✨ADHD Stubborness✨🤣

[@glorygiraffe6317]

Dont interact with someone with adhd if they are being productive, and i guess thats why i get house cleaning urge when everybody is sleeping

[@progressnotperfection9920]

I know, I only enjoy cleaning if no one is in the house but me and that doesn't ever happen so I used to clean at night then can't stay awake the next day. It's so frustrating right.

[@IamMCCUSA]

Exactly! Lol

[@IttyBitty412]

Yeah I only like cleaning if I'm home alone hah

[@cobalius]

cooking fantasies and urges 3 am in the morning. yea.. i know these, but the problem is.... i've learned that it's just normal tiredness for us. we finally become relaxed, veeeeeeery slowly and that's where the urges and wishes and the whole motivation comes around... never wondered why homework was way easier at night? comfy tiredness was one of the reasons .... yea and tiredness kicks in much slower for us, hence the sleep problems..

[@person1420]

Me too

[@melonlord4889]

For someone with ADHD, the easiest way isn’t always the best way. The best way is the way that keeps us focused

[@audreydoyle5268]

Legitimately. My step father tried to bar me from listening to music while drying the dishes because "it took longer, cause you always stop to pick a new song every three minutes,". So, to prove it to him, I did the dishes without music in. It took me nearly 50 minutes. And it was AGONISING! Beyond restless to go to my room and get lost in a book before bed. Then the next night, I did it with music in, and it took less than 20 minutes. The dishes were even dried better. I told him, "the night before, it took more than 45 mins, right? Tonight, it took less than 20," I wanted to say "is it really the music that's the issue, is it me having fun while completing an onerus task?" Of course, I wouldve lost my phone for two weeks if I said that, sooo.. I kept my trap shut with great difficulty. And I'm not being hyperbolic about the confiscation term. That was actually on the shorter side of the punishment. Usually it was a month to 6 weeks.

[@user-de1vp6fd9e]

​@@audreydoyle5268your stepdad is an asshole and if he doesn't like the way you do the dishes maybe he should do it himself

[@liabowden8526]

​@@audreydoyle5268"If Benjamin was an ice cream flavor. He'd be pralines, and *dick*" -Garth Algar. Sorry Audrey, but your dad sounds like a misery. Hope he improves... or you get away from him, whichever you pefer. 😅

[@coffeeinvasion]

​@@audreydoyle5268I'm sorry your stepfather is a moron. You figured out something that works for you and provided proof, but he just saw undermining his authority. It's good you're able to figure out what helps you while you're young so you'll have the systems in place for when you're on your own.

[@martyphillips1470]

​@@audreydoyle5268I get that so often ]= and especially because I am actually really slow getting important tasks done but I'm more likely to finish it with little breaks then to finish it all at once haha. Love listening to music to help my brain focus through tasks and I hate when someone tries to come up to me and tell me how it could be done faster/better if I do it differently, but I just tell em "if you want it done a specific way you can do it yourself next time or just enjoy that they're getting done [=" haha but I know you can't say that to everyone x.x

[@CrimsonFox36]

Nothing kills productivity faster than being told to do the thing while youre on your way to do the thing

[@brightspacebabe]

It is like being micromanaged in a way. ESP at work.😮I don’t like that. My brain won’t cooperate

[@Simply_Barbie]

FRRR!!!!

[@pegasusquilts]

Especially if they say "yeah sure l, you're just saying that. No points."

[@Mochi-re8cv]

FRRR omg i’ve been procrastinating my homework for months and when i was about to do it my parents came and told me to do my homework 💀

[@sarrabouhamed2295]

Oh my god. I thought I'm the only one !

[@Gabzthevamp]

I have often shouted to other people, "Just let me do it the hard way!"

[@gastruperstrasse]

I feel you!

[@Aliicemomo]

Right ?! I say "just let me struggle I want to just do it on my own somtimes."

[@ACOFG]

So you were rude cause someone wanted to help you

[@Gabzthevamp]

​@@ACOFGNo, I would also smile and we might laugh after I said that. I know it's silly but sometimes😊 I need to perform a task in a specific way or the motivation crumbles away. It doesn't mean I don't under​stand and appreciate the gesture. Only that I need to do it my way.

[@relaxedanchored]

Totally get that! Sometimes the "hard way" is actually the way that makes the most sense for how your brain works. It’s all about doing what keeps you focused and in control, even if it seems less conventional to others.

[@murdermittens007]

I have MASSIVE appreciation, gratitude and relatability to your videos. I feel like, through your videos, i can show my husband how my brain works.

[@Tina-bt123]

Same

[@aaronanytime8897]

I’ve been planning on doing this for the ADHD community for years but she beat me to it. I’m also very happy she is doing this for people.

[@rabbitgear]

I feel like this also applies to people who grew up being treated as if they were not intelligent. You know you're not dumb, but your family feels the need to manage you as though you are.

[@HG-yo8wj]

I relate to that so much!!

[@ii.Cleo.xoxo.]

Oh damn that's me.. That hit me so hard lol. 🥲

[@dblackout1107]

I’m treated like a dope by family members and I for most of my life found it funny and laughed it off. But as I’ve gotten older, I maybe have gotten a little less fun but it’s mainly because Im tired of being looked down on and I demand more respect, especially as I’ve come to discover I’m more intelligent than them but think differently than them which opens the door to criticism. I admittedly in this same kind of dynamic in the short had an aunt continue to stand over my shoulder and pick apart how I was cleaning the dishes after dinner (which is menial and hard enough already to motivate myself to help with). She prodded about me using cool water and not hot water and that’s the first time I ever gave my aunt lip at like 22. Was not happy and she knew it and it’s also probably the only time that my micromanaging overly critical aunt actually fucked off

[@JJLom777]

I really wish I did not completely understand what you're saying here.

[@I.Like.Chaos.]

I relate to that so much. I would make ONE minor mistake as a CHILD, and suddenly my IQ is below 20 and they need to double-check everything I do and explain everything to me twice while raising their voice because apparently, according to them, that would really get me to understand.

[@bi_squared1533]

sometimes it's even just someone noticing that you're doing it. like someone will walk in and be like "oh yeah, finally getting this room cleaned!" and immediately no

[@somemoresomewhere1262]

If you don't immediately respond with something equally offensive, you're already winning. On the other hand... They have no clue when to just mind there own business. It's why so many of us wait till we are alone at home to do stuff. So, lonely either way.

[@reneefasano403]

This is a huge reason why living alone for me is miles different than having roommates or living with parents. Spontaneous tasks done without anyone noticing, on my own beat.

[@leenone8456]

Yup, feels like being patronized. 'Oh, look at the dumb little creature doing something sooo smart, awwwww' .. ugh, immediate ick! 🤢 Not what they are actually saying, but it can really feel like it is.

[@bi_squared1533]

@@leenone8456 DUDE YES EXACTLY i've noticed a lot of adhd people have a big thing with being called incapable, or even something hinting at it. thats probably a lot of neurodivergent people. i think it has a lot to do with disbelief in symptoms and also infantalization.

[@dartspragg2879]

This was me with homework, like if I wasn't surprising someone that I dis something they needed me to do, I no longer wanted to finish it

[@diz.420]

I hate doing this sm. It's like the second I start thinking too much about getting it done correctly or the best way, I don't want anything to do with it anymore.

[@angelbabynails2107]

Omg is that what's going on in my brain

[@Qofkidwhrbd]

Why do I relate I'm scared

[@OceanicPearlz1]

😭story of my life literally today

[@Ddrizzle811]

This is so true

[@kaleyyyyyyy9761]

real

[@kelleywyskiel3478]

I feel this! I thought I was just “too sensitive about everything” but I shut down completely. Sometimes it’s just someone else being home on a day they’re usually working. I go from established routine and lists to … Nothing at all

[@KoraOSRS]

OH MY GOD. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH!!! I have to show this to my mum asap, this will explain SO much to her!!!

[@kathryneaston8806]

I just want people to notice my task AFTER I’m done and I’m ready to present it and be like “tada! clean room!”.

[@pegasusquilts]

100%

[@RM-hi4vv]

Yes DO NOT PERCEIVE DO NOT ENGAGE Otherwise, overthinking about how I’m doing the task, shame that I didn’t do it sooner, feeling broken that “oh, it’s such a big deal, I need a cookie or something? You must really think I’m a child. I’m literally almost 50.”. Nevermind that usually it *is* that big a deal… but acknowledge it and I’m so up in my head with judgement, I’m completely derailed for hours.

[@heartdragon2386]

​@@RM-hi4vvyeah, just a, "Hey, nice!" Kinda thing works wonders after a big task is completed. I don't need praise, but it is so encouraging to have it just noticed in a positive way.

[@be.A.b]

I used to avoid doing tasks, just so I wouldn’t have to cringe out to the disingenuous positive reinforcement afterwards. They really can’t with us, can they? lol

[@zixianchen9901]

FOR REAL It is my way or the highway till I’ve perfected a task and choose to show you the results of my own volition.

[@amycamille7124]

This is called PDA, “pathological demand avoidance” and its often seen in people with autism or adhd. How it works is that people get dopamine hits from finishing tasks, but when the task is assigned (or like in the video, even just suggested), that dopamine hit disappears because the task is now a demand. Some don’t like the work pathological, so you may hear it called pervasive demand for autonomy.

[@violetskies14]

Oh so that's what that is. It drives me nuts, why can't my brain just feel satisfied with doing the thing whether I do it because I want to or because I was asked/told to? Especially if it was something I was going to do either way.

[@Itz_Wolfee]

Im starting to think i have autism

[@jimwilliams3816]

From what I know about PDA, it's generally considered to have anxiety at its base: overactive fight/flight, persistent fear response, hypervigilance. That is my primary understanding of it in myself, and it amounts to feeling unsafe and constantly looking for the tiger in the bushes. It's easiest to recognize when demand avoidance feels like recognizable "performance anxiety" -- "I cannot do this! How can someone (including myself) ask me to do something that impossible or dangerous?" The "drive for autonomy" way of looking at it seems to stem from feeling unsafe enough around others that you need to keep only your own counsel; even when you need or want help, you can't accept it. It is most often described as a presentation of autism, though some think it may be associated with ADHD too, or even its own thing. PDA is completely unrecognized in the US and by the DSM. Here we have ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), an ADHD-associated dx whose name I hate with a fiery passion: I think it should be called Being Ungrateful to Beleaguered, Selfless Authority Figures Disorder -- I mean c'mon, Oppositional AND Defiant? Sounds like the people who named it really hate it when people don't acknowledge their expertise or take their advice. I know little about ODD as a dx, but my impression is that it is supposed to track with the classic "troublemaking boy" version of ADHD, someone who is rebellious, thrill seeking and risk taking. (Others may know ODD better.) I am not a risk taker, and a lot of that is due to my persistent fear factor. I do follow an ADHD vlogger who feels that risk taking, thrill seeking and despising authority describes him, so I've come to realize that does occur. It's true that PDAers are NOT big on authority or hierarchy; doing something because someone in authority says to do it does NOT compute. I'm not sure if that's fear based or not. PDAers also typically have trouble doing things they want to do if their brain interprets it as a demand they are making of themselves. As a profile of autism, I do understand it to be closely associated with anxious avoidance and a (pathological) need for control, as opposed to a sudden dopamine drop. I can easily see there being presentations typical to ADHD, and a lot of overlap. But maybe some differences too. The anxiety base is extremely resonant and important to me, so I guess I felt a need to share that part.

[@Bluebell2683]

@@Itz_Wolfeeit’s often comorbid with adhd so maybe. Back in the 90s they thought ppl couldn’t have both. So if they diagnosed you with one they excluded the other and they only recently after 2013 realized a lot of Ppl have both So a bunch of 90s and 2000s kids will have gone undiagnosed if diagnosed adhd

[@Itz_Wolfee]

@@Bluebell2683 Oooh

[@Shawnasart76597]

Yeah don't interrupt an ADHD clean, don't even mention it until we're finished.

[@paxundpeace9970]

Don't mention it at all.

[@blueismylove3128]

As someone with autism and ADHD I don't have this issue, quite the opposite lol. I actually get really happy when someone notices I'm finally being productive. The only thing is I'm easily distracted so don't ask me to do anything else or EVERYTHING is taking three years to complete because I wanna do everything at once.

[@epmcgee]

You need to learn to better regulate yourself.

[@blueismylove3128]

@@epmcgee Oh gee! I'm glad you said something, now suddenly all my problems and issues are fixed thanks you tell us to "better regulate".

[@epmcgee]

@@blueismylove3128 or continue to be miserable and incapable of performing simple tasks because you don't know how to educate yourself on targeted self-regulation. =)

[@ritanonmacher126]

OMG, this is SO true! I do this all the time. I think more so than being stubborn though, that it has something to do with HYPER FOCUS. ADD people get SO caught up in whatever they are hyper focused on, and when they get interrupted, it breaks the cycle of hyper focus. I am guessing that getting interrupted snaps us out of the hyper focus, and why we would say “I’m done”.

[@liraz1605]

True!!!!! Like bursting a bubble of concentration

[@Brandy215]

I was just thinking as I was reading the comments that for me it would be about the person interrupting my hyper focus. Like if I'm finally getting around to doing something DO NOT interrupt me if you want it to get done. Edited for grammar mistake.

[@adamtobin8132]

Your approach really highlights real life situations people don’t understand. Great work. Truly helpful.

[@creativepseudonym9872]

The phrase 'You ruined it. You ruined it and I'm leaving' always pops into my head when this happens to me.

[@OGimouse1]

Day 57 of cleaning the house because of this attitude

[@fionna_cool_girl]

all I can think of is when Vegeta says it 😂😂 kzbin.infoUth_NcksEXk?feature=share

[@spicyhams]

same

[@joannakwiatkowska4362]

I just have ffs pop in

[@therealrongu6599]

Dragon ball z abridged!!!

[@bingbong2135]

ikr as someone in household where everyone has ADHD or depression it’s basically an unspoken rule of if you see someone doing something just ignore it.

[@maddieames1234]

It stinks that y'all have it, but it's nice that you all understand. I'm completely isolated.

[@sadmac356]

And/or autism. Feel free to ask me why I'm doing something a certain way *after* I'm done

[@m00nvale.]

Your family need to get help (the depression part)

[@hotaruheartexo]

@@m00nvale. and how do u now they didnt yet? Depression is not just something u can have in a moment of your life, u can have it for life bc it's your brain not working as it has to, it doesn't dissapear

[@prettyprincess8187]

This sounds awesome.

[@ashleyyleaveck296]

i have wondered my entire life why this happens to me. I can ve doing anything, even be enjoying a hobby, but the second I get recognition for it, the joy immediately goes away. thank you for giving this a name.

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

It's as if it's not yours anymore when someone interferes.

[@Max-ix9lk]

The part that would make me not wanna do it is the "Omg, you're finally fixing that stain!" LET ME DO MY THING

[@7kortos7]

yeah, the word finally gets me. like i haven't been hammering my self to do the thing and then someone throws sand in my face by reminding me how long it took. mood ruined=immediate recharge time required.

[@shellbhouse7923]

Exactly. The moment my family member comes in and says "Oh, your house looks so clean! Or, "Oh, you cleaned your house, Wow - looks great!! Don’t you love having a clean house/car/room... ?" WHATEVER. Please stop pointing it out - I feel completely even more worse about the fact that it takes me forever to get motivated to complete chores in my home...

[@PheonixLove]

A couple weeks ago I had a hyperfixation on cleaning my closet. I texted my parents "hi! I'm cleaning my closet and room! Please do not say anything or else the motivation would go away." It worked

[@Metqa]

That really worked???

[@HayLeesHomeMade]

Holy shit i need to try that

[@taan-yzah9210]

Excellent communication! Hopefully I can do the same.

[@lurklingX]

pffft. not my mom. she can't help herself. :/

[@sarahgillingham5961]

If I were to open my phone and text someone there's no way I'm continuing that task again following the distraction 😅

[@jaimej110]

If you see someone with ADHD doing something, BACK AWAY SLOWLY One creak and all the concentration is gone

[@mkwpublishing4120]

Or needless questions, 'why are you going to do that?' 'Will it take long?' 'Why are you doing that now?' 😶 result = won't be doing it anymore, thanks for the inquisition and needless barrage of questions completely demotivating said task or idea and starting a spiral of analysis of said questions 🤨

[@sarahjaye4117]

😂

[@khanom3033]

@@mkwpublishing4120 Dangg, this sounds so annyoing 😂 glad, I have no experience with someone doing that....

[@ComicalOrangeVR]

Real 🤣

[@babybluehashyo]

Worst thing you can do is tell someone to do something they were already doing or about to do. You ruined it.

[@jojo__x]

My mother has a habbit of doing that🙄😑

[@kyahbreak2069]

The most annoying thing in the world. 😤 /gen

[@ex0stasis72]

I remember as a kid feeling this same way. My dad would always want me to help mom clean like to do the dishes, and it was always a thankless job when asked, but if i managed to do the dishes without being asked, I would get rewarded with praise. The worst is when I was feeling in a cleaning mood and I walk out of my room to start, and before even declared my intentions, I was asked to do the dishes. It ruined everything.

[@antgue756]

Yes. This is me.

[@ohkaygoplay]

Oh, that is the worst! I hate it when people do that! It's like they doubt we have any intelligence and foresight. We might leave our phones in the fridge and then can't find it... on a regular, embarrassing basis... but we do have the ability to plan, and know what needs to get done. It's on our list. Just because we're not doing it when they want us to do it, doesn't mean we aren't aware of it, already have it on the list, and mentally prepared to tackle it next. Once someone mentions the task, or tells me to do it - "reminding me" because they think I forgot due to a history of being forgetful, I get really angry, and then won't do it at all.

[@brightspacebabe]

No wonder I’ve always had frustration at work all these years! Just let me do my effin job and don’t interrupt me…😂Unless it’s needed of course. But I always get angry when I’m doing a task and am immediately interrupted to do it “faster.” Something to be aware of, and work on. Thank you ❤

[@Jdjfbficjenenwk3736]

Or when you finally get in the zone and decide you’re going to get something done and just before you do it, someone like a parent or boss tells you to please do that thing. Might as well curl up in a ball of pointless rage at that point lol.

[@xenonnati]

Every time my mother tries to “help” me giving advice or sth i get frustrated and angry and don’t want to do it. I’ve started asking my mom to please not help me or talk to me at all during a task.. she does not understand why and i cannot explain it to her.

[@cherrybabe1278]

Show her this video and the comments

[@TheeKaroolyne]

I literally just sent this to my mom for this very same reason She's really supportive and has stopped for most of the time, but I think this can give her the explanation that I can not 💀

[@daughterofthestars08]

You’re brain is focused on the task and even helpful suggestions or someone else wanting to help throws a huge wrench in that focus!

[@Leenylulu95]

Maybe start doing the Same thing to her and she'll realise. Or just say you enjoy the challenge of finding out foryorself

[@Frogragee]

@@cherrybabe1278damn i wanna show this to my mom and dad so they’d understand but they dont understand english

[@musiccfreakk1996Be]

Aah, I hate this one lollll Same thing, if I make up my mind to do something and then my mom tells/asks me to do it I’m like “and now I don’t wanna anymore”

[@somemoresomewhere1262]

I'm a grown ass adult, and I can do everything my boss tells me to do with no issue, just a couple follow up questions but if my mom tells me / ask me to do something I was considering doing, it is suddenly the worst task of the month. So far the best thing I've done is to mind game myself into accepting her request / order as confirmation that it needed to be done or that I was the right person to do it. That seems to cut my time to actually do it shorter, but it's still a super s***** feeling.

[@musiccfreakk1996Be]

@@somemoresomewhere1262 i think for me its partly the feeling of... Her feeling the need to tell me bc she doesn't trust me to do it without being told (bc she knows i'm forgetfull/easily distracted)...and me being annoyed by that... Like, I'm proud at myself for remembering something or finally setting my mind to doing that one thing but then someone else butts in and I'm like.... Now i dont wanna anymore. But yes, with work it's something else.

[@Faesharlyn]

Since I can remember. Like... toddlerhood, I *finally* remembered to brush my teeth without being told and was *walking to the bathroom* to do it.. Then I didn't want to do it at all

[@scottvelez3154]

I think it's because we start feeling like crap that we didn't do it sooner, so now all our motivation to do it is sapped.

[@Faesharlyn]

@@scottvelez3154 for me it's *finally* remembering to do the thing before being reminded, I'm *clearly* headed to do the thing and then they say "don't forget to do the thing" or even worse... "It's about time you did the thing" Infuriating to the point of rage Edit: I see that I already did this thing lol

[@schroekate]

This happens to me with my eating disorder. As soon as I’m making progress, my husband will mention it and I just mentally give up. I didn’t realize it was linked to adhd. I just thought I wasn’t committed enough. Very grateful for this video!

[@Bubaluve]

He could be doing it on purpose cause he know what will happen 😢

[@blueismylove3128]

​@@BubaluveLet's not. He probably thought he was being helpful and encouraging.

[@_apsis]

@@Bubaluvenot everyone wants to see the world burn dude

[@Bubaluve]

@@_apsis you give way to many people the benefit of the doubt this is someone you care for and you are telling me you don't realise that everytime you talk about it she gets worse? This is something that could end her life so you have done no research and are not observant at all? It either he doesn't love her and care or this is quite deliberate cause some idiots would prefer you look skiing rather than healthy. Or yes some people just like to watch the world burn while pretending they don't have the matches.

[@ItsAsparageese]

​@@Bubaluve What nasty toxic unfounded assumptions, jfc get some control over yourself, being hypervigilant on behalf of others you've never met is bad boundaries

[@darkportrait8433]

this is so relatable, whenever your doing something a certain way, if anyone tries to interrupt you or tell you how to do it differently, your motivation just drains

[@SmartGamer1234]

WHY ARE YOUR VIDEOS SO RELATEABLE I CAN’T EXPLAIN THESE THINGS BUT YOU DO SO WELL AAAAAAAAA

[@moonlitproductions7182]

My mother is always getting upset with me for doing chores the “wrong” way, even if the result is exactly the same, it’s “wrong” because it’s not her way.

[@audreydoyle5268]

They think it's "efficient". NTs are driven by the journey, turn the right way and all that. NDs are driven by the reward more than the journey.

[@murdermittens007]

Replace mother with husband and tada, this is me. It has taken 2 decades to redirect this behavior. Oof.

[@MsJoyce31202]

❤

[@DeborahSmith-k9f]

Exactly 💯💯💯💯

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

She should appreciate your help and say thank you.

[@aniav7386]

Same! I do something that is very unlogical but it stimulates my brain and it’s entertaining. Then someone says something and I’m like 😑

[@ggfr6489]

I was trying to find a way to put it and you did it already. Yeah, when doing something that ik can be done faster but it’s just captivating and entertaining is nice. Then someone comes up saying I can do it a faster way but no, intricate and nonlogical is the way to go

[@aniav7386]

@@ggfr6489 definitely 😂

[@nemeceka]

Illogical

[@amogusamogos]

@@nemeceka no one asked

[@pocketramble9935]

​@@nemeceka any askers?

[@lokicooper4690]

I totally felt that. “I’m doing it, just stfu and leave me alone!” They never learn, do they? There are times I literally look at someone who walks in the room and tell them to go away. Lol!

[@cheyennemorrison4107]

I communicate to everyone who’s in my life in significant ways that “would you like advice?” Or “can I make a suggestion?” Are wonderful things I love to hear, and I will often say yes, and that being able to say yes before hearing the suggestion makes me more likely to take the suggestion, and that telling me how you think I should act without checking if I’m ok with that first makes me not want to do things around you, and all the people I like implement that into how they communicate with me. Some people feel entitled to tell me how they think I should do things regardless, I avoid those people like the dopamine vampires they are.

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

Yes respectful communication

[@WhimsicalHelvetesfönster]

YES!!! When I'm in the middle of doing a chore that took me a while to muster up the energy and interest to finish and someone says "Why don't you do [this] instead?" Or "If you do it [this] way, it will be faster..." BIG FREAKING NOPE FROM ME! I 100% lose interest and I give up until I have the energy/interest again and I can do it alone, with no help from the peanut gallery. Thank you for making my life make sense.

[@WithLoveRaven_]

MY DAD DOES THIS AND THEN HE GETS UPSET BECAUSE I DIDNT DO IT HIS WAY 😭

[@mustachemiss1983]

SAAME!

[@labradorite8256]

It's because it will take too long and you'll get bored halfway through and the neurotypical will have to finish the job. We don't like cleaning any more than you do. I think we get through it because it's the end result that gives the dopamine, and we can see the most efficient way. It's not about "his way", it's about the way that gets it done for him, whereas for you it's the process, and the end result may or may not be a bonus.

[@chrisflanagan7564]

​​​@@labradorite8256 "you'll get bored halfway through" it looks like that to you* because you interupt them halfway through... It's a self fulfilling prophecy. Or, you'll say "hey now that you're finally doing that, when you're done you should do the XYZ" and now you've broke their tenuous grasp on the task at hand. *"You" here means random person, not specifically anyone... I'm in a mood. edit: on further reflection, "you" here means my mother. ... My favourite one is when I'm doing nothing and she says hey can you do Task? And I get up to do Task, because I have time and energy and am not currently doing anything, and she says "you don't have to do it right away" and even though I say "no, now is good" she says "I didn't mean to interrupt whatever you're doing" which was staring into space or flicking through Facebook or something vapid, she insists that I do it later... Then I forget to do it. But then, two days later when I'm finally doing important paperwork I've been putting off for 3 months, she says "hey, can you real quick help me with this thing?" And if I say I'm busy she insists it's important, But then it's totally something like looking at a video of my nephew... And now I've lost the will to do paperwork.

[@labradorite8256]

@@chrisflanagan7564 it's very hard for neurotypicals as well. We're not mind readers, and we get on with the business of keeping life going and it can be very tiring. It might seem like we're capricious but there's all this stuff going on that you don't see. We're all muddling through, and I think neurodivergent brains just need to cut us some slack too.

[@SylviaRustyFae]

​@@labradorite8256Hahahahahahahahahahahahhahshahahahahaha This is the funniest sarcastic comment ive seen in a while. Ya rly sold it with the ableist perspective there, almost believed you actually are that big of a jerkwad

[@gracepollard9611]

my favorite thing to say is "well that would just make too much sense" and keep doing it how i am

[@ksmspeace]

Does it work? Sometimes it's like "the game" for me, it worked as long as I was pretending I didn't know this way was ridiculous, but now that someone pointed it out I can't get it back.

[@unacceptablesisterpeter3431]

I respond why do it the easy way when you can do it the hard way. I like a challenge.

[@judylynnlau450]

we do not do efficiency, we do what we feel

[@justincombs7433]

I can do efficiency, but only if I feel it.

[@chloebenson7118]

TYSM for recognizing this! I'm the same way with school work. It's so much better for me have fun with an assignment and take my time with it so that I can do my best, rather than just getting it done as fast as possible like everyone tells me to.

[@tamisauer2402]

I would like to thank you for your videos. Especially this one. My daughter has adhd and I would have never guessed it and often questioned it. This video (as many of your others) hit home with me. This was life with her in her teens. I’d offer help or advice and she’d just quit and blow up at me. I never knew why she would get so angry when I’d offer help. The teen years were ROUGH! Your videos have opened my eyes to another world that I had imagined in a completely different way, even to the point of questioning if I may have adhd.

[@themisfitowl2595]

Oh my stars, this is so me! I hate cleaning and cooking with other people around because they are always telling me how to do something 'better or faster' than the way I'm doing it. Even just someone asking me what I'm doing or why I'm doing it a certain way makes me just wanna quit!

[@MABADBledsoe]

THAT'S why I was getting the attitude when thought I was helping...I was feeling unappreciated

[@MABADBledsoe]

-thx for this

[@audreydoyle5268]

**You** feel underappreciated?! You sticking your nose in it makes us feel the burning hatred of a thousand suns level of underappreciated for our autonomous efforts. No, this is not hyperbole. We literally feel THIS angry. Could power all the nuclear reactors in the world with our anger. (Ok, maybe a little hyperbolic, however, still very rage inducing to interrupt an ADHDer working hard at perfection).

[@MABADBledsoe]

"I was.." past tense. Maybe I should've included that I, too, have ADHD, and it's my son whom I'm referring to. We butt heads all the time. You can calm down now😂 ALL THE TIME @@audreydoyle5268

[@Deeegenerate]

​@@audreydoyle5268 At least they seem to understand now, which is nice- always a win when we can achieve mutual understanding

[@briarwood42]

Did they actually ask for advice or did you simply assume that they must want it because you "know better" supposedly?

[@tn7239]

I never thought of this way. Thank you for your videos! My husband and my son has ADHD. I am trying my best to understand and help them. Next time I see them doing anything productive, I’ll just let them be since they are actually working on it 😂.

[@1974priyan]

Yes. Ignore them, don’t give advice or comments and stay out of their way when they are productive and focused on a task. Congratulate and praise when the task is completed.

[@Nommyyy]

I live for the excitement of figuring out something on my own and learning through trial and error

[@jessicastormshell2786]

Doing it the fun way and satisfying way is the only way to get it done sometimes.

[@cristinaacosta8938]

Yep, that's me and almost everything. Specially the dishes. I have to go through all the mental hoops posible to not only make it entertaining enough, but also not being demotivated whenever I hear my mom say that I HAVE to do the dishes. Because THEN my brain does this weird 180 and I'm no longer interested but also unexplainably pissed. Like, what?

[@CavegirlMelanieHobby]

I wish I cod understand why I get SO PISSED. Like an equivalent amount of rage to equal the strength of their demand

[@lurklingX]

yeah, the getting PISSED. same.

[@pandaplayzgaming5069]

Ahaha I was wiping stains off our floor with a wet wipe and my mom went “wouldn’t it be easier with ---“ and I was like “nah, I’m done now.” And she was like “but there’s loads more?!” And I was like “yeah, but now it’s no longer my choice.”

[@TheeKaroolyne]

Yes yes yes

[@PhoenixFlowerEmma]

EXACTLY.

[@PhoenixFlowerEmma]

Like i enjoyed doing it autonomously and blocking out the world but now youve decided to treat me like a puppet on strings and i no longer have the inner strength or desire to bother. You want it done do it yourself.

[@zorro......]

bro people giving you a suggestion on how to do it in a way they feel is easier for you does not at all remove your autonomy in the situation. you can just say "no thanks" and keep doing it your way. I'd understand if your rationale was that them even speaking to you has broken your drive and concentration or that you get analysis paralysis on not doing things the best way. but this "no longer my choice" reason is literally not accurate. it IS your choice, you can disagree and go "no, i prefer it this way" but instead you stop like some petulant child? feel bad for your mom.

[@frostfang1]

​@Zorro disgusting. Cause you actually don't seem to get it. Just because our rationale understands and recognizes the choice doesn't mean it doesn't change our perspective and perception of how we've approached the task. Have you never had someone tell you to do something you are already in the process of doing? Or have a certain way to get yourself "in the mood" aka a beneficial mindset for cleaning or studying or whatever task will be done better and with less misery if you set the tone for it before you do it. And then someone comes in like a bull in a China shop and disturbs all semblance of that. Or demands you to redirect your energy to *their* thing. And then when you go back, the vibes gone? Sure you can do it, maybe you will do it, but it will turn out badly and you will be miserable the entire time. It's like trying to bake a cake or any other baking or cooking recipe that's intensive. You can throw together some scrambled eggs half asleep and it will always come out tastey, but trying to make a cheesecake without being committed and focused, you can taste and often see the difference. You put the same amount of energy, and double the time it would have taken if you were into it, and the product you got from it was subpar, bordering on inedible, basically a waste of time and energy, whether the task got done or not. *thats* the experience. Especially for a task thats low on the priority list like stain removal.

[@Sursie_Metzger]

For real. Just be glad it’s getting done and let me do my thing while I feel like 😂😅

[@nela8714]

I force myself through perfectionism, I didn't even realize it, god, I have to stop worrying, thank you

[@BigGMaliya]

Omg YES. This has frustrated me so many times. 😭

[@lexihauer9857]

Literally me cleaning my room. My dad: why don’t you start with sorting your dirty laundry into piles instead? Me: whelp I don’t want to clean my room now thanks. To answer your question tho if I did that then when I loose interest there would still be clothes on my floor plus I have other stuff on the floor too so my clothes piles would just be on top of other stuff which would also bother me. Dad:…

[@lurklingX]

ah man. as soon as i read the laundry thing i completely tensed up and felt agitated. like WHO TF CARES what you start with as long as you start????? :.( this kind of thing always throws me off, because i'd feel like my mom or whoever was trying to 'direct' me, with the implied "my way is the right way". and yeah, it's stubbornness, partly, but i just get agitated and throw my hands up and quit. like an opposition.

[@jahnvx.b113]

OMG I was always sad that no one understands me and i didnt know how to explain myself but a week ago i discovered what adhd is and now i start seeing your shorts...you dont how much this comforts me ...

[@murdermittens007]

SSAAMMEE!!!!!! I come for the videos and stay for the 100% relatable comments.

[@themothman3726]

I hate how true this is. If I wasn't happily doing something I probably wouldn't be doing it all.

[@maryaustin3560]

🤣❤💯omg, it's so hilarious, I never even realized that this was actually yet another one of the many strange quirks, weird behaviors and/or random urges, that I've exhibited as long as I can remember, and that I had always associated as simply personality traits, either thru genetics.

[@ThePelicanKing]

I always feel like such a jerk when I behave this way, but it's a stupid automatic response.

[@ColossalReaperN7]

Yep, along with being told to do something as you're doing it or about to do it then you're like, nope not anymore. Also there's a few month cool down when I get told to do something I'm already doing

[@otsdrselse1163]

THIIIIS!!!!

[@archs1ay3r3]

This is the definition of the “Now I don’t want to do it anymore” meme with the angry penguin sitting on a chair.

[@Torika2724]

In my experience, if you ever wonder why someone is like this, just think back to that feeling you get when you’re playing a game you’ve spent hours on and the the dialogue reminds you to do the most obvious thing at every opportunity.

[@AK-vx4dy]

And... i'm done...😂 So relatable

[@EntropyAndSingularity]

Thinking about showing this series to my mom. Actually a life-saver. Would’ve never been able to tell her my feelings otherwise.

[@monkebrainiac]

another episode of i didn't know that was adhd and not just me being dumb 😭 when my mom tells me how to do things correctly and faster, i just lose all motivation. she's right, but i dont want to do it that way 💀

[@peterlawrence6815]

This all makes sense

[@rebeccapach6420]

I kinda like cleaning. But as soon as someone tells me to clean my room or smth, I can't. It's gonna stay like this for at least a week now. Getting messier and messier. Thanks a lot

[@guppsy]

Bro just clean the fucking room

[@chatwatcher4279]

@@guppsy Yup it doesnt work. Its like being told by that one person you despise the most to move a few steps to the left because they want to walk in a straight line

[@guppsy]

@@chatwatcher4279 I honestly still dont understand why just you don't fucking clean the room

[@ZazzyKatori]

​@@guppsyADHDers are often deep thinkers who instantly connect interactions into a series of potential patterns and meanings that could emerge. Telling someone to do something they're already doing can then spark off a hundred thoughts about how that person will interpret you continuing, how that plays into the relationship dynamics, what meaning will be added... Eg if you continue, will they make assumptions that they helped and therefore believe something of your brain or your joint dynamic that will be based on misunderstanding and damage future interactions or play into complex power dynamics, and how long will you have to deal with that for? Neurodiverse people in general are also too used to being misunderstood and misinterpreted, and having that cause ongoing issues, so can be quite sensitive to it.

[@guppsy]

@@ZazzyKatori I ain't reading All that

[@JessScreams]

God i hate that i do thisssss. Especially because when I do it I’ll realize I’m being stubborn and that someone was just trying to help but the motivation just WOOSHES out of my brain

[@LightHouse_222]

❤😂 I am 55 and just realised this is me ! Every one of your videos is a nail on the head.

[@drumkick2315]

Yes, my son does this. Your take is so helpful.❤

[@scaredsanty857]

I've never knew that it's an ADHD feature!! Always thought i'm just very unreasonably spiteful This makes so much sence...

[@radstronaut]

“Today is the day” couldn’t have called me out harder

[@dannabon3279]

OCD here. I tend to take the longer process with stuff to make sure it gets done and when someone suggests a quicker process it makes me want to drop it and never do it again to avoid it lmao.

[@Makeuploveculture]

Yup! I’ve been accused of being very very stubborn. My son is like this as well!

[@pegasusquilts]

Toothpicks to clean out little things like the "on" and "off " letters on light switches!

[@littleblueclovers]

I do feel bad about it when I’m like that. Even in this example the person was like “wow good job! Do you want me to get [item that will make the job easier]?” And then the momentum is gone. Like, I don’t want to complain about it because when I’m outside of that headspace I’m touched that they want to praise me for doing things and want to help me with it. I don’t want that kindness to stop and I’m always conflicted and mostly guilty 😢

[@leviathan7407]

The urge to send this to my mother🤩

[@TurtleG0]

I sent it to my Mother, lol

[@leviathan7407]

@@TurtleG0 lucky-

[@deella.3339]

When this happens, I try to overcome that feeling because it feels like I'm a toddler refusing to do something and I can do better than that. It takes effort but sometimes I feel much better after actually doing the things despite not wanting to anymore

[@audreydoyle5268]

That's cause your parents were most likely overbearing when you were a toddler, and forced you to do things their way, even if it hurt your brain and made no logical sense to you. So now you don't trust anyone else's counsel except your own, all cause your parents were pedantic.

[@deella.3339]

@@audreydoyle5268 no actually, my parents were amazing. Never overbearing or harsh on me. Please don't assume things like that :)

[@bigol9223]

Yeah i think far too many people take this kind of information as "oh, i do this because i have a disorder, that means i should change nothing and everyone should accommodate me" rather than "ohh i do this because i have a disorder and now i know my unreasonable response isnt completely my fault but i can use this knowledge to practice improving my behavior"

[@deella.3339]

@@bigol9223 hit the nail on the head!

[@utkarshdapte2495]

She is dangerously relatable 🙂

[@mattlittleton5137]

This video is a like a spark of happiness in my heart to see so many people who understand this aspect of ADD. It has plagued me my whole life and nobody ever could understand me growing up when this would happen. My brothers and friends were always like oh Matt has mood swings or hes just pretending to do the work but never finishes anything cause hes not serious about it. They never knew that i was always as serious as a heart attack about everything i did until my mom would come in and say somethiing about what i was doing trying to control how i was doing it and i would get incredibly frustrated and completely quit because it now had no more mental reward left for completing it and suprising everyone.

[@MissAstronautCat]

Can you please explain more how this thing is related to add or adhd Also if you don't mind sharing studies about it

[@mattlittleton5137]

@@MissAstronautCat sure, it's called pathological demand avoidance. Look it up!

[@jeremyrobinson6514]

I felt like an ass when I tried to explain it to my wife after we got together, and the only phrase I could think of to describe what was happening was "You killed it."

[@murdermittens007]

I can't even count how many times I have said this to my husband.

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

Yep killing the flow.

[@opossumsauce4472]

THANK YOU! My boyfriend is such a jerk with this and I don't know how to get him to stop!! He keeps saying "well I'm just being logical if I'm giving helpful advice"

[@jaytoplay0]

Dump his ass

[@audreydoyle5268]

I wrote on someone else's comment something like: you sticking your nose in it makes us feel the burning hatred of a thousand suns level of underappreciated for doing a task autonomously. It's not helpful if it's interrupting. Say or text to him "if you see me doing a task, WAIT UNTIL I'M DONE BEFORE STICKING YOUR NOSE IN IT. ok? That is far more logical than derailing my train of thought, wouldn't you think? And if you insist on interrupting me, because the way I'm doing it is different to your way, then rest assured, nothing will get done. My way, your way, most ways gets the result in the end, regardless of whether it's logical in your mind. My way is logical in mine, and it still gets the same result as your way,"

[@lurklingX]

:/ he sounds unreasonable. especially if you've asked him to stop and he's basically "i don't care, i'm going to anyway." that's a boundary thing. : ( he doesn't have to understand it, just respect your request to stop.

[@opossumsauce4472]

@@lurklingX We broke up 🥳

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

That's what they say 'trying to help: well apparently they are not. He is not respecting you by saying that.

[@ferchyzcv]

People say "it's only your way or no way" I'm like no i don't wanna be difficult i just needed to be this way!!!!

[@audreydoyle5268]

They don't realise how much they are projecting. To them, it's either their way or the wrong way.

[@sofiarasmussen9188]

Im 40 yo. I was never diagnosed ADHD but every single video You make, I feel so related. I feel a lot Beter with myself now.

[@TjohnBL]

Ghahahahahahahaha i remember so many times my parents ruined my vibe cleaning the whole house by thei words "you've missed a spot" or "you're doing it the wrong way( not their way)" or when they just point or command me what to clean next ruining my delicate pre-planned cleaning process in my head 😂

[@meowJACK]

LOL this part of my brain has always reminded me of the "well now iam not doing it 😡" meme

[@lxndsxy546]

every time this happens i just drop everything and cry bc that’s sadly how i get my frustration out

[@myahassse2832]

OMG i have adhd and this happens everytime i try to clean my room toooooo!!!!!! i enjoy cleaning until someone tells me to do it or do it differently you are speaking truth

[@maxbladel]

Thankyou for expressing this so well… I related to most if not all of it. Really valuable insights and food for thought 🙏

[@silkyhank]

Doing something in a more time consuming and inconvenient way because you stubbornly refuse to admit defeat.

[@plantkiddo]

i hate this feeling, same reaction when someone offers to help so it gets done faster aswell😅

[@humziahn6238]

This is me... I spend hours organizing my closet until my mom's housemaid putting it as much as they like. I cried and I thought I'm the sensitive one.

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

They are crossing your boundaries. It's your room and closet. At some age they should respect your space and ways if how you like it to be.

[@TheEverythingChannel14]

I have ADHD but no one in my family believes me but I really do have it and this literally happens to me all the time and they just call me lazy and it really hurt my feelings😢😢😢😢

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

Aw 😢 Maybe you can ask to do a test so they see proof of your adhd? You know, even if you didn't have adhd it's not nice to call you lazy. Also, kids / teenagers need much sleep or 'relax' time since they are still growing which costs energy.

[@Arrow.on.the.river89]

That is what I do all the time mom say you made a bigger mess😂

[@XGNPrime]

Omg finally an ADHD video that i can relate to jesus i swear most videos just don't describe it very well. And yes, i have ADHD, i was diagnosed when i was 5 or 6 i believe. This video is so damn relatable like if I'm on my way to do something or I'm in the middle of doing it and someone tells me to do that thing or says something like "You're doing a great job, keep it up." I immediately don't want to do it anymore. It's basically just with my parents like I've told my dad before to just ignore me if I'm doing something and just don't acknowledge it, and especially do not tell me I'm doing a good job. He listened and didn't for like 2 months, then immediately he started to compliment it when I'm doing work or just make comments like "Oh so you're finally doing that?" And i get so just annoyed and unmotivated. Like you need to learn to not comment on it when I'm doing something, I've told you this. Oh this was longer than expected- if you read that congratulations, you've wasted precious time reading an annoyed ADHD kid rant. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[@ava6412]

Yesss this happens to me so much but it's more with my parents talking to me abt something and then I act like a 2 year old throwing a fit and later feel really bad about it. But it's just bc I have severe ADHD ( btw I'm 14) 😂

[@Leo_Valdez69]

OH MY GOD THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME! I’m finally doing something productive then my mother comes in and tells me how to do it differently or to hurry up!

[@Raven74408]

I have to slowly build up the motivation to do something, so if someone is snarky about me not doing the thing or not doing it to their liking then all that built up motivation comes crumbling down and I want nothing to do with it anymore.

[@msrogaz]

This simultaneously helped me understand my ADD self and why my helpful parenting commentary backfires.

[@AEM479]

🤯🤯🤯🤯 OH MY! You are changing my life with the lightbulbs you are setting off for me unlike any therapist, book, website, etc 🙏🏼🥰 Best part: You’re hilarious ❤

[@Ash_35098]

This is literally me whenever some tells me to do something I’m already doing omg

[@kbsworld9748]

YESSSSS so true.... it's like when you go to wash the dishes willingly then your parents tell you to, now you don't want to do it anymore

[@joebaby1975]

I can relate to both sides of this. I clean for a living and I love a challenge but would be passed if someone tried telling how to do it. On the other hand, I hate seeing people struggle with something I know how to do so I push them aside and do it myself.

[@oceanarocket]

Oh my god, I know this feeling SO MUCH but haven't put it into words. I feel it with cooking a loooot.

[@majerinoj]

I'm trying so hard not to self-diagnose. But this shlt keeps getting more and more relatable