AITA for sacrificing my daughters college fund because her sister just gave birth to her 4th child?

Join this channel to get access to perks:
/ @dustythunder
AITA for sacrificing my daughters college fund because her sister just gave birth to her fourth child?
bit.ly/47yrdQN
Dusty Thunder narrates stories from Reddit, follower submissions, and other sources and provides reactions.
Website - www.dusty-thun...
All the Links - linktr.ee/dust...
Swag - dusty-thunders...
Spotify - open.spotify.c...
Jot Coffee - SAVE 20% with code DUSTY20 - jot.co/
Submit Your Story - www.dusty-thun...
Dusty's Subreddit - / dustythunder
#storytime #redditstories #storyreaction #voiceover #asconscale #aita

[@anakaliaeastwood]

Older daughter can't even work, they're broke as a couple, and they still making babies. That seems...NOT smart. YTA, lady. YT huge, huge A.

[@TheBrookelynChick]

Right? Why are you continuing to have babies that you can’t afford?

[@LessaCaira]

And if she can't work where is AFDC and/or Disability?

[@LLandS18]

​@@LessaCairaI agree but neither of that is going to be enough to support her four children. I just don't understand why people keep having children when they can't afford them. And then make it everybody else's problem.

[@JW-vd4il]

Let's talk about the Daddy, too. First he decided not to look for extra work until after the holidays. HelLO, the holidays are exactly the time to GET extra work. Sometimes it's just a gig but it can also lead to regular employment and at least you made a nice little chunk of extra money even if the job is temporary. THEN, the reason he can't work now is spending time with relatives. Who are all these super-special relatives there are so many of and they are all so close he must spend that much time with them instead of working extra when he is not even working full time? Why aren't any of these SUPER-Special people helping the baby-makers??? I know you-all will agree with me, thought you'd enjoy those questions too. 😁

[@brainpagan]

Let's not forget Shea not even married to the baby daddy. This means she qualifies for public assistance rather than sisters college fund.

[@jnmaves]

The mom is 100% the a**hole. Not only did she enable the older daughter, she may have just thrust her younger daughter into the same cycle of poverty. Terrible!

[@jnmaves]

I also wrote my comment before I heard Candy’s thoughts! Yes! The older daughter needs birth control and the mom could have housed them. The mom did a terrible job, terrible thing!

[@lexih33]

The mom is absolutely an asshole. The older daughter clearly has golden child syndrome and the mom is just constantly enabling it. It feels like the younger daughter finally had something for her, and something to get away from the crazy that is her family and her mom yanked that out from her too. It's only solidified by the fact that the daughter's husband finally had a chance to go make something of himself and she selfishly put a stop to it. I truly don't think I'd blame the daughter for going no contact. It really sounds like this was just the straw that broke the camel's back. We don't know the rest of the story, and I can only make the assumption that the older daughter has been the one catered to.

[@thinakay]

Nobody said the money came from the mom. How do we know that her dad, grandparents and others didn’t contribute to the college fund? Candy Thunder is spot on here!

[@cynthiaguzman7130]

THIS!!!!! And "enough to pay for most of a 2 year community college with grants, etc." means that it isn't even that much. It is probably only a couple of thousand dollars. It isn't even that good of a Band-Aid for the older daughter... who obviously has no business having more children when she can't afford to house her family as it is.

[@DerrickUltima]

Honestly, this is a good point. My stepson has a pretty sizable college fund, but that's money from when his dad died. If my wife were to liquidate that to pay for another kid's bad choices, that would be disgusting.

[@annoyedkitten4964]

Also, is it in the mother's name or the daughter's? Because around here, if you save up money for your (grand)kids etc, you put it in the child's name. As long as the child is a minor, the parents would have access, of course, but it would not legally be the parents to do with as they please.

[@teoraleauanae61]

Dusty is wrong; Candy is right. Dusty, this is the first time I’ve vehemently disagreed with you. I’m shocked actually. Very disappointed

[@Kacibelle]

This right here. It’s probably very unlikely that mom contributed the majority of that money.

[@shadowkissed2370]

Parents are not obligated to pay for their adult children having baby after baby either. She already had that money for college, she is a piece of crap for taking it from her and giving it to the older daughter who obviously does not have common sense enough to keep her legs closed. All she is doing is setting her younger daughter up to be in the position her older daughter is in.

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

Well in 30-40 years when the younger daughter is no contact and OP is dumped in the cheapest possible nursing home by older daughter and baby daddy, at least she will have documentation on Reddit as to why

[@testaccount01336]

You mean the streets. Any nursing home cost money.

[@solsticebaby]

Nailed it

[@ArtemisPhanes]

Why does the older daughter keep having kids she can't afford? Sounds like she is making bad life decisions so why is the grandmother paying for that?

[@drgirlfriend211]

As a mother who was impoverished for a short time, I say this- Birth control. the MOMENT I had a baby without enough money to take care of him adequately, I got on birth control and asked for help. Not money… but instead I entered a program for single parents to get their crap together… I’m now getting ready to search for a home to buy, have my bachelors degree, paid off my car (three years early), and am starting my second semester of graduate school. I did this ALL without my parents support or financial help, they live in a different state. The choice to continue to get pregnant is a foolish one. Have as many babies as you want! Just get STABLE FIRST! Sheesh… bad decisions all round in this family that the youngest pays the price for…

[@amiehome4687]

I seriously doubt the mother funded rhe college fund. I bet it was the grandparents, which just makes this morally theft

[@Chilie5678]

100% agree with Candy. She's rewarding bad behavior and the younger daughter's reaction tells me this is not the first time. She's ruining her future, ascot 1

[@ninamorris7291]

Big sister is pregnant w/4th kid, while living in 1 room apartment w/3 other people, & can’t learn data entry in 3 days? Yes. Reward her for her awesomeness.

[@cosette1122]

If theres a fund for the youngest then there was a fund for the eldest. If you have crap job and so does your partner, why continue breeding. 4 kids ! That money was put aside for the youngest so dont still it from her.

[@nitroxmedic1224]

the mom is ascon 1 because she is stealing money from the younger daughter because the older daughter CHOSE to have a 4th child. the older daughter needs to take responsibility for her own decisions and be a damn adult. its clear favoritism for the older daughter and let your younger child know that she friggin matters.

[@peggysmith2609]

The oldest daughter already has four children. If you can't afford them quit having them. But right now the government gives you so much money there's no reason she could not pay for her own apartment. Mom will regret this later when the youngest one has nothing to do with her or her sister.

[@ZumSero]

if there is no obligation to pay for college there is no obligation to pay for her daughters lack of family planning,

[@ShootingStarStudio]

What bothers me more is I think the older sister knew what she was doing. Nobody “accidentally” has 4 kids by the time they’re 24.

[@LLynneM]

Candy + Tony are 100%. Dusty Sympathizing is normal. Putting OP’s irresponsible daughter over the future of her younger daughter is an ASCON 1 mistake (esp bc Younger told OP where _she_ stands w/an ominous warning of their future relationship). Mom’s mkg a huge mistake bandaid-bankrolling the baby factory. But at 48yo she’s overly-empathizing w/her pregnant 24yo daughter. Give her a roof + a babysitter, and mk her get a job. Give Younger her chance.

[@rachaelf5903]

I disagree that it’s her money, college funds usually get contributed into by various family members over the years. My nephews are 3 and I’ve contributed twice to their college fund. If my sister does something else with that money, she will always be ascon 1.

[@bobkat1007]

OP aka “Mom” is an ASCON 1!!! I had something similar but unfortunately worse happen to me. My egg donor decided to leave to NZ for a man for months at times leaving me 14yrs old, raising my older and younger brothers. When she decided to move permanently I was 15 and had arranged to live with my older sister, she undercut that and organised my youngest brother to stay with my sis instead saying “your best friends parents said you could stay with them” I knew they weren’t comfortable with me moving in nor was I comfortable with burdening them. And unfortunately that is one of the best betrayals my egg donor did too me.

[@aralornwolf3140]

Did you sue your egg donor for child abandonment?

[@brittanysmith5498]

What country is this in? If in the USA, Did the older sister never heard of condoms???? Birth control is free in any county health department.

[@D-Dollie]

24 years with FOUR CHILDREN!! That is insane!!

[@CosticDragon]

6:50 my question is it sounds like they aren’t applying to any welfare programs that are designed for this. The daughter can get help through WIC, social security, Medicare for her back issues which could be from sciatica or possibly her abdominal muscles separating during pregnancy.

[@alexandercharizard3617]

I actually do think parents are somewhat obligated to pay for college education. Your responsibilities as a parent don't just end because your child is 18 and out of the house. If you have the financial means and what your child desires is within reason, yes she has the obligation to help her get an education.

[@rmlrl1971]

The mother is the AH. The sister can't work, but she can pop out babies. The sister has put herself in the situation she is in and the younger sister shouldn't have to be punished for it.

[@44zeex]

I hope OP younger daughter never speaks to her again! I feel like OP has done this multiple times over the years. Where older sister comes first.

[@ChristinaMitchellwriter]

NGL this one triggered both myself and my husband. Both of us experienced this. We were told all of our lives that we'd be taken care of when it came to college. There'd be money in the bank for us. When we graduated HS, it turned out there was nothing. In my case, there should have been ten thousand dollars (at the least) in it and when I asked my grandma about the money she casually said there wasn't any left. She spent it all years ago (while continuing to tell me I had it). I was devastated. I was making plans for my life around that money. I was depending on it. I was promised it over and over again. So while no, no parent is required to pay for college, if they promise you that money and make you believe that they are taking care of you, that they are thinking about your future, and then they snatch it away, it's a betrayal of your trust. It hurts. I felt so unloved. So inconsequential. I thought she cared about my future because she said she did, over and over and then it was like my future didn't matter to her. My husband felt the same with his. This isn't about money. The money is the least of it. It's about telling your child, I'm here for you, and then not showing up.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

Wait. The older daughter and her partner are the ones who got themselves into trouble in the first place. There are so many programs available on state and federal level that would help the couple and their kids - free pregnancy prevention to start with! - but no one is going to let them live in a 1 bedroom place with 4 kids, which exceeds city designated occupancy limits. Using this college fund for the married daughter, this is going to back younger daughter into a corner making her mad enough to move out - probably with some guy - and ending up the same as her sister. Please just let the girl go to school and have aspirations and get more ahead in life that her deadbeat daughter who cannot stand up, work or anything - but apparently can lay back and keep getting pregnant...

[@Bj90216]

They got kicked out for having 8 people live in a 1 bedroom! Sister, boyfriend, 4 kids, boyfriend's brother, and his girlfriend. Fire code would have shut that down instantly and the landlord could face penalties if they did allow it.

[@sandraleask6144]

If she has health issues she shouldn't be having more babies. Being pregnant is really hard on the back.

[@13bonnie13]

I want to know where the college fund came from. It doesn't sound like the mother could afford to create it on her own. Was the money an inheritance from grandparents or did the father who is no longer there set it up. Did the girl herself contribute to it with birthday and Christmas money over the years as well as other family members. If the money did not come from the mother and no one else then the mother has no right to take it and give to the oldest daughter.

[@user-wi2yc8qd4u]

YTA 100% . I usually don’t call parents bad parents. But this is definitely bad mom behavior . Candy said exactly what I was thinking !

[@wandRng]

This one triggered me a bit. I like Candy's approach, well daid. I find it dead wrong because this has personally happened to me. I fnally became aware of that shit-the lack of trust, the pleasing/co-dependant behaviors, the insecurities in myself, my poverty mindset...I see it for what it is now, have made peace with them, have solid boundaries in place, but more importantly, im making peace with myself. Godspeed to the younger daughter. May your journey only make you stronger 🙏

[@juliedickerson5183]

Mom is absolutely TAH. I want to know where exactly this money came from? Did the money only come from OP? Did grandparents contribute? Did anyone else? Also, what steps are being discussed so that in 15 months the other child isn’t having grandchild 5?

[@susanneboling5552]

OP will & def should lose her relationship w/ her younger daughter over this. And she needs to pull away b/c whatever success she achieves her mom & sister will come around for 'help' whenever they need $ BTW. you say parents aren't responsible for kids college but you know who disagrees with the US government. Financial aid requires considering parental income in granting aid to students. This has caused problems for so many young adults who get no help from pRents but can't get aid b/c thefinancial aid folks assume they do.

[@cathybrookeburt2616]

OP is a total AH. No one says anything about Dad. Is he dead? Is that college fund younger daughter's inheritance? And what mom should be spending money on is neutering one of these irresponsible young people. 24 & can't work, but she just keeps making babies? WTH? OP is enabling the baby mama & if she truly can't work, she should be filing for disability. She has trashed her own future & OP decided that trashing the younger daughter's future was the answer to this problem? OP should be helping by finding programs that offer help. Damn I hate people that keep making babies that they can't take care of properly.

[@tracicolvis7382]

He dipped out to another country.

[@tracicolvis7382]

Yes parents don't have to pay for college. Mine didn't pay mine. However, college tuition is done differently now. I have a kid in college. She had to submit proof of my and my husband's income when looking for financial aid. That's not really fair to the kid to not get financial aid (grants) because their parent makes too much when the parent isn't paying.

[@Alexander-zt1co]

I came across the daughter POV it was her money that she was saving, doing odd jobs since she was 12. But mother needed to be in the account cuz the daughter is under age, so she had access to the account

[@NickM_FirstofHisName]

She stole someone else's money?

[@erauprcwa]

Fourth child and you still haven't learned financial and personal responsibility? Yeah, this sounds like a golden child scenario and OP's daughter is tired of being the "good child" and not getting the proper recognition from her mother. Yes, OP can do whatever she wants with the money, it's hers. HOWEVER, it's not totally hers when she made it clear it was for her daughter's college education. OP is an AH.

[@belovedbrat]

I'm sorry but OP is an ascon 1. The fund was for the youngest daughter's college and we don't know who all added to said college fund. And if OP is so worried about her daughter and grand kids being homeless she should let them move in with her. At this point her priority should be the minor child still living at home. The 24 year old is an adult who needs to learn to clean up her own mess.

[@michaeledmond1514]

I don't understand why the husband can't get a job. Who cares if Christmas is coming up. The truth is the daughter and son-in-law did this on purpose knowing that OP was going to help them out. OP obviously has done it before. Tony and Candi are 100% right. The money was specifically started for college

[@ElectroT0y]

Christmas id the time EVERYONE can get a job. Stores, bars, restaurants, etc are all hiring holiday workers. I was hired as a holiday worker in a major retail store and was kept on after the season was over because I worked my butt off. He could have found a job. He doesn't want to work.

[@analyticalchick3064]

Not a husband. He's a shack up.

[@tohrurikku]

So the older daughter knew that having more kids is not a good idea when she had her second child, yet she and her other half did not take any measures to stop having kids. Those two know what they are doing, they are milking their family for all they have. It should be illegal for someone other than the child the college fund is for to take money out.

[@taylerkolin3075]

What really makes her the AH is the timing of it. The younger daughter was already in the midst of sending out applications and making plans around that money. Imagine her getting acceptance letters from schools she can no longer attend, just rubbing salt in that wound.

[@MsShorti]

Sometimes I listen to these stories and question if they are even real. Who wouldn’t be the asshole if they made their youngest child pay for the life choices of another? Why even ask? OP knows they’re an asshole 💯 times over. As an added bonus OP may have created an environment where the youngest child may come to resent her sister. OP can empathize with her child and help wherever she can but don’t sacrifice the youngest child future for the sister’s present.

[@sakuradayz15]

Oh, I don't doubt that they are real. It's just a matter of which ones. In this case, I have personally known people that have either done this or been through it. It's sick and sad.

[@mangamegbe]

I disagree. She could have had her daughter move in with her if need be until the boyfriend got them into another living situation. She threw away her youngest daughter’s future so her eldest could continue to avoid consequences. The older daughter has golden child syndrome and has no intention of bailing herself out or trying to. The youngest daughter will probably go NC or LC and she will lose one daughter because of her decision.

[@MphoenixE]

Oldest daughter continues to make bad decisions and increases Their poverty with children

[@luckywanderer5107]

YTA!. What part of birth control does sister and BIL not understand?

[@lunerwarior]

My thing is….OP is a massive ah in this situation considering the oldest daughter chose to have 4 kids, 2 of which effected her health by having and on top of that putting her family at risk by lying to her landlord and having not 1 but 2 extra people live at her place. Bf doesn’t need to worry about family celebrations when he’s barely part time at Walmart. This whole problem is caused by everyone making the worst decisions possible and you wanna screw over your 17 year old because your oldest had kids that she can’t support?! Hell no!

[@ElectroT0y]

Dusty. I strongly disagree with you. The older daughter had chronic back pain after her SECOND baby. It inhibited her ability to work. WHY did she go on to have TWO MORE kids??? This is all on her daughter and her baby daddy. He needs to take that job and they need to GO. They need to figure it out and the mother needs to give that college fund to her younger daughter so she can make a better life for herself and whatever children SHE may have in the future. What you think the mother should do only drags down BOTH of her daughters instead of helping at least one of them to rise.

[@kathleenweidmann3100]

Babies Daddy was too busy with family to look for better job opportunity.🙄 Enjoy supporting this family the rest of your life Grandma because Mom & Dad are unmotivated to provide for their family & the college fund won't last long; it's just a bandaid for a family of 6. Whereas the college fund could have been life altering for the younger daughter.

[@Greeneyedcat99]

So the sister has a bad back and can’t hold a job but has no problem having sex and no problem with being pregnant?! I think the sister just doesn’t Want to work.

[@geoffpayne8130]

You keep saying parents aren't obligated to pay for the kids college fund... but that's irrelevant. She had the fund and then took it away. She is an ass and there is no question, no difficult discussion. The older daughter could have stopped having kids

[@avernion]

The mother isn’t a ah, she’s a monster. This cost her a daughter and bought her a bum.

[@redrduck1]

YTA poor younger daughter

[@CosticDragon]

I strongly disagree with you on this one Dusty. The college fund was a gift that she took back and gave to her sister.

[@DerrickUltima]

While I do agree that a parent is not obligated to pay for college for their child, a commitment is a commitment. That money was committed to the younger daughter for college. OP broke that commitment without even having a discussion with the younger daughter. And so the younger daughter is being made to pay for the older daughter's repeated bad life choices. And I promise you, that will change the course of the younger daughter's life. That will alter the path that she is on. And it's never in a good way.

[@abubarrie88]

Dusty is so wrong here OP is definitely ascon1 level here.

[@jordanas3750]

Fund is the grandparents fund you didn't read up and do your due diligence. The grandparents have isolated the fun that would only go to the younger daughter after the older daughters and Mother's spending habits shall we say. She does not have access to the funds. She'd have to go and extract them and pay a fine.

[@CosticDragon]

5:59 why the fuck can OP have her kids move in with her? My parents did that for my oldest brother when I was younger. I did lose my room at that time but as an adult I know that was a way to help them not be homeless.

[@favgoose]

My problem is that she is setting up her youngest daughter to fail by rewarding her already failing older daughter. I 100% agree with Candy. The grandkids are not OPs responsibility, her youngest daughter is.

[@clairewicks6160]

I get that OP and parents in general are not responsible to pay for children's college and diverted the funds from younger daughter for older daughter. Did we ask if OP paid for older daughter's college aswell? Feels like OP just told indirectly the younger daughter that she doesn't mean as much to her

[@ryntintynvin]

Mom is a total AH. The 17 yo will eventually go no contact.

[@jadedaceofspades]

YTA. OP's younger daughter is her responsibility, not her grandchildren. Her grandchildren are the older daughter's responsibility and I think the older sister knows how to play the system. The more kids she pops out, the more she can claim she can't do things and mumsy will be there to the rescue because "think of your grandchildren!" It's ridiculous.

[@rilo7891]

Mom just lost a daughter. That was the younger daughters money. Dusty is the AH on this one.

[@CherryHBombMom]

I listened twice in case I missed something but OP doesn’t say if she is the only one that put money into the college fund. I know in some families grandparents or other family members start or contribute to the college fund. Also, what I heard were a lot of excuses made for older daughter. You’re right about this money being a bandaid, therefore a waste, in my opinion. Ultimately, what puts her at an Ascon 1 is the younger daughter knew about the college fund which would mean that there was a plan in place. Parents are not obligated to send their kids to college but if you tell kid about it and that kid is working towards that plan then taking that money for another child/reason sends the message that the kid is not as important nor is their eduction. As a parent of minors and a grandparent I can empathize but if I were making this decision I’d know I was the AH. I wouldn’t have to ask.

[@Dot-hack]

6:26 That’s because you’re wrong. Life is about choices. The older daughter made the choice to keep having babies despite the fact the father only worked at Wallmart and she couldn’t keep a job. You don’t punish your younger daughter for the decisions of another and I wouldn’t blame the younger daughter if she went No Contact.

[@ramonasalden9926]

TTA!! Big time & forever! Untrustworthy!!!!!!

[@TheBrookelynChick]

Candy Thunder is right here.

[@VeronicAM313]

OP was the asshole. The mom could have and should have let the oldest struggle. The older daughter has mom bail her out time after time. OP has coddled the 24 year-old and has defended her to the point that she hasn't learned to adult. I'm with Candy on this.

[@Lev.R]

Also, they got kicked out of their apartment for violating the tenant rules so they did this to themselves like come on! 3 children and two adults in a one bedroom and then let another couple stay illegally , they set themselves up to fail then didn’t mind that their sister would fail as long as they would get sisters money from her mom. How selfish!!!!

[@saraht3196]

has too much chronic pain to work, but not too much to have another kid??? if i was broke AND broke my tailbone with an aching back i'd be stocking up on birth control and condoms. good grief. and the mother just made everything worse. she's a single mom whose head is barely above water too, so lord knows she couldn't support having 6 house guests without much to cover the extra utilities and groceries. i completely understand why she made this decision even though it may be the wrong one.

[@terriwausnock4056]

Why is the daughter continuing to have kids when she can’t support them? Older daughter needs to learn how to stand on her own.

[@Goblue373]

If you can’t afford one kid don’t keep having them !!!!!!!

[@MAUUmadness]

Mom and older daughter are wrong, mom for enabling older daughter, and older daughter for continuing on having a children when obviously she can't afford it, she obviously knows mom will come to the rescue and that's unfair for the younger daughter.

[@minohki]

Once again. Why do people keep having children that they cannot afford?

[@christianjohns5850]

It really depends in this situation as to whether the eldest daughter has some form of a college fund already and got to use it. If so, ascon 1. If not, ascon 2.

[@dogguy8603]

Why did the older daughter have more kids?! Like so she had complications with her 2nd child and decides to have TWO more kids? Have they never heard of a condom?

[@r10greyhoundsrule87]

As Dusty is reading OP's post, less than a minute in all I hear is Mom making excuses for a daughter she favors over the younger daughter, a guy who finds excuses not to look for a better job with more hours to support all the children he's bringing into this world, and OP herself is living in a pity party that she has to work. Maybe that's the reason her ex hightailed it to another country: OP is lazy and entitled, enables the older daughter and her deadbeat baby-daddy, while OP's younger daughter is striving to better herself and her life and that opportunity was selfishly taken from her as if she doesn't count: only her older sister counts. It isn't the younger daughter's problem or issue that her older sister, with such chronic pain she can't work a job to earn money, keeps having children she can't afford. How does a mother with that level chronic back pain responsibly care for 4 children that need to be lifted up to be carried, placed in a crib, a high chair, a car seat, a tub, clothing changed, a diaper changing table, etc. Her choice to have more children that puts a strain on their already insufficient income is irresponsible and selfish, just like her mother. Mother and older daughter are identical: manipulative, self pitying, the daughter's a liar (landlord/eviction), both are conniving, entitled, irresponsible and morally corrupt. The younger daughter didn't deserve this. Shame on her mother and her older sister and her 'maybe-gonna-be' brother-in-law; 4 children he's fathered with the older daughter and not married - why? So he can skip out when he's had enough of playing 'house' with her? And the mother isn't interfering in that issue, is she? Once the college fund is emptied, what will she rely on to get the older daughter out of her next scrape? And the one after that? It seems she's been bailing the oldest out of problems her entire life while the younger daughter is left in the dust. No wonder the younger daughter is 'cold'. I have a feeling the younger daughter has the strength of character and the perseverance and motivation to accomplish whatever she sets her mind to doing, and after this circus, leaving mother and sister behind with little to no future contact once she's out of that house would not surprise me and she'd be doing herself a big favor - treasuring her mental health. Mother and older daughter are co-dependent and toxic as heck. Younger gal needs to get out as soon as she's got her ducks in a row and no matter what kind of job she gets, or what her financial posture is, she should never consider giving her mother or sister access to any of her accounts. She already knows she comes last in that family unit: she came last when it was just her and her sister, and now that there are 4 grandchildren, she's pushed to the bottom rung of that ladder and that is never going to change. Whether or not the college fund was money the mother scrounged and saved for a long time or it was a gift from other relatives (aunts, uncles, grandparents) over the years, it is money with a particular "intent" that the younger daughter was made aware of and, as a result of being able to plan on that financial assistance, planned her future education around it. To suddenly pull the rug out from under her isn't going to smarten up the older sister into making better decisions, being a more responsible person, or even being more sensitive to the fact that her younger sister is growing up and has financial needs too. It damages the younger gal's future now and simply buys time for the older sister until she gets herself in more hot water financially next time, and she will. Mom continues to enable the older gal and it sounds from the younger's reaction to this that this isn't the first time something like this has happened and she's been the one to give in and give up for the older sister's benefit repeatedly over the years. OP is TA, and if the money wasn't saved by OP but consisted of gifts to the younger daughter by others *for* college expenses, OP has no right touching it for any reason.

[@YuriKaroki19]

her comments make her look worst imo

[@kellharris2491]

Yeah her daughter is basically a broodmare.

[@shantavanee]

Sorry but mom is the A$$! Yes it’s her money but It’s not fair to help one daughter and not help the other.

[@nicolejenkins2609]

Obviously, the back pain didn't prevent her from making/having another child. Older daughter is manipulative. Send them to DSS.

[@billchmelik5697]

Candy thunder is on point.

[@katherinepfister4177]

YTA. You can work with chronic back pain. It’s uncomfortable as hell but you can. I’m sorry but in the first minutes I heard excuse after excuse as to why the oldest daughter’s life is the way it is, and the blame was always put on someone else. And now OP is actively choosing her eldest over her youngest and making her pay for the other’s mistakes. Of course the youngest is going to be upset. Nice you kept your connection to your grandkids, but in doing so you might have just lost a child forever. I’d put here at an ascon 2 atleast.

[@CellarDoor21]

She has been sticking up for the preggo daughter and excusing her behavior for awhile now. Plus baby daddy got a better job offer but turned it down for the college money. She is horrible and is going to lose her other daughter

[@muonikka93Pika]

In my opinion, the OP is an Ascon 1. Cause I agree with all Candy and Tony says, I understand Dustys side, but the OP is totally wrong for all this. Bring in the baby factory and her kids in OPs house, and let the youngest have her collage money, that's what that was saved for. Not to help someone who just brings kids into the world while she can't even can take care of them. She should have stopped after the second one, she made her body worse with the 3rd and 4th, now she really can't work

[@amyyaku5022]

YTA and can't believe there was any justification for OP's actions. Even if that was OP's money, it was money specifically for the youngest daughter and promised for her. If parents get their children something for college, their wedding, etc. they don't have to do it, but once you make that commitment you have to see it through unless you have good reason otherwise. OP did not have a good reason for this. A minor daughter takes priority over an older daughter that put herself in this situation. If OP was really worried about her grandkids, but SHE should make up the money to help them, not punish her younger daughter for her older sister's mistakes (no human is a mistake, but having multiple kids you can't afford and not even being able to work even a temp office job is a mistake).

[@zachjones2784]

Y’all are so nice my first thought was why did the lazy daughter have more kids? Also if he can’t provide on a Walmart wage. then they need to move to a state where his job can. they are always going to rely on her forever. Even after the money is given something will always come up and they will need help. Her and the daughter will ever get ahead. E size she did this. Now she may have put the youngest daughter in the same trap. Just get pregnant and mom will help you and you don’t even have to work. They government does the same thing the more kids you have the more money they get each month to support your bad decisions.

[@evies1050]

OP did not say where the money in the college fund came from. Did youngest daughter work and put money in the college fund and OP is on the account because daughter is a minor? Need to know more. College is expensive even with grants and scholarships. A lot of people join the military for the G.I. Bill/tuition program. Not sure what they call it these days. Youngest needs to break the pattern. She needs to put a lot of distance between her and her family or they will drain her dry.

[@bridgetcurry9578]

Was there something in the post you didn't read? You never said that the mother funded the college account, only that one existed. Maybe the daughter saved up money gifts and part-time job income. OP would have access to any account the daughter had as the daughter is a minor. The OP did not want the grandkids to go to another state. That was it. Her bailing her older daughter out has really hurt them in the long run because the SIL was offered a better job. As for the older daughter, birth control is real. And she's in so much pain she can't work but not too much to let her hubby bounce around on her and get her pregnant not once but twice. Really? Is he too stupid to figure out how to use a condom? He doesn't make enough to support the family he has and then gets his wife pregnant 2 more times?? Nope. OP is Ascon 4 because everything she did was for HER own damn self and what SHE wanted without a thought to her youngest child.

[@CosticDragon]

8:21 Candy Thunder is a real one!!

[@erichinkle7891]

This is riddled with excuses. No one’s hours are low right now. Especially at Walmart and nursing homes. Your daughter doesn’t want to work, her husband doesn’t want to work and OP doesn’t want to either. So OP is sacrificing her youngest daughters future so she doesn’t have to work harder asscon 1 imo

[@aralornwolf3140]

Ascon 1. The entire situation could have been resolved w/o taking away the money from the younger child. If they need to, the couple could split up and live with their "parents"... the son and 2 of the kids with his parents and the daughter and 2 of the kids with her single mother and sister. Or, they go get disability payments... to help pay for everything and the mother gets a female version of a vasectomy.

[@jeffdavis8590]

I agree completely with Candy Thunder

[@jackieflores9269]

This is wrong. The daughter knows what causes pregnancy’s. She should have been more responsible. She doesn’t have a job and keeps having kids. Shame on her. Grow up. Stop punishing the younger daughter.

[@scottshieldman]

Is it the mothers money though? No one said where the education fund came from. I worked for years, only to have my mother steal my money because it had to be in a youth account. She stole my savings three separate times before I was old enough to get an adult chequeing account. I'm just saying there's no proof the college fund was the mother's money. This is why I think its still possible that she stole the fund.

[@kriscynical]

You're dead wrong on this one, Dusty.

[@entertainmentlife430]

Yes you are!!!

[@chantellenew2331]

Who put the money in the college fund? Was it all from OP, is it in fact all OP's money💵

[@billchmelik5697]

Yes she is TA.

[@klanigee311]

Taking a good look at how her older daughter is living her life, do you as a mom want to sacrifice your child's college fund. I'd rather have her in college and working for a better future

[@CosticDragon]

Don’t forget Dusty Kirk beat the Kobayashi Maru

[@hayleyparr6565]

Op may have grandchildren but she just lost a daughter