AITA For Not Staying with My Wife During Her C-section OR Humiliating My Friend For Outing Me

[@Monstybae]

lottery story: bro miss ma’am isn’t even obligated to share this money with her husband, so he’s 100% overstepping by asking to split three ways. if anything they should split half and half and he split his half with his lil flashy friend.

[@nataliamartin6411]

100% husband is sleeping with Tim. That's weird.

[@alicethemadrabbit1842]

​@@nataliamartin6411That was my first thought lmao.

[@alicethemadrabbit1842]

Right, like why do I have to give hime anything? You can give him half of your money

[@lucycarlisle9120]

Depends on whether they combined income prior to ger winning the lottery. If she bought tix with joint money, husband is entitled to winnings. If they have split finances, she doesn't have to share it with anybody.

[@Queen-Blue]

EXACTLY!!! SHE won!!! What in THEE entire HELL?!?!?

[@Lexifer54]

Story 1: the parents weren’t doing their jobs and were mad the other party goers didn’t pick up the slack. They should have told their kids to stop not only running by the pool but pushing unsuspecting people in. They could have injured someone. 10/10 OP is not the asshole.

[@samanthaf4851]

I think he’s cheating WITH the best friend.

[@xelectrix]

There was an update, and apparently, the kids can swim. The parents just said they couldn't to make OP feel bad and look like a jerk.

[@catT5236]

Story 2: I understand the wife postpartum is having a hard time with her emotions, but I genuinely feel she & the MIL are being really unfair. He's literally in therapy for this, he clearly has PTSD related to the incident with his first wife. He can't just switch that off because it's now inconvenient for his current wife. He warned her this would be an issue multiple times, it's really unfair for her to expect him to magically get over his trauma. It's why her mother was even there to begin with, so that she had support still.

[@comfortlevelpodcast]

Totally understand and agree with all of this ❤️

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

Yes, exactly! You can’t just turn off a phobia or trauma response. He told her again and again that he wouldn’t be able to go into the OR and made sure she would have someone with her (the mom) to give her support.

[@bxbydrxgxn]

I partially agree except from what he wrote it seemed she didn't want him to be in the room for the actual surgery but she just wanted a minute just them before the procedure and he couldn't do that... he shouldn't have had kids anymore if is incapable of supporting his partner through it. However she also shouldn't have said she was okay with it. The MIL pisses me off completely tho she's just a pos for literally no reason. Guessing she just doesn't like the OP. Everyone sucks imo because I don't think they should have had kids together if they weren't emotionally ready to deal with supporting each other.

[@tiffaniecampbell9310]

⁠I agree with all but saying everyone is the AH. The wife isn’t. She respected his boundaries on not wanting to be in the OR. But she wanted them to have a special moment before she went to the OR and he declined. Before a CSection, they take you to a holding area and they go over the risks 1 more time. Those risks are anywhere from irritation all the way to death. Being alone with a bitter hateful mother during that moment was probably awful for her. You just know her mother complained about her husband through the entire thing and the one thing he could have done to alleviate it, he declined. The mother and the husband ruined what should have been a special moment for them as a family.

[@zharawillywonka4438]

Sometimes when your partner is facing literal death, you need to step up and face your fears. I think op is a terrible husband. And father. He already missed the birth and chose not to be there for his family when another women out there already has experienced his support

[@gigga143]

S3: NTA and girl please get a lawyer asap. Your husband is trying to give his boyfriend a windfall at your expense.Tell your husband the two of you can split it 50/50, get a lawyer for that, and then he can give some of his portion to his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s wife.

[@a.a131]

Nana HE TRYING TO ROB HER OF 2/3 OF THE MONEY, his part and the friends part lmao

[@mignalyortiz4589]

Right! Bc I was like no just give him some money, don't cut him in for a third.

[@IzzyCoventina]

Story 2: I & my sister were both C-sections but mine was unplanned. After going through 8 hours of labor my mom was rushed to the operating room. My 6ft3 Harley tow truck dad was there in the operating room but straight up fainted; not by the blood as he's dealt with it but the stress & paranoia due to an old friend's death. They did revive him for cutting the cord but then escorted him out to do skin to skin with me. For my sister (as hers was planned) mom & dad both agreed not to have him in the room as it was yes traumatizing for both sides. They wanted it to be as seamless as possible. My grandma went in with her & tried complaining about my dad not going in but my mom shut her up.

[@candiedolives5340]

I don't think the husband in the post is necessarily an asshole but he had already been through this & this was her first time...saying she was fine with him not being there months before she's due is very different compared to being in the moment of labor.

[@kellharris2491]

Why are men such babies when it really counts?

[@woojincubelovewonhoandwooj8209]

@@kellharris2491it's fucking trauma, it isn't something that we can chose

[@IzzyCoventina]

@@kellharris2491 I don't blame my dad or other dad's who can't be there. If it was for ANY other surgery, would he still be classified as a baby in your eyes? No because then you realize that it doesn't matter what the surgery is about. It's trauma & even then not everyone can handle blood, needles etc which can ALSO stem from trauma. Is it better that they are up & alert outside the delivery room or taking up the surgeon team's time & energy after they've fainted?

[@IzzyCoventina]

@@candiedolives5340 & that's very understandable however again he did make his point back then & is still sticking to it for a VERY understandable reason. If he were to faint in the surgery room, it takes time & resources from the surgery team themselves to handle him when all focus should be on the pregnant mother correct? That's what he's trying to avoid at all costs. Yes she's perfectly valid of course for feeling differently however she shouldn't be holding that over him days or even weeks after the birth. That's unfair to both of them.

[@michaela0elisej667]

If you were told before pregnancy that your partner cannot go into an OR and they are actively in therapy dealing with trauma from their past. You CANNOT then decide you want him in the OR and you don't care that he set that boundary.

[@delilahdrummond4076]

Yeah it felt like she almost tried to trap him with that too. Because without a child there it’s easy to walk away like yeah that’s an obvious no and I can’t pressure you. But now that you’re in labor there’s so much pressure and this person is now tied to you for life with that child. It’s so messed up that she said it was fine until it was the last minute and he would’ve felt pressured

[@kellharris2491]

Getting a C section wasn't a 'trick' it was a safer option for her and her baby. People opt for a c section when the doctors think it will likely turn into an emergency c section anyway. (A lot of women are too small in the hips for the babies head. Before medical intervention both baby and mother likely would have died during pregnancy. Or they would break the babies skull to pull the baby out, killing the baby to save the Mom😔) Most likely in choosing a c section she avoided having the same complication as his first wife with the babies head becoming stuck. The baby almost suffocating, and the wife almost hemorrhaging out. And then having to rush them to an OR. Would he have prefered to really relieve the experience I wonder? I think she lost trust and respect in him more than that she is angry. And that is harder to recover. She can't help that any more then he can help his fears. are all acting like he was the one facing the most pressure. No this is her first child. Yeah she knew he had trauma. It's one thing to be okay with him not being there months before the event, but in that moment before her procedure she was scared and reached for him. He felt his fear was worse then the woman about to go under a knife. I am sorry but he is a coward. In that moment he was a coward. If he was a real man and a loving partner he would have been brave. Bravery is not the absence of fear. Bravery and real love is to put yourself second when it counts for the greater good and the right thing. She just lost respect for him as a man. I don't know if they can recover from this.

[@nicolebesser3548]

​@@kellharris2491It was elective in her case many months ahead of time.

[@maskyroseproxy1065]

@@kellharris2491 I guess I understand the idea of it being more scary to her, having her first child, than him with his trauma that he actively has to go to therapy to deal with, but would you rather your partner push through something like this and cause complications to the operation? Or would you rather they stay as near as possible without causing you both some kind of extra risk?

[@lucycarlisle9120]

​@@maskyroseproxy1065If he is that hobbled by his fear, he should never have committed to having more children. She did not know what she was signing up for, but he did. He literally tried to pressure & manipulate her into absolving him of his responsibility to her & their child. He's a terrible husband AND father.

[@wellofhavoc]

How do you have a 7 year old that can't swim at a family pool party?

[@delilahdrummond4076]

How as a parent are you getting DRUNK when you have a 7 year old who can’t swim at a pool party? I’d want to stay sober to make sure they’re being properly watched

[@m0derately.g0th]

i saw an update on that story that said the kids come over to grandparent’s house all the time and swim in the pool, the cant swim thing was a drunken lie to make OP look worse

[@wellofhavoc]

@@m0derately.g0th Wooooow as if them not being able to swim made the fact that the adults ACTUALLY responsible for them weren't paying attention to them... at a pool party??? Yeah not exactly the most thought swaying piece of "information"

[@Queen-Blue]

#5. NTA!!! You ARE NOT obligated to give your hard-earned money to ANYONE!!! I don't care WHO it is...They are able-bodied adults and they are not your responsibility! Your finances ARE NOT their business and you don't owe them ANY explanations!🙅🏾‍♀️🙅🏾‍♀️🙅🏾‍♀️

[@indecisive_arthoe]

Story 1: I feel like both parents drinking and the kids being rude and pushing people into the pool says a lot about those parents

[@laurenhawes7201]

Running around with parents iPhone too, these parents don't gaf until something happens to them.

[@Silent-Doodle00]

The story keeps going. It gets crazy. The OP in story one is the only one without kids. He ends up in charge of the parents beach house. Catches his sisters and their husbands abusing the home. It gets intense and the guy basically hired security and cameras. The husbands break into the home(wasn’t theirs and they were banned from the property). The OP ends up having to sue the sisters and their partners and charging the husbands. One of the husbands has a security clearance, and agrees to pay for the damages. I think the other one gets charged and sued.

[@k3ls3yyk3ls]

2nd story: I can’t get past the fact that she knew ahead of time that he didn’t want to be there for a c-section and she chose to have one anyway, knowing he couldn’t handle being in the OR. That’s not fair of her to act like she didn’t know what was going on and then let her mom bash him on socials

[@lvhs440]

it’s kinda lame to set that type of impossible boundary in a relationship in the first place. honestly how can he conscientiously express that he feels right in putting the trauma that he experienced in his last relationship on his new one? If you can make a baby you can be there for the ups and downs with your partner otherwise you are too immature to be in that type of relationship. I’ll agree she knew but who sets that kind of “boundary.” not going into the OR with your wife and unborn baby when she in her moment of need expressed that she needed you? regardless of the previous conversations why would you not see the impact? if you were so moved to trauma the last time you should know how important it is to be there. in reality he’s just opting out of one of the if not the most important ways you can be there for your child and partner. Do you love her or not bro?

[@nataliamartin6411]

If it was a boundary that was created before they even got pregnant, that's fine. If I had the choice, I would choose to not do elective c-section or even get pregnant if I knew he wouldn't be there for me.

[@iulia.bianca.b]

​@@nataliamartin6411 They discussed this before even trying for that baby. He told her about his trauma and she still chose the C-section. She's out of her mind, he's right.

[@kellharris2491]

@@iulia.bianca.b You act like a c section is a 'choice' and not a medical necessity. Yes she 'chose' to have a c section because that was better for her body and her baby. He is pussy. She is the one doing all the work and yet he is the one running scared? This is not a man who can go to war for his family. Pussy. Ow wait women are the strong ones. He is just a dick.

[@kellharris2491]

@@nataliamartin6411 I wouldn't have had a child with this man.

[@jroneida]

Story 3: you don’t want to put millions in the bank, only $250K is insured. If you start spending a lot, people will notice. I agree that the husband is sus, I think he’s cheating and wants to con his wife out of more of her lotto winnings by giving some to Tim, who’d then give some back after the divorce.

[@NickM_FirstofHisName]

The husband and his best friends are more than friends, if you know what i mean

[@isabellathegrate8603]

Story two: I understand the wives perspective and feelings, but that doesn’t give her the right to undermined her husband’s trauma that she knows is so bad that he has to go to therapy for it. Again I know that in the moment she really wanted her husband there by her side because that can be really scary, but she knows why he wasn’t there, she knows his boundaries and his limitations. So I feel it’s really unfair to hold that against him.

[@kellharris2491]

It's not that the wife is angry. She is disappointed. That's worse. She understands, but she thinks less of him. She trusts him less. She respects him less. Probable loves him less. She can't help that any more then he can help his fear. She is coming to terms with the fact that she has to be the strong one for herself and her baby because when it really counts he will choose himself. That sounds mean but it's true. Is he thinking about how his wife is feeling now? Is he asking for forgiveness for not being able to be there when she needed him most? Is he handling all the care for the baby himself while she recovers with the big cut across her abdomen? No he is on reddit looking for justification. He is still only focused on himself...

[@Nicole-yf4hk]

@@kellharris2491L take. He’s still dealing with past trauma and it’s valid for him to not feel comfortable. The wife knew from the beginning. He set boundaries and she’s upset now

[@lucycarlisle9120]

​@@kellharris2491 THIS! I feel like these days you can just claim "trauma" like it's a pass to do whatever you want. What if things had gone south & she died knowing he crapped out on her? What if tge ildest kid has a near-death experience in a swimming pool? Are all of the subsequent kids no longer allowed to swim, ir is dad just going to sit out all water activities for the rest of their lives? If it was so traumatic, why didn't he just get a vasectomy? When you sign up for parenting, what you're really doing is volunteering to prioritize yourself last.

[@fredericksaxton9782]

Okay but then people can't hold it against the wife for bring disappointed. Remember, pregnancy lasts 9 fucking months, filled with changing and hightened emotion. You can "understand" something, but it finally comes around, realize how fucked up that is. I get trauma, but that's really scary for her too. She's the one on the table, she's the one who carried a baby 9 months and is being cut open. Plus, if she *DID* die that'd even be more fucked up. This is why there's stigma in dating people with "baggage", because for real, many will let you down in the most important moments. Not saying I "blame" him, but you bet your ass I wouldn't trust him with my life.

[@Summer-cu7do]

@@kellharris2491I think what you said speaks volumes. Her husband was open with her about something he CAN’T do, and she went ahead and CHOSE to have her baby that way, knowing his limit, and pretended to be ok with it until the last minute when she then “tested his love.” Watching someone cut into the flesh of your most beloved person is NOT a natural thing or something that everyone is designed to be able to handle. Men are wired to PROTECT their women from being cut into, and it goes against their nature completely to just let that happen. It has nothing to do with strength. If what mattered to her most was him being there, she could have opted for vaginal birth.

[@alyzu4755]

Story 2: I can see both sides. And, yeah, the MIL was COMPLETELY out of line. OP and his wife need to talk about this, without MIL's interference.

[@AnnaEledge]

The MIL was trying to be there for her daughter when her daughter’s husband made it clear that his trauma would prevent him from doing so. Like the wife, she is coming to terms with his inability to support her at that moment. While he’s not an AH for expressing and enforcing his boundary, it’s completely understandable that his MIL is disappointed in him for her daughter’s sake. The husband can’t see that because he’s more concerned about the fallout of his boundary and it’s impact on HIM rather than what his wife is experiencing after giving birth

[@aimee657]

My husband has trauma from our first miscarriage and then we HAD to have 2 c-sections for our kids. My second wasn’t breathing and they had to save him and then he spent a short time in the NICU. If we have another my husband is going to be stressed and like I did with my second live birth, I talked to the midwives, doula and doctors about my husband’s feelings and our trauma history together because we are a team. If my husband ever says that he can’t handle the emotions of anymore pregnancies, it will obviously be an in depth conversation, but I would put my dreams aside for him. I can’t imagine forcing my husband in a situation like this. I understand her choosing what’s best for her being sad and also wanting her husband be there but she knew the situation and should have respected him.

[@meghanwanderlust]

If any kid is by a pool and can't swim they need a life jacket. Also as a parent you shouldn't be getting drunk and expecting others to parent your children

[@quinnbryant-nanz7761]

Story Two: I had a c-section and my pregnancy was really hard. My daughter almost died inside of me so I needed a c-section. I was absolutely terrified, I was crying the enter time during my surgery befor i passed out. My mom was with me and I had really good doctors and nurses. But for a long time after I give birth, I couldn't talk about my delivery without crying or having a panick attack, I had nightmares of it. It was such a hard time in my life. I feel for this mamma and hope she is doing ok.

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

This is a pretty different situation though, this woman planned a c-section because she wanted one not because it was medically needed.

[@quinnbryant-nanz7761]

​@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse That is very true. I completely understand where he is coming from and don't think he did anything wrong. I can just empathize with her wanting him and being upset.

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

@@quinnbryant-nanz7761 yeah I agree, I think if they had approached this as more of a team it could have gone mush smoother. Maybe he could have been on the phone or Zoom with her? It’s tough seeing both people in this story hurt when neither of them really did anything wrong.

[@kellharris2491]

@@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse It's a medical decision. She spoke to her doctor and decided that this was safer for her and her baby. It is in fact safer. People opt for a c section when the doctors think it will turn into an emergency c section anyway. (A lot of women are too small in the hips for the babies head. Before medical intervention both baby and mother likely would have died during pregnancy. Or they would break the babies skull to pull the baby out, killing the baby to save the Mom😔) Most likely in choosing a c section she avoided having the same complication as his first wife with the babies head becoming stuck. The baby almost suffocating, and the wife almost hemorrhaging out. And then having to rush them to an OR. Would he have prefered to really relieve the experience I wonder? I think she lost trust and respect in him more than that she is angry. And that is harder to recover. She can't help that any more then he can help his fears. has to do what's best for her and her baby. Her husbands fear's have to be the third consideration. It is traumatic. But trauma can be overcome. She was the one going under the knife not him. But he put himself first. He lacks moral courage.

[@summerharuka]

My two cents for story 2 :D So I didn't have a c-section, but a normal birth, but I still understand the wife's desire for her husband to be there with her. Going through childbirth alone must be horrible. The thing is, she didn't have to, right? He told her beforehand multiple times (and I think his reasoning is really solid. I was expecting sth like "Ugh, it's kinda icky so I just don't wanna, boohoo" but that was not what it was at all), so she brought her mom to be with her in his stead. And as long as your mum is someone you also trust and like to be around, who gives you comfort, I think you're fine. I've had my mom with me during the birth and she was maybe even more helpful than any husband could have been xD Especially the one in the story (not to blame him, of course). So yeah, I can see that maybe she's a little bummed about him not being able to go in there with her, but it's not like she was on her own. She had time to prepare and she chose to do a c-section for herself, knowing his boundary. I know, postpartum can be really difficult and I can only hope she will get through it and later be cool about it.

[@mettelindegardnielsen9411]

Also sounded like the husband was making sure his wife was okay with this boundary before them even trying to have a baby. So sound like he would have chosen to not have children, if this was gonna be a problem for the wife.

[@kellharris2491]

Yeah she knew he had trauma. It's one thing to be okay with him not being there months before the event, but in that moment before her procedure she was scared and reached for him. He felt his fear was worse then the woman about to go under a knife. I am sorry but he is a coward. In that moment he was a coward. If he was a real man and a loving partner he would have been brave. Bravery is not the absence of fear. Bravery and real love is to put yourself second when it counts for the greater good and the right thing. She just lost respect for him as a man. I don't know if they can recover from this.

[@ma.2089]

@@kellharris2491 this. He’s justified in his response but justified doesn’t mean the consequences of your actions are gone. I’m just amazed he went through it again when he knows he’s been traumatized. ex nearly died and all that mattered was how he felt, not what the woman went through. You’re responsible for your trauma. Avoid triggers, don’t blame other people for it. People want to justify his trauma response so bad that they accuse her of going through a C section intentionally to push his boundaries. Just wow.

[@Elliott-Kaye]

The c section one is not that complicated in my opinion. Trauma is very real and serious. He set that boundary for his own health and clearly has ptsd. She made the choice to have a c section that wasn't medically necessary despite being aware of that. She is the problem by far

[@kellharris2491]

Getting a C section wasn't a 'trick' it was a safer option for her and her baby. You are all acting like he was the one facing the most pressure. No this is her first child. Yeah she knew he had trauma. It's one thing to be okay with him not being there months before the event, but in that moment before her procedure she was scared and reached for him. He felt his fear was worse then the woman about to go under a knife. I am sorry but he is a coward. In that moment he was a coward. If he was a real man and a loving partner he would have been brave. Bravery is not the absence of fear. Bravery and real love is to put yourself second when it counts for the greater good and the right thing. She just lost respect for him as a man. I don't know if they can recover from this.

[@charlottedobson1638]

“She made the choice to have a c section” your judgment is disgusting. She didn’t want a 7 pound bowling ball coming out of her vagina.

[@HydraVenus]

​@@kellharris2491she chose to have a c section! sure it may have been a safer option, but she was aware that c sections are traumatic. you refuse to acknowledge the trauma that c sections clearly have on the husband!! sure childbirth is traumatic, of course it is! but the fact that the husband couldn't show up wasn't necessarily because he was a coward, it's because him being in that room would have done much more harm than good. if in response to his PTSD he passed out, got injured in some way, or whatever, that wouldn't be good for anyone in the room. of course the wife can be upset that he was unable to be with her during something like this, but to call him an asshole for "trapping her" in a relationship that she was already emotionally invested into? he was invested too! he still is! he has a new kid, and wants their relationship to work out! if she wasn't okay with him being unable to show up for her in her time of need, knowing much prior to her even becoming pregnant, then she should have broken things off, no matter how painful. i don't think she's an asshole, but i think there are too many factors involved to call him an asshole

[@ma.2089]

Then why does he have to allow her to be traumatized by it? If he has a trauma response, it is HIS responsibility to avoid triggering it. He shouldn’t have had a kid.

[@clarissathompson0103]

@@kellharris2491I don't think he was a coward, the second wife didn't need the c-section, first wife did. Even if she did need a c-section, it's not new that some people cannot handle that kind of environment. My fiance almost passed out from me getting an epidural with our first child. I know with the second baby he's walking out of the room until it's done and it'll be just me and my mom instead of letting him watch a giant needle go into my back

[@claudias5564]

I personally lie to my family about how much I get paid all the time. I used to give certain members of my family money years ago, but I don’t think it did me or them any good. This morning, I booked plane tickets to visit a family member. She called me asking how I was paying for it, and I told her I was so broke I had to use my only credit card. This ridiculous excuse was believable because she she would do something that irresponsible - booking a trip when you’re broke. Every once in a while, I have to give her money when there is an emergency - like she’s about to get evicted. Or if she gets one of her kids to call me when they’re hungry. Once she did that, and I found out they used the money to go to the movies. I will happily continue to lie, since the last time I told her, truthfully, I just didn’t want to give her money, she refused to speak to me for two weeks.

[@AlexisMitchell87]

Story 3:😂What the actual F* is wrong with her husband? That is super sketchy. She better keep both eyes on that husband👀. He can split his portion with the(to close for comfort) friend.

[@addybaby7510]

Like are they going to run off together or some shit. He was being so weird

[@AlexisMitchell87]

@@addybaby7510 sounds like secret lovers or hush money to me.

[@that.ll_do_pig]

The support person does not see the abdomen being cut open or anything like that. There is a drape that prevents the mother and anybody else by her head from seeing the surgery performed. You definitely hear a lot of squishing and can smell blood and if any cautery is being used, you'll smell the burning.

[@SammySueSOUNDTRACK]

Story 2: Look I’ve got two kids (one on the way) and yes having the father there is super important to me. That being said, I would never intentionally choose a c-section knowing my partner couldn’t handle the OR. If he was just not being supportive I would understand, but he was honest about the trauma and PTSD and she CHOSE to have a c-section. That’s on her. Now if it were an emergency c-section I don’t know I could see her side a little more.

[@spoopycentral3305]

c section story: I'd say he's not Because he made it very clear, even before she got pregnant, that he would not go into the operating room if she was to have a c section. Trauma can affect people diffrent ways and she chose to have a c setion knowing he would not go in. Besides when he told her this she AGREED. He even reminded her half way thru, and she said that she understood. that's why her mother was there, and all she did was cause more drama then nesasary. so no I don't think he was being the a-hole

[@kellharris2491]

People opt for a c section when the doctors think it will turn into an emergency c section anyway. (A lot of women are too small in the hips for the babies head. Before medical intervention both baby and mother likely would have died during pregnancy. Or they would break the babies skull to pull the baby out, killing the baby to save the Mom😔) Most likely in choosing a c section she avoided having the same complication as his first wife with the babies head becoming stuck. The baby almost suffocating, and the wife almost hemorrhaging out. And then having to rush them to an OR. Would he have prefered to really relieve the experience I wonder? I think she lost trust and respect in him more than that she is angry. And that is harder to recover. She can't help that any more then he can help his fears.

[@ChristineGutterson]

I'm 8 years from a c-section. I remember it well. Anyone would have been fine. My husband, my sister, my mom.... I would have respected my husband's feelings. Hormones 100% is making her upset, and the lack of communication is hurting them.

[@ElbaInChaos]

2nd story: I was actually in the OR with my friend for her C-section because we knew her hubby wasn't going to be able to tolerate it, he would have puked and/or passed out. So I was the DH, because I was neutral (neither of their siblings) and worked in healthcare so I could explain things and keep her calm. Her husband has a negative physiological response to hospitals like OP. So I understand his side, they knew this. NTA, MIL is

[@Revy575]

Story 2: He put a HARD boundary about the C-section issue. He explained, IN DETAIL to her why he couldn’t do it! I’m a woman myself, no kids, but i could see how scary that would be. But, the MIL was there! The MIL needs to shut her fckn mouth about shyt she knows nothing about!

[@bradiedean7466]

Oof on the c section one I'm on his side. You can't just choose to not have a panic response when engaging with a phobia and he said that even just being in an operation room can trigger it, so it could be so much worse during an actual surgery. My dad isn't particularly squeamish and didn't have any medical trauma when we were born, and he still almost passed out during my mom's c-section. The nurse told him to sit down before he fell down bc if he passed out they were gonna leave him on the floor till they were done. I imagine it could have gone even worse for OP if he'd stayed. And can you imagine how upset the nurses and doctors would be if he puked in a sterile operating room

[@eliosalas8097]

i’m 9 months pregnant and personally if my partner had told me that he had trauma/ptsd from his first wife almost dying from her c section n it’s still something that he’s dealing with in therapy, i don’t even think i could CHOOSE to do a c section because obviously i’d want him in there and also because i’m sure even just having one would be some what triggering to him. it was her choice to have a c section n when she made that choice she knew how her husband would feel. 100% nta

[@kellharris2491]

Getting a C section wasn't a 'trick' it was a safer option for her and her baby. People opt for a c section when the doctors think it will turn into an emergency c section anyway. (A lot of women are too small in the hips for the babies head. Before medical intervention both baby and mother likely would have died during pregnancy. Or they would break the babies skull to pull the baby out, killing the baby to save the Mom😔) Most likely in choosing a c section she avoided having the same complication as his first wife with the babies head becoming stuck. The baby almost suffocating, and the wife almost hemorrhaging out. And then having to rush them to an OR. Would he have prefered to really relieve the experience I wonder? I think she lost trust and respect in him more than that she is angry. And that is harder to recover. She can't help that any more then he can help his fears. You are all acting like he was the one facing the most pressure. No this is her first child. Yeah she knew he had trauma. It's one thing to be okay with him not being there months before the event, but in that moment before her procedure she was scared and reached for him. He felt his fear was worse then the woman about to go under a knife. I am sorry but he is a coward. In that moment he was a coward. If he was a real man and a loving partner he would have been brave. Bravery is not the absence of fear. Bravery and real love is to put yourself second when it counts for the greater good and the right thing. She just lost respect for him as a man. I don't know if they can recover from this.

[@zoescott779]

Yea, it's not as simple as just saying you wouldn't get a csection because he has trauma around it. Medical priority here. The person getting SEVEN LAYERS of tissue cut through to safely birth a child is significantly more scary and traumatic for the person on the table. As someone who actually HAD to get an elective csection or risk both mine and my child's life. My partner has death anxiety, we discussed it before hand, he was terrified, but I was getting a whole ass spinal tap and getting opened up. The person on the table in that moment is the important one. I have lots of trauma around certain things, but if there is someone who is a higher priority in that moment, that NEEDS you, you don't abandon them and expect to be forgiven after, even if you think it makes sense. He was scared, but SHE could have died because she was the one actually going through it, not him, not his body being ripped open while fully conscious for it.

[@Whateverweather]

@@zoescott779thank you !!! I don’t get how everyone one was coddling this man child ! They all act like c-section is easy or that she maliciously choose the c-section. She probably didn’t have a choice.

[@zoescott779]

@@Whateverweather well exactly. It's honestly pretty rare for ppl to go into birth wanting a csection from the jump unless they are already aware of a medical issue, or they are scared of natural birth, but those are much less than one would assume. No one WANTS an incredibly invasive surgery that at minimum takes two months to heal from, along with all the usual after birth and new born stuff to deal with. Heck I was bedridden for those two months after except to move enough to heal properly.

[@mcnoodles3010]

@@zoescott779she had a choice and no pre-existing health conditions were mentioned that would necessitate this. Realistically if his trauma is that bad enough, he would not be of any use to this already scared woman in the delivery room. Him fainting or having a heart attack would just add onto the trauma of the wife.

[@VioletFoxisms]

Lottery money- hell no. Lawyer up and keep it to yourself. Give a small sum as a gift later. She’s not responsible for Tim. His ugly side could come out and he could try to get it all.

[@Juupitrr]

story 2: reading other comments and perspectives, it really just sounds like it was doomed to be traumatic for both parties. Husband has ptsd, discloses this and very explicitly says "I cannot go in if you have C-Section or things will go WRONG" and it is OUT OF HIS CONTROL. He is in therapy for it aswell. Wife accepts this. Then they start going for baby. They are BOTH AWARE of the c-section issue. If this was an option she was seriously considering before getting pregnant, then it's her responsibility to plan accordingly or leave now while she can and find someone WITHOUT THIS RISK. Then she gets pregnant, and /decides/ to have a c-section, non emergency, willingly. we don't know why she chose this, the reasons behind it, but from what OP says it sounds like she just wanted to have one -- here's a tricky bit; A lot of men on reddit can withhold super important information that reveals them to be the asshole, and in general it's always good to read carefully as these are always one side. but from what info we have, it doesnt seem like she really *needed* a c-section? she just wanted one? which is totally fine, but she chose to have one /knowing/ her partner can't handle it, and then didn't tell the MIL about it? so it was either: wife is considering c-section, husband can't support her fully through it, so best to leave while you can and find someone who can, or choose c-section, husband can't support her fully through it, someone else has to take the spot in very emotional and stressful time, feelings hurt. lose-lose. if a c-section was always an option WAY before she was even pregnant, then she should've left imo, and if it WASN'T then that means she chose to have one knowing he can't support her properly (from outsider understanding)

[@kellharris2491]

The decision to have a c section is not an easy one. You talk to the doctor and they examine the pregnancy and the Mother. It is very rare for a first time mother to 'opt' for a c section out of desire. Because in many cases vaginal birth becomes super risky after. In almost all cases it's because it's medically safer for her and the baby. Often it's because the doctors think it will turn into an emergency c section anyway. (A lot of women are too small in the hips for the babies head. Before medical intervention both baby and mother likely would have died during pregnancy. Or they would break the babies skull to pull the baby out, killing the baby to save the Mom😔) Most likely in choosing a c section she avoided having the same complication as his first wife with the babies head becoming stuck. The baby almost suffocating, and the wife almost hemorrhaging out. And then having to rush them to an OR. My sister experienced the same thing. A c section was always possible with any pregnancy. Women often still die in child birth despite all medical intervention. They where both naive. She in thinking she wouldn't be scared and need him when the time came. And him thinking his wife would still feel the same about him if he declined to be there while she was risking her life for whatever reason. I as a woman wouldn't have a baby with this man. Regardless of gender equality women still look to their husbands to protect them when they are scared. He was scared too. But she was risking her life for herself, the baby and him. He choose not to even try to overcome his fears. I think even if he went in and fainted she would still respect the effort...He didn't try. He said nope.

[@miridroge6043]

@@kellharris2491 I most likely don't know as much about birth and c-sections as you do, but I do have experience with mental health problems. He isn't "not trying to overcome his fears", he is actively in therapy, with the probable goal to lessen his ptsd considerably. That can take years, therapy isn't one and done. Of course in hindsight the better option would have been not to have a child together at all/until he felt ready to support her in the room, but that's 20/20

[@J-en9ku]

As a 2 time C-section mom, I can't fathom CHOOSING a C-section. I was so ready to declare him an A, but he gave her clear warning and her C-section was unwarranted.

[@bl4581]

I’m sorry but if you’re a parent and both of you are getting that trashed at a pool party knowing you have kids that can’t swim… you are being negligent.

[@xmoonxbabyx3483]

If my husband didn’t want to be by my side didn’t want to be there next to me bc of trauma I would understand but I would be disappointed. Bc if I die on the operating table I want to be next to my husband and baby when I go. Not my mother, it would definitely make me feel like he can’t be there for me. And this would cause a large drift on the relationship aside from postpartum. I am a mom and my fiancé couldn’t be there unfortunately. But if we have another kid I don’t care if you get uncomfortable from hospitals or operating rooms. I NEED you there for me and the baby. My daughter was immediately taken to the Nicu and I was on the operating table while my mom left with my baby. I was all alone not able to move at all. Going through that it would hurt so much to have to go through my partner not being there again

[@taishahw1696]

Exactly. Too much time was spent worrying about his trauma from watching his ex experience childbirth. I want to know how he can reconcile waiting outside while his current wife experiences the same trauma? Would having a doctor come out and tell him that his wife has died, actually feel better than being there to hold her hand and show her love while she died? SHE is the person whose life is at risk, he only has to provide support, and he can't even do that. He should get therapy to assist him in being a supportive husband and father, even when their trauma may effect him. He had 9 months to prepare with the help of professionals, but he decided to opt out of supporting his wife through childbirth instead 🤷‍♀️

[@QueenRoyale1]

If your husband has a boundary and you select to select the boundry. You're an ah. You choose that.

[@mettelindegardnielsen9411]

Considering that it sounds like he wasn't planing on having children with his wife if she, before getting pregnant, thought that she would find it to be a problem, that he couldn't be in the OR. So it is on the wife that she couldn't see, this was gonna be a problem for her. Sure it is fine if the wife then thinks she can't stay with him since she need a husband, who she can have kids with and that can stay by her side, when being in the OR.

[@kellharris2491]

This! People don't understand. Women want a Man. This is one of those tests of who you are in the dark. Bravery is not the absence of fear. Bravery and real love is to put yourself second when it counts for the greater good and the right thing. He couldn't and wouldn't do that. She just lost respect for him as a man. I don't know if they can recover from this.

[@thechamp18101]

Grandpa “good for them demons”” learn to swim assholes🤣🤣🤣”!!!!

[@emotionalcowboy]

I just wanted to let you guys know that I love the podcast and hope you don’t stop anytime soon. I found you recently and have just been going back to listen to all of them. your friendships and interactions are lovely

[@sandras7978]

The 3rd and 5th story. I honestly would lie and hide. I have a 7 years younger brother (M23), and if he needs money he will call our parents and me until we give in, and if we don't we have to explain why and what we use the money on. He gets around dobbelt the amount that my parents and I get. And this is all the time, he never pays it back. He only calls when he needs money, so now we don't pick up the phone, we are done. But now he tells everyone that will be listening that we are trash. We have been doing this for 3 years now. When he comes over, and we have gotten something new he flips out...

[@alpal7779]

The lottery is so dangerous. Large sums of money can fuxk people up. You need a lawyer to keep your name quiet and you pay taxes all over the place for that money.

[@Hutchie811]

This was a wonderful episode. Love the lay out and the speakers have a good relationship where they can bounce ideas and opinions off of each other!

[@xjustskye]

If I remember right, there was an update where we find out that the kids in fact can swim and the sister was lying to make OP look bad

[@amberg5865]

1st story, I'm cool with parents drinking around kids, AS LONG AS the kids are safe. My family would all get together and drink but the kids were a few feet away playing basketball or we were all capable swimmers and our parents were with us

[@cclolwhy]

Story 5: it’s ok to help family to a point. I agree that it would be better use to give them the tools and a place to live rent free to help them but not money.

[@Jay_In_The_Annex]

1st story: NTA. If babies can swim around in a womb for 9 months they can figure out swimming in a pool for within a few seconds.

[@Jay_In_The_Annex]

2nd story: NAH. Both people are valid. Generally my stance on birthing a child is both parties involved should be present if they’re on good terms with each other. However it’s extremely difficult to put aside your trauma for anyone especially when they’re putting themselves into your triggers on their own behalf and it’s not a necessity. If he’s literally gonna faint by being present it could botch the procedure. Since they planned on the mom being there for that very reason I feel like they’re being too cold towards OP in this instance. I get postpartum depression but MIL isn’t having that and she knew the reason why she was there at the hospital so there was nothing for her to bash OP about.

[@Jay_In_The_Annex]

Story 3: “Y’all” didn’t win the lottery. YOU won the lottery, planning how the money is to be put within your family is a discussion that’s nice to be had with your family but ultimately it’s your decision. Don’t let yourself get bullied into anything, putting money into a liability and business venture that you’re not keen on isn’t wise.

[@Jay_In_The_Annex]

Story 4: NTA. Stopping to someone’s level makes you mean but it doesn’t make you an asshole. If she’s sharing personal business while making a scene which embarrasses you and she stays dismissive then you’re more that justified in returning the energy. If people record when you start talking and her life gets ruined in the process then she just fucked around and found out cuz this is a clear cut action leads to a reaction situation.

[@Jay_In_The_Annex]

Story 5: NTA. You’re not responsible for your parent’s or sibling’s poor decisions. You didn’t choose to be born so your upbringing was owed to you! You owe nothing in return.

[@Jay_In_The_Annex]

Story 6: NTA. She can get up. She sounds like an annoying person.

[@tazzibear86]

2nd Story : my husband and i are trying to have a baby and I'm over 35 so I'll have to have a c-section. My husband is terrified to see me cut in to and I've told him he's not a doctor and i don't need him in there. Its pretty simple. I don't want him traumatized from our childs birth. I don't want to see it either so why would i force him

[@starlightangel1990]

She AGREED prior to birth. They communicated and the plan was set. Idc about hormones and blegh blegh. A decision was made. She can't be mad at the set decision made a year prior. Period. Don't use hormones as an excuse.

[@letizia2652]

Nice new format guys. Really like this screen partition

[@BigBoss-sh2jx]

I was involved in a c section with my ex girlfriend for our son. It was not fun. For both me and her. And the doctors were like “hey, want some photos of the baby coming out?” And I was just like “uh… sure?” It was also incredibly scary cause it was supposed to be a vaginal birth, but complications came and they pushed for a C section. That’s scary. I can see how the guy wasn’t down to go in

[@esmooth919]

12:59 If anybody is the asshole, it's the mother-in-law, for not only poisoning her daughter against her husband, but putting him on blast on social media. That was a bitch move. I get the feeling mother-in-law doesn't like husband to begin with. Other than that, NAH. Wife knew that husband was queasy, and if husband tried to stay with her, he would have either thrown up or passed out, in which case he definitely wouldn't be a help, so that was a no-win situation.

[@kellharris2491]

I don't think MIL turned her against her husband. He did that on his own. The social media though was bogus.

[@iria_stars1109]

In the second story, the OP is NTA. I could have hear it wrong but didn't OP said that if the wife is choosing the C section option, that he didn't want to be in the room due to his trauma. I don't think he had a problem if she were to get birth the usual way, and probably be okay if she had to get the C section to due medical issues. Like it was said by the group, the MIL is TA.

[@iria_stars1109]

Also for those comments saying that he shouldn't have children or that he should "man up" are cruel.

[@natalieraeann]

I want to be friends with the girl with the hearing aids. That’s comedy GOLD

[@casgallagher]

The ending was GLORIOUS CONTENT

[@maddie-iris]

what’s crazy to me about the pool one is that if your kids are 7 to 11 and your parents own a pool… why have you not taught them to swim? that’s absolutely an age where they should know how to swim, so why aren’t you spending your time teaching them a life saving skill instead of getting drunk

[@mignalyortiz4589]

The story about the family with the money. Holy crap he said his parents have had their house for 30 years and haven't paid ANYTHING for their principal. I wouldn't give them any money, sorry.

[@SheenaRM]

Okay….no one should be drinking THAT much with children around in the first place!!! So drunk that you can’t swim properly and to a point where you face plant while screaming at people? Gross!

[@angelsdoexist]

But she isn't having a baby by herself. She wasnt alone. They arranged for the mum to be there because they KNEW in advance he wasn't going to be there if she picked a C-section

[@jubs61]

Lottery story: the husband’s best friend is actually his affair.

[@shauniegirl5598]

Story 2: The MIL should have been more supportive. I totally get what the husband feels and all I would want is someone there with me. The wife knew what issues the husband had and still got upset. NTA. I’ve had 4 c-sections and I can say it’s always good to have someone to keep the woman calm during.

[@mischa8700]

story 2: it's completely inconsiderate of her to dismiss his trauma in favor of her needs. She knew his boundaries and probably waited until the very last second to try and force his hand, you can tell by the "cry face". Its what children do when they want something.

[@dezles6056]

If she can go through child birth that can kill her, he can face his fear. I’m sorry but it would make most women lose respect for him.

[@azeamonero9886]

“ I can’t enjoy our new life without my best friend” Lol then move in with them peasant haha

[@aliciarowland3322]

During the lottery story, the “website with a lot of fans” comment was so underrated 🤣🤣🤣

[@allisonnewman888]

Lmao I stepped aside and let other adults fish them out of the pool. I’m dead that’s this is the best story ever! I’m gonna listen again. Can’t stand misbehaved kids that parents don’t do anything about. NTA

[@sydneyparks8217]

Story 1: parents should not be drunk while their children are in the pool. I’m not even a parent, but I’ve been a witness to a child drowning and A) all children need to learn how to swim and B) you need to be so vigilant when children are near water even if they know how to swim.

[@deehill6719]

Story 2: It’s once again a story of people telling a man you aren’t allowed to have trauma as a man suck it up your a man why can’t you just push through it like everything else. If he went in there and 2 seconds in pasted out she would have been even more pissed its a loose loose situation and i get that there can be a lot of complications but at what point do we understand each other’s difficulties as a couple and respect them

[@m0derately.g0th]

pretending to be broke story: you guys hit it perfectly, theyre not the asshole for not giving their family money but they are the asshole for lying about why.

[@ashb2404]

Story 2: Its up to everyone how they want ro give birth if theyre given an option to choose... But me personally, i wouldnt choose a c section especially with the pain relief options available... However, if i had a choice and my partner had a legit reason to have a hard rime being present for a c section i wouldnt dream of choosing that, and if i did id be fully prepared to be doing it without him, plus, her mom was there and while thats not your partner, mamas can be exactly what you need during birth. She wasnt abandoned. But im sure it was tough at first and MIL needs to stay out of their relationship.

[@KatieDwyerMusic]

The end of this episode is GOLD and I'm subscribed forever now. Time to binge all the videos.

[@Kay9630]

Story 2 with the C section: I can sympathize with the wife's position as a non elective c section mother. It's absolutely scary. However, she knew ahead of time this was a boundary and she chose a c section. She didn't have to make the choice. It's really not the easy way out. Now if it was medically necessary then that's more understandable. But 100% the MIL is fueling it. Like the e Wife can be upset, but she can't be angry. If that makes sense. This is something she knew and chose.

[@jesselcruz6814]

Every single one of you has such amazing energy, definitely puts me in a good mood every time I listen to y’all.

[@jimmieloop8587]

Both mine are Cesarean, as a father you should be there even if you pass out because unbeknownst to most men birth is a huge relationship tester on how we(men) are capable of being there for your wife. Many fathers pass out in delivery and it is perfectly fine. However, we are dealing with PTSD and active therapy, wife was wrong for elective surgery and MIL is a crap mixer. OP NTA.

[@kat8829]

I honestly feel the husband in story #3 is super sus. I agree with another comment he is trying to put away another lil neat egg away with his friend so when he leaves her he has 2/3 of that lotto

[@emmaj9851]

I don't think the OR staff would have let him in. The last thing we need in an OR is another patient, which is this case would make it the third! I think having her mom there was an amazing plan.

[@CPhTmama]

Sam's super sincere "You can't run at the pool." Lmao 😂 Love the commitment to water safety 😂

[@reby1583]

You need an update for story 1. Is just epic, my first time reading multiple updates

[@JeshikaDanna]

Guys, there are like six or seven updates you guys should read some updates to previous stories it would be nice and love your guys voices i fall asleep to yalls podcast guess i really am an ottoman haha! Love ya sam, The Gentle Giant! ❤

[@kalliearroyo9527]

For the humiliation story. I suspect the friend who outed her as a sex worker probably has a negative opinion of people who do that work and seeing her being applauded for doing good in the world annoyed her so she tried to take her down a few pegs in the eyes of the people at the event. OP is NTA at all, the friend caused a scene and it backfired on her, she started the ball rolling, she just didn't expect to get caught under it.

[@SheenaRM]

Story 3: ALWAYS GET A REPUTABLE LAWYER TO DEAL WITH LARGE AMOUNTS OF MONEY AS WELL AS A FINANCIAL ADVISOR. People go INSANE when they learn someone around them won a lot of money. Like murder levels. It’s actually happened a few times and the danger is real. The lawyer needs to help you deal with the collection of the money. Some states allow anonymous collections of funds and some don’t. If your state allows anonymous collection you should always take that option. NTA cause that request is crazy.

[@leysi_love9833]

Story 2: I do think she went about it the wrong way but as someone who’s had two kids you can agree to anything before giving birth you will never know how you will truly feeling until your in the moment she might have been fine leading up to it but that day she got scared and wanted him with her I don’t fault her for that. But I do think she should have gone about it a different way. But again she’s hormonal and in a delicate place.

[@shauniegirl5598]

Story 3: NTA. You were the one who bought the ticket and I would have lawyered up especially if you’re in a state where you can’t remain anonymous. And as for the friend/business partner he doesn’t deserve anything.

[@Dove808]

Story 2 : I understand both of their sides. He is scared and probably wouldn’t be much help but she was scared and needed her husband. I think he should of waited to have a kid until he was more stable atleast to we’re he could of entered and just looked at his wife not the c- section however i understand he has trauma and I hope he understands his wife since right now she probably isn’t in the best of mind because of pregnancy and might feel rejected.

[@fridaheulalia]

Story 2. Okej, i would kill my bf if he wasn’t there for me. On the other hand i had my second child with emergency c-section so i was asleep and didn’t know anyway..! BUT! He told her!! BEFORE she was pregnant! It’s a bs move of her to accept what he Said but counted on that he would change his mind..?! Not cool.

[@samkelomafuya]

Story one has so much more going on( it gets illegal and everything)

[@jaanjoon]

Listening to you guys as I start my day, gives me energy!!

[@Itsmeabbyg301]

Why did she choose a c section girl! I had one and the recovery is not fun! I feel like I would have had an easier time if I had a vaginal birth!

[@rachelspencer3717]

Hot Take: don't tell anyone you won the lottery ever, no spouse, no kids, no friends because it is too dangerous.

[@seriousblakk]

Only like the stories with top comments or updates

[@natenate7659]

Hi yinz, I just wanted to let you know your voices are so calming to fall asleep to, I love the podcast! FYI I listen to the new ones at the gym not to sleep 😂

[@mylolara7316]

As someone who had a planned induction turned c section, I would've been horrified if my husband wasn't by my side because it is very scary. That being said if it's something that was talked about before and agreed to I would be more understanding but here's the issue. My husband did not want to cut the umbilical chord he was scared and it freaked him out but in that moment he decided to do it and it changed the whole experience for him. I'm not saying it's as comparable considering this guy's history with that. But I truly believe as a partner if you are comfortable sitting on the sidelines just waiting while your wife is going through one of the biggest Surgeries you can have, that's something you gotta sleep with. It's not like it's tonsil surgery. But because he made it so clear I feel like she could be a little more understanding maybe not immediately but he also needs to give her time to process going through that without him there.

[@kellharris2491]

People opt for a c section when the doctors think it will turn into an emergency c section anyway. (A lot of women are too small in the hips for the babies head. Before medical intervention both baby and mother likely would have died during pregnancy. Or they would break the babies skull to pull the baby out, killing the baby to save the Mom😔) Most likely in choosing a c section she avoided having the same complication as his first wife with the babies head becoming stuck. The baby almost suffocating, and the wife almost hemorrhaging out. And then having to rush them to an OR. Would he have prefered to really relieve the experience I wonder? I think she lost trust and respect in him more than that she is angry. And that is harder to recover. She can't help that any more then he can help his fears.

[@PettyPatty.TM.]

We were in our house less than 10 years before we paid it off ☠️ i couldnt imagine still paying on it for 25 more damn years! Absolutely not. I rather like not having payments on things. Ngl.

[@burdenblossom9484]

holy shit the 90s called, they want their hearing aid joke back

[@turbgar]

As a cashier, I can assure you a few dollars a week IS casual LMAO

[@Clemsonalumnus]

You should check out the updates for Story 1 if you haven’t. It’s getting wild.

[@laurenhawes7201]

I can't find it, link?

[@cheekofeather6310]

My partner and I have agreed, if we ever won the lottery (a SIGNIFICANT amount) we tell noone. We would donate to our families, maybe pay off their mortgages (payments are way less than ours) and keep quiet. It's nobody else's, we won by luck. But even now just relatively comfortable, we have been asked by family members for money or 'contributions' to their bills- because they have children, and we don't. So telling everybody in our lives, is a nono xxxx

[@MillenniaAlexa]

Story two : this is how I feel about it he had a clear cut boundary. He is expressed to her during the pregnancy of Balance something traumatic that happened to him with his first wife, and that he did not feel comfortable going in there, watching her have a C-section for nothing unless why would you choose to have a C-section after he discussed it I maybe like I just need to hear the wife’s perspective. Maybe she had to have a C-section or whatever but I just think if he’s explaining to you multiple times of how he feels about it, respect his boundary and be understanding that he did not feel comfortable because one or two things probably would’ve happened. He probably would’ve freaked out and thought the worst. He probably still has PTSD from it. I think you have to be realistic of what you do and not for nothing like the mother-in-law had no right to be talking her talk I think she should’ve had explain to her mother what had happened and I agree that the mother-in-law also was talking in the daughters here like he should’ve been in there with you. He should’ve been in there with you OK you chose her because you knew your husband was notable to go in there why are you mad at him then? 18:23

[@kellharris2491]

Yeah she knew he had trauma. It's one thing to be okay with him not being there months before the event, but in that moment before her procedure she was scared and reached for him. He felt his fear was worse then the woman about to go under a knife. I am sorry but he is a coward. In that moment he was a coward. If he was a real man and a loving partner he would have been brave. Bravery is not the absence of fear. Bravery and real love is to put yourself second when it counts for the greater good and the right thing. She just lost respect for him as a man. I don't know if they can recover from this. I am an Army Veteran. Trauma and fear are debilitating and real. But there is a difference between men who run away and men who fight on regardless. She learned her husband was the first. She lost faith and trust in him as a man.

[@Nisje30]

Story 2 NTA , he made his Trauma clear to her from the start, then she DECIDED/CHOOSE to have a c section and he still made his trauma clear to her after that and she was ok with this, both the wife and the Mil (who probably enticed the wife) are AH

[@belledomnik]

Adam should make Tim an art room in his house. IYKYK

[@starcharlie1880]

34:38 For the 3rd story I think, me and my boyfriend have a close friend who has helped us out many times. I would definitely be down to give 1/3 of our lottery winnings to him.

[@jimmieloop8587]

But OP's husbands relationship with the friend is too commingled with business and personal. They have started businesses together which is different from "helping" each other out. Probably the husband can't seperate the two and owes the friend a lot.

[@CozyWithRaven]

2nd story: I think not the asshole, based purely on a safety issue. If he were to have gone in and passed out or had an anxiety attack, that would divert attention away from the operation, or cause damage. He knows he can't handle being near an active operation, he's making the responsible and safe decision to not be a hazard. We all want to think that we'll pull through and be heroic in a bad time, sometimes we do. Sometimes we don't. He recognized his limit.

[@Thenailsorcerer]

Story 2 If feel like he's not the ah as someone with kids if you were ok with it and multiple time you agreed to have just your mom in the or with you and then the literal minute before you change your mind?... I agree with Steven I believe the mother absolutely has something to do with swaying her decision and then she was the one telling the family. She probably yelling her to be mad at him. Her mom need to mind her business and let her daughter handle her own marriage

[@drodge72]

See i understand the best friend lottery thing. Ive known my besy friend for over 20 years... Since 7th grade. We are way oast the friend title. Hes my brother. When my blood family wasnt there he was both financially and for emotional support. He helped me get back on my feet twice. Ive been there through his marriage, dovorce and birth of his child... So yeah he'd be getting half if i won the lottery. He absolutely desrves it. Hes also the smartest person i know. Hes gonna make sure we take our money and double/quadruple it.

[@hayleyhellbound9513]

He didn’t win the lottery. His wife did. He’s not even really entitled to the money.

[@abbylabuda4331]

@@hayleyhellbound9513 i was gonna say this lol

[@ShamW0Wzer]

​​@@hayleyhellbound9513morally, no. I agree with you there, but im pretty sure he is entitled to it, legally. Unless a prenup was signed, that money was gained during their marriage.

[@KylaFuller]

The thing about the C-section is it’s traumatic to him but he isn’t the one being cut open. In that moment when you’re about to be cut open, it can unlock fears you thought you could have gotten over. Him being scared I get but if something went wrong and she died, he wouldn’t have been there for that either. Not having your partner who basically makes a kid and waits definitely feels like you’re in this on your own. He may not be the asshole but once you have a C-section a v back is not recommended so there would be no other kids. If they move pass this, let it be a one and done. Maybe that’s just me. I am curious about the elective C-section bc I thought that was a necessity thing. I know times have changed so maybe it was optional but avoidable. I don’t get why she’d choose that if she needed her partner to be present. I think in general most women want this mother there though.

[@Jestice1286]

Family is still people. If they will take advantage of you giving them money all the time, they will do that forever. You have to set limits or it won't have a limit.