ADHD Real Talk: Why We Interrupt and Sidetrack Conversations | ADHD Q&A with Dr. Sharon Saline

[@403mtm]

I was just diagnosed at 46 years old. This is my whole life. As an adult I would talk to myself saying....self, Do NOT interrupt, focus, listen for 5 minutes and do not interrupt and I will last 1 minute, tops. I just started meds so we will see.

[@DrSharonSaline]

Good luck to you!

[@itsgonnabeagoodday2586]

Thank you so much, I am starting to feel more emotionally regulated in my everyday life. Your tips are great and videos are extremely helpful. I could watch them all day!

[@DrSharonSaline]

I'm so glad!

[@GrannyGooseOnYouTube]

One particular person was so gracious and wise...when I interrupted, they cut me off with the most genuine smile, saying, "Hold up, I DEFINITELY want to hear about that...just a second." I believed them, and although I was embarrassed that I'd interrupted, I didn't feel put down or scolded. I really try now to not interrupt; I never know when others can teach me something special like that. Lol

[@DrSharonSaline]

It's nice when people are kind. I'm glad you had that experience.

[@valroze1647]

This has been so helpful!

[@surbana9803]

Wow. Yes. The part someone mentioned about how hard it can be to hold in your thoughts while someone else talks for long periods of time. This is exactly IT. So when we're not about to get a word in edgewise, it becomes harder & harder to focus & actually HEAR what they're saying. Makes me wonder if it might work to actually tell them this, but frame it as, **I really want to be a good listener & hear what you're saying. For me to be able to do that, I need to be able to have an opportunity to speak intermittently. My brain is kind of like a balloon - if it gets too full, I can't take in anymore until I can let some of the air out on my end. Just wanted to explain that this is something I'm working on, so learning to take turns in conversations helps me to be a better listener & friend.** I think I've inadvertently chosen a number of friends who also have ADHD, so using this statement would probably help both sides.

[@DrSharonSaline]

I love your response--it's honest and real. Plus it deflates your worry about trying to remember and then not listening in the process. Thanks!

[@progresspedals]

This is helpful, allowing for some more reflection on a topic with much "pet peeve" and "symptom" overlap in my world. Also the cultural bit about lively "talmudic debate" - reminds me of a time we had to explain to our team leader that she might have less concern about her two Jewish male team members, an MD and a PSYD, arguing and interrupting so much means we respect each other MORE.

[@DrSharonSaline]

Thanks for sharing!

[@Blaxit2023]

The shame is definitely hard, but feeling hopeful since I found your page.

[@DrSharonSaline]

Aw, thank you so much! You are not alone!

[@user-js6ch1mf8g]

My interrupting is terrible it's anxiety for me.

[@SoulGlowHealing]

My partner let me know that I constantly interrupt him in groups or make him feel ignored /unimportant when we are in small groups because I hyper-fixate on a new person and don't include him in the conversation. It made me feel really ashamed. I don't know if I can control my interruptions. They just come out.

[@DrSharonSaline]

Maybe he could give you a subtle signal that you are interrupting again. It's so hard not to interrupt. I struggle with this myself :(

[@tamaraturner3811]

I'm not diagnosed with adhd but i do interupt ppl alot and overtalk. I try listening in conversation for awhile but i feel anxious and worried. Usually i lose my train of thought and get bored. Another thing is i overtalk and ppl feel overwhelmed, annoyed and like im full of myself. Personally i think im hyperactive.. Anyways hearing this video is very helpful. I'm considering seeking treatment.

[@DrSharonSaline]

Thank you for sharing. I think a lot of people worry during conversations about saying the 'right' thing or oversharing. I'm glad that you are considering seeking help. Good luck!

[@sarahbeth1983]

I have so much shame about doing this because I know how it is to be constantly talked over by my Mom and also my bestfriend (who also has adult ADHD). I hate myself after doing this and basically every single thing about how I communicate. I get so nervous but excited to talk and afraid of losing train of thought. In group I start talking but it’s hard to formulate a sentence and I hear myself and how off my speech pattern and my tone of voice, but can’t manage to correct it. This creates further social anxiety. I replay and ruminate over my “mistakes” forever basically. Years. Constantly replaying my cringe moments. I isolate almost completely to my bedroom now. For about 5 years. I’m in DBT but it’s like a cycle learning and then messing up by doing the same thing! I’m crying after group right now because I know I messed up and talked over someone, not realizing the time was up. The group leader said something at the end about working on our conversation skills., which was off topic. I have actually literally tried biting my tongue lol. Writing things down help but then it doesn’t come out with good flow, it’s more like reading fragmented thoughts. I’ve been trying my whole life to do that! I’m mortified and having thoughts that if I just didn’t exist in the first place the world would be better.

[@DrSharonSaline]

It sounds like you are very, very hard on yourself. People make mistakes. That's okay. Perhaps keep a small notebook with you in group so you can jot down your ideas and then share them when there is some airspace. I think working on this skill in a group setting makes a lot of sense because there's support for you. Then you can transfer it elsewhere, one situation at a time. When you are replaying mistakes, actively say something kind and encouraging to yourself. Remember that nobody is perfect. We are all doing the best we can with the tools we have available to us in a given moment.

[@sarahbeth1983]

@@DrSharonSaline thank you for replying and the great advice. I love and appreciate your videos. I will work on being kinder to myself❤️

[@bobbyhernandez-down-homeMusic]

I want to work on not interuppting people.

[@GlimpseIntoTheirNatures]

People can say "you're hard on yourself" all they want. We don't understand that concept. First they tell us we have to become our own "parent" to ensure the "wounded child" is doing their homework... and then we get told to stop being hard on ourselves for working longer at the computer because we can't do it any faster.

[@DrSharonSaline]

It sounds like you feel like you can't win either way. Find a compromise that works for you.

[@bobbyhernandez-down-homeMusic]

Do you tell someone that you have adhd. Should you tell them with this disorder, it's probable I will interrupt them. Do I tell them why this happens? Because I have tried to,,& they put up a shield against me. Later the next day, they block or just ignore me permanently. I know they tell others this guy is wierd. That's when I have been rejected and get upset with them. Soon I view them as enemies and have lashed out at them. I am the worship band lead guitarist. Not to brag, I am the one with my talent that makes our live music incredibly good. When I come under attack from the pastor. He says adhd is an excuse. He be-littles me. He treats me like 2nd class citizen. I up and walked out of church. I have no intentions of ever returning. I was embarrassed by him. I met a nice lady, she can't deal with me, will closed door on me, or us.soon. ADHD is ruined my life.

[@DrSharonSaline]

I am so sad to hear this. ADHD is not an excuse; it's a serious condition that affects millions of people worldwide. I would encourage to tell people about your ADHD after you know them for a while, when you feel safe with them. Interruptions are common for people with ADHD due to impulse control issues and they often have to do with a concern about forgetting what you want to say. Try to focus on what the other person is saying more and trust that what you want to say will come to you at the right time. If you forget it, I bet you will think about something else. It seems like your pastor might benefit from learning more about ADHD and maybe ADDitudemag.com could help him with this. Good luck and I hope things get better.

[@joolsjeffery3939]

“With my ADHD”…… sounds disempowering. It’s not your anything. It’s what happened. It’s the result of disruption in attunement…. Developmental trauma. Let’s not have ownership over something that was done to you without your awareness. It’s not “abnormal “ anymore.

[@THATBOISHAD]

I agree with you on most things related to ADHD, but in regards to conversations, it's important, very important for a person to try their best to counteract their urge to interrupt.

[@joolsjeffery3939]

@@THATBOISHAD absolutely- but that goes for everyone…. Most people don’t actually listen to what someone is saying, they are waiting to put their point of view across… it’s not ADHD causing anything…

[@THATBOISHAD]

@@joolsjeffery3939 I can't argue with that logic. I also still think that people should put more effort in resisting the urge to interrupt.

[@joolsjeffery3939]

This reading of comments is boring and is full of people maintaining their victim status, comparing their behaviours and looking for validation and an excuse “ oh it’s my adhd brain”. It’s also full of 12 yr olds telling the teacher how great they are. I have behaviours that seem to match the label of adhd and through rigorous self reflection, having feelings with a counsellor, acknowledging what happened in my childhood and working on the behaviours with the body has helped. This is a circle jerk I’m afraid.