Body Language Expert: Stop Using This, It’s Making People Dislike You, So Are These Subtle Mistakes!

[@TheDiaryOfACEO]

I’ve got a favour to ask! If you enjoy this conversation, please double check that you’ve liked the video and subscribed to the channel! That's a small way you can help us carry on doing this, really appreciate you! ❤🙏🏾

[@sreedevi3652]

❤❤ Steven 💙 DRAMA DOES NOT JUST WALK INTO YOUR LIFE. EITHER YOU CREATE IT. INVITE IT. OR ASSOCIATE WITH IT.🌹✨

[@JJo1792]

This one made me subscribe (and follow her on Linkedin lmao). I dig this channel and the work you and your team are doing, a ton. Thank you for another banger.

[@ElleEstQueTropRoque]

Done and Done. Please could you invite top executive of the Video Game industry. It's a crazy time for the eletronic industry, would love to hear their point of view.

[@chrissmith5148]

Dr William Courtney, California, alternative medicine for terminal patients!

[@JoshMulhall]

i am always likeabole independent of the way i represent my body, it is impossible to determine what my body is thinking even if there is perceived language for the reciprocal who wants to reciprocal interaciton

[@robertassie3375]

Be genuine, be yourself, the world is hungry for authenticity. It’s through authenticity that we experience peace.

[@richardc861]

Agree apart from the world being hungry for authenticity. The world is like an addict, feeding on misinformation, deceit and apathy.

[@kj_H65f]

​@@richardc861the world is full of people, all who are different. Maybe your world is like that but mine is not.

[@wakeupstylellc]

Beautiful

[@andreilungu1136]

Putin is 100% authentic. Great advice.

[@michelle4688]

@@richardc861 um, yes, it is - hence the hunger for authenticity

[@GoldChocobo77]

"What makes us likeable is liking as many people as possible" Wow that's a revelation and at same time so obvious! 😮

[@VanMan83]

OK yeah.. but trying too hard to be liked... makes you... unlikeable.

[@ArcaneEiro]

​@@VanMan83well yeah if it ain't authentic

[@Dreamplandoradij]

Its a struggle for people who dont intuitively used to use voice hands and has poor feeling of other person state. They are lucky to meet those who will see the soul behind social awkwardness and strange grasping for friends ​@@VanMan83

[@karuzelastudio7858]

​@@VanMan83it's not the same though. Trying to be liked and liking people. The first one is offputting. The second one is endearing, unless you really overdo it. It's the difference between faking being happy and actually living it.

[@karuzelastudio7858]

​@@ArcaneEiroyou can't unautentically like someone. You can fake it, but that's not the same thing.

[@thebutcher7000]

“I always felt like I missed the memo that everyone got on conversation.” What an eloquent way to illustrate it.

[@odell.a7223]

I almost cried 14 minutes into this. I have muted my social cues, It has ostracize me for so many years. I can’t even begin to get into it. I am a pre law student and I will begin internships soon. This video has single-handedly boosted my confidence and optimism. Looking back I feel like a fool. So many people believed that I was snob or arrogant, and I could never understand why.

[@jennifertyrer931]

Happy this video has had a positive impact on you 😊 nice to read !

[@Nilcmazi]

You are fine! And will continue to do fine.🤜🏻

[@torstein817]

We love you,you are great ❤Thanks for sharing 😊

[@odell.a7223]

@@Nilcmazi one of these days I’m gonna write a book titled “Mostly Hated” subtitle “I Don’t know Why”

[@jah8772]

“He who wants friends shall present himself as friendly”

[@benjaminnel5891]

She really knows how to communicate in a light manner, or communicate, period. This woman knows what she’s doing, making the conversation absolutely engaging and friendly. Better podcast for it! Thank you Steven for exposing us to these amazing people

[@marthastrayton]

I agree❤

[@bobbyjones9461]

She’s great at manipulating you . Feel like this is just a way to make everybody more and more fake

[@mmhowze9095]

Love how into this coversation he is!

[@CJTranceAddiction]

@@bobbyjones9461 BINGO! She herself does not come across as genuine. We ALL have to put up a front out there in the wild. We can't be naked and vulnerable, which is the true self behind closed doors. As soon as we leave the house, we are all ACTORS. Everyone is full of it and making themselves out to be more than what they are. I'm just so SO tired of it all. I'm just tired of acting. I wanna go home and be me.

[@T-aka-T]

It strikes me as spruiking yourself, a kind of mesmerising entertainment rather than depth.

[@vusanichirwa1348]

This is a masterclass in people skills and emotional intelligence arguably one of the most important conversations to watch this year. Steven’s thoughtful questions and ability to draw out such actionable wisdom make this interview truly exceptional. Brilliant work, Steven this one is a game-changer!

[@johnbecker2394]

There is no such thing as a objective "emotional intelligence" in the common way our societies use the term. You're right, though. She's very socially competent, and it's impressive.

[@ryanclayton6496]

Over the top. Try-hard. Manipulating psycho. I bet her new friends are stoked that even though they apparently "know" her, she still uses her Magic Phrases!!??

[@dawnbuchanan3242]

Thank you for this interview! I have felt there is something wrong with me and I’m not very likable. I am 56 and have hardly any friends, no partner and struggle so much with relationships. I even got my MBA thinking it would help me in my career but my lack of confidence and low self esteem has kept me in more of survival mode. I am trying to thrive and create my own life. This is so helpful to hear. I think having these tools can help me with social skills and feel better about myself. Thank you for sharing this and being so authentic. I am hopeful!

[@wendyloubser-za]

"Thank you so much for sharing your journey so openly. The fact that you’ve taken the time to reflect and seek out ways to grow speaks volumes about your strength and determination. It’s never too late to build the life you want, and every small step forward is a victory worth celebrating. Remember, your MBA and everything you’ve already accomplished are proof of your resilience and capacity to achieve great things. Confidence is like a muscle-it grows with practice and patience. You are worthy of meaningful relationships and success, just as you are. I’m so inspired by your hope and willingness to create a life you love. You’re not alone, and the tools you’re exploring now will absolutely help you move toward thriving. Keep trusting in your journey-you are already on the right path!"

[@sacredrain7757]

We are privileged to be lifelong learners. I celebrate your new growth

[@thefamilybusinesscoach]

@@dawnbuchanan3242 bless you. Thank you for being so vulnerable. There is nothing wrong with you - you have simply discovered an opportunity for growth, which is admirable. We are all doing the best we can with what we have.

[@roonieh9619]

It really does not matter who likes you so long as you like yourself.

[@christineschell4792]

Absolutely brilliant interview. Wish I’d seen this 30 years ago. Every serious young person should see this immediately.

[@Mecagothits]

Yes very important for young people

[@laurabrevig5410]

Agreed! I'm going to put the information to good use now at 47, but the difference it could have made hearing this in my 20's or 30's 😌

[@mayflowerlash11]

Yeah, me too. Reminds me of a book by Gordon Livingston, Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart,

[@slylockfox85]

Bot comment.

[@rosemarymcintosh5088]

Shes my twin oh how i recognise myself in young adult years

[@mariam.abouzied]

Couldn’t keep my eyes off the screen during this talk. You can feel how fun both are having. Great convo!

[@tanianovoa]

I love that someone who's an actual introvert/ambivert is doing this. My communication isn't going to improve overnight, but this truly helps. Thank you Steven and Vanessa

[@mayflowerlash11]

Vanessa is having way too much fun in this conversation. Frequently she covers her laugh as Steven gives some interesting point of view. But her eyes give away her thrill. She truly loves her subject.

[@ar4tx]

That's what she wants you to perceive

[@Tuber80]

She's so authentic isn't she, it's beautiful.

[@CJTranceAddiction]

@@Tuber80 Authentic? You think so? Survival of the fittest. Some of the most successful people on this planet are not there for being authentic. They know how to play the game and go after what they want, no matter the cost. Some sacrifice their dignity to get up high on the pedestal. I know how this world works now. Being yourself gets you nowhere, actually. It's finding that persona that doesn't care no matter what that makes it in the end.

[@mayflowerlash11]

@@ar4tx That's a bit cynical. Is there any thing that gives you joy in your life? No? I thought not.

[@figgettit]

she's just being american.

[@buenasondas1147]

Everyone now talks about "Vibes". It's annoying because it's trite, yet we all know it's a thing. This lady is the master at actually identifyijg and deconstructing these "vibes" into actionable social concepts. Really incredible talk. Thank you.

[@jonsmith2848]

I’m only 30 minutes into this conversation and this woman is truly captivating. A very good orator and very likeable. Great guest.

[@AuntyKinu]

Ah... the name of her book.

[@figgettit]

you should go join a cult

[@charliecampbell197]

Indeed. Unfortunately her topic then makes me assume it is fake.

[@lucaselaine]

I'd love to hear her on narcissists

[@GeekanArtemis]

"People who say they feel lucky, are rich - those who say they feel unlucky are poor" You're both rich, of course you feel lucky m kl oro ml ns pp

[@emilylouise158]

I've noticed that usually the best interviews are over 2 hours, and the less interesting ones can be as short at 1hr 30, but 2hr 43?? We are in for a treat here

[@s_don57683]

Yes because length of interview is directly proportional to the quality of the content 🙄

[@nq6417]

Very insightful 🙄

[@JoshMulhall]

@@nq6417 this is why we have insight analytics, absolutely blows my mind that someone can talk for this long and keep their head on their shoulders

[@JoshMulhall]

@@s_don57683 is a warfare between the interviewee and the interviewer could go on for a million years and we would think it is only 2 hours

[@JoshMulhall]

how can you determine what the public interest is, you only know how the youtube algorithm has rigged the video for a political agenda, propoganda makes the most money in all its forms, its apparently gotten more creative

[@joelboneham4530]

This is the most amazing interview I've ever seen. She is so articulate, warm, competent and says things in a way that is so digestable. Everything she says is a new revelation. Love it

[@jf5998]

Can I just say, you have one of the best podcast around!! You bring soooo many amazing people on here with the best knowledge and information to share with us. You have helped me in sooooo many ways!! You don’t just bring “famous” people on, you bring people on with truth and positivity and information to help us all get better ❤ you are amazing! Thank you for all the knowledge with the people you bring on to your show! I look forward to watching every single episode!! You’re the best Steven 🩷🩷 & thank you to this amazing woman! She really is beautiful inside & out!! Thanks guys xxxxxxxx

[@stressknot]

I agree! Always stellar guests!

[@sheldevsim]

facts

[@tamtamr9081]

i agree!!

[@GeekanArtemis]

High performer, you performance improves - Performer? An actor, your own performance - what do actors do. You've all be duped.

[@Zpicismrad]

I've read both of her books and they've helped me tremendously in overcoming anxiety I have during small talks

[@goymedhundDogtrainingBehavior]

wow.. sounds like i need to get the books. I have ADHD and i am not cooping so good.. So happy for you :-D

[@123f89]

Can you share the name of the 2 books please

[@GeekanArtemis]

High performer, you performance improves - Performer? An actor, your own performance - what do actors do. You've all be duped.

[@Blessed77792]

@@123f89captivate - first book and cues - second book she also does courses - very good

[@Zpicismrad]

@@123f89 they are in the description of the video. First one is "Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People". Second: ‘Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication'. I think that the first one was more helpful to me personally, but both are great. I've had troubles in communication since I was a child, I was very shy, and to this day I always feel kinda nervous when talking to people. And these books taught me all those small questions and things to say in order to make interactions a lot better, from my side.

[@christophsproehnle2114]

This interview feels like a treasure chest ! Thank you for putting content like this on YT for FREE.

[@elsh332]

I love Stevens candid answers and responses. When he said it sounds like work to make effort with people, i could relate 😂 and i was so thankful for his honesty! This was a great conversation 🎉

[@Anna-nq4qt]

We looove Steaven))

[@illumistration]

I really liked how her logic felt genuine and practical and not some slimey “gesture-hack your way to success”. Much more just calling out how things are already being perceived.

[@maggiemarie6796]

21:48 when she spoke about how lonely it is not knowing how to be social is so relatable, absolutely loved this discussion. I have always wondered how I can be more genuine and likable

[@karuzelastudio7858]

I haven't watched this interview yet, but her classes helped me a lot, namely the on Creative Live. I'm neurodivergent introvert, and very open and unmasked with my friends. But having the skills to network and socialize made it easier. Because if you can't do that, it's harder to be in situations where you can find your people. It's a survival tool. It helped me a lot, but at the same time the real friends I got from being real. Also, realising that actually a lot of people struggle making friends at some periods of their life is quite freeing. It's okay to make an effort.

[@HikeandseekJennyD]

We mirror each other and have so much in our control. ‘Being likable means you’ve got to be first liker’. 😊

[@GeekanArtemis]

High performer, you performance improves - Performer? An actor, your own performance - what do actors do. You've all be duped.

[@NataliaMaximenko-cx5le]

I absolutely love how she talks., the speed, the volume, everything!

[@T-aka-T]

Takes all kinds. That's exactly what I hated. Babbling fast is superficially "exciting" - like crowds milling around in a city, which is often seen as "bustling/exciting". I'd prefer deeper discussion/conversation, rather than a sales session.

[@barusu1300]

@@T-aka-T Perhaps, Vanessa had some nerves at the beginning and you stopped watching before she settled into a more relaxed interchange? I almost quit as well, but hung in there and really began to appreciate her drive to overcome a very awkward social life. Steven got her to relax when he prompted an anecdote about a college professor who unlocked her personal potential and set her life's focus. Self promotion? I felt she was way past that and was honestly excited about her past achievements and future potential.

[@T-aka-T]

@@barusu1300 Yes, I'm being uncharitable, but it's "a type" as they say. A hype type. 😏I suppose I kinda wish Americans in general would slow down. Alway feel as if I'm being sold a car full of defects I haven't been given time to locate. Not keen on over-confidence in place of exploration - the smartest people I know are the most aware of their own massive ignorance. I'd even prefer British mock diffidence. Anyway, I supposed I'm a bit grumpy. 🫤

[@CSJHUANG]

As an ambivert person myself, I really appreciate this episode that conveys extremely helpful knowledge and insights!

[@raeperonneau4941]

What a great conversation. Wonderful information and even better chemistry! At one point in my life, I worked for two ultra-Orthodox rabbis, and one of the first lessons they taught me was that it's considered extremely rude in their community to ask someone what they do for a living, as people are so much more than just their job. It’s a lesson that hit me deeply and I’ve never gone back to asking “what do you do?”.

[@Retasha94]

Her vision of how you interact with the world can have an effect of how the world interacts with you is so important. Telling someone your thinking of them and looking into believing yourself as lucky is so important. I also appreciate that shes willing to openly admit that social intention is something shes working on because so many of us are also working on it more often then we care to explain.

[@kasijune88]

Having to study communication and connecting with people in order to socialize sounds as if she was a high masking autist without knowing it.

[@foolskiss381]

Going on with your comment, I would like to add and this is my opinion, this is true humanity, the true awakening, knowing exactly what and how we can affect not only ourselves ( body, mind and soul ) but others and the world, which is very mind blowing if you think about it 😅🤭

[@Jazz-fg2dm]

In fact, the "others" don't exist. You're interacting only with yourself in this life... But you aren't aware of it...

[@georgiheathen1282]

@@Jazz-fg2dmwoah that’s profound… merged nicely w the we are all connected we are one theory each person me if I’d been born blond instead of brunette if I’d been Asian instead of Māori if I made this decision instead of that playing out all at once instead of over time… that’s maybe the macro, micro every interaction becomes so influenced by my contribution to it that I’m essentially engaging with myself because of how I engage… but I also love knowing that we are literally all physically connected by the way our nervous systems and brains respond those of the people around us we are changing our chemical make-up in each moment in response the the people around us… so important to know that it is our beliefs and intentions and actions that largely determine how those changes occur… 🤔

[@jeromelightbody5155]

This is by far one of the best and most entertaining episodes on this channel. so much beautiful knowledge in this episode and easy to listen to. wonderful content from beginning to end. Thank you for this episode 🙏🏿

[@RootsOfEden911]

I never ask people what they do for a living. I'm good at making connections so I had no plans to watch this for nearly 3 hours. But she is so intriguing, I Watched the whole thing!

[@Photik]

What are your secrets?

[@RootsOfEden911]

@Photik be nice to everyone, don't judge, give compliments, if you like something (their hair, car, their accent, anything) say so! Gosh, there's a lot. She hit a good many.

[@savannahsowder9929]

I love the loooong interviews cause it’s natural talk most of the time. More natural conversations pop up, and i love how curious Stephen is. Cause he asks all the questions I’m asking while she’s talking. I get so excited to see a new interview.

[@twtw785]

This is one of , if not the best interviews you did. I am dazzled by her brilliance.

[@sukip1328]

She's passionate!! She loves and believes in what she does

[@PinPinKula]

so what? shouldnt that be the norm? what the hell..

[@JJo1792]

@@PinPinKula hey, why'd you have such a negative response to that?

[@dimitrioschoulis1190]

@@JJo1792 Cluster B personality disorders. Disordered. Disingenuous antisocial. Pesudoscientific nonsense. Period. P.S.: M.D.

[@PinPinKula]

@@JJo1792 its too low of a measure to be impressed by? It implies for me that most of you are in whatever you do for extrensic not intrinsic reasons and that makes me sad.

[@JJo1792]

@@PinPinKula It may appear shallow to you, but this person may just be stating an observation they had a visceral reaction to and wanted to share it. I don't think or feel like that's a bad thing, but if you want to see a more substantive response (in your eyes) to the content, then why not engage in that way saying that you agree and what you find to be more impressive... if you find anything impressive about the video. That way you're making the discourse you would like to see, and more importantly you don't make anyone else sad because you were saddened by something you assumed.

[@DJohnAlarie]

I would like more on 1) staying out of conversational trouble. 2) how people test you in conversation ie how good is your memory how goog are your thinking skills. 3) visual skllls eye glances at a distance etc 5) hearing 6) facial recognition and face retention skills 7) the whole bit about natural talents are parts you cannot fake.

[@BrockBellegante]

People don't watch you when you give all the answers

[@GeekanArtemis]

he had all the kids ranked? Creepy...

[@BrockBellegante]

@DJohnAlarie all kids are ranked that's why siblings under the same roof go through life differently

[@samanthalotusmastery]

Stephen, this is the most warm and smiley I've seen you in all your interviews - it is precious to see

[@greatestsportslegends]

I have been addicted to Vanessa's content for a couple of years now... and this may be my favourite of all her videos. Well done, everyone. Well done.

[@luellachavez365]

Same!!! And it’s clear Steven had a lot of fun during this conversation as well!!!

[@GeekanArtemis]

he had all the kids ranked? Creepy...

[@dmitrybubin]

This was a truly gem- packed conversation! Had to pause it multiple times to think about and even rehearse the moves and tone. And the power cues! Just gold!

[@deboralopess]

I absolutely loved this interview! While I’ve seen some negative comments about Vanessa, I can’t stress enough how much value she brought to the conversation. Even Steven clearly appreciated and engaged deeply, which made it even more exciting to watch. I highly recommend everyone take the time to watch the whole thing, it’s totally worth it!”

[@samanthawells3620]

I have followed Vanessa Van Edwards for years and taken one of her classes. I love her teachings and how upbeat she is. I'm so excited to see her on your channel!

[@davidtrujillo9770]

Over the past couple of years, I’ve noticed changes within myself, and I often wondered why and when they began. In trying to protect myself, I withdrew and went down my own path, becoming deeply introspective. I surrounded myself mostly with my family but struggled to be kind to them. However, after several months, I had an awakening in my social behavior, and this interview made me understand many of my mistakes.

[@MagnoliaZZZZ]

Imperfection in others is endearing and instantly makes you feel more at ease with that person. With a perfect person I feel like I'm not good enough somehow.

[@GeekanArtemis]

he had all the kids ranked? Creepy...

[@George-q6p]

She proceeds on the assumption that introverts are necessarily people who do not know how to socialize, and who need to overcome their inhibitors. But that is not so. . Many introverts simply prefer few friends and solitude. They are able to socialize IF THEY FEEL LIKE DOING SO, but often they don't feel like doing so either because large group interactions are relatively shallow and not intense enough for them or because they simply prefer peace/ quiet to everything else.

[@ThatGuyXX7]

Many are also autistic. But ultimately, I have known more introverts (I am also an introvert) who want to socialise more as opposed to less.

[@anttikarhu22]

​​@@ThatGuyXX7no they are not. Introvertti and autistic, completely different.

[@fs5775]

🙋‍♀ Yup, that's me, we exist. Highly introverted, highly socially successful but socializing is very draining for me so I only do it with select people in select situations.

[@alecogden12345]

@@ThatGuyXX7 Introversion is only about 17% higher in the autistic community compared to neurotypicals, estimates vary widely. Many of us are extroverts.

[@chrisk1489]

@@anttikarhu22 I think autistic people are most often introverts. Also if you didn't pick up on it, the lady in this interview is very likely on the spectrum herself.

[@h0ly.dre88]

Translating this science into spiritual terms, energy is everything. You cannot hide or fake your energy (hence “fake it till you make it” does not work). Your emotions conduct electricity that is powerful and potent that it can be “picked up” or as I call it “sensed” by others. In other words, you can feel it (as Vanessa explains here while discussing the chemical process behind the facial expressions). All that to say, vibrate high and know your worth. Condition yourself don’t become conditioned by others and be yourself unconditionally.

[@EyesofEzekiel]

They say education begins when school ends. You consistently create great content that makes me smarter. This channel is absolutely incredible. This interview might just be my favourite episode of them all. Thank you.

[@norwegianzound]

Better be commencing that sooner then, seeing as Trump is shutting down education.

[@bluesun2215]

School has nothiong to do with education; everythiong to do with subservience and uncritical compliance...

[@niknik7470]

That was so cringe. I want to barff.

[@ambermoon719]

Education never ends as long as your mind still wants to expand.

[@42Kangur]

Such a great episode! Thank you Vanessa for mentioning constant use of AirPods. I've been trying to raise this issue among my friends for few years now and everybody thought I was the weird one for mentioning that constantly cutting yourself from these micro-interactions could have a negative effect on our society. I'm glad that there are other people who notice it.

[@noob19087]

I used to be a lonely kid in my school years. But in the first year of university, I met someone I really wanted to be friends with, but was too shy to approach them. Fast forward to the second year, it's the first day, it's some lecture, and I see the guy walk past me. So I accidentally, unconsciously, unintentionally, just blurt out "hey dude". Like I didn't mean to say that, I wasn't thinking "hello", those words just came out of my mouth as an unconscious reaction to seeing him. Fast forward 2 years and we're best friends now, and I have a network of a few more close friends too. The cause of me developing charisma was an actual verbal hiccup.

[@jherian36]

This might be favorite guest! There have been great conversations on this channel, but listening to Vanessa genuinely made me smile nonstop!

[@GeekanArtemis]

he had all the kids ranked? Creepy...

[@JBUHJBUH]

​@GeekanArtemis What's creepy is your commenting this in every single reply, even when your replies have nothing to do with the topic in the original comments...

[@GeekanArtemis]

@@JBUHJBUH You 77th brigade, do not like me messaging human beings directly. Go ahead, delete my comments. But you can't delete what's being seen can you.

[@priusa8113]

I would like for Vanessa to please address all this great talk to people who are neurodivergent ( ADHD autism etc) . Body language , verbal cues are a WHOLE different ballgame for us who are neurodivergent…. Thank u❤

[@spicyskyraisin7745]

Came here for this comment! YES! 💯!!!!! …. It’s not instinctive and many would have difficulty with simply learning and applying it as a new skill as the social nuances are unfathomable to many who are neurodiverse. Furthermore under Dx in adults is very real!

[@mkconsultants3139]

So glad you asked tihis -

[@YaraAldabbagh]

I'm Anne from the House of Green Gables, which was eye-opening. I always felt like the recluse dork who has opinions different than everyone in my school and ended up very popular and always wondered why I was popular. I never felt i had traits of popular people. And after listening to this interview and finding out what popular people traits are, I understand myself better.

[@aymenasfaw]

Am half an hour in, and I finally understand why people think I am always looking for a fight😂

[@lovedove2661]

😂

[@KMadina]

😂😂

[@katexu347]

😂😂😂

[@Mecagothits]

LOL😂

[@jmincher3]

Right?

[@myrahunter131]

OMG this is such a huge service to me! 24 minutes in and I'm thinking, that's me! From a very young age, I lost myself, trying to be like the ones that it seemed easy for. What are they doing that everyone loves them? Almost 70 now and excited to learn more! My mother would always say, "Put a pleasant expression on your face!" I hated that! But, I've caught my reflection and I get it. I also shut down when using my stories falls flat. Damn. Ordering the book now. Thank you, can't wait for the rest of the video!

[@Zensjo]

I think there is a lot we can use but there is a huge danger hidden here. It is about what she says about when people are low achievers and how they can influence other people in a negative way. There are many people who are low achievers because of illness or trauma. They need people that can lift them up. Should high achievers or people who want to grow avoid these people??? NO Low achievers can offer you the learning to be humble and caring. So that is something that should be looked at and maybe explained more subtile and carefully. For the rest I thoroughly enjoyed her expertise. I have learned a few things. Thank you 😊

[@Space_Princess]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@ayla4686]

I had similar thoughts while listening, I totally agree.

[@VulcanXIV]

Your logic makes sense but reality can sometimes be brutal. As someone who wishes I could have someone lift me up, there are countless sayings and phrases that put out the notion that people can only help themselves. Even doctors are taught to not recommend things, because the patient is less likely to do it. Life is a contrarian hell.

[@recuerdos2457]

I think mature fair ppl tend to want to be able and independent rather than just being ‘liked’.

[@hightidemidafternoon]

Also then stay away from grocery shops and just drive your car straight to the dump cause guess what us low achievers cater to your needs all the time and guess what? you need us and we don't need you.

[@mayflowerlash11]

Timestamp 22:00. I was an introvert with no friends. I realised I could not continue this way and lead a full life. (imagine the corollary) So what I did was to observe the behaviour of socially successful people around me. Then copy it. And it did take years. Nearly a decade. And gradually very gradually I gained confidence and social skill. At 69 I have 4 children and 9 grandchildren and a happy life.

[@PinPinKula]

lol, most socially sucesfull ppl are psychopaths.. dont you ppl have any self value or you constantly search for validation ouside yourself. my god.

[@nirradical]

Exactly. I was always very awkward but at some point started observing how other "normal" people interact and just tried copying

[@PinPinKula]

@nirradical and now.. you are a copy? Lol

[@PinPinKula]

@@nirradical diversity and wonder should be celibrated not fitting in!!!

[@mayflowerlash11]

@@PinPinKula Yeah but I only copied the behaviours I eventually felt comfortable with. I am unique just a different kind of unique from my original self. If you try to improve yourself by inventing all the tricks others use you will not get far. Life is too short. Thanks for your reply.

[@ErnestoVrilli]

Hey, salesperson here! This is gold! Thank you for making this podcast.

[@NaChamRu]

I love how with just one question and we see two people were able to explore their thoughts and have deeper understanding and connections.

[@thatskaren]

Watching this brought me back to my non verbal communication class at OCC, my professor called our assignments experiments as well. Very thankful for the refresher course! The diversity of subjects talked about within this short span of time are so incredibly profound and really do ring close to my heart. I truly hope at some point soon society changes back to “the good ‘ol days” on some basic levels of socialization and communication. Otherwise we might all loose ourselves to our own isolation and disassociation. The gesture of greeting someone as you pass by them, feeling seen and not ignored, given time or consideration because you have mutual respect for another human, consideration, mindfulness, self awareness… my mind is buzzing on all the topics. I have great hope in us that by constantly asking these questions of how to be human again… we will get the courage back. I have a blind hope or trust that the ones who want to grow and evolve are the ones who will bring on a new wave of kindness and community… an awareness towards others and less everyone on their own island disassociating from everything else. The ambiguity of never clearly saying how you deal and the fear of rejection vs just trying to take the courage to just speak the truth.

[@verdeyazul23]

I used to think I am the most unlucky person and this changed and now I can't believe how lucky I am. If you work on yourself it gets better

[@kezzokav5905]

Definitely, it's all about perspective Unlucky in comparision to whom? A terminally ill patient, a newly permanently paralysed person, a homeless person...? It's all about perspective and not allowing yourself to endulge deeply into self pity and wallow.

[@verdeyazul23]

@kezzokav5905 I was a kid / teenager and my family was quite poor and I was going to a rich kids school. I was comparing myself to my peers and although I knew there were people far worse off than me, I hadn't seen much real life examples. It definitely helps not to wallow and to concentrate on what is up to yourself to change and make it better.

[@SL-mj2eq]

Well im a very unlucky person cos i never won the lottery .... But i still got all my limbs...

[@verdeyazul23]

@SL-mj2eq yeah, i never won the lottery but I also never buy a lottery ticket.

[@QualityIsQueen]

I watched several sections more than once. It speaks volumes when a person embodies what they are talking about. I love her vulnerability and honesty through out this interview. Of course, Steven, thank you for asking the best questions! I love how they show you are listening and how each person is made to feel important. Your style brings the best out of each podcast I watch.

[@marjorieorveau6707]

What a conversation! When I saw how long it was I was thinking of watching a few minutes out of curiosity and ended up watching it all (except the ad I must admit!). I learned so much. TY

[@julieh5493]

Same!

[@tamtamr9081]

same!!

[@angelinevanaman8135]

Wow! That’s Me! I was popular in High school, because I was a chameleon, I fit into everyone’s group 😎. I’m 62 Now& I’ve been a Hair stylist for 40 yrs. People wait to have conversations with me! I am a very friendly person & I am truly Happy & Greatfull! I am an Empath & have learned how to protect my Energy, I am. Healer✨.

[@jordanremakes]

I literally sat here taking notes while watching this. There’s so much power in knowing how to connect & communicate with others and I think we’ve really gotten away from that as a society in recent years. I’ll definitely be using these tips moving forward and I can’t wait to see how my relationships change and grow from it!

[@lynnxe]

As a neurodivergent person, this breaks my heart on some level. I’ve been masking all my life, studied other people to try to learn how to fit in, and I can fake it for a period of time and charm everyone in the room. But it is EXHAUSTING, and leaves me wondering why we can’t just accept one another and let people be their authentic selves? This can be framed as a “skill”, sure, but it’s hard not to see it as oppression from the dominant neurotypical group towards anyone who is different. 😢

[@recuerdos2457]

I hear you… she tries very hard to talk about her skill like real science. It’s not, and I can see she s faking, she doesn’t have to be a ‘warm’ person to be liked, but who cares, it’s normal that we can’t make everyone likes us. Everyone is different, I think Steven is charming the way he is

[@lynnxe]

@ exactly - it’s largely cultural norms that she’s talking about, and while the studies themselves might be scientific, what she takes from them is just recognizing cultural norms and promoting adaptation to the sort of corporate (and largely white American) dominant norms. And I guess if you can learn these skills it might make you more “successful”, but will it make you happier? And more importantly: does it make for a better society?

[@stilianifakidaraki3724]

The most interesting people are just actually good people . They are not valued as much because our culture is superficial and short lived. ❤

[@thatskaren]

I think the fact that we are all coming together collectively as a whole asking very similar questions and goals- we are evolving and the ones who want to be better, more emotionally aware + mature and do that growth will come forward. Hopefully it’ll be a domino effect.

[@thatskaren]

@@lynnxe true context is key and a lot of what she is speaking about doesn’t take into vast cultural norms that KZbin reaches with its viewers. Cultural cues are another important facet when it comes to non verbal behavior and communication.

[@joesph9748]

I have learned to just be myself and not worry about what people think of me. I know I am a good person and considerate of others. So, my suggestion is be yourself.

[@NK-qw5vt]

I think learning to be yourself *is* precisely the point. A lot of people don't know how to do it. Like in school and at home we're not taught how to communicate but how to be less of a nuisance to the adults. And then suddenly it's go be an adult and find a job. When you spent all your life trying to be invisible.

[@zenostrixster]

It's interesting because being ourselves is really fine. Their is nothing wrong with the content but it's expression. You need to have faith in the content which is you and also realize that authenticity is the best thing and inauthenticity is worst vice. In my opinion even if you're authentically not feeling that well it's still better than faking warmth. In that case you should just question why you are here in the first place

[@welm8412]

She never told you to not be authentic and to care about others perception of you, she just wanted to help anxious people to stop being anxious about interacting with other human beings, she multiple time said to not be i authentic not fake a smile or say something you don’t mean.

[@JBUHJBUH]

​@@welm8412 Yes, like making sure you * DON'T fabricate* a reason to message people but that you ensure you * DO seize* the opportunity to *let someone know* that you *really WERE* thinking of them. This is a key difference that some folk seem to be glossing over in the comments... I wonder why so many of them seem hellbent on seeing things this way (maybe a knee-jerk reaction to being 'told' to do, even when the telling is more like 'advising' instead)?

[@welm8412]

@ yeah maybe they think she’s making them do all this when no they have the choice to do them if they need them

[@lizm032]

I’m 25 just got my first managers job and I am honestly finding it quite over whelming at times. I worry about difficult conversations and how people will take to me. I am so glad I found this video, thank you! Looks like I’ll be getting the book! 😊

[@xzonia1]

When you smile without realizing you're doing it, you have an adorable smile, Steven. Go to 46:10 when you're focusing on saying 5 but holding up 3 with your fingers and you'll see the smile I'm talking about. :) I tend to not enjoy interacting with most people. It's exhausting. But I naturally do several of the things she suggests people do in this video, so that might explain why I've never had trouble making friends throughout my life. I haven't had much success financially, but that has more to do with health issues and medical bills than being able to get along with others. Loved this interview! I need to read her books. :)

[@celestehogan5907]

Vanessa is completely believable. I’m one of those in between people who is extroverted w right person or right circumstance. If I feel unwanted, criticized, unappreciated, even after helping a person, i know I’m not my true self.. even at this late stage in life ..how I prepare for meeting new people or seeing my supervisors, as my resting face, not as nice or pretty as it was decades ago. So thrilled that while I was learning to accomplish my caregiving skills and accept myself and also my clients, im much improved .. also better boundaries on over sharing. Thanks for this marvelous guest who has an open heart.. helpful in these days of abusers, manipulators and/ or critical people. Ch 😊 I ordered your book. 📕 I’m sure I’ll love it … thanx!!Ms VVE

[@GeekanArtemis]

Social credit, weee, don't sit near low performers, you'll never get the part...

[@lorainisrael]

To my perception, Steven always sends the warmth cues. That's why I like this channel the most, he is competent, but more importantly he is sincere and friendly with his guests. So most conversations are like a chat between friends.❤

[@anuradhamohan92]

When you said about liking people that’s how I am . I don’t do it pretentiously but it happens naturally ; I have a good support system and friends and we all do it for each other .

[@viktoriyask]

This is the best interview of 2024 for me. So many golden nuggets and actionable content with amazing examples! I loved how Vanessa made Steven more likeable and warm by asking the warmth questions. It felt like Steven found some answers to the questions for himself and that felt very special. LOVE it, thank you, a true gem!💎

[@recuerdos2457]

I have found Steven charming as the way he is …

[@Teadekun]

Vanessa is such a positive character! Great pleasure to watch her : zero arrogance, straight to the point , live examples- perfect

[@mandanesss]

One of the best interviews on this channel. Captivating speaker who knows what she's doing!

[@Nivibunny]

I think I finally understand why it took me a year to hit subscribe to your channel Steven. It’s cause you lack warmth. I kept coming back to listen to your interviews because you had competence.

[@ginam.4990]

While I feel the same, he is a good interviewer.

[@Sonia-zq9ek]

By far, one of my favourite episodes… So easy to listen to, engaging and packed with actionable knowledgeable tips. I love Vanessa’s charisma 😍

[@fs5775]

"I'm a hugger!" "I'm not." Still recovering from the cringe-level of her story, dayum. Lots of useful tips in this conversation although thinking about these things too much in the moment can totally paralyze us.

[@dumbguydepot304]

Started following this lovely lady around 8 years ago. She's on another level. Thank you.

[@GeekanArtemis]

Social credit, weee, don't sit near low performers, you'll never get the part...

[@dumbguydepot304]

@GeekanArtemis Let me watch it and see what you mean. I only got 9 mins in then had a friend come over.

[@dumbguydepot304]

@GeekanArtemis Just the fear sweat thing is big because we can sense that aroma and we don't like it. Apparently when there are subway hostage things people can sense when they get on the train something is off. How do they have Steven's camera so close to Vanessa you can see her on the left getting into frame. Move it over just a bit please wtf. Went through the vid, not sure where the social credit score was mentioned but the 'don't sit near low performers' is real. So what about it triggered you? Are you a poor performer at work nobody wants to sit beside? I honestly don't understand the issue? Try a gratitude journal, write 3 things in it daily, you will be shocked at how you see the world.

[@bizbit34]

I bought the book before I was half way through the show. It was so much of an eye-opener. Thank you both for what you do!!! Wishing the best for all!

[@larryl.ian.]

I've watched most of your episodes for the past three years now and this is definitely in the top 3 for me. What a GOATEd episode

[@blahblahblue55]

Excessive social cues are exhausting and can come off as insincere and who wants to waste their time with someone who is always performing and fake? Steven's calm demeanor is much nicer and genuine.

[@fs5775]

I think it comes more naturally to Steven. It doesn't for this woman so she's providing people like her with tools to see how people like Steven do it unconsciously.

[@18yearsoldnot]

Totally. Especially forced eye contact

[@joe1071]

OMG we just had a birthday party for my kindergartener. A lot of parents we haven’t met, and this one mom was SO over the top fake. I was actively escaping her presence the entire party. Like nails on a chalkboard to be around that kind of person. Zero percent authenticity

[@donnagallant2961]

❤ I have not been social for awhile. Being around people can be overwhelming at times. My calling has been taking care of a Family member. I relocated aprox. 10 years ago. Leaving behind great friendships. I found your interview very intriguing, and insightful. I took a lot away from listening. It's changed my perspective on me as well as those around me. Great information, watched it a night, couldn't sleep. Great way spending time. Glad I could not sleep... LolLol. ❤ Thank you Again.

[@VincentBeauregard-i8o]

Agreed. If you have to plan your social cues, they will feel fake. How about actually BE empathetic and positive and concerned? That should work.

[@kargas5490]

ive watched over 150 episodes and this is the first time ive ever gotten out my notebook and taken notes, not only does this guest captivate but she gives practical examples and thouroughly explains the processes involved, by far my favourite episode, i guess you really do keep on improving the episodes as the subscription size grows

[@bloodynorahvan2203]

Get to 50, stop caring what others think

[@user-hc1fm9vh8t]

Sounds nice but easier said than done. And why wait till 50? Why not actively work towards that attitude now?

[@toxictroll7843]

you are right, other people are dumb, only I is smart!

[@AhmadLuthfiProfile]

I'm 30 now, what should I do to get +20 more?

[@lisarendon4173]

✌🏽🧠🔑

[@GoNoGoDIY]

Right...

[@AlexaVonSuess]

As a person who was recently diagnosed with autism, this video brings up so many mixed feelings. I hate that we have to perform for other people in order to not receive negative judgement (which can great impact our ability to get basic resources to live) but I also appreciate the guidance for people like me whereas this is not obvious. I would also say that women are typically expected to be more bubbly, more interested in other people, and generally pretend to be happier than men. This video is a good reminder of that.

[@calista1280]

So sorry, that you have to pretend to be happy. I would highly recommend listening and practicing with Eckhart Tolle, so you can truly have peace of mind and be comfortable and happy in your own little world... Exploring and expanding your mind and the way you perceive things, will change your whole way of thinking and living!😅🎉 🌎

[@glen.simpson]

unless you had developmental delays as a kid, it's more likely your are biome impaired from western food....

[@HumanimalChannel]

Yeah. I'm exhausted

[@traceyjoel2473]

It can be much more challenging for autistic people. It can also be next level exhausting to the point of burnout and then the need to completely retreat from the world to recover.

[@smitharao6578]

The guest today is God's blessings to parents who are trying to raise children in today's world... With all its challenges!! I found Her tips and advice tremendously valuable!! Will watch this again and again with my kids!! Love from India!

[@KayoWithDaMayo]

What a phenomenal episode!! I’ve learned so much!! I’ve been in C-leadership for a while now but just realized I’ve been introducing myself with a Question Inflection for so long 🤯 So many “wow” and “Aha!” Moments in this interview. Well done!!!

[@YaraAldabbagh]

Yes! I also now see how, when Inget asked about a salary expectation, i answer with a question and always give a ballpark figure and i ALWAYS get offered the figure at the lower end of the range.

[@bethstaar333]

Lol 😅 15:58

[@bethstaar333]

15:58 15:58 😊😅

[@Betterworldforyou.]

Thank you Vanissa you are highly infectious and Stephen you are highly vulnerable that make you are extraordinary. This will be extraordinary pod cast. Please have Vanessa again this after watching 2nd time .

[@sierra117420]

This is the single most important and eye-opening podcast I have watched in my life has been life changing for me. She explained exactly what I go through, and I didn't even know what an ambivert was or if I was one until I heard everything she describe and it ended up completely describing me. I will implement all the cues and communication tips in my everyday life starting tomorrow and see how it goes.

[@Cocoandindy]

I think the likeable people are authentic (as well as confident, seemingly carefree, average). If you're "liking" everyone it might come across as fake.

[@dertythegrower]

Bingo.. of course this lady showed.... not that 😂 It is a city all their life thing.. they do not get it.

[@dertythegrower]

100% this... a lot of ladies in the city won't agree because their lifestyle makes them interact with many people a day they 'have to be nice to'

[@Cjusmc28]

Agreed. I think that the real difference is that they are thinking more about others than being critical of themselves.

[@joesoy9185]

Everyone´s darling, but friend of no-one.

[@tatianah.4515]

You don't have to be bestie with everyone, but it's not hard to be friendly and genuinely smile at people . That's how I understood it 😊

[@pujanprajapati3900]

It really works. I had no intention to watch this whole video yet i watched it.

[@Wanj000]

I’ve never been so engrossed and sat through a YT video for 2.5 hours! I love this topic, I love the speaker, I love the conversation. This reinforces my choice of taking up behavioral sciences/ Psychology back in university. Though I am currently in management/ corporate world, knee deep in numbers and figures, but behavioral sciences just hit really different. A lot of helpful and very practical tips in this video that I am excited to apply in real life.

[@johannaschmidt3860]

This is one of the best interviews ever on DOAC... ❤ Thank you so much 🎉

[@everybot-it]

I LOLd a bunch of times at your reactions. You're actually extremely funny in this one. The moments she appears more at ease and natural are when she's amused by your reactions. A binary system between her not applying any of that stuff and the individual moments of amusement and also her genuine excitement about her research would work better (for me). Superb, interesting guest!

[@hannakhairunnisa3789]

This whole conversation is just too interesting, I even didn't realize watching for almost 3 hours straight. Thank you so much Vanessa and Steven for sharing this with us❤

[@Napoleon-s8x]

Oh gosh, why is this free? This is one of the best videos that I've ever seen.

[@prettypractical3372]

Advertisers paid; it’s free for viewers.

[@NaionProductions]

@@prettypractical3372 WE are the product

[@island661]

🙄🙄🙄🙄 Go pay someone then if it makes you feel better.

[@marisameans9859]

So much valuable info is blocked to the masses because they have to pay for it...yes I want folks to make a living but information to make ones life better should not blocked by pay walls. Think how much better the world would be. I and millions of others don't have discretionary funds to spend on things that might/might not improve our lives...every purchase is 50/50. Can throw money away on those odds.

[@ReelRejects]

Crazy how he's become this successful without thinking he's got a good smile

[@inlakesch]

He didn't want to pretend. But for most people, to have a good smile you need to have nice teeth.

[@JoshMulhall]

is psychopathic this is not a surprise at all, just because he says he doesnt believe he has a good smile doesnt mean it is, he could be smiling for eternity in front of a mirror when he is not recording, it could be prerecorded and you could have prewatched it before the video was even recorded

[@xlkelitesgaming767]

voice and mood vibe

[@LeahDurham-80]

Hands down the best interview I’ve ever watching, never been so captivated by 2 people having a conversation!

[@rcjacksonbrighton]

I would like to add something that may be helpful... When you genuinely have love and compassion for other humans and feel grateful for your life, each moment and learn to be present in your life, you simply can't help but feel love and care for others and feel genuinely interested in who they are and what they have to say, you don't have to test people to see if they are the kind of friend you want... this just sounds fear based. Maybe just kindness and love is the way forward. Be warm in your heart and most of what she is saying comes naturally. People will literally feel you are GENUINELY warm and the rest just follows. Without fear/anxiety and with calmness and presence naturally comes a sense of competence also :) xx

[@josammonsdamnatodolls3366]

I just don’t know how I would ever convince myself to like people after being around them for the past 50 years

[@Eyob.H]

The most interesting, fun and joyful episode I have seen in a while and unfortunately I do a lot. Thanks for opening up and all things we got a chance to learn and enjoy from you Steven. Everyone feels more HUMAN than ever, love every thought and ideas discussed. Looking forward for more.

[@digitechmedia82]

This lady is the next level. I've got chills, too much and powerful information, knowledge. Gret job guys! Wow. She is a MASTER!

[@lynnesookdawar3979]

I watched this (well half). Pretty basic stuff that most of us do instinctively. I work in cross cultural communication and a lot of this is very US based. The codes in many other cultures are far different. Just keep on being you Steven, your authentic self is key

[@BeeRejuvenatedStudio]

It’s incredible how connected we really are, so unaware consciously of it, yet subconsciously have total awareness of the body language and body cues we give people. Particularly are the hand gestures. It’s fascinating how the Italian culture especially uses hand gestures as a natural part of communication. Also interesting was as I’m listening, I’m saying “who does Vanessa sound so familiar like?” Then you mention one of your close friends to be Cody Sanchez.

[@pickles9440]

People exhaust me. They’re always talking, needy, evasive. My brain hurts when i spend the day around people.

[@Mecagothits]

You need to train that

[@izzie2070]

mabye its the ppl ur around and not you

[@stilianifakidaraki3724]

That’s alright, if you’re happy the way you do it, keep doing you

[@niknik7470]

People don't exhaust you, you exhaust yourself. You don't hate other people. You hate yourself. It's not up to other people to live up to your expectations.

[@pickles9440]

@@niknik7470 whoa nelly, pushed a button there did I?