Advice for Women Seeking Autism Assessment

[@MissLadyBelle]

Yeah I saw a psychiatrist a few years ago and when I told him that I suspect that I'm autism struggling with he just smiled and kind of laughed and said no I don't think theres any autism and I was just shot with such anger and I don't see him anymore . i'm Desperately Seeking help getting a diagnosis I'm living in Kamloops I'm 34 and I still live with my parents and I'm struggling everyday and nobody understands why and I desperately need this help . I'm not even a quarter through your video but thank you for making this video I'm hoping this is helping me feel better . it has so far

[@arianamooon]

Same happened to me recently but it was a caseworker. I endured 15 years being labeled bipolar and no one reassessed me just passed on the initial piece of paper. Its horribly frustrating. Learning about narcissistic abuse was really enlightening . It took over ten hospitalizations to get the bipolar removed. I could have died 30 times by then. Life has been so hard. Starting with parents who are abusive. No matter what box we fit in, every person is an individual.. and i was never treated right or valid. No one cared what my experience was or how to help. Ive had to study myself. Journal myself. Self reflect. Evolve myself. No ones helped. I had a psychiatrist laugh at me before and i dont even know why but it infuriated me and i reported her and actually she was gone the next time i went back. The neglect in this industry is enormous. I want to go into the field to be a therapist but i am so conflicted deeply bc i am so angry i have never been helped. But i dont know what else i can do anymore bc i have had so much trauma i feel forced to be in this field now

[@audhdcreativity5899]

Hey, sending so much love and support from an Autistic sister who understands ♡ I'm about to move to BC, but I am currently in Sask. I got my assessment through a grant (based on my income, which is social assistance and I am a solo mom) at a learning disability association, even though Autism is not a learning disability, AT 50 YEARS OLD!!! It took me years to find, and it was a miracle for sure. I am forever grateful for the validations and kindness of my assessor, who was informed on missed/late or mis/diagnosis in women. I was gaslit for years and told I was depressed and anxious... uh, YEAH, because no one believes a word I say and gaslit me since I was a child about being "too emotional", "too sensitive", "irresponsible" etc. etc. etc. It puts your disability on your shoulders and creates even more barriers to dealing with it. You don't ask people with sight problems to try harder and not depend on their glasses! Thank goodness I found out through my beautiful daughter that we are both Autistic with ADHD ♡ we are (literally) building a beautiful world made for us in BC on Vancouver Island... find me on FB - Neurodivergent Solo Moms on Vancouver Island ♡ Look everywhere- my daughter is about to get her Autism Assesment and it is through a mental health organization, which is also not what Autism is (but maybe they recognize the misdiagnosis or missed diagnosis population), so CHECK everywhere.

[@turtleanton6539]

Youbmight be maskingevär tonwell😊😊😊

[@borderline2K]

I’m on van island and it’s been horrible to find a provider as well. Wishing you the best of luck in your search

[@dragonabsurda]

Yeah, I feel like there aren't many diagnosticians at all in the interior. Even though Kamloops is one of the larger cities in the interior, it still isn't all that big. Have you looked for someone in Vancouver who is willing to do it by telehealth, maybe?

[@Sundayjean]

I suspect there is a lack of research on women and autism. It’s important to remember that historically research was only conducted and collected on and about males. Plus, we had a number of males in the field of psychology bringing in their own misogyny about the female gender. We are still living in a deficit of adequate research on females.

[@alexieshaw558]

It seems like women need to already know by self diagnosis otherwise they would never get help. I feel sorry for women that never figure it out and are isolated and downtrodden their whole lives.

[@christinelamb1167]

As I was my whole life until now, at age 59! I finally know what to call the enormous struggles I've had since I was very little. I am seeking to get a diagnosis now and I can't wait, is going to be SO validating!

[@ildyivy]

I’m just figuring it out at age 46 😒

[@denisecouchman9289]

Thank you for making this video Irene , and it’s lovely also to see comments from mature ladies , - I’m 60 , - Asked for assessment 9 yrs ago , 3 times , refused , gave up , but more recently had meeting with autism charity , and the person ( autistic herself ) validated me , wrote a letter for me to take to my gp (i’m in u k ) - this was a few months ago , - there’s a 2-3 yr wait on the nhs , but i’m going to start looking into private assessment , I feel i owe it to myself after struggling all of my life , to find a way to have myself assessed. I’m pretty burnt out at the moment , so am needing to get my energy up to find a suitable clinician ,put myself forward , and follow through .

[@alicia.mckenny]

During the process of getting my daughter her AuDHD diagnosis (which she has and she is now thriving with the supports and services that she needs), I brought up to my doctor that I would like to be assessed as well, because she and I share very similar traits but I was literally traumatised as a child into severely masking those traits. So I asked my doctor if she would refer me to a clinician who could do an assessment. She said, and I quote, "Autistics are completely non-verbal, so you cannot have Autism. And people with ADHD cannot remember simple instructions so they can't have jobs. Just find a therapist and do talk-therapy to talk about your feelings and you'll be fine." I asked again if she would just refer me to a specialist who would could make that decision and she flat-out refused. That was about three years ago and I still haven't found a clinician to do an assessment for me. It can be such a long, exhausting, disheartening process. =(

[@marymakesmandalas6068]

Horrible

[@TheCloverAffiliate12]

Ugh, I'm so sorry. That sounds like you need a different doctor, or at least a second opinion from a different doctor who would be willing to give you that referral. You deserve so much better, and I hope you get it!

[@juliak.9390]

This would have made me so angry too! Doctors that know nothing ! Did this person asses your daughter?!

[@alicia.mckenny]

@Julia K. No, thankfully. My daughter was referred to a youth specialist through her school. I am still looking for a specialist who is trained in assessing adults, and especially adults who are socialized female (we present differently), but every practice is full. 😑

[@alicia.mckenny]

@@TheCloverAffiliate12 Thank you! I agree, I would love to connect with a new doctor, but that search requires more executive function than I have at the moment. Some day!

[@stormseas]

what you said is true sadly, i tried to speak to my psychologist about my suspicions of autism and her instant reply was “i don’t think so, i don’t see anything wrong with you” 😐

[@Cr4zyLady]

Same... Well, her words were 'I don't see Autism'... My thought was, 'what do you think you are seeing? Because it's clearly not me...' but of course I shut down and said nothing... You're not alone. Let's agree to keep trying 🤗

[@nv3363]

@@Cr4zyLady I have a feeling that I will also shut down, I’m going to talk to my psychologist tommorow, however I’m going to tell him that I know that I am masking at all times unless I am alone. Then if he disagrees I already have a list of every reason as to why I suspect I could be autistic. And I’m going to tell him that autism in women is harder to detect because we mask it very well. When I first said it to my doctor she didn’t really believe me either until I told her that women mask it better, and I often suppress the urge to stim and I bottle myself up and try to act “normal” when around others. It’s not something I can just do with a switch of a button either. And if they still don’t listen to me I will either read the list myself or force them to

[@Cr4zyLady]

Can you explain how you unmasked in preparation for your assessment? For me it's a compulsion, I can't disagree, I can't speak up, I can't let emotions out (except some silent tears)... It's a genuine fear at this point to stand out in any way that hasn't already been established as accepted. Any attempt to be heard/cared for in the past has been met with condemnation... I shake and go non verbal if I try to make myself say something off script... I legitimately don't know who I am when I'm not agreeing and pleasing... And I don't know where to start chipping away at this... I felt I needed the diagnosis in order to give myself the licence to be more me... I also agree with your point about unmasking first... Any advice or guidance would be so so so appreciated!! 🤗

[@justmeandHim]

I am going through the exact thing. I run into so many social issues because when I try to unmask it’s met with someone thinking I’m being rude or have an attitude just because they’re so used to me smiling and being timid 24/7 when that’s just me masking to get through the day but I’m at the point where it’s becoming extremely exhausting.

[@rachele8380]

This works well for appointments, so I like to write things down ahead of time. I used to think written communication was “cheating” but it’s much easier for me. I bring lists of things to all my appointments so my doctors can read. not sure if that would help!

[@kalima7446]

​@@rachele8380 I do this too and it helps a lot to write down everything that I need to know the doctor. Because in the situation I not only forget what I wanted to say but I experienced time and time again that I am just completely unable to ask questions when it is so so needed. Like when I got judged "you are xy" but not followed with an explanation so I know how it was meant. At home, hours later, I come out of trance/brain blackout (?) and am so angry with me that I was so passive and didn't question. It's not helping me to look for who is to blame (my parents judged me for everything, even that I existed - experienced violence daily) but how I can stay aware/brain conscious (?), so I immediately question an ambiguous statement. I know I am not alone with this and it is seemingly a deep programmed behaviour ("if I dare to ask/doubt something I get in trouble" - true when I was a kid, but now I am in my 40s!! Others expect me to be able to do such fundamental things. I was never given an effective advice. Yes, mindfulness/breathing/stimming helps me, but not in social situations, unless I stay observant, don't participate/say anything. I feel doomed therefore but have not yet given up hope to find a solution one day. Maybe it gets better when I move in social situations and not stay seated like a good girl (the closer, the worse, in unfamiliar/unsafe counterparts). Movement (steps) signals the body there is no real danger. And when I choose different distances to the other person maybe I find the perfect spot where I can come back to me or stay with me and finally be/stay truly authentic. But I must do this before I engage with them when I am still conscious about myself. And I must do this on my own, without waiting for an invitation that I am allowed to be myself, to move my chair so I feel comfortable, less nervous, to dare to stand up to help my body feel more safe, maybe walk through the room (reminds me of vagus nerve exercises). While never expecting the counterpart to know for what all this is good for. If asked: I do what is good for me. Take agency of my life. What nobody ever thaught me. So I can finally be me. UNFRIGHTENED. Understanding and compassion, what I always seeked outside, I give that to myself. I have to do that because the chance that I meet an angel (good therapist/doctor) out there that invites me/offers me to do everything what is good for me is pretty minor. From my experience. Tl:dr: Take back control over your life and DO EVERYTHING WHAT'S/FEELS GOOD FOR YOU (no longer be a receiver of orders, hypnotized/unconscious), regardless of what others think about it. Visualize having real friends with you that cheer you up while you stand up for you. Use everything meanwhile what minimizes the effort: headband headphones with calming song, blue light blocker orange goggles, favorite taste/odor (e.g. lemon drop), eg. butterfly thumb exercise (see "Emotional First Aid / stressregulation excercises" by helper's circle /Kati Bohnet for more really effective vagus nerve calming exercises).

[@kyanight]

that's absolutely me in every word :( i feel u, it's absolutely hard to get help and be transparent in therapy or ask for help when showing my feelings feels like seeking death. i only managed to do something similar by completely disasociating

[@Cr4zyLady]

Hey 😊 for those that replied, I'm so sorry you feel the same, and I hope we can all work through it! In case my own revelations can help you guys, I thought I'd share some new info I came across since my original comment... 1. In a video by 'Autism from the inside' exploring the long-term damage of masking, he talks about the messages we give ourselves that reinforce the mask and erode our sense of self... Years ago I had identified by a psychologist numerous unhealthy schemas (definitely Google a list of schemas if you don't know what they are, but for quick reference we have conscious thoughts>subconscious thoughts>core beliefs>schemas, they are the schematics we use to process information)... I realised that my masking was very likely the root to developing my emotional deprivation, defectiveness, social isolation and subjugation schemas... 2. 'Autism from the inside' also has a video on 3 steps to unmasking... Which ultimately amounts to very slowly, and in settings where you can guarantee success, contradicting the messages we have been telling ourselves while masking. This is much of the process involved in schema therapy which has two main strategies; offering your inner child the support you didn't get through visualisation, and in life taking actions that seek to contradict those schema assumptions (not too dissimilar to exposure therapy 😅). I recommend both videos, and hope the schemas perspective may offer insights and new opportunities 🤗 I'm not finished on my journey, but I now think of my mask as having an opacity less than 100%, I think I'm at about 80%, which means there is a little transparency now, and in each interaction I push about 20% of my real true me out to be seen. So, while the mask is still there (and some interactions require the 100% opacity still), I am being a little more myself (and figuring out more and more what that even means) in safe spaces over time 😅

[@hotchacolate2]

I had an appointment three days ago, my psychologist asked what I was there for, and I told them I wanted to get a referral to get assessed for autism and he laughed at my face and told me there’s no way I have autism because I’m 25 and it would’ve been caught by now.

[@MissLadyBelle]

thats happened exactly to me too. im 36 and living with parents struggling everyday ununderstood and unhelped and unvalidated. constant stimming unless im being stared at. guilt, shame, i just want to hide. i cant talk about it or anything cuz its not valid or im being unreasonable. my head is a hurricane and i cant figure out to d3cide on words i should say. i shut down i cry cry cry. th3res so much noise here i cant find peace. everything is giant hard task. i cant do this everyday. i need a help to assess me right. canada has nothing for adults undiagnosed. i hate this everydag

[@turtleanton6539]

Way wrong 😊

[@Star_Rattler]

tell them "yeah that's why I want a referral, because clearly you are fully uneducated and unqualified in the matter of autism diagnosis." 🙃

[@Minakie]

I went to see a psychiatrist because he was part of the National Autism Organization in my country, and he was listed as someone who specialized in assessing both ADHD and autism in adults. It was a big mistake. He gave me pills for ADHD (but not the diagnosis) and refused to even give me the autism assessment because "I don't look autistic". I got a new therapist now and I started the process all over, but I've seen so many terrible therapists these past couple of years that now I'm 10x more anxious. But I'm also forcing myself to unmask a lot more because I feel like I jeopardized my chances with the other guy because I was masking too heavily.

[@christinelamb1167]

I feel you! I've been judged and invalidated my whole life because of the way I "look". I guess I mask so well that no one can tell that I genuinely have very serious difficulties with relating to the world. My brain definitely doesn't operate the way a typical brain does. I appreciate everything that Irene shares here, because she articulates in such a specific way EXACTLY what I struggle with (what I don't have the words to explain).

[@animal_person_]

You guys are so right! We are lucky to have Irene. I cry sometimes at her content, it speaks to me in ways I have never known I needed or anyone could understand- I suck at communicating these things all my life. “Eloquently” is the perfect word to describe her way of speaking. She’s got the gift. ❤️

[@thiccletics]

I went to get a nueropsych exam and they told me my autism exam would be separates the guy who did the nueropsych exam in the middle of my exam told me “oh it’s not autism but I’m not qualified to tell you that” 🙁…. And he kept telling me this…. Mind you I had to go back to this same place to get the autism exam. This upset me very badly…. I schooled him in female autism and told him about himself and the way he was performing the exam he was giving me as well. I ended up canceling me autism exam because I felt I wasn’t going to get a fair chance there due to his interactions…..

[@thiccletics]

*** follow up- I got my autism assessment and I am ASD and ADHD. ❤ find female informed assessors/psychiatrist

[@shanzoni1200]

I also realized that I kinda cling to aesthetics. It’s almost like I see a person and think may be if I could be like them if I just adopt how they dress and look and then I won’t feel like and Alien

[@toni5543]

i have a fashionable friend. when i choose clothes i ask myself if she would wear it lol

[@jmvanzalinge5023]

I was seeing a therapist at a low cost center (which I later found out he was a sociologist) that I wasn't really connecting with. But in one of my last appointments with him I brought up my suspicions. We talked about it, he asked me what made me think that and while I explained I mentioned taking assessments online. He asked which one and I handed him a stack. That really impressed him. Since I don't have insurance he suggested going to the psychology clinic at a nearby university. He said that since there are students that would be doing the assessments they would be a lot more thorough to make sure they don't miss anything. I haven't gone yet as I would have to pay out of pocket but this might be a good option for others.

[@misspat7555]

9:17- “Getting assessed by the wrong clinician can be very traumatic…” I think it’s very revealing of how my life has gone to date that my immediate reaction was to think “Eh, what’s a little more massive life trauma?” and laugh… 🤪

[@MissLadyBelle]

yes. its horrible being dismissed and diagnosed wrongly.

[@AllegoricSiren]

I have been trying to figure out for forever if I’m autistic or not. I literally can’t figure it out, because I match and resonate with a lot of things in autism, but then some of the core things that “every autistic person is supposed to have” I just, don’t experience. On a funny note, When you were talking about female misdiagnosis and the interests stereotypically connected with Autism (trains, trucks and dinosaurs) I laughed because I was really into this Grave Digger toy for a while, but mostly I had a HUGE Dinosaur hyperfixation and I’m still to this day obsessed with trains. The sounds they make are just so so good. I fucking love this train that comes by at 3 am because when it breaks it makes this kinda shrill, but also musical and haunting sound that I just really love.

[@Star_Rattler]

autism is a spectrum. there are going to be things you relate to and things you don't. don't listen to ppl who say you HAVE to experience abc to be autistic. for you, abc might be efg, or xyz.

[@jmvanzalinge5023]

I felt like that with adhd too, a lot of things resonated but the core of it just didn't seem to fit. Then I researched autism and it all made sense. There is a lot of overlap between the two so maybe you have adhd? Or they can often coexist and can downplay the symptoms of the other.

[@tiffs2954]

I been searching about adhd for while and for months I thought that was the correct diagnosis because I resonated with a lot of the things that people with adhd struggle but after searching on different sites, watching videos and so on I come across asd and started searching more about it and finally feel like this is it, this the correct diagnosis for me but was so difficult recognize it because I had this idea of what asd is because I have a cousin (that I barely know because my uncles keep him busy and away or inside his room every time we visit them. but I knew that he had been diagnosed with Asperger's since he was a baby and that he had very marked difficulties such as speech problems, anger and hyperactivity problems and intellectual problems that made him start school late so they put him in a special school (the way in which they referred to school). So I had all these misconceptions about what autism is and how it manifests itself. As for me, my difficulties were not so obvious to others apparently. in fact I was considered gifted for many years. the favorite of adults for having the best behavior and habits and that is why they let the signs pass. apart from the fact that my parents were hardly ever home because they work basically all day. Today my cousin is studying medicine while I have almost 30 years without a degree and without a job. I have been unemployed for almost 4 years and living in my mother's house. I was never able to combine work and study, and since I had no financial support, I had to choose work over study. When I was finally able to pay for my studies, no university accepted me. the difference between my cousin and me is that he received his diagnosis and the "necessary" help very early while I still struggle to find a specialist who diagnoses women and adults. I have wanted to mention it in my appointments with my psychologist but I do not think I will receive an encouraging response so I have held back from doing so. Your videos really give me hope and confidence that maybe one day I will get my diagnosis. These last few months have been really difficult but watching videos about real experiences of people who have been through what I am going through makes me feel less alone and a little understood. I thank you for sharing your path and your tips on how to handle everyday problems. I send you hugs and the best vibes. (Sorry if something don’t makes sense English it’s not my first language)

[@thethoughtspot222]

Everything you wrote made complete sense! And I’m rooting for you & your journey to seeking a diagnosis/ rediscovering yourself.🧡 & thank you for sharing your experience with me.

[@t.terrell7037]

@@thethoughtspot222so to do the single case…I find someone I like that’s not in network and have them fill the form out the form? So how do you determine who actually accepts this form while searching for a clinician, just ask about the form and whether they accept it? Thanks

[@t.terrell7037]

Can you direct to the link for online diagnosis? I don’t see it in the description. Thanks

[@ElvenFairie]

I am on this journey. Thank you for your words and thoughts. I was told by my last therapist that I “couldn’t be autistic because I am empathetic.” As kind as he was, I was shaken and angered by this comment. I no longer see this therapist. Hopeful that I can find someone in the near future to help me with my diagnostic journey.

[@Eryniell]

it's okay when they say that "these things are likely why you don't fit the criteria" as-long-as-they-did-proper-research-about-you.... I hate it so much when someone tries to make a judgement on my very complex situation based on less than a handful of meetings while even acknowledging that my situation is very complex....like "are you hearing yourself?!"

[@christinelamb1167]

I completely agree!

[@ValiantVicuna]

whoa, as soon as you mentioned a healthcare provider who just looks at you and diagnoses you without even talking to you. I FELT that! Wow. So blatant when you lay it out so clearly.

[@mnelson9057]

I don’t see the link to the article. This was great. “Professional s” really need to catch up with the science and start diagnosing women accurately with everything from connective tissue variants to neurodivergence. At least they don’t call MS “hysterical paralysis” anymore, they still have a long way to go to overcome their misogyny (including internalized) and stop gaslighting us. You were very diplomatic, obviously I’m not anymore.

[@mnelson9057]

I figured it out in 2011 but was told I couldn’t be autistic because I’m “not odd enough” and in 2012 told I wasn’t because I’d had a boyfriend (in my heavily masking high school survival mode). I have survived due to “pretty privilege”-many years ago. Now it’s time to get real with these malicious jerks and I just not up to it. I’m sure my disdain and disgust will sneak through the mask because I’m tired to my bones, and not as good at hiding it (or maybe just not as pretty anymore, so it gets noticed. But I have to try. Maybe I’ll find a decent, educated human, but odds are worse than winning a lottery.😢

[@NEONdoubleF]

Yea i went to a psychiatrist to see if i have adhd & or autism, and she did some pre-assesments on me, and told me i have a much higher possibility of being autistic! Which really affirmed my suspicions. But i didnt realize psychiatrists dont diagnose autism, so she referred me to a psychologist. Its been really hard to find one under my insurance but progress!!

[@qbee1312]

*Looking up neuropsychologist degree only to find I live in the best state for the specialty!!!!* Thanks, Irene, please keep making content. I'm sure you'll be a regular part of our family discussions as our 2 year old auti baby grows 🌈

[@pierceheart4659]

Wow, going to be going through this with my psychiatrist who has told 😢me that I don't have autism no way, and I like her. She's great. But, I'm going to have this discussion with her tomorrow. I'm nervous and hopeful. 🙏 I've had several breakthroughs with your channel and feeling more hopeful and empowered!!! ❤️‍🔥 Thank you 🙏😭💗✨

[@ilovecats21]

Thanks u so much!! Before I saw this video, today I talked with my psychologist and told him that how can I get a diagnosis cuz I told him I suspected it (my brother has autism and by investigating info to help me I've found myself relating way too much) and he told me he will talk about it with his other psychiatrist/assistant and on the next session he will see how he can help. I'm new on this psychological session because I got diagnosed depression like 2 months ago, but he is such a good psychiatrist and he is really caring, Im grateful that I found a good one. Edit: thanks u for remembering me about not masking while going to the asessments💞 I mask so much but it has been so tiring sometimes in home I unmask and my mom calls me crazy or weird. It sucks

[@HoneyIYKYK]

Therapy has just caused me to get more therapy. It’s annoying having to unpack stuff to strangers and then play the waiting game…just for them to just put you medications. Sending everyone on their journey positive energy and love cause this ride is not as smooth as it could be for us.

[@claudiapeet1835]

Thank you for making this video. I definitely relate to the second question, except the "healthcare providers" in my experience are how my parents reacted. My parents denied that I was Autistic, and they think I'm not because I can easily hold down a job, am verbal and can drive a car. I had to reach out to my therapist and ask her what my parents' intentions were with those comments and she said I was being gaslit. So that was not really fun to hear and deal with, especially because I thought my parents knew me as an individual, but I suppose not.

[@slena]

the psychiatrist + therapist who diagnosed me with depression completely shut me (and my mom) down when we tried to bring up autism, basically saying i was making too much eye contact to be autistic, the psychiatrist basically gave me an iq test saying that my difficulties could be explained by high iq? idk i wish he had been more understanding. i've taken multiple self assessment questionnaires that showed evidence of autistic traits but that didn't matter to him :/ i'm not currently pursuing a diagnostic but seeing my sister get recognition for her narcolepsy at 36 yo gives me hope that maybe i'll find a practician who is understanding. i don't know for sure that i'm autistic but i find a lot of comfort in listening to other women talk about their autism and how they cope with it, and i haven't needed a diagnosis for that, so truly thank you for your videos.

[@christinelamb1167]

I also had a psychiatrist about 10 years ago tell me there's no way I could be autistic, because I can make eye contact and I can talk. 😒He had no idea the enormous amount of energy and effort it takes for me to do those things on a daily basis!

[@marlowe5663]

I am 20 and made my establishing appointment for an autism assessment back in october of last year. I had that appointment in February and then made another appointment to actually have the assessment done, this time scheduled in May. Well, I just had that a couple days ago and I wanted to share a little insight into how it went for anyone else wondering. The assessment took 2 hours and consisted mostly of different puzzels and tests for me to complete. There were questions about things that you would learn in history class (I didnt know most of the answers😅) and math word problems that my assessor could on read to me twice and I wasn't allowed to read myself (I found myself getting lost at the first part and never actually listening to the last part of the question) and then I went on a computer and did a true or false questionnaire that was most likely test for BPD which I know I do not have but many afab autistics are misdiagnosed with. Overall it was an okay experience but I was surprised how little they wanted to know about my life and/or interests and just my intelligence basically

[@christinelamb1167]

Did they diagnose you with ASD? I wonder because it doesn't seem possible to make a diagnosis based mostly on intelligence only.

[@marlowe5663]

​@@christinelamb1167 Update: they did diagnose me with Autism. Based on what little she asked me she did figure out a lot of things which is her job lol

[@heatherwilliams3748]

Wow. That assessment sounds like absolute hell to me.

[@thegoogs]

i found a provider in pennsylvania who offered sliding scale or free assessments if you live in the state, and i was able to do it virtually! truly a godsend. i actually qualified for a free assessment. the assessor was a late diagnosed autistic herself and was a really solid assessor. ty for the encouragement to keep searching!

[@ieatpaintchips72]

Thanks so much for this online resource. I had such a hard time trying to find someone who can diagnose a high-achieving female. This would help me out so much. Last time I went to the dentist office I had to leave because they put my head in a vise and they refused to let me out. I had a true meltdown. Being able to say, I have a diagnosis and you need to not do this crap, would be so great.

[@maerrowmagick]

This is the best info I’ve found so far about the logistics of getting an assessment. It covered so much info I had to find myself. One thing to add is that the psychologist who is going to be assessing me told me that if you don’t have insurance “you can usually submit your receipts as medical expenses when you file your income taxes”. At least you can do that here in Canada. So hopefully that is the case for me because I’ll be paying $3000 for this assessment.

[@akumasaaan]

Speaking as an AFAB non-binary person who was misdiagnosed with several other diagnoses in my teens and early 20's (generalised anxiety disorder, schizoaffective disorder, depression), and took a multitude of medications to treat them not only took a toll on my physical and mental health (slept 14 hours a day, no energy, felt like a hollow shell, gained near 80 lbs), it also essentially erased two years of my memory. I don't remember my life from 2013-2015 when I was the most heavily medicated. I've also experienced so called "psychiatrists" in the past deter me from seeking an ASD diagnosis, most notably one saying, and I quote, "you can''t be autistic because you have friends", disregarding the fact my little brother-who was diagnosed ith level 1 autism as a child-is more sociable than I'll ever be and presented damn near identically to me growing up, even down to our special interests. It wasn't until I got off of the medication in 2016 and I stopped seeing who I was seeing, that the possibility that I was autistic and had ADHD was brought up to me by a friend (who was also autistic). Now I am very selective of who I reach out to, and will only consider people who have had experience with assessing adults (if they have experience with treating LGBTQ+ people, that's even better). I spent the first 30 years of my life feeling like I was broken, and now that I have the resources to change that I refuse to be deterred any longer.

[@lonlon58]

I want to challenge the idea that disability means "less than". What you said about having autism and living in a neurodivergent world lines up perfectly with a social model of disability. Disability comes from the idea that there is a certain set of things that "everyone" should just be able to do, to be seen as a full person. But those things are driven by economics. Not some inherent truth about human worth. As a neurodivergent person I proudly identify as disabled, because there are some things I just can't do. That doesn't make me less than, and the expectation that everyone should have the same abilities from the start, is ableist.

[@nova4476]

I highly suspect I have BPD+C-PSTD and AudHD (Autism + ADHD) after YEARS of thorough research but I have no idea where to start. I had to fight so hard to even get an anxiety diagnosis and had a horrible psychologist for years. I dropped out of high school because of the sensory overload and now I want to get a 504/some type of accommodation for college.

[@EliStyle14]

All the times she mentioned her background I was reminded of every time someone sees mine full of sloths pictures. Everyone gets extremely weirded out and asks "why do you have sloths pictures in your room?" when the answer is obvious, I love sloths and I don't find it weird to have pictures of what you like in your room. So, yeah lately I've noticed I have lots of autistic traits, did all the onine tests and they all come out really high and my mom says I'm autistic for sure but I'm scared of autodiagnosing and I don't have the means to go get evaluated. But everything makes sense when I think that's the answer I feel as if I finally found what's different in me. so hopefully I can start my diagnose journey soon, still I'm so scared of people saying I'm not autistic because it makes so much sense and it feels as if this is it after years of researching and trying to find what is wrong with me 🥲

[@keicoffman1508]

It sucks being in a country with little awareness of autism in anyone other than cis men. I'm sure my psychiatrist doesn't believe me, even though she predictably misunderstands me the exact ways NTs do, I'm just too "high-functioning" for her. My frustration trying to communicate with her is mistaken for mood swings when I'm literally trying to tell her why I'm so frustrated! After pushing she pointed me to an autism screening center but I'm scared of going, spending all this money, and being dismissed again - plus they won't even offer diagnoses! This trend in the psychiatry world of not wanting to diagnose people is harmful because without that diagnosis, nobody believes me! I have a ridiculous amount of evidence on my side, I even found out pretty much ALL my friends are neurodivergent and these supposed professionals won't listen. So we're people who tend to struggle with communication and self-advocacy, and yet we have to self-advocate EXPERTLY just to get people to believe we struggle with it! Maddening

[@ieatpaintchips72]

Thanks!

[@captaininki]

Thank you so much for making this video! Just yesterday i had a therapist (this was only my second session with her) completely dismiss my suggestion that i might be autistic by telling me i can't be because autistic people are completely unable to look people in the eye while talking. The fact that she dismissed me due to just this one stereotype showed me that she really doesn't know what autism looks like in different people esp. women (i'm nb but am usually perceived as female and had not come out to this therapist). And even though i knew in that moment that she was not well educated on the topic of autism, it still felt so invalidating to be dismissed like that. Without her even asking any further questions, just "you look at me when we talk so you can't be autistic". So thank you, this video gives me hope and is building me back up after the disappointment and discouragement of that therapy session. (I won't be seeing that therapist again)

[@Nk-qj1ix]

I’ve had the same exact experience with my therapist. I genuinely liked her until we spoke about autism. 😅

[@sunnylight5753]

❤️ Thank You Irene Have a Healthy 2024 EVERYONE!! Be Safe

[@bruoche]

I haven't started the process of getting diagnosed with anything (pretty sure I've adhd but didn't yet got the time to take an appointment) But the pain of being dissmissed by mental health professionals ring so true as someone who struggled with gender for a while and made the misstake of not going to a gender-specific professional the first time, really made me feel like shit for over a week

[@cheekiereynolds]

I have been unsuccessful trying to find someone to assess me. Every time I bring it up the response I get is that I’m depressed and severely anxious. I just wish someone would listen to me.

[@angelamarie8252]

Finding this channel has been so comforting for me & so helpful! This was the most helpful video on this topic that I’ve found. Especially in regards to the money aspect and being dismissed by health care providers. Thank you!!! Keep doing what you are doing!

[@Madmontyjam]

I have only just come across your video n I have only just (on the 9th of may) had an assessment for autism (I am 46 years old), was around 4 hours long n I was all over the place n many times not reaching points of explaining my challenges. I am so very scared as I have had many many many bad experiences with professionals in the past butt they did seem lovely. N they shocked me when they confirmed (without me actually saying it) that my mother is a narcissist n I have serious PTSD due to my experiences in life. Am scared that there was so much I wasn't able to explain in such a short time, n I hope they at least decide to talk with me more before making a final decision. Thank you for making this video, much love 💕

[@jbrubin8274]

Thank you so much for this. I’ve been trying for so long alone and need this kind of help. Blessings to all, thank you for your replies. They help one feel so less alone. 🙏☮️

[@abigalemunlin3653]

When I told my therapist about how I’m wondering if I have autism she said autistic people don’t crave human connection like relationships and friends and I thought hm that doesn’t sound right because isn’t autism a spectrum but I just said okay and brushed it off because I really didn’t wanna make any weird tension but it feels really invalidating to tell someone that you trust about a true inner thought and then they just reject you and every time I bring up how I think I might have autism her whole tone changes and it makes me feel really ashamed.

[@dingleshart5166]

My psychiatrist said something similar. She told me she couldn't diagnose me with autism because I have friends.

[@etcwhatever]

Im crazy for nail polish - disqualified 😂 im so glad you tell you about the traps. Therapy always felt like a minefield for me

[@myshavikes6263]

I just wanted to add(haven't finished the video so as sorry if you touch on this) that it's even more difficult for women of color especially Black women to get our diagnoses. It does help to find a therapist or clinician who shares your intersections. I am in the process of trying to get my diagnosis and working with other Black women has been life changing! This doesn't just go for autism diagnoses but also therapy in general. (It may be hard depending on where you live, but it's sooooo worth it).

[@yeahokaycoolcool]

I'm getting assessed next month and I have to drive almost two hours to the other side of my state for it. It's $2000 just for this so I'm so nervous about it. 😭 Also that website you mentioned is okay IF you pay for the $350 option where a licensed doctor reviews your case.

[@melisaco79]

I have a therapist in another state who diagnosed my Autism and ADHD. My primary care physician wouldn’t accept her assessment because she wasn’t officially my provider within the healthcare network here in Los Angeles, California. I stopped going to the doctor altogether because they won’t provide proper care. I haven’t seen a doctor in my town since going to the emergency room a year ago for vertigo. Outside of that, I don’t go to any Los Angeles doctors anymore.

[@annikajonasondonell2294]

Thank you for talking about this❤ Im seeking out an assessment for autism. Always just thought I was a HSP but as I learned more seems like I could possibly be on the spectrum. When I met up with my psychologist he basically just said that it's probably just social anxiety and left me feeling kind of dumb. But this gut feeling that somehow you just know what is true and not. Sadly feels like im not being taken seriously. Hope I will meet a good professional when I do the assessment. Btw thank you for your channel and that you are talking and sharing your experience 💗

[@musicbyady4900]

Thank you so much for such an amazing video. Saw you on TikTok. I really appreciate your content 🙏🏽💖

[@marsw062]

This has been so helpful. I’m so glad I found your channel. Such great advice. Thank you so much!

[@ryansshadow]

Hitting on the psychiatrist part a little bit, a good psychiatrist will refer you around if they do not specialise or have adequate experience with Autism - and a lot of them don't. I had to go to a clinic specialising in Autism, and the actual assessment itself was done by a neuropsychologist, with input from the psychiatrist. Unfortunately, not all psychologists are qualified to diagnose neurodevelopmental disorders either, so it can get confusing. Funnily enough I also got diagnosed at 25. It's crazy we can live with all these difficulties and quirks for our entire lives up until this point and not have a word to describe it😅

[@quinnr8215]

I ended up finally going through and seeking a professional diagnosis out of necessity. I'm currently in the midst of my Evaluation I had very few options because of where I am and no one who takes insurance. My evaluation is costing 3k. I was sadly not told about the single case agreement form.

[@TeddyLaTeddy]

I got told i cant possibly have autism because i can have eye contact, an advanced language and was self aware I can’t hold conversations/do small talk well because apparently someone with autism isn’t aware of that. Worst meeting of my life (yet). My doctor is sold on that I don’t have it either when I left 3 A4s with text about some struggles and how I was feeling and just got told I have problems with finding myself… idk what to do anymore

[@christinelamb1167]

Find another dr! You deserve to work with someone who understands and cares about you.

[@koholohan3478]

Thank you gurl♡

[@divin3_l0vee]

Thank you so much for this video!!! ❤ I really appreciate you!! 💖 Also, I loveeee your energy/hair/eyebrows/tattoos and style 🥰 you’re so beautiful!! You’ve helped me so much with all of this info 🙏🏽

[@marissaanderson3647]

You have been such a blessing to me. Thank you for these videos ❤

[@jeromegilly]

Will you please share who you saw for your diagnosis?

[@lynncotto371]

Awesome video, thank you so much 😊 💓

[@thesunnyroad]

I had my second and last appointment for an autism and ADHD assessment. I was so confused at first. I felt I was acting extremely nervous and wird with the doctor that I wasn't me. Somehow, I couldn't mask it at all. This is not usually how I act but somehow I was unable to look at her or stop timing; This was scary for me. Second, in the end, she told me and my family doctor and would get a letter with the diagnosis which left me wondering in panic because now I needed to wait again 😢 I wonder if anybody felt this way.

[@Hs5ab]

Yes for sure my bf still does not believe my diagnosis. He asked his psychologist friend, who had met me was I faking to get my diagnosis. Well his friend said if she is not rocking all day and banging her head, she can't be autistic. Ya I said a panel of doctors and 3 months of testing..... ya they all must be wrong. Tell him to stay in his lane with the prison system he works for. He knows nothing of autism. Especially since he said it's a man's disease, not possible for her. I just shake my autistic head, what a brain trust.

[@oksanakaido8437]

I do relate to a lot of what Irene talks about and to many "autistic traits" but not others. Mentioned this to my therapist and she agreed that sure, I may have some autistic features. But I guess she's not qualified to diagnose me in that way and I have other issues that muddle everything (severe hearing loss, depression, anxiety, obsessive/compulsive tendencies, a long history of an eating disorder, MS).

[@averylouise1024]

I have an appointment with my GP tomorrow to talk about getting a referral! I really hope it goes well.

[@JoULove]

I really like my psychiatrist (she has helped me manage my depression) but yes she does not seem to know much about autism unfortunately. I wish I had known years ago to talk to actual autism specialists and not just direct my questions to a psychiatrist. And to seek out autistic adults.

[@francessedolbrice]

Thank you for this lovely video

[@ilovecats21]

You are such a sweet person💞

[@eusounadja5738]

When do I know it’s a real and truthful diagnosis? What if I’m not autistic, the mental professional tells me I’m not, how can I trust and confirmed? Because I always see people seeking a positive diagnosis, how do they know is time to stop and actually accept and understand they don’t have autism? I feel like I’m walking towards some unknown abyss

[@stormseas]

love ur channel 💞

[@shaunkrose]

I needed this, thank you!!!!!!!!

[@UnraveledwithJoy]

I am on the process of getting a professional diagnosis, hopefully this works out

[@toni5543]

hows it going? x

[@hellsbells5389]

I was assest for adhd and have it pretty bad 😢 so I may reach back out the neurologist to maybe assess me for autism

[@strawberryfraisier6446]

I definitely think i'm on the spectrum. My brother, who has ASD thinks so as well. My mother took me for an assessment back in 2004 as a non-verbal 3 y.o at the time, but i understood everything, so i was "okay" 😂

[@wonky4802]

13:22 ..... i didn't know that was a common eperience at all i thought my psychiatrist just really sucked

[@love1111]

Does anyone know around how much the online assessment is? Has anyone done it?

[@avocado7593]

i love your videos. this video is very important. but i dont know if i could watch it till the end, cause there are lyrics in the music. this happens always, wenn someone talks and music with singing is included. its like i am hypnotized. i need to focus very hard. AuADHD here i think this is related. is it?

[@Malligue]

Is there added value in getting a diagnosis?

[@pmo873]

can you share which lovely clinician helped you with that single case agreement?

[@flynn4740]

I just started seeing a psychologist and when i said i might have autism she told me it’s just my Personality. I don’t even want to go back for my next appointment.

[@more2688]

Tysm!! ❤️❤️💫👏

[@MissLadyBelle]

yep. no one can see through my face

[@WizardKitty723]

Thanks

[@Lotusblume.8]

My psychiatrist said I’m not autistic because I look at him in the eyes.

[@Cass_772]

If someone from Canada is watching, some organization are paying for autism diagnosis

[@personax4603]

7:40

[@sonoftorin]

I’m a boy who doesn’t like trains lol. I’ll never be diagnosed 😭😭😭

[@Jay-qv8gf]

And here I am going to a mental health place AGAIN and maybe this time they will refer me idk

[@flubberbubberc.4331]

We don’t expect women to have autism, so we don’t get them help or help nurture them to their full potential. I’m non-binary and there’s no such thing as stereotypically male or female interests. If you’re socialized as a girl or boy you’ll be able to find a special interests within each gender realm, and bc girl interests are looked down upon… I’m afab and my interests align with the other sex, the trauma that I’ve went through.

[@flubberbubberc.4331]

We live in a male-loving society, and it’s killing female autistics.

[@nattokki]

Me too! I'm thinking of going into therapy soon and I'm kinda nervous about bringing this up and immediately getting shot down...

[@awaitingSaint777]

💕

[@user-dv1nr9bd3z]

Imaginary dialog: -But you don't look autistic -Well you don't look ignorant,go figure .... It is such a shame bad therapists/and doctors are such a recurrent thing.I guess they have superpowers and make the good ones disappear into thin air and let people wander in the (brain)fog.. As a woman, I have observed that the term " hysterical " is quite a hit and a "shove it all in" beloved term,even in year 2023. "a bit of hystery here,have we?" (mcas diagnosis) "a bit of stress?" "when you'll have a husband and kids, you'll feel well (a neurologist's take-ME/CFS diagnosed some years later). "it's all in your head" (during me/cfs inability to walk moment). Oh, I forgot! I also was told by a female therapist I just had a little "hysterical moment "when I told her, years ago, that I really had a moment like a meltdown,when I was feeling fake and a fraud, and I now understand I was reffering to masking and not feeling authentic. So... regarding mental health, I think I'll just stick to personal research for now, taking my time to read,reflect, taking some assesments online maybe later, and try some stimming toys for a start, without the risk of adding new problems like that. Official diagnosis for me can wait until I feel stronger.. I am discovering that a lot of traits I had and I considered classic are in fact autistic. I have always always masked and suppressed stimming and I discovered today that if I use an object to play with in my hand or roll it if it is a little smooth crystal,on my cheeks,it stops the teeth clenching I do when overxhelmed. I find the process of discovery both relieving and unsettling. I had judged myself so hard in the past and did not understand what was happening. I think maybe now things will calrify a bit little by little.Struggling also with me cfs, I also discovered my shame, and that I have internalized ableism,which causes it. Anyone relating to the feeling of utter loneliness? I had this since a child, i m 38, and always felt utterly alone even in company and battling with something which seemed to be intrisically myself and impossible to change,like my whole being was wrong and I couldn t change it.

[@Zebo262]

I really hope you are somewhere closer to where you need to be now 💙💙💙 I can relate to the ME/CFS. There are high connections with ME/CFS and ASD as comorbidities. It's not a guaranteed connection, but it's a higher possibility.

[@ToEnlightInLove]

I was told autism isn’t something you opt into, it’s something you’re opted out of….

[@EmiiSekai]

My therapist keeps bringing up ASD to me but all of my loved ones are like 😬 cringing that I'm even considering that I might have ASD. How do you know if you really have ASD and are gaslighting yourself out of getting proper help and understanding yourself or if you're just 🥲 impressionable? Because, I feel like unless I can get an actual diagnosis I don't even deserve to continue talking about this topic with the people around me. 🥲

[@shanikakelly7643]

No one can determine your inner experience for you. Whether diagnosed or not you are allowed space to relay and work out your experience.

[@etcwhatever]

If your therapist has that opinion then it has a possibility of bekng the case. If your family doesnt accept a diagnosis its their problem. I hope you take care