Alexithymia: When You Can't Feel Emotions

[@gumbochamp]

Thank you for making the world a slightly more real, honest place Zoe. Fascinating video, and a wonderfully articulate exploration.

[@TransistorSounds]

Thanks!

[@lasagnafrenchtoasthoneybutter]

I never really knew that other people felt it in their body like that. I always visualized emotions as being strictly in your head when I was little, and when I started getting things similar to anxiety symptoms it freaked me out to feel a pit in my stomach and I feel things but I just think it's normal pain from being hungry til I realize that I just ate. I often don't know how upset I am until I'm crying. Thank you for the explanation on your experience

[@CatFish107]

Thank you for the insight into your perspective. I found your talk captivating and illuminating.

[@TransistorSounds]

Thanks!

[@QuestingRefuge]

Always nice to hear someone discover this and talk about their experience! In recent years I've been able to notice body sensations I never noticed before. Mostly mindfulness meditation and things did help me as at least notice more sensations now but I still can't always connect them to emotions for sure. It also can add confusion with chronic pain... Am I upset or just in normal pain? Who knows!

[@ninaandsimone3854]

Love you Zoe, thanks for this video, it was fascinating, wish you all the best

[@TransistorSounds]

Thank you!

[@trac111111]

I'm so thankful for your honesty and explanation. How would you personally know that you are "in love" if you can't physically feel the typical "feelings"? I asked because the man I love just confessed that he loves me but doesn't "feel " anything physically regarding that emotion. He has idealized what it must feel like from listening to sad love songs and Hollywood "euphoric " scenes. I suspect that he may have alexythimia. He "wants " to feel that "spark " when he kisses me. We are searching this out together to try to understand what it is that could be going on with him. We are just starting this process and your explanation has helped.

[@TransistorSounds]

Hi! Thank you for your kind words, I'm glad I could help a bit. That's a good question, that I answered in more detail recently over on Reddit of all places: www.reddit.com/r/Alexithymia/comments/zmwtoi/comment/j0gnh6u/?context=3 If he's anything like me, he'll likely still *have* the emotions, he just won't consciously have access to them, experiencing them only on the unconscious level. Which is a bizarre situation to be in, where you have to infer something instead of being able to perceive it directly, yet it still affects you... only it's really hard to spot it affecting you in the moment. I know I love my partner, I enjoy her company, I miss her when she's gone, and I'm glad when she's back. We very often try to make each other laugh. I kind of imagine my relationship with her might be somewhat analogous to my relationship with music: while it doesn't ever send a shiver down my spine, I do sometimes catch myself dancing and singing along, so I can only assume my unconscious is having fun and deeply appreciating it, even if she's not telling me. Perhaps I'm not romantic enough with either, with my words, because I can't figure out what's going on in my unconscious, but if you judge me by my actions instead, you can probably infer better than me what my unconscious is feeling, albeit without me. I'm not sure how to phrase that in a less weird way, but I guess it's a pretty weird situation to be in. Admittedly, if he happens to be autistic like I am (I only figured that out this year), he might express emotions differently to a non-autistic person too, which can further complicate things a bit... There's probably a bit of a learning curve involved there...

[@trac111111]

@@TransistorSounds your response has been beneficial in understanding more. I will share this with my love. Unfortunately he has never thought that something could be different about him and sadly nobody in his life has noticed either. We are just trying to understand IF this is a possibility. I applaud you for being who you are and have benefited from your openness and honesty.

[@TransistorSounds]

​@@trac111111 Yeah, this was all news to me too! I'd assumed whenever people talked about feeling emotions it was a metaphor for just having them, I didn't realise they literally *felt* them! It's kinda fascinating to me just how different most people's brains apparently work to my own. It's tricky to spot, as people don't tend to talk about how they think and perceive the world, so it's easy to assume everyone else is the same as you when they're not... and as we tend to talk to who we get on with, we might befriend other people with similar traits (or struggle to make friends at all if we can't find anyone similar enough). Factor in that these traits can be inherited too, and it's easy to end up in a bubble of "that's normal!" when it actually isn't.

[@RyanBarry-qe5od]

Thank you for sharing. From listening to your account, I thought your experience sounded quite a lot like the James-Lange theory of emotions, which might be of interest to you at some point. : )

[@gorsefan]

Very interesting! Thank you ❤️

[@ZTRCTGuy]

Finally someone I can relate to. Lots of people with alexithymia still feel those bodily sensations, but I dont even really feel those. Those heatmaps are indeed an enigma to me. Now I'm diagnosed autistic so I know where it's coming from but I think I'm missing out on especially the positive side of the spectrum. Not feeling a lot of negative emotions can be an advantage but not feeling passion or a real connection can make your life miserable.

[@TransistorSounds]

I kind of blame psychiatrists lumping two unrelated things together. As they've traditionally looked at superficial similarities in behaviour, it was only comparatively recently they started to differentiate between "people who can't feel emotions very strongly" and "people who can feel emotions, but aren't sure which emotions they're feeling", even though these are two very different experiences to have! At least they're starting to finally care about the people they're talking to, rather than just everyone else around them -- actually caring about people's mental health rather than trying to normalise everyone. I'm not sure how much it's an advantage or disadvantage to barely feel emotions, even negative ones. They may affect me less on a conscious level, but they're still there, and will still affect my actions (and eventually even my physical health), it's just harder for me to notice that it's happening. I just have to observe what I'm doing the same way I'd observe what anyone else is doing. "Oh, I'm uncomfortable-stimming, I guess what I'm doing must be stressing me, I should probably stop doing it." It's probably more convenient to know when you're having even a negative emotion right away, to help avoid or at least spot unhealthy and dangerous situations. I'm not exactly very intuitive. My existence is probably analogous to mostly being very calm, but yes, a little passion here and there would be interesting.

[@ZTRCTGuy]

@@TransistorSounds They are different experiences indeed (or rather lack thereof...) but I do think they are related. Both not feeling anything or having trouble identifying them can fall under the denominator of alexithymia. But I'm not a psychologist, It's just how I make sense of it. I like to compare it to a jigsaw puzzle with several thousand pieces, trying to put together what they're feeling, and if succesfull having a depiction in the end. In the case of not feeling anything at all, having no bodily sensations, there's no actual depiction on the puzzle in the first place, it's completely black or white. Gl trying to put together the puzzle pieces then. I think this is our experience. ''They may affect me less on a conscious level, but they're still there, and will still affect my actions'' This is where it gets tricky. Because how do you know you feel emotions subconsiously if you cannot feel them consiously? The only way is that your body needs to tell you. And if your body doesn't really tell you anything, you're kinda stuck. At least this is my experience. What everyone else is doing seems to be unhelpful because they do not share the same emotional world with you.

[@TransistorSounds]

@@ZTRCTGuy > This is where it gets tricky. Because how do you know you feel emotions subconsiously if you cannot feel them consiously? The only way is that your body needs to tell you. And if your body doesn't really tell you anything, you're kinda stuck. I've come to embrace what I believe my unconscious needs, as evidenced by any seeming irrationality on my part. I've already mentioned the example of "I'm uncomfortable-stimming, I guess what I'm doing must be stressing me, I should probably stop doing it." Also, if someone points out I'm talking fast, and I've recently come up against something that would reasonably make someone angry or frustrated, then I'm probably angry or frustrated, and have excess energy. Excercising helps get rid of that excess energy, rather than letting it remain unused in my body and eventually wreak havoc to my physical health -- in other words, the detective cliché of "Walk it off!" that Troy and Abed embraced in Community might actually be a real thing that actually works. And if I feel compelled to research something, I now realise that's a special interest or hyperfixation, and letting myself indulge it probably brings me joy or at least calms me, judging by other people's experiences of indulging in theirs. So I go by what my body's doing, and also compulsions, thoughts popping into my head for seemingly no reason, that kind of thing... these are probably all things that are supposed to have an accompanying emotional visceral feeling, that tell you what you're supposed to do about it. So it's my job to indirectly infer what my unconscious probably wants me to do about it.

[@Raquel_Incorporated]

Wow this was fascinating. I think that while I *do* experience emotions viscerally most of the time, I also think I know what you mean. For example, for the longest time I wouldn't get visibly stressed in stressful situations such as exams or arguments etc. whereas I would get terrible headaches and poor appetite and indigestion. Like as an example, I would be "fine" during exam periods at school but then get really ill for like a week or two afterwards without fail. It's like my body internalised all the stress and let it out at once after I was through the stressful period. Always thought that was unusual. I'm not sure if that's the same thing but I guess it's similar as it was like "oh, I didn't realise I was stressed!" until afterwards. :)

[@TransistorSounds]

I vaguely remember my friends freaking out that I was the only one not stressed before taking our exams... I'm convinced I took a wrong exam too, and really should have said something... I don't remember being ill afterwards, but that's not saying much, my memory's pretty terrible!

[@noahr.7144]

I feel emotions very strongly in my body but I rarely am able to identify it. Most of the negative ones are painful in the same way heartburn, headaches and being ill are. Its very intense or at least it used to be. I think back in the day it got to be negative enough that I started to just stop noticing it.

[@TransistorSounds]

Interesting, that would be actual alexithymia (cognitive alexithymia, where you can feel but not describe your emotions), and it sounds like it possibly lead to the other kind, the one I have (affective alexithymia, where you can't feel them in the first place). Thanks for sharing!

[@Gerthious]

I came to your channel due to your soundtracking of the great youtube essayists. As a fellow autistic, UK person it was an oddly parasocial connection. Then you explained feelings as being physical.... wait, what? You explained Alexythymia in a way I had glanced over. Thanks! Also, clearly people clearly aren't interested in credits, how are your videos so underviewed?? I guess its similar to how Kat Lo exists in the background...

[@TransistorSounds]

Thanks! I think it's just that I don't have the energy to make videos often (certainly not in addition to making music, writing scripts and articles, and my programming day job), and when I do they tend to be about whichever subject I happen to be hyperfixating on at the time, so they're not in a consistent subject. This isn't great for appeasing The Algorithm. But I'll live. I'd rather do what I enjoy than what's popular.

[@TransistorSounds]

I'm really curious how common it is or isn't to feel emotions viscerally. I conducted a very informal Twitter poll at twitter.com/zoeblade/status/1538100874270081024 and roughly 2/3rds of my followers said they felt emotions... although probably a disproportionate number of people who find me relatable are autistic. Some scientists seem to think it's nearly universal, though when I asked a few friends, even acquaintances I believe are allistic, they didn't seem to really get the whole feeling emotions in your body thing. How about you, dear viewer? I'd love to know how common all these variations are.

[@CatFish107]

I do lately realise I feel emotions viscerally, but they were ignored for many, many years. Emotions seem to just happen to me, and I feel them in my mind, strongly. I feel and think about these feelings entirely separately from the effects the emotions have upon my body. They are inextricably linked, but distinctly separate. Emotion happens, and elicits feelings in the mind. Body sensation follows. I may or may not take notice of the body sensation. Psych said I'm not ocd or autistic, but I do have adhd and I feel many other publicly spoken autistic perspectives resonate with me.

[@NerfNolan-d2m]

Thank you xxxxx

[@pamus6242]

I feel nothing most days(phased out) and I know that's wrong because I'll have intense emotions a week or later to the point of a breakdown and twitches. So I do a lot of yoga and boxing to get rid of any toxins that develop in the body. But yes when I listen to music I am perfectly able to articulate my emotions, not only but I feel different everyday and hear different sounds when I even hear the same track everyday. Its like I'm literally traveling when I listen to music. Its been 30 years I've been listening to Ageispolis(Aphex Twin) and it sounds different every time ! ....and I feel different too. For me listening to music is like traveling.

[@TransistorSounds]

Huh, I don't think I ever really feel emotions all that much at all... but that's definitely one of my favourite tracks of all time!

[@marykavanagh531]

Cant feel positive happy emotions for years ,sad negative emotions can feel easily .any advice for this please I want to feel but cant

[@yellowhouse88]

I'm not even sure about how I feel emotions?? Anxiety does feel "in my body" but other things nooot really? I'm generally also calm and without strong emotions? It's all hard to describe lol

[@ninaandsimone3854]

i guess it's a spectrum, all people feel emotions differently and with different specifities, intensities and at different places for different things

[@TransistorSounds]

Definitely different intensities, and I read a whitepaper suggesting some people feel some aspects of emotions more than others (whether it feels good or bad vs. which body parts are being excited or calmed). If you do feel it viscerally, I'm not sure how much of a consensus there is or isn't for which body parts match up with which emotions. Another whitepaper's pseudo-heatmaps suggest at least a fairly broad consensus, apparently even across cultures, so it *might* be innate, but I'm not sure. It's really intriguing!

[@AmbivalentAlexthymic]

Yes definitely Alexithymia.

[@Wintergreen_]

I definitely kind of have to infer if I'm hungry from the physical symptoms a lot of the time, some of the other stuff was kinda similar as well to dissociation. As another member of a certain minority, I wonder if that sort of thing is related.

[@TransistorSounds]

If that minority happens to be autistic people, then yes. Any of your given senses is quite likely to be too strong or too weak. That includes interoception (e.g. if you're hungry), which I believe the visceral feeling of emotions is built on top of.

[@TheNotableNobody]

Is it possible to still have Alexithymia if you can only identify some of your emotions physically? I can feel embarrassment and butterflies (and fear? Does that count?), but I don't think I've felt anything else.

[@TransistorSounds]

I have no idea where to draw the line of what counts or not. I'd imagine it's more of a sliding scale than a hard and fast cutoff point. Your example sounds like it counts as significant enough to mention, at any rate! If it impacts your life, then it counts as something to take note of.

[@AmbivalentAlexthymic]

Yes. Check out my Alexithymia Channel. Your Alexithymia is called Cognitive Alexithymia or Affective Alexithymia. There is also Alexisomia.

[@Plasmafox]

A lot of youtubers go through this phase where they use a fake persona online, fake voice etc... and then realize viewers respond better to authenticity. I hope you can get over that phase quickly, since you're talking about some things that not many people are talking about. But your act is creeping me right out, dude

[@TransistorSounds]

My "act" is a combination of compensating for having had the wrong puberty before the right one, masking as neurotypical, unmasking, copying the mannerisms of all my favourite film and TV characters, and not being 100% sure which mannerisms are the "real" me in the first place. When I don't put in the effort to fake being cis and NT, strangers inevitably stare at me, so I'm told by people I'm with. Basically, it's a complex mess. I think, if anything, I'm masking less in this video than the previous ones where I'm trying to act like a TV presenter. It's quite possible that the *increased* authenticity is what's unnerving you (if you're NT, which, given your interest in this video's subject matter, admittedly isn't a given).

[@TransistorSounds]

It's kinda funny... "People act fake in their videos at first..." Ah, I'm glad you noticed I've finally stopped doing that! "...so you should stop doing that." Ah. It's like... "Just be yourself! Stop creeping me out!" Pick one. 😆 Which wouldn't seem so ridiculous, except the video topic makes it kinda obvious what the body language barrier's caused by!

[@lauren185]

I think you come across lovely and endearing. Please ignore the haters 🙏