Alayna Has Reached Her Limit | Chosen Family Podcast

[@maramkura]

it is so strange imagining people not having constant internal monologue. Must be so peaceful 😆

[@urdelicatepov]

as someone who doesn't have an internal monologue and thinks in a similar way to mak and ashley, i promise you its definitely not as peaceful as it may seem lmfao 😭 if i do or say anything remotely embarrassing i will relive it for the next 10 years. and not just thinking about it. i will feel like i'm actually back in the moment and re-experiencing the humiliation and physically cringing at it. it's not fun lmfao idk if this is how people with internal monologues experience embarrassment too, but it must be slightly different right?

[@mizzmatrix]

I have something in between, I guess..? I'm constantly overthinking everything I do and say, and sometimes recreate scenarios in my head before it even happens, and it's VERY tiring.

[@Popopatop]

There’s no way ppl have internal monologue 24/7. I have it if I’m like doing something kinda chill like grocery shopping at my leisure but if I’m like at work going about my day and not thinking abt it then I don’t have monologue. Do u have one all the time?

[@HalicanDrops]

@@Popopatop I have an internal monologue all the time, even if I'm on auto-pilot doing something like work I still have the constant thoughts. I have ADHD so sometimes I hyperfocus but the monologue is still there, it's just less scattered.

[@Popopatop]

@@HalicanDrops but it’s like you hear words in your mind? Or ur just thinking. Cuz I have thoughts too all the time but I don’t always hear a voice, it’s more of like an inner knowing but I don’t hear anything audible internally

[@milliescient]

I know you thought this was a weird episode, but it was actually one of my favorite most sweetest ones. Listening to you all talk about your partners inner monologues was so heart warming.

[@JuMixBoox]

Ashley doesn't even need the VPN, she's in the UK in this episode. No excuses for not watching I Kissed A Girl.

[@WAMilyFamily]

I'm like Alayna in that I have constant narration. Even when listening to them talk about it I'm sitting in my head I'm hearing myself talk out my thoughts in my head.

[@itchy7879]

The audible gasp I had when alayna talked about strategizing what to ruminate about so she could get better sleep was SO LOUD.... Intellectually I understood that Alayna has severe anxiety but I didn't quite understand what that felt like until that moment - oh. my. god.

[@MoBryso]

Definitely relate with Alayna. I feel like I’m always talking through something in my mind

[@NomisMoen]

29:30 “what is it like in your mind?“ is the most psychology student, counseling questions I have ever heard.

[@BayAreaBerk]

9 to 5 becoming 8 to 5 is due to the removal of a paid lunch hour & still requiring an 8 hr day...

[@falseprofit9801]

😔

[@peppersgofer]

Ashley NAILED the boat driver vibe.

[@0Twinkletoes0]

Idk why but the way Alayna says "I have trouble accessing my anger" is bone chilling to me. I could see her saying that while slowly and methodically taking off her earings and adding "...but I seem to have managed to access it for you."

[@_asantesana_squashbanana_]

😂 always the sweet and quiet ones. Totally her business but she's 100% the kinkiest person on this pod. Kink recognises kink lmaoooo

[@Limor477]

I had a constant dialogue in my head, and the idea of a quiet head was something that seemed impossible to me. Then I was diagnosed with ADHD and started meds, and now I have a quiet head. It's surreal.

[@DarkRulerHaDes666]

My mind *also* runs like crazy when I'm trying to sleep.

[@callyypso]

I AM Alayna in this one. I have a constant inner monologue and I constantly have full scenes running in my head parallel to what I'm visually "seeing" in the real world. It's like two tapes are constantly running simultaneously in my head, one of the real world and one of my visual/aural/mental interpretation of the real world. It's kinda exhausting tbh.

[@KenZPaige]

This

[@CourageousColor]

I’m with you Alayna. I’m always ahead of myself thinking in words, talking to myself, pumping myself up, setting a new goal, guiding myself through something really detailed. Internal monologue all day. And yes visualizing one thing helps me sleep.

[@someonesomehow379]

24:30 ASHLEY IT IS SUCH A HILARIOUS EPISODE love itt

[@albertqhumperdinck]

I also have a constant running monologue. If I try to think wordlessly, I wind up thinking the words "No Words". It isnt necessarily all anxious ruminations, (unless it is,) it just the flow of thoughts bopping around, sometimes its the lyrics and melody to whatever song is stuck in my head, sometimes its a line of inquiry wondering about something, or a plan of what I`m about to do, but whatever it is, its 100% verbalized at all times, from the moment I wake up. The only time I`m not coming up with words is when I`m listening to someone else`s. (and even then, tbh...)

[@Liesbeth_Aelis]

saaamee!

[@mivical]

mine isnt verbalized a lot of the time, i feel like maybe its coz im multilingual so its often just like abstract, conceptual thoughts/vibes

[@someonesomehow379]

LOVED THIS EPISODE!! also thank u to the person who asked the question! it was so interesting!! once I realized not everyone thinks in words or have an inner monologue I found that FASCINATING also I relate to alayna's answer most- constant thoughts, as long as my brain isn't stimulated or I'm not doing anything.. which is why I've been loving podcasts, having something playing in the background helps me function (+I'm in the closet and have lately been wondering(stressing) about my future, what it's gonna be like, look like, where I'll end up in the world etc.. which is why podcasts have helped me not spiral in those thoughts..) honestly this podcast -and the other podcast that shan't be named- have really helped make me laugh and have brought me comfort.. also seeing queer representation really helps me realise I'm not alone. Also I'm studying counseling so I find podcasts really fascinating + seeing alayna's journey in the field as it's happening has been really nice.. that was a RANT lol but yeah thought I'd share :))

[@thirdspacemaker9141]

It’s not a monologue; I have a constant DISCUSSION/DEBATE in my head. Sometimes I win.

[@someonesomehow379]

HILARIOUS😭 so real tho

[@milianesa]

i'm the same as alayna. my internal monologue never stops and i remember it being so frustrating as a child. it still is sometimes because i just cant stop thinking ever. i can also like picture things if i want to or remember things, but its mostly words. falling asleep is so hard so i end up going to bed reaaaally late so im tired enough to fall asleep immediately

[@elizabethrollo7827]

Haha - Mak fighting for her LIFE at the start - bless you dude, go back to bed! 😂 💙

[@sima153]

I have constant dialogue(yes not monologue) and the only way I could imagine what ashley and mak's experience is the dream parts of "perfect days" film.

[@ttarotkidd]

I'm autistic and I have no inner monologue same as dad and baby. I think in images and pictures. At the food for dinner question, I started seeing different plates of food in my mind lol. My brother who has ADHD is like Alayna, it's non-stop thinking in words. He literally did not believe me when I said my mind can go blank lol.

[@vilgotsvard]

Ashley: "*This episode* you guys act normal and I'll throw something wild in there" Isn't that kind of the premise for this whole podcast? I've watched all 96 and that describes atleast a third of them! :D

[@brooklynneal12]

Saying that I loved this as the first episode I ever watched is an understatement

[@someonesomehow379]

ikrrr also welcome here!! this podcast is amazing

[@TinkerAndBelle1]

I just constantly talk in my head not always my voice tho like I’m genuinely confused how people don’t 😅 I don’t have a single moment of peace like in the podcast I repeat everything everyone’s said in my head to take it in

[@Im-lx3qt]

I have constant internal monologue, I know why though - Clinical Anxiety, ADHD and Depression. Really liked this episode. :)

[@PeachNEPTR]

First; my shift starts at 4pm. Second; I share Alayna’s experience of constantly monologuing. I’ve described it as thinking about thinking while thinking another thought. I’m rarely ever thinking about even one thing at a time. Even the sleep thing, that’s kind of a thing. One piece of advice is to think about something fictional. If it’s too real you can get caught up in planning or thinking it’s important to think about. But a fantasy, or fictional scenario is something you can follow along with and just lose track of because it doesn’t even have to make sense.

[@thirdspacemaker9141]

Reverse dunked. “This isn’t even my basket anymore.” 😂

[@spriddlez]

I don't have anxiety so it's not like anxious rumination but I do think in words almost like I'm talking to myself in my head at all times. Sometimes I just want to scream "shut up!" And it's not even bad thoughts or unpleasant ones it's just so loud and contant

[@Zweigenhaft9]

Alayna's 4pm is giving that Ms. Congeniality line "What's the perfect date?" "I'd have to say April 25th, because it's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket."

[@samgrubin5652]

When you started to talk about having to PICK something to think about that’s calm enough to go toceep to that was the most relatable thing I have ever heard.

[@AmandaThomas-t5y]

This episode was my favorite!! So funny!

[@RondyWooten]

My mind is an endless monolog. It's overwhelming at times and is probably why I have trouble sleeping without the TV or a podcast on. I even speak aloud while alone sometimes just so I can stay focused keep my thoughts in order instead of getting mentally derailed.

[@mariamlikimani4044]

I identify with this so strongly.😅

[@mivical]

speaking out loud can also just be soothing coz it stimulates the vagus nerve which is calming, thats also why in meditation ppl do the ohm thing yk

[@ericadecopas]

I just LOVED this episode. William Dafoe The Third ended me😂

[@sarabutler131]

Alayna. You outgrew this pod and you’re making your own. You’re a happy girl living her life and getting married in Canada. Please. I mean please…. I’ll write an essay as long as you request. I have so much to say. Holy shoot.

[@krissicarsonart]

Mac asked when the 9-5 got pushed back to 8. This happened when work places stopped paying for lunch. Old 9-5s had paid lunch hours. 8-5s do not. Re: Inner Monologue. I definitely talk to myself in my head. It's probably a mix of Mac and Alayna. I envision a lot of things, but I also definitely have whole conversations with myself. I don't have any kind of clinical anxiety, though. This doesn't keep me awake when I need to be sleeping, and I don't feel particularly anxious in general. More like it's just how I process some information. I have one friend who has absolutely no inner monologue of any kind at all. It's seems so strange to me!

[@someonesomehow379]

28:53 omg same alaynaaa it's the anxiety and overthinking 😭

[@girl_fromthenorthcountry]

The thoughts thing is so real. I had an incessant internal train of thought, but then I started medication, and it just went away! 🤷‍♀️

[@beccadotelpy]

I very much relate to Alayna's type of internal monologue. It's going non-stop. I have to listen to something to go to sleep to give my brain something else to do. And yeah, I'm anxious.

[@evegowan7227]

“I’m too busy having feelings I can’t know names” I love you guys

[@kaiya33123]

I relate to Alayna so much!!! The Constant narration/voice in my head paired with severe anxiety!!! PLUS picking something to ruminate on that's not stressful to fall asleep!!! Thank you all for sharing and answering that question❤❤

[@ignorance_is_not_bliss]

ashley saying she came in too hot today but it was actually perfect, cut through the anxiety of the day wonderfully. (it's almost like she's a professional comedian)

[@tinaspvalizada2251]

I choose comforting things to think about every day. but first i roam and scream and miss my bf and have an argument and scream and miss my dad and almost cry and scream and have an argument AND only then i realize its been like 2 hours and im still not asleep... it is so draining that i thought to myself ''hmm what i think about?" and then realized that it was actually also a thought. cannot imagine not thinking all the time, and when i dont speak all time in my mind i speak put loud- because thats how i sooth myself🙂great

[@BrookeButtercup-sx4vw]

"Every night I think about the kisses" 😂❤❤❤

[@Mantaray708]

I so understand Alayna bro, I never really thought about the fact that other people DON’T have a constant internal monologue. A lot of the time for me I’m writing stories in my head to pass time, or thinking up scenarios. Not even in like just an idea way but word for word as if your reading a book or a script. When it’s not that though I’m more so talking to myself in my head about what’s happening around me. It can be overwhelming sometimes but there’s also times when it’s kinda fun!

[@kerukei1]

Still my absolute favorite podcast.

[@emilyfalicki]

Fellow ADHDer here and can relate to the constant internal monologue. I'm also a very visual person so simultaneous think in images as well. It can be quite exhausting.

[@BrookeButtercup-sx4vw]

"If that was a problem, then an apology is in my back pocket waiting" 1, love this. 2, Robby could never!

[@theresamladinich3986]

the whole segment where Mak and Alayna are excitedly trying to “be normal” was so cute

[@bethanygreenwood8259]

I don't tend to see the words, not in a text like format - but I am constantly analysing what is currently happening and what I will do next. This results in paralysis where I can't make the next move because - which is the best next step - I need to plan it out. Then if there other people in the room I'm running through what they might do, how they are feeling, what I need to do to get the best reaction (Make them happy / happier) from them and how the rest of the day / week / year will play out. All in my head as a running commentary. If I'm sat still doing nothing, it means my brain is working overtime. If I busy doing something, it means my brain is working over time, and so is my body 😅

[@michellerbn]

Me too Alayna.. the narrative in my head never stops

[@moony788]

I am so jealous of people who fall asleep easily omg

[@someonesomehow379]

REAL

[@Raddiebaddie]

Shot of espresso everytime ashley says DUNKED ON

[@kapowjam3462]

I also was not ready for the start of this episode bc it's too early. But I do think it's hilarious Alayna reversed dunked and blocked Ashley by not being able to access her anger 😂😂

[@tjmeade9468]

I only think in text and cannot think in images , I internally monologue to myself with different parts of my personality, I repeat words in my head in my own voice when I am reading or typing, when I am alone I talk to myself and imagine conversations with random people, and I go to bed by having discussions with different parts of myself.

[@savannahmassey7094]

36:00 I have to pick something to ruminate on when I go to sleep and I often just replay my current choreography for dance or showchoir and it works so well.

[@erin8069]

4pm is great. Its 4pm now, it’s the time this podcasts is released. So 4pm is always Chosen Family time!

[@KenZPaige]

That last 15 minutes of this episode is everything I never knew I needed. Thanks ladies ✌️🖤🏳️‍⚧️

[@prescott2580]

I also have a constant monologue. Going to sleep I relate to Alayna as well! You have to tell yourself to stop thinking of busy things....

[@thirzeebbers9472]

I do have an inner monologue and i always plan out in my head what I'm going to write or say. but it is not constant, sometimes there's just silence and i think about nothing. I also can't really see pictures in my head and i often cant imagine when people tell me to. I only have pictures of people i see very often and are memorable to me, it also happens pretty often i just forget what people look like

[@paddlingcat1339]

I think in concepts, sounds, images. To be asked "what are you thinking about" requires some translation into words that I can speak aloud. Rather than a constant inner monologue, I have a constant background song playing, but the song might be just the feelings associated with that song rather than the actual melody.

[@kaiya33123]

Sending so much love around all 3 of you🥰🥰🥰💞💞💞 I'm glad you're here in this world🩷

[@someone25915]

about the inner monologue, all of what you three described, i have those all at the same time, like it’s constant like words and stuff but also like experiences and pictures, and then i also have synesthesia (which means i associate certain sensory things with others, like often described as “hearing colors and seeing sounds”) which means like 3 types of sensory info at the same time, and almost always a song stuck in my head so thats just playing in the background of my thoughts, and then also i have an anxiety disorder and autism which means everything feels 10 times as intense sensory wise lmao my brain is a real fun place to be (no it’s awful i just want quiet lol)

[@queerlyvictorian]

I also have an internal monologue. It’s to the point where I process the words people say to me as “mind’s eye subtitles?.” Granted, I also have anxiety, but I do think that we do just conceptualize differently.

[@graceelmu]

For sleeping with the spinning brain, I bought a clock and had to make myself focus on the ticking. For some people it would be terrible but it worked for me.

[@moony788]

I relate more to mak and Ashley for how they think, but I definitely relate more to Alayna about the ALWAYS thinking. Like it does not turn off

[@ToriEatsBricks]

Its ok alayna, we've all reached our limit one way or another 😉

[@emmonarts]

Not only am I constantly thinking in words like Alayna, but images of the words written down will also flash into my mind as I think them, or as I hear them if I'm listening to someone else talk, and I'll sometimes Also feel the sensation of pronouncing the words in my mouth at the same time. So I am really utilizing all slots in my brain at all times. It's exhausting :')))) I have to be careful when I'm remembering or imagining visuals too because I will focus so hard and see them so vividly that I stop processing what I'm actually currently seeing. Not great when you are, for example, driving on the highway.

[@blacksheepyoga]

Agreed. Cancelling should only be applied to very powerful individuals who have done something so horrendous that public shaming can have a useful affect at creating justice. As another queer person who has been out queer for 24 years, we are absolutely held to higher standards.

[@amyrose1539]

I have a constant inner monologue too don’t worry Alayna your not alone

[@mariannetfinches]

12:09 the accuracy! 😭

[@daya529]

I feel you alayna ( inner constant monolog that doesn't shut up ! ) also pictures and movies it just doesn't stop. I've never been a good sleeper.. definitely does not help I listen to audio books - currently jurassic Park

[@vthib]

Constant monologue, combined with visualizing what I'm thinking about. I find that when I'm sitting and staring at a wall I'm usually running though events in my head. Imagining how future conversations will play out, thinking about how past conversations did play out. To go to sleep I, too, like to think about little kisses hehe

[@twentyonethirteen]

I have a constant internal monologue. I have anxiety so sometimes I feel like there are two running at one time, one is the normal, everyday stuff and one is the anxiety voice overlapping. Also, I have aphantasia so there are no visuals at all. It's always so wild for me to hear about people who don't have an internal voice and they can see stuff. Like, what a totally unrelatable existence. 😂

[@drawlynnfaves]

i have the same thing as alayna, tho i also have anxiety and soon to be seeing if i have ADHD. always always a monologue of some kind going on in my head, and the sleeping thing where i have to find smth rlly rlly simple to ruminate on to settle is the same too (im still struggling to find a consistent one for me). ironically one thing to make me think i might have ADHD (besides also my primary doc saying i might) was watching a jaiden animations vid and that quote of her saying "the voices finally stopped" as a joke when she took ADHD meds- bc that felt so relatable to have constant voices of your mind every day and i'd love for it to stop too sometimes

[@bellahawthorn4575]

have a constant narrating internal monologue exactly like Alayna, where it’s going all the dime, sometimes with multiple streams (plus music! 😀), but also there are a lot of visuals that go with the thoughts, essentially like little videos playing of what I’m thinking about. Also if I’m staring at a wall it’s because I’m lost in thought, not because my mind is quieter. It’s a fun time up here 🙃

[@louis0320]

The only time I can pause my thinking dialogue is if I’m reading

[@lezlezzin]

I'm with Alayna, I have basically a constant inner monologue spoken usually in almost full sentences, sometimes multiple inner monologues happpening at the same time. I also can think in pictures/memories/concepts at times, but that's usually if I'm trying to purposefully recall those memories/concepts. And I find it really hard to even fathom what not having a spoken inner monologue would be like. Sounds nice! lol

[@kellythompson1318]

I'm very like Alaina... I CAN NOT STOP THINKING unless i smoke weed then its more sensory and feeling but i mostly gave that up 2 years ago. My girlfriend falls asleep in 30 seconds and im wide awake... still thinking while i hold her for 1-3hrs😂

[@8infinite8possiblities8]

One person’s “problem” is another person’s “entertainment”❤

[@emmaakamemma]

OMG my thoughts are just like Alayna's and I do the same thing to fall asleep. I pick something to think about or I make up scenarios in my head and I fall asleep

[@equipedo9657]

Exactly like Alayna with the internal constant "talking" in my head type thing. It is wild that everyone is different in that sense lol

[@jess10-here]

Something I've noticed is that when I'm reading a lot, my internal monologue tends to slip into 3rd person narration. It's as if I'm transcribing everything I think and do like in a story.

[@TinkerAndBelle1]

I see words like I hear them in my head but I also see them out loud 😅

[@Liesbeth_Aelis]

i have inner dialogue, monologue and narrator. when i read or write i hear the words too ( in my own voice). i also have pictures. i can also relate to what Mak said about the pictures moving but not really being multiple frames, for me they are like a GIF.:p and no need to apologize Ashley, this was a great episode. ;)

[@lelet6916]

OMGG im the same as Alayna in the way of thinking .. i thought everyone had the constant monologue on their minds 🤯

[@ignorance_is_not_bliss]

I think personally about everything all of the time. my thoughts are in words, pictures, concepts, feelings, etc. my brain is never quiet completely. even when i actively focus in trying to keep a silence it's thinking about not thinking in words so it means nothing. (i have horrendous anxiety and this is not good for sleep). but yeah i relate a lot to alayna

[@ignorance_is_not_bliss]

also there are ALWAYS words. even when I'm thinking with concepts there are words spoken in the background. edit: the words don't have to make sense. it can be incomprehensible words that sound like they could be something but I can't get close enough to hear it. usually coupled with anxiety

[@devonrusso4459]

Literally yelling to alayna through my phone “ME TOO” when she said anything about internalized monologue.

[@canadianicedragon2412]

I have "voice" in my head typically "mine" trying to sort out stuff. Whether it is replaying a conversation I had earlier, one I have to have, or just ways of describing things real or imagined. There are some images, and video, but not "visual" aka written words and always dialog. I'm the person who basically cannot fall asleep as my mind will not shut down. Though I can be thinking of nothing, it is not common.

[@swiftie4856]

I think exactly like Alayna. There’s constantly stuff happening. I always have a narration. Like when I’m thinking about what you guys are saying I have a voice saying like “idk how I feel about that I think maybe…” like it’s like im talking to someone. Also to go to sleep I always have to pick a snowboarding line that I’m working on. If I try with soccer things for some reason I can’t get my brain to line up the ball and my foot

[@notmyrealname550]

This is a great question! And somehow I'm not surprised alayna never gets any peace and quiet in her own brain

[@Justins_TieDefender]

I have never related more to both Alena and Ashley this much before. Like Ashly I love to bring up past debates/ conversations and try to dunk on my friends but end up having them kinda dunk on me better😂. And my internal mental experience is close to Alena’s!

[@the_fynethyme]

I haven't finished the ep so maybe this was said but since IKAG was on the bbc in the uk it was sort of "subsidised" like anything on there since it is a publicity funded organisation, although I could also see channel 4 doing a similar show and thats not a publicity funded network so idk lol

[@quinn3190]

The conversation about thinking in words vs pictures or whatever is always an interesting one to me. I definitely have rumination and I have thoughts in full words when I'm doing something like typing a KZbin comment or imagining an argument, but my typical life is not a narration but it's hard to describe because it's definitely not pictures either (I have partial/mostly aphantasia). Its almost more like connections or something? And when I am thinking in real words it feels like translating my thoughts, even though I only speak one language fluently (English). But the moment I start paying close attention to my thoughts, then those thoughts become words. I also pick something to think about in order to fall asleep, so I imagine scenarios but they are scenarios without words or images (for the most part) so it's just kind of...vibes. idk the human mind is wack

[@ROCKONplaceboforever]

The best part of Wednesday's thank you guys love you ❤

[@goldenmomo85]

Not even 2 minutes in and Alayna is already kinda pissed at Ashley’s comment 😅. And Ashley’s laughing it out. Just love the intimacy and love you have for each other. It shows!

[@sinitt560]

I hear i narrator only when I am actively speaking in my head. Otherwise i think in live pictures, if it is about somebody else it's from my pov, if I'm thinking of myself doing something it's more like a third person fly on the wall type of pov. So I'm much more visual, but I do talk to myself in my head, like I have a voice that i hear. It just is not on 24/7, just when I'm actively thinking. So there are times when I just stare at a wall and have nothinf on my mind.

[@StarryStar.X]

i’m always thinking too like alana explained but since i’ve been taking medication for a while it’s gonna better. i still am always thinking but sometimes it feels more quiet

[@myaparker8787]

I definitely have internal narration…but it’s gotten much more peaceful and less constant with the help of plant medicines ✨

[@roccro1]

Shogun episode Eight Fold Fence has a take on this internal/external. Short answer we edit by factors of trust, purpose, love and expediency and more. Great question, Awesome Episode!