on task. I found her “race car with no brakes” humorous. My supervisor, who is a retired Marine Corps Aviation Officer, describes me as, “High performance jet, with the throttles jammed at afterburner, and erratic control surfaces.”

[@Dorythefish13]

I think it's more like some neurotypicals don't understand ADHD, and although they think they understand - they feel that's a "you" thing, for you to overcome and act suitably neurotypical, because they cannot even conceive of accommodating someone else by altering their own behaviour

[@chrisk.4435]

As you were talking about this, it was like you were talking about my story! Thank you for sharing!

[@tinaquattrocchi75]

Oh wow I have PMDD. I didnt know that was a thing!

[@charlenewilley6481]

I have just found I have ADHD but first it was PMDD. Estrogen massively cause our Dopamine to bottom out days before our period and its for 2 weeks of my cycle I feel myself going down hill, Burnout and brain fog, Not patience, Fearing I had early dementia, Angry outburst and just like my life is out of control. My mum suffered the same. Also fibromyalga is something women with ADHD get peri menopause and menopause. We feel intensely our hormonal ups and downs.

[@killertofu88]

She could literally be me, except swap writing out with art/design. My evaluation appointment is in a month. So many emotions until I know for sure. 😓

[@prismonthethehorizon5793]

9:40 Yet if someone is visibly in a wheelchair that's real! Why can't people just see that it's a disability of the brain! The lack of understanding within society is problematic! The negativity and lack of understanding because they're hurling abusive language and projecting negativity at us knocks our confidence and ability to see ourselves in a positive light. Over explaining is a trauma response makes sense! 19:35**

[@foxymc01]

Sounds just like me, but I was no good at school . Over explaining myself constantly, I hate it when I've had time to think why WHY did I just do that. Yes, even the bad influence bit with couples. Their partners think I'll influence them too much. even the bosses bit. Animated gifts that I've spent hours doing and feeling disappointed when I don't get the response I wanted to. Yep, I had the period bit when I was younger . I was bloomin crazy before a period. It's a relief to finally be diagnosed at the age of 55 2 months ago. And yes, I too feel like I have RSD , and so many emotions and things that make sense now. One thing i want now is to be able to make my children proud of me. And I have more hope than ever that my life will not be like my mother's was. As I definitely think my mother had it , untreated made her crazy I think.

[@espookytales]

I'm so glad I came across this video! As a recently diagnosed adult, with Mexican/Salvadoran immigrant parents, I FEEL SO SEEN! The trouble with math, the always talking at school, but getting by because I was really good at last.minute papers writing papers minute and so much more. Being a hot mess 😅 but then not being believed. Thank you for sharing your story!

[@lorettacaputo6997]

Yes, over explaning. I never see an answer as being short, as I see more things involved in being part of the explanation for me and another to understanding the issue. See...even in the comment there is more to the comment than a short answer.

[@roysmith7087]

Personal space mess is totally me too

[@audreybertelson1972]

Thankyou guys

[@rmsf1072]

Thank you 💕

[@Allan_aka_RocKITEman]

FWIW, regarding locking yourself out of your residence or your vehicle: MANY years ago I got into the habit of _always_ locking _whatever_ I was exiting _with a key,_ and not by just closing the door with the lock already set. When I go ouside my residence or my vehicle I also always force myself to have my keys in my hand {or on my person} before doing so. Many years ago while at work I locked myself out of my car -- a Toyota Camry -- by bumping the door lock lever {without realizing it} while stepping out of the vehicle. The locks on this car slid 'forward and aft', not the typical 'up and down'. FORTUNATELY I had left the driver side window partially open, and a coworker was able to fabricate a 'hook' to unlock the door.

[@khimerapsycho3953]

ADHD SUCKS it makes it hard to do anything

[@charlenewilley6481]

Anybody else find that they are easily startled, My family think its funny. I actually feel like they are creeping up on me or trying to quietly enter. And they have been in the room for a minute, I honestly feel it in my core that sudden shock of being startled.

[@mariee.5912]

But interrupting is related with ADHD. I can see it both ways. People get upset when interrupted because they will forget what they're saying and the person interrupting trying not to forget. Hah, it's a cycle.

[@artisamdesigns5403]

Oh my god this sounds just like ME!!!!! 😢

[@wendyhannan2454]

Me too, thanks to Jenny for opening up about her ADHD, two very intelligent smart ladies here, I loved and enjoyed this video.

[@elisiaharbright3977]

Wow you are my twin. Thank you so much

[@piratsnygg]

Three hours? 😭 In my country an evaluation takes months! (But if you can afford a private clinic, I think it's about three full days.)

[@sunnydoom2726]

Can I be friends with this lady? We have so much in common.

[@Allan_aka_RocKITEman]

At about 07:39 in this video: *_"New Yorkers?! IN SOUTH FLORIDA??!!"_* Exclaimed NO NATIVE FLORIDIAN, EVER!!!! 😉🤭 {I have been living in North Carolina since 1995, but I was born and raised in St. Pete. I also lived in Dade County from 1988 to 1995...😊}

[@soozshooz]

What about ASD- Autism Spectrum Disorder? Did you test for that?

[@colleendeis928]

I’ve been diagnosed and I’m having a hard time getting prescribed stimulants. I understand that there is a neg outlook on stimulants but they’ve been the most effective. But this is the 3 healthcare professional I’ve seen that has avoided using stimulants and have chosen strattera instead. What’s a girl got to do to advocate for what I want?

[@sunnydoom2726]

The place I got tested at told me that if my Dr couldn't/ wouldn't prescribe stimulants to reach out to them and they would find someone who could. Thankfully, my GP is a really cool doctor. She just needed the documentation. If you have any docs from you diagnosis copy yhem and keep them somewhere safe. Best of luck to you to find someone who can get you what you need.

[@FullFledged2010]

Well I have adhd and for me at highschool math and science were the only things I actually could pay attention to. The rest felt boring and mundane AF 😅

[@joshsingleton711]

My son has ADHD and the number of people who say, "why do they have to diagnose everyone?", "why can't these people let boys be boys?" is ridiculous.

[@PokèMyBalls]

I was conceived on Birth control in the late 80s. I have been diagnosed with GAD, Depression, and ADHD as the most recent at 36. I am also an addict and have had childhood trauma. I believe that the birth control failing but altering my brain chemistry as I formed was the initial cascading event. Was anyone else that was diagnosed with these Disorders conceived while their Mom was actively taking Birth control?

[@sunnydoom2726]

There is a chance I was. I know my parents weren't planning on having me when they had me.